60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 17/33 - Many Insecurities

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Most people with Complex Trauma have many insecurities about their appearance and personality. Those insecurities can negatively affect their life and relationships. Why do they struggle with so many insecurities? What can they do to heal and change?
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[@Melinamiu007]

Thank God for this man.

[@itsnuffin11]

Lots of homework done n experience in his talks.

[@ukaszr462]

@@itsnuffin11 and youre better now? tell some more

[@milliewoo337]

YES!! Amen! I dropped to my knees a little while ago with the same prayer of thanks. His lectures gave me so much

[@justinneilsonn2665]

I know right 😂 . Someone finally understands what I've been through

[@user-qt9or4xu9l]

Pharisees scribes hellow. If it smells looks act treat it don't negotiate thanks

[@justinneilsonn2665]

My childhood was an episode on emotional trauma. T.V. was my escape . Raised by the television . Very dangerous thing .

[@aaronmcpeakofficial6256]

however I have met very few insecure people that have anxiety issues once they reach a level of financial stability it is almost as if the psychological warfare operation of money is so deceptive that it actually can numb people from their insecurities by having large amounts from it in other words you can effectively numb your insecurities out your entire life as long as your money situation is functional

[@aaronmcpeakofficial6256]

I do not mean that your insecurities would be cured because of money I'm simply saying it can do a good job of covering it and numbing it so that other people do not really label you as insecure

[@justinneilsonn2665]

@@aaronmcpeakofficial6256 absolutely.

[@litrugia]

Me too. There we no limits on how much I could watch tv and its still my go to to numb myself because I can’t use drugs and alcohol anymore.

[@luisapaza317]

​@@aaronmcpeakofficial6256I'm sure it can. But I wouldn't recommend a lifestyle that way

[@gessrinky9129]

My dad would comment on my mothers, other Womens and my physical appearance constantly. Always about how old this person looked, how fat..everything. I’ve been told I’m small but I’ve felt HUGE my whole life.

[@yorkiemom6144]

My ex-husband, who was himself 100 lb overweight continuously criticized one of the mothers in our child's play group because she was about a 100 lb overweight. He spoke so cruelly like she wasn't even human

[@indigosmyth7475]

Its pretty hard when your own parent makes fun of you and encourages other siblings to say negative things as well, I preferred to be made fun by peers because it was equal ground and I could stick up for myself

[@JustJ-Me]

*"Insecure"* (as ashamed as I am to say it) can sum me up in just about every way. I doubt and question everything- externally and significantly internally. I don't trust myself (or others- especially family) and I'm very severe when it comes to being unrealistic and perfectionistic. The anxiety, over-analyzing, over-thinking, and even overworking are very debilitating and exhausting. When these issues are often pointed out to me it causes me to become even more insecure. All of these discussions are eye-opening and validating. I wish those around me would be more open to hearing/ learning about these things and trying to better understand me while I'm trying to work through this mess.

[@marty4268]

good luck with working through your issues

[@JustJ-Me]

@@marty4268 Thank you. I appreciate your comment.

[@georgiakritikos4955]

Avoid the PRETEND ,GENERAL PATTON SAID ❤AS AMERICANS ITS OUR BIGGEST ENEMY

[@andreakay6061]

I am exactly the same.

[@HeadInTheCosmos]

❤

[@Courgette65]

Scapegoat of my family here... I constantly want to run away when I am/feel exposed. You can imagine how i do at job interviews! I get them because I am skilled but always fail because of my insecurities. I no longer try and am focusing on my recovery. Its very painful and lonely. Thank you for your videos.

[@AA-yb8rg]

"Now tell us about yourself" is a nightmare moment for me. I truly dread talking about myself, or anything that makes me the center of attention... Strangely, the more I associate with someone, the more exposed / uncomfortable I feel. I wish I could tell you something helpful. I hope you feel better soon 💐

[@Courgette65]

@@AA-yb8rg thank you and all the best to you. "Tell us something about yourself" is awful for me too. I try to practice it in writing. Practice is everything right!!?!

[@user-ge6uo2ry2b]

Truly incredible. It is like you grew up in my home with a narcissistic, histrionic mother and abusive, alcoholic father. Me, the scapegoat feels completely seen and heard. Thank you

[@farah23apal71]

Same here

[@tuckandsandy]

Same here as well.

