7 signs you might have anxious attachment (and not even know it)

Attachment specialist Adam Lane Smith outlines the top 7 signs of anxious attachment and provides a clear path to healing. This 50-minute video is full of practical relationship advice to help you stop worrying and start living a happy life.
Adam explains how childhood experiences wire the anxious attachment brain for fear of abandonment. This drives the 7 common behaviors he outlines. He emphasizes these patterns are learned and can be healed.
Knowledge of your attachment style is key to change. He provides hope by sharing client stories, the psychology behind change, and what secure attachment looks like. Take the first step of self-discovery now.
Key topics:
-Attachment theory and relationships
-Anxious attachment meaning
-Overcoming fear of abandonment
-Changing attachment style
-Healing childhood wounds
-Relationship Coaching - How Adam can directly help you
Watch this playlist: Anxious Attachment Explained | Adam Lane Smith The Attachment Specialist
▶️ • How To Fix Anxious Att...
And you will gain insight into how anxiety manifests in dating, friendships, and marriages. Get actionable communication tips for expressing your needs calmly while respecting a partner's boundaries.
Whether you exhibit anxious attachment yourself or partner with someone who does, these videos provide compassionate understanding and practical advice. Heal your attachments and create secure, lasting bonds full of trust.
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Want to learn your attachment style, and sign up for Adam's weekly newsletter? Click the link below to receive your copy and sign up now.
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If you’ve struggled in dating or marriage and worry you’re not good enough, worry no more. Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith wrote this guide to show you how to stop fearing abandonment and start building healthy relationships. Through his proven step-by-step method for repairing attachment, Adam will teach you what people really want from you, how to give and receive love without fear, what red flags to avoid, and how you can build a lifetime love with a partner you trust.
Slaying Your Fear - A Book For People Who Grapple With Insecurity
www.amazon.com/dp/B07S33YGJZ
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Chapters:
0:00 - Introduction
2:24 - Sign #1: Obsessing Over Small Details
5:20 - Sign #2: Constantly Seeking Reassurance
8:00 - Sign #3: Extreme Fear of Abandonment
11:17 - Sign #4: Hypersensitivity to Your Partner's Moods
15:28 - Sign #5: Discomfort Being Alone
18:21 - Sign #6: Rushed Relationship Progression
21:53 - Sign #7: Frequent Relationship Turmoil
25:10 - You Can Change Anxious Attachment
27:49 - The Science Behind Changing Attachment
31:39 - Real Client Transformation Examples
35:04 - How To Take The First Step
38:24 - What Secure Attachment Feels Like
44:27 - Next Steps and Getting Support

[@jillbeemer5840]

1.Obsessing over small details☑️ 2.Constantly seeking reassurence☑️ 3.Extreme fear of abandonment☑️ 4.Hypersensitivity to your partners' moods☑️ 5.Discomfort being alone☑️ 6.Rushed relationship progression☑️ 7.Frequent relationship turmoil☑️ I guess, 7 out of 7 😅🏆 Thank God for this video 🙏

[@jenniferhammel4948]

Honestly, listening to your videos has been more beneficial for me than any therapist ever has. I’m shocked because I feel like you are describing my life. I’ve only been listening for 2 days. Believe me, I’m here for awhile. Thank you, thank you.🙏🏼

[@ChuckNorris-lf6vo]

Your words have the ability to heal.

[@hubbysswee]

Sitting with my avoidant hubby was excruciating. I wanted to share this video with him but I was worried about his response to my request. I was after all a pro at heavy overactive demands so I knew his brain would scream “danger danger”!!! Well, I tried the verbiage you teach. I kept a calm trusting (myself) affect. I said “hon, may I block off a half hour with you, I’d like to watch the video I was talking about earlier.” Loving the changes he’s been seeing in me since I started binge watching your videos, he agreed to it! Realizing it was 50 minutes long I stopped at 30. We agreed to 30, I wanted to honor 30. I didn’t want to seem tricky and manipulative. Wonderfully he wanted to continue! We talked afterwards. We felt very positive. Adam, you have **literally** saved our marriage! I’m not blowing smoke. After nearly 25 years of marriage, 28 years together, I was separating the silverware. He did a deal breaker (no affair). I didn’t think I could move past it. Thankfully your video fell into my feed. I’ll see you in your other venues. Thankfully.

[@marybuddendeck7304]

😢3 years ago my husband left me suddenly. He knew I suffered from anxiety and dealt with abandonment as my dad died after a long term illness when I was 16. It was so cruel that he left me in the manner that he did. But with much work and counseling and the grace of God mostly- I am doing well now. You WILL be okay! Thank you for these videos as I am learning sooooo much!

