60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 13/33 - Trust Issues

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Many people who have experienced Complex Trauma struggle with trust because they have been let down, lied to and betrayed so much by people they thought they could trust. But trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. How does one heal so that they can trust again?
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[@skinnypete3104]

As an agnostic who grew up with a physically abusive father who was also a pastor - and many church people who looked away from all the bruises and scars me my mother and siblings had- I have extreme trust issues learning from anyone associated with the church. But this man is the exception. He feels safe and I appreciate his lectures not being based around religion whom many of us have trauma around, and leaves that for the end for those that appreciate having a spiritual presence with their healing. It allows us all to be included

[@lukedegraaf1186]

I get the same thing. Hes example for Christians, therapists, and then some.

[@JillCee]

I am so sorry you went through that. I went through something similar where those in the church just turned away. Just so you know, Matt 25:31-46, the Bible strongly condemns such behavior of turning away from those in need. Just because people are in church does not mean they actually follow Christ. We can see it by their actions.

[@Relayzy1]

Yeah i totally agree, if say the religious stuff would off been at the start or mix in, i wouldn't get anything from it. ( I'm more spiritual) he's very profound and helpful in making me understand what i already know...

[@Sunmoonstars976]

Wth?! Why am I only finding this man @ 51 years old? He has explained why all my relationships have failed. I've had GAD/panic attacks and depression for 25 years and never understood why. I've always believed it was a chemical imbalance, but I really believe it's due to trauma.

[@litrugia]

This is your awakening. I had this experience last year after my Mum died. Now my whole life makes sense.

[@melkorb3341]

Really enlightening, thank you. We've all heard "You have to learn to trust people" over and over but nobody explains practically what that entails. You did a great job of that, and also adding in that we have to become trustworthy ourselves. It's such an obvious but overlooked point

[@endriandri7914]

Can't tell you how many times I heard that. I'm sure we all would do it if it would be so simple....

[@leahflower9924]

Yeah but if they break trust even one time then it threatens our survival mechanisms

[@mknels1299]

Ditto, surrendering you will win

[@lukedegraaf1186]

My problem is I've trusted the wrong people, and not trusted some good ones. I can't tell who to trust, I don't trust myself to work out who to trust, so I stay alone, and that's gonna make things worse, but so will trusting the wrong people again 😅😢

[@cfnaround1585]

You should talk about trust with avoidant people. It’s so easy to break their trust, just trying to talk to them about your emotions shuts them down

[@echofoxtrot2.051]

They say "my experience is the truth". I choked on my own throat. How do you invent these profound phrases? I'm talking, you keep making me stop mid-what I'm doing to actually fully attend to what you're saying because it resonates like you're hitting me in the head with a cymbal of reality.

[@lauralucio314]

You have a very well structured way of explaining the issues surrounding trauma. You have been very helpful. Many thanks for doing these talks.

[@elizabethy2912]

I've been watching this man's therapy sessions, and have learned more than I ever realized, I needed to know. Nuclear family - toxic, husband - toxic. Today- free, and starting to disseminate and acknowledge all the pain. At times it feels like too much, but Jesus has led me throughout all of it!! I still have hope and Joy!!

[@palobar9974]

I cannot find the words to say thank you for all the wonderful videos you have created. You are the best!

[@jpj5635]

THIS IS A LIFE CHANGING TEACHING

[@tmking7483]

For me as an adult_ who was severly abused as a child_ I only trust anothers behavior compared to their words. I only believe behavior. Words are cheap.

[@g.s.632]

True words are cheap. I agree with you.

[@digitalsamurai42]

Actions speak louder than words. Words don't say much at all.

[@mettacine]

I'm realizing this too late in my marriage. Actions are the truth.

[@song4mozart]

How do I trust again? - Trust is built on evidence (cortex), not my feelings (limbic) - trust vs confidence- this is where I fail. My anxiety increases so much, and this is the stage where I deliberately find something so that i can say AH HAH! I knew it! so that I can feel justified in pushing him away.

