4 INTJ problems & how to get over them

[@morganainsleymusic]

“I thought that if you cared about looks you were inauthentic” yep definitely had this when I was younger

[@ryanquick1824]

as an intj myself, i have ABSOLUTELY ALWAYS been EXTRAORDINARILY aware of my own capabilities as well as where i excel AND where i lag behind. in my pursuit to become a better and more well-rounded person, i have damn near ALWAYS purposely placed myself in situations/circumstances where i would have to exercise what im weak at. THAT is also when and why i started partying more as well as dabbling a bit in DJ work ('strictly' sensor-type activities, i felt). while i was never great at DJing, i found that placing myself in that environment DID make me feel more fulfilled as an individual. so, YES. ... BOLDLY exploring your weaknesses ABSOLUTELY DOES help you to grow as an individual. ABSOLUTELY. FOR SURE.

[@emberflash1641]

I agree. I recently tried something for the first time I've never done before and I sucked at it. A classmate tried explaining how to do it better and I felt myself dismissing his input in my mind EVEN THOUGH I had barely tried the skill yet. I remember in that moment shutting my internal dialogue off and just being receptive enough to listen to the information and try to apply it. Not gonna lie, it was super fun being sort of terrible at something. It gives me a whole other skill to work on and improve and the internal dialogue really does quiet down and in a way you get out of your own head as you focus on the unfamiliar task at hand.

[@naruto_uzumaki2012]

You're the third INTJ who has pursued DJing as a means to engaging Se xD

[@IM-uh5tk]

“We're educated well beyond the realm of our action.” “Shame and pride are two side of the same coin. Usually when you're manifesting high in the other, you've got the other one as well.” As an INTJ (female), I'm getting to learn so much from your channel. Thank you, Alexis!

[@AlexisKingsley]

Thank you so much!!

[@riohenry6382]

As you get older as an INTJ, a lot of these issues resolve themselves. Getting old sucks but the wisdom you gather from just living is priceless. But I haven’t found a solution to low energy. I caught chronic fatigue so it's a good thing I can live in my head

[@smoothlyrough512]

Yes, i have low energy outside of work. At work, Ill kill myself no matter how tired i am because thats what i feel like your suppose to do. But at home, i cant get myself to do anything no matter what i try.

[@migsmethinks5801]

The academia as a shield thing really resonates. I used to be like that in middle school and the first half of high school. I called it the doctrine of "Acaademic Superiority" as though my brain were the Department of Defense. Then AP classes proved to be far more work for subjects I cared for, so I often dropped down to the "dumber" classes assured in my plan to make them irrelevant for college entry (I found a way to leverage differences between nations' academic systems). Around that time, I also discovered the show "House" and started acting more like him and other stereotypical INTJ-types: doing instead of telling, wearing blazers all the time, being so self-assured and indifferent to norms, embracing snark (but not so much meaness, save for some social experiments), and even popping Altoids as much as House pops Vicodin (also, nothing wakes you up like half a dozen Altoids at once). That second shield has largely collapsed since then and I've used others. Later, I learned that people like (and rarely suspect) curious, semi-hapless novices, so I took the first part of Sun Tzu's "observe first, then act" perhaps a little too far at times. To this day, at the age of 27, I'm still trying to find the right balance. What have I been hiding? Well, many things - chief of which being my clinical anxiety and mild depression regarding my constant fear of being overwhelmed by too much to do and not having enough freetime, as well as the fear that I might not fit in anywhere nor be able to carve out a sustainable niche of my own.

[@Bioniking]

For those who don’t know the enneagram, I think it can help a lot. I’m a 5w6, and something I have to remind myself when I’m going into a rabbit hole, is that “I know enough”.

[@jamespirko2971]

Young INTJ, you are developing your insights that should serve you well. I want to hear what you are saying in a few years. About your low energy, consult with an endocrinologist. I did, and was diagnosed with chronic anemia. B-12 shots and pills, along with polysaccharide iron pills brought me back from the threshold of Eternity, and back to productivity. Blessed be, fellow INTJ.

[@Lertigo]

Everything resonates…. Sometimes i say stuff that bugs people and i don’t even know it. I hate it… this usually happens when i become extroverted

[@AvalynGirl]

I’m connecting with everything you said. By the end of 2020 I was napping every single day, but I turned it around and got more energy by going to bed earlier and taking melatonin before bed. So far it’s a noticeable improvement, and I’ve been able to get a lot of cleaning/organizing done in rooms I haven’t reorganized in about ten years.

