What If The Narcissist Is Someone You Love?

Often individuals say they believe it's possible to enjoy life despite a narcissist's disruptions...unless that narcissist is someone who holds a dear place in their hearts. Then (presumably) healing seems elusive. Dr. Les Carter discusses moving forward even when that person is highly valued yet unwilling to join your efforts.
If you are interested in online therapy, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. Go to our sponsor betterhelp.com... for 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help.
Sign up for Dr. Carter's course: Ready, Set, Connect
courses.surviv...
Get 20% off when you use the coupon code: rsc20youtube
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his KZbin channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
Join the Team Healthy community HERE: survivingnarci...
Check out videos, articles, quizzes, and more at our website: survivingnarci...
You can follow Surviving Narcissism on:
Twitter: @SNarcissism101
Instagram: @survivingnarcissism101
Facebook: @survivingnarcissism101
Dr. Carter has two other courses that you may find to be useful:
Free to Be: Reclaim & rediscover your uniqueness survivingnarci...
This Is Me: Setting boundaries with the controllers in your life survivingnarci...
Dr. Carter's personal website: drlescarter.com/
Dr. Carter's other KZbin channel: / drlescarter
Bookstore: survivingnarci...

[@sturobertson6791]

Trust your gut. If someone says they love you but you dont FEEL loved, something is wrong.

[@sandrawamerdam2219]

That is the best indicator. I completely agree. My gut has been right everytime.

[@ericking4072]

​@@sandrawamerdam2219AND I LOVED HER SO MUCH I IGNORED MY GUT FOR 4 YEARS.HUGE REGRET😢

[@aaronkwolfe]

Beware: a love bomb FEELS like love.

[@Debbie-pq4xr]

So true, actions speak louder than words.

[@sturobertson6791]

​@aaronkwolfe Exactly Aaron! I guess that's why awareness, emotional growth, ability to see red flags, being able to 'observe' behaviour objectively, even in a romantic context, is SO important. Worse thing is, a narc KNOWS they are doing love bombing, so deceitful!!!

[@optical-illusion9996]

You want to love them in a healthy relationship, they want to hate you in a toxic relationship!

[@annjohnson8437]

You hit the nail on the head. I'm living that scenario right now. 😢

[@marilynng4337]

@@annjohnson8437me too My daughter-in-law made it clear she is unwilling to love

[@Deutungshoheit]

I wouldn’t say they want to hate you. They want to be worshipped and dominate you.

[@RRthee1]

This is so well put!

[@user-iq4jh8jo3o]

What hurts the most is when you understand that the spouse you loved never existed. Very hard not to feel like a fool…

[@TrailerHitchRVCenter]

Same

[@diane19456]

Me too. My love was never really reciprocated. 😢

[@ericb8413]

It’s not your fault. You’re not a fool.

[@a.pepper6687]

The thing to keep in mind is YOUR love was REAL. Remember the good moments you enjoyed in your life. We may have been fooled but we are not a fool to have loved. We are authentic people who have been tricked by very clever and devious people.

[@user-iq4jh8jo3o]

We may have been fooled but we are not a fool to have loved. So true and soothing. Thanks for this positive outlook, this team healthy keeps on amazing me 😍

[@kiv_daniels]

I’ve learnt to accept that I loved them but they never loved me, they’re not capable of loving me, they don’t have it in them to love me. That’s why the empathy that I had for them, they never had for me. No matter what I did they never liked me and they loved others even when they didn’t put in any effort. Now that I’ve accepted they can never love me, they’re trying to prove they love me, but I want love that is sincere, I’m finally over them.

[@carrie6157]

🙏

[@charlesp.8555]

I’ve just gotten to that point as well.

[@elcee7800]

Well said! You literally untangled the words. This applied exactly to my situation also. As if this isn’t bad enough, putting everyone before you is what pops the balloon. Can’t live with being diminished while exuding all the love.

[@dennyfie]

My narc.ex-gf was not capable of true love what is sad she was my High school love,let her back in 45 years later and it about killed me literally. Over now thank you Lord..what a waste of energy.

[@Hatbox948]

I think many times it is a spouse or close family member who is a narcissist. It compounds the problem.

[@caroleminke6116]

A narcissist in every family ❤️‍🩹

[@sobergeekxii4707]

Father, mother, sister, grandmother. I had to take my wife and kids and walk away. No contact. We had our church come alongside and be a surrogate family. Because of these 4 people, I had identity, self worth, and generational issues. My wife and I were both from broken homes. We covenanted to break the cycle. Our kids are really awesome. My wife and I continue to work on ourselves and God is changing us.

[@joycestewart7227]

Just don’t forget the 5th commandment because it doesn’t have any conditions!!

[@kellyandaaron2005]

The more I loved and cared for him, the more angry he became. Occasionally he desired my affection, but he expected me to read his mind & know it. I was damned when I provided it and damned when I didn't.

