Dating Over 50: What is Love Bombing? 4 Warning Signs of Coming on Too Strong!

[@RR66125]

My husband came on extremely strong when we first met. I welcomed every bit of the attention and reciprocated in like kind. I moved out of state to be with him and we got married a few months later. Less than a year into the marriage, I started feeling overwhelmed. It took a lot to get past that, but we did. We were married for 24 years. He died of brain cancer in October 2020. So here i am, learning about dating in a changed world at a different age.

[@jerrys9226]

Lovebombing is the immediate red flag in narcissistic relationships. If someone is telling you that you’re their soulmate after the first date it’s time to jam on the brakes.

[@robertvarner9519]

The term "soulmate" makes me want to vomit.

[@jerrys9226]

@@robertvarner9519 me too! It’s so phony!

[@2ndActTV]

Totally agree!! Thanks for watching!

[@spanishpeaches2930]

​@@robertvarner9519generally means ..arse-soul mate imo.

[@amygalvin1799]

From my experience Narcissists / love bombers detach as quickly and easily as they attach to you. They never make a real connection. They seem to enjoy the 🏆 win and move on to the next conquest quickly.

[@2ndActTV]

I agree Amy - it's hot and heavy and then nothing ... that's why hot and happy right up front is at the least a "silent red flag". Thanks for watching!

[@EyeOfScrutiny]

Hi Silke, and I agree. Love bombing is a red flag because it shows emotional immaturity. We think that those of us older than 40 would know better, but each one of us is on our own emotional-maturity path. Emotional maturity is a necessary ingredient to a fulfilling relationship. Finally, exhibiting (and accepting) love bombing reveals a scarcity mindset.

[@2ndActTV]

Yes, spot on! And I definitely had a scarcity mindset after my divorce. Took a while to recognize that!

[@eddy2561]

Another timely, informative video Silke...speaking of warning signs: When I was still online dating I met for lunch a lovely lass in her 60's. We did hit it off. As I walked her to her car after lunch, she turned gave me a hug and announced she now had a boyfriend!! I'm walking away from our meeting thinking to myself, not me you don't. A different time, different lady after 3 weeks of getting to know each other she surprised me by asking if we were now boyfriend - girlfriend. I was so taken by surprise by her question I could only mumble back it was too soon, we need to take it slowly. I think she didn't like my answer....Well, both ladies I was definitely interested in, but they were looking for a commitment I wasn't ready to make ;)

[@2ndActTV]

Great examples Eddy, thanks for sharing. It is surprising how often that happens ...

[@eddy2561]

Silke, I'm no great catch but at 73 I'm still standing vertical.Oh ya, I also have an excellent retirement income...lol@@2ndActTV

[@Wildevis]

Great conversation (are there ever any bad ones here lol) YOu make so much sense Sandy and I am in Silke's blunder support group ;-) But I have learned so much here and feel close to being ready to try the dating waters again. I like the idea of having the conversation to explain why it is too fast and that you want to slow it down, as their response will be a clear indicator if they respect your choices or just want to steamroller over you. I have dated men who absolutely agreed to slow down and that sex is not even on the table and then 2 dates later say, well I think enough time has now transpired, so your place or mine!! I do not like being coralled into someone else's time-agenda, deciding for me when I am ready. And almost always the comment comes up " Are you frigid or what" when you refuse, as if they are trying to manipulate/shame me into being intimate before I am ready for it

[@2ndActTV]

I love that, “Silke’s blunder support group”! Thanks Erika, and as always, great insight!🤗

[@Lastfirstdate]

Yes! It's so important to be clear about what works for YOU when you're dating, so you don't get "corralled into someone else's time-agenda"

[@HarryWoods-uq5si]

You made a valid point

[@jackdeniston59]

Love bombing. Man was keen, woman failed, completely, to reciprocate. Homelessness for you.

[@shotpusher]

People may rush a bit because when over 50 time is definitely a factor. I see some of these behaviors in my boyfriend & me interacting with each other. He’s 69 & I’m 61.

[@Wildevis]

I think people over 50/60 have that urgency to make things happen faster as really we have less time left ;-)

[@2ndActTV]

I think there is a lot of truth to that! Thanks for your comment!

