60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 24/33 - Fear of Change

[@the.kai.eros.experience]

I just want to shout out love to everyone in this comment section. We’ve all come from various backgrounds. We all are likely experiencing overwhelming pain which has led to us researching this, and how to heal. It is the most intense road imaginable. We are true warriors and we will make it through. No matter how long it takes or how much we stumble. We will make it. Please don’t shame yourself.

[@ruthduran7395]

I am proud of myself, I have gone through a lot, I am enough, and I am loved. Thank you for your post.

[@janetklumper6048]

Thank you so much!!!

[@the.kai.eros.experience]

@@ruthduran7395 🙏🫂♥️

[@the.kai.eros.experience]

@@janetklumper6048 🙏🫂♥️

[@benitobasurto1]

Thank you😢

[@FrolickerFashions]

I've been listening to you for a couple of weeks. You are doing a great service to humanity by sharing your articulate understanding and a WAY OUT! You are giving people their life back. Invaluable. Thank you, Tim.

[@Dyan.S61]

Omgosh, for the first time in my 62 years, i feel like im normal. Normal in the sense that after the family i grew up with, i finally relate! Im a broken doll, but its not my fault. Im a survivor.

[@rickysmith5123]

How does this guy know so much about me? When I feel panicked an have anxiety flooding brain. I started listening to this great man. An it brings me to a few conclusions. We're just starting to touch the surface how real CPTSD actually is.... And that I'm not alone an there more ppl out there with CPTSD than I thought. God Bless Everyone of us. An I hope you all find a happy, safe place where you can feel free! BTC?

[@OSEGREDODESHERAZADE]

Same here...

[@mattng4707]

I know ... I'm like indulging in a dozen of his vids the past week

[@andziagreen4922]

Thank you🤗 loads of love to all of us who didn't know we do it to ourselves subconsciously

[@liegesaboya33]

Our civilization is a trauma per se, so everyone gets traumatized with a really small rare exception of persons

[@rachelrachelflossiehotmailcom]

You too!!

[@robbingcars9140]

“Well welcome to another Friday night” is a very comforting thing to keep hearing as I watch all these videos

[@susanmercurio1060]

Thank you for explaining why I hate change so much. In the 1960s, my friends said that life was change and I rejected it. It wasn't until my late middle age that I realized that my first introduction to change was when my father died before I was three years old. The next change in my life that I remember was being removed from the city where I grew up, with all of my relatives - my support group - to move to a new city hundreds of miles away with a man that my sister and I hated. It took me that long to realize that my friends might have been talking about change that you initiate. Judith Lewis Herman says in her book Trauma and Recovery that the traumatized person needs to feel in control because control of the situation was taken away from them during the trauma. This is the explanation for fear of change: you're not in control.

[@sarahjane8932]

I wish I had this information 30 years ago, I am glad to see these things are being more widely spoke about. I am grateful for therapist and people like you who are giving out this information it helps me understand myself better.. Thank you

[@olentangyriver1191]

I'm in the same place 😢

[@drshabnamnazir1573]

Omg this person knows everything possible,a cptsd person could go through

[@debbietodd8547]

You nailed that one, I have always been hyper tuned in to every nuance in my environment. I moved 13 times by the time I was 18 and grew up with an alcoholic father, oldest of 4 kids. I literally cannot function in the world if my home base is not secure. I hate renting, which I'm doing now, landlord can toss you out anytime. I need roots to cope with the world. A safe home is my rock, my retreat from the world. All I can manage is getting through the basics day to day and even that's a challenge. change? i just freeze😕

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

♥

[@trosckey]

somehow it so poetic..

[@ARA-ee9yr]

We are all stronger than we think. Each time we realize how much pain we were in and still are in, the soul feels relief. I can’t lie and say that healing is easy, because it is the most difficult thing I‘ve ever encountered. But I still want to find the beauty in it. Wishing you all what you wish for yourselves. Sending love ❤️

[@mandohoney]

and Jesus said....dont worry about tomorrow...deal with the evil of today...there you go folks....have some strength and endurance...youre lucky if things change...life is horrible when you cant change...thats worse....way worse

[@PinkWillow1]

He is amazing...I literally feel like he lives in my head. I can relate to all of his videos.

[@StellaMae777]

This resonated so much. I am so glad I'm not alone. Even slight changes cause me tremendous stress and upset.

[@chooselovetoday]

Me too...any little thing!

[@sll110]

angel, tim, Please continue, Because you are saving lives

[@ZeCahli]

God bless you. You’ve saved my life tonight - thank you.