[@BA-vx7gb]

When you are damned it you do and damned if you don’t… it’s called the double bind …a manipulation tactic that narcissists do to trick you ….to have a go at you with criticising you and scolding you … no matter what you do it will never be right ! They make you explain your concern then criticise you for it …

[@prechagirl]

same, my ex could go hot and cold, seemingly loving one day cold distant and angry the next, eventually the cold, distant angry was what he ended up being all the time, just overnight

[@dennyfie]

​@@prechagirlmine was hot/ cold within minutes. Strangest thing I ever been thru.never again I guess I got lucky in relationships iam 61 and I never was abused before this. Glad it's over.

[@marilynvallance]

I really identify with you.

[@aaronkwolfe]

Dang it, I made vows with that woman. I tried for over 25 years. Being discarded was my best way out, I’d imagine.

[@aaronkwolfe]

Knowing they hate you, makes it a bit easier, somehow.

[@amandaroberts6282]

I wish that were true . Well it probably is but mine turns a switch and can be so loving and caring but the minute I disagree it’s on . That’s why it’s hard for me because I can see some good I think..

[@amandaroberts6282]

Maybe it’s trauma bond I don’t know this is all new to me.

[@sturobertson6791]

​@aaronkwolfe Hi Aaron. Learning that they never really loved you was a great help for me. Stopped me hurting, reminiscing, etc. A later step in healing was to view this with no bitterness or anger, just gratitude that it helped me learn much about emotional growth

[@sturobertson6791]

​@amandaroberts6282 Hi Amanda. When it's new it can all feel a bit weird, and you may still be hurting. Keep listening, reading, learning and focus on (re) discovering that YOU have healthy qualities. Know, learn, believe that you are NOT the bad crazy one and that you can have a happy healthy life by nurturing your relationships with other healthy peeps / friends / fam etc

[@realhealing7802]

I have never felt loved by my immediate family. I grew up in a cold and distant toxic family. No hugs. No, I love you. But, they expected me to make them look good.

[@susanmercurio1060]

My childhood family was like that, with the addition of all kinds of abuse.

[@phoenix333333333]

Doesn’t matter who the narc is or how you feel about them. RUN as fast and as far as you can. Then you can commence healing.

[@schizorap]

Run indeed. I am in the initial stages of going no contact, just for financial reasons I am still in their orbit of chaos

[@ericking4072]

​​@@schizorapI WASTED 4+YEARS,OCEANS OF TEARS,HUNDREDS OF K'S OF$$$,ALL OF MY ENERGY&SANITY.SHE MULTI DISCARDED ME I THOUGHT I COULD LOVE HER TO SENSE.I HAD TO BLOCK HER LAST NIGHT.COULDN'T TAKE ANY MORE😢

[@MillieBarnes]

I am so deeply grateful for you finally addressing this issue. My daughter is almost 40 and is a raging narcissist with other issues and I finally just have to not let her in my life anymore but it's heartbreaking. She tried to use her triplets as a way to control me and for me that was the last straw.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It's painful, yet I hope you can find peace.

[@Holeysocks464]

You are not alone, with us it’s our son, similar age. It is a very very tough decision but we now understand it’s the only way to maintain sanity. It’s been close to two years of Almost no contact. We look at it as setting him free from us as an excuse or enabler that may slow down his growth. No matter how slow that growth appears.

[@musikrantproductions7281]

You're not alone. My 48 year old daughter has raged and treated me for decades with no respect unless she is angling for something. She crossed the line of civility and maturity (4) years ago. I'm done, and she knows it by slinking away and throwing me under her husband's family rug. For years, I regulated my every word to her to avoid a blaming tantrum ... so give yourself a loving pat on your back for being a survivor ❤. It's what you deserve.

[@susanmercurio1060]

My daughter is a passive-aggressive covert narcissist, so I understand what you're going through.

[@whistlinfreedom]

I've got one narc ex husband who has poisoned my children beyond recognition... parental alienation is the tip of that throw mum under the bus iceberg to qualify to inherit. It was only through watching and learning from Dr. C. I found the courage to step completely back. I have chosen to love them from a safe distance with no contact. Using my only grand daughter against me was the very last straw. I'm beyond done with the lies, the false judgement, and the cruelty of it all. Life goes on ❤ after you allow yourself to grieve the loss.

[@fred.k9875]

We become Entrained Echo of Narcissus when in relationships with narcissist.

[@watchmeheal1176]

“High awareness comes with a price” absolutely does💯💯💯💯

[@bethgotts8031]

Wow “high ideals come with a price.” That really sums up the crappy feeling I have when no love is reciprocated . Really hits home.

[@bethgotts8031]

So this morning my Covert elderly mother, whom I live with to help take care of, neglected to communicate with me when she dropped a large amount of water somehow on the floor. (she uses a walker full time and it’s not safe for her to be reaching down to the ground to clean up spills. She has a phone to text or call, she also has a voice and could call out as I’m just on the lower level and could easily hear her. I came up stairs and noticed the wet towels hanging and simply asked her about it. She immediately snapped at me; “l need to be independent”. And a few other nasty come back comments. I firmly and calmly replied that I’m just a text or call away and for safety purposes, she can reach out at anytime. ( this is an often repeated conversation). She hates conflict & in fear of it, this AM & quickly avoided further discussion or reply. An hour later, flying monkey sister is at the house as I return from an errand. It’s blatantly obviously that mom has been starting yet another false smear about me. I’m hoping to physically move out in the next couple of months bc to be honest, the environment is so toxic and it feels like I’m often being backed into a corner from every direction and it is not healthy for me anymore to me myself and continue to take good care of me, & I have no support here. In the meantime, Dr. C., What might be the best way(s) to manage circumstances like this while keeping my sanity? Thanks in advance. Feeling frustrated today.