[@andreakay6061]

I try hard to be perfect, but also hold back so not to be in a vulnerable position. Overthinking is killing me. I was in denial of there trauma for so long, but over the last few years it has been emerging and over the last 3 months I admitted the trauma, that my mother was the cause (although I can't name her because she is the result of her trauma), however this has been an extremely difficult realisation. Not only that but how I was as a parent and the trauma I have caused. No more though, my daughter knows I am working through and healing as does my partner. However I am insecure, afraid, ashamed, struggling for identity - I just don't know myself, I don't know what is real or imagined, my whole life feels like a lie, a house of cards falling down around me but I am at a place I think I can find all this out. As terrifying as that is, it's better than it was. Each day brings something new - god it takes courage to do this so to everyone out there who is on this journey, you are already so much braver than most people you now no matter how weak and insecure you may feel.

[@Courgette65]

🫂

[@GM-cd2dr]

This is spot on!! I constantly feel insecure about my work performance. I get positive feedback but I always feel like I didn’t do enough or someone thinks my role isn’t needed. It’s made me depressed and I’ve sought out counseling and cptsd is what we’re working on. Spot on.

[@ashwin15644]

I’m exactly the same

[@thunderpooch]

here's one trick I learned. And simple psychological tricks to ground yourself are the only ones that really work for me. if they're too difficult or require too much thinking then I get lost and can't implement them when I'm emotionally disregulated. here's the trick I tell myself. "Avoid mistakes as best you can. But every mistake you make can lead to something better." I used to associate mistakes with abandonment and rejection. It would destroy me. Being so guarded and nervous led to even more mistakes. It was a vicious cycle. And being so guarded and nervous would even lead certain people withdrawing from me. They had their own traumas where they would find emotionally disregualted people unsafe. Now I make mistakes, and I know there are so many positive outcomes that can come from it. I can learn from it, realize somebody has a better talent for it, or shift my priorities to find something I enjoy more. Mistakes are just sign posts to slow down, learn again, deligate to others, or encourage others that they're better at something; I know I'm also better at some things so there's an opportunity to separate tasks. Mistakes also allow me to learn about myself. Was I focused? If not, why? Is it a sign I need another strategy or path all-together? It's kinda cool. I make mistakes out to not be a big deal and I find I make less of them and deal better with the ones I do make.

[@agraves561]

Me too

[@thadmatson4754]

I’ll round out this truma trifecta.😂

[@suzymoroka297]

Imposter syndrome…

[@K777angel]

God is really using your material to make significant differences in my life. I'm pursuing a life coaching career and your material is invaluable. Thank you❤

[@TheAdhdGardener]

That perfectly explains what im going through omg!!! WOW wtf. Im going back to nursing and omg the unhealthy amount of fear insecurity n wanting to back out is unreal. I know ill be good but damn😵‍💫😳 i wanna RUN

[@jcepri]

The idea that a child ticks through a list of possible reasons why they are not loved, and that's why we can be insecure in so many areas, is so enlightening. It is NOT MY FAULT. It is NOT OUR FAULT.

[@stephenj4638]

It would be silly to imagine God judging me the way I judge myself. Because I love God and God loves people, it means I must love away the insecurities I see in others and in myself.

[@milliem8051]

22:56 people always put me down for being an introvert. “You’re too shy, you’re too quiet. You’re weird.” I might be autistic too not sure.

[@joeyaayeoj]

combined with therapy, Tim Fletcher's videos have given me the most help i have ever received in psychological treatment. thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@Just-be-nice558]

I would say God lead me to your lectures!! Thank you SO much for all your teachings. You are touching lives and changing lives. ❤❤🙏

[@iuniversol]

This man is telling my life story right now.

[@the.kai.eros.experience]

Shame & insecurity have run my entire life. Never felt safe. Was called Cyclops for years and years in school because my eyes are close together. I am doing my best to work through it (as it’s been brought up by a dark night of the soul and extreme suicidal ideation), but it feels so fucking impossible. I just feel like I’m trapped in a straitjacket. No matter how many friends I have that love me or how much I logically know I’m beautiful and worthy…. I feel terror and shame all the time. But I’m here. I’m still alive. I know my journey can help others. It might take many years but that’s okay. Thank you Tim.

[@shopi3585]

Story of my life

[@bevsofroniuk1193]

So glad I found this teaching... one week in... so much to learn and undo.. aware,. learn and grow

[@Ngan.marianguyen]

My mom's sister just had her granddaughter (she's almost 2 now). And i must admit that kid is superr cutee. My mom is obsessed w her, even tho she doesnt even like my mom😆 like my mom couldnt even hold her or get close to her. However, my mom kept talkinggg about her. It pissed me off. Like she would go over the top for her.. the way she played w her and gave her her attention. My inner child was soo hurt and triggered.. like i'd be waking up from sleeping and she'd be talking about that kid. I'd be waking up from my nap and she'd be talking about that kid. She'd be home from work and she'd be talking about that kid. It gets SOOOOO annoying! Ughh i hateeeee it. Even tho myself, i love that kid and she loves me sooo much. But it doesnt sit right with my inner child the level of obsession and attention my mom is giving her :/ i really feel like my mom only does this to get me jealous and she gets a kick out of it... ughh when i confronted her how this whole thing made me feel she was smiling as if my pain was her pleasure😞😞 this feels like freaking abuse man..

