Two Dangerous Words Coming From A Narcissist

Narcissists are constantly looking for ways to keep you beneath them. They have to have the final word. Understanding this, Dr. Les Carter highlights two words coming from a narcissist that reveal how pathological they are in their efforts to control. Once you see it, you can protect yourself from their schemes.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his KZbin channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
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[@wolflarsen941]

Everything with a Narc is a threat, one way or another.

[@karolemcaninch6495]

"You're nuts " when you are catching on to their lies.

[@wakeupordie]

This is every narc's no 1 defense. You are crazy, brain damaged, etc. Once they know you know, they go to the ends of the earth to convince everyone who knows you that you are crazy, brain damaged, mentally deranged, etc. When someone can't discredit what you say, the only option they have left is to try to discredit who you are.

[@hchayes9431]

True. Decades ago I had a person say to me. "Not everything you think is true . " When I would question something about them.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

They don't like being called out on their attitude/behaviors!

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

They are reflecting their opinion of themselves! (like a mirror!)

[@elizabethhuang9789]

“Trust me” = RUN.

[@jamaalhorton2343]

That’s by far the scariest thing a narc can say!

[@caroleminke6116]

I wrote that yesterday but no one else seemed to get it! Never trust anything but your own intuition plz ❤

[@schizorap]

Oh yeah for sure

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

@@caroleminke6116 I get it and run from those who demand it!

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Exactly!

[@dwilliams5700]

They "know" everything but you only "think" you "know".

[@jamaalhorton2343]

They know everything but really don’t know their butt from a hole in the ground!

[@t_nels]

DWilliams Yes!

[@Misfit-from-Zanti]

I used to fall for the trap.. well I know.. and then silence. They're waiting for you to fill them in, because they're fishing.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

That was my former friend/colleague. She would always say "I know” repeatedly when and ignored my words of caution suggesting she should stop and think before making a rash decision. She often headed straight on into another conflict without giving it a second thought. Then when she inevitably complained about the fallout of her impulsive, destructive decisions and wanted me to be her sounding board, I finally snapped. I said something like. “You know, it's not that you think you know everything that leads you into unnecessary drama or trouble. It's that you never think you're wrong.” She was floored.

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

​@@jamaalhorton2343 How true.

[@dsmith9796]

I know that I love seeing the little dog on the sofa.

[@MarianneCatherine]

Me too! 😊❤️🐶

[@ingridferg9779]

Me three. Adorable

[@IBNED]

​@@ingridferg9779Me 4....he is a comfort. Makes feel like I am part of fam....

[@willyjansson6340]

The most charming pet in cyberspace!

[@LoudFireProductions]

❤Hi puppy❤

[@25N77]

Well I have 4 words from my Narc… I never said that!

[@caroleminke6116]

Yup

[@stephanniekotalik9339]

That’s my narc husband to a tee.

[@MarianneCatherine]

It's hard to believe that they all say the same stuff!!! 😮

[@MS-lg4yr]

That and “you’re twisting my words”, “you’re taking that out of context”, “you’ve done the same”, “God says I’m right”…I could go on.

[@nicholecornes1915]

Lol right!

[@grammyofmany1964]

I swear my ex used that line, "I'm so right I'm wrong." 😮 He also used to say, "If you're talking, you're teaching; if you're listening you're learning," at the kids and I whenever we tried to speak for ourselves. Of course, it was his way of saying, "I know." I'm SO glad we're out of that. 25 years was 24 and 3/4 too long.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Thanks!

[@RatedArggg]

The older I get, the more I realize how LITTLE I know.

[@MarianneCatherine]

So, so true! 😊 We can be thankful for that. It keeps us learning !

[@sw6454]

Omg so true!!! My mother in law and husband know everything though so apparently I am unhappy because I don’t do things the way they do 😂.

[@DianaIbarra-y1e]

Those with an open mind are always learning!!!

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

It's called maturity! :-)

[@lindaadams1008]

Narcissists feel that people owe them something...🙄 They don't care about anybody but themselves... No contact is how I will continue to live my life...😊

[@danamama6766]

They do. They will give one thing but then that person owes them 5 things in return. And that they need to obide. All of a sudden a person just owes them everything. Then when that person realizes and says frig this. Well that person who was so wonderful to the narc is all of a sudden an idiot. hmmm.

[@godslittleprincess5454]

Yup

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I get anxious around the holidays. My narcissistic dad ruined my last two birthdays; I am not calling him(not chasing him!) this or any year in the future. He is not worth the trouble. He tells me how he can't be bothered to show up on the holiday. That hurt, he knew it would, he is sadistic! I am not in contact with him and will not tolderate his ruining my future birthdays!