[@bibianalopez8395]

Having so many issues with my husband after 20 years of marriage, after a stress event we have struggling with so many communication issues and going through your videos I can see the reason of why we do struggle. I do believe of change I want to change and grow. I have been looking inside myself and questioning my behavior, however my husband does not see the reason why to change and can not accept anything that comes from me and feels it as an attack and criticism. It is so hard that the person that I have shared my life with, does not trust and can not see what is going on.... he refuses to watch any videos about trauma or behavior, instead he avoids anything that have to be with resolution or feelings... stuck in this cycle for a year. I have been praying and asking God to guide me and give me the strength to take a decision if he does not commit to our family and see that change is the only way to have a safe and healthy family.

[@mommalion7028]

I hope God reaches out to your husband and illuminates what you are trying to say. :)

[@bibianalopez8395]

@@mommalion7028 Thanks so much 🙏

[@daveo9844]

He has a very closed mind. If he truly cared about you he would at least give new things a try to improve the situation for both of you. My mother has suffered a similar fate to yours and at the end of the day just wasn’t strong enough to change anything for the better (or leave my father). Wish you well, but it sounds like you are possibly stuck at a fork in the relationship road.

[@bibianalopez8395]

💗Thank you

[@bibianalopez8395]

thank you💗

[@giddygrace2381]

In a way. When listening to this, it is very healing.

[@sealily6015]

Thank you Tim for giving me more insight into my behaviour. Thank you too for adding the Christian bit.

[@LifeIsLoveSchool]

Thank you for sharing your wisdom!

[@jenneve6101]

Dissociation is were I go. For hours and hours & have a hyper radar.

[@Steph-lo9sj]

I hate when someone wants me to go with them somewhere in a car if they are driving, I feel like I don't have control of where I am or when I can leave. I feel trapped it makes me anxious. I hate it. I need control of my surroundings at all times

[@claireh.7605]

Wow I’m the same! I hate being driven somewhere unless I’m in a taxi

[@Indigo_outlaw]

Same, I don't feel safe with others driving, and I want to always be able to leave when I want.

[@funshinebear4822]

I think that's fair. You have the option to take a ride share service if you want or need to. If you can't for whatever reason, maybe decline.

[@zarakolasinska3438]

I am the same..if someone drives I feel so unsafe. I am literally sweating with fear of a accident happening. Plus I feel trapped. I want to travel more alone but fear always stops me. I really want to go to NYC to visit a friend, but I hold myself back because of fear.

[@theresewalters1696]

Can relate. It usually ends up a longer ride than I expected. Instead of one destination it ends up being 5 places and I feel like a hostage.

[@Ruby-wise]

This is precisely where I am in life. Mates health is declining rapidly, finances are dwindling, housing costs and medical bill are rising, and here we are. I’m no longer confident that my future is secure or that I’ll have adequate support. Change is inevitable, and yet…..

[@8no1likeme-infinitestar65]

I just found your channel and am so greatful...THANK YOU!!!, I don't feel so alone now...much love & light to all you beautiful souls, I hope you all find out just how amazing you all truly are☮💜☯️🙏

[@iw9338]

Thank you Tim, great teaching. God will never leave me nor forsake me. Blessings to you.

[@davidnorman2134]

Thanks for this presentation, it hits home to me

[@rehabhassan6039]

Thank you so much for sharing these videos

[@Ugh460]

I stumbled upon these videos and EVERYTHING resonates. Wow thank you

[@katwilsey1250]

I'm amazed at how well you know me! Thank you for these videos! I'm just now understanding/feeling how much more healing I have to do. I've been watching 2-4 videos a day. I subscribed last Tues.

[@sheryllmoyer1194]

I love this part. Thank you so much Tim Fletcher!!

[@jasonarnold933]

Two things soldiers hate. Change, and the way things are!

[@ilsevanheerden4976]

I have CPTSD but I LOVE change. I change countries, which includes new job, colleagues, environment, culture, every few years. Already planning my next move again. It makes me feel alive and I love learning new languages. Can anyone relate?

[@KathleenEdge]

An unpredictable life makes for a resilient person who can survive anything. I'm not saying this is a good thing.... I'm just saying I grew up like this and I am a warrior.

[@debbietodd8547]

I believe this is only true for some people, in my case not so much. I moved 9 times by the time I was 6 yrs. old and had an alcoholic father. Nothing was predictable. I am anything but resilient, fall apart when I have to move or in the face of any change for that matter. I listen to Tim and feel like he's been following me around my whole life.