[@nancytwigg4631]

Don't ever hand over your personal stability to anyone, least of all an anti-love person. I was so taken. It hurt like hell. I am grateful, strong, and so blessed for my upbringing as an individual of love, knowing the difference between right and wrong. I love that I have the gift of being able to truly love and not lie!

[@sueg2658]

They demand their so called “loved one” to grovel at their feet 24/7/365! That was my experience. And I put up with abuse for well over 20+ years. The day I filed for divorce was the most freeing day for me and also set into motion the most life threating period for me. And I would do it again in a heartbeat. Thank you Dr. Carter.

[@darinsmith2458]

The more aware I become the more denial I realize that I am in..

[@karenwinstanley7939]

Aw your dog looks comfy behind you.. cute 🥰

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus is zen.

[@hopefuls3976]

Same thought man's best friend🦮😏

[@BaraSchmidt]

Been there, done that, built a merch hut...twice! While the "relationships" in fact weren't - they were DICtatorships (judgemental, conditional and critical) - I am grateful. For the experience, for the validation of my soul-driven knowledge that the issues were theirs and solidifying for me that I am enough and will always be! You will PERMANENTLY be too much- or not enough- for the WRONG people you engage with! Knowing yourself, trusting your gut instincts and reconnecting with your healthy will keep your path of authenticity and truth well lit! Be Well. Be Blessed! Thank you Dr C, SIR GUS and Team Healthy for embodying healthy!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Bara.

[@shar6507]

I always get the feeling with narcissists that I am both too much and not enough to the same person. Everything about myself is viewed negatively one way or the other. And like you said, there's nothing you can do to change it. They are wedded to what they want to believe. That's how you know you're dealing with a narcissist.

[@BaraSchmidt]

@@shar6507 Your feelings are spot on. We learn that the narcissist will change their clothes, partners, even tactics, but...they will never change. It's so important for those of us on the side of healthy to remember no one has the right to define us! Stay Healthy!

[@amyremington381]

Thank you, Dr. Carter. This is the video I have been praying for. I loved him so much. The grief is great. The pain is real. Thank you for addressing this. 30 years and now I have to fashion a life from the ashes. I am so grateful for you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased for you!

[@l.5832]

When they refuse to respond to the statement "I am equal to you".....that's the time to leave.

[@ro7547]

Thank you, Dr. C. It’s so difficult not to receive back, at least, some of what we give.

[@steveguitarman1488]

Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have an obligation to never disappoint them.

[@billywinningham8879]

Don’t set your self on fire to keep theme warm 😮

[@shar6507]

I think you outdid yourself Dr. C, if that’s possible. Brilliantly analytical and wonderfully affirming. God help us all who are in narcissistic families.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it resonated!

[@fred.k9875]

Narcissist is a narcissist, there’s no any other way of seeing him or her!

[@steveself9314]

what if it's your child?

[@spunkey46]

U send them to therapist​@@steveself9314

[@spunkey46]

@@steveself9314 send them to a counselor if it's ur kid. Do it now b4 it's too late

[@hiannahgus574]

@@steveself9314 Or your only parent?

[@SallyKlee]

Easier said than felt... but yes, abuser is abuser

[@JR-ej9up]

I love how everything I think and feel and express is appropriated and then weaponized against me. If I go unheard, they are unheard. If I speak up about me being unheard, and they are backed into a corner per se, They literally will use the last tool in their tool box and state who cares or I don't care something of the like. Because it's not who cares. It's They don't care. Because they don't have the ability to care about others in that way. Unfortunately when you learn them and choose not to agree with them, You're being difficult, of course for their manipulations. And of course, Your reputation gets slung thru the mud as they talk about you to others, to isolate you and smirk and smile that this is happening to you. They truly have an evil streak that honestly only hurts them. Sad people indeed. But I'm Happy I walk away now. I don't get upset. I give minimal attention, which is what they want anyway. And I refuse to be a controlled individual. Calling me difficult is pure gaslighting. Saying they can't talk. And they're right. At this point I Don't want to hear anything more they have to say. Spot on by them.

[@laurelletieman4943]

What a wild ride its been the past 2 years as the blinders have come off! I'm still in the process. What helped was realizing that, without respect for each others differences, it isn't love. When I catch my motives "in the bud" i can avoid the narc snares. If I feel guilt or shame or fear of the narcissist, then I'm not operating out of love. The big question my sibs asked (both parents and them are solid narcs) was, "Would you feel guilty if they died?" That was a key question. 63 years of being yanked around by apron "springs", and i finally put personal responsibility where it belongs. No longer a fixer! Now in recovery, I'm talking to the next generation, and they are listening! TY for being a groundbreaking, truth- telling, upright and fearless man of God! If not for him, I wouldn't find freedom. AWAKE AWARE ALERT 'N ARMED!