[@duromusabc]

Narcissists love to weaponize knowledge indeed- puffed up Knowledge with arrogance They’re never team players - they pretend to be but it doesn’t last - the mask of collaboration will slip

[@Misfit-from-Zanti]

They got a posse of flying monkeys

[@danamama6766]

oh yes so true they just need to be the centre of attention and the one everyone thinks they are so wow. However what they do not get is people are just being polite. And act the oh wow. And then the narc gets a bit nerve wracked when all the ones that act wow start just not wanting to be bothered. Well..they just can't understand why. And then those people become idiots. That the narc once idolized while they were under the grandiosis. Can not understand why they are kinda just not around anymore.

[@jeannedouglas9912]

They turn information into evil knowledge with plans to supplant.

[@renebernays5774]

unsolicited advice is their favorite

[@stevereno]

Narc: “Why don’t you do it this way?” “Why don’t you do it that way?” Me: “Because I am doing it, not you. If you think I can do better, why don’t you show me how, or else do it yourself.” 😊

[@hchayes9431]

Correcting a person pronunciation or grammar or spelling of words is another narcissistic trait.

[@cloudmountaindog8537]

It’s truly remarkable how the moment they walk in your front door, they know more about your house than you. I like keeping that door closed these days 🤔

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Dad nitpicks and lectures me; I am so over his nonsense! No-contact is working for me!

[@darleneschreiber9415]

How about these two words....."still alive".

[@nicholecornes1915]

Yeah those dumb bitches

[@andrewhancock2451]

The dog adds a lot to the enjoyment of the video.

[@truthandreality4650]

Narcissists use force. Good people will educate.

[@jeannedouglas9912]

The narcissist speaks words of promise yet always exploits due to extreme covetousness/control issues.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Dad's a steamroller. I won't be run over by him anymore. His loss!

[@truthandreality4650]

@@jackilynpyzocha662 Know that having had a narcissist parent is one of the five traits that make you a target for narcissists looking to trap you in a relationship. The traits that they look for are forgivers, rescuers, overly empathic, overly positive and those who have a narcissist parent. I tell you this so that you look past the love-bombing phase and pay close attention to red flags or diagnostic displays of narcissism. Moreover, look for displays of good, empathic, normal, loving people in any form of relationship you pursue. When someone shows you that they are genuine, feel free to go all-in. Sorry for your experience with your dad.

[@mactine2k7]

"They may be".... Stubborn, close minded.... They are.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Ok, you got me on that one.

[@sandrathomas2893]

You ALWAYS You NEVER sorry.... there's just so many .. 😁

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Absolutely 👍

[@thelordcomanderwhocriedwolf]

"Just you wait." was a terrifying frase.

[@MarianneCatherine]

More evil foreboding! The negativity never ends. 😱🙄😭

[@lishmahlishmah]

*"Tell me..."* Two words when narcissists want to gather information about whatever they are planning to weaponize very soon. Hence, ... We must absolutely remember; 1. Never reveal anything, not even an insignificant detail 2. however, be aware: expect for sure a narcissistic attack (on anything) within a few hours or a few days. So, we have to stay calm, confident, focused on ourselves and... silent 💚🌼

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Wow! I've heard them start a sentence with that statement. It's scary, and you get that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach 😕

[@4Rascals321]

Amen! @@amandaliverpool3374

[@Hatbox948]

Omg that sounds like my ex narc too. It was either "I've got a question for you" or "tell me something". I feel creeped out just thinking about it.

[@25N77]

Not a good way to live is it.

[@carlforpresidentanthony4574]

i say run for your lives and never look back my healed family. for the like a Terminator, they will never stop until you are deleted :(

[@markjayw666]

Healthiest words I learned: I don’t know, but I will find out.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My two favorite phrases: "Look it up" and "Is this a test?"

[@aaronkwolfe]

The ones that I grew to fear were, "We'll see." That short sentence was like an anvil hanging over my head, waiting for the supporting string to be cut.

[@t_nels]

🎯

[@samanthaclark4618]

Omg. Yes. That's a great depiction of the ominous feeling I would get when I knew o stepped out of line. In the beginning that happened so frequently and in response to things that happened in my private life that I didn't know anyone could see.....that I became so disoriented with what was happening, I couldn't put it into words to seek help

[@t_nels]

@@samanthaclark4618 'Step out of line' says it all. I used to say sorry so much. Then I went through the 'Do you love me?'.

[@Hatbox948]

Great analogy.

[@4coolclips]

Yikes! That sounds like a thinly veiled threat 😮😢. That would keep me up at night too!!