[@katherinerentschler694]

Humility, action, and a growth mindset are very important for an INTJ. Without it, you are just the human equivalent of a Ferrari with slashed tires. I struggled a lot with being too sarcastic, flat, blunt, and analytical in social situations, coming across like Dr. House in a way. Group therapy is really helping me with trying to be more warm and vulnerable with other people. I still struggle with this.

[@JoaoJGabriel]

Thank you, this video was REALLY helpful. ig we're the same exact type of INTJs (BS/CP on Objective Personality, 5 - w4? idk) and it's even funnily scary how you look like me. I have an hypothesis of what could help us with the energy problem. You, like me, have maladaptive schemas on the disconnection and rejection domain, specially social isolation and emotional deprivation. It seems that when I feel more "connected" socially, I'm more prone to use my energy extravertedly, and maybe that's the catch of being "abundant" or "scarce"... Our focus. We have a loooot of energy to put into our saviors, Ni and Te... But maybe what's missing for really puting in the work on Se are solid Fi motivations. And I don't mean "put on a happy face" and do what you have to do, but process those damn feelings you - comprehensively - learned to avoid. With the help of a therapist (you're surely clueless on that regard and the support is actually crucial to make it work). P.S.: I'm younger than you and didn't solve the problem myself, so my pretentiousness it's your karma hahaha

[@remorulloda1579]

Oh wow, as an INTJ myself I've also been through the same things as you I definitely need to stop isolating myself and open up haha

[@Mathmaticalfuninthesun]

I want to do everything, therefore I do nothing.

[@MrAlidor]

Excellent insight that I can very much relate to. Thank you Alexis Kingsley. Socially stiff, over-analysing, over-planning, over-thinking, teaching instead of dialoguing (guilty), chronic low energy, struggle to put the plan in motion or take a decision, low (2) but faithful friends, but realising too late that a lot people actually like me, forgeting people names/faces, pudic about materialistic thing (looks, money...), isolating myself, unconfortable in public... Jesus, the list goes on... Of the activities that have help me boost my low energy as well as "come out my bubble". 1) Travels, journeys, holidays, moving away to live somewhere else or changing work place/location. 2) Exhausting physical activities (gym, cycling, running). When the tank is half empty, no point resting and waiting for refill, just empty it fully! 3) Becoming more aware of who I trully are. I guess learning the hard way and getting older...

[@polyester-pants]

the pacing and the insights on this was just perfect. also the play-by-play of life experiences was spot on imo. i also learned i need to appreciate se.

[@AlexisKingsley]

Thank you!!

[@VRIceblast]

If I find a really good book, or tv show, I will go without sleep, or food to read, or watch it. I just get so absorbed by the material that I don't need anything else. It's just a constant feed to my brain, and I can't get enough of it. I've been known to reread long series of books over and over again. Example, I've read The Wheel of Time 15 times. The Anita Blake series I've 19 times, that's like 27 books. They never get old to me. My brain really likes those stories.

[@juancarloscavazos1359]

GREAT video. So many common experiences and it’s good to see there are others like me in the world.

[@Chris-fn4df]

Being raised in rural Alaska with a military dad and highly conservative mom essentially pushed me into developing my physical attributes and outdoor competencies, but I refused to develop socially. The result was almost catastrophic.

[@orsondudley]

As INTJ, so many empathy with this video. Good sharing, and thanks!

[@tkyx]

Skipping the intros of books - I have always done this as well, and never even thought it might be an INTJ thing until now haha. The reason is completely my impatience and my belief that there isn't any important information in the intro, so it's definitely a Te thing.

[@deborahdavis8632]

Very interesting!!! I love learning about you. I wish we had time for you to express yourself in person. I’m so happy for you that you are exploring and discovering your wonderful self. ❣️🤗💖

[@Thilosophocl3s]

Se is the best ever. Your energy management is directly related to the amount of energy you can produce and exchange with other humans. To exchange energy though, one must first find someone you respect and stop talking long enough to listen to them.

