60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 1/33 - Perfectionism

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Where does perfectionism come from? What are the characteristics of perfectionism? How does one grow and change in this area?
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[@chloewhite7783]

My therapist gave me a line one day a couple of years ago that helped me manage my perfectionism a lot: They told me, “There’s a large difference between the best you can do and the best you can do today.” Some days you wake up with hours of sleep, hard things going on in your life, a lot of things you’re juggling etc. And maybe in a perfect hypothetical world you could reach the standard you envision for yourself, but this isn’t that world. Recognize the forces you’re working through, give yourself grace, and be proud of yourself for realistically doing the best you can do for the day. Hope everyone is having one of the better days :)

[@lanishortsunshine5773]

Aawww blessings tomu and ❤🎉❤🎉thanks!

[@JohnSmith-pc4yf]

I pulled out a paper to take notes in the first 2 minutes, thinking “this one itself isn’t too relatable”. Made a slightly crooked line on it and had to immediately throw it away until the line drawn was correctly straight… then realized what just happened.

[@Flowerchile444]

8:19 the lump in my throat from hearing this. I feel like a ghost, half dead half alive… searching and yearning for connection but not wanting to open up/wanting to hide.

[@ShanB333]

Hi. How are you now?

[@kokoskokso]

Yes, how are you?

[@World-Sojourner.22]

☮️❤️ I’ve been through six therapists and NONE of them are educated in CPTSD. I’ve gotten the most help from people on KZbin. ☮️❤️.

[@pascaleweber7206]

same here

[@kokoskokso]

Here in Austria it's not even a recognized diagnosis. You can have PTSD from a single large event, but CPTSD is not diagnosable. I constantly feel like I live 20 years ahead of what the standard is. Not just in this. 😑

[@kokoskokso]

​@tulipohare12 self-education and 12-step programs always worked best for me. The professionals often haven't got a clue, don't understand what you're feeling, and often just care about making a quick buck.

[@matefazekas3107]

I recommend reading the book “Complex PTSD” by Pete Walker to everyone who watches this video. It’s like an encyclopedia for CPTSD survivors!

[@faizansheikh6010]

it really is amazing. i am reading it right now. i am on chapter 11 i think, the one about grieving

[@maynardskunk7612]

I'm 2 years sober this week, I just found these videos. Oh my God this guy makes a lot of sense

[@ShanB333]

Congratulations on two years without needing to use!!

[@kokoskokso]

Congrats, 9 years tomorrow! 🎉

[@manometras]

I never wanted to be better than others. I just wanted to be even, “normal”, not worse than others. That also made me stressed out because it is also not possible or difficult to be “normal” in all important areas of life, and it is often difficult to compare when you work alone on something to be compared by the one(s) who will assess it later.

[@annatevesbanzon1359]

It's hard perfectionism is over compensation since I feel like others can't be dependable.

[@daniellemorphew3515]

This is exactly it. This is why I put space between me and others who do not put in equal effort. It is extremely difficult to integrate ppl into a situation where one always feels they are the only one upholding a standard. And it is even harder when one is the only one reprimanded when that standard slips ....but the ones not pulling weight are not held accountable.

[@wheeliebad11B]

People are generally not reliable and often times incompetent or inept all together.

[@spray1531]

Maybe a perfectionist doesn't want to see it is a problem, and then blame others for not being perfectionists. I could understand why those high standards built on complex trauma are harder to question than people who don't have those. It's still gonna make people rely more on perfectionists, which might not be fair.

[@cherhop1]

This brought so much compassion for myself and for a coworker too who irritates me with her perfectionism and need for be ‘great’.

[@smalltv459]

Part 1 of SIXTY😮‍💨🥺….here we go😎

[@kokoskokso]

What an amazing blessing we have all this in-depth helpful information at our disposal for free.

[@caseylabelle1128]

I introduced my therapist to this a while ago. She uses it all the time now with others. As do I. It’s amazing who gravitates to someone sober for a couple years. I have really been struggling lately with this…it gets exhausting. I mentioned this, in session and she says “well, have you watched Tim Fletchers video on perfectionism?”! I didn’t know this existed. We both laughed and now I am here. This place is an excellent tool for more people than you can possibly know. I hope to start your courses mid January. Thank you for everything. 26 months this Friday 🎉

[@davidcrawford9026]

so you're paying to educate her?

[@Jxxzph]

@@davidcrawford9026 lol, well said bro.