[@rebeccaarwine2768]

"You deserved that" Anger, fault finding, etc It's you not me; I'm perfect mentality "I know"

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Dad thinks he's perfect so he nitpicks at me and talks down to me; it's infuriating. He is dismissive and sarcastic. He's impossible! I gave up on dealing with him in August. My win!

[@barbarabrennan1753]

My narcissist is a sociopath not wanting me to be happy but also layering years of deceit and gaslighting on everyone around me. Keeping me stuck in poverty under his control.

[@lishmahlishmah]

Actually this is a very little covered topic by all professionals. Ok, someone makes some videos speaking about it but they usually don't include the situation of people *really stuck* in poverty by the narcissist. Yet, narcissists do it so many times, in many ways... And the victims cannot easily find a solution in a few months, even if they have a good job. Last but not least, there are victims with serious chronic illnesses, stuck in poverty because their narcissists are their caregivers. Some of these victims can reach us and tell us their story because they can use an internet connection. But most of them don't have access to internet, either. Thank you for your testimony. Keep looking for ways out. Keep looking for good people you can trust.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I hate the smell of gas, I got away from the source(poop: narc dad)!

[@jannawalters232]

Name-calling!

[@lauracoussens6207]

They will never adjust permanently...maybe temporarily only to make a point. They will also do things for you which is great, but will always expect something more in return. And they will devalue what you do contribute and then will demand that you to do more.

[@elmaswanepoel1598]

And the point is to reel you back in 🤦

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

They don't even temporarily adjust. They can't!

[@heathermixson1265]

"Your fault"

[@waterbaby7834]

After they've delivered their final blow, they circle back with, "you only have yourself to blame." That way they can excuse their words/actions and give themselves absolution, at the same time.

[@Sheri-sb1yr]

Nothing is EVER their fault...and they can NEVER admit the sick and EVIL wrongs they have committed.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

I am scared of people who say: I know. They are dangerous. Thank you dr Carter ❤ God bless you ❤

[@shiny7301]

Also you can hear "You're so cruel and insensitive" from a narcissist if you say "no or I think differently" politely, kindly. They have no respect to different ideas, beliefs, lives and in general all kinds of differences due to their black/white mentality. They will do manipulations to make you feel guilty and ashamed. In time you really think about yourself that am I a cruel narcissist? Thank you Dr.Carter for your precious contributions ❤

[@cindyrobinson3882]

I always heard....."you need to" as a command to do what he wanted to control me. He recently passed away from cancer. He tried sending me emails & cards.....still manipulating from his death bed. I'm sure his adult children are not walking on eggshells anymore trying to please him, but I am sure his adult children are going to need therapy for the rest of their lives. 🙏 I pray they recognize the need for therapy and get it. He always belittled me because I was in therapy. As a cancer surviver and a narc survivor......I'm thriving!!!! 😊 🎉 🙌 🙏

[@roxymovie3938]

I heard exactly the same words from a sociopath as a command for control...Sad story you are sharing here with all the children who lost their abusive father who was torturing them still on his deathbed...but I am glad that you survived from illness and an ill person. And thriving forward 👏 Take care and lots of blessings for you 🙏💛🙏

[@cindyrobinson3882]

​@@roxymovie3938 Thank you Roxy. Blessings to you. 😊 🙏

[@lishmahlishmah]

Oh my. I've heard that so many times both from my N family and from the Ns I met outside my family. "You need to" = "you must do what I command to do". Hugs from Italy. Thank you for sharing your thriving 🌟🌼💛 We survivors need so much the awareness we can work, overcome and thrive !

[@cindyrobinson3882]

​​@@lishmahlishmah Thank you & hugs to you!! We survivors need each other to encourage one another. Grace to all who are healing. One step at a time, one day at a time. 😊

[@nancytwigg4631]

You are an enlightened survivor!! Congratulations

[@suejohnson3972]

How about" Oh here we go" when calling them out on something,?!!😏

[@Kat-th2td]

"No way." "Okay, whatever." Both preludes to dismissal, accompanied by angry glaring and walking away.

[@lauracoussens6207]

Yet another trait that proves it's really all about them.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

They're delusional!

[@cindykammerzell3937]

I would think that the subject of narcissism could be very popular right now. Because of the way things are going on in the world.

[@Wanda711]

When I confronted the narcissist the version I got was "I understand." Which didn't mean "Yes, I can see your point," but instead "I have you all figured out and this is just typical of you."

