270. Breakup Rut (The Love Chat)

[@TheLoveChat]

Friends, Have you recently been through a breakup and need counseling? Check out BetterHelp: www.betterhelp.com/Rory - (Get 10% off using that link.) I am sponsored by BetterHelp. I believe in mental health.

[@DigitalFire5000]

Could you possibly do a video about exes getting on dating apps right after the breakup? It had only been like 10 days before I regrettably saw it.

[@mlf9139]

I’m curious about what to do when your family is so involved due to religion or cultural beliefs that it pushes the person to break up with you so they can do what their family wants... and then you are basically in an arranged relationship. Regrettably so. How do you fix that situation when you reconnect with the dumper as the dumper. Can this be salvaged? Can we make this work?

[@187jamjam]

@@mlf9139 I am currently in this situation too 😭💔

[@mlf9139]

@@187jamjam what culture what religion?

[@187jamjam]

@@mlf9139 my ex was Muslim Pakistani. Dated for two years and were engaged. He broke it off due to family pressure to have arranged marriage. His family don't know about me at all. At the time he cried to me and told me he had no choice and that he has to do what they want but he loves me and his heart is with me. His parents are extremely emotionally abuse and use religious blackmail. Can't help thinking if we both still love and want each other why can't it work. Also thinking that if he's in a arranged situation he doesnt really want to be in, will it fail? I can't help think that it must do if his heart is not in it. Part of me hopes it will so we can have a chance at a future together. What about you?

[@aaronchan4830]

A year ago, I went through a breakup and I found this channel. I still have my bad days and dating is on the back burner for me. However, in the same year, I lost 50 pounds, ran my first half marathon, got into law school and traveled unknown places on own for the first time before Covid happened. Trust in what Rory says, set goals and put yourself in uncomfortable/new situations. For me, the breakup was rockbottom, I couldn't go any lower than that. It's so much better to fail at something knowing you tried than to sit back and wonder what if. I failed a lot this year, but looking back I also found lot of success because I stopped caring about what people thought (including my ex) and started living. Best of luck to everyone!

[@TheLoveChat]

Love this comment!! Well done, Aaron!

[@aaronchan4830]

@@TheLoveChat Thank you Rory for reminding us our lives aren't over when we go through a break up. It's just the start of another chapter in our lives

[@brainblips777]

[@thelemonadejourney]

Even though I have been through the worst of my breakup last year I still enjoy watching your videos, they always cheer me up and help me reassure myself that I am on the right track.. becoming a better version of myself is a journey that‘ll never stop! I don’t think I will ever fully stop watching your videos but I found my „healthy weekly dosage“ :) Thanks for coaching me for the past 15 months!!! ♥️ Because of you.. ... I started loving myself/working on myself ..started counseling ...deleted ALL social media a year ago ... found happiness in myself without NEEDING another person Thank you Rory!

[@TheLoveChat]

Very proud of you, Julia!!

[@meleciamegan]

Hi Julia! I've seen your comments on some of Rory's video hehe I've watched Rory since March and he really helped me get through my recent heart break. I hope you're doing well :)

[@georginovalsan4715]

Amazing :D

[@petaakolarov135]

After 5 months of NC and self improvement I reconnected with my ex for about a month or so but then she decided she was too afraid to give it another go, so I accepted that and continued to live my life.. I've been seeing multiple attractive women, I'm in the best shape I've ever been and I'm almost graduate from college. Yes I still think about her and miss her, but guys you have to remember what attracted her to you in the first place? Dont put your life on hold or get too invested into your partner because it will push them away. Stay on your grind and improve as much as you can... they will notice that trust me. And most likely they will come around eventually.

[@thaotran6587]

Having such a rough week. I thought i was doing well then i took a dip this week. Listening to your videos again and again this week to feel better. This video is so needed. Thank you! ❤

[@CasualEngineering]

Is it just my impression or is Rory getting wiser with each new video? ❤️

[@TheLoveChat]

Very kind - thank you. :)

[@emocentofficial3487]

We all get wiser as we get older or get new experiences

[@SoCalSuperCarZz]

This channel has helped me tremendously. I went through one of the worst breakup. I was in a 15 year relationship. After she broke up with me, I thought it was done for good. I followed a lot of advice from this channel. I’ve broken contact more than once. Through it all, I stayed strong and worked on myself. My ex, reached out today. Today marks officially 5 months since we’ve last spoken. She agreed she would speak to me on the phone. I hope this turns out well

[@U.Sir.Name7]

How did things go?