[@corrupt_Lurker]

For What it's worth, I HATE looking at this man's face , but he has completely diagnosed my life and I have been watching his videos religiously since I found out about him, so Thank you Mr. Smith

[@AttachmentAdam]

Ha! For what it's worth, I understand this feeling; a personal trainer can look like the Devil himself when you're in the middle of an intense workout. And working on your relationships and attachment can sometimes be more painful than the hardest gym routine. But I'm glad you're sticking with this process, and I'm here to help. Let me know how I can encourage you going forward.

[@verb0ze]

Lol, that's the funniest compliment I've seen on this channel, and just add witty of a response! Such as positive atmosphere here!

[@kaitlin8669]

I don't see anything wrong with his face. He looks good to me

[@FPolydorion]

​​@@kaitlin8669she implies that looking at him kind of reminds her relationship trauma, she doesn't actually hate him (I assumed the person is a she)

[@youareyourintentions1552]

are you for real bro? A backhanded compliment? We wish for you healing , but this was so hard to process that someone who is getting help from this man for FREE and saying they hate his face, where we think he has a great face, personality and expressions, the expressions on his face make it so easy to connect, enjoy and learn from his looooong videos. Masha Allah, may Allah bless you Dear Adam, that’s a very kind reply from you and now we love you more

[@cappygurl]

This a a quality video very consice about what it's like to be an anxiously attached person. I was a fearful avoidant that leaned very anxious. Now I am almost 80% secure in 3 years I was able to do that and my life has taken a 180 degree turn I feel like a different person. I'm just here to say that if you watching are anxious or fearful avoidant you can change. There is a better life waiting for you beyond anxious attachment. ❤

[@AttachmentAdam]

@cappygurl It's inspiring to hear how you've transformed your attachment style and found greater security in relationships. Which strategies or particular insights helped you make the shift?

[@JuanMoreno-wo5yb]

@@AttachmentAdam 3 years he says?!? I am seventy years old and I am at the bottom of a deep bucket and that deep bucket is at the bottom of a deep well! I really feel I could never get out!! I know how negative that sounds but I am after all a nice honest guy! Some characteristics I heard in a previous of your videos gives me some hope because something’s I don’t need to change or obtain because for example I like justice and integrity and those are good for the masculine guy which I need to transform into. Well, literally this could be a lifetime journey for me so let’s do that his thing. Thanks in advance!

[@miakamei1751]

Crazy how much I've changed in just 2 years. The me from back then could relate to all of these signs. But cutting off toxic people, being on very low contact with toxic family members, and surrounding myself with safe and healthy people had changed & regulated my nervous system. Now I'm as cool as a cucumber. But my anxiety still pops up (shortly) during my menstrual phase. I get very moody, very sensitive, very clingy. But a little bit of talking and crying is all it took to calm me down afterwards. Thankfully :3 I also love that "Am I safe? I am safe. Am I safe? Yes I am." Hearing that brought a smile to my face and a bit of tears of joy. Thank you, Mr Adam. I appreciate you :)

[@AttachmentAdam]

It is so thrilling that you're healing like this! Well done on all this work. It sounds like there are times you feel a bit insecure (this can be normal) and then you work back out of it. That's also part of normal life and variance. Keep going in your journey, and let me know how I can help!

[@solutions4tenants141]

Adam thank you for your deeply healing education. May you and your family be blessed at the same level you are giving to our healing community. You are the GOAT of attachment educators.

[@shannamathias4176]

This is awesome, My husband and I are going to watch this together so he can understand me a little bit better. Somehow I snagged a securely attached man and I’m so glad I did.

[@b.tilson5198]

Oh my God! When you relax and sigh a sigh of relief when describing security, it tugs at my heartstrings in such a powerful way. I want that feeling more than I knew before this video. The absence of negative self-talk sounds like fantasy world level dreams to me. How wonderful a world like that must feel.

[@506-siddhantjadhav7]

Man!! I check all the 7 boxes . I could literally be the poster boy for anxious attachment.

[@AttachmentAdam]

The good news is that it's 100% fixable. I've got a lot of ways to do that, and one of the fastest methods is the Attachment Bootcamp, check it out here: adamlanesmith.com/courses/

[@KatErina-ii6ru]

Watching this I realized I’m not 100% anxious in my attachment style.😎 I actually really enjoy being alone at times and will often take trips or vacations alone. I also do notice or feel peoples moods frequently but I’ve really been working and focusing on my self-confidence since I walked away from the ex a year ago (Sociopath, yuck!) and have realised I’m not responsible for them or their moods. That’s their problem 😂 Also have been working on dismantling the people pleaser part of myself. It’s not my job to make everyone happy. So perhaps I’m moving closer towards a secure attachment style now. That would be very nice! 🎉❤

[@valeriezaitzieff1462]

So perhaps your ex was the reason for a lot of your anxiety and incompatability was the real issue?

