Do Open Relationships ACTUALLY Work? - TWR Podcast #84

[@12weekrelationships]

What do you all think? Do you think open relationships/marriages work?

[@MadDog8932]

HELL NO!!! An Open Marriage is not a Marriage at all.

[@TheNAUGHTYGYMShow]

Ours works. We have been in an open relationship for about 9 years and are blissfully happy. We also host events domestic and international events full of people who are making it work. And what little data exists seem to show that non-monogamous people are at least as happy in there relationship as monogamous people. - Scott

[@bernardoteodoro8951]

From the experience of one university student (in europe) I’m seeing this concept (plus hook up culture) causing much more harm than good, with friendships and relationships being ruined by it, and people understanding that they are not so in control of their emotions and desires, being controlled by them, most of the time, in this situations. Is easy to things to work out for 3 to 6 months, and that is the time the majority of this relationships endure in my experience, after that, shit begins. And because of this, my belief that the great majority of people are fundamentally pair bounding, just became stronger.

[@themisfire1]

Great episode. But holy cow the THOUGHT of an open relationship gives me anxiety. I can't imagine trying to find another sexual partner at my age. Gah so thankful I'm happily married.

[@12weekrelationships]

Haha, we’d generally agree with that as well ;)

[@Rainy_Fernandez]

Interesting conversation! I’m a millennial and I personally never desired to be married and I also do not want kids. My views on marriage have been tainted by seeing the unhealthy relationship dynamic between my parents when I was growing up, society, and culture. I am only interested in a monogamous relationship and value loyalty, and having a deep emotionally and physically intimate connection with my partner and would treat the commitment as serious as a marriage, just without the piece of paper. I think loyalty is rare these days. I also don’t view sex as something casual. I think in general, people lack self control. Ultimately it comes down to values, and working on maintaining open and transparent communication (which is hard enough as it is for most people). I’ll never understand it but to each their own.

[@letpeoplebe]

That piece of paper would protect your rights and deter a man openly cheating on you.

[@lestermatos2989]

My god your voices are sooo sooothing! It’s asmr and PBS COMBINED

[@operavin]

They definitely have great voices, but they also have really great microphones. It’s one of those things that drives me absolutely bonkers in the KZbin world. They have invested in some nice equipment.

[@Antonio-w2x-b9u]

The mistake several people is if you are in a bonded relationship, it's going to be difficult on the trust factor. It can damage, break up,,change your emotions, and you have to learn how deal with and readjust in many ways.

[@audunique6905]

Telling someone to stop having feelings for someone isn’t even possible. 😕 They might say they will stay away but in reality you just made it more taboo… they will continue seeing that person regardless. That’s why this is dangerous to monogamous relationships. You are sharing energy and fluids with other people and you’re not going to have feelings for them?? That’s just ridiculous in my opinion. Unless it’s like a one in done thing… you just don’t sleep with the same person. That’s probably the only way to keep this model honest.

[@erikclausen7629]

Meta conversation that admittedly might get addressed later as I haven't listened all the way through yet, but in regard to the 'success rate' study referenced at the beginning referencing 50% of monogamous and 8% of open relationships 'fail'. I reject the idea that there is such a thing, on either side of the spectrum. The idea that once a relationship ends, it qualifies as 'failure' is utter nonsense, as I'm sure we all know, or have experienced ourselves relationships that ended that made both parties better for it. Qualifying a relationship as a 'success' simply because it hasn't ended is fallacious as well. Just because something didn't last forever does not mean it was a failure, just as something that hasn't ended yet is therefore a success. When a 25 year relationship ends (as mine did), when did is stop being 'successful' or become a 'failure'?

[@wtfatc4556]

Well I am shur most of open relationship are mor like no relationships. Hence the 8%. Never counted every date as a relationship

[@bunnya2377]

So from my personal perspective on this. I've been delving into all different kinds of relationships from monogamous relationships to same-sex to polyamory. I've looked into all of these, and for myself, (I don't think it's because it's the way I'm raised) I think it's literally the way I am made at my core, I have zero desire to want to be involved in a non monogamous relationship. From the time I was young, it was very well-known that I don't share well, didn't want to share my toys, and didn't want to share my friends. I don't want to share my lover. I just don't. And it's hard for me to be okay with my lover being willing to share me with somebody else. I don't think it has anything to do withhaving an old-fashid mindset. I'm not, I'm very match about a non-traditional woman being able to have kids if she wants, work if she wants, have kids and work, any variety. I'm very much okay with women doing jobs that are traditionally held by men. I don't believe in any way, shape or form of societies, gender expectations. I feel like I'm really progressive. In a lot of ways, so I don't think my view on marriage or non marriage and monogamy and non-monogamy, I don't think it has anything to do with society, I think it has to do with who I am as a person. As a person, I don't want to share, and I don't want to be shared.