[@GreatKingBenis]

Rory I swear man you're right on time with everything. I've been feeling like straight up shit for the past few weeks and its baffled me. Your insight helped me and I think I need to refocus on what my goals are and start moving toward them. I've slowed down and it feels like death, like I'm not doing anything. I thought I was worried about burning myself out, but that's a BS lie I told myself. The best revenge isn't revenge but rather a life that you cultivate yourself for yourself.

[@delonmcguire1768]

I only listened to 2mins of this video and man I swear my anxiety went down. For some reason it’s like every time I listen to Rorys videos I’m calm and I appreciate all that you do man. Your very inspirational.

[@ramses8847]

I think covid has a lot to do with amplifying the rut. My city isn't fully reopened and we are still working from home. It's been like this since March and there is no end in sight.

[@TheLoveChat]

True - the pandemic makes things a bit more challenging - but not impossible.

[@ramses8847]

@@TheLoveChat Still putting in the work: running when I can, doing exercises in my apartment. Working on my career (starting software engineering internship). I love to travel though and think this is really good for breakups but the places to go now are extremely limited. Been a year since the breakup, no contact with ex, she is in a new relationship and I am doing my best to move on. I still want to fast forward a year or two though.

[@shannond8029]

Thats it ! I'm saving up for my own motorcycle! So over thinking this guy is ever going to make a move to be back in my life. I was the one that walked 5 months ago and nothing I've done so much work on myself learned about attachment styles and keep myself as busy as possible during C19 im just sick of the constant thinking about it all when I am stagnant. I will keep moving but my mind turns on any ol time it wants and im finding that to be the hardest part. Ok off to start picking out what kinda Harley I want. Good luck to all ❤

[@hummerh2936]

When I ride my Harley along the country roads it is one of the greatest therapies out there. :)

[@pratikjedhe9506]

why do i trust you so much..your videos give me relief...i am student right now and i dont earn...but once i find a job...i am gonna call you and thank you personally...u have helped me alot through these videos...i am in much better place now...mentally...thanks to you rory...god bless you...keep up the good work man

[@bystandersarah]

My entire house and neighborhood and city are the triggers! I’ve been getting rid of stuff I even love because a conversation or he was there when I bought it etc. certain foods are triggers, the ceiling in my bedroom is a trigger. My own body is a trigger. The shower is a trigger. Almost everything is a trigger 😑

[@rileyorr8947]

I'm in the same boat lol. I've sold so much stuff.

[@MiMi-ks8qq]

Oh, my god!!! The timing of this vid is impeccable!!! Was just contemplating about being stuck for 5 months!!! Thank you!!! 💖

[@donkndave7811]

My get up and go has got up and left. Im in a rut.

[@marydelacruz9874]

I went through the worst of my breakup last year (this month makes one year post breakup). I have my good days and my bad days but 90% good days. I've been going back and forth on the idea of starting my own online business and have clouded myself with a lot of doubts and discouragement. I have taken a lot at so many others doing what I want to do that I've felt like, what could I possibly offer? How could I possibly stand out in this market? I continue to listen to your videos for my continuous personal growth. This video is just what I needed today to push myself into taking this risk. Thank you for all that you do. You really have helped me in more ways than I can describe

[@Bible2Business]

It’s been 8 month no contact and 11 months since the BU I’ve made progress but damn. I guess I have to accept she’s never coming back because she probably isn’t. She hasn’t been in a relationship since the BU

[@misstali6303]