[@manixburn6403]

Life is waiting us arm open but we intercede, money, power. All the tool to fail the exchange.

[@rickelpers1820]

Sounds like you’re describing my life in a nutshell. The question is how to release the energy of shame. Along with the side effects of suicidal ideation, I have overcome 90% of that desire. But whenever death comes along , I am ready for or perhaps don’t reaycare. There’s nobody who I need to be around for. So it won’t matter to be or not to be. Apparently there’s a small chance of reserve of capacity for the possibility in any amount of time it could cause the opportunity to complete the life lived. As a safety net for those times I could desire to say goodbye .

[@jeremyc2445]

I totally relate to your feelings. The mind is always trying to undermine my place of stability

[@joonambeauty3161]

Thee videos are very spot on, I have a bit of all three I look forward to healing. Just hearing these words these facts makes me feel less shame towards my insecurities even if they are there I know that they are not my truth they may be another’s but not mine. May we all heal sending much love to all the children who have gone through this, may your own children benefit from your growth and effort to understanding yourself!

[@carriekeith2266]

Absolutely priceless content!! Thank you so much! I'm going to share this with my 13 yr old son, whom suffers with insecurities, but I'm not sure why...😥

[@olalerelukman9120]

There is nothing like a bad kids ,only bad parents.

[@oliviag9271]

Im really glad that God showed me your channel. But there is just too much for me to even know where to begin. I get anxiety & a little discouraged

[@kimpuchek1956]

I get it. This is what I think, too. Starting to change even one thing requires my full attention for a period of time. I’ve found that even one conscious effort to keep going forward with whatever it is that I am wanting to keep as a positive habit requires my loving attention to changing the habit that I no longer want to engage in. Even doing one push-up is better than not even beginning to go to the 25 push-ups that I want eventually accomplish. How can I support myself when doing this new thing? This old thing may have served me in the past for my survival. I know that I will have some times that I don’t think I am strong enough to keep going. I want to have a healthy person who will support me in my efforts to change. We need to be willing to ask for help from others. It’s where we can get our support to help us keep going.Hang in there.

[@marcelvandermeulen2219]

I can relate to you feeling discouraged. However, new insights are the first step to change!

[@helenwarren5217]

I was so ashamed of my relapsing twicr that felt my story was of no use to anybody.

[@oliviag9271]

@@helenwarren5217 no way! Your story has helped me. You gave me hopw & support that I havent received. Im always insulted by family. I feel like im suffering alone. But you reached out to me. May God bless you foe you kindness & openess. Addiction is hard to talk about because we're always judged and condemned

[@harristhesecondcomin]

​@kimpuchek1956 That's the mindset for change and that's where I'm at in my life. Less self sabotage, more healthy mindsets and actions.

[@pamelaf5178]

Thank you for your wisdom and your message. You are an example of what our world desperately needs right now!!

[@user-zo1fr1vk8e]

When my dad pays a compliment, he always pairs it with a criticism or mean comment. I left like my dad disliked most family, with a few exceptions. The only thing he seemed to admire was someone being 'hard' in term of fist fights. He has aged badly, and I'm working hard to be the opposite. I was fed flattery by my mum which I can't bear ti hear because of my low self esteem, and dad made it clear he liked me, as well as loved me. My brother was punished and the black sheep, except he is exceptionly bright, tough minded, and very strong morals and courageous. He a tough act to follow for me with ADHD and cptsd. Seeing my parents, my mums flattery makes me uncomfortable, and seeing dad is very uncomfortable how he and mum trigger eachother. Mum's on egg shells and depressed, and dad's triggered into Shame and anti social. I find it hard to take up my space in the world, when I speak up I feel guilty of being narcissist, I'm trying to learn natural flow in conversation and healthy non criticism.

[@ZuroiA]

This particular chapter feels very important for me as well as for many listeners. I want to understand more about dealing with insecurities - Does Tim Fletcher discuss it further anywhere?

[@Momofthree1972]

This all explains so much about how I deal with things. My childhood was bad. Full of abuse of all sorts and abandonment. I never had a set of parents that loved me and I was always compared to my sisters. I wound up marrying someone who over time did the same thing. I'm 51 years old, single and still dealing with all of this.

