Autism & Friendship Part 2 | Being weird, Boundaries, & more | Featuring Claire from Woodshed Theory

Welcome to Part 2 of Autism and Friendship 101, featuring Claire Leick from @WoodshedTheory . Today we're diving into the poll responses from the Mom on the Spectrum community about friendship, boundaries, oversharing and more. Stick around for the end of the video where Taylor shares two free apps that can make communication easier for autistic adults.
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⏰ Timestamps ⏳
(0:47) Poll Responses and Questions from the Community
(2:13) Meltdowns
(3:33) Rescheduling
(4:49) What is the most important element of friendship?
(5:42) The “Autistic Exit”
(7:51) Boundaries and Oversharing
(9:12) Claire’s Parting Wisdom
(10:24) Helpful Apps
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16 Overlooked Autistic Traits in Females (video): • 16 Overlooked Autistic...
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The Adult Autism Diagnostic Process (Video Series): • The Diagnostic Process
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I'm Tay, a married mom of 2 who was diagnosed with Autism at 31 years old. This was after YEARS of therapy (and all of the self tests in the world!). My diagnosis has brought up questions, frustration, doubt, but most importantly, a new level of self compassion and understanding.
I'm here to share knowledge, resources, and products that empower other neurodivergents (and their loved ones) to live freely and creatively. I'm not a doctor so please speak with your healthcare providers before implementing any recommendations I make on my channel.
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#autism #autistic #aspergers

[@51elephantchang]

Our natural honesty can cause us lots of problems in a basically dishonest world.

[@whitneymason406]

👏

[@Nepthu]

Sometimes opinions masquerades and honesty.

[@51elephantchang]

@@Nepthu Doesn't matter as long as they are honest..

[@whitneymason406]

I find that a lot of my friendships seem to become a little one-sided over time. I begin to feel like I'm always initiating connection, especially since moving. Since I'm not seeing them frequently I feel forgotten and it's hard to not take it personally. I'm so grateful for this community it has helped me feel less alone.

[@JD96893]

I feel like I'm in the same situation. The one close friend I have I message almost everyday asking how they are doing and what's going. If I don't initiate the conversation I very rarely find that they will message me. I get very personal with my friends I guess I feel the need to make a meaningful connection and be a part of their lives. Looking back I think some have found it odd and it has probably pushed some people away. I often have to think about who to talk to and what to say or what's normal because I don't want to drive people away. I guess it doesn't hurt too much if it becomes a little one sided because I guess that is their way of saying they aren't that interested.

[@WithLoveLsJournals]

I can relate 100 percent!

[@stephaniebarrows5428]

I’ve experienced that so many times! I wonder whether I might be on the AS, along with ADHD, and I’ve often found myself wondering why others who are so kind on the surface don’t return my loving generosity. I just don’t get it. :/ And, I have been gaining insights from books by women on the AS, like The Electricity of Every Living Thing (by a woman who pursues a diagnosis after she hears a radio program about ASD) and novels by Helen Hoang (author on the spectrum with a kid on the spectrum). Has anyone else read these books and felt a connection? What do you think (and feel) about ASD representation in memoirs and novels?

[@ruthchalker1576]

Me tooooooo!!!!!!!

[@whitneymason406]

Grateful to know I'm not alone in this! ❤️

[@amandasummers8457]

I often tell people, nervously, "I'm rambling and sharing a lot. Did I make sense and/or overshare?" It really helps me while interacting. If the other person gets awkward, I know I overshared. It's fantastic when the other person is honest and tells you whether or not I overshared or was unclear.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Love this! Thanks for sharing.

[@ninreck5121]

for staying in contact what really helps me is "pebbling". The word comes from penguins giving their friends pretty pebbles and for me it's like posts on instagram, tiktoks, a picture I took just randomly outside because it reminded me of them like I just send friends random pictures of birds I saw outside yk and if they feel like it, they can start a conversation off of that and if you then feel like it you can chat back but neither of you has to

[@doughnutask4763]

I do this with one of my friends. Some days all we do is send eachother pictures or memes etc.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I love this!! Thanks for sharing.

[@Pouquiloury]

I do this as well !!!! Nice to have a word for it ! One neurotypical friend was annoyed about it. She said that she wanted real conversations with me, not random links or memes. But I select what I send especially for her. And random conversations are not so safe. Since she has become very woke and that is increasingly difficult for me.