As long as you two are both alive, there is a chance. I am in the same situation LTR with 7 months of NC. Just hold your head up and move on anyway. You are worth a fricken phone call.... just remember how cruel they are to you. Let them come back with their tail between their legs and force them to eat some humble pie. If this relationship is meant to be, it will be. If not you are way, way better off without them. Also, you have to remember the person you fell in love with really does not exist anymore. You have to accept that part of it. That is the REAL TRUTH. So if they do come back, and the person needs to prove themselves to you, but it will never be the same. If you can accept that, so be it. They likely have had sex with someone else, or many others. Think about that. Think about how selfish they were just so they could be "happy". They did not think about their partners happiness. They could have worked it out if they were willing to, but they chose not to. Also, the trust issue is maybe something you may not be able to get past. They severed the sacred relationship that took love, time and trust to develop. They broke your trust in the "us" part of it. WTH???. They broke your heart. Who the hell does that crap????? I am beginning to think that person is a big nobody and should stay the hell away..

[@Bible2Business]

@@misstali6303 she’s young (17) and we have MANY mutual friends and she isn’t the type to just have random sex, she always told me that she thought random sex was stupid. It’s possible she had it but unlikely because I haven’t heard anything, she had a thing with a guy for 2 months and all they did was kiss/makeout she didn’t even go to second base, I’m not defending her in anyway but I honestly don’t think she’s had sex with some one else. We were eachother’s first and I know she will never forget me. If we never get back together I know at some point she will let someone in intimately eventually but I’m pretty sure she hasn’t yet. Thanks for the kind words.

[@Bible2Business]

@@misstali6303 i know that kissing was all they did because when she left him for the reason that “she wasn’t ready” he told people what they did and he confessed that all they did was makeout. I understand that in breakups with adults this is really possible for the partner who broke up to go and have sex with others, but I should’ve mentioned our age. She’s 17 and I’m 18

[@shouqshouq1854]

Please keep doing what you're doing Rory your making our daily life much much easier and great for the long term

[@dawnhsu6770]

Im a lesbian but everytime i hear your voice, feels like im getting confused with my gender preference hahaha just kiddin, Rory.. Stay safe dude.

[@andyho4382]

Would you be able to do an episode about emotional manipulation? For example, when a partner threatens to harm themselves to get their way. Then perhaps, another episode about leaving and letting go of that type of person/relationship. Thanks, I always look forward to your videos

[@TheLoveChat]

Sure!

[@meleciamegan]

My ex dumped me last May 10 (and I've cut off contact since then) but i just found out this week that he replaced me with a new girl on May 24 (I'm guilty of checking his social media lol I know I should've not done that) His reason of breaking up is: 1) his recent divorce (finalized last March) is affecting him, 2) because we were in an LDR due to the pandemic, he said he couldn't wait for a year or two til I can come visit him in Australia (I live in the Philippines); 3) the trauma he experienced this year makes him incapable of being committed in a serious relationship... But bam, two weeks later after dumping me, he found a Thai girl that lives in Sydney. I was so pissed I messaged him and well, let's just say I won the argument. Still, it doesn't change the fact that I am angry for what he has done to me. For giving me petty excuses to dump me. I feel shitty right now and I know this won't last forever, but I just want to hurt him as much as he hurt me tbh. Anyway, I hope you guys are doing well! Life is tough right now but thanks to Rory, he's helping us pull our shit together 😂

[@youludufutur1374]

Let's be honest, the quest "Forget about ur ex" is in Difficultmode with corona and stuff. We are not really helped. Especially for us guys, when we know that girls just need to post 2 pictures on any app to get an infinite amount of potential new boyfriends. Mine already has one. Still, i start doing music again, take care of my diet, build some musles... but my social life is close to 0 with home office and all my friends not being in the country i am now. Being a man dealing with a break up in 2020 clearly SUX. CLEARLY SUX.

[@TheLoveChat]

If that's the story you want to tell yourself.

[@TOBSAUR]

Nice new logo man!

[@nelsonbrooks9527]

7 months no contact..and i accidentally saw my ex..i think she saw me too..i did not approach and just left the area..not sure whether if that's the right thing to do or not?..😓

[@letsroll4069]

You on insta?