[@maryanncarrigan1526]

Thank you so very much for your help and your guidance on complex trauma. I am slowly making progress. Unfortunately I am most severe survivor and suffering countless alters. I'm grateful finding you.🙏

[@paulsletten8985]

The lord has blessed you Tim.

[@valeriebutler908]

It's tough listening to this as a parent knowing I'm on both sides of this. I'm so grateful to be learning from you 🙏🏽

[@georgiakritikos4955]

Sir , in the best country in the world for freedom & liberty , I'm glad we are on this platform to show & prove ❤trust begins in our selves ❤spill the beans on , slavery by consente 💯🎥🎬

[@georgiakritikos4955]

Pick Pockets markets by products for HAZOURD LIFESTYLE ❤STAY AWAY FROM ❤TRUST YOURSELF FIRST

[@georgiakritikos4955]

Slavery by consente ❤must be the worste jail cell, ❤ever

[@georgiakritikos4955]

Good Job ❤Sir

[@7064000324]

I am not religious, nor am I very familiar with the bible. But Tim, I always stay and listen to the christian portion, it is refreshing to listen to the wisdom in the stories. Thanks for helping to shine light on this mysterious and important topic.

[@faithhopelove7286]

Man of GOD ALMIGHTY, thank you. 🙇‍♀️

[@LOVEISTRUTH300]

Yes. I always say he is LOVE💖💖💖

[@JMSsssssss]

Interesting about trust and love, and having that contradicted in childhood. I've never considered it in the way you presented it, so thank you. I didn't actually experience the feeling of being loved in my family. I knew intellectually that my mother loved me, though I don't believe my father did. I don't remember actually hearing the words. I am actually uncomfortable saying it, and I wonder if I actually do feel love for anyone, family included, and if I'm uncomfortable because it feels like a lie. Except my dog, who I love more than anything. I feel like I was robbed of that ability.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Boy can I relate to this! Though I have come to realize that is our black and white thinking again… people can “love” you while also hurting you. Two things can be true at once. Idk but it seems like we basically have this idea that love should be almost perfect, and it isn’t. Love comes with all sorts of pain and disappointment, but the key is that pain and disappointment does mean the love doesn’t exist. Love is when the good outweighs the bad, but it doesn’t mean there is no bad.❤

[@DinaTous]

I attract to people like myself. I was very picky with my friend group. I have always been a truthful person and expected truth in my friendships. I refused to be like my parent. I’m 59 and still have many of those childhood friendships. And they are as solid as a rock.

[@sunnygirl9691]

Tim’s information is THE BEST. Thank you for sharing 🙌🏼

[@elliottkatane]

Thank you so much for all these valuable information. It helps me understand and reflect back differently. But it also makes me feel very angry to have been gaslit

[@iw9338]

Excellent teaching,helped me to take a hard look at my response to stress. Thanks Tim.

[@overarainbowov7520]

I appreciate your talks very much. Thanks for recording them.

[@123chupachups]

This series is a monumental work👏 respect

[@tmking7483]

God knows what happened to us. Hes always been with me through the childhood fires _ showed me the apple trees and water for nourishment.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Yeah, seems to me that he is the one ultimately responsible for it.

[@bajkerjohnvolta]

That was very eye opening. I'm coming from Balkans and trust here is very bad. What was said here sounded almost like fantasy.

[@TheBillaro]

I would love to hear a lecture on rejection. It's something we all fear, especially coming from CT.

[@marty4268]

another excellent friday night talk. thanks

[@hopehilstad369]

Thank you! God Bless you and your family!

[@heathergarves8845]

It is so soothing to listen to you. Thank you so much for covering this topic! Wish you were my parent! Great content.❤

[@emmanuelledenfert-bariani8144]

Thanks you for these insightful teachings, so precious!

[@kimberlybrink1400]

Finally some answers. Thank you so much!