[@GearsDemon]

lol at the hairbrush part and your comments on that other youtuber. You're hilarious - INTJ

[@capitaine7043]

Another INTJ woman here. I *so* relate to your old all-day bookstore coping mechanism. Some things that worked for me as far as stuff like energy level are activities that move me towards Se. The more I engage in extroverted sensing the more balanced I feel overall, so movement and music are really key. One of my favorite things to do is attending music festivals, although I approach these in a very TJ way by planning way ahead, researching setlists and making completist playlists so I can maximize my time, etc. I like to take small groups of friends to do private karaoke. Regular yoga has made me a better/less anxious person. I got a puppy early in the pandemic and honestly having this dog has been the best thing in my life. My dog is very tuned into me and empathetic in his dog way and he is also really friendly and of course needs regular exercise so he makes it so I cannot isolate even if that's what my instinct is. He opened up my life in new and surprising ways. As far as imposter syndrome, I had a very valuable experience early-ish in my career where I observed a work friend be that stereotypical mediocre white guy with an abundance of confidence. This guy just literally made things up if he didn't know the answer to a question, but delivered his pronouncements with such conviction that other people would nod and be somehow soothed. I saw that in a work situation, others want and need you to be good at what you do and honestly INTJs usually ARE that actually competent and knowledgeable person. While I felt that pretending competence with confidence as my friend did was morally wrong, I realized that owning my own competence with even a fraction of the confidence I saw in him was actually the right thing do do, as long as I actually knew what I was doing/talking about. It did wonders for my career.

[@godKiller.369]

Yeah I can relate to all those points. Except energy, I`ve always had plenty of that and both short term/peak and long term sustained output. Maybe because I had a Se focused childhood or perhaps v-shaped mesomorphic body type facilitates it. Data points at least indicate a certain linearity between my physical condition and stress therein and my mental (part of the body after all) clarity. Drama and being exposed to malice is still very very draining to me, as I guess it is to many INTJs. Some fun comments I`ve got over the years: "You`d better stop that or you`ll start suffering from over-intelligence!" "You are hard to pull out of your cocoon, but then you play and work more than twice as hard as anyone else around" "What the hell are you up to these days, achieving escape velocity from reality? We are WORRIED!" "How is it you transform from a measured and mindful person at the base to this crazed field maniac when on maneuver?"

[@annie.bo.briggs]

Thank you. This helps me a lot. I actually tested ENTJ prior to a trauma. Im now an INTJ for 20yrs or so. I also deconstructed the test and found that the E/I part was very close to the middle.

[@DaveTaste]

The thing I like about the comment sections in INTJ videos is that there are no spelling mistakes or clichéd comments. There isn't "INTJ are so underrated" or "I can't even" or "nobody... Literally nobody" or "let's be honest, this didn't pop up in your recommended".

[@bethmottweiler5836]

Random thoughts on the energy factor from an ambiverted ENTJ. Just get out and do stuff more (mastery tasks). Exercise pretty much always works for me, but anything with an end goal that interests me is very energizing. By contrast, do the opposite (meditation, mindfulness) regularly. I've had to make a conscious effort to tend to my physical health- sleep more, eat regularly, etc., which is worth looking at too. I was anemic after I stopped eating meat, which dragged me way down for longer than it needed to.. If you are the machine, start twisting every cog and changing things out until it feels right 😉

[@greenleafnumber70]

I’m not an intj but this was helpful. Thanks for sharing!

[@kyanu8367]

I do experiencing inferiority but I do my best in improving and I’m starting to appreciate myself that I’m not like the rest of the humans.

[@realSimoneCherie]

I cannot believe how similar all intj’s look 👀

[@sheenarudy3890]

Balance. Emotional, physical, mental, social, etc health. Energy is what you bring into your life, I suppose. It's not just from sleep.

[@mamu7976]

Not spoken to anyone for 36 hours, eating pizza hut and watching this video. So maybe this is the Se grip. LOL. Te has always been one of my strengths though. I find it easy to develop, if you have a clear Ni vision. As Ni creates the plans for Te to develop, in the external world. My weakness has been developing Fi and a healthy Se. Although I liked your tips here. Thanks!