[@marcelvandermeulen2219]

Great talk once again! You really discuss the right topics with a great vision and analysis of the relevant issues.

[@abdulc5726]

This video has earned a subscribe

[@RoronoaEmi]

On the Christian portion, my father always said: Hate the sin, love the sinner.

[@marykennedysherin3330]

God bless you Mr Fletcher 🙏🏻❤️ tremendously helpful teaching!

[@mama_j5041]

This is absolutely spot on for me. How do I fix it?!

[@EvolvingENFP]

This channel is just heaven sent ❤️

[@carlalaporte2211]

I can relate to much of this. Thank you for explaining everything so well.

[@Me-fs5mi]

What took you so long Tim? Been waiting 60 years for you . The damage USA PUBLIC ASSISTANCE has done to the victims of america is the most inhumane lie ever. Being understood by you is priceless.

[@oar-N-oasis]

Yep, I also have much insecurities in life but when I became a Christian, God changes my insecurities. He help me to understand that He created mankind in his own image. Psalm 139:14 King James Version 14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. He changed the way I view mine & other own unique physicality.

[@tishainess9339]

I wish I could send more but I don’t have infinity dollars 😅 that’s what you deserve, ya freakin beautiful genius 💖 thank you sooooo much

[@Blessedmessmamato4]

Thank you SO much for your videos. I am watching them all. I am learning. I am healing. You have such a gift. Thank you again. ❤

[@RxS100]

Oh my goodness! This man is truly a God send! Thank you so much 🙏🏼

[@Kafka04]

This was very accurate 🙀

[@theraptureisnearbelieveinj448]

Relationships in America are totally based on so many categories that you really are judged upon! People jump to conclusions, and make assumptions about you, without you even saying a word! I had a 1:1 with a neighbor recently, where it was an information gathering session, and I was on the hot seat. I already know I didn’t measure up, and won’t hear from her again. Sigh.

[@sarahg1077]

I recently saw an Instagram video where a Christian couple said that when a wife denies a husband sex or doesn’t initiate sex, that it causes insecurity in the husband, that he will feel undesired and the result will be he won’t be the leader he needs to be. Personally, as someone who is a sexual trauma survivor, this message felt like they were manipulating wives to give sex. Sex wasn’t about connecting, it was to give the husband an ego boost, so he doesn’t feel insecure. What are your thoughts?

[@jenni4claire]

Surely the wife would feel very VERY insecure knowing her feelings didn't matter to him or anyone in their cult, because she was just a se× doll for him?

[@clint120]

Men really need sex.

[@clembb8]

I heard a christian lady say that that too, and I feel like it's a dangerous advice :( It's shaming and not being able to ever say "no" could lead to having sex even if you don't want to or feel unwell and it could also lead to abuse.

[@VasacceSky]

Excellent ❤

[@drchandanasahay9682]

This was the funniest 😂😂😂 may be laughter is my coping mechanism

[@joankain6193]

Thanks!

[@shelteredsparrow2736]

Great video

[@RaggedyA]

thank you for helping us.

[@perlefisker]

One can easily have external security and internal insecurity.

[@scarlettking8246]

Disappointing others is a big one for Ms people pleaser.

[@pegagonza3784]

He is very detailed I love he does it. Thanks 🙏🏻

[@GoodDay-ox1el]

Thank you for “Christian part”🙏

[@NilasJunkyard]

thank you for this insight.

[@alexchiarella7422]

You are amazing. Thank you so much❤

[@C-Span222]

Thank you!

[@CM-uo5tq]

Thank you ❤

[@SpiritusMundi3]

🇿🇦 thank you

[@jillplott4986]

This is EXACTLY what I have needed to hear. I have been so confused as to why I do these things. Thank you!

[@billyb4790]

This is amazing. Just how many videos does this man have on cptsd?

[@user-ge6uo2ry2b]

A bunch and they’re all gold

[@louisemorgan3237]

Not enough

[@AlmutMaier]

Excellent 👍👋

[@KellySnow]

Ok so HOW do i become secure

[@mooseyman74]

Find a nice secure bloke

[@lucafenech6894]

watch the next video

[@yvonneroach8970]

Check out Michael J Singer's views on life

[@Mrs_PinkMarie77]

36:44 a peice of a suggestion. Spend more time on the helaing component. I feel like you go so deep into disease, which I love! But if you can add alittle more time discussing some tips and trick HOW to manage in a healthy way. Slend equal time of discussing how to heal.