[@jackie6836]

I absolutely do this!

[@barbwatchesyt4084]

That's something I've noticed as well... knowing what subjects are taboo to talk about... For me, autistic, I don't mind talking about anything. There's nothing off limits really...

[@jamiesmith6296]

This is me too , well almost nothing

[@namasteyogameditationstudi2632]

Me as well I have no filter and it’s so annoying this rule that you have to act a certain way around people. Not only due ASD ppl mask so do neurotypical, they act a certain way around others too. If you are at work you have to be “professional”. Funny when I worked I tried so hard to be “professional” and I was no good at it lol.

[@namasteyogameditationstudi2632]

My kids and I came up with a secret code “I’m tired mom” when I am talking too much. I tell them it’s ok to tell me that because I don’t recognize if I am talking to much. I just get to excited about talking about it I forgot what the other person wants. I don’t read body language so I wouldn’t know.

[@CF-wn2ce]

Exactly. Their face usually tells mo SHAME ON YOU for talking about that. But not words of course. So I look for the face, amd if I see it I reflect back to what did I say or do just now and file it away in my system since childhood, the part that keeps hypervigilant records to create rules I follow for myself. Well I've always done that until I found out I'm autistic and I just stopped looking for the reactions. I lost the ability to mask with severe burnout, didn't even know I was masking...until I couldnt and everyone around me started treating me differently. Talk about a mind fuck. It was so 😕 Now I know I'm autistic it isn't confusing and I'm ok with being who I am. I do wish I could learn the dance a little better to maintain friends for the sake of my young child making friends. You have to friend their mom nowadays for your kid to be "accepted" so I actually DO need to mask for my child to have the experience he wants.

[@AlexandraUtschig]

I fall into the oversharing trap all the time. Let me tell you all my childhood trauma the first time we hang out, "Oh, you don't want to hang out again!?" 😅

[@atropos_thefate]

“Go find less” is from Elyse Meyers. She has ADHD and has shirts with this now!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Now I know who Elyse is since filming this and I love her! She's wonderful.

[@LoveCrumb]

Thank you for making this two part series. I've struggled my whole life to keep friends and it's usually because my friends don't understand how much effort I put in. Things that seem to take no energy for neurotypical people takes so much more energy for me, not to mention I manage disabling chronic pain. I explain my situation at the beginning of my friendships, but no matter how hard I try, how many spoons I give, I'm never able to give enough of myself to my neurotypical friends (from their point of view). I'm so tired. In the end, it just never feels worth it to have tried so hard in the first place. It's sad and I wish I didn't feel this way. I hope more people with autistic friends start listening to these great resources as well.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks so much for your comment! Glad you're here.

[@ZoeMagnes]

I can relate!

[@cynthiag3065]

Same for me

[@monicafree9315]

I had a note on how to leave a room, a phrase I recently discovered -- it doesn’t work for every social context, but it’s still pretty versatile. It’s a German expression that translates to "I'm feeling visited enough." It’s meant to be used when you want visitors to leave, but I think with added phrases like “thank you so much for the time, your effort, I really enjoyed coming, etc etc" it could be applied more broadly as well.

[@monicafree9315]

Also, I do struggle with knowing which topics are taboo in which contexts. I think I’m pretty good with what’s not okay in large group, public, or more formal settings, but as it goes down the line to more and more personal, my radar is WAY off. But at that point I either lose friends or they laugh about it and it just becomes part of our friendship environment, so at this point I’m kind of okay with it.. I do like that it helps weed out friends that won’t accept me for who I am.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for sharing!

[@Askalott]

This is literally the most "social interaction" I'm getting right now so thank you. Been trying to find a good in-person support group but everything is online only these days and it's getting lonely!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hi! Thanks so much for your comment. Glad you’re here.

[@doughnutask4763]

Hi. Just thought I'd say...I like your name. Opposite of mine! Haha

[@Secret_Soul_Survivor]

@@doughnutask4763 😅Good one!

[@mishaireland2944]

As an artistic person, I find it difficult being friends with other autistic people as they can be so flaky with cancelling plans last minute. I have psyched myself up to attend an outing and then the other person cancells. Puts me off making future plans with them again

[@elainecheetham2312]

Me too

[@mariebo7491]

And here I was thinking maybe I need autistic friends cuz I just can’t seem to make it work with NT’s 😆

[@bobgamble8204]

For sure, when people can't keep plans or keep changing things, or are late or change the terms - can't stand it. It kinda makes it not worth it for me, if the terms change beyond what I expect, then none of its worth it anymore and I'm done

[@PeteS_1994]

@@0annonymous What do you mean by toxic and normal?

