If I have a library nearby where I live here in the Philippines, then I would utilize it so much!

Happy holidays Mikala! I relate to a lot of what you said in this. I have never filmed a video with anybody present. I have to wait until I'm alone or else I feel weird. Lol. I hope this finds you well ❤ 🎅

Happy holidays Mikala! I hope therapy will help you. ❤❤

Hii 💖 not sure if you still use your email but I just sent you an email 🤗 I honestly relate to everything you’ve talked about here 🩷 it’s so comforting to know other people have difficult family situations as I feel like not enough people talk about it. The journal stickers are so cute ✨ I’ve started bullet journaling and it’s so fun and creative!

Thank you, Mikala, for being so open and sharing your ups and downs. I'm praying for you and I hope you have a special holiday season. I like to think that my doggies, Cash and Java, are showing Wednesday around over the rainbow bridge. Though the hardest decision to make, letting her go peacefully was the most merciful thing you could do for her. She knows you love and loved her. Blessings to you. <3

I’m terrible with words and talking as well but sending you so much love and Happy Holidays Mikala ♥️♥️♥️ Also thank you for the Spotify playlist adding it to my lists!

There is something I want to say to you, and it may not mean anything. But maybe it will. I worked as a Vet Tech for 10 years. I got a bachelor's degree in it, I got licenced in 2 states, worked in three states, and worked at 2 emergency/specialty hospitals and 5 daytime clinics. I saw so many cats with FIP. It's actually caused by a type of corona virus. Of all the cats I saw with this disease, one lived. I watched so many people refuse to euthanize their pets despite us begging them to. They put thousands of dollars into meds and treatments and the only thing the pet got out of it was a long, horrible, drawn out death. Euthanasia (the medical term for putting your pet to sleep) is rooted in Latin. It literally translates to "the good death". Euthanasia is a gift that you can give to your pet. It lets them go without pain or suffering, and that's all anyone could want. You made the absolute right decision, and a decision that is not easy to make in the best of times, but especially hard when you are struggling. You have no reason to feel guilty, and I know that it's easier said than done, but please don't feel like you did the wrong thing. You absolutely made the right choice. Based on the symptoms you described her having, she was already past the beginning stages, and nothing you could have done would have saved her. This is a decision that all the people I ever worked with, and me, would have also made in your position. I am wishing you all the best, and hope that you can find some peace from reading this.

Not much i can say to this. I can only hope you're trying to keep your spirits up. Stay safe, my friend.

Therapy is great. Just having a way to speak your mind, similar to your journaling and talking to Bradley. It's sooo beneficial. Seattle is, so far, the best city I've visited! It's cool that you were able to go and have such a fun memory attached to it. Did you do anything else while you were there? I hope this sickness leaves you soon. Get lots of rest!

I just got back into therapy and it’s so amazing. Hard AF. But amazing. I also had a traumatic childhood. Lots of addiction and alcoholism. My older sister and I haven’t spoken in over 14 years. A lot of my family doesn’t know I have a KZbin channel either.

Hi love!! Long time no talk!! I’m soooo sorry you and hubby are sick. It’s so awful!😢

Also have you seen this movie called Anora

This is wild I never thought it was this bad what you were going through I knew it was bad but never this bad