[@AurelienCarnoy]

Can that person survive peace? I think not.

[@celesterichards1663]

It comes with it's own set of side effects, I thought exactly this too, but have come to realize that ultimately warriors end up dying on the battlefield....And I so desperately want to live again

[@januarybaby]

No offense but why are you watching this video if you don't struggle with this set of problems ?

[@brendadeatherage4543]

​@@AurelienCarnoy Good point. So, that means so much stress going on that they cannot handle it when it's gone?

[@winnifredcox]

Thank you so much for sharing. Love from the Netherlands

[@barbaraeddy5725]

Ty this was so me I have adjustment disorder and traumax

[@sonyakayoftheusa2615]

Trusting someone enough to make a change is terrifying to me.

[@sandyavalos3305]

Fr fr p

[@trev777]

Your videos are great.Thank you

[@lisawanderess]

Ugh you mention the 50th birthday. I spent mine all alone crying with nobody to celebrate it with because my family totally rejected me. 😢

[@mario31635]

I send love ❤️ to you ❤ Happy Birthday 🎉

[@mandohoney]

Happy 50th Lisa...dont cry...it only gets worse...you'll always have you to celebrate with and God...i never have anyone either...its ok...im 59

[@karaa7595]

Sending u a BIG hug! ❤

[@arlenepoirier]

Hi, Rejection is hurtful. 😢 Do you have any solutions in mind?

[@vidamariaixchel4962]

I have spent both my birthday and Christmas totally alone for 10 years now. I’ll be 71 on 9/9.

[@curtismcdaniel6264]

Mr Fletcher, you are such a blessing! Which church were you in when teaching this series? I would like to be in a church like this!

[@donnavickery9623]

Very helpful !!! Thank you !!!

[@stacycbrecht9650]

Thanks!

[@YvetteEngelbrecht]

Thank you very much for your pods Tim...the informative information is helping me to understand myself more. This is allowing me to grow, make better decisions for myself...to enhance quality of life including surrounding persons 💛 I appreciate what you do, your time and wealth of knowledge that you are sharing with us 🙏

[@yojankicks]

So every ody has trauma! That is why stoic is very good today to embrace.. ..i love the info and the speaker...

[@DopamineDecor]

Wow! Who knew? I hate change!

[@karencardona837]

Go with the flow. Government cause fear fact.

[@susanmercurio1060]

I hate change, but the first change in my life was when my father died in my early childhood. I have complex trauma from the subsequent troubles in my later childhood.

[@mandyporras07]

I have a question. Not sure if u will ever see this but, I have a speech impediment. Is this just something that happen or was it from trauma. At very young age I was in speech. And I didn’t speech for about eight years. No one never told me why I have a speech attendant. I developed a horrible stutter when I was a kid. It got worse instead of better. I had to do extreme speech therapy

[@Immunity7]

Good question. I hope that he sees your comment. I’ve always had a speech problem as well.

[@reg8297]

I've only known ripple effects of abuse my hole life went into jobs where i was abused met psrrher now my x who abused me never knew what it was to have safe good people in my life im stuck in severe shock that my parent took so much away from me my identity was torn down by that parent my needs to be met for friends e c t my hole life was just a void and still is i look around n shock at all those pepple enjoying there families lives relationships and im left shaken i cant have this that ontop of a x who brainwashed my kids to hate me i no longer know who i am or how to live on

[@Healing_Oaks]

Such amazing content!

[@the.kai.eros.experience]

😭 I feel like I almost never had healthy challenge from my parents. They meant well but they either rescued me or criticized me. I hate feeling 34 and so childlike. Even the smallest challenges make my entire being quiver and shake with terror and I become suicidal .

[@yourenough3]

Thanks so much

[@jilross4892]

And what makes things even worse is that the traumatizing people act as it is no big deal or that it did not happen. They want to change a victims reality. I wonder why that is?

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

This is me! Traveling puts me in such a tizzy and know I know why. Thank u!!!!

[@taleandclawrock2606]

I feel so understood!❤ Thankyou Tim!

[@neferzoe]

Great job 👏

[@billygundum]

"Hunt the good stuff "

[@kacake]

I regret not taking Psychology for major, I am learning a lot from this. I want to help people to be psychologically healthy, I should help myself first 😂 Imagine, anxiety of change, getting you out of comfort zone, can be a good or bad thing. Your brain feels safe with what youve been used to, the question is what kind of environment was it. It better be good, so anxiety is a warning. If its bad, anxiety is an oportunity to grow.