[@jeffreyerb7139]

@@valeriezaitzieff1462 it’s most likely that he was an avoidant individual and a fallible human being with his own past traumas which is exactly the recipe to trigger the wounds of the anxious attached. The more secure you get the more you see misbehavior as the manifestation of wounds rather than a pathological evil person. Not to suggest tolerating poor behavior, rather to more quickly recognize that someone is unhealthy and incompatible to be in partnership with, and to allow compassion for the human struggle they are going through. At first it can be hard to accept, but then you realize you are only stunting your own growth, as well as humanity’s by demonizing other traumatized human beings. Shalom

[@diane2413]

Actually listening to you makes me think how amazing the mind and body is to protect me when i was too young to be able to protect myself. For me abandonment issues was literally a matter of life and death. My mother would abandon me and leave me for hours in my crib and finally left for good when i was 5. I had some bonding with my paternal grandmother when my parents left me with her and my grandfather. I also had issues when my father remarried when i was 7 and my stepmother demanded perfect behavior and thought my grandmother's influence was in the way so she separated us at a critical time until life intervened and she got pregnant and i had german measles and was sent to stay with my grandmother who was a registered nurse. When I got better i told my grandmother i did not want to go back. My grandmother enrolled me in school and we told my dad i wasnt going back.

[@tomtales5954]

wow the suits are getting better and better

[@876tisha]

Same here. Healing from being fearful avoidant to leaning anxious.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'd love to hear more about your experience. How did that transformation happen?

[@chickndinner2851]

I was the textbook parentified child. The only child of a very young single mother with anorexia, anxiety and depression, I felt I had to be perfect and have very few needs in order to preserve my mother’s fragile mental state. My first stepfather abused and cheated on mom and my second stepfather was an alcoholic. I was left with a wide variety of babysitters and life was chaos. We lived in small house with no personal boundaries and my only stability came from receiving the approval of my mother by being responsible and a good student and basically just giving her no trouble and never asking for too much. I wish I had known about attachment theory a long time ago. I thought I was secure because I’m so independent. I’m now in a relationship with a wonderful but avoidant style man. I got triggered big time and I hope I haven’t done irreparable harm to the relationship in my ignorance. He’s grown fatigued of having to constantly reassure me. Your videos are helping me finally understand why he behaves the way he does. Thank you so much for this channel, Adam! I’m always open to learning and improving and want to read your books, too.

[@AttachmentAdam]

First, I want to thank you so much for sharing your experience. I truly appreciate that. Second, I'm so glad you're finding the help you need and that you're learning from my content. Feel free to reach out if you'd like to access more resources. How do you feel about communicating this to your partner and letting him know doing the work? Do you think it would help?

[@KevinDubois]

Adam, I've never heard attachment styles be explained to clearly before. It's opening my eyes to so much, and more importantly its letting me know that its not all my fault and its okay to struggle with these issues. Thank you for what you're doing.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Absolutely happy to help! It gets so much easier as you continue to learn and do the work, and I'm here for you along the way whenever you need a push.

[@nohasamir3134]

Disorganized attachment videos highly needed please Adam!! I have 5 out of 7 signs but became milder when I started working on my attachment issues 3 years ago. It's an ongoing process (mainly emotional regulation and not spiraling into negative thinking).

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm happy to hear you're doing the work and it being effective. Is there something specific you'd like me to discuss regarding disorganized attachment?

[@nohasamir3134]

@@AttachmentAdam Not sure, but I need to know the exact triggers that swing me from one extreme to the other. I also believe that my issues only appear during conflict (usually unresolved).

[@tomtales5954]

bro, your videos are really helpful. Most of the videos on youtube pinpoint the problem but will tell you to go to therapy. If you don't have money, well good for you. You actually give solution and they work. I actually told the honest discourse today to a friend, and it really made me feel safe....like okay, you want to be honest.....well that is fine he told me. I felt so good. Also the dopamine deprivation is such a good advice. Like, when you are wired to not seek what you love, it is so weird to actually start talking about what you like.

[@blossomwithlotus]

This video has completely changed my life. This is what i have lived with dor 30 years...I am so absolutely grateful for this, wow, thank you so much. God Bless you for your work with the world!! Thank you!! I feel deeply moved, so many questions havs been answered, and Im ready to finally to take back my life, thank you, beyond words. 💗🙏🙏🙌🙌😊🙌🙌🙌🙌✨️

[@iluvitim]

this vdo is gold for all the anxious souls. there is hope, keep working on yourself and become secure

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you! Which part of the video resonated with you most?