[@AlexisKingsley]

Lol 😂

[@hayatalturki9995]

Hey there! you've got a new ENFP subscriber here! 😊 I get this feeling that you're a 9w1 (working as a teacher, easy going and striving to change - Integrating into Growth mode - enneagram 3) first followed by 5w6 maybe and your overall Tritype would be 953..As for the low energy part, I believe that we as intuitives show energy the most when we are excited about something..So you need to put yourself in situations where you look forward to experience ( as you mentioned, DJing) and meet people who do not drain you so you can focus on showcasing your best self and then more energy would flow in..Diet and sleep are also important but you know how we are all guilty of not taking care of that haha

[@aiyo93spartour]

"... and to spend all of your money on McDonalds because you're having a SE grip situation" aight, enough. 😠 (😔)

[@mirnarodriguez4599]

Force yourself to exercise 15 min and then you will get energy boost. Also when I am facing a challenge aligned with my goals I just have extra energy passion driven. -INTJ woman

[@AlexisKingsley]

Totally agree! It's like working with Ni goals helps Se function better!

[@anselmihemba6274]

Great stuff! Some years back, getting drunk was the easiest to become a well-rounded INTJ - I wondered why... what was missing... I just could not access my Se.

[@howardjames9543]

I like you, Alexis; I did all of that somehow, and some do work but not all of them. The part where unhealthy INTJ would do is so genuine. I used to think everyone is stupid at my young age, but I slowly learn that concept. When you work with all kinds of personality types and mature, you can use all of the skills to your advantage. So yeah, I agree with all of that. One question tho, Was it difficult for you to speak in public or at a meeting. I struggle with that? I dont want to make mistakes, but once I talk, I am good. But I still struggle. Piece of advice, please. Thanks,

[@calesylvester2387]

Definitely relate to no.1 when I'm on KZbin too long it's a sign of too much knowledge so I have a limit now to force me to do something else

[@VRIceblast]

Yeah, I'm low energy as well. Though I find plenty of energy to do the things I want to do, but for things I don't care for, I have no energy for it. I'd rather just go to sleep instead.

[@amandawalton8044]

If you can give up caffeine you will have more consistent and stable energy levels. I stop drinking caffeine when I need to work on a big project or in other situations where I need to get a lot done in a short period of time.

[@ACRINFJ]

In reference to the first problem you mentioned: You want me to not only not have a social life but on top of that you also want me to be stupid as well🧐

[@ruheenatanveershaik]

Thanks.

[@goodfornothings]

I like you, you're story, just like the story of my life in college 😁 and I am an INTJ too, ok subbed

[@colywogable]

My big fear is that I'll never have a job where my best skills are really put to use, and valued. As an INTJ, I find that my skills are often not at all apparent to others in my workplace. I turn into the lonely awkward outsider whose skills are wasting away, which causes me to feel angry and insecure!

[@AlexisKingsley]

I know the feeling! You can get there. Just takes some good coworkers and good communication on your part.

[@colywogable]

@@AlexisKingsley Yes! I used to waste away in the background, but if I tried to demonstrate or explain my skills, it came off as bragging, which made things worse. Now I realize that this happened when I was feeling insecure about whether or not they would truly believe me or truly see my skills. It was as if I thought that I had to wait for them to sense, perceive, or feel my true skills in order for ME to feel secure in my skills. Does that make sense? But now I have found that it is more likely to work for me when I say POINT BLANK what my skills are and then to just TRUST that they heard me and believe me. (And for me to ALSO trust and believe that I have those skills, and that I'm not a fraud).

[@colywogable]

When I'm scared that they won't believe me, that's when I become desperate and then it seems like I'm overly eager to show off. When in reality I'm desperate to be perceived for who I really am. I need to trust that I can tell them my skills, and that I will be believed and assigned accordingly.

[@AlexisKingsley]

@@colywogable I totally get what you mean!!

[@stu6097]

Many INTJs solve that by working on their own projects rather than working for others. I think INTJs are at their best when they are independent. I have never felt fully utilized unless I was doing my own projects..

[@MrMisanthrope_]

My ADHD confuses the hell out me. I believe i am INTJ. But I am hyperactive. I am almost the exact opposite, that not believe that I'm introvert and prefer lone-time above anything else. Im actually what I think what am I?

[@tylerfraker7716]

INTJ doesn’t make me feel special, makes me angry I’ve been so well figured out lol.

[@robbiea1482]

The Shame/Pride scale was an interesting point as a response to our lack of social success/fitting in. The focus for me is being healthy in whatever form that takes, and I need to spend less time alone. How did you "get around really good people" to remedy this??

[@AlexisKingsley]

I started hanging out with people who are much older than me and who have high expectations for themselves. It's hard to find young people who are mature and secure in themselves.

[@robbiea1482]

Ain't that the truth. Seems like a good plan, I'll take that advice. Thank you Alexis

[@speedy_comet]

These apply to enneagram 1s too apparently cause I have/had them all too.

