You Wanted Me to Watch Gnomeo & Juliet, So I Did.

You all knew this was coming.
Listen to the ending song in full, if you dare: • Elton John's 'Tiny Dan...
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Support me on Patreon: / kkallgren

[@LaNoLaCola]

It’s been 8 years since this movie's been released, and I am just learning that Elton John helped produced this?!

[@DoveAlexa]

I think he wanted it that way.

[@VelvetCondoms]

Yes. He helped premeditate and commit this.

[@onjo6746]

Whaaaaaaaat?

[@vinnyreed723]

I learnt that Elton John has a film studio

[@shortbean0]

Lol same.

[@henryglennon3864]

Fun fact: Sir Elton John is actually a gnome with a rare form of gigantism. It gets left out of most biographies for some reason, but it goes some way to explaining this movie.

[@danstiver9135]

Duh, we’ve all seen Rocket Man already, it’s common knowledge now.

[@jakobvanklinken]

Dude! They can call each other gnomes, but we can't... Not in 2019

[@Vesperitis]

Kyle, your barely-contained contempt in the spirit of professionalism and intellectual discourse is something I aspire to.

[@isprobablyjobhunting]

YES!

[@jdprettynails]

It's weird, everything he mentions with derision is a major selling point for me on why this is a fantastic adaptation!

[@nicodemusedwards6931]

777 likes. Guess you’re an angel now.

[@xiao668]

"None of this information will enrich your life in any way" I'm glad I learned this. . . I love gnomes.

[@davidcolby167]

I feel better about knowing about the history of garden gnomes!

[@MagusMarquillin]

Look around you There are many things to see That some would say Could never be

[@xiao668]

@@MagusMarquillin These things I know. It's true and I will tell you so. They are there to see, if you believe.

[@isprobablyjobhunting]

Only part pf the vid he was wrong about.

[@Bluecho4]

* Furiously takes notes for DnD campaign * "Gartenswerge"...garden dwarves...genomos...Sir Charles Edward Isham...

[@Taaneria]

I kinda just wanna give you a hug now. You ok stranger for whom the internet has allowed me to feel an unjustifiably intimate connection to?

[@dildonius]

Boy, you really lobbied *hard* for a heart reaction and possible response there, eh? Shame.

[@emilysorano7768]

i for one would love it if more productions of romeo and juliet ended with one of the families acquiring a tank

[@CobaltT9]

Tanks!! Tanks!! Shakespeare With Tanks!! I Love It!!!

[@Tuckerscreator]

"Do you drive your tank at us, sir?"

[@averagebritishguy7082]

It'd be accurate to my neighborhood disputes.

[@crypticmrchimes]

This is the only logical trajectory of all Shakespeare adaptations. Anything less than the presence of a tank in the narrative out of nowhere will be considered subpar at most.

[@aimeemariet]

ok, fair.

[@MylaMinoki]

Sorry, I laughed out loud with the new version of the "EVERYONE" joke, that was amazing

[@Sairin13]

It was all worth it just for that one joke, I laughed too... a lot

[@johnsonjohnson3261]

Timestamp 1:52 In case anyone was wondering

[@altromonte15]

An accurate version of this movie could be great tho: It's garden gnomes, but they talk with the bard language and actually fight and kill each other. At the end of the story the homeowner comes home to find his garden trashed, with two shattered gnomes covered in poison in his front porch. It would be an interesting surreal experiment.

[@TheCrazyTalkKid]

Homeowner: *looks at the broken poison gnomes* WTF happened!? It's probably the fucking teenagers!

[@Omnicrom]

"None of this information will enrich your life in any way." Au contraire, this life-enriching nonsense is EXACTLY why I come to you Professor Kallgren.

[@Eruidraith]

i am actually delighted to find out why garden gnomes are a thing

[@nikchemnyk]

"None of this information will enrich your life in any way" Why would you say something so uncontroversial yet so brave?

[@kategrant2728]

But also wrong.

[@_Snowflame]

I can never know that information is useless or not until such a time that I require it. If I have once benefited from knowing that the resonant frequency of your eyeballs is about 18Hz, and that loud noise at this frequency just beneath the range of human hearing can cause you to hallucinate because it deforms your body's tissues, then I will not doubt that the history of gnomes will one day be of use.