[@renewyourmind1815]

I have anxious attachment. The way you mentioned pouring over text messages and obsessing about them resonates with me!! When you were describing that, it reminds me of a dog at the dog park dropping a ball at your feet. You're chatting with other dog owners at the park and you don't realize the ball is at your feet. Minutes go by before you look down to see your dog laying, mouth open panting, STILL watching the ball. That is me! It's, "Oh did I say the wrong thing? Hopefully that made sense. They aren't responding. They are clearly mad." I'm so, so, so sick of feeling this way. As Elizabeth Elliott once said, "Fear arises when we *imagine* that everything depends on us."

[@AttachmentAdam]

It sounds like you're incredibly self-aware of the patterns and behaviors caused by your attachment style, which is a great start. What actions are you taking right now to become more secure?

[@renewyourmind1815]

@AttachmentAdam - Thanks for the response. I feel like knowing this information is half the battle to improving how I operate from here on out. Right now, I'm dating someone who is avoidant attached. Now I understand that when I try to connect and talk about feelings, why he isn't purposely being mean, which makes me obsess over 'finding the right thing to say,' even more so. Now I understand how we were both just operating differently and not out to get each other. I have been talking to him using risk language from some of your other videos. I've also shared 3 videos as well with him. I am not taking things personally now when he doesn't respond the way I thought he would, and I honestly see this as a growth opportunity. I am anxious attached, but I'm very independent too. I like being on my own, but when I get close to people is when I start obsessing. I'm a people pleaser, so if I'm in the middle of something and someone calls, I will drop everything to make time for them. I easily start living for others and drop everything and that is so exhausting!! I'm trying to get better at logical communication, getting into a solid routine and sticking with that to tell others, "sorry I can't come today, I have x, y, z going on."

[@fernandomoralesyt]

Please the same type of video for avoidant attachment type. 🙏🏼

[@AttachmentAdam]

I made a playlist of 5 videos for avoidant attachment style, check them out on the home page of this channel!

[@lea.r4167]

@@AttachmentAdam what is the name of this playlist? Currently only your red-pill playlist is 5 videos long.

[@tymekmanuszak9164]

Thank you kindly Adam. This hits the spot, as it always does haha. Since I found out about attachment (from you on Chris Williamson) a couple months ago I tried to improve myself by will power alone and resisting urges. At times it was very difficult, and looking back at it has caused some regrets, but it did help. That period of "Tymek, get your shit together. Its just in your head" has reduced my anxiety a bit, and definitely made me discover things about myself I was unaware of, like the need for reassurance. Tho it did have an effect, it ended in a crash after a particularly stressful event in my relationship. Since then, I’ve been running away from myself and put my attachment aside as something to deal with later. A couple of days ago I saw your live and asked you a question, your answer made me snap back into reality. I saw how deeply embedded in my mind, thoughts and instincts attachment really is. Thank you once again for that Adam, I really hope your channel grows so more people will learn about attachment. Also, I just need to say that I’m studying pedagogy now for a year, after that I’m moving to study psychology. You and Jordan Peterson have been a strong influence. I doubt you’ll read such a long comment, but it makes me feel good just knowing its here. Thank you, I will buy your book.

[@saurabh7667]

Brilliant work Adam. i am going through your book right now. And this video hits home. i feel grateful that you're making this information available to us.

[@mzkittyvicious68]

Thank you so much, I'm so happy and relieved to have found your channel. As soon as I get paid Tuesday week I'm going to be signing up for your anxious attachment course. I've spent 4 decades truly hating myself and even at times questioning whether i even really exist and especially over the last 12 months i had accepted the fact that this is as good as gets, which has had me struggling with passive s@#%*$@l ideation. You've opened my eyes and mind and shown me that i couldn't have been more wrong and there is hope 🙏

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm deeply moved by your message, and I'm honored to be part of your journey toward healing and self-discovery. It takes immense courage to confront and address these deeply ingrained feelings, and I'm so glad that I have been able to provide some clarity and hope. Your decision to invest in yourself by signing up for the anxious attachment course is a powerful step forward. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there is indeed hope for a brighter future. 🙏

[@Detour-2002]

Thank you Adam for the encouragement to press on with my work to be a better person for myself and family and maybe make friendships along the way and not wanting to be an introvert.

[@IfaKslays]

I love you…that is all😂 No but for real for real, I appreciate you providing free content that ACTUALLY helps!!! I wish I could donate to your channel!!! Sending you so much love and light hun!!

[@jlo1372]

Yay! Was hoping you would do this topic 🙌🏻

[@HustleHabit]

I'm going to have to rewatch this one again. Great work

[@alinaaleksss]

Wow, thank you for the decision-making blueprint! I've been struggling with it for a while, not knowing what the best thing to do is. Very valuable, thank you

[@dinaschmid998]

This is incredible and brings so much understanding about oneselfs behaviour. Thank you for making these videos!