[@niamhs6042]

On the exhausting and uplifting I've found that I feel things so much when I'm with friends or I'm doing something exciting like at the theatre or something that I need time afterwards where I don't really talk to anybody or do anything and I just work really hard on remembering what just happened. I feel like sometimes this comes across as me not having had a good time but it's just my way of kind of savouring the good feeling I don't know if that makes sense

[@asdoldman9823]

The social dance of leaving. He he. My friends nicknamed me Houdini back in my late teens early twenties. I was a ninja! I could disappear right in front of them. Oftentimes I would smile and nod as I exited stage left!

[@sueannevangalen5186]

What a great question from Martin. I had never even thought of that before. YES, I don't know how to leave a social gathering. There's usually this momentary lingering in which I'm thinking, "Can I just leave?" Depending on how large the gathering is and how well I know the host, I will catch myself struggling to know things like, "Should I tell anyone I'm leaving? What should I say? What's the point of going around to everyone and saying 'nice to see you, bye'? I'd rather just duck quietly out." The larger the gathering, the more likely I'll be to go without saying anything and hope no one gets offended. Great question, great answer. Also, I'm really looking forward to trying the apps! I think those will work great for some of my friendships.

[@elizabethivy1337]

Omg, I literally dread having to go around an entire room to say good-bye to everyone. I much prefer just announcing "bye, nice to see everyone," giving a little wave and then high tailing it out of there.

[@sueannevangalen5186]

@@elizabethivy1337 Yeah, I'm with you!

[@passaggioalivello]

I loved this collaboration so much. You're both so precious to me. Thank you for spreading awareness.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

💞

[@liimu974]

Thank you for making this! It’s extremely helpful for me as a neurotypical with an autistic friend. It has always been confusing for me why my friend always needs to worry for me. It has been exhausting for both of us. I have to be very cautious about what I share with her. Now I get that it may hard for her to detach.

[@annagramtchev21]

I can totally relate. I have an autistic friend who is the same as you described. She would excessively worry for things that I would share (sometimes without me being even worried myself). Being extremely sensitive and empathetic I would feel sooo drained afterwards

[@elizabethivy1337]

@@annagramtchev21 I wonder if it would be helpful to say directly that you want to share with her to feel heard, but not because you're looking for solutions or to have someone feel responsible/worry for whatever you're struggling with. I know that in the past, when people have shared things with me, I wasn't sure what the appropriate response was supposed to be. I thought that if I just listened but didn't express concern or give feedback, then it might seem like I didn't care or hadn't heard them --even though that's not the case. I hate platitudes like "everything will be okay," or "I'm sure it will work out," because they feel inauthentic to me.

[@elizabethdufour450]

Omg this is the first time that I'm hearing someone talking about the awkward leavings. That's exactly how I felt last week when I left after a party, at 8:30PM because I felt exausted even though I was enjoying my time with my friends.

[@jackie6836]

I'm only recently discovered I am auDHD (45yrs) and funnily enough, everyone I consider a friend is either autistic, ADHD or both. I subconsciously found my people and generally only seem to let those people in. We are all very understanding of cancellation etc. I have always only felt comfortable with people I feel are honest.

[@jackd.rifter3299]

I definitely do the "autistic leave" thing hahaha. I now try to say that I need some relax/me time so I don't come off as rude. Sometimes I forget or can't get the words out or when I try for some reason nobody can hear me.

[@martinhughes007]

Thank you for answering my question about leaving (how to leave) 😊

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for the suggestion! I hope we did it justice.

[@martinhughes007]

@@MomontheSpectrum Yes, you did 😊 We further discussed it at home… apparently you have to say that you’re leaving several times and do it over a period of several minutes with various hints… 😅 hints… 🥺

[@marshmallowopossum2803]

I've been known to just walk out of my dance class when I'm just completely done with being social. I don't know if anyone has noticed or cared because no one has ever mentioned it. Although, I have had one dance mate tell me I'm socially awkward because I never make eye contact. Other times, I just say a general "bye" to the room and walk out. I found this channel when I was researching autism so I can be a better friend to my bestie, but I sure am learning a lot about myself here. Thanks for helping me learn how to "people" better.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re welcome! Thanks so much for your comment.