[@rabbykazwalasikozi9275]

😢😢 this is exactly my Life

[@gulliver7419]

Thank you so much for this!

[@sandyavalos3305]

Can’t remember how my parents were to me but I do remember verbal abuse

[@inezsankey]

THANK GOD FOR KNOWLEDGE..AND A WILL TO MAKE A CHANG. 😢

[@Parakeetfriend4215]

I relate to Joseph's brothers and especially the Why they felt that way. It's a miracle that they didn't kill him. The people who treated me poorly were older but not sibs. I relate to their jealousy. It's hard to relate to Joseph as he wasn't wise and was a braggered. Was thinking about this just today. I can't blame them for selling him. No blood shed and he's out of their hair. Time for Joseph to learn humility and wisdom. There's reasons why he spent time in prison. It helped round him out for what he had to do, humility, something he needed.

[@hman9581]

18:20 - Routine in childhood.

[@karolinarudnicka6597]

But how to beat the fear of moving out from parent's home? I struggle with that so much. I am looking for a flat then I found one and then I can't handle to sign an agrement. Never ending circle. It looks like I see nice flat and then my mind do this wild sabotge and I have a lot of doubts. I'm ready to move out but I cant overcome this anxieous or whatever it is. This shit make me feel hopeless.. what to do?

[@oar-N-oasis]

habang pinapkinggan Ko ito, naalala Ko ang aking tanging anak at ang mga pinagdadaanan Ko.

[@psr775]

Thanks

[@whiskyweasal89]

I’m 42.And I’m really struggling.

[@milliem8051]

I’m sorry you’re struggling. Me too, I’m almost 39. It seems like I’m struggling more the older I get, and wish my past could be different

[@Imthaone8888]

Splinter neglect may explain the confusion/ guilt in identification of parental neglect.

[@matthewpiper171]

Do you have any videos on How to change yourself or start the process of not letting what other people are thinking or saying to you affect the outcome of your true desire or decision without this outside force affecting it. Much of my life is controlled by what my brain thinks other people may think about me, or conclusions I think I made. It gets crippling. Whish, i learned to control it by now.

[@rhondasisco-cleveland2665]

Holy moly! I’ll be damned. I’m a weird version of normal.

[@anntastic1532]

I feel like I started to experience all of these in my late 20s going through a traumatic and abusive marriage and then divorce....😢

[@marlenejamjam3648]

I'm afraid to watch and listen to this video. 😢

[@ruthduran7395]

You got this.

[@nikitaagrawal6215]

Happens, you are not alone.

[@readytoshift]

Hi Tim, this was so insightful, thank you. I shared it with my partner. I have a question. How can I determine anger that is healthy and supports me in upholding boundaries compared to anger that comes from when I am triggered (because one of my triggers is having boundaries breached - but then I lose it). I want to invite my partner to help me see when my limbic brain is flooded with cortisol, but I also want to be allowed to feel appropriate anger. I don't know if I know the difference anymore. Do you have a video on that? Thank you - your channel is REALLY helping me. Much love and appreciation :)

[@Alba-Shi]

He is describing me.

[@susanmercurio1060]

17:00 Sounds just like my mother 18:40 Sounds exactly like my mother My mother was a control freak but her controlling behavior created chaos. Go figure that.

[@tammydickens4986]

Me too If im in control then I won't get hurt

[@bentehove3945]

Your Way of describing CPTSD sounds ‘right’ or plausible… but it also seems to describe ‘high functioning (?) ADD/ADHD, autism spectrum’ etc … Does that mean that nothing is inborn or to be treated with medicine? That anything can be treated with psychotherapy ?? Thank you so much 🙏🍀

[@AurelienCarnoy]

51:00 he is not going to get stripped naked and wiped for being a slave. It would spoil the goods. He kept his coat and it showed his high status and his worth. So reselling at hier price. He also stayed home not to be a mommy s boy but to study. Home scool.