[@KeishaKiger]

This is very helpful! Reminder our relationship with ourselves dictates Everything ! I can see why as a kid I developed anxious attachment . Is there more teachings on how to Fix this ? 😊the attachment boot camp… where is that

[@OlderWomenRock]

I know I have anxious attachment style . It didn’t become obvious until I was in relationship with an Avoidant. The last Guy tipped Me right over the edge . I tried so hard to control my anxiety . I could never feel safe and secure with Him because He didn’t give Me any security Luckily I have a great male friend who understands attachment well Still He couldn’t get Me and to leave despite trying to encourage Me to I was too afraid I just waited to be dumped Twice , recently I was ghosted by Him So 3 times dumped by Him He was the only Man in a very long time I wanted a long term relationship with

[@thegreengatsby9803]

Thank you so much Adam for creating this. This is so useful in understanding how to heal from this ravenous attachment style -- please, please, please don't stop what you are doing

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad it was helpful! I'm just getting started here, we've still got so much to talk about.

[@JessieTheGinger]

Thank you so much for making this video. It brought me to tears hearing what was in my heart finally put into words. I have such a hard time voicing my needs or feelings and I tend to people please WAAAAY to much. To the point where I think they won't like me if I don't do something for them. Even if I know someone is safe and trustworthy, I never feel like I'm safe or like they truly love me. I'm always waiting for the "mask" to come off and they hurt or leave me. I know this isn't healthy and I want to work on it. I want to have trust in myself that not everyone is going to leave me and if they do then I can trust myself to handle it and not be destroyed by it. Do you have any tips on building self trust and confidence to let things go? That I don't have to panic about how things were said or if I did the right thing. That I can just be me. That's what I want. To not be afraid to be me

[@AttachmentAdam]

I am glad this video showed you a path to a more fulfilling and secure life. I'd be glad to help share some steps forward into confidence and self trust, send me an email at [e-mail] and let's talk.

[@chiwbaka]

Wow, I always suspecred i might have an attachment issue but I found out that I scored 5 out of 7 signs with this video! For me I only behave this way with people I perceive to be more attractive than me. I just have to like myself more, believe more in myself!

[@nannuky1128]

ooooh I look forward to the videos about the other three types!

[@erregibi2060]

I've discussed this with my therapist today. Probably one of our hardest sessions to date.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm happy to hear you're doing the work and seeking support. I understand how hard it can be to recognize our patterns and acknowledge them. Did you come up with an action plan together?

[@IgnaPg]

It's been such a treasure to find your videos. Thanks from the bottom of my heart Adam

[@AttachmentAdam]

Wow, thank you. Glad you find them valuable!❤

[@marialoring7623]

I just have to say, you are an awesome person and I love your voice, it sounds like Jack Black.

[@OlderWomenRock]

Oh yes , I love Jack Black

[@bethanytherrell3969]

These traits are the definition of who I am. ALL of them. Should I focus more on healing my own attachment type, or should I focus on loving my husband better who is an ethical dismissive avoidant? We have a lot of turmoil in our relationship especially around communication.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Why not both? Healing your own attachment would help your husband too because you'll be creating a safe environment for both of you. I encourage you to send me an email at [e-mail] so I can share helpful resources about effective communication with you.

[@OlderWomenRock]

I can be alone , I often choose it because it feels safer . I’ve spent years being single but I want a partner , I don’t move fast , I try be cautious Sometimes I might appear to be an avoidant

[@krishnakhigoswami1841]

Adam could we please have more videos like this. More about anxious attachment healing. Please. Sometimes you just need to hear things over and over again in different ways to forever cut off certain bad habits. Thank you grateful for you

[@AttachmentAdam]

I understand. I will keep that in mind in upcoming content. Thank you for that suggestion.

[@rainingpatchouli4476]

Yes this is me, but oddly enough I'm also disorganized 😮

[@darlenejansma109]

Thanks for the helpful information

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad it was helpful!

[@heidifilmer1830]

Thank you Adam, very helpful!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad it was helpful!

[@paulamirabelapetraru9466]

God bless you!you are my lucky star.thank you for all these informations,you really changed my way of thinking and feeling

[@NerdyGirlLiveLove]

Will listen to your book tomorrow.

[@deanschmeichel9792]

The part that scared me most was when you would say “… and then we can talk about it.” But I would like to look into this more. Have a lot of the insecurities and feeling abandoned.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I appreciate your honesty. It's normal to feel scared when confronting insecurities and abandonment issues. Taking steps to explore these feelings is brave. Remember, you're not alone, and support is available. If you need someone to talk to or guidance, please reach out at [e-mail] - Healing is possible.

