5 Personality Patterns Developed From Trauma

Can trauma change your personality? In this video, we explore whether your personality is who you really are or if it is a coping mechanism you learnt to survive childhood trauma.
Fear is a powerful motivator. Repeatedly experiencing unpleasant or painful events signals an imminent threat to survival.
As a child, you have few options to deal with unpleasant events. You cannot physically get up and leave your home if your parents are emotionally abusing or neglecting you. So the only way to survive painful events is to withdraw- to disconnect emotionally.
This emotional disconnection often continues into adulthood and can look like using substances like alcohol or drugs to numb feelings. Or you may put all your energy and focus into your work to escape how you feel.
It’s easy to think negatively about how you learnt to cope when subjected to childhood trauma. But the first part of healing is understanding that those coping strategies helped you survive at the time. By understanding that they once served a necessary purpose, we can begin to let them go from a place of love.
The gift of being an adult is we’re not dependent upon others to meet our core emotional needs. We have within us what we need to heal, but to access this we need to slow down, make space and learn to connect to the love within us.
00:00 Introduction
00:50 What is childhood trauma
01:00 Types of childhood trauma
02:08 Unhealthy coping mechanisms developed from trauma
03:34 5 personality patterns
06:02 How to break free
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Website: www.alexhoward.com
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Content is produced by Oliver Halls (Instagram: @oliver.halls) and Jeremiah Fernandes (Instagram: @jeremiah.fernandes).

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Which of these 5 personality patterns do you resonate with?

[@EconMBAStudent]

All five personality patterns resonate with me. I might change number one to over-achiever as not knowing what normal is you tend to go for a gold standard and as such overshoot a feasible goal. Helper, yes. I believe I am modeling behavior that I would love to have extended to me, but could never ask. I am highly empathetic having felt so much pain I can easily step into some else’s shoes even if their situation is not something you have experienced directly. Neglect, and wanting to blend in has definitely resulted in anxiety, having no healthy role models creates a hyper vigilance which is paralyzing. Perfectionism certainly. I would have denied any controlling tendencies but they are there in doing what ever I can to avoid and mitigate chaos, in my personal and especially working life. No mystery that I am a project manager. Thank you to you and your team. The therapy sessions you put online are so helpful. I joined your reset program last year, I am taking advantage of being able to take my time with this. I am sure your to do list is long but I would love you pick apart emotional neglect and physical neglect, it seems you can’t have one without the other; but I can think of scenarios where there is a divide. In appreciation.

[@marianoah2212]

Helper, Anxiety, Perfecionist Such a great video! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@lindaelarde2692]

Mostly perfectionist, helper, controller. But really can see all of them in me. So helpful to have this clarity...thank you for such insightful content.

[@railwaychristina3192]

What doesn't kill you, gives you maladaptive behaviours....all of the above.

[@Liliarthan]

Damn. That needs to be on a t-shirt. I’m pinching this one in my everyday speak 😅

[@mariacaballero116]

I have all 5 but my anxiety really stood out at the age of 40 after surviving 2 domestic violence relationships. I’m finally at peace with myself ❤

[@HeyIts_Anja]

Helper- Anxiety- Perfectionist

[@oxfordhappy]

Definitely. Anxiety, helper, controller. I’m a very different person to who I was before the traumas began

[@JeannieIsLauraIsJeannie]

All FIVE for me ... all five, but I am healing ... slowly but surely making my way closer to my authentic self ... 💚

[@andreviviers9122]

Initially years back for me, achiever, controller, perfectionist, anxiety. Anxiety, achiever, perfectionist stayed. Control was slowly replaced by helper.

[@gaylaaustin7468]

The first four: achiever/helper/anxiety/perfectionist. Not controller: the world seemed to be chaos and out of my control.

[@benjamindsouza6736]

I resonate with that!

[@vanhoudtshoorn]

I have a little bit of all five. The ones that resonates the most for me: the helper and anxiety. Am working on it. Thank you for this wonderful video❤

[@jessicahijarunguru4117]

This is so clearly explained, word by word. I appreciate this 🙏

[@chrissiehammond8681]

4. Anxiety , Thank you for this video Alex.

[@andreviviers9122]

Amazing video, giving so much perspective.

[@johnkarl8921]

A brilliant video that gets to the heart of why we are the person we learned to become to survive in a world we struggled to fit into. I have all the traits, but still learning to focus on self validation instead of seeking acceptance from others.This ties into attachment styles and attachment theory really well as it's in relationships I've struggled most. Glad I stumbled on your video. I went from therapy to training as a mental health mentor and this is really useful. ❤

[@nicoletynan2429]

Interesting how many people are helpers - I’m pretty sure I have achiever (less so now I’m 55), anxiety (increased in my 50s) and perfectionist (less so in my 50s). I tend to assert proudly my independent spirit which I think in part is based on fear of being truly exposed in an intimate relationship. Thanks Alex I love your work

[@benjamindsouza6736]

Very informative video! Thank you! 🙏🙏

[@HeyIts_Anja]

Helper- Anxiety- Perfectionist 👀

[@Liliarthan]

All of the above. I wonder how abusers (esp narcissistic abusers) compare to these personality types - since a lot of abusers were victims of abuse themselves. I can see them perhaps ticking the controller box most prominently, and that could be from ticking the perfectionist and anxiety boxes. But there seems to be a quality of “projecting their hurt onto others by hurting others” or something like that (I definitely don’t fully understand the psychology of an abuser yet). Would love your thoughts on that.