[@annettglass7290]

Hey Team Healthy friends 😊♥️

[@suemcq6969]

in the final stages of breaking away, court Monday, to get him to sell the house he didnt want, gets behind in payments on, and I was granted 1/2 the sales of at the time of the divorce. ( it is now 2 years later) I just want to be out of his life for good, heal, and move on with mine.

[@bayoudawn5621]

This one is determined to let it go to foreclosure, letting it get in worse condition, I guess so there is no profit after pay off? Seems I’ll have to walk away with nothing.

[@suemcq6969]

@@bayoudawn5621 that is exactly why i am forcing the issue.

[@dragonfolkstudios]

As ever Dr. Carter, you've reinforced the path I'm forging every day. "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." The "Optional" factor is hard won and treasured!☮♥

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks!

[@fairygurl9269]

Much Compassion To Those Who Are Grieving 💔❤️‍🩹💞

[@karenwinstanley7939]

He would say no one will ever love you like me.. I said good because this is not the love I wanted so goodbye and good luck with finding love who believes in it the way you do 😂

[@anonymouscm7270]

Hello Gus, Good to see you again🙏🌷🕊💝🤗Hello Dr. C. and Team Healthy🙏🌷🕊💝🤗

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Woof!

[@nina.868]

What if the narcissist I love is my daughter? Your love for your child should be unconditional...

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's what this video addresses.

[@janebraun4482]

Your own daughter is likely in pain much of the time, but does not know it. My late sister, when she acted out my mother, did not engage. One in a while she even got nice to her when she was at her worst. Tough though to deal with.

[@whistlinfreedom]

It's tough getting past the guilt... it makes you feel a failure as a parent and as a person. I have accepted that I have to accept reality where my daughters are concerned and I have allowed myself permission to be happy again after truly grieving their loss... an exceptionally painful process. The main rule of dealing with a narc is don't... run a mile in the opposite direction because they are so very toxic. Unfortunately, this applies to all narcs including family and children. You can't fix a narc. You can't placate a narc. You're a fool to think otherwise. My decision to continue to love them from a healthy distance was and remains the best decision I could make for my sanity and mental health. Yes, we all make mistakes parenting and once the world outside takes over your child's mind, sometimes they become unrecognizable. Holding onto guilt over what's beyond our control is a form of martyrdom, I have come to realise... a fool's game. I want to be happy, I want my daughters to be happy, heck... I even want my ex to be happy. I've had to let it all go and forgive everyone in order to move on, pick up the pieces of my life, and start enjoying this one life I have been given. I have learnt to thank God for my life and all the experiences I have had, from beautiful to ugly. It's all brought me to where I am presently. I'm still me and I have a right to be happy and not carry the burden of guilt for what I did not.

[@BirchWitch]

@@whistlinfreedomvery wise, so difficult. Stay blessed and strong.

[@candleabra1837]

I’m in the same boat. It’s very difficult.

[@juanadrianrobaina5763]

Their actions speak louder than words ,just watch what they are doing and how they treat you,never to their words😮😢

[@amonra9651]

It is amazing how all narcs i met have this mean, unpleasent to look at face. I do not know if it is because i recognise them, but all have this angry like face, which they change from time to time, but always like empty, lack of emotions face.

[@susanmercurio1060]

Recently, I faced the fact that none of the men with whom I had a long-term relationship didn't love me back. They were interested in what they could get from me.

[@notagain779]

@susanmercurio1060, Sadly, way too many people are looking only for what benefit they can get out of being in a relationship. I think that's why so many people now are content to be single. It shouldn't be this way.

[@caroleminke6116]

I have already gone no contact with the family of origin as well as any insignificant others like life partners, but I have radically accepted that one dearly loved individual will probably never outgrow his narcissistic tendencies due to severely arrested development 🐈 Mickey Mouser was abandoned @ McDonald’s before 3 months so he needs me to be his mommy 24/7 & I’m OK with that kind of codependency ♥️

[@roygriend5143]

Your cat is narcistic?

[@spunkey46]

LoL 😅

[@deborahlea5669]

My brother and I sat in my kitchen the other day coming to the realisation that our mother was incapable of loving us. I came to this reality some time ago. My brother had tears in his eyes and said 'This is wrong'. I replied 'yes' but its the truth and its hard.

[@user-rw7xg6wg1h]

I thought there was love but there was nothing but hatred and contempt. Narcissistic parents and toxic family eager hate and embrace lies.

[@OneofMany-yt5sl]

I think my narcissistic family member used to love me, because she acted like she did for about 35 or so years after she turned 35 or 36. I thought she had "grown up". But the last two years brought about a huge deterioration. In the space of one day, one hour, two years ago, she released her rage about my existence and all her anger and resentment toward the family (totally unprovoked by me or any other family member). After that, there was less and less kind words and kind actions and more disrespect and gaslighting than I had seen in decades. She finally had to go to assisted living because she had developed some sort of dementia. I am not really sure what happened, but I suspect she was starting to develop some sort of dementia 2 years ago and the rage and anger toward me was the first sign she dropped all her "false self" masks. I guess this is what we can expect from them when they get old.