[@sandram6068]

Wow! Thank you for this free healing session, I am amazed to see how God is using you to help me understand myself and giving me hope to become healthier. Gracias 🙏🏻

[@OlderWomenRock]

My principles , reliability/ dependability, consideration, kindness , humility , honesty ,

[@AttachmentAdam]

Love that!

[@AlexanderKalish]

Ok, so it's 0 out of 7 for me, but I guess I might need to also wait for a video about the signs of avoidant attachment😆

[@OlderWomenRock]

Adam I am hyper vigilant in other areas of my life too. I have fear of flying I wanted my ex to love Me This Man I felt love for It had been such a long time

[@waynesmith4861]

Thank you

[@pwilliams4073]

Thank you so much

[@AttachmentAdam]

You're most welcome. What resonated the most?

[@kbc1883]

This was helpful, thank you. I thought I was anxiously attached and this helped me rule that out. Only one of these slightly applies, so I think I can likely rule that out.

[@earthling7183]

i was neglected as the 5th child. My family abandoned me as an adult. i still have fairly healthy attachment knowing they're all gone, and i'm still okay. i will always have me.❤

[@christaggart5687]

I really hope you do this for avoidant attachment as well!!

[@samcan1000]

Excellent

[@AttachmentAdam]

Tell me what you liked specifically?

[@jaykaye562]

Another great video. Definitely anxious type, maybe mixed with a bit of avoidance too. I enjoy alone time a lot, as well as seeing others. Plus never jump into Rels. The last part was very helpful re looking at Needs, Values, Goals.. thank you

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for sharing! If you ever need guidance please feel free to reach out to me at [e-mail] - I'm here to help.

[@shoebox_kingdom1537]

I feel called out.

[@michaelbugner7011]

All 7. Perfect score. What do I win? I've been doing therapy for a few months now and a mentorship program focused around meditation to let go of anxieties and past trauma. But still, I see bits of all of these things from time to time.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Really glad to hear you are doing the work, and I am glad you are finding value here on the channel!

[@misschris325]

God bless you, Sir.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you so much. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this video!

[@heatherguess518]

Coming from this style there's a huge reason we don't attempt to self soothe. We were punished, made bad and wrong for even attempting to make anything better for ourselves or take responsibility for our own needs. So we ended up in a no win situation where we weren't allowed to fix it and the person who hurt us wouldn't fix it so we just sat in pain.....and the only release was fighting. In my case crying wasn't allowed either. I think this is very important for people to understand about this attachment...... being punished and threatened and hurt worse for trying to take responsibility and care of ourselves and our needs ourselves. Because the abusers wanted us to be helpless and completely dependent so they felt stronger and better due to their level of severe insecurities.

[@diane2413]

What I dont get is for me - i dont spend hours or days but I am fixated on the text messages but only for my partner not anyone else. However its more of second guessing whether i should send the text so if he has not read it yet, i delete it and then delete it for him. I usually make a choice for others i am not going to care about the other texts.

[@rashadm.sadigov4366]

Sign #5 is me and I hate it. When I am alone, self criticism is killing me

[@AttachmentAdam]

It's really tough to be your own worst critic. I encourage you to send me an email at [e-mail] I'll help you move to more self-love, respect, and to build a secure attachment style with the right skills and mindset.

[@rashadm.sadigov4366]

@@AttachmentAdam i have already reached out to you sir. Sent an email about an hour ago

[@diane2413]

Am I disorganized if I lean towards anxious attachment but when I receive pushback or receive insults I have a hard time wanting to stay. My abandonment wound gets triggered and I want to leave and start over.

[@difernandez4899]

I want to change...

[@AttachmentAdam]

I’ll be glad to help, send me an email at [e-mail] and I can share some resources to help you change for good

[@nonenone-n3z]

How about making a video for those of us who want to spot these folks before we end up in a relationship and emotionally attached dealing with this? What are the initial signs to watch for when first dating? I’ve lost 8 years of my life tiptoeing around my now ex’s disorganized attachment and really don’t want to repeat this process with someone else. Please help those of us looking to dodge this emotion land mine!

[@Minarhenaye]

I really want to be free from Anxious Attachment. It’s been years since like middle school I’ve been trying to heal.