Парфюмер ❤❤❤❤❤очень хорошая книга

I relate to this so hard. I love travelling and adventure but often the reality of it is so much harder on me than I expected. My last ski trip was almost 10 years ago. When I went down the hill the first time I felt exactly like you, I was just like no, this is not for me anymore. I felt silly for wasting money and not skiing with the people I came with. So after that I decided downhill skiing is just not for me - and it’s actually a pretty intense activity! Now I live in a ski area and we hear about serious accidents quite regularly. So I don’t feel bad anymore that I prefer safer winter activities like cross country skiing or snowshoeing. They are far less exhausting and activating for my anxiety and I can actually enjoy the beautiful nature around me. I will say I have learned so much the last few years about nervous system dysregulation and that is helping me to understand and begin to learn to manage my anxiety and give my body what it needs. With what you described about your family it sounds like you’ve been through some pretty traumatic experiences growing up and it makes sense that your nervous system would still be carrying a lot of stress built up from that. Irene Lyon here on KZbin provides really great education on dealing with trauma stored in our body and nervous system regulation techniques. In the end I think you did amazing considering all you were dealing with. You found ways to manage your stress like taking a break and listening to music. And you filmed it all too! Which also I’m sure added a layer or stress. I just want to say all this so you know you are definitely not alone dealing with these issues. Even if the people directly around you don’t feel the same there are many out there who do. It’s so hard but I’m learning not to compare myself to others who live in completely different bodies and have had completely different experiences than me. But people like you who share their experiences honestly help me feel so much less alone! So thank you for that. Oh and yes TTPD is such a great winter album 🤍

You and your feelings are normal. Don’t feel as though you’re alone in your feelings. I have high anxiety and I’m more of a homebody than my husband but my husband loves the outdoors and any activities outside. Sometimes we get somewhere and have to turn around immediately because I’m so anxious I physically cannot do it. I’ve started crying on our outings before. Sometimes, I can handle it and we do outdoor things. You have to take it day by day and what you’re comfortable with. When my husband and I plan time away, we try to find things I would enjoy as well (mostly lowkey). I understand how you feel and you are not alone! 💕

Wow!! So happy you got to experience skiing in Breck! I'm from Vail, so this video was so lovely to see & remind me of home ❤

oh my gatos I would have not done well with that couple fighting... just hearing that ish makes me shake like a little Chihuahua! I didn't grow up with parents yelling at each other but I have had some of my own experiences (though same as that girl, I was the quiet one being yelled at).. but I just don't like fighting or confrontations in general..

I definitely relate to the listening-to-something-with-an-earbud thing.. ever since 2020, I HAVE to be distracted by something in my ear while out in public, especially while grocery shopping since I swear I have PSTD from being harassed and kicked out of places and yelled at by other customers for like three years... I never wore a mask for several reasons, which is really nobody's business, and I was treated horribly because of it. Even in the few places I WAS "allowed" in, I was usually the only one sans mask and it gave me so much anxiety to see everyone's faces covered. The earbud thing started then and now I can't NOT do it, even though we have freedom of entry and movement now... my god they better never pull that BS again I can't handle another round of that insanity. I almost always have an earbud in one ear lol.. it's the one perk I have at work, and I listen to vids or audiobooks on my daily 3 mile walks, and I listen while driving and out in public... might as well just implant it and make me a cyborg beep-beep-boop-boop 🤖😂

0:26 - Look at all the tabs! 🤩 I love the Goosebumps tee! Geodes are gorgeous. My mom wants an amethyst one, but I don't make amethyst geode money. So glad you had fun shopping! Those shots of the mountain were sooo pretty. Had Bradley ever skied before? Ugh to the couple (the man) who were yelling across the hall... 35:22 - To be fair, it's not everyday you have to deal with that. I'm glad you feel good about your trip and stepping out of your comfort zone in retrospect! These videos lately have been so real, and these moments where you overcome obstacles help so much!

I’m sure there’s lots more to do than skiing. Go out and find the things you enjoy. You’re so lucky to be able to have this experience….but in all honesty, there is no place like home!

I recognize Detroit metro

Great vlog! I LOVE the costume, and how you actually showed what was in the libraries! 😂 I will say, as an LFL steward, coming out to my library to find it crammed overfull is a frustrating experience, so definitely something you could do that would help, and would help with situations like the final library where you grabbed four books but didn’t have anything to drop off, is to remove some of those "too many" books from an overfull library and just keep them in your car to recirculate when you find yourself in a situation like that or when you come to a library and it's empty. That way people aren't frustrated by books falling out/being impossible to see, but they are still moving around the community, and empty libraries especially get love. (When a library is cleared out at once or appears frequently empty because it's in a popular location, sometimes it's difficult for the steward to fill it back up on their own.) Of course, this video is over a year old, so maybe you do that now 🤷

Love that you are finding your love for watching KZbin again. I will check out the channel you mentioned. I really appreciate other creators that also share about their challenges. YESSSS on the paralysis on hanging pictures. They don't get put up for sometimes years until at some point I just get enough of it and either hang them or donate them. I relate so hard to so much of what you have said in this video. That lasagna looks so yum!