[@YouTubeUserToo]

@@davidcrawford9026be positive

[@shaekuromi4929]

​@@davidcrawford9026 I think its great, because u are responsible for your own education and thanks to this knowledge u can create better observations of your behaviour. And then you can go to theraphy so u can resolve certain stuff head on. Then its quicker to help yourself atelast i think, because the theraphist doesnt do as much investigation and you come with specific stuff and you both work on them. A lot of people know their behaviours or problems but they struggle with resolving them etc.

[@shaekuromi4929]

​@@davidcrawford9026Also theres nothing wrong with being uneducated u cant know everything as a specialist. Its complicated. So thats great that the theraphist got a lot more knowledge thanks to her patient. We are just people.

[@svetlanafedorova6647]

Dear Tim, your teachings are life savior ! God Blessings to you for your outstanding, wonderful, amazing work for humanity!

[@spcwild]

Literally had my first therapy session yesterday and THIS did not come up, why is there a 30 part series on a youtube algorithm that knows me better than a doctor in person?

[@josedelapinio]

Thank you for the videos. After 15 years of therapy i found the answers in your videos ♡

[@JustJ-Me]

Tim I wish badly I could have you as my talk- therapist so I can better process through things such as this. I wrote you at least a couple years ago bc what you said then applied and continues to apply. You've given me so much insight through your discussions. I just don't know how to get out of it and it's draining. Thank you for all your efforts.

[@TimFletcher]

I would encourage you to apply to our LIFT program timfletcher.ca/lift-online-learning/

[@karenwallace227]

You’ve just described my entire life in one talk 😞 Thank you for putting this in a way that exposes the lies and confronts them with the truth. It pierces deeply, but it also brings me understanding and healing. Thank you Tim 🦋

[@jeannieneuser5316]

Karen, I feel you. When I first found Tim, I binge-listened and wept for three days. And then, strangely, feeling heard, understood, and seeing that I am not an irrational being... I felt so much better. Still do. And everywhere in my life, I find myself talking with others, saying "...Tim Fletcher talks about 'The 60 Stages of Complex Trauma', you can find him on KZbin..." There's not a week that goes by, where I don't do that. 😂 Healing IS possible!! You can do it!! 💖

[@binauralfortune]

holy cow!! This guy knows his stuff inside and out. Never met someone who had childhood-PTSD figured out so well. It's like he was looking directly at my inner thoughts and could see me and describe me precisely. I've been trying to understand myself and no amount of therapist on KZbin could quite do it. I'm sold. What's the solution? Is there a course, book, or training?

[@TimFletcher]

Glad you found them helpful. If you want, check out our website: timfletcher.ca there are lots of options listed under Courses + Memberships

[@joshepherd9095]

These talks are transformational. The stories from the bible bring everything into perspective for me. Nothing has changed since those times, and so they continue to inspire us to overcome the limitations of the human condition.

[@SadisticPrince]

Thank you, I found this very helpful.

[@Nida-031]

This is not just giving knowledge this is a therapy too, I'm in a state I get no therapy now financially. I'm thankful for the therapy and knowledge I get from here.

[@BinaBubblegum]

I am a person who has a passion for creative work. When things don't turn out the way I imagined it in my head I get really upset with myself. There was this incedent 1½ years ago when I was in therapy when I was so upset with myself that I ran out of the session and locked myself in a bathroom down the hall for 20 minutes to cry and my therapist tried to coax me out and back into the session asking what was wrong. Pardon that was my first time trying this technique and beforehand I of course looked up tutorials how this works so I can do it right. So I came totally prepared and ready for this into the session and picked colors that I think would look cool together. What I didn't know tho was that they used a different mix than the ones in the tutorial mixing oil in the medium. Oil creates bubbles and the bubbles get more when you add heat. So everthing looked fine at first the bubbles bothered me a tad but it was still okay. When I tried to spread out the medium with a blow drier for cool effects then there were tiny bubbles everywhere all across the canvas that it looked like an orange peel when they popped. I was so angry with my self that I cried for half the day - and mind you I really hate crying in front of people (because then I'm showing weakness and so on and so forth). Also I didn't visit the whole workshop for a whole week until the next session (before I was every minute I had free time and the workshop was open in there every day for 3-4 weeks straight). I refused to look at it "because it's a failure and I should just throw it away". But then I looked at it after the session when my therapist with the canvas in her hand saying that it looked beautiful. And to be true I was really happy with the results with the medium settled (so it didn't look like an orange's skin anymore) and dried. Now it hangs proudly above my desk reminding me to not to be so hard on myself. Edit: Wow I didn't expect my comment to turn out so long... But I wanted to mention one thing of why I was in therapy in the first place. I fell into a depressive pit because I put too much pressure and expectations on myself that I didn't even start to do really important things concerning my studies that the pure thought of failing paralyzed me so much.