[@janebraun4482]

I like where he says, you are not quitting them, you just let them be free as the way they are. If say family members are like this, you have love for them, but recognize they you will deal in civility, if and when they will maintain it. Just learn this condition and be strong for whenever you may deal with them again, and you will have a better sense of calm, knowing exactly what they are doing, and even feel more sorry for them. They won't find true love or connection and this is sad. The usually are self destructive to their own health, too which is so sad.

[@raymondmiller5098]

Another excellent video! I have an idea for a new video: "Characteristics of the Elderly Narcissist". When they are much older and facing the inevitability of death, do they act any differently? Do their dreadful behaviors get mitigated at all or, conversely, do they get worse because of their fear or death (something they can't control)?

[@alphaomegaambassador4978]

Narcs don't age well...

[@mikesmenagerie6392]

God help me❤

[@sreid9740]

So sad and painful; can't watch this to the end. 😢

[@sturobertson6791]

Your comment makes sense, and I'm sure many will understand. May I gently suggest you re frame this thought, and try to see the vid as an opportunity to learn and grow, this is hard to do, but it could be the start of a healing journey, that will eventually bring you peace and joy

[@amandaroberts6282]

This is my issue . I am married to one and he has moved out of the house but still on property . We don’t do anything together anymore . I am told I am hated everyday and to go die . Yet I love him and feel as though I need to help him and I feel so sorry for him because I know he is lost . I am having a hard time struggling with letting go. I know I need to but then he will be alone…I hope this video can shine some light for me.

[@spunkey46]

Pls get counseling. It's a toxic union. Get as far away from this abuser as humanly possible. It's called codependency on a narcissistic abuser. Toxic as hell

[@spunkey46]

Get a restraining order too if need be. Narcissistic are frequently stalkers when u dump them is the most dangerous time. They act out, lash out do everything they can to keep a grip. Run Forest! RUN!

[@sturobertson6791]

Amanda, I agree strongly with the comments above. Please research and learn about code pendency...I did...and it saved me, literally, from a risk of getting stabbed by a woman I thought I loved and adored for years. I endured severe verbal, emotional, psychological and physical abuse. Called police 3 times. They took her away each time and still I invited her back as I was 'stuck' as I gently suggest you may be, through unknowingly being paralysed with code pendency. I took 2 years learning about narcasistic abuse, and finally got the strength to get a court order, called a Non Molestation Order in the UK, with help from the police and The National Centre for Domestic violence. Now, a year and a half free, I can see how blinded I was with codependency. I'm happy, life is calm, and I treasure my healthy friends. Every day I feel grateful. It's so nice and calming, and I can view my nex relationship objectively, without hurting at all, It's not for me to compare my situation with yours, but please learn that NO ONE on earth, especially your husband, has any right to treat you badly. You are worth more, but codependency makes you think you aren't, and somehow you should accept the mistreatment. Sorry this is so long...but please re discover your worth. It's always been there

[@sturobertson6791]

Hi Amanda. I agree strongly with the replies above. Please research and learn about codependency. I did, and it literally saved me from getting stabbed by a woman I thought I adored for years. I endured verbal, emotional, psychological and physical abuse for several years Called police 3 times, who took her away each time. My codependency made me feel 'guity' or bad, or something, and I invited her back each time. 2 years learning here about narsasistic abuse taught me I was paralysed by being unknowingly codependent. I eventually got the strength to get a court order, called a Non Molestation Order here in the UK, and now I have been free, happy and calm for a year and a half. I no longer hurt, reminisce, feel bad, or feel weirdly compelled to invite this toxic abusive person back into my life. Please research codependency. This is what is making you feel like its your job in life to save your husband. It isn't. It's HIS job. Your job is to live your best healthiest life. No-one on Earth has the slightest right to abuse or mistreat you. Please re discover your worth. It's always been there

[@Earthether]

Get farther away a lot farther away. Period

[@jds6964]

My mother is a narcissist as well an alcoholic. She always says "I love you with all of my heart". All the I have felt from her is a superficial love. It hurts so much. I am now 59 years old and only a few months ago did I finally figure that out.

[@azlandlord1636]

As the young people say, "bars"..... Thanks for the break down, it helped me process something I'm going through.. salute!

[@OliverZerioFotografia]

Just realized that I’ve been manipulated for over 34 months. It’s pretty hard and painful to accept that but it’s a proof that he’s not gonna change, simply because he doesn’t care.

[@judystevens6039]

Hi dr carter and gus from Australia 🇦🇺 very good video today something I needed to hear im a mum 80 yrs old my adult son has given me the silent treatment for over a yr now its been so painful but your words today have made me see I need to let go and move on with my life but as I have done in the past I will keep my door open to him I know he is a troubled soul 😢

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome.

[@arielalejandro6900]

hard, very hard indeed, but it's not impossible to let it go. Thanks Dr.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Exactly.

[@imoffhenny4816]

This video brought me to tears 😭 It truly is so hard to let someone go that you love with all your heart and would do anything for.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

This truly is a difficult topic.