[@user-yu7ud9yb2l]

Controller for me!! 💯

[@MartinaDohnalova-vt8wq]

All 5 resonate with me.

[@ninaprudhomme2338]

Totally 2. Helper and maybe a little bit 4. Perfectionist

[@timmatthies5456]

All five, high five 🖐️ but I keep processing my traumas and some patterns already start to decline! Psycho-education is key to understand our own life !

[@HealthWyze]

Somebody needs to turn the noise gate down on the audio. It almost makes me dizzy. The echo problem is causing it to clip too much. It would help to get the microphone much closer or to use a lavalier microphone.

[@BarneyR2]

Mine are Anxiety and controller. With controller though I interpret that as more of a positive, because it gives a sense of power rather than being powerless. It goes with confidence. Yes it probably did develop out of some trauma but its a useful skill. Anxiety is the one I don't want because it causes all sorts of ugly physiological body responses like IBS and other nasties. And my brain has literally created faulty pathways which I have spent a lot of time working to undo. If I had some childhood trauma (I remember more the adult traumas) I don't know how much of my personality is different today but I do take different actions than before based on my most recent traumatic experiences.

[@Emerald007007]

yep thats me all of them. Man Im in such bad shape. My head constantly buzzes with stress all the time.

[@barbaralewis-heywood3621]

I am achiever, perfectionist and caretaker!

[@David.Horne72]

Thankyou

[@BiljanaCook]

All 5 but I never was aware of the anxiety until recently... At the tender age of 58

[@scottishgiggirl]

Alex, you post lots of similar videos explaining this stuff. However you rarely posts vids or shorts about how to fix it. Please please can you. 🙏

[@rozaliaslaboiu7810]

I have a Borderline Personality and Major Depression, and my childhood was a hell made by others... Now I am 54 years old and I can say I never was loved, accepted, or respected as a human being. I never was married and never had a family. When someday I will meet God I will ask Him: "Why I had this horrible life?" " What was the meaning of me being here, in this lifetime?" All Patterns some more than others...

[@melanielukeman8407]

me to x

[@johnkarl8921]

I can relate to your comments as someone with bpd also , I felt the same way. For me finding my own meaning in what happened combined with learning to accept myself and find closure by forgiving others and myself helped. Self Love always felt phony and Narcissistic but it's just really self parenting, giving yourself the unconditional love and care Lacked in childhood. On a positive note, going through stuff that was painful also provided inner strengths , resilience and awareness others may lack. I'm in my 70s now and find it gets easier living with bpd triggers but the main thing is focusing on validating yourself instead of seeking it from outside/others. Wishing you well.

[@rozaliaslaboiu7810]

@@johnkarl8921 Thank you. I wish you the same.

[@tamanak5279]

I wish you healing 😢 look into Islam and hopefully that will explain everything

[@barbaralewis-heywood3621]

I am the achiever and the the helper

[@juliesmith4539]

I don't know if I have all 5 now .but definitely in childhood I still feel like I'm being manipulated as an adult because when I try and change the patterns it's like I'm the one being in the wrong and people make it look like there trying to do things for me but I get so confused and angry with myself I had childhood sexual abuse and neglect and it seems I can't do anything right

[@melanielukeman8407]

me to x

[@user-sk8ij4rn5r]

2, 3, 4

[@jameswilson2354]

All 5😢

[@sonalijoshi1370]

Helper anxiety controller 😢

[@gardenroom65]

All of it! It’s been. A rollercoaster, I don’t recommend it……

[@TrainerLiz1]

Anxiety

[@melanielukeman8407]

all 5 i hate life and so alone scared broken still being abbused life not worth living

[@vickieclewell1973]

None of these

[@itsmekari]

So helpful. I also look forward to your series working with people with childhood trauma. How does one get chosen to be able to work with you? I would love to get a chance to talk to you. 🙏🏻❤️‍🩹🙏🏻

[@emilyagape888]

JESUS OUR CHRIST IS THE ONLY WAY OUT. 🙏❤️🥹❤️🥹❤️🙏

[@HeyIts_Anja]

Helper- Anxiety- Perfectionist

[@HeyIts_Anja]

Helper- Anxiety- Perfectionist 👀

[@HeyIts_Anja]

Helper- Anxiety- Perfectionist

[@HeyIts_Anja]

Helper- Anxiety- Perfectionist 👀