[@kingsway731]

I could really relate to this. I've refinished cars and pianos and other musical instruments most of my life. there are definitely some upsides to perfectionism if you can hone it in and be aware of it. when I was younger I had a mentor who was the same way and he told me to consistently ask myself "is anyone else is going to notice this?" that really saved me a lot of time and stopped me from obsessing over inconsequential details

[@kokoskokso]

That's a brilliant question, thank you for commenting that! I'll definitely take it with me especially to work life

[@Daisy-Doo]

these videos have been so helpful in my healing from cptsd. thank you so much.

[@joyfulone1816]

Pastor Tim, i praise YAH for the lessons i get here. That they're true to the Word, makes them manna to my soul EVERY TIME i listen.

[@timothykenneth4925]

A trick: watch series on Flixzone. Me and my gf have been using it for watching lots of of movies these days.

[@malcolmtitan8602]

@Timothy Kenneth definitely, been using flixzone} for years myself :)

[@heathermason489]

Praise Yah for Tim❤

[@rosaferreira7946]

Tim, I have listened to many podcasts but I must say you are top. Thanks for all this info. You are truly a blessing and making such a difference 😊

[@angelafeldman5903]

Wow, I have ALL 30+1 !a to z! Lord have mercy and let me be free to love me and others without being scared! So I can love others without being fearful of being not good enough! And end up all alone and scared to leave my home and shut off the world. Loves hard and it hurts sometimes. Love is Worth it always!

[@Pheonix1111]

Perfectionism was initially tricky for me, because I finally figured out that I truly and innately strive for self-mastery. It is actually part of my real identity. But I am grateful to you Tim for distinguishing between the healthy and unhealthy aspects of perfectionism. Ironically, my trauma caused me to go in a different direction regarding perfectionism. No one has ever loved or accepted me. I have no idea what conditional or unconditional love even feels like. I endured extreme abuse. I only know what being hated and rejected feels like. My abusers taught me that they hate and reject WHO I AM, and WHATEVER I happen to DO perfectly is meaningless to them. They taught me I AM completely worthless trash, and this is why they hate and reject me. They taught me WHO I AM is shameful. So I avoid people entirely, because I already know no one will ever accept or love me even if I did everything perfectly. I learned that there is nothing I could do to ever be loved and accepted. So I strive to be perfect for my own personal satisfaction and sense of accomplishment. I just live with extreme loneliness. Thank you Tim for helping me to see this objectively.

[@Lyrielonwind]

I feel the same. I think very few people bothered to know me and validate me. They are gone because either life or death grew us apart. I had relatioshits and thought that emotional abuse was love because that's was what my narcissistic family and the Catholic teaching made me think; everything was about giving, being ashamed and submission. That's why I believe in God but I can't stand religions because they are about power and control and not that love they predicate. They really hurted me in all levels.

[@alinapylypenko9230]

I`m sorry this happened to you this much. Hugs.

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

@@Lyrielonwind ♥

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

♥

[@Pheonix1111]

@@Lyrielonwind I am sad that you also suffered unnecessarily. I think all abuse is unnecessary - abuse should never occur. I sincerely hope you heal.

[@Alog74]

Everything that I have started listening to in these videos is the epitomy of who I have become based on child hood trauma. Currently I feel as though I'm not good enough for anyone, I'm a failure, I feel as though I'm drowning and now I know why. I will continue to watch this whole series until it sinks in. I am very close to losing a 12 year relationship due to these exact things. I thought Perfectionism was good and today watching this I realize how harmful it has become in my life.

[@francestaylor9156]

As I told my husband the other day, “you don’t have to be perfect to be loved.” I’m a perfectionist too. So I get it. I think it helped him realize he didn’t have to keep striving for perfection in himself and in our kids.

[@janet982]

OMG this was so painful to listen to. Years of therapy and self help and I still get a stomachache!!! Thanks for posting.