[@cheezitsw3279]

Does it seem as if narcissism is just a one-sided perversion of something normal? I want to have someone in my life who thinks I'm special, who gives me something like narcissistic supply, ie, attention. But I expect it to be a two-way street. A narcissist wants people to love them, give them all the attention, to care about them, etc. but they can't reciprocate.

[@amberinthemist7912]

Yes we all want praise and adoration from our loved ones but it is normal to expect that to be reciprocal. With the narc it's as if they want worship.

[@duromusabc]

My sister is a narcissist- I realized it just a few weeks ago

[@kimhumiston2686]

I went no contact 6 months ago with my narcissistic older sister. Once I learned about narcissism, I couldn't ignore her behavior any longer. Her negativity, triangulation, procrastination and verbal abuse was exhausting. My other siblings were not surprised at all. I was the one around her the most.

[@duromusabc]

@@kimhumiston2686I evaluated my past interactions with my sister and I noticed these narcissistic patterns consistently with her - Baiting /the gotcha games Gaslighting Projection Contempt One up one down competition Hijacking conversations Anger/rage Arrogance Invalidating Lies She’s psychologically draining to be with - emotional vampire Walking on egg shells with her Agitation Gossip/smear campaigns behind my back Begging for attention Begging to be superior DARVO Judge harshly /self righteous Virtue signaling/holier than thou/better than thou condescension Digs/pressing buttons covertly

[@FionaC1]

Hard, but important words to hear. Thank you

[@Iamsam-jl5fn]

It is hard to accept that you loved someone who never existed.

[@JackieSuz917]

thank you so much Dr C for some helpful strategies i can use to reach out to my 39 yo son...i began a letter last night, he sent me one last year, with very clear thoughts. he has manipulated me all his life blaming me for everything. it is the most painful experience...i was so accustomed to the mental gymnastics from my mother and siblings, it is a lifetime to learn how to be authentically who i am and communicate that to them...with guidance from God and people as devoted to wellness as yourself! thank you very much!

[@elainesmith5313]

Thank you Dr. C. For confronting this subject. It was sincerely hard to love someone who could not return that love. Many yrs have passed but the sad memories I have often surface. He has been deceased for over 2 yrs now and the pain of loving someone who "could not truly love or accept live is still real for me. It's the deepest hurt I ever felt. You are absolutely right...grief is most necessary for recovery. Oh to really have someone who really loved me. I still long for that....someday! Until then I have my two Aussie's ...they Truly do live me and I them. My wonderful companions!! Love to Guss! Hope he has finally recovered from his I s Back problem!❤

[@t.l.7733]

In the narc's delusional mind, a marriage contract/license to them= legalized slavery. Now, I legally have ownership of you. As the newlyweds celebrate their special day...one's celebrating because they found the love of their life, while their partner's celebrating because they've locked down a lifetime of supply."

[@notagain779]

@t.I.7733, Wow, so well said. Isn't that the truth! Both of my siblings married people who think like this.

[@1stBorn538]

The narcissist is everyone that I Iove... My parents Siblings Son Relatives Friend And ex....

[@cathyaceves8611]

That almost made me cry. I have to let go.

[@willgetthere519]

Such a great video again! I'm loving him still, he's not having it, I am on my way to individuate and grow and become a steady person ❤ thank you

[@kenbehzadi1185]

Thank you Dr. Carter for your words of wisdom on dealing with the difficult situations with a person you love

[@juanadrianrobaina5763]

Love the sleeping dog in tbe couch with his pillow behind him,sooo cute,love your videos 😊

[@l.t.2356]

Thank you so much for this message, Dr. Carter. This is the exact situation I am living with right now. This video is so enlightening and encouraging, Your messages on the narcissistic personality has elevated my life as I apply the necessary strategies to overcome all the hunt, rejection and abuse of all kinds. I have detached, but as you say in this message, I have to be realistic that true love and communication will never be present in my relationship, I consider you one of the most loving, kind, caring and generous people. You always demonstrate true love. There are many fine teachers on the subject of narcissism, but, I feel you are the finest and best. With all due respect to other teachers.

[@mariazalogina677]

Many thanks for this video. It made me feel better and made me understand myself better too!

[@notagain779]

My narcissistic sister-in-law said to my brother on the eve of their wedding: "If you ever leave me, I'll take you for all you're worth." (How romantic) He still married her!!! 🤮 ??? I've always wondered what went wrong in my brother's psychology that he would find this acceptable.

[@cymbolichuman433]

My second Narcisssitic relationsh*t he always say "you hate me" and I would say no...In the end I hated him so much and was such a wreck that I still have nightmares 32 years after the end of Hell!

[@fred.k9875]

I have had every single narcissistic abuse as a child including sexual by my female cousin, I have chosen my path and my place in this world, I still know who I am.

[@debbysmith7129]

I was married for 43 years good marriage and then widowed. I was blind sighted did not think that you can get so many narc out there. Was in a narc relationship for two years. Lucky to excape he discarded me. Was unfaithful. And ran. Said he loved me but it was lie.