[@saylorgirl799]

My narc-sister KNOWS my thoughts, my mind, my feelings, my motivations, and my memories… FAR BETTER than I know them myself. 😂 And SHE TELLS me all the time what I’m thinking and feeling! LOL My favorite is when SHE’s angry (which is 99.9% of the time), and she PROJECTS her angry feelings onto me in an ACCUSATORY way. 1) I wasn’t angry. I’ve learned to keep my calm in the midst of her angry outbursts/storms. 2) She states it in an accusatory way… AS IF I wouldn’t have the right or justification to be angry with her if indeed I was. But I wasn’t. SHE TELLS ME what feelings I’m allowed to have. I FINALLY decided to go NO CONTACT with her 2 days ago after she NEARLY RAN ME OVER IN HER Chevy Tahoe in one of her fits of rage! And yes, just as another commenter mentioned, my sister uses “YOU NEED TO…” as a command in every interaction I’ve ever had with her. That’s one of her favorite commands. Lol

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Is she a female version of the "Amazing Kreskin"?! :-)

[@teresamcalister7096]

They go crazy if I happen to say ‘I know’.

[@yvelainearmstrong9752]

That's one chilled dog ..hello Gus

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Woof!

[@cathyw.7515]

NPD husband constantly tells me that I just "think"that I know. Same thing as him saying "I know". Interesting. Another layer of confusion removed from my brain.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

He's upset because you do know, what he's up to! And you're not having any part of his toxic dumping, you (we) are not landfills!

[@DaisyRenee713]

Im 63yrs of age, live alone. My 85yr old mother still tries to control, judge and belittle me when she does not agree with my decisions or opinions. I am literally so sick of her. Sad to say she's going to die alone I'm not going to be humiliated just because of her age it's not fair to me because I'm concerned about my age and making the rest of my journey in life happy and meaningful.

[@wadesnyder6871]

you absolutely deserve to do you , with no guilt! we all get one life. no one has the right to rob us of ours.

[@LeeAnn-ip2of]

Two hits. There will be two hits around here. Me hitting you, you hitting the floor. He never did hit me, but one never knows. It was time for me to "get out". Hard as it was I did eventually leave/divorce...no regrets😍

[@t_nels]

Oooh, I have heard that in general.

[@gefen6638]

Brilliant! I remember a person saying, "trust me, I am a [name of profession]."

[@Sunshine-hb2tx]

"I know you more then you know yourself "

[@anndra1160]

Ahhh yes, I've heard this before. Can be translated to " I will gaslight, manipulate, and deceive you until you NO LONGER know yourself"! 😕

[@Sunshine-hb2tx]

@anndra1160 yes that he did. I'm glad I left a month ago. I'm never going back. I have peace of mind

[@rochellet1333]

100% true. I have heard a Narc say that, "I know". All the time, every time.

[@masterdaveedwards]

It’s the data gathering that I find disturbing, and my ability to comply. Sure wish I could just shut up. I should take a vow of silence and see where that takes me. Thanks again Dr C I thank God for you. Shalom and Pax Vobiscum

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Shalom

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I wish to give credit to the Lost In Space Robot(1965-68 original series: Bob May was in the robot costume, Dick Tufeld, the announcer, was the robot's voice): "This does not compute!"

[@CTHou13]

I will donate my husband and my vows to Sandra Thomas. You obviously do not know the mental, emotional, and physical torment the narcissist puts you through. The lonely, empty, devaluing, gas lighting, and harmful behaviors that occur day in and day out and how it destroys your soul and reduces you to a fraction of you true self and you implode on yourself till you are completely destroyed. That is a vow I cannot not keep. He will not change and grow with me, he will only destroy me if I stay.

[@LiveforHim73]

He says ( after another person says something he disagrees with) “ Trouble is” then , “ I know” When you try to put your heads together…. He loses it! He doesn’t want to hear anything but his own Thoughts ! So many years of this, it time to be over it.

[@nancybrooks5696]

Once again, Dr. C, after listening to your videos daily for at least 3 years (probably more), I can only say two things: “Wow!!” and “How in the world do you continue to make fresh videos with fresh insights and new, helpful ways to look at this subject?!!”

[@bennyscomin]

Humility......the key to any personal growth

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Dad told me, decades ago, to apologize, I hadn't done anything to apologize for. It was humiliating for me. He gloated. I deserve a better father!

[@sadiestoltzfus9798]

Two words I've heard from a narcissist that are dangerous "trust me".

[@bereal6590]

"I'm here for you"

[@dwilliams5700]

They love to say "trust me" !!

[@dwilliams5700]

@@bereal6590you are absolutely right !! I'm here for you and trust me are some of the most dangerous words coming from a Narc !!

[@ursulamargrit]

Yep, 'Trust me', from somebody who is the most untrustworthy person I know! I've never been able to trust him, because he has not proven himself to be worthy of my trust.