My lovely friend... you are so loved and appreciated here in this space. Thank you for always being such a responsible and open human. I'm sorry anxiety and depression is a thing you have to live with, but I'm proud of you for keeping going and keeping trying what you can, when you can! I want to be honest with you too. I judge you when I watch... I see you as a highly competent person who has a lot to give this world that happens to be having a hard time and whose anxiety is lying so hard to you.

Great video!!!! And I love the shirt so much so much.

As someone transitioning through a different/newer/more evolved version of myself as well, I commend your honesty and vulnerability. I could never put myself out there they way you have. Thank you for your transparency and for reminding us that it's ok to not be ok and it's ok to change and continuously work on ourselves. Stuff anyone who tells you otherwise! Happy to be on this journey with you. X

I’m also bipolar and on medication. I also was going to therapy with the same therapist for 3 years but, she moved out of state and I’ve struggled to find another that helps as much as she did. I just want you to know that I understand some of your struggles and I also think it’s fantastic that you’re finding comfort in books, movies, and cooking. It really helps to find things that can bring joy or comfort when you’re struggling.

Your backyard is beautiful!!

"Reading is not the problem, the habits I developed around the hobby became unhealthy" really resonated with me, especially in the conversation of pushing to hard for self-set goals. I can think of multiple hobbies where I pushed myself so hard because I told myself I had to and then ended up hating the activity. But it really is about how you allow yourself to interact with it

LOVE your glasses, you look so good! I literally might order the same pair. Also love the idea of rereading books and giving updated reviews/analysis, especially for classics like Jane Austin's, like being able to look back previous takes and if you still agree and not!

I'd rather read 100 books a year cause I don't remember much anyway.😇

💕💕💕

This video literally helped me so much! 💕

Your glasses are so cute!!🫶🏽🫶🏽

So jealous of your Goodwill Bookstore! And all those vintage Betty Ren Wright! She's hard to find in the wild, I had to get most of mine on Pango.

I have never heard of a Goodwill Bookstore and I am insanely jealous that you have one! This was such a fun video, and you look amazing with the bangs and those glasses.

There are several used bookstores near me, but no Goodwill Bookstores. Sad.

7:31 - I laughed out loud at "What a hunk! Too bad he's dead..." So many of those books you picked up looked so nostalgic even though I'd never read them. Haha. You've convinced me to go to a used bookstore tomorrow. 😆

Nice work 👏 👌 👍

Unrelated but the glasses look so good with the bangs! That combo is 🔥

I am reading The Blue Castle by LM Montgomery and am LOVING it!!!!!

"Digesting the story with my eyes and not just my ears" was so lovely to hear.

I love low key and chill for you my sweet friend. I am so into these glasses and this relaxed look for you. You haven't deceived anyone, make up or high energy or in any other way. You deserve to show up at any capacity you feel you want to be percieved. It's up to us to be here for the ride. I will be staying for all versions of you that come forward. I love this video. I adore you.

Brilliant video 👍🏻

I feel so many parallels between your story and mine, Mikala. I’ve put three pets to sleep in 18 months and I dealt with so much sadness and guilt from that, but I try to remind myself that I gave them all the best possible life and there was nothing else that I could ask of them or that they could ask of me. I found losing them so triggering in terms of anxiety, too, but I’ve recently started medication for that and things are starting to look up a bit. I have such an addictive personality, particularly with video games, too. But honestly I think it’s no harm - it’s a way to relax when relaxing feels really hard. I hope you’re able to give yourself some grace. You’ve really been through so much 💛