[@mollycule2792]

Thank you Dr C, your videos are helping me heal. I am not crazy. My ex made me feel crazy for years, I thought I was the problem. All I wanted was communication. Every time he would twist my words and try to use them against me. He would use information I gave him in confidence against me later on. He never actually loved me. I’m so ashamed I fell for this and thought he actually loved me. My ex is devoid of the ability to love deeply. I wanted to love him. I tried so hard until I lost myself. And it is grief, I’m trying to allow myself to grieve. I’m allowing him to live his life - he’s choosing anti-love. Thank you so much. I can’t express how thankful for your videos I am.

[@d.3243]

..and its my anniversary as I listen to this. So painful. There is definitely a grieving to realizing I'm married, but not. Im so grateful for the anchoring principles taught here, but wow, this is so hard. Im blessed to have the love of God and know love by Him or otherwise Id be crushed

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

My heart is with you.

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

Thank you sooooo much Dr. C and DEAR GUS. From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome, CynthiaAnn

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

@@SurvivingNarcissism smiles

[@trumpeterswan4177]

Who the Son sets free. Is free indeed. I'm free of nsrcd even my children, until they can love.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Check out the song...Who You Say I Am. Hillsong and others have recorded it.

[@kells4723]

​@@SurvivingNarcissismAmen, such a beautiful song! 🙏

[@trumpeterswan4177]

@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you, I will. Your channel has been so very comforting in my journey of 5 years out.

[@amonra9651]

It is funny when you understand their game and give them no emotion and "do not care face" they somehow start to fear you. My narc boss at work i feel is somehow afraid of me. He dehumanizes females at work to the ground, but when wants to know something about my job never calls me directly and ask and always calls females to tell him about how i acomplished my job.😂 Because he knows that i am hard as rock i know his game, when he interracts with me is very nice, pleasent, even he hates me, but somehow afraid of me.😂😅 It is crazy, but i enjoy it.

[@notagain779]

@amonra9651, Yes, I understand. This seems crazy, but it happens! It's good that you can stand apart and just observe and enjoy how crazy people can be!! I had people at my workplace who were just the same way!!

[@aileeneto1399]

I’m really learning a lot from all of your great and very meaningful videos! I love Gus too! ❤😊

[@BudFuddlacker]

My narcissist father who’s caused me so much pain and robbed me of so much is breaking down physically (in his mid 70’s) right in front of my eyes. I don’t expect him to live much longer. I have no idea how to process this. I hate him so much for how he treated me as a child and yet love him like crazy. I don’t know what to do

[@onlychild4332]

Thanks for your informative video again. My daughter doesn’t want to trust anyone after seeing so many abusive narcissists men in the family including her father. I am really getting upset and hurt after seeing her in this trust issues state. Any suggestions to help her because she doesn’t want to see a psychiatrist for help?

[@prisminside8904]

My 18 year old daughter has been abusive to me for many years fuelled by her father’s hatred about me leaving him. I left him because he was abusive … also to my daughter but she is ignoring this now She called me pathetic excuse of a mother and destroyed objects and kicked in doors. She also flung my cat across the room in a fit of rage. I tried to get her therapy so many times but her dad always sabotaged this saying that I was the problem as I was a bad mother. I’ve been a doormat. I’ve been apologising to her over and over when she berated me. 2 month ago I asked her to leave my house. Now my daughter and her dad and his new family (his new wife and the wife’s siblings) have started a smear campaign about me making it look as if I have serious mental health issues and am the abusive one. Our town is small so I avoid being in public. Still I wouldn’t change things. It was time to ask my daughter to leave if she can’t be civil. But my heart is broken every day

[@sherrydickie8459]

My story is alot like yours. I divorced my abusive, alcoholic, drug using husband when my daughter was 6 and my son was 15. I remember their dad telling them they didn't have to mind me. My daughter cut me out of her life almost 2 years ago. Like you, i tried to get her help, took her to counselors. I thought she'd grow out of her abusive teenage behavior. She didn't and just became worse. I dont miss her mistreatment. But my heart breaks every day for my 6 year old granddaughter I'm no longer allowed to see. Its the most pain I've ever felt.💔

[@prisminside8904]

@@Egyptsgirl I always thought parental alienation only could happen when the child does not live with the alienated parent. But she was with me for 9 years before I couldn’t handle the abuse. In a way I feel my ex loved to see me struggle because with her in my house he still had control I’m glad to hear your story turned out well. How old was she when she realised?

[@prisminside8904]

@@sherrydickie8459 I’m so so sorry for your pain. They say only a small percentage of alienated children actually wake up from it. Still I don’t want to give up hope

[@prisminside8904]

@@Egyptsgirl thank you

[@lynnienorris5776]

So Ironic ! Once very loved,my Narc Today despised

[@julienatoli8561]

Wow Dr C .. this particular video is really, really excellent. You explain it perfectly and always help me to know, in my heart that I'm not imagining the toxicity ... Thank you so much for all you do!!! Ace sends his love to Gus❤️🐾🐾

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks so much, Julie!

[@lucyclink9163]

Another brilliantly healing video. Thank you.

[@roytaylor3476]

Dignity, for the past 5 years I've lived alone. but now it's like there is a sign on my front door, No Game Zone.