[@monaj4079]

The one I was dealing with, first argument he said he will kill me. Second time he will expose my pictures too my son's, and than I acted like I didn't care and told him do what makes you feel happy..... I never send him nude pictures! Than he told me he's gonna extort me, but I've seen it all coming and I put everything on my children's name so extort what🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️ told him I accept everything he will do to me. By the way he is in jail and has 6+ years to go before the state will think he's ready to come out. Yes I know stupid off me thinking he got something good in him cause I know him from when I was a teenager. 2 years I let him do mentally abuse me, now I'm done for real blocked him off all social media.

[@mday3821]

It takes less energy to love than to hate.

[@radianttiger2307]

No exaggerating - every single thing I say, he already knows especially if he doesn't.

[@obscurum6]

I knew a narcissist who knew nothing about physics or any science, but he told someone with an advanced degree in physics that he knew more than they did about quantum physics. So the other person (with the degree) just sat back and let the narcissist talk at them. It was so obvious the narcissist knew nothing. Then he just raged at them. 🙄

[@tinalab7682]

He tells me don't talk,just listen

[@wakeupordie]

Dr C, whenever you verbalize the thoughts going on in the narcissists head, I can't help but to laugh because its so utterly ridiculous, unreasonable, selfish, and childish. Their thinking is profoundly skewed, but this is something they will never be able to acknowledge or take responsibility for. Narcs utilize the same tactics, strategies, and tag lines, seemingly across the board. Its almost like they are a corrupt AI program that's running.

[@darrynreid4500]

"You think ...". This means one is about to get berated, belittled and condemned for whatever it is that the narcissistic person thinks.

[@gregoryritchie7852]

"I know" - favorite college professor advocating life long learning "If you think you have all the answers, you haven't asked enough questions". An answer should lead more importantly to e.g. 10 more questions.

[@roxymovie3938]

A wise man your college professor 👍

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

One of my favorite college professors would use the phrase "If you look like, and quack...you're a duck!"

[@_Renee2]

I have an email from my mother titled ‘Atonement’ and in the email, she claims ‘I know’ and everything that followed after is an exaggeration and a threat.

[@raggedtrousered534]

My narc found out my medication list,my benefit situation ,and I couldn't understand why they would want to know that I've realised it was about knowing but not telling me the narc new,and would only use it to have control over me ..... I,e knowledge is power but in a twisted ,corrupt way

[@williamdillard8330]

I have experienced this, I- Know- Everything, many times from a relative and his brother. It seems this runs in families at times. One overt and the other covert. A true narcissist does not get better with age unless they run into a brick wall. Never depend on a narcissist if you can help it. This family had four sons, two of them really cool, but the others were two sides of the same coin. Narcissists don't always show themselves to everyone. The father told me how the two narcissists really were, and so did the wife of the older brother. Other family members mostly living out of town didn't have a clue. They know when to put their best foot forward.

[@michaeleckert5877]

Narcissistic people think they are all-knowingThen When they find out something new in a interest they have done for a long time ,they become very quiet.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

They're delusional!

[@denisesatt7044]

Sometimes it is amazing how timely your topics can fit with my daily experience. Thank you so much

[@kipliethurlow9091]

Im freaking out. Im in a dure situation. My son won't help. He says its in my mind and he will never believe it

[@tbunnyshy1]

Yes and no? Yes means you will owe them. No means you better comply.

[@aaronkwolfe]

Ooh. That’s good.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I don't owe my dad diddlysquat! I don't obey him!

[@ariesram32777]

On numerous occasions, my stepfather told my HUSBAND “remember, I’ll always know her better than you”. So weird…

[@fred.k9875]

Two kind of people make me happy, the one think I know like Dr.C and the other kind who think I don’t know like narcissists. It doesn’t matter what we know and don’t know at the end will be judge by the love we have for each other.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it, Fred.

[@Dana-gj5hr]

My narc mom has never learned anything new in my lifetime. If she wants to "sound intelligent" (in her mind), she says, "They say...." quoting no one/no authority or "I'm not stupid...." blah blah blah. If you try to share the current state of knowledge or understanding about any topic (even if it's in the field you have a doctorate in :) ), she pauses then dismisses your input with "Well....I don't know about that...." This is not an admission that she doesn't know something - it's simply meant as "you can't be right....." and she proceeds along with her head empty of all but cotton-fluff, never disturbed by the addition of new information..... At worst, she never grows, at best, it's entertaining (if you can keep your sense of humor intact). Thx, Dr C

[@kellyandaaron2005]

'Trust me'...If I'd have known that was impossible, I would have gone no contact sooner.