[@Mikeyboi699]

With respect to the 'Autistic Exit', if I find myself getting nervous about offending people or what they might think of me, I usually form a logical argument in my head as to why I can't go e.g. I'm not having fun due to sensory overload. I'm not really a fan of weddings cos they can be quite overwhelming but I don't feel a need to stay and stress throughout (one of my friends is getting married this summer acknowledged this and said I can be there for a short time but he'd still like to see me). These arguments pretty much always make sense so when I do leave I don't feel guilty or rude, if other people feel that that's their problem but I'd be happy to explain why it was sensible for me to leave and actually maybe they could accommodate for my needs like when it's too loud. I know to some extent how it feels to ruminate about people's thoughts on whether you're being rude, and especially in my case, thinking about whether people even want to spend time with me as they might think I'm intimidating and antisocial due to the way I act (mainly in big groups), but going through these logical steps certainly helps me and like what was said in the video (not an exact quote), a few friends who appreciate you and are willing to support you in good and bad is fine, in fact it's great. Those are the people you can hold dear and depend on. Hope that makes sense, if not let me know.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Makes total sense! Love your comment. Thanks for sharing this.

[@staceyruwoldt9158]

So relatable about the Autistic experience ☺ Like for myself at work just last week, I had the opposite of an meltdown I had an internalised reaction where I retreat inward an Shutdown 😘♡♡ ..... I work at an disability enterprise that caters to people of all braintypes, abilities and seperately medical conditions : ) I'm what is called an support- worker, but.. Unfortunately not everybody who cares for us in disability employment are there for the right reasons

[@staceyruwoldt9158]

@@JenSell1626 thank you I really appreciate it 😘💕 It's always nice to have someone who finds what you experience relatable 🙂❤💙💜 xo

[@shaerice6421]

I've struggled with knowing the appropriate way to leave so much that I avoid going, and then when i do eventually go I struggle to know what the appropriate 'time to be there' is because I haven't seen them in so long and don't want to hurt their feelings. I've often resorted to just disappearing 😅

[@Scooby_Snax]

This is something I do too.

[@Kitofthearts]

I find that a good bow upon leaving a room, helps get the message through politely & effectively, when departing

[@brandywells6503]

Love both of these videos so so much. 💛Y'all are wonderful. Also Elyse Myers has shirts that say Go Find Less. Another shirt we all need! 😂

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Oh yay! Thanks for sharing this. Sounds like another awesome person to support and one thing crossed off my to-do list!

[@s.b200]

All well and good - I honestly love these two videos so much!:) - though there are those of us who usually do not feel uplifted after seeing people, and then maintaining relationships should not be a goal. For me, one of the tough things is that very few people can make me feel good when hanging out. And there's few people that I can make feel good too, so it goes both ways - even though Im a genuinely kind person and passing as 'normal' because of masking, but people can still sense that Im insecure and not genuinely happy to be there (sigh... I think it's because my brain can't multi-task, socialising + enjoying it when masking). I also notice that they notice. So, the only time I can enjoy it is if it's with another quirky person with similar humour, and the mask can come off fully. So, for me (and many others) it's better to - not - maintain relationships beyond a superficial level :) Less is SO much more. And as we all would agree I think, thats okay too

[@MomontheSpectrum]

definitely agree that's ok too! thanks for sharing your experience here. :)

[@HappyHoney41]

I have one friend I see for about 3 hours every 3 months. That really works perfectly for me. It's just enough, without being overwhelming. Hearing about the autistic leave is funny. I've done that at work social situations, and thought about it later - that it might be seen as odd.

[@Bee-gl2dy]

Gosh this hits. Just had a moment of connecting with a friend and ended up basically love bombing her with memes. She told me she was taking a social media break and the next day I saw she was still on and active. Idk just made me feel like I was too much. It's good to know I'm not the only one. ❤️

[@socialbianca]

My little one LOVES marco polo! She likes the idea of video chats, but it truly stresses her out. With Marco Polo she can participate in video messages on her own time ❤️

[@lynnbilbrey8823]

What I have learned just recently is the best way to leave an event is to bring up future plans of y’all coming together. As soon as I picked up on that I noticed every single person around me without fail does it every single time. I never knew how to say bye either without being rude but this has helped me so much. Like just get up and put your plate in the sink and be like “are we still getting together next week for game night” or “I’m excited for next week” as you’re like getting up and cleaning off your dinner plate. That’s so specific but like if you bring it up at the dinner table randomly it’ll be obvious

[@vivianstewart7523]

THANK YOU. This is brilliant!