[@snowcherryleopard]

But...I liked finding out the history of garden gnomes!

[@jonathanwright8025]

He basically just summarized the Wikipedia article.

[@UltimateKyuubiFox]

It’s staggering to me how Kyle, in his depression, is able to create such professional and even transcendent work as this-editing especially. Don’t get yourself hurt, sir. I’d prefer you to be around for a long time, not be a star burning brightly for a short amount of time.

[@jeswicas]

Oh, Kyle. It may not do much, but have a virtual hug. Your videos regularly help me fight back depressive slumps, and for that, I'd like to thank you sincerely. I hope you'll find your way out of this unpleasant episode soon! There are better times waiting for you ♥️

[@imveryangryitsnotbutter]

[Sees video title] What?! Who would be so stupid, so crazy, so unbelievably desperate-- [Sees it's Kyle] ...so brilliant and amazing and patient enough to watch this movie!

[@ho-hyongyoo3251]

Ah.. The bard's power used for evil. How horrible. Kyle, I love your work. I been following you for a while. Love from South Korea.

[@ingonyama70]

I read those first three sentences in absolute deadpan and it works so very, very well.

[@Bluecho4]

Naw, it's not used for evil. It's used for Mediocrity. Which is arguably worse, somehow.

[@Halotaku]

I was one of the people who didn't ask you to review this. And for that, I apologize. I should have protested more.

[@garlicslut8878]

I mean, you brought some joy to a few thousand people by making this. There are worse ways to spend your life

[@tomboz777]

Kyle giveth and he giveth a lot more.

[@oof-rr5nf]

giveth too much even, one could argue

[@thomaspatterson1789]

i think we broke kyle

[@Krypto137]

[Me, showing Kyle Gnomeo and Juliet]: This is art. APPRECIATE IT.

[@acecat2798]

Dear Kyle- Are you doing okay? Your self-deprecating jokes have started to sound more self-loathing. Sincerely, A loyal viewer

[@iamathousandapples]

i dont know why but the ending music where a bunch of gibberish is added to a tiny dancer midi made me lose it

[@oof-rr5nf]

* draws weapon * get behind me, i'll protect you now tell me who made you do this

[@oof-rr5nf]

@@ingonyama70 sick profile photo dude 🤘

[@ECL28E]

Bowdlerization... I'm gonna start saying that.

[@MagusMarquillin]

It's fun to say and so applicable these days!

[@CloudyinPalmer]

Yes, you must! I've said it many times, but I am definitely older than you.

[@annabunovsky5628]

Hope you're doing okay Kyle, want you to know that you're videos have entertained, informed & inspired me for the past several years, and I always look forward to seeing more content from you, because you really are one of the most unique & insightful media analysts out there! And for the record, I did not want this for you. All I wanted was Pan's Labyrinth: Cinema Antifa.

[@Jaytheradical]

If these lawn gnomes have offended, think but this and all is mended

[@DeeCross]

Is that how they put Tibalt back together?

[@ShootingStarNeo]

It's been a few years since I saw this movie with my family, mostly out of boredom and probably avoiding seeing something worse, but I remember finding one shout out to the original text I found pretty cute: the house that is the central setting is a duplex. It's literally... a house divided. Womp womp woooooomp.

[@Buujipoppu]

"Paracelsus: He was A Guy" The most measured take I've ever seen on the man. Thank you

[@greypilgrim26]

I've been watching you for years and honestly I just wanna say your videos matter. You are unlike anyone else on this hell-site, and your ideas, your honesty, your commentary and range of subjects inspire me so much. I would like to join in the cybernetic hug and tell you that you and your work are so, so valued. Thank you for being you.

[@heroicfool8541]

You say this information will not enrich my life, but I now have a new idea for a D&D character (a pretentious gnome bard playwrite) so thank you.

[@ronnickels5193]

Dang it, you stole my idea. Oh well, guess I'll have to stay with my half orc bard.

[@Feasco]

"Hey Patrick Stewart, would you like a small part as the statue of Shakespeare in a cartoon adaptation of one of his most famous plays depicted by-" "Why yes, I *do* like money."