[@Itsnotdiego]

Hey rory, It’s been months now since the break up. And I had to coaching sessions with you they were really helpful thank you for your help. Being in self isolation has made me feel like I’m back in the rut so I appreciate the timing on this video. You’re right there’s a lot more that I could be doing. Thanks for keeping me in check. I still miss her but I’ve been on a couple dates and even enjoyed myself with their company. Thank you rory for always being there.

[@dbri4918]

Hey Rory ! Next topic “The ex who went back to their ex”

[@Eddy12501]

Kind of 4 months in and still feeling like shit :)

[@Cldbl00d]

Does anyone else want to date Rory?

[@hummerh2936]

Great guy, emphasis on guy. Ill pass! lolo Atlas will too. lololo

[@jasminrodriguez5513]

Yah 😳🙈

[@BurtKocain]

Openness is more different from extraversion than you think. Openness is strongly correlated with creativity and intelligence. For example, those who are high in the trait of openness are more likely to find enjoyment in different kinds of books, music, or movies. They're more likely to try novel ideas and new experiences. It's not just about being open to meeting people (but I get why you're likening it to that in this context!)

[@doudoudou5971]

Your video and voice is the highlight of my day👍❤️

[@TheLoveChat]

You are so kind!!

[@alyssamitchell2325]

Rory I need your opinion on something, if I don’t want my ex back I just truly want to get over them, if I stick to no contact and work on me will I most likely get over them?

[@pattiherland8420]

You sir, are a mind reader, pretty much blown away but thank you for a very good video. Needed this, perfect timing, I’m planning a month long road trip up the CA coast, into Oregon, Idaho, then back to CO. Scary but needed. Thank you 😊

[@TheLoveChat]

Glad it was helpful!

[@teodoaandjelkovic2403]

After 2 and a half month,i accedently broke no contact. I called him completly accidently. What now?! Ah,am so miserable....😭😰

[@christiannapalladinou5448]

Just go back to no contact, like it never happened.

[@teodoaandjelkovic2403]

@@christiannapalladinou5448 but now looks like am still hanging on him and everything that no contact should do just in reverse...😭😭😩

[@pomlett88]

Rory, my ex lives one minute away, I have to pass her apartment everyday and everytime I leave the house there's a risk of bumping into her. The triggers are constant and unavoidable and I find myself addicted to preparing/rehearsing for the moment I bump into her. Any advice?

[@bryanunion5110]

Move

[@delonmcguire1768]

You need to focus on personal growth so when you do have that encounter your anxiety doesn’t make you say the wrong thing or act out of proportion, but when you do Just act like everything is fine and that your ok with the break up, also don’t mention anything about the break up at all. Hang in there man.

[@hgzmatt]

Exposing yourself to it might also make it less painful in time.. but maybe you can take a detour for now.

[@heytechno4347]

Rory, could you please do friend with benefit with ex. Pro and cons

[@yeuruuerueeheue]

lmao there are no pros

[@Fiscalvids]

I was pretty much over her after 3 months, (2 no contact), but then she wanted to give me a tshirt back and we met up. She is doing absolutely terribly and it brought me back down

[@SDPh.D.]

Kudos for recommending The Big Five!

[@PatrickJ10]

Very helpful, thank you!

[@rickzaman]

Thankyou for the video. keeps me going.

[@rubyray777]

Always perfect timing! Thanks!

[@hummerh2936]

Hi Rory, Atlas and I (Atlas being an English mastiff dog) remember your previous youtube video. We both gathered a bucket of smiles, happiness, and joy for you. SENT! We know your production plant of this substance is malfunctioning and yields a shortage. We have a shortage in other areas but wanted to send you joy, smiles and happiness because we have plenty of that to share for others. . You are an amazing man. Don't ever let the demons get ahold of you or drag your butt down. Atlas and I believe in you and know your a phenomenal man.. Work on your smile and we will supplement you with overflowing happiness and joy. .. We need you! We know you speak Mastiff and Rick. :) We both believe in you and need you to help us along with a long long long expired breakup that we are still hanging on to. Whether you can help us or not, we want you to manufacture joy. We are determined to make sure your manufacturing plant is up and running soon. :)))) We know you are great and we can deliver smiles, joy, and happiness anytime you may need it. :) We were taught to share. Even if its emotions. :) Rick n Atlas