[@dylanmilks]

Great talk. And also a great Biblical teaching at the end. Thank you Tim!

[@tammyhiatt1804]

I wish that I would have never been born. My childhood was awful! I am fighting everyday to survive. Ugh! I always thought it was me with the problem. Listening to these videos says differently but the pain and memories are so deep, raw, and very much alive 47 years later.

[@World-Sojourner.22]

❤️☮️ Thank you so much for teaching about CPTSD. I am very late in realizing my life and role in an abusive family. I had to live with and care for my abusive mother the last year of her life. I was a wreck by the time she died. That was in December of 2022. It was then I learned about the narcissism spectrum; and finally began to learn about my life. I’m doing better, learned a lot. My anger has subsided, however, even though I understand that both of my parents were damaged like they damaged me and my sister, I can’t get to forgiveness. All I felt when my parents died was relief. Not grief. I’ve just realized I’m a perfectionist. Hmm. Big sigh. More work to do. It can be overwhelming at times. My prayers for all who are healing from this complicated condition. I haven’t driven for a decade. Failed my skills test. Beat myself up. Now I’m really scared to try again. 😮 ☮️❤️

[@Lyrielonwind]

I never learned to drive. Btw, many therapist say not everything can be forgiven and I think it's true. I think accepting is the closest to forgiveness so resentment is not a burden anymore. Sending love from Spain ❤

[@World-Sojourner.22]

@@Lyrielonwind 😊 Hello! Thank you for your comment. So you live in Spain? I love meeting people from different countries! I live in SW Oregon State. I’m still hoping to find a trauma informed therapist. I guess I want to forgive because I want to not carry these bad feelings anymore. I’m still angry at them! Sometimes I just walk around the house and say out loud all the things I wasn’t allowed to say to them. Feels kinda good. You never learned to drive? The shops etc. are so spread out here and our public transport system is not that great and early in the evening. Makes walking a bit difficult. I’m getting a bicycle next week! I’m so excited! Well, I hope your efforts towards healing are successful! ☮️❤️

[@Lyrielonwind]

@@World-Sojourner.22 I lived in Pittsburgh, San Francisco and Berkeley. I went there because I married a guy from Pitt. I divorced him because he was making my life miserable and came back to my country. Since then, I feel like a culture hybrid; I guess I have never felt I belong anywhere. I'm the scapegoat of my family and I realized my mother is a malignant narcissist in 2019; it broke my psyche. I just finished listening to Tim's video about forgiveness and I'm glad I left the town where my family lives. It took me around three years to leave the anger behind and I swore a whole bunch, I couldn't help it. Now I'm stuck in freeze response. I'm shut down and I don't know how long it going to last this grief process. For what I know, my mother is still alive but I don't know if my siblings will let me know neither how I will feel. I watch videos in English because in Spain complex trauma is almost unknown by therapist although I found one who does EMDR but I realized after a year he's a narcissist. It's funny his staff sent me a discount course to become a coach when I'm bed rotten trying to deal with my situation and a spoiled life. I wish I would found out sooner when I was younger. I'm still a narcissist magnet although now I see the red flags but it's discouraging not finding safe people. I also enjoy knowing about different cultures, arts, literature and I miss not being able to read as I used to; I was a voracious reader. Literature has been my refuge and I miss it. Wishing you the best to come and be patient. We are angry for good reasons but it's also way to avoid mourning for the family we never had. It helps me to take a look at a picture of me when I was five years old so I feel compassion for that little girl who is still inside me. Maybe it will help you too. 💜

[@World-Sojourner.22]