[@aaronkwolfe]

An urge for trust is now a red flag. And should be.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

That's when I run far away from the narc(dad)! No contact since Easter 2024! Blessed peace and quiet!

[@doriannemosich232]

"I KNOW" also means I can't learn I am uneducable. "I'll never learned from catastrophic mistakes, give me permission to kill, steal destroy repeat." oh & BTW ... it's all your fault.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So accurate!

[@crisscross333]

They love to use these two words too: "BELIEVE ME"

[@lindalarson5468]

This explains so much, Dr. C! My narcissistic MIL will ask me a legal question (I'm a retired lawyer) and then argue vehemently about whatever I say, every single time. I actually laugh out loud because she has no legal knowledge or experience whatsoever, which only enrages her more. She refuses to back down and tried to create a huge fight about the subject. She does the same thing with my husband regarding his profession. It is DOMINANCE! Wow. The light just came on.

[@angellollar1083]

My husband of 45 years does the same. I have 45 years in medical field with degrees. They don't get it. They like to argue.

[@sheilaabrahams1322]

It happens to me as well with a certain narcissistic relative. I will purposely throw in a legal term or theory that they don't understand and watch the blank stare in their eyes. Yet they will continue to insist that they are right. It's about control, not knowledge. It may also be an attempt at gaslighting.

[@sheilajac]

i have to take a guess! "YOU ARE".....(whatever they actually are). i've also been told i have no rights, that I'M "despicable" a "stupid little B" etc etc. i didn't realize at the time, that they felt these ways about themselves...and that's what they REALLY want to control. your perceptions; of them and yourself. awareness of who THEY really are, is what they don't want you to see!

[@Hatbox948]

I've been called a "stupid, ugly beach" by my ex narc too so I can totally sympathize.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

My ex hubby called my lots of colourful names. I think he must have gone through the alphabet 😳

[@sheilajac]

@@Hatbox948 both parents, all my life. now, my brother, totally behind my back. funny/not funny - my mom has always called him a "n'er do well" behind his back. it's pretty true...but i guess she felt that way about herself as well. i believe her mom was a narc, too. turned her against her dad, completely. it's really pretty tragic when you see thru it all. so many lives wasted, all because no one was willing to yank themselves out of denial or chose to stay stuck in pride, envy, whatever dark spirit they have attached to them

[@kamicrum4408]

Ill take care of it. Then didnt.of course!

[@sandrathomas2893]

​@@sheilajacpride and envy 💥

[@hld123]

Thank you Dr Carter - you are helping me heal.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased!

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

I try to use disclaimers. I know from my experience and what I have learned from others. I just had this happen in another group. I was vulnerable and she went on to tell me what I needed to do and a woman began with "you should".... I got triggered and set a clear boundary. Then another woman judged me for being wrong in my response. I'm angry and I'm not willing in this group to unwind all I see. Not the place for me to be vulnerable.

[@caroleminke6116]

I’m not tolerating victim blaming anymore so when someone tries to tell me what I should do, such as forgive a narcissist, then I just counter with something like I no longer accept victim shaming from you or anyone who has not walked a mile in my shoes 👠 maybe next time I’ll take them off & offer them my stinky sneakers!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

YOU said....

[@lishmahlishmah]

This is scary, too 😳 Because it will be a perfect trap if we are not ready to slide the topic elsewhere and get out of the conversation right away

[@Hatbox948]

Right. This is one I heard often too. The problem was he twisted any and everything I said around.

[@roxymovie3938]

@amandaliverpool3374 @Lishmalishmah @Hatbox948 I've heard "You said..." quite often from the sociopath. It's an attack in form of an accusation and will, like Hatbox said, often used for being twisted around. Lishma, I think it is much more scary when somebody says to you, "You are..." for this means the other person is attacking you really on your being, which can hurt you from the inside out. Wishing the three of you a very peaceful weekend with lots of sunshine 🙏💛💛💛🙏🌿☀️🌱☀️🍀☀️

[@roxymovie3938]

I've heard "You said..." quite often from the sociopath. It's an attack in form of an accusation and will, like Hatbox said, often used for being twisted around. Lishma, I think it is much more scary when somebody says to you, "You are..." for this means the other person is attacking you really on your being, which can hurt you from the inside out. Wishing the three of you a very peaceful weekend with lots of sunshine🙏💛💛💛🙏🌿☀️🌱☀️🍀☀️

[@lishmahlishmah]

@@roxymovie3938 Well, then, at this point... I think I have the whole collection 🤔🥴 One for all, "you are stubborn" ... any time I had a slightly different opinion or my own way of doing a work (with very little differences of "procedure"). "Here you are, so stubborn!". I can still remember the contemptuous voice... Now. I'm happy I was and I am stubborn 😂 . That's to say, I managed to save at least a little bit of my own personality. Bc the "alternative" would have been serious.