[@keyng9489]

I’m kind of confused how the Christian part relates to the insecurity part… just loving yourself? And accepting your flaws? I thought the whole point of the initial talk was to point out the flawed thinking and the Christian part was supposed to address it

[@louisemorgan3237]

The one I listened to was just drawing parallel comparisons to what he said , but from biblical verses

[@wordwordful]

We shall Overcome

[@ThingsILove2266]

I wonder if introversion is a God-given personality or a learned behavior.

[@lisaware9697]

I think it’s God-given? I’ve heard extroverts defined as those who get their “energy tank” filled by being around ppl, and introverts as those who get their “energy tank” filled from being alone. Both like being around other ppl, but extroverts “wilt” when alone too much, and introverts are drained by too much time with other ppl. There are degrees of each, too. Mr. Fletcher said he is “very introverted,” so he would need more alone time in order to be energized to be around ppl. I’m the same, whereas my son is ready for socializing after a busy work week; he happily anticipates time with ppl even if he’s tired. I, by contrast, would want to be home alone at least for a short time before being ready to socialize.

[@KatWoodland]

@@lisaware9697You know it!

[@MichibellaD.C.]

Maybe it’s both - can’t be a fighter all the time it’s exhausting

[@Sergiuss555]

So many words. This all could be summarized in a coupke minutes.

[@AnastasiaFalisha]

What will happen if the kid grow with perfect parents and all needs met? Without any trauma? Is that gonna be good thing? Or otherwise?

[@FlorenceLunsford-sk2nj]

I do fall short little bit

[@cubanadiense]

What does Jesus teach about dealing with psychopaths , narcissists and sociopaths? Those 3 types of beasts have many things in common, one of them loving that a person would turn their other cheek , that’d be like luxury for them

[@traci6379]

I find this scripture helpful when dealing with toxic people Matthew 7:6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

[@cubanadiense]

@@traci6379 I love it, worth printing it on my tote bag , and t shirt, this should be psa and internalized by many ppl suffering abuse for not knowing better

[@RichieDee773]

I don’t know what job to do the rest of my life. I get anxiety just not being able to decide ! Help

[@Notherenorthere-iq4qx]

25:02 28:35

[@exuberanttarot]

Have you written a book yet?

[@michaeljones7372]

So many throwing the word "god" around in the comments. And others "wow, you're telling my life story". Well, gee whiz😢

[@annamaria9899]

❤❤❤

[@lilysunshine3447]

Mentoring individual talents and skills to create a community? Healthy relationships are taught by the community? Respect and response to the difference in people, without punishment and prejudice? Media create insecurities? Religion teaches insecurities if you don’t fit the? Are flaws created in the blank space of child development? People don’t ask for what they already understand? Skill building is not being neglected by community? Allow for mistakes as a learning curve to understanding? Are you teaching to find your tribe and set up boundaries or reject others that believe what you believe? Thank you .

[@MyTechnicolorDays]

this is triggering my insecurity

[@jeanetjensen6474]

🙏⚘🇩🇰

[@sonyaparkin7841]

💛💚💕🙏

[@georgiakritikos4955]

General Patton also said❤the pretend is Americans biggest enemy, its how the unlawfull sneak in the legal

[@georgiakritikos4955]

Judith Cowan said that too❤

[@jennifermorgan4527]

No solution or healing steps

[@user-qt9or4xu9l]

Ya know nice mindful people check in to apts . Are faced stocking tested beyond the shamebased were talking hostility of familys pump and dump . Love doesnt live here no invitation. I want to move look not wanting to go to the frying pan. Wear tear down. This place is getting worse do to people in 1 bed example many hall is drug center .. people sleeping on steps.. i dream about the farm my dad had look for holidays with family. These people goal you move in i must of had 20 people mirror hudge in bathroom they replaced i did not even see the flaw. Put setiment on wall for 24 hour not question it because i just was overlemed talking to the people that just moved in were asking same questions i was. No structure no mindfulwawa nessness. I could not believe how people were doced with hudge fines. Girlfriend painted one of there places beore moving big bill still. I stay do to wear and tare man oh man that is all i get. Im only one ever lived here tile floor hacked.. treatment stand if you can. Thats why coach trained me this so horrific now at my age. Im not young anymore

[@bonnielizarraga7941]

Hote

[@Anubiss.]

How do you do it 😂 ai

[@edwardmccall450]

Trumpphobia!

[@user-lu4ob5qp4t]

I have all insecurities mr.tim speak . I want to change and become nice strong cofident person to face the world and achive my goals .

[@K777angel]

Thanks!

[@julissarivas6992]

Thank you ❤

[@chrissnyder7181]

Thanks!