[@Christine83507]

That’s pure gold. Thank you!

[@amandamandamands]

I was only diagnosed last year (at age 48) seeing this 2 parter I felt so seen. I say that I don't spend much time around people because they annoy me easily (and that the things that they talk about it is just draining). I use a service for people with mental illness (previous diagnosis, they are fine with me still going) and I am more aware these days of going in at times where it is more likely that there will be less people or if it is a day were there are a couple of people that don't seem to have volume control then I stay for a shorter period. I also know that after I have been that I will need down time.

[@rachelm9350]

someone needs a little neurodivergent friend finder. I just want someone who is direct damnit ~ !

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Directness is such a gift to me. Honesty, straight to the point…can’t get enough of it.

[@mariebo7491]

Yes please!

[@OldTimer1970]

Something else about making new friends is wanting them to know and understand your intentions and then realising they still won't know if you're telling the truth. Something you mentioned, maybe in part one, and this is especially difficult with the opposite sex, I get really worried that I come across as too nice and it will be misinterpreted, so I'm always mentioning my wife as if that will make them feel safe. Please tell me I'm not crazy. It sometimes feels like I have to try and be them while also trying to be me, so conversations are often difficult when not written.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You're definitely not crazy or alone in this! I feel like with the opposite sex a lot of times my friendliness is misinterpreted as flirting.

[@NikkiRaven]

Omg I love Marco Polo! 😍

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Me too I use it all the time!

[@Authentically.Autistic]

I haven’t listened to this yet but I already laughed out loud while reading the title because I relate to every word and look forward to learning about myself

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I hope the video is helpful to you! Thanks for your comment.

[@lynnhouston805]

I use WhatsApp a lot. I also have chronic health problems. So I have a friend that we will send audio messages, some times texting can be hard and it's nice to hear a voice.

[@Christine83507]

Claire, I really related to you about finance talk making people uncomfortable. Finances is one of my special interests, but whenever I try to share the subject with others, I can see that they feel judged and get defensive, even though I’m just talking about my own info and not trying to relate it to their situation. It’s so frustrating to have special interests and not be able to share them.

[@smicketysmoo]

Thank you for a great and very informative 2 part collab. You covered a lot of good topics that I certainly resonate with. Will check out the greater community on discord.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Awesome! 💞

[@julie8234]

You two are a great team! I've been loving Claire's channel for a while, very calming and kind

[@MomontheSpectrum]

She definitely is!

[@WoodshedTheory]

Aww shucks

[@sillybar512]

I just want to say thank you for these points your talking about! Cause my spouse has no clue, and won’t do the work. So I’m all alone in this ship. But not any more, I picked him up from work, and he said he’s giving me a divorce. So I can go be happy! 🤔 Problem solved, I guess he thinks.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Sorry you are going through a hard time friend

[@sillybar512]

It happens right

[@jeannebh65]

You young ladies are so inspiring! I am a former teacher who wishes I had had this knowledge years ago. Thank you for the candid conversation and resource mentions. I have a cousin with Autism (teacher, too!) and this is helping me understand a lot! Blessings in your new year!

[@andreaharmon8931]

I love MarcoPolo. I've grown closer to friends and family through MarcoPolo. It gives you the space to just talk. And if you decide you don't want to send the video (and nobody is watching live), you can delete it.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yeah sometimes it’s actually helpful just to process information while recording thinking that someone will listen. And then afterward sometimes I think oh I already feel better!

[@mejusthot]

Sometimes when I leave a person i send a message thanking them for the time with them or visit or whatever

[@jmaessen3531]

Thank you for making this!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re welcome

[@callme_xe]

Thanks for this❤️

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re so welcome! Thanks for your comment.

[@karatalley1987]

Taylor I totally love ur blue & purple earphones.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

thank you! I got them for my daughter then... they ended up being mine... :)

[@louiseyoung9267]

Again, so helpful ❤. Thank you

[@100meerkats]

AWESOME FOREVER!!

[@sophierw]

you guys are so cute! ❤

[@KareBearMeow]

Lots to relate to. Thanks for sharing

[@blossomblutenknospen3880]

Tack så mycket de samtal var jätte intressant till lysnna på och hjälpsam för mig att höra detta🙏

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re very welcome! Thanks for your comment.

