5 Personality Patterns Developed From Trauma

[@AlexHowardTherapy]

Which of these 5 personality patterns do you resonate with?

[@railwaychristina3192]

What doesn't kill you, gives you maladaptive behaviours....all of the above.

[@Liliarthan]

Damn. That needs to be on a t-shirt. I’m pinching this one in my everyday speak 😅

[@MRRS-ee1cd]

Personality traits that denote trauma: 1. Achiever 2. Helper 3, Anxiety 4. Perfectionist 5. Controller To avoid them you have to learn to recognise your patterns

[@Ap-sy5nt]

Posting this list serves zero purpose. All these personalities are found where trauma is absent and in many cases only 1 or 2 are found where trauma is present. You don’t need to tick ANY of these boxes. You either had trauma or you did not. You either have behaviours and feelings to fix or you do not. The list is completely pointless

[@mariacaballero116]

I have all 5 but my anxiety really stood out at the age of 40 after surviving 2 domestic violence relationships. I’m finally at peace with myself ❤

[@สุจิตราอ่วมกลัด]

You so strong. Hope you get better and better in everyday.

[@marianoah2212]

Helper, Anxiety, Perfecionist Such a great video! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@EconMBAStudent]

All five personality patterns resonate with me. I might change number one to over-achiever as not knowing what normal is you tend to go for a gold standard and as such overshoot a feasible goal. Helper, yes. I believe I am modeling behavior that I would love to have extended to me, but could never ask. I am highly empathetic having felt so much pain I can easily step into some else’s shoes even if their situation is not something you have experienced directly. Neglect, and wanting to blend in has definitely resulted in anxiety, having no healthy role models creates a hyper vigilance which is paralyzing. Perfectionism certainly. I would have denied any controlling tendencies but they are there in doing what ever I can to avoid and mitigate chaos, in my personal and especially working life. No mystery that I am a project manager. Thank you to you and your team. The therapy sessions you put online are so helpful. I joined your reset program last year, I am taking advantage of being able to take my time with this. I am sure your to do list is long but I would love you pick apart emotional neglect and physical neglect, it seems you can’t have one without the other; but I can think of scenarios where there is a divide. In appreciation.

[@Thi-Nguyen]

Sadly, all five apply. I didn’t realize it, especially number three until I realized that I’m medicated for my anxiety. I’ve often questioned who I might have been if I hadn’t had that childhood I had; what I might have accomplished, and what my life would have been like.

[@lindaelarde2692]

Mostly perfectionist, helper, controller. But really can see all of them in me. So helpful to have this clarity...thank you for such insightful content.

[@oxfordhappy]

Definitely. Anxiety, helper, controller. I’m a very different person to who I was before the traumas began

[@JeannieIsLauraIsJeannie]

All FIVE for me ... all five, but I am healing ... slowly but surely making my way closer to my authentic self ... 💚

[@cherylinman2807]

I have all 5 but anxiety and helper stand out the most for me. I have BPD as a result of childhood trauma. I have been abused since I could crawl, emotionally, physically and sexually. I’m now 60 and a full time carer for my parents. Whom still treat me like I’m 10. I’ve never been able to hold down an intimate relationship and have no friends for support either. Probably would have been better if I was never born.

[@ScottBecker-c1k]

WOW!!! Bingo, Jack!! Or should I say, Bingo, Alex. I can definitely relate to the "school" part. Many times I came home from school crying, then my mother punished me for crying because she told me that kids don't have feelings. Most of my life I was surrounded by narcissists. I was constantly being told things like "I don't care what the teacher down the hall said. I am the ONLY teacher that is right." or "We are the ONLY parents that are right. People that don't think like us are wrong and are weird". or "I am the ONLY boss that is correct". I could go on and on, but you get the idea. No wonder I grew up to be a very confused adult.

[@malleartandmusic1924]

When i was a child the only one who where allowed to show feelings was my mother. When mommy did not get what she want- she cried lied yell and ignore me and my dad. The only way she would stop crying yelling and ignore us was to buy her something or clean the house.

[@andreviviers9122]

Initially years back for me, achiever, controller, perfectionist, anxiety. Anxiety, achiever, perfectionist stayed. Control was slowly replaced by helper.

[@neeleymountain]

Raised by an older brother who was backed by our mother, I had four…I gave up control, the fifth one. Set me up for abuse in three marriages. I’m alone now and had to learn to control myself and my environment to survive. Free now, and quite content, but definitely changed. I see it and I am so different that it surprises me.