@@Lyrielonwind 🤪 Oh! I do know what you’re going through! A broken psyche, an excellent way to phrase the experience. I still remember the day mine broke. January 18, 2023. That’s the day I realized my sister was totally infected with narcissism. The delusion I had that mom, sis and I were solid in love completely burst. The good side of it was that I finally started to learn about my life in the hands of my sick care takers. What happened to my sister makes me so sad and angry too. Radical acceptance was a painful process for me and I’m still finding stuff I need to do that with! Truth is best, even if it’s painful. That’s when I started healing. Your mother is still with us. For myself, if I could do it over, I would have resolutely refused to live with and (try) to care for my mom. She was so sneaky mean, then would buy me something to ease her conscious. Just be careful for yourself when it’s your mom’s time to pass. I’ve been resolving a freeze plateau. I seem to improve for a while, but will get triggered either by the work I’m doing or my husband (who is also healing from CPTSD). Then I’m stuck for awhile, battling the inner critic that sounds like mom. I’m currently making myself walk and prep food, do EFT and yoga Nidra to tone my Vagus nerve (this breathing/meditation technique really reduces anxiety). I also am working on balancing my energy meridians. They are all funked-up! 🙄. I feel I belong when I’m in the wilderness, or among animals and most children. I suppose if one is raised not being accepted by one’s own parents; why would that person be able to feel accepted anywhere? Talk about messing up how a kid feels about herself! I didn’t feel accepted at school. Especially as a child as I was teased every day until 4th grade (for some reason it subsided then). I’ve realized the masks I wore and how hard I tried to “be” what others expected. I still don’t know who I am exactly and I was NEVER taught how to do boundaries other than how to maneuver through the mine field of my family’s fragile egos, and that required more masks. Hmm, I should make paper mache masks representing the various roles employed for my survival! I’ll try some art therapy! So much to do. Well, thank you for replying. It does feel nice to discuss our lives, which were just so wrong. I get discouraged and need encouragement. I get hung up on my age, thinking it’s too late…but that’s mom talking. Her motto was “Better living through denial.” 😵‍💫. Being the truth teller, it’s no wonder they scapegoated me! I remember having heated arguments with the parents about their racism when I was a young kid! I got slapped a lot, but they never shut me up! Yay little Linda! I’ll close now. Keep praying, move as much as you can, and keep working on your healing! ❤️☮️

[@Lyrielonwind]

@@World-Sojourner.22 I don't even think I was wearing a mask, I had no other chance to survive but shrinking. I'm not surprised by my back aches and I frequently find my shoulder up, close to my ears. I had to develop a people's pleasing behavior, I was punished for no reasons too often. If that is a mask, it must be because I couldn't be true self which, by the way, I don't know what is my true self and I have come to realize that many traits I have are only trauma responses. The amount of physical, psychological and emotional problems I have to deal with is overwhelming and in my country you can't talk about narcissistic abuse; they think you are crazy talking about normal behavior. Good luck in your process and take care.

[@ArteGrata]

It's amazing how every single and simple sentence here, said by Tim, ressonates as a big statement in my life. It feels to me as if each phrase, separated, could become a whole lecture. A huge Thank you, once again, for bringing light to this. With much respect, from Brazil 🇧🇷💫

[@scottmartinez1748]

Thank you so very much. I'm 54 and I feel like a child again watching your series that feel like you are talking directly to me. The tears in my eyes are filled with love shame and gratitude. This is painful to my soul to watch but it's a life experience I'm looking forward to having.

[@mehaknayeem106]

This guy knows me really well

[@robinjohnson4828]

I just began this series and I was this person in the past and am in the working through the 🙏healing process.

[@morganmayfair4755]

Today I am just learning the other face of perfectionism. The one you wouldn’t think was perfectionistic because it doesn’t look like Perfect at all.

[@unanaspig]

Unperfect is my choice! Wow. So powerful.

[@shelteredsparrow2736]

Great video. Great message

[@farid6072]

Thank you for this!

[@bevsofroniuk1193]

Thankful to have found this 'teaching'... I score high on 'perfectionism' ...

[@wicked1172]

"perfectionists are controlled by fear",

[@JoanFFF]

Perfectionism is slowly ruining my life no joke. I practice by letting things be in a non perfect way.

[@wmm8715]

Anyone else embody literally every single one of these perfectionist characteristics… 😅

[@johnjohnson5930]

I have so many issues man. Ugh. I just want to overcome and move forward. Never that easy. Ever.

[@ichbinmich1]

so powerful! thank you.

[@deborahlincoln-strange622]

Wow, what a fantastic lecture! THANK YOU so much!

[@gulliver7419]

It would have been good to hear the Apathy part because I fluctuate between Perfectionism and apathy.

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

Do you not start things at all because you don’t think you’ll ever be able to make them as good as the image in your brain?

[@sawdustadikt979]

The biggest thing I got out of this, which there was many, is that what I look at as a mediocre pursuit of life is the other side of the same coin that is perfectionism. The first thing that comes to mind is 1- (me)I want to climb the biggest hill I can see, I may not make it to the top but I’d like the ability to try. 2(someone else) I will climb that small hill and shout from the top to everyone that it is the biggest hill ever climbed by anyone, weather they want to hear it or not. They are both from the same motivation from what I understand here. That’s a paradigm shift right there. I’m a self employed carpenter, efficiently executing perfectionism is monetarily rewarded by customers that value it.