[@bridgetj3008]

These are great videos, I wish I had a couple of adult female friends like you both!

[@amandagee5867]

Just recently diagnosed-you guys nailed how relationships go for me and why they are so hard. Great content to enable me to share more with others!!

[@katarinasydney7231]

So helpful. Autistic and fabulous.

[@louiseyoung9267]

This was super helpful and I didn't know some of that stuff either so thanks for educating me ❤

[@RuralSquirrelJuror]

15:00 My infinity symbol of choice is the Ouroboros but that’s because of my love of both Fullmetal Alchemist (both series) and Xenoblade but both are used much less corny ways that puzzle pieces, etc.

[@Yannispawn]

FYI, FB messenger has a voice record too. Looks like a little microphone. The things you’re talking about are so me! I’m still learning. What most people (including me) think of as Autistic is only a small percentage. When I relate that I think I may be AuDHD to my hubby, sister and BFF, they don’t get it at all, which I can’t blame them. Unless you have someone in your life that is Autistic, you’re not going to be aware. The more I learn though, the more convinced I am that 50 % of people are on the spectrum.

[@rwithers3]

I hope y'all can do more videos together... y'all are fun to watch... I can relate...

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for your comment! Glad you enjoyed it

[@kellyflanagan8391]

Hi Ladies! This is an amazing chanel and topic. I can really relate to these issues you are talking about, especially interpersonal communication and friendships, social behaviour etc. Although I've never been diagnosed with Autism, I can relate as a highly sensitive person and introvert. I definately can relate more to a neurodiverse person than a neurotypical one. It sounds like I've had similar struggles all my life. Now being 46, I've learned to embrace and work with my neurodiverse ways, although it wasn't easy. It's so good to see young women like you educating and supporting 🙌

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks so much for your comment!

[@datrainguy666]

Thanks for this video Taylor & Claire. I sent this set of videos to my friend to help with our friendship as I relate to alot of what is said but can't express it.

[@Lifetimelearningisbrave]

I'm listening to learn more about my daughter but many of the characteristics you are talking about also stems from childhood abandonment and trauma. I have ADHD but the social issues stem from anxiety.

[@marksmadhousemetaphysicalm2938]

For me...I have 2 TBIs and am on the spectrum too...which...well neurofatigue is a thing...when I am done...I have a script for leaving...it's like...yeah...I'm sorry...I'm really tired...you know how I get..." and gone...I have a close friend who I am 1000% is on the spectrum and also has a brain injury...we both do exactly the same kind of stuff as far as the leave, and lots and lots more...it's amazing I didn't realize she might be also on the spectrum till recently...I don't know if I should suggest it to her...maybe she already knows...

[@GothicBookLover]

Maybe it's because I was diagnosed with autism when I was 3.. but I've learned that in order to have good friendships and relationships... we have to meet NT's halfway. Life is compromise and I notice that neither NT's nor ND's are willing to compromise with one another.

[@etcwhatever]

Your point is correct and rational...sadly ive spent all my life compromising. I suffered through abuse of different types and hate from people. I had no idea vout autism whatsoever. Im 34 and both my parents are neurodivergent but only my dad is diagnosed (ADHD). Me and my mom are carbon copies physically and behaviourly...and i was referred to get the ASD assessment...my mom is even less sociable and able to have the "expected" reactions than me. Shes been self employed her entire life. Ive been out there to fend for myself. And while my technical skills are praised to the sky...everyone always comments on how i need to improve my communication, relate to colleagues etc etc etc. Like my username lool. Wish you good Xmas 🌲

[@etcwhatever]

"Defense mode" - i need to do a deep dive on that one. Because all my life people tell me this and it makes so confused and angry. I dont even know what they mean. 😮😮

[@jaxs616]

question: how do I find that discord channel? I tried several different combinations of keywords in Google and it doesn't show up. thanks for the great videos!