[@codzy3532]

im dark a woman 61 was bullied at school by the white kids teachers used to embarrass me too couldnt find the right answer the teacher kids would laugh at me 3yrs of it glad we moved by the end of the yr ugh got older went out into the world found racism was and still is rife but more subtle today especially in australia its a racist place i still have anger issues about it i have meltdowns but its shown in another way my outbursts finally found a good doctor thats got me counselling i hope everything goes well so ppls just try get through life without anyone belittling u an your character your unique in your own special way dont let anyone take that from u God bless the bullied unwanted unloved God loves us all amen ☺❤🙏🧔‍♀👵💐

[@Live1959-y7b]

I think it's our soul that's being treated badly by these people who belittle us, you say about being of a different colour, yes that's maybe something that stands out at the time but I think you might have got this rotten treatment anyway, these bullies like an easy way to prove the victim deserves it. Please don't get me wrong, I know racism is going on and on. People of any colour, shape and size are getting this same treatment as children. I send my love to you and I would have stood beside you if I was there. You are a wonderful person with a wonderful soul and the nasties of the world want to destroy us. ✨️ 💖 ✨️ 💖 soul to soul x

[@magnetdesignandadver]

All of the above. Very helpful thank you for summing this up. I believe one can't heal the mind with the mind, one can only heal the mind with the heart. I love can be felt, then it begins to dissolve negative/fear based ways of thinking.

[@vanhoudtshoorn]

I have a little bit of all five. The ones that resonates the most for me: the helper and anxiety. Am working on it. Thank you for this wonderful video❤

[@dlissett821]

1, 3, 5. Having 4 as an ex-perfectionist makes me procrastinate!

[@andreviviers9122]

Amazing video, giving so much perspective.

[@jaye5872]

This is brilliant, thanks!

[@VS04]

Thank you for showing people of all ages in this video

[@rozaliaslaboiu7810]

I have a Borderline Personality and Major Depression, and my childhood was a hell made by others... Now I am 54 years old and I can say I never was loved, accepted, or respected as a human being. I never was married and never had a family. When someday I will meet God I will ask Him: "Why I had this horrible life?" " What was the meaning of me being here, in this lifetime?" All Patterns some more than others...

[@melanielukeman8407]

me to x

[@johnkarl8921]

I can relate to your comments as someone with bpd also , I felt the same way. For me finding my own meaning in what happened combined with learning to accept myself and find closure by forgiving others and myself helped. Self Love always felt phony and Narcissistic but it's just really self parenting, giving yourself the unconditional love and care Lacked in childhood. On a positive note, going through stuff that was painful also provided inner strengths , resilience and awareness others may lack. I'm in my 70s now and find it gets easier living with bpd triggers but the main thing is focusing on validating yourself instead of seeking it from outside/others. Wishing you well.

[@rozaliaslaboiu7810]

@@johnkarl8921 Thank you. I wish you the same.

[@tamanak5279]

I wish you healing 😢 look into Islam and hopefully that will explain everything

[@gaylaaustin7468]

The first four: achiever/helper/anxiety/perfectionist. Not controller: the world seemed to be chaos and out of my control.

[@benjamindsouza6736]

I resonate with that!

[@Tutume1111]

Me to the T

[@boyfmbalcatta]

As a 65 year old male who went through a very traumatic early childhood I have spent my life trying leave all behind. But only partially successfully! If I was to try to allocate which of the 5 points mentioned I employed, it have to be HELPING and PERFECTIONISM.

[@LindaMcLean513]

Thank you. Very helpful at this time. LINDA (I cannot subscribe meantime ... but is is right up there!)

[@p.moorewilson7917]

💕💕💕🙏

[@benjamindsouza6736]

Very informative video! Thank you! 🙏🙏

[@HeyIts_Anja]

Helper- Anxiety- Perfectionist 👀

[@toddbonin6926]

Why does it matter if we love ourselves? I don’t and I know I don’t and I don’t care. I’ve only very rarely felt loved, and I really have no desire for that feeling anymore. Maybe 20 years ago I did. I’m an achiever, a helper and a perfectionist. I may try to control a situation if I could possibly be blamed for a bad outcome. But I’m not doing any of this to be loved … mostly I’m doing it so that people will leave me alone. I don’t even know why this was in my feed. 😣

[@HeyIts_Anja]

Helper- Anxiety- Perfectionist

[@connieroberts5152]

I relate to helper,anxiety,and perfectionist.Anxiety is the first and foremost!