[@BinaBubblegum]

10:50 I'd like to add on to the list from self experience that 1. shame and the question what is wrong with me could also lead to self hatred and 2. for me my brain a. thought "nobody will ever like me" so the solution was that I just isolated myself from others and b. settled on what's the one thing you care about and you good at. And when I wasn't satisfied with my work who else would be? Also also I'm really bad at reciving compliments because I thought so little of myself. Because they just try to be nice and they're over exaggerating or in the worst case they lie because either to make fun of me or to manipulate me

[@Crazydoglady.]

EXCELLENT!👏🏻👏🏻

[@Flowers0178]

Thank you! 💯

[@marikacucchiarini1448]

Thank you, it's so precious

[@joygwin6673]

this video is one of his best!!!

[@sharvanders6888]

I needed to hear this

[@manalfakhreddine2977]

Thank you great heart great give

[@ozge3938]

I am so perfectionist that I search for part 1 of complex trauma series to be in order and learn everything. Anyone else? 😅

[@thefamilyyoutubeaccount3606]

There must be varying degrees of this. I feel my perfectionism has been so useful - it drives me on and I have total control over it. Then he nailed it at 23:48. I hit most of the healthy boxes but still have some fairly rigid rules and high standards.

[@markrusso8546]

Thank you Tim

[@hankhill3417]

All of us are operating from our wounds. EVERYONE! The only thing different is some hide it better

[@getnetalemu4427]

Thank you.

[@gardenjoy5223]

At about 23: 11 he starts to explain the difference between fearful perfectionism and healthy strive for an optimum. He's got very good points there. It's like a checklist. Someone can quickly monitor herself to see where she is.

[@joygwin6673]

love the Christian part

[@kleinfritzchen3226]

Only 14 of them resonated with me! Great result. ;)

[@camilabomfim2234]

Thanks!

[@danielduckworth3100]

Well finally one I don’t see myself in at all. First time this has happened 😂

[@mariasavelieva4713]

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

[@shiningstar4791]

Thank you🌻🌅❤

[@TIOLIOfficial]

6:58 - Absolutely correct.

[@TIOLIOfficial]

18:17 - My perfectionism characteristics are like Pokemon - gotta catch 'em all! That was ~30/31.

[@TIOLIOfficial]

24:05 - Right in the center...

[@theresacane6564]

Dang it, now I gotta perfect at imperfection.😫

[@BrutafulStudios01]

I am currently going through my mid life crisis and walking away from the business I created 25 years ago. I have gotten more out of this thirty minute Tim Fletcher video then I have with my therapist the last six months. My question is, What is the best way to find a therapist that is effective and teaches in this Time Fletcher manner?

[@manometras]

I can easily allow myself to be not perfect in what I won’t see assessed by others, and when I don’t risk to be shamed and reprimanded.

[@hartsm76]

I'll take it as a positive and hopeful sign that I find the road of excellence more visually appealing. 😁

[@davidstein250]

Where can I find a complete list of all 60? I do groups at a drug rehab center and would LOVE to use this as a handout!

[@TimFletcher]

www.timfletcher.ca

[@davidstein250]

@@TimFletcher Ty so much for doing this and your help! This lists to #33. Can you point me to 34 to 60 if possible? I would love to be a Patron but I cant afford 120/yr until I get a job (unemployed now) lol. Ty again Tim and G-d bless!

[@iamkingjade101]

Ok, *sigh* im ready!

[@JustJ-Me]

21:12 Resonates with me so much. Might as well say it fits "perfectly". Funny, not funny. 😶☹😟😕

[@PainfullyMeAmandaLe]

Wow, nobody has ever described me as spot on as this.

[@jeannieneuser5316]

I know, Amanda, when I first listened to Tim, I was struck that I had never met him, and yet he just explained my whole childhood, and really my whole life. Sending lots of positive thoughts, and lots of love. You can heal whatever wounds you're carrying. 💖

[@PainfullyMeAmandaLe]

@@jeannieneuser5316 I have watched so many videos that very broadly describe me but this guy was spot on! Like he’s explaining and teaching me about me, mind blown! I’m just beginning my journey, thank you for the kind words.