[@arxatoli6775]

Wow so little views yet so much value , Open relationships could work only if both people are emotinally mature enough and have a solid foundation in their relationship. Now on the context of catching feelings with sex parteners i dont think its that bad. I mean whats so wrong about loving somebody ? Jealousy ? Well whats wrong with Jealousy ? Everything...litteraly the root of all evil it stems from EGO. Now if u find ur partner having more interest towards the other side of the court which is predominant fear when talking about open relationships,polygamy,polyamory etc. You have to realize that there simply wasnt enough interesst to begin with , they were just hanging out in a comfort zone with you. Heck its just the truth being uncovered, look at it like a stoic straight in the face and accepts it for what it is . Just like our poly sexual nature. AND NO sex is not just about Sex. Its about love weither people admit it or not. Being intimate with other people is just our lust for more validation and love

[@markreynolds4176]

Divorce rate is skewed bc many people have multiple divorces. Heather metric is first time marriage divorce, which is closer to 30%

[@coburgkid]

Open relationship = Let me look for someone better while I have you at home until I find it.

[@lurking2182]

True for ALL marriages

[@dalisayvaldez3270]

These are fantastic arguments. Both sides have exciting views

[@purplewater18]

When he said "reduces the sexual expectations of that relationship". Isn't that good though? The guy on the left is way less biased than the guy on the right for sure.

[@jademarini1335]

Should have let the doc talk instead of steering the convo toward your personal opinion on the matter. But ok

[@coburgkid]

Open relationship = Let me look for someone better while I have you at home until I find that person.

[@stevec.8196]

Pineapple does indicate a swinger type lifestyle. The upside down pineapple indicates that the couple or person is looking for another couple or person. Not a swinger, but have tried a few times (Before marriage) with my current partner (Wife). 19 years together and 9 years married. Swinging did not work for us. my wife seemed fine with it, but I was not. I was bigger (junk) than the other guy, so this made it easier, but I still did not like to see another man in my woman.

[@Lookklaus]

I don't think you two are educated enough in open relationships. Multiple times during this conversation you confused open relationships with polyamory. I'd recommend spending time and listening to people in various types of open relationships. Many gay men especially make these work and it's not always in the context of two people at the end of their relationship.

[@PsychicNP]

Exactly who has the time for that??!?!?!?😮

[@corysmith3447]

Ok the man on the right doesnt seem to know of the best kind of relationship there is for many or most people, an open relatioship wher eyou have only one wife or GF, and important that you dont DATE any other people (like will smiths fiasco) you only have 1 or 2 or more if you want freinds with benifiits that you see maximum 2-3 hours once a week or once a month so this does not create jelouisy and drama and you have more than plenty of time to spend with your kids and wife or GF, this has a huge succsfukl track record , most people do open relatioships wrong where they either have multpile girlfredins or wives, or they date othe people dooing confusing boyfreind behaviour like going on trips togethor metting their freinds and family spedning the entire night or two days in row etc. also id like to know where this 92% failure rate comes from there is no peer revieewd acedemic scintific study or survey i can find and ive checked for hours, can you post a link

[@AnnaSarogianni]

These friends also fuck your wife or GF?

[@letpeoplebe]

You are a man, arent you😅

[@harunkhan9307]

Yes That`s Grate

[@endlessroads9936]

Hahaha , having a contract ! a marriage is a contract , and its broke 70% times, how many of the open relationship contract will not be broke.

[@sophiekhomiakova7385]

I'm sorry, but how can you compare these stats?! 50% of marriages end up with a divorce. It doesn't mean that 50% of marriages are successful. Logistics 101: AB≠BA. There are lots of reasons why people don't file for a divorce. What you should have compared instead is how many people are actually happy in a long-term married/not married relationship. I'm pretty sure you'd end up with the same statistics, about 8% max.

[@Antonio-w2x-b9u]

Yes and we role-playing helped each of us, and we first tried sex acts and recorded ourselves in so many sex positions bought Few hundred dollars on sex toys we jerked in front of each other and we did it for each other. The toys were were helpful and crazy fun. Most of all we were so happy with each other. She sent me to her best friend who was divorced near a year. She just said, go take these toys give her an all night sex, take several brakes, talk to her tell her we will find her a partner. That was the most difficult thing to over come. After few guys we found by accident a nerdy guy who was fun to be around. Turned he was a good match. Trust turned out good. We did the swinger thing a few times a few were ok only two were worth it the expensive $$$. We met a couple in their mid 50s the were a joyous times, like friends next door neighbors they had several different interests. And very polite.

[@zraiderz]

Open relationships are like cigarettes. It’s a personal lifestyle choice. you don’t need to try it to know the pros and cons of smoking

[@reny9351]

Guy on the right seems too closed minded and biased lol. I like the guy on the left gives emphasis on each topics without resorting to his own bias perspective.

[@endlessroads9936]

Its will not work. You think that people will change if they have open relationship, So you set rules, If the person a cheater, you say ok we will have rules, but you can have sex . But dont breck those rules, You think its going change, say you have a rule, on weekends we need to have sex, but week day ylthen have other, then one find a partner they like better, they breck that rules, are clise there eyes think about the other, and you become the toy,, Why not get in a relationship, just date till find that one who hit all the piont you need.

There is a misconceptions here. The fear that there is only 10% success shouldn't be the anti factor but rather the opposite. being open is a more philosophical concept of embracing the true uncertainty of existence and accepting that we are choosing everyday with who we want to be, and not be stuck in a relationships due to norms.

[@chronobretz9511]

No they can not

[@austinmurray5444]

Post-Nuptual. More like Post-NUTtual…inappropriate..