[@gamestation2690]

Probably the same reason he voiced a poop emoji.

[@DeeCross]

​@@gamestation2690 That he's a very silly man who's also been voicing for Seth McFarlane projects since 2005?

[@Greycatuk]

I feel like the world has been depressed lately (me included). Kyle, your words soar above such mediocrity. They raise hearts and smiles. We care about you, and send virtual good wishes. And may you never have to watch ‘Sherlock Gnomes.’ PS I’d wondered about ‘Bowdlerisation.’ I learned something from this video. (My degree is in English Literature, and I’ve watched Shakespeare in Stratford several times.)

[@cassyblack3346]

You are fantastic. Nine years and you're still fantastic. The information you're able to dig up always astounds me and I really do find educational, and always wish that my brain could actually retain all of the amazing things that you teach me. Even from a product as mediocre as this you're able to dredge up so much. Never stop being you, you are always amazing.

[@kellybeck4579]

Kyle, I love your work. Even your most bare minimum effort videos make me happy. Someday, I hope you can find the passion in these works again. I think you are more influential and interesting than you give yourself credit for. Sincerely, A longtime fan.

[@iamabrawler92]

This movie may not be all that notable, but the information on Bowdlerization was something I didn't know, so that was good to learn about!

[@SergeantLuke]

My favorite story about this movie is that it was originally being produced by Disney Animation, but once John Lasseter was promoted to be the new head of the studio and he started taking a look at all the existing projects, he reviewed Gnomeo and Juliet and asked the staff “why are we making this movie?” Nobody could answer. Project canceled and shuffled off to a different studio.

[@Bob-sr4uc]

Gnomeo and Juliet is truly a cinematic masterpiece and always will be

[@flaetsbnort]

Sherlock Gnomes is one of the best Sherlock Holmes movies ever. It has, hands down, the best depiction of a 'mind palace', which in turn is the best way to follow Sherlock's deduction - and doubles as an excellent joke when Sherlock retreats to his mind palace to zone out.

[@2357y1113]

Aaah, that sweet black midi at the end 🙌

[@HTRAdams]

2357y1113 that was one of the funniest jokes in the entire video, and it was the ending title card - bravo to Kyle

[@Alia-bc3rc]

my dear Sir, I lift my non-existent hat to you.. 😂 P.S: take your time, we will still be here for you.

[@kitwhitfield7169]

Hang in there, man. You’re so much better than you feel right now. xxx

[@ZoanBlade90]

Easy, Kyle. Let the record show I never asked you to do this.

[@dylanchouinard6141]

I second this

[@ingonyama70]

It wouldn't even have occured to me to ask for this. I kinda hoped he'd stray into the arena of animation (GOOD animation, not this market-driven crap). Not necessarily anime, as that's too obvious and glutted a market, but to hear him discuss Secret of NIMH or Watership Down in a serious, critical fashion would be amazing.

[@BizarreWords]

Mediocre work, I consider myself entretained. Just kidding. I love your work Kyle. I hope you are doing well and that depression doesn't haunt you as badly. You are a professional and a winner, and worthy of praise and happiness.

[@hugenerd242]

“Eight year old film” me: wow that seems a long time ago but i guess that makes sense “Made in 2011” me: hUH

[@thacobell4700]

I'm a new subscriber. I subscribed a few weeks ago, and have spent that time binge watching every video on your channel. All I can really say is, thank you. For somehow managing to be thought provoking, accessible, and entertaining in all things.

[@perihelionstudios7563]

I've been a fan of your channel for a long time and I sincerely enjoy your content whenever it comes along. I've watched many of your videos hoping to gain insight on films and themes I would've never come across in the mainstream. You find beauty in the madness, and remind me to look closer at things I would've only glanced at so that I could appreciate what they truly were. Take all the time you need. Take care of your mental health and happiness. That should come first above everything.

[@lillyc6621]

Not to invalidate your right to an existential crisis, but fwiw your content has always been intellectually stimulating and interesting and cool to me no matter what type of media or whatever you're talking about!