[@lillianthomas9861]

14:05--You're absolutely right!! Dating is about finding out who the real person is--"if I have to sit someone down ...." they ARE showing you who (or what) they really are. By telling them that, that doesn't work, you merely give them a way to try and change who they are ... this is not only unattractive and will show up again and again in a relationship because this person has no sense of self. Or, they are malevolent and THAT is even worse. You've given them more Intel about how to take advantage. Giving people space is for when you are younger .... the last thing you want to do is have teach a man how to love a woman AFTER the age of 50.

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks for joining the conversation and thought provoking comment!

[@humbletrader5479]

Too much, too soon, or not enough interest. It can be extremely hard to read a person, they can be hot and cold, indecisive, lots of emotion comes into play. Past damage you know nothing about, can make dating next to impossible over 60.

[@2ndActTV]

We definitely bring a greater "emotional history" to the table in our second act. And depending on the mindset of the individuals, it can make dating very frustrating. Thanks for watching!

[@33Jenesis]

I hate ppl who come on strong and pushy. When I feel pushed and backed into a corner, I rebel or door slam. A big red flag for me is actually complimenting. When a guy gives me nothing but compliments, I get suspicious. I know myself really well therefore telling me how wonderful I am would put me on alert. It is more subtle than love bombing but can be just as a big lure for ppl hungry for positive feedback.

[@2ndActTV]

I agree- too much praise or compliments too soon is very uncomfortable for me as well. A compliment has to mean something!

[@clays1507]

Silke! Great to see you

[@2ndActTV]

Great to see you Clay!

[@jeanpsyhos7639]

Thank you for sharing your own experiences!

[@2ndActTV]

I'm glad you think that's helpful. Thanks so much for watching!

[@joerockhead7246]

thank you, Silke, & Sandy. I enjoyed this episode.

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks for letting us know Joe, appreciate you!

[@Lastfirstdate]

You're so welcome, Joe!

[@iriri71]

Love you both ❤

[@woodliceworm4565]

Don't marry a love bomber - just slip out the back Jack, no need to be coy Roy.

[@2ndActTV]

... make a new plan Stan ... just set yourself free .... Hi Woody!

[@andrewbird57]

Do you feel that love-bombing is more prevalent among over 50 daters? Women I've met in the dating world the past several years all seem to have a story about a man who has come on too strong right from the beginning and make them feel suffocated.

[@Wildevis]

I think it happens accross all ages, my 30 year old daughter experiences it as well

[@Lastfirstdate]

Nope. It's a common behavior in dating in general.

[@2ndActTV]

It might be a little more prevalent because "time is more precious" but I think it's quite prevalent in all age groups. Thanks for your comment Andrew!

[@mypov4343]

I had a wonderful meaningful relationship with a woman but all communication stopped when I would not commit to marrying her. This after just a few months of dating. So it seems it wasn't quite as meaningful as I thought

[@2ndActTV]

Sounds like she brought that dreaded "mask" to the relationship - and probably not love bombing, but certainly pushy and coming on too strong!

[@mypov4343]

@@2ndActTV This is why discussing values and beliefs as soon as possible is so important....and it certainly can put a damper on love bombing as reality strikes.

[@josephpalen7149]

One I watched twice. Glasses make or break how a person looks. That's all I'm going to say about that.

[@spanishpeaches2930]

Depends if it's whiskey or wine in the glasses .

[@robertvarner9519]

I was only sought after as a tutor 📚📖🧬🔬🧫📉.

[@2ndActTV]

I bet you still are! 😉BTW, to your previous "avocado comment/question" - I actually have an answer. The trick is squeezing the top to bottom with your thumb and forefinger - that's how you tell how ripe they are!! I was told that at the grocery store, maybe the guy was trying to start a conversation .... 😂

[@ivanvarykino8202]

Great tangible tips. Thank you both! Another subtle but stifling one is the "Good morning" or "Good night" text. I recently received both after only a few days of texting and a single video chat with a nice gal. But I'm already afraid.....😬🫣

[@2ndActTV]

Oh that's too funny ... I can see how that feels a bit uncomfortable ...if she's a "nice gal" like you said, meet up and see how it goes in person ... if she doesn't propose on the first date, you might be good! 😄 (Kidding aside, go have a fun date and I think you'll know quickly if a second date is in the cards)

[@ivanvarykino8202]

@@2ndActTV 😄 Sounds like a good plan!

[@spanishpeaches2930]

Be afraid...be very afraid.