[@TheLoveChat]

Much love to both of you!! :)

[@Minilover-ec7ci]

7 weeks since the break up 2 weeks completely NC It's getting easier but I'm getting flashbacks of the relationship, my ex gf broke up with me and it's been the hardest break up yet because we was actually good together and it's a massive shame we couldn't work things out but that's the universe's way of telling me to move on because somethings not quite right

[@Minilover-ec7ci]

Update: I'm glad I've moved on 😄

[@VyLe-zw6oq]

you're an extreme analysis Rory

[@volkerwanderung1426]

I broke up with my ex a few months back after a turbulent relationship (lockdown also didn't help!) I had a feeling that something wasn't right and it turns out she had lined up someone else. My ex reached out two weeks after the break up saying how miserable she was despite being with this girl I cut off communication and have been in no contact for nearly 2 months now. Got a new job, been going to the gym, working on my business and noticed one late night out of curiosity, that my ex has unblocked me? She has posted no photos anywhere whatsoever of this guy she is apparently with (even though she did when we were together). My question is should I stay in no contact and wait for her to reach out?

[@annejean3767]

Hey Rory, thank you so much for another video, it's a perfect one for my current situation

[@77BLAZER77]

I want to know this as well

[@Maxxie2095]

I'm not an expert, but I think your chances are never really gone, but you can never be sure what the future holds. Just set bounderies and let them know you're not interested in friendship as too much has happened between you guys, and if they would like to try again romantically they can let you know. This makes them respect you in the long run. Just keep working on improving yourself. Than you have the highest possibilty of them coming back, and if they don't, either way you should be fine.

[@annejean3767]

@@Maxxie2095 Thank you for your reply, that's exactly what I did - I was polite but I rejected his offer (he asked me to meet up for a coffee), and told him to let me know if he changes his mind about us. I'm currently doing ok and I feel at peace, proud that I finally said no to being just friends :) We will all be fine, it just takes time!

[@qteam244]

Me broke up in may. We didn’t go in no contact after the break up we agreed to be friends but I had an hidden agenda to get her back which was wrong we got in big fight last week and she blocked me then unblocked me then block me again I haven’t heard from her only this past Monday. And it was small talk and I told her did u want me in your life she didn’t reply at all it’s Friday and still haven’t heard from her tomorrow would have been our anniversary and I’m still hurt idk if I should reach out or not

[@FindTheCureGBS]

Went out and risked at a dealership.. Lost 12 thousand dollars

[@ShadoWolfSigma]

Needed this today. You sure you don't read minds?

[@story_time_bd2512]

Make video on long distance breakup during this pandemic :)

[@РуменКовачев-р2е]

Great video!

[@TheLoveChat]

Thanks for the visit

[@Sirlance87]

Right on time

[@emocentofficial3487]

Hey Rory, this video is informative have been dumped 5-6 months ago, she have reached out couple of times just to disappear next day (have been mildly stalking my insta stories) and I am doing everything you have mentioned in this video even dating new people still can't get over intrusive thoughts and dreams about her. These new girls doesn't stack up to her. Your thoughts???

[@shannond8029]

Same here.

[@tacobelle69]

Are you still looking at her social media? Are you still watching your own social media in hopes of a view or like? If you keep picking a scab it will never heal. I suggest a social media break. Definitely don’t look at her SM and personally I wouldn’t let her see anything going on in your life.... I would stop posting on social media.. that might even make her curious what you’re up to, enough to maybe even reach out... but seriously when I finally stopped the social media peeking is when I started to move on. Good luck! Ps if these girls aren’t “stacking up” it’s probably because you’re not over your ex. I’m sure they are perfectly good woman but you keep comparing... so my suggestion there would to be to heal, work on yourself, hang out with family and friends and forget about dating until you’re actually ready.