[@danielallen3454]

First of all, are you okay? Second, you make my day every time a notification pops up. I love your work, and eagerly look forward to more.

[@ByrdieFae]

OMG, I had no idea that Elton John was associated with this. Kyle, you're doing the Lord's work.

[@MortMe0430]

Since you already sound like you're not doing so hot, I'll just say thanks for still doing your thing, and I hope the slump eases soon.

[@alchemist4evr]

We love you, Kyle!!!! And all your content!!!

[@manicpixiefangirl4189]

As someone who has battled depression and seen Gnomeo and Juliet I must say... Dude, switch your meds, cuz if this average bit of fun bothers you this much it says more about you than anything else.

[@catbot158]

Oh god, he went into an extensive depression episode over this. Now I feel bad. Go watch the deepest arthouse film you can find, Kyle, just to wash out all the mediocrity.

[@nemowindsor8724]

I missed you, my man. Thanks for somehow finding meaning and education in this otherwise painfully average production. I always feel more enthused about all kinds of work after hearing your thoughts and following your recommendations. Out of film school, your show is something that makes me excited about films again. And of course, it is my main Shakespeare fix. We're all pulling for yah.

[@BetweenSunAndMoon]

Kyle, even your lowest-quality work is far superior to this nonsense. I'm sorry it sent you into a depressive episode. I hope you feel 100% better soon.

[@sidvicious7477]

I had to come back here to see if anyone remembers this movie since I really liked it younger- We all just have those moments where you remember some weird things in your past

[@josephine7156]

You're stronger than I will ever be. I can't believe you watched it more than once.

[@MoonSpiritChannel]

I did not know this was made by Rocket Studios, which in turn, was made by Sir Elton John's making. I did not know this, and now I don't know what to think.

[@Maiscribbles]

Thank you Kyle, I needed this today.

[@MissiveCauseIMissYou]

The machine continues to turn. The likes are produced. (also this made me both snort in laughter and also hit a bit too close to home....so well done, you. Hope you're being kind to yourself in ways other than 2048)

[@PatchworthGaming]

Hey man, hope your depressive episode has faded. Take the time you need, I love your content and I'll keep coming back for more!

[@JoshuaFagan]

As someone who was forced to sit through this movie in high school, I needed this. Thanks, Kyle. It's just.... so forgettable.

[@aimeemariet]

Wow, Kyle, even watching the tiny bits of this movie with your contemptuous voice over made the 7 and a half minutes seem longer than it was, I can't imagine having watched it several times. Thanks for taking that bullet for us.

[@iruse254]

Kyle Slowly Loosing His Mind for 7 Minutes

[@noahh688]

Thank you so much for reviewing this

[@hapaxlagonmenon1823]

I watched this film ONCE when I was young. Never again....

[@viralengine908]

Great video as always. I can't believe how easily you adapted to the new format.

[@Fiddler1990]

The dance party at the end of kid's movie actually isn't so far from the original material... as it was intended to be performed. At the end of a theater play, the actors come back on stage for a final salute. It reminds the audience that, even though the characters are dead, it was all a play - it helps the audience go back to the real world. And I think it's a useful part of the performance, especially for children. Movies don't have that - but they can recreate the effect with a final dance party (or a gag reel).

[@chazzwozzio]

Please be ok Kyle we love you man *hug* you helped me through some tough times

[@Techno963]

Little did I know that I would be treated to a symbolically perfect variation of the "Everyone" joke. Today was a good day, thanks Kyle

[@CaladonianQueen]

Despite the insubstantial nature of the subject matter I genuinely enjoyed learning about the history of garden gnomes.

[@MoonShadowWolfe]

You mean quite a bit more than a forgettable children's movie. Your work has been a formative influence on my life, and whether you think you're much smarter than other people or not, I have a much greater love and appreciation for art than I would had I been left to mere plothole-picking and bad jokes that 'film-crit KZbin' was at the time I found your body of work. And for that, thank you. Thank you for being so nice that one time I met you at a con. Thanks for continuing to work even when the depression creeps up again, I know exactly how difficult that is. Thanks for helping me find the sublime in everything I watch.

[@allysonmccartney2150]

I made my parents see this movie with me and they won't let it go

[@amphioxusanniversary]

Why would you do such a thing?