[@user-pi7mz9tc1j]

Big help tonight♡♡♡♡♡

[@RRthee1]

Thank you for articulating all of this for us to really process.

[@michellelemmons5157]

,Ohhhhhh. I want to listen to you.. I did that. Got burned. They don't listen when you do.

[@kellyjones5133]

Thank you Dr. Carter. I think I have to let go. It's not possible to get real love from this person. I'm constantly attacked and at fault. Everything is made into a conflict. I may consider counseling if I think I can't go on my path alone while trying to limit contact and conversation with this person. Thanks very much.

[@Lamenade]

Narcissism is on a scale

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Correct.

[@andreacook6000]

Thank you, thank you, thank you Les! A blessing if a video again.🙏🐞✨💜

[@piavmes]

Thank you so very much for this podcast Dr. C.

[@michellehill718]

High awareness comes with a price. ✅ Absolutely, Dr. C! A painstaking and necessary truth, to say the least!

[@michellehill718]

And, an assortment of consequences too! I think the main goal is to make those who do understand, doubt and not trust what we have come to absolutely know. However, I would rather have a modicum of freedom than a constant need to be right about anything! Especially those things that have never made good sense from day one!. 🕊️

[@sarahethomas2000]

I didn't see in the link the better help resource. I really need it

[@yobrojoost9497]

The way I've come to see it, my wife is a soul, just like me and all of us. That's the bit I love, that's the part I listen, speak and relate to. And, yes, she has these narcissistic patterns in her personality. When they pop up, I disengage immediately. I don't reward her with an argument or a defence, or even explaining myself. I'll say what I want to say once and then calmly walk away and leave her to her anger fix. And when I come back, she will usually have calmed down and will act as if nothing happened and be all nice again. And, unless something is really bothering me, I will respond in kind. I won't forget though. Incidentally, we are about to have an Ayahuasca experience, I'm very curious as to what the outcome of that will, especially for her. It is said that such an experience dissolves the barrier between the conscious and unconscious mind. It's going to be very interesting...

[@maximusr103]

Thank you so for the solid information. But what if this person is your precious child? When ur heart is in so much pain at the loss of your child it's unbearable .I can't stop crying over the hate he expresses for me. I love my son. How does a parent turn away from their children?

[@t_nels]

Boundaries lead to grayrock. When you are treated so horribly your heart can't help but be affected. 🫂❤️‍🩹 Even when they start to act nice or interested you have to remember everything is a game and for something from you. It is very sad but their are other people in the world who are capable of treating you with kindness.

[@kubek321ez5]

Thank you 😢

[@francesbernard2445]

It is not a pleasant experience being put up on a pedestal. Unless it is a narcissist who has put themselves and their mate too up on one. The narcissist loves being on their on stage pedestal to hide their backstage secrets being collected and being hoarded in closets a double life. Backstage secrets which include almost always needing to have their own way making unreasonable demands for living up to being on that pedestal or else; more than just a little questionable methods and means the narcissist is willing to do when protecting that pedestal; double standards being applied all the way around.

[@angellollar1083]

Thank you. God bless you bunches 🙏 💗

[@alphaomegaambassador4978]

If the one you love is your narc spouse and you don't want to break your Christian wedding vows that you said before God and man....remember, the narc is a liar. The Christian wedding vows the narc made were all lies. You are not bound to remain married to a hypocrite and a liar. Jesus doesn't want his lambs to continue to be unequally yoked to a wolf in sheep's clothing.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You make sense.

[@alphaomegaambassador4978]

@SurvivingNarcissism I just don't understand the Christian Tradition that some proclaim that states a Christian can't divorce their spouse unless physical adultery was committed. What about a self-proclaiming Christian habitually breaking the other 9 commandments? And since when is physical adultery committed in isolation to the other commandments? Usually, adultery involves, at a minimum, lying and coveting. So there's 3 of the 10 commandments broken right there in the one act of adultery. Besides, Jesus didn't use the specific word for adultery when talking about divorce, but a broader word that ranges from physical adultery to spiritual idolatry. And committing either idolatry and/or adultery requires breaking most or all of the other 10 commandment too! Therefore, if your self-proclaiming Christian spouse is a habitual commandment breaker with no love - that is evidence that they are not a Christian. You shall know them by their fruits. 1 Cor 5:11 and 2 Tim 3:5 doesn’t apply to only unmarried Christians.

[@Cherry-kt8zo]

NOT ANYMORE

[@cherylnathanodette]

You can only try for so long but when there is no or very little communication then how can you begin to resolve a broken relationship, it takes two people to make it work, if your partner friend colleague won't step into that space with you guess it's time to stop trying. Wishing everyone a blessed day. Thanks Dr

[@markjayw666]

$25,000 spent in counseling, no change. Private sessions with pastors, no change. Dr. Carter is right on, anyone over 50 on the scale will not change, let alone someone over 96. Move on and learn how to catch theme earlier.

[@user-wv8zz1iv5v]

Ouf! Dreams…From my view It's not love it's addiction or masochistic or? Not love. It's impossible to be healthy and close to this type of person at the same time. Impossible.