[@AttachmentAdam]

It takes specific skills and experiences and I help people build those to achieve secure attachment, you're welcome to email me at [e-mail] and I can share some starting places for you

[@melissasmith8582]

Ok so I'm 26:17 min into this vid. You have definitely described everything about me. I think I may also have fearful avoidment attachment style. Also, it doesn't help that I have ADHD, generalized anxiety, depression and narcissistic mother, whom I want nothing to do with as well as her side of the family. My dad left when I was a toddler. Came back into my life when I was 15yrs. That relationship has not mended. I don't trust him. Apparently I was hurt by a family friend when I was either a baby or a toddler. And the guy i've been seeing for the last two years, He is the dismissive avoidant attachment style. I'm done with the relationship with him. I'm going to finish listening to the rest of this video. Because i'm tired of hurting all the time. And yes, it is exhausting. Had I discovered you at the beginning of the relationship, maybe it could have worked out. Or maybe I could have prevented this relationship from ever starting until I healed my wounds.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Hey there, I am so sorry to hear you’ve been through this much pain. It’s wonderful that you’re learning right now about the truth of your relationship approaches and how they’ve been shaped by others. But your future is open for you to define yourself. Finish this video and then feel free to reach out to me at [e-mail] if you’d like some next steps to healing this attachment and defining your own future.

[@karenpoirier9352]

Seven!!!

[@AttachmentAdam]

All seven means it's time to fix it! There are some key steps to help you accomplish that quickly and I'll be happy to help, you're welcome to email me at [e-mail] if you want some resources

[@priscillarodrigues7599]

adam pls do more videos on healing on anxious attachment

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you for that suggestion. What aspects of anxious attachment would you like to see me discuss?

[@rondicouffer7354]

Great content. Where is the bootcamp info?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you! You can find information about the attachment bootcamp through this link: adamlanesmith.com/attachment-courses/courses/

[@basantidevi2305]

I’m definitely not anxious attachment. My relationships are secure unless I’m with a narcissist and don’t know it until the discard. It’s always HOW they leave or trash you. Anxiety from a real time trauma response is DIFFERENT than an anxious attachment style. After listening to all these I’m definitely secure attachment. Yes secure attached people aren’t invincible. They can get deeply hurt. It’s stupid to assume they don’t. But we can be hurt. But we don’t spend our days needing 24x7 reassurance. We may only need it if the partner suddenly abuses (dealing with an avoidant that pretended not to be an avoidant) as we try and gain true clarity. But avoidant aren’t always honest. Real heartbreak will cause anxiousness but that is not an attachment style. People confuse this all the time. Now that these theories are on display and popular people mistake heartbreak for an attachment style. No, it’s not. If you love no matter what and are unconditionally loving it just is. It’s who you are. That’s who you are.

[@user-df2jx8kc6t]

Great video, I had a mother who was an emotional basket case and an avoidant father that could deal with my mom's outbursts, I feel I bring in these patterns in with my marriage currently. How do the various attachment styles affect marriage.?

[@stevegwizzle3560]

Interesting, sounds just like my parents except my mom leans on the more masculine side a bit and my dad is very passive

[@nicoleroselandstrom137]

Great info! I’m curious to learn more. I’ve tried clicking the links in the description of the video, but it doesn’t take me to the website. Any help with that would be much appreciated!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Hi there, sorry for the confusion, the service provider for my domain went through a technical update last night and cause an outage for a few hours. Everything should be back up and working again! adamlanesmith.com/ or if you run into any more problems please email me directly to [e-mail] and I will have another solution for you 🤝

[@beavergara4756]

Hi pls make more content about repairing anxious attachment style, I noticed most of your content are for avoidants, I appreciate that, but anxious people are struggling too

[@AttachmentAdam]

I hear you. What specific struggles would you like me to address in upcoming videos?

[@beavergara4756]

@@AttachmentAdam Thank you 🤍 how to transition into becoming securely attached

[@mbrewer421]

Can AA be caused by trauma? I had major surgery at 2-3 years old. In the hospital for weeks. Suffered through a lot of diagnostic testing and poking and proding. Also loss of a sibling when I was 12. My parents were very loving and available. But I grew up feeling very vulnerable, anxious, and severely insecure though. Jealousy, preoccupation with relationship, constant reassurance/validation has always plagued my relationships. I realize now one of the biggest reasons I found myself unhappy in relationships was if they didn't say or do what I hoped or expected them to. ( If they loved me they'd say this or do that. Example: if you didn't say I look nice when I expected you too, then I must not look nice and then it would deplete my mood. My expectations were very high. Upset if they complimented another woman, because then that means you like them better than me. A compliment for somebody else was felt like something (validation) being taken away from me. Any friendship with another woman was a threat to me. (Translated as I'm not enough for you, and the relationship is taking something away from our relationship) Relationships are very painful for AA as you know. And break ups are torture on us. It's totally destabilizing. I hated the fact they could always walk away from me but I could never walk away from them even if it was bad and knew I should I should end the relationship.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Attachment styles stem from early childhood experiences as well as our relationships with our main caregivers, so yes it's very likely. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and please feel free to contact me through [e-mail] so we can work on this together. I'd love to help.