[@piyush4left]

"People are real...then they like me as ugly" Fe point of least resistance .... or Fe Blind

[@all_things_grace]

Wooo hoo! Shout out to the “sister” lol just happy you didn’t say brother lol🤣🤣🤣

[@markrobbins2441]

Low energy: Discipline. Focus. Life is war and you are already out of time. Learn to enslave yourself with good habits. Force yourself, fuck off with your "mood" and "energy". Know the reward will come, but right now you suck and there is no easy way out of this. Think of what you really could be, then think of what you are now. Form a big wad if self-hate and bite down on it hard. "Energy", aww poor baby, if it was easy everyone would do it. You're not everyone, are you.

[@darkadore]

Water

[@fraxizztv6433]

Low energy? What about nutriënt deficiencies, hormones, lack of physical excercise? (:

[@Intuitioncalling]

Male INTJ teacher with an ISFP wife. We have this in common i guess

[@AlbertBalbastreMorte]

I cringe at projecting knowledge onto people. Yup, been there very recently, but I recently learned to not do that.

[@PathosConsultingGroup]

Literally skipped the intro for this video. You know what's funny about the overeducating ourselves piece is that I notice how often im entering conversations with "fun facts" or general knowledge almost like the only way I know how to relate to someone is by teaching them things.

[@s.u.5285]

You are 5? do you have a wing? Like I am INTJ Eneagram 5w6. I can relate a lot to your gathering info behavior which is a 5 thing. If you can do the DJ thing and make videos I might guess you are a 5w4

[@AlexisKingsley]

Yes! I am a 5w4.

[@s.u.5285]

@@AlexisKingsley boy, the 5w6s dont do shit on youtube. All the INTJs on youtube are 5w4s! probably too much 6(fear)

[@AlexisKingsley]

Lol thats hilarious

[@esraaabd-allah1626]

Relatable!

[@giselle6460]

can you do a video on your advice for an intj going into college?

[@migsmethinks5801]

"Get around some really good people." Do you have any tips on how to do that and where to find them?

[@AlexisKingsley]

Yes! Great question! In general I make friends best in organizations/on teams/at work. And I tend to go for people 20 years older than me.

[@TEAMHYBRID007]

CF Joseph seems like he has traits of a dark empath which I do not like or agree with

[@MsNakiarooks]

What are all these initials!?! Intj.. ep. I swear I was loss.

[@professorh8398]

Look into adrenal fatigue

[@professorh8398]

Also, great video. I was intj my whole life, but around the time the pandemic struck, I became infj. I checked again recently and am still an injf. However, I lean heavily towards intj. So your content still resonates with me / applies. Thanks.

[@themohit768]

Basically infj life gets tough if its a male and intj's life gets tough if its a female. Infj's personality is best suited if you're a female infj, and intj is personality works best if you're a male intj.

[@promitadas515]

Lmao i just bought a bookshelf for my pile of books

[@AlexisKingsley]

ugghh I have a pile of books right now you just reminded me of 😂

[@FlightRisk11]

Sorry just not connecting. INTJ with multipletests.

[@WeirdStichka]

How would one go about working on their Te and Se?

[@AlexisKingsley]

Te - Set goals, achieve them, work harder, initiate things with people more, use metrics and numbers any time you can even when talking about emotions, delegation, read books like Getting Things Done, less talk more action Se - Work on getting your body in good shape, physical activity, healthy diet, get some hobbies that are physical, quick decisions, less thinking more doing, look attractive, make your tone of voice attractive, in my mind Ni is the steak and Se is the sizzle. So work on being a better on first impressions (through 5 senses) and then people stay for the steak.

[@WeirdStichka]

@@AlexisKingsley Thanks :)

[@gunsbulletsheroin]

there r too many ads on your channel

[@Glizle]

Hears that as an INTJ you like to spew knowledge you think you're an expert of Me: I'M SORRY, I JUST LOVE TO HEAR MY OWN VOICE BECAUSE I SOUND SMART AND IT MAKES ME FEEL SPECIAL *cries in INTJ* Lmao

[@Rivaiye]

I don't think point 2 and 3 are true to the most INTJs bit 1 and 4 are pretty accurate lol

[@KXSocialChannel]

You're married to an ISFP? Do you like his art? Is he all caring and feeling-ish with you? *Sniggles*