[@fionagrant2023]

54 years of Cptsd 💔

[@ildikovisolit2014]

I have been betrayed by nearly everyone I know. I’m really trying to work on my trust issues. I only have 2 friends and an online love whom I desperately trying to trust without being told by others that I’m gullible and crazy for falling into the trap of trusting against my inner intuition

[@windrock]

What a re learning talk. Im working through much of what you spoke of. And realising that my radar was on point but i never listened. Wow.

[@Lemoncare]

Thank you for helping me.

[@shelteredsparrow2736]

Wonderful handling of Romans 8:28

[@drsandhyathumsikumar4479]

So precious and helpful clarify much appreciared

[@kathyramos8276]

This was just amazing ❤

[@mi6432]

Thank you, these videos help me a lot!

[@lifeofmim]

That was very excellent content. Thank you so much Tim!

[@song4mozart]

My parents gaslit me all the time when I was a child. When i did something wrong as a child, they beat me and said I deserved it, and made me apologize for making them angry. I love my parents. They apologized when I was an adult and admitted what they did was abusive, but it was too late. I have forgiven them - they have since passed on - but I need to parent my inner child and love her. In turn, I have eroded trust with my partner when I react, become overly-suspicious, accuse, push them away. When I'm in a happy relationship, I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Unlike many, I share everything I feel. I tell him that I'm scared and why I'm scared. After 7 months together, he broke up with me because of these destructive patterns. I understand he loves me, but my reactions and accusations are scary. I just wanted him to stand by me through therapy instead of breaking up with me. He said he wants to wait for me, but he is leaving it in God's hands. He is a beautiful person, and I miss him. Although, my trust issues are still there.

[@Relayzy1]

You need to work on yourself and health, nobody can do it for you, but you already did the first step, keep walking lady... ✌

[@newbieme2731]

Excellent!

[@marcusjwilliams1974]

Excellent

[@UnapologeticGen]

thank you. help me alot

[@Lunasdad88]

Thank you Tim

[@Muttan007]

Thank you so much ❤️🙏❤️

[@ildikovisolit2014]

I have to say that without faith and belief in God and the power of prayer I believe I wouldn’t still be alive. So despite complex trauma. I still trust God. And honestly I’m not sure why but I trust in my love of 4 years online more and more. I’m really trying❤ to

[@theoracle5265]

Every thing you said about eroding trust All of those things happened to me as a child and for 37 years married to my exwife

[@Relayzy1]

Porn happened to you as a child?

[@JM-ie1bi]

Thank you for the last part.

[@mitche5007]

The foundation of our relationship with God is trust🙏

[@paulruss1436]

Amazing

[@kasspriscilla9350]

Abuse any kind of abuse violation trust in relationships

[@monkeybone6843]

Feel like some of these are over the top, idk I do me and if that affects your trust for me. I feel like that’s your problem.

[@rabbster7]

Could you explain more about what it actually means to operate out of your cortex rather than the limbic brain? I'm not sure exactly how I do that... Just would like that to be explained more. Thanks.

[@user-qm8bc4bu1t]

I should have the most trust issues but i think some psycho isn't worth hurting over.

[@dakine4238]

This is very informative. I have cptsd and deal with extreme fatigue and disinterest in life any videos on that?

[@shadowfax9177]

I too have the same thing. The unrelenting fatigue and lack of motivation is killing me. I wish he had a topic on this.

[@vinozarazzi5633]

Please speak to WHO and "Trust"

[@sll110]

when I am hearting you, I am triggered too much to dying

[@olivervilassuarez7893]

Lighthouse in the Darkness…..Amen 🙏

[@wastedanalogues8991]

Why do I love my partner and stay with him for 6 years, he did and does every single thing on the list of things that break trust. Every single one.... secretive at times, has thrown me under the bus a couple times, does anything to win , and tells white lies, and talks about himself and says he cares so much bit then doesn't listen to my needs or struggles, had many times beem so inconsistent, has porn addiction, self indulge, never takes accountability when he will say really cruel thjngs to me, and I take care of him i. Huge ways, he doesn't give me thanks , he lies and is hypocritical. What is wrong with me... that i believe him about loving me and wanting to become better and stops his reckless behaviors.. but turns so fast.. but when things are good, we are best friends and he is getting better now at communicating, amd respecting me... I absolutely have pushed him away to a point of an awareness I deserve so much better... he grew up being abused with gas lighting and neglect and all types of bad things.. but he became like them..