[@user-ji8ll1qn6o]

What if you cannot ask that person……?!

[@AttachmentAdam]

What is holding you back from asking them?

[@victerrios6509]

This works... if there not a narcissist.

[@capricornak8382]

So I like all 7, I’m 41 been married twice and now in relationship number 3 and just now learning about this. My new boyfriend is also an avoidant. How do I move forward in a relationship if I have already been makeing decisions in relationship to please them and not myself.

[@somnaw]

I've only seen information about secure, avoidant, and anxious attachment. The fourth style seems to be left out of the picture most of the time and I'd like more information about it. Do you have any videos I'm missing talking about fearful / disorganized? ... especially when relating other types

[@mehello4913]

Can you be a combination of avoidance and attached? I lean more to the attached style but if i am really hurt i avoid and want to be away. There are times i look forward to being alone so i don't have to deal with other people and their expectations of me.

[@wacawaca3]

Do you think attachment needs more research and resources, or just more attention from professionals? Or both

[@themanwiththeplan676]

Can a person simultaneously have anxious and avoidant attachment styles?

[@jamesunderwood4983]

is it possible for a man to have both anxious and avoidance attachment? like one led to the other, or due to broken family growing up one was ddeveloped via one parent and the other via the other parent as well as other life experience conditioning them?

[@aditimascarenhas5608]

🔥🔥🔥

[@AttachmentAdam]

❤️

[@mikelw75]

I was born premature, so I was in an incubator for the first month of my life & I was hardly touched. Could this be part of my issues?

[@tracysee8549]

How do you start to feel safe if the reason you have always felt unsafe is from a violent, traumatic event?

[@JohannahArrington1908]

❤

[@brittanymetz3230]

Hey adam. I am a severely anxious attached person. I am super lost. I feel like im on track and i feel good whe im alone and then as soon as there is a romantic interest it comes back. Even when i try to set boundaries, communicate etc. I sifer from extreme abandonment, loneliness. Lack of connection. And fel like a burden. I am legally blind. Which sdds an extra level of barriers to my situation and my ability to make connections and feel accepted. and i have been in councelling on and off over the years and i am just so lost. Do you bave any insight on people with anxious attachment, from the view of someone with a disability. I think that all of these thibgs apply, but i feel like there is an extra layer there that i am having a difficult time getting through. And i am feeling super hopeless.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm truly sorry to hear you're going through this. Dealing with anxious attachment, especially with additional challenges, can feel overwhelming. I encourage you to email me at [e-mail] so we can discuss your situation in private and in more detail. I can share resources, help you come up with an action plan, and guide you towards paving the way to secure attachment.

[@robertarnold9978]

So I do have a question about how to navigate this. I am the male in the relationship and I am the anxious one and my wife is the avoidant one so just two questions do I begin with the heal the anxious attachment in myself and do I share that with her at the same time or do we do the other video that you talk a lot about the other program, the avoidant man the other question is how do I help my wife overcome that it’s always always referring to men when she’s a woman so if you could offer some insight to those that would be great thank you

[@AttachmentAdam]

I encourage you to start by working on your own anxious attachment. By becoming more secure yourself, you can create a safe environment that fosters trust and understanding for your wife. This can help lead the relationship to a more secure place. For more personalized guidance, feel free to reach out to me through [e-mail] to discuss next steps and different effective approaches in more detail.

[@ChaosKrimson]

Thank you 🙏🏼 I feel I just got something for free that I should have paid for. Truly appreciate your guidance and really opening doors and allowing us to walk through at our own pace. My path to repairing this part of my life has begun and I feel confident that this can be done. Thank you again for kindly sharing your knowledge and experience ❤️‍🩹

[@dannythompson173]

Adam, I think I need some help. Avoidant attachment

[@AttachmentAdam]

Hi, Danny! Happy to help. I invite you to send me an email to [e-mail] so I can better understand your situation

[@PipingHammer]

Lol ok im both this and avoident. Guess im weird i relate to both

[@AttachmentAdam]

That's completely normal! You'll surely know your attachment style once you gain better understanding of each and if you ever feel you need guidance, email me at [e-mail]

[@michellekalski8823]

What if your partner is avoidant?

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm going to be filming a whole series on avoidant, coming soon 👍

[@michelevaughn6630]

Can a securely attached person become anxious attached after being around an avoidant person long enough? June 18th,2024

[@AttachmentAdam]

Great question. I am going to post a video soon that addresses this topic specifically among others. I encourage you to turn on the notification bell to catch it as soon as it's posted.

[@jesd5578]

Another video said to comment AVOID to get 200 off, but what do I do next? I want to get the bootcamp

[@AttachmentAdam]

Feel free to to reach me through [e-mail] and let's discuss next steps together.