[Yes I'm Adopted] Who Should Share An Adoptees Story?

We have seen this question a LOT in the adoption communities online: is it okay for a parent to share their adopted kid's story? There's a lot of... opinions on this topic so we are starting it off by saying this is just our opinion. There is no research done (that we can find) on this subject.
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We are going to be spending a few days talking about how to better parent your adopted kids. This will be more educational than entertaining. We will be sharing our stories and asking you thought-provoking questions that we're hoping will help you grow.

[@ilovenoodles7483]

I'm glad you guys adressed this. 👍 I think that the parents should be able to tell the story because they are the parents, and they know a lot of the things that the kids don't even know, because kids were not born yet or the child was just a baby and can't remember, likewise the kids could also tell the story, but I do believe that the kids should tell the story when they are adult enough to understand all the aspects of adoption. Sometimes that doesn't even happen until the age of 30 + and even then, they still learn on a deeper level.

[@carabeingblue4016]

Opposite perspective - I once told some co-workers I was adopted. It was my story. Problem was, it was in my mother's business. She was extremely angry with me. It of course felt like more rejection, abandonment, denial, separation, control issue, etc. Nothing was ever processed or resolved in that home, so everything just lingered, and as Dave once said, "Everything was my fault." I didn't understand because it was MY story to tell. I also didn't understand it was her story. Once I understood it was also HER story, I felt as though she was embarrassed/ashamed by the circumstances around my adoption. If it was just a matter of not sharing personal details with her employees, I could understand why she would be upset and ask me not to do that, but she was really, really angry. It's still a touchy subject, but she loves when someone says I "look just like her." (I don't.) I suppose I should be grateful she feels happy when some "mistakes me" for her "real daughter." (Which I am.) I think I need to look at my reasons for sharing these things - with anyone. The reason people say stupid things back to us about our adoption is because we revealed it in the first place. We don't need to do so - even though sometimes our need for connection draws us to be more intimate than we probably should be up front. It's just interesting to see how much MY story impacts other people. Thanks for the brain worm, fellas.

[@Christinamariamuller]

I just have to say it again, I love you guys. So rational. So reasonable. Every story is different and unique and it takes discernment on what to share and what not to share. I'm so tired of mantras and made up rules. My children don't have a horrible story. I share enough to defend their birth mom (whom we have a relationship and love dearly) and support her and teach my children to have a positive view of her as well. To stay completely quiet when people ask questions I believe would impart a negative view in their eyes as people form hypocritical opinions and say the rudest things in front of my kids. I don't want them to feel the least bit of shame and I won't let anyone get away with speaking anything that would impart shame. We are 'fb friends' with our daughters birth mom so I only ever share what I think she would be comfortable reading (really I don't say much. Social media isn't a good forum for discussion.) So far we are super blessed to live in a state (Alabama) where adoption is so normal that the only time people stop to ask questions is if they have their own adoption story themselves (lots of those.) In Alabama adoption is as normal s birth and no one asks stupid questions. We will be moving to Podunk NY soon and I'm sure that will change but for now we've encountered nothing but love from strangers.

[@That3DPrintGuy]

Awesome video - my opinion as a parent of a an adopted child - NO. My view is that his story is his, we as his parents are the keepers of the story until he is old enough to decide who gets to know that story. Just my opinion and obviously can only speak of my experience relating to my experience. you guys are the best and a REAL help and great content makers.

[@Christinamariamuller]

Every story and every situation is different. Each family has to be discerning but shouldn't make decisions for other families.

[@meghangossett3091]

I personally agree with you. I don't feel it's adoptive parents place to do so since it's the child's story especially in regards to why they were placed. It's no one's business unless the adoptee feels so