[@blossom654]

Autistic here 🙌🏻 So I have experienced a lot, that (some) people find me either incredibly stupid or evil, or both, in situations where I can discuss topics from many angles, even the ‘hard’ angles, neutrally. Somehow my brain is not rigid in that way, but more multi dimensional…yet it can fundamentally upset people😵‍💫 …and they get really, really angry with me😢even to the point of physical attack 😥

[@MomontheSpectrum]

oh goodness. I'm so sorry to hear this. you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect

[@blossom654]

@@MomontheSpectrum Thank you so much🙏🏼 I’ve been guessing it’s because I look younger than I am, and seem to appear not so grounded, and I don’t ‘defend’ my IQ, that some people not only don’t take me seriously, but it provokes them. Severe cognitive dissonance in some cases, that can trigger people into anger and lashing out. They don’t like being out-smartet by a blond 😅😅😬Okay, no more oversharing 🤭

[@vivianstewart7523]

"I can discuss topics from many angles, even the ‘hard’ angles, neutrally." Ooooo, I felt that!

[@BCSchmerker]

+MomontheSpectrum *As the autistic adult child of a dysfunctional house of origin, I've developed severe introversion and legalist penchants that complicate introductions;* I've no closer relationships than business associations. Ye probably know of the _new_ NETFLIX® reality serial _Love on the Spectrum,_ which is shot in Los Ángeles County, CA, USA, about four hundred miles south of the Byron (CA, USA) Shops: I _don't_ consider me a candidate for this serial, given my lack of experience with singles' groups - I haven't been able to locate a singles' group in East Contra Costa, CA, USA, in two-plus decades.

[@dawnmulder3540]

Ugh, I struggle to know how to end conversations or know when it is time to leave.

[@charliec2960]

Can you possibly add a link to AS Direct on Discord? Can't seem to find... 🧐

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hopefully this helps! kzbin.info/www/bejne/gXTLgaCad8mjarM

[@calmdowngurl]

I think for me I've lost friendships for being direct about things but I don't have regrets as if people can't handle direct talk regarfdong expectations regarding ghosting people for long periods of time. Don't get me wrong I'm not talking about a bit of time here or there but long periods of time and then after talking about it and making a plan and then being made to feel like I'm being weird , I know there are others out there like me 🤩 Regarding the app about communicating when you have the energy and then the person being able to respond. I had a really bad experience with that type of communication. I had a really close friend for almost 20 years and we were communicating that way successfully for quite a while and then after her sending me multiple about five messages like that and I did not respond in a way that she thought was validating enough, she never talked to me again! Which I know sounds extreme, but that is what happened . So a little weary of using that type of communication.

[@bobgamble8204]

Friendships are a tough thing. For me I like to have one on one relationships, no groups, but even then after 10 mins with someone, I'm kinda done and just lose interest in the conversation and really just want to get away

[@9crutnacker985]

Aps. there are a lot of apps get mention on the channels I watch, not just for autistics but ADHD too. I hate smart phones. It took me ages just to work out how to make & receive a phone call. I still don't know how to access the internet on one or how to download aps or where to find them. My brain really really struggles with aps & smart 'phones.They're not at all intuitive for me & there's no instructions. I don't know if PDA is involved but my ADHD certainly is Not interested. There is a physical response that I don't what to call or how to describe but it's not good. This also makes me feels excluded or the age old 'try harder'. What alternatives are there for aps?

[@vivianstewart7523]

I can do my own taxes, successfully freelance in the business world and program my own website but I CANNOT work the TV remote. I get you. :-)

[@chloebunde4455]

Question: What is bad about the infinity symbol? I thought that was a more progressive symbol for autism acceptance. Also, wanted to say on the topic of leaving: I have found people who I can just say "alright I am done socializing. Time to go now" and then don't take offense and actually find it charming. I believe there are people who will enjoy your communication style, just gotta find them :)

[@svsilentpartner647]

I wish that when the mood changes in the conversation due to my input, I wish people would ask what did I mean? Not start with some discipline or gaslighting. To me it seems so obvious to ask when you don't understand.

[@MysticRhythmsYoga]

I've called the autistic leave my "French exit" lmao

[@someonesomewhere8325]

Be of service.

[@johnbillings5260]

Pro tip: Start trying to leave when you get there and by the time you're done it'll be time to leave. 😂

[@resourceress7]

I saw in one of your earlier videos that you mentioned wanting to learn to be inclusive of everyone's genders, identities, preferred terminology, etc. Is that why you used the trans flag and the LGBT+ flag in your "autistic af" T-shirt design? Or maybe you weren't thinking of the flags, and the colors were already there in software or something? Genuinely curious -- not a personal attack or anything. I just like to know things, and how details fit together. :)

[@MomontheSpectrum]

A combo of both! It was a preset on the designing software and also I love the rainbow. And many people on the spectrum identify as queer. So I just love rainbows and everything they represent.