[@PracticalChristianWarfare]

Look up trauma-bonding and narcissists

[@Relayzy1]

How does porn betray trust? That personal, question would be why is it needed in the first place?!

[@boxelder9167]

I hear what you are saying but I am still not sure if I can trust it. 🤔

[@larondabourn858]

Actually, now that I think about it, the most important thing may be to trust YOURSELF-to discern how trustworthy someone is, to be wise with what you share, to notice when they’ve no longer trustworthy & walk away, take notes, and to be strong enough to know that you are capable without them. It’s personally more about me than it usually is about them. However! There are those who can con anyone-let that stuff go! 😉

[@leahflower9924]

Good one 😅

[@Lemoncare]

Ha! It’s invisible.

[@pegagonza3784]

May you give me permission to make a Spanish video of this explanation ?? ❤❤ I thank you so very much for sharing this information

[@user-ku5vm5jb1h]

This video describes narcissists. Living with one

[@shahilagh]

Most people show over time they are not trust worthy! What are you talking about?!!😊

[@digitalsamurai42]

Lol yes I think modern days it's basically most people nowadays due to life being too difficult and too overwhelming.

[@shahilagh]

@@digitalsamurai42 it has been always like this since Adam and Eve had their two sons

[@Britt3334]

Yeah bc we’re all going to mess up eventually so it’s about what you can trust with. I may not be a cheater but bad with money for example. AND people who trust no one usually are also very untrustworthy. You should start with being trustworthy yourself

[@digitalsamurai42]

Can you focus more on solutions? I'm getting so overwhelmed by all of the info and learning how fucked up I am. It's too much. Focus on solutions in bite sizes.

[@theraptureisnearbelieveinj448]

God gives everyone the free will to do good, or to do evil. Rewards for good, and consequences for evil are up to God, and may, or may not be delivered in this lifetime. Better to be consequenced for evil in this life, than in the next! Even better still, is to repent of your sins, and go and sin no more! (John 8:11) Revelation 22:11 (KJV) He that is unjust, let him be unjust still: and he which is filthy, let him be filthy still: and he that is righteous, let him be righteous still: and he that is holy, let him be holy still. ✝️

[@digitalsamurai42]

Hey let's create a species, not give them the tools they need to be "good", then judge them for ETERNITY for being "bad". Muahahahah I can't think of a more sinister fucked up thing to do. Humans added punishment to the bible for manipulation purposes, not God. I think humans wrote the Bible and they fucked it up, and God isn't doing anything about it. Letting us all suffer. I guess we should just say "thank for our suffering" and then die. Think about it, why create a species then literally 99% of them go to hell, since they don't do x, y, z. What is the purpose in that? Is he trying to create a super discipline species and he only loves them?

[@destroyraiden]

damn I got a 9/36 and my sister got 21/36 no wonder I've got issues trusting her and she me!

[@marilynnelson4718]

Where do you get these numbers?

[@Sproutgoodnight1161]

Please read Deuteronomy 28.

[@Quasihamster]

"I will be loving even when I don't feel like it." Sorry but that does NOT make someone trustworthy in my eyes. I can tell they're faking it. That's really just what the pseudo-loving parents describes earlier did.

[@song4mozart]

This 31:47

[@mariaolsrud7346]

Trust in God not people.

[@BrigitteGoodman]

The moment you started to babble about god I stopped listening. Whst a bs.

[@DanielMOFO]

Listening to your vids make me hate my parents more and more every day.

[@digitalsamurai42]

Love is the antidote. Do you think they hated you? Or were they just ignorant? If ignorance, why hate that?

[@DanielMOFO]

Ignorant or not. Every adult is accountable for their own actions.

[@jeanmearns7068]

You need to try and forgive them going forward in your life to heal.

[@Relayzy1]

​@@jeanmearns7068this sucks so much but is true.