[@melissabryant2251]

"I Know".

[@roxymovie3938]

Two dangerous words coming from a Narc: "I know!" 1. Only one way, "Let me tell you!" (dominating you) 2. Doling out unsolicited advice (criticizing you) 3. No need to listen to you (Ignoring you) 4. Sets up lots of anger sub-categories (annoyance, frustration, tension) 5. They excuse their anger because you are the one who is ignorant, uninformed (blame shifting) 6. Need having the final word (They need to win) >> Alltogether = miserable communication style, which means miserable interactions Be aware: > Narcs have to park in certainty > They are deeply confused by complexity > Therefor they are prone to simplistic thinking > They are quick to shame and judge > Heavy use of confirmation bias > They are too busy being right Healthy mindset: 》No one is complete 》We all are a work in progress 》We can embrace what we do and don't know 》Admitting the need to know leads to more learning, expanding and growth 》Humility is essential for ongoing growth Dr Carter 👨‍🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So good, Roxy!!!

[@roxymovie3938]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks so much, Dr Carter!

[@lishmahlishmah]

*"They are too busy being right"* . Truly, a full time activity 😑😑😑😑 Together with all their anxiety (in being right) poured into their targets/scapegoats. When we learn to leave their anxiety in their hands... They began to feel it, and they don't know why. (Then, they try to go&attack. Note. I wrote "they try". I didn't wrote "they succeed" ☺️) Thank you Roxy 💖

[@roxymovie3938]

@@lishmahlishmah You are very welcome, Lishma and thank you for your response❣ Yes, indeed, "too busy being right" also means there is no space left for anything else...and they always try to attack you once more for everything is a threat to them...and being ignored is a huge threat for it destroys there whole masquerade, facade and they are confronted with their deepest anxiety.

[@judyhogarth80]

Thanks again. Sometimes when I am feeling down I watch one of your sessions. They perk me up.basically every time the narcissist I know says he knows something….he doesn’t. He is a million miles away from the truth he doesn’t even know what bin to recycle. And that happens every week. He’s hopeless. Another narcissist I know likes to have the last word , enjoys an audience, and especially likes to be right and to know… so her comment was ‘ your front garden has no,colour in it. That’s sheer laziness’. I stood there with my mouth open. Green, yellow, black white ARE colours. And anyway, what do I care what she thinks? I like my garden my way. I am happy with it. I don’t need to worry about what she thinks. Her views are simplicities and she is very quick to judge. Who cares what she she thinks.thanks for giving me the confidence to stand up to her bullying. Really I just ignore her and walk off. I have a life and I don’t need people like her.I like being kind and loving and I have loads of friends. That is what matters. Thanks so much.judy

[@npa2468]

That person is a covert narc. They are always criticizing and judging but it's based off their insecurities and lack of self worth not truth. They fake it like they are perfect and the greatest people. They like to play the victim card . They never take accountability for anything and are extremely selfish always craving attention. My mother and older brother are both covert narcissists. They will search for information just to try and hate or use it against you.

[@gillianbrookwell1678]

Narcissists hate Confrontation; try to confront them with this and they either shut down or walk away.

[@cynthiawhite1122]

OMG argue relentlessly...can't ever consider another thought that is not their own.

[@michelepascoe6068]

I know that I make mistakes and don't know everything about everyone and every topic. The narcissist knows they know all that and any mistake was someone else's fault. They know and they can tell a (changeable) story to prove it. They know what the neighbour is thinking and what the dog is thinking, and they have a story about that too. 😆

[@AnneG.315]

My daughter in law criticized many things I did. When she was about 30 years old she said, ‘If you ever want to know the right thing to do just ask me, I always know the right answer’. Our son started acting more like her in the last few years and we are now alienated from our teenage grandchildren.

[@HandbrakeBiscuit]

...and there I was thinking the words would be "you're right..." ;)

[@bellaluv4890]

Where I grew up, people would generally say "I know" when they agreed with someone,, I think I understand what it is you mean though.

[@rlong8038]

I expect. You to read my mind.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Who are you? "The Amazing Kreskin?"(no sarcasm meant here)!

[@michaelfox9750]

Religious narcissism described to a ‘T’. The ultimate’I know’.

[@joana.6736]

Right, to keep people in a systemic bondage. I have seen too much abuse in this realm.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Yeah, right!

[@MagicalCreations-fw7pj]

I thought it would be "You'll Pay!" Such petty threats that are fulfilled by calling on the worst in other people that they know will work for certain. They summon other peoples hatred!!! Always works too!

