7 Socializing Struggles of Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families

Discover 7 common struggles adult children of dysfunctional families face when it comes to socializing and relating to others throughout life
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➡️ Video Timestamps:
0:00 - Intro
0:20 - Trust issues
1:24 - Forming healthy relationships
2:29 - Expressing emotions
4:24 - Setting healthy boundaries
6:28- Managing stress
8:08 - Dealing with conflict
10:32 - Being yourself
➡️ Recourses:
List of recommended books to read: www.jerrywiserelationshipsyst...
Recommended Playlists:
How To Start Attracting Healthy people & Relationships Into Your Life- • Playlist
Dealing with Your Dysfunctional Family of Origin- • Playlist
Healing Family of Origin Issues- • Healing Family of Orig...
➡️ Visit our website for coaching & workshops:
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC as of this date has over 300+ videos on You Tube. He has 45 years of experience helping people become more self-differentiated, unstuck, and overcome the effects of their family of origin imprinting and emotional functioning. He uses a Bowen Family Systems approach to help coach those who are in recovery, healing from Codependency and other dysfunctional family-of-origin issues.
DISCLAIMER: This video is not intended to substitute for professional counseling help. Be sure to consult a professional in helping you with these integrate and utilize these concepts.
#narcissisticmother #narcissisticmothers #narcissisticfather #narcissisticfamily #narcissisticparents #narcissisticparent #parentabuse #abusiveparents #familyboundaries #daughtersofnarcissists #boundarieswithanarcissist #childrenofnarcissisticparents #childrenofalchohlicparents #toxicparents #toxicfamily#narcissistic #narcissism #narcissist #internalboundaries #externalboundaries #boundaries #narcisismo #narcissists #detachment #emotionaldetachment #narcissism #jerrywise #self #dysfunctionalfamily #emotionallydysfunctional #anxiety #reactivity #selfabandonment #emotionalprocess #maturity #dysfunctional #foo #calmness #selfdifferentiation #empathy #acoa #acon #bowenfamilysystems #bowentherapy #trauma #narcissisticfamilies #familyoforigin #abuse #abusiverelationships #abusiverelationship #familyissues #narcisista #innerchild #reparenting #healthyrelationships #heal #healing
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[@jerrywise]

👇🏼This is how I can help you 👇🏼 ➡FREE 84-Minute Training: "Build The REAL SELF You Were Never Allowed To Have!" jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 🆘FREE Toolkit for Instant Family & Relationship Detachment join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/ 🔥🔥🔥 6-week online program 'Your New Road To SELF': Break free from toxic family patterns, heal the damage, and discover your true self! program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/

[@TheQueensWish]

Anyone who tells the truth becomes the scapegoat. As a result “love and affection” gets frozen out and your inheritance could be going bye bye.

[@eyeseeme3]

This was so spot on, the one about finding yourself in a circle of friends that resemble you’re family really hit home. Discovering that and having to end a lot of toxic relationships is heartwrenching. That’s why I always felt lonely with the ppl around me. But at least now I now. Thanks again Jerry ♥️

[@stupidman337]

There's a saying which I was told by a mature person once which makes a lot of sense to me. It goes like this: "Tell me who you're hanging