[@johnkarl8921]

A brilliant video that gets to the heart of why we are the person we learned to become to survive in a world we struggled to fit into. I have all the traits, but still learning to focus on self validation instead of seeking acceptance from others.This ties into attachment styles and attachment theory really well as it's in relationships I've struggled most. Glad I stumbled on your video. I went from therapy to training as a mental health mentor and this is really useful. ❤

[@myostar7]

5 of 5 thank you

[@nicoletynan2429]

Interesting how many people are helpers - I’m pretty sure I have achiever (less so now I’m 55), anxiety (increased in my 50s) and perfectionist (less so in my 50s). I tend to assert proudly my independent spirit which I think in part is based on fear of being truly exposed in an intimate relationship. Thanks Alex I love your work

[@antararaychaudhuri8836]

Thank you so much for the insight. I have all the 5 but lately I think I have started drifting away from being a controller.

[@denizkenber]

how about the avoider?

[@nancyhagan7553]

thank you you explained trauma so simple for us to understand God bless you

[@Tutume1111]

Overachiever constantly setting a new goals for myself to be better than yesterday, having anxiety throughout all my life and being perfectionist to the point of currently researching plastic surgery options to achieve that perfection.Empathetic and highly intuitive helper working in caring profession too

[@jessicahijarunguru4117]

This is so clearly explained, word by word. I appreciate this 🙏

[@timmatthies5456]

All five, high five 🖐️ but I keep processing my traumas and some patterns already start to decline! Psycho-education is key to understand our own life !

[@orchidpurple21]

Achiever, Anxiety and controller

[@ninaprudhomme2338]

Totally 2. Helper and maybe a little bit 4. Perfectionist

[@Liliarthan]

All of the above. I wonder how abusers (esp narcissistic abusers) compare to these personality types - since a lot of abusers were victims of abuse themselves. I can see them perhaps ticking the controller box most prominently, and that could be from ticking the perfectionist and anxiety boxes. But there seems to be a quality of “projecting their hurt onto others by hurting others” or something like that (I definitely don’t fully understand the psychology of an abuser yet). Would love your thoughts on that.

[@robertc.6441]

It definitely caused me anxiety and depression, but mostly I seem to get angry easily and rant outloud, and yes cuss! I would never hurt no one I must add. I've been told it's venting, and it's better to let it out than let it bottle up. My mom once told me i had a temper and that i probably got it from her, but I don't about that. I do know i get angry and frustrated alot easier now in my late 50's. My poor doggies, they are so use to my anger they mostly just accept it as the norm. I see them thinking he will calm down in a bit and we'll get something extra to eat!

[@BarneyR2]

Mine are Anxiety and controller. With controller though I interpret that as more of a positive, because it gives a sense of power rather than being powerless. It goes with confidence. Yes it probably did develop out of some trauma but its a useful skill. Anxiety is the one I don't want because it causes all sorts of ugly physiological body responses like IBS and other nasties. And my brain has literally created faulty pathways which I have spent a lot of time working to undo. If I had some childhood trauma (I remember more the adult traumas) I don't know how much of my personality is different today but I do take different actions than before based on my most recent traumatic experiences.

[@DebbieWelch-f2u]

All 5 as an adult some more than others such as the helper, control and anxiety thinking all the time.

[@chrissiehammond8681]

4. Anxiety , Thank you for this video Alex.

[@debbyschumacher8513]

I definitely have all 5 of these patterns.

[@KC-50]

All 5 too...I think Anxiety and Perfectionism driving me absolutely 🤪 I have found better coping mechanisms but constantly running away from feelings that I don't know how to deal with.

[@MartinaDohnalova-vt8wq]

All 5 resonate with me.

[@catherinejames2734]

Sure, have all five. The controller one I use by being very careful of who I choose to get past the huge wall I have up around my world. Really don’t care to change that, it’s necessary for self protection.

[@joeshmoe000]

This is great, but I learned that for me the number one problem is an attachment disorder. I think I have insecure or avoidant attachment style. It makes romantic relationships nearly impossible for me to achieve, even though I can achieve many other things in life, this is the one area that I can't seem to do. It's very hard cause I feel so alone trapped in this psychological prison.

[@jessicapatton2688]

I probably have all 5. I remember pressuring myself to get a 4.0 in college (I got a 3.8. I actually cried when I got a B) I never actually feel accomplished tho even if I succeed. I have always done service type jobs. I’m definitely always trying to be a quiet helper. I get told I do more than any other nurse but I feel like I don’t do enough. I have an anxiety diagnosis along with PTSD. So yes to that one too. And perfectionists yes. I always control my weight. I was and have always struggled with body image. I feel like I have to be in perfect shape to be happy. There’s never any peace tho. It’s I either want to lose a few pounds or I have to maintain where I’m at. There’s just no peace. Oh and I was totally controlling with my husband. Out of fear not domineering tho. I’m curious who I would be if not just a traumatized person.