[@butterflysonaflower]

we thank you for your service Kyle

[@briancrogersgmail]

That is a tremendous high score Kyle, keep up the good work!

[@Izanagi009]

Watching from Singapore, wow I feel your pain man

[@lilhonor5425]

This is one of the greatest reviews I’ve ever seen, bravo sir

[@NikkiRoesslerBFDIFan64]

Nice! I remember watching Gnomeo and Juliet back when I was only 12 years old and it wasn't until I was in high school a year or two later that I read the actual Romeo and Juliet.

[@JHaru777]

*pats you on the back* At some point, we must all wade through the mind numbing mediocrity that our society puts out. Recover well.

[@Frosting1000]

I’ve been anticipating this video for so long

[@kylegosa4209]

This is weirdly one of my favorite videos of yours.

[@Trickingenure]

Kyle, my man, I just want to let you know: never watched this movie, never watched a lot of movies like this but your videos I've watched for a long time now and they always brought me joy or got me thinking about some profound topics you mention. You are talented my friend, I know depression is a terrible thing and very hard to overcome sometimes but maybe you can remember this the next time the darkness envelopes you: You have always, and continue to make me smile on a regular basis, you're work is out there and it makes people happy. Stay strong

[@edwardtjbrown1979]

another most excellent video from Professor K.

[@jeremybuxman7555]

I'm sorry you had a rough month, but I enjoy your work, and appreciate your sacrifice of watching...that.

[@wess9900]

Your bafflement and grim determination bring me life

[@dougputhoff]

You're a better man than I am Kyle Kallgren! Now I want VeggieTales to parody Shakespeare so that you'll review it.

[@alisaurus4224]

Doug Puthoff they have. There is a sketch in one of their earlier videos that features Prince Omelet playing Battleship. “Two-B?” “No, NOT 2-B.”

[@imveryangryitsnotbutter]

A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a wEeD eAtEr

[@gamestation2690]

@@alisaurus4224 Battleship commands actually start with the letter, THEN the number.

[@alisaurus4224]

GameStation3 yes, but the Hamlet joke wouldn’t work if they did it that way

[@Supermunch2000]

Tongue in cheek or not, that was a great review!

[@TheDanishGuyReviews]

Hope you'll be doing better! You deserve it!

[@croinkix]

This is the best video Kyle has done in a while

[@Tine_of_Nice_Dreams]

also you're not just one of many, you're very special to all of us who love your content specifically so please don't be too hard on yourself and feel better soon

[@grahamcracking5056]

but is gnomeo and juliet antifa tho?

[@Eruidraith]

a year later, and you know what? I have enlightened people as to the origin of garden gnomes many times and it has brought me great joy

[@summers1]

Kyle your work raises above mediocrity, after every work of yours I walk away entertained but more importantly educated and with a new appreciation for art

[@jdrvargo287]

The concept of decorating ones garden with figurines is actually even older than the Roman empire. The ancient Greeks actually decorated their gardens with figurines called a Pirapus, named after a minor god of vegetables, and were said to bless and protect gardens. Being short, ugly and bearded, they bore a good resemblance to modern garden gnomes. They wore a phrygian cap, which resembles the hats worn by garden gnomes. However the Pirapus had one major difference from garden gnomes: a huge wang. So picture a garden gnome with a slong long enough to be a walking stick, and you have a good idea what a Pirapus statue looked like.

[@CountGrasshopper]

I also play 2048 to distract myself during anxious and depressive episodes, and I'm not sure to feel proud or ashamed that my high score is much higher than Kyle's. Much love to you, man.

[@averynelson1186]

1:22 I beg differ; I feel more blessed having learned this wonderful information

[@valari]

Dude the energy on this video was awesome, you should try and do things more like this, it had more information about the issue than other videos I really liked it.

[@killjoymcquire6340]

Always a pleasure to see a video from you, K. You are like a big jam doughnut with cream on top: your arrival gives us pleasure, and your departure makes us hungry for more.

[@RogueT-Rex8468]

"None of this information will enrich your life in any way." Me a writer forging a loosely fantasy world: Boi...