[@lwontherez7927]

Joseph was Jacob’s favorite son. We know that God is “no respecter of persons.” And that He “doesn’t esteem one flesh above another.” All are equally loved by God, as we are all His children. And His Love is perfect and infinite/eternal for each and every one of His children. We don’t “earn” His love by any merit of our own. We can’t DO any ACTIONS that would CAUSE God to love us MORE. He already loves us 100% completely. He loves us because we are His and because we exist. His love comes fully from within Him! Yet, it also says that God “favors” certain of His children. I believe that this isn’t “favoritism”…but rather, the “favors”/blessings we receive as natural laws/natural consequences of obeying His commandments. If we are to follow in Jesus footsteps (emulating God), what was Jacob thinking in making it obvious that Joseph was his favorite son! Or even PLAYING favorites amongst his sons! That’s not following in Gods footsteps! Narcissism in relationships is SO insidious!! Narcissism is like pride; it causes the narcissist to view people above or below others in value. In worth. In being loved by God! It’s a competition for Gods love. It’s like the narcissist saying, “God loves ME more than YOU!” For one thing, it’s not true. God wouldn’t be God (/wouldn’t be perfect) if He loved one of His children more than the others. And yet, the narcissist I was married to “COULD NOT FAIL!!!” That was just unimaginable to him! And he DIDN’T! Until he did…making One Giant Blooper-in having an affair with his assistant at work. That was his wake up call…that “ALL are fallible.”But One. My wake up call too! Both my ex and I had put him (my ex) on a GIGANTIC pedestal! And then he took a painful nosedive-a magnificent swan dive-turned-bellyflop! It was the giant leveling off of the playing field; suddenly he was more human/fallible and I was more successful/blessed/favored. Whatever you’d like to call it! So. Here’s the thing. A certain type of narcissist (grandiose) HAS to be godlike/perfect both in their OWN eyes, as well as in the eyes of others! Their view of themselves is “better than…”-favored. Above others. In value. InIn worth. In being favored BY God! More loved by God. More godlike themselves! It’s not a matter of “Does God love you” (when you’re in a narcissistic relationship). But rather, does God love you MORE THAN another/others? And the answer is…NO. He cannot. He’s God. He has perfect, infinite and eternal love for ALL of His children!

[@littlewoodchopper2659]

Third video. Thinking I probably do have cptsd. It's like he's holding up a mirror. Very difficult to hear

[@theasmith1323]

But isn’t all these changes and needs are difficult to meet by any parents as there are no Perfect Parents anyway? We are all learning human beings so how can all our needs to be met if both Parents need to work in jobs and pay bills and their daily cost of living?

[@teemadarif8243]

Numbness

[@mohmedyzed8920]

[@danmalone5365]

The 60 characteristics of CPTSD is a failure of parents schools law-enforcement and most of all religious zealots. Who heaped more abuse more trauma than all the traumas put together. Because of their ignorance of those who suffer from these attributes. As a Survivor of these learned survival styles from my experience the only way out is to educate yourself understand your uniqueness how you survived. Educate yourself educate yourself educate yourself. My experience when praying to Jesus be prepared to traveling the road less traveled because praying for a hole to be dug when there is a shovel leaning up against the wall the hole is not going to magically appear without physical mental work. Sorry there is no easy way. From the person who knows developmental trauma shock trauma developmental dyslexia autistic spectrum disorder physical verbal sexual violence. And the Nastiest of the nastiest the Nazarrights who I believed in who I loved symbolically crucified me for falling in love.

[@kaystephens2672]

Never better said.

[@heatherbrownlie2350]

I love your content but can’t watch your videos because there are way too many commercials

[@vidamariaixchel4962]

Why not watch with an ad-blocker? On a computer. No ads !

[@katebueno191]

It wasn't like he was given access to my files , private information nothing he didn't have the right to be in my things !! The emails not even been sent !! They don't even have email address to be sent to !! So he didn't have the right to be in my things at that time like that and I had issues with him because of itm!! Several times I told people he sents you to watch me say no !! Don't say you sending people to watch me because you cla8im crazy because I don't want you watching me. !! No you are a stalker !! Even if you like someone they don't have the right to do that !! He was never given the right by me and was asked several times not to do it !! It's called stalking !! And in a court stalking is illegal !!

[@lillyrose9785]

Wth are you rambling about?

[@LydiaAwesomeLady]

How much do you focus on the trauma imposed by religion? Yeah, I didn't think so.

[@TimFletcher]

kzbin.info1PU8c-fzNwo?feature=share

[@katebueno191]

Specially after the stalkers baby mama who is not getting stalked gets mad gets naked on Facebook begging for sex. Crying for attention !! And takes my stuff and does this with it !!everyone heard her venting !! How she was this she was that !! Beging to be friend and confidant !! So she can get to my information and go this !! Than claim she didn't know about me !! When she was having entire meetings about me on her Facebook messenger without even knowing what happened !! So no !!

[@grandiesgarden175]

😮😊