[@Freeforallpodcast244]

I am 23&5 for sure.

[@NomaIgbinedion]

2:The helper 3: Anxiety

[@christinebraun4426]

Me too tender age of 60, anxiety, helper, achiever😮

[@LemonMoon-u7q]

Controller for me!! 💯

[@MemoirsofaGamer1982]

This video is a Nothing Burger. LITERALLY, EVERY relationship we have, and person we interact with changes our life. Even this comment will be read and cause a reaction. We are always being affected by people. Trauma changes us cos we learn to avoid that same thing happening again.

[@Emerald007007]

yep thats me all of them. Man Im in such bad shape. My head constantly buzzes with stress all the time.

[@rachaelsealey1259]

Definitely 2 and 4 I’ve never known how to fix myself…

[@seeshellgyrl]

number 3 all the way... and #6: the one who gives up

[@David.Horne72]

Thankyou

[@edwardianspice1]

I relate to 1, 3 and 5. 3 describes ADHD

[@marklawrence17]

None of these apply to me. My lesson was my very presence was hateful. There was no achievement or behavior that would justify my existence.

[@KarenLouiseEvans]

All 5 😢

[@barbaralewis-heywood3621]

I am achiever, perfectionist and caretaker!

[@sonalijoshi1370]

Helper anxiety controller 😢

[@barbaralewis-heywood3621]

I am the achiever and the the helper

[@TheGoodShepherd117]

5 out of 5… damn… if only it was a test.

[@scottishgiggirl]

Alex, you post lots of similar videos explaining this stuff. However you rarely posts vids or shorts about how to fix it. Please please can you. 🙏

[@MickeyDs-mp7yr]

Emdr therapy. You must regress back to your childhood and pull out the root of your trauma and process it once and for all.

[@scottishgiggirl]

If only it were that easy!

[@dannylayton231]

I have all 5

[@HealthWyze]

Somebody needs to turn the noise gate down on the audio. It almost makes me dizzy. The echo problem is causing it to clip too much. It would help to get the microphone much closer or to use a lavalier microphone.

[@jameswilson2354]

All 5😢

[@Helena-to9my]

Is the cold personality also a trauma reaction?

[@jeaniepecats419]

2,3, and 5

[@BiljanaCook]

All 5 but I never was aware of the anxiety until recently... At the tender age of 58

[@KathyGreen-u4i]

2&3!

[@juliesmith4539]

I don't know if I have all 5 now .but definitely in childhood I still feel like I'm being manipulated as an adult because when I try and change the patterns it's like I'm the one being in the wrong and people make it look like there trying to do things for me but I get so confused and angry with myself I had childhood sexual abuse and neglect and it seems I can't do anything right

[@melanielukeman8407]

me to x

[@sooni00]

I hope my true self isn't like who I appear to be rn

[@henriettetruter4545]

I have all except excessive anxiety and I also don't have the need to control. What about adult trauma

[@fmargaret2825]

Poor you, poor me...say it together.,.naturally.

[@rpleake83]

I've got all 5

[@stephaniefrancis6080]

Only 3, 4 and 5. They all seem part of the same thing to me.

[@gardenroom65]

All of it! It’s been. A rollercoaster, I don’t recommend it……

[@BrendaVanFossen]

2, 3, 4

[@aytursunfolly4856]

oh my God, I have 4 out of 5

[@Helena-to9my]

Anxiety pattern.

[@p.moorewilson7917]

All five 😕 This is a lottery I didn’t want to win 😔

[@nicolameredith3668]

1 anxiety

[@nicolameredith3668]

3 anxiety

[@sjbabundancefarms]

All five.

[@melanielukeman8407]

all 5 i hate life and so alone scared broken still being abbused life not worth living

[@TrainerLiz1]

Anxiety

[@katebueno191]

Why would anyone even use a rape to publicly huniliate and ridicuke someone if any word they said had any truth to it !!!!

[@maietteamell6447]

2 3

[@ix-Xafra]

Mia culpa 5/5

[@Davey-TheDJ]

I waz abused as a kid by my mother

[@DeeJKerei]

how about your mother beaten up by your father infront of you and visa versa - your brother smashing holes around the house then after your father dies - that brother living off your mother for 20+ years - then you go to lawyers and they dont care even when presented with photos and videos of damage? -- that same brother recording you loosing your mind - because your paying for everything on a benefit - and all you wanted was Power Of Attorney for the OLDEST brother who got away and moved to another country living his best life......... last email from lawyer was - we dont want to give your brother POA because he cant control you two -- so we are giving it to an accounting firm.

[@Helena-to9my]

Trauma make stupid?

[@vickieclewell1973]

None of these