[@sawdustadikt979]

These examples are every academic and Christian I have ever met. I look forward to meeting one that has an ounce of actual humility. Probably a few of you in here have that humility. I look forward to meeting that person in front of me and shaking their hand. But this video gives me a great answer to my question “why are they like that?” Thanks doc!

[@sharontalley2155]

The narcissist liked to tell me "you're going to pay." When I had done nothing or said anything.

[@KathleenBristol-rv3xz]

My husband narc. Two words he always said,and still says, I know!

[@rgntptchr29]

This is spot on. My ex and I learned a better way to communicate in therapy (found out she went only because I needed fixed) but when I asked her to use that style because it made me feel much closer to her and I understood her better, her response was "no, you need to hear what I have to say" and then went on her usual half hour verbal blast

[@allanwalli2935]

My wife and I heard the exact same words from a girlfriend of hers. Very intelligent person, but no self awareness, and no consideration for others feelings, only her own. You know the drill. Completely self destructive, and so sad.

[@kimberlymccracken747]

Also, my husband tends to have some rigidity around his opinions. Makes it difficult at times to get into the complexities of situations and problem solve together.

[@sw6454]

He calls everything I say as Diatribe. He takes note of how long my diatribe goes on for. He should have been a politician.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Or a scribe!

[@BaraSchmidt]

Sure, they "know." Its easy to "know" everything when you are the author, editor, publisher and distributor of every manufactured truth and coerced piece of info you've curated.

[@debrasullenberger1917]

There's my favorite puppy! Hi Gus! ❤❤❤❤❤

[@elizabethroessner8487]

Thank you for telling us the name of your good boy is "Gus."

[@Stacileahstar]

Thank you for making these videos. They have helped me so much.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad you like them!

[@mastervic6230]

Mhhh, "I care or, trust me."

[@caroleminke6116]

No one understands that trusting a narc is like the slippery slope to hell! Never a good outcome for you…

[@mastervic6230]

@@caroleminke6116...how can I put it? I have always viewed myself as not average. Somehow, when I thought about the words, "Narcissist," I never viewed it as the people I know. When I noticed, first I introspected to make sure I wasn't some sort of a covert narcissist myself; then I looked at them. There was a problem; now I have new friends. What I mean by that is, that most people fail to see who they are with until is too little too late.

[@sharisimonehampton5434]

"UGLY" is a great description! It's incredibly difficult to have any type of conversation with a narcissist. Personally, I do my best to avoid it. And that is equally as difficult, especially when we co habitate. It's a challenge daily. Lol... Thanks for this video. Your healthy advice helps in ways you'll be happy to hear. You're a lifesaver, Doc! 😉👍❤

[@karreevaughan4674]

I so relate to this statement (unfortunately)

[@schizorap]

Ugly indeed

[@tyremanguitars]

funnily enough, my dad's favourite phrase is 'I know' often when it's a subject he knows nothing about, I like to think of the zen buddhist philosophy of the empty cup, we all know a lot less than we think we do.

[@roxymovie3938]

My mother's favourite sentence is, "I know better than you, better than anybody..." bla bla bla ... And I think you are absolutely right that they say these sentences especially when they know in fact nothing at all. When I reflect on my own life I thought in my 20th I would know a lot with the result now in my 50th that I hardly know anything. Because life is indeed a mystery and you can only really learn by making mistakes.

[@melissahale6645]

This is so very true and I have heard this so often from a preacher who kept telling us he knew what we were thinking, etc and proceeded to tell us nothing that we were thinking. What he did was extremely obnoxious and overt. Everyone knew he was doing this, and much more, and yet there are still people who protect him willingly and have turned in us. My mom is one of them and she has ostracized us completely. It hurts but I will heal.

[@barbarabrennan1753]

The most painful part of my dilemma, beyond never seeing my son, is not having my sexual needs met by a decent man. Since all the men around me are there because they are connected to my narcissist. Being free to be with a man who treats me well and not part of the game set up being told how to handle me by the narcissist who wants me humiliated in front of strangers is impossible. He's like a lion at the gate of my engagement in life. He's decided he's God.

[@allanwalli2935]

As a sensitive man who loves women, I have met quite a few with feelings like yours, Barbara. A couple of them are friends of my wife. This can be such a trap. Don’t be pulled in. Love yourself enough not to be exploited by those feelings. Trust that the right kind of man will be drawn to you. It will happen. All the best!

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

Thank you bunches and bunches Dr. C and Gus. From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA

[@alphaomegaambassador4978]

Or the flip side is the narcissist rarely or ever says, "I don't know."

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yup!