[@TanyaDee]

The goodbyes are the worst! My inlaws think every get together should last about 8-12 hours and if I try to leave, it's torture. Some even claim to be introverted but NO understanding. In fact, because they simply do NOT understand, they take offense. Yay. Marco polo? No. If I have to be in a video, it's NOT going to happen! I use whattsap for my family but NEVER on video.

[@Dayglodaydreams]

My weirdness is around sex and saying inappropriate things. If you don’t want me to hide my weirdness, you might get what you ask for and not like it.

[@sanetvanart]

Accept that you will feel like the alien on Earth and you will be a loner, friendship will be impossible so get to like your own company. No point traumatising yourself with hope for friendship. You ARE alone.

[@Dayglodaydreams]

Why does she hate infinity symbols?

[@Eskermo]

I love your shirt design. Is it the progress pride flag colors, or is that a coincidence?

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Coincidence but happy for it to be both!

[@ginpepper]

Fine less somewhere else That’s good

[@autumn5852]

2:42 ~ whoah, I don’t consider my meltdowns an embarrassment for either myself or anybody else and I don’t consider anybody else’s meltdowns to be an embarrassment either and I’ve never been treated like I’m an embarrassment when I’m having a meltdown in public (that I’m aware of), I’ve only ever been treated with compassion and concern, but maybe that’s because that’s how I treat others so maybe if Claire could learn to understand and accept autistic people she would know that meltdowns aren’t an embarrassment, but rather they’re simply a response to something that’s overwhelming us in one way or another at that time because the more people that can understand that the less people will look at meltdowns as an embarrassment instead of what it is

[@schluesselblume2337]

I don't think it is helping friendships if we only go about what WE are feeling and the feelings in the moment as well. To maintain a friendship we need to learn to stick to commitments like other people do. Otherwise this "autism" label makes us more and more self centered and therefore extremely egotistical. Our world is enough full of self centered people. I just self diagnosed with 68 and wouldn't want to follow advise that revolves all around ME. I am also Buddhist and know that ME ME ME world is end the end very lonely.

[@autumn5852]

1:09 ~ I don’t know why that would make you or anybody else happy but coming from an autistic person (you) it confuses me even more 🤔 but I suppose that’s because I’ve got zero interest in having friends and never really have - to me, friendships are something neurotypical people have, need or want and to me, as an autistic person, friends make zero sense. People generally bore the shit out of me and I’m quiet sure I do them and unless they’re gonna just sit still, not talk and just listen to me talk, I can’t see the point in them 🤷🏻‍♀️. Before my diagnosis at the age of 50, I used to have friends because I didn’t know any better and I had quite a few but as soon as I got my diagnosis I immediately thought, thank god I don’t have to bother with friends anymore, they’re exhausting, boring and they eat into my alone time, which is my favourite kind of time ☺️. I enjoy meeting people at groups, for example, that I have an interest in but beyond that, I prefer to spend my time by myself 😍 but they do say we’re all different so I guess if you like having friends then that’s great although I still don’t know why it makes you happy that other autistic people have friends but maybe you just want people to be like you and if they are you feel happy 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@autumn5852]

8:33 why not just say what you want to say 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t understand why people think that we (autistic people) need to fit in with the social rules or etiquette of neurotypical people 🤔 besides which, it sounds exhausting to always be policing yourself and it doesn’t sound very healthy 😥 … this also contradicts what Claire said previously that if people think you’re too much, they’re welcome to find someone who is less… …. I really don’t think policing what you say is healthy or good for anybody, it seems disingenuous to both parties and it’s a subliminal message that you’re sending to yourself that says you’re not good enough, like you’re saying that if you say what you want to say people will judge you so you must police yourself and only say what is acceptable to other people as if they hold the gold standard on what should or shouldn’t be said and if you say what you want to say, you never know how that could either help someone or brighten their day - I know many people like what they think is mad or random or weird stuff that I say and if nothing else I will often bring a smile to their faces even if they haven’t got a clue what I’m talking about or why I said it. … it sounds (to me) like Claire would prefer us to put a gag over our mouths and only speak when spoken to and only say what fits in with what other people want to talk about 😭

[@rachelh-j5006]

Ew, to say that we need to manage our meltdowns so it's not "embarrassing for everybody [eye roll]". Ouch.