[@tacobelle69]

Shannon D read my response to Emocent :)

[@jayvinlancioni9473]

(The question is at the end). My girlfriend broke up with me n said she needed space I begged and pleaded but finally gave her space, I did no contact for 5 days and she contacted me with phone calls, texts, and a voicemail. I approached it well but ended up saying fuck it and I told her that we could make this work and i loved her and missed missed her. The next day she took me completely off of her Instagram. I was confused because of our last talk so I tried to text her and I appeared needy and said how this whole break up sucked and how she was cowardly to not even answer my calls. This was definitely wrong Ik I’m stupid. After I said this she said that she was completely over it and her only conflict was that she still loved me. After this I didn’t beg and I tried to end it on better terms but didn’t say that I wanted to be friends or that crap. Almost a month has passed and she hasn’t contacted me at all. My question here is will no contact work if I screwed it up at first and then went back into it again? (hopefully this made sense) our relationship lasted almost a year and we had way more good times then bad. We only had 5 fights, but she said they took a toll on her.

[@geescold2985]

looks like she had anxiety about losing you and when you rushed in you just showed her that if whatever she is doing fails you will be there on tbe sidelines waiting. i say go no contact but not to get her back but so you can work on yourself and if she comes back she comes back if not you’ll find someone better... also watch craig kenneth too

[@jayvinlancioni9473]

G’z-COLD !!! Thanks and ya that’s exactly what happened.

[@tacobelle69]

Work for what? You’re looking at no contact all wrong. No contact is for YOU to heal and for YOU to move on...so that being said, no contact will absolutely work for you. Don’t think of no contact as some sort of magic spell to get your ex back. I went no contact for 6 months, he came back right as I moved on then left again a month later. Them coming back isn’t always a good thing. Anyway, if you want to go through that and I’m sure you want her to contact you the best thing is NO CONTACT..and when I say no contact I mean: no contacting her in any way at any time, don’t look at her social media and do not like or respond to anything she posts...also, I would fall off the edge of the earth... don’t let her see ANYTHING you are up to.. that will cause anxiety on her part and that might cause her to reach out to you. If she finally does act aloof and mirror her behavior. Make her work for it so you seem like a chase. Good luck but remember no contact is there to help you move on...join the discord, lots of people going through breakups that can help you

[@jayvinlancioni9473]

Shawna T thank you n ya ik that I had another question which I explained Ik it’s for myself not to get her back.

[@cannoncrazy225]

You do you...they always come back just not always in the capacity you want

[@Jordantzd]

Right where I’m at rory

[@AdirajNigam]

We broke up in August 2019. I am the dumpee. We remained in touch till November after which I had to go into no contact because of getting blocked after begging and pleading. In January this year she reached out. We spoke till Feb end after which she ghosted me for no reason. Since then I have sent a normal text thrice on March, May and yesterday. She has ignored my text in all the 3 occasions. What should I do ?

[@Patrick-oy6er]

Accept it's over.....No contact .....move on.....

[@SchalePetri]

Fuck me mate, right on point. I really needed that.

[@missellarae4656]

This video ❤

[@ares7521]

Hey coach, my ex broke up with me about 2 months ago, a week after she broke up we met up to have a last day together and it was really fun. I told her back then write me when she knows where she is going to move to study ( because she didn't know back then if it ll be the netherlands or austria) and she said she would and she told me to write her and send a picture of a tattoo when I get one, cause I was thinking of doing so. She wrote me about a month ago telling me she is moving to the netherlands (living in germany before that) in august (so sometime thsi month by now) and we had a little back and forth then. My question now is, should I send her a picture of my tattoo when I get it, since she kept her promise to write me where she is moving? I never broke NC and am not planing to, but I do not want to break a promise either.

[@jamiebelly7905]

Hi Rory, thanks for the informative video. My "ex" and I have been together for 2 years and 9 months. Our last meeting was on July 11th but he did not officially break up with me. I asked him for closure and where we stand in our relationship and he just said "I need to see some change from you (referring to my clingyness and jealousy) and then we just said good bye. There has been no contact for 31 days. What does this mean? Is he just needing space and time to figure things out or is he giving me the time to make these changes? Or is he waiting for me to text him first? Im so confused

[@Alchemist_171]

Listening in August 2023 lol

[@ChromeLimit]

You Sound so much like Joji....

[@alvertomartinez1455]

First!!