[@jeannieneuser5316]

@@PainfullyMeAmandaLe, knowledge is power. And, once you know how you tick and why, you will be forever changed (for the better). By simply knowing that "a thing is a thing", it gets a lot easier. I felt the same, listening to him, as if he knew everything that had ever happened to me. There is something so healing, too, about the feeling of being understood in that way. I'm so happy that you found Tim. He is a Blessing, for sure. 😊 And you, my dear, are on your way. You've got this. 💪✨💗

[@AZekO7]

I needed that, thank you. Also wondering if Tim has gone through some of these or just based on his research?

[@bluemargo1]

The perfectionism part is so relatable and there are 59 other characteristics so I start to wonder if there are any people without cPTSD and if cPTSD should just be called childhood because it seems noone got it right. 😢

[@TIOLIOfficial]

18:17 - My perfectionism characteristics are like Pokemon - gotta catch 'em all! That was ~30/31.

[@oksanan.6466]

Watched parts 2, 3, and now this part 1. Why, why is this all about me? I have all these traits. It's terrible. I can't get anything done, and I always feel like I am failing, if something isn't perfect then I feel like I am failing, it's so true. I hate my parents honestly for fucking me up this much.

[@JacksTestimony]

I don't have perfectionism, the abuser wants me to have perfectionism and if I don't have perfectionism then I get abused more for not being perfect more than others who give in and have more perfectionism than I do.

[@elsewherehouse]

Can anyone suggest any resources regarding Developmental Trauma Disorder?

[@wheresisgod2295]

That’s me! 😭😭

[@Captain_Pink]

Ironically I've always maintained that I'm not a perfectionist because I'm too much of a failure to be a perfectionist.

[@amberfahr5992]

Im my experience..its whatever area people have said things and shamed them on

[@pumrelfurius6524]

Amen

[@iamfictionarts925]

but what if I don't want to end up like those people who don't want to change because "this is who i am" and end up hurting people around them

[@butterflysiebenacht]

Thank you - I Now discovered I am a perfectionist… 😮 I think ,my life is just a big failure. I now I can do so much better but I do not get it done. I am 46 and wondering why I just achieve not a single goal,,,

[@jenndel4]

I wish! My mom or dad had that much interest in us!I I was a bother a mistake, as I was told! My identical twin was the best , golden child, my brother, younger, was also. I was scapegoat, black sheep. When it came to cleaning, and everything had to be in perfect order the way she wanted it. We were slaves, and if 1 towel was out of place in the linen closet, watch out!! Etc all bad. Narsisstic mother emotionally unavailable father

[@gofai274]

Damn wish it could be so normal for me, for me there are trillions of dimensions to like every word of this. Even gifted issues that most .pdfs talk seemed always to me so common for gifted as i had this archetypical vision of giftedness and could understand it seamlessly yet this set didn't contain me at all. I Am so idiosyncratic i don't really belong anywhere and have extreme trouble relating with anyone under 160IQ...

[@Karshaastro369]

The definition of being a Virgo

[@indigosmyth7475]

Omg I thought (subconsciously) this was a 'good way to be' because you can 'always get shiit done' that it was a positive rather than a negative, I just realised how harshly you judge yourself with perfectionism is how you judge everyone else & thatfalse guilt is fkn exhaisting..the penny has jsutt dropped for me😢

[@MP-mw9ph]

How do you distinguish perfectionism from trauma, from autism spectrum disorders, and from the combination of the two?

[@alabama.worley]

During assessments with the use of psychological inventories performed by a licensed mental health professional, preferably one who specializes in the area(s) you mentioned.

[@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

”How did you do?” Horrible 😅 Getting all of your behavior in your face makes me realize how exhausting it is to try to be perfect all the time. Wow, I didn't know it affected my life so much.

[@agirlisnoone5953]

Sounds like you're describing OCD as well

[@kelseyhoag2635]

More like OCPD if anything, because OCD is accompanied by scary/violent intrusive thoughts, visions, and urges that scare the patient into performing routines that may or may not make any sense to make the images stop. And even of the patient acknowledges the compulsions make no sense, they can't stop because of the fear of the thoughts/images/urges.

[@simonharvey2358]

damn, I am 10 minutes into this and all these traits seems like good things..... how do i get myself some complex trauma?

[@SonamSingh-sp6ey]

💙

[@yveqeshy]

talk about a read starting 11:51 - 20:27 😯😯

[@HoshikawaHikari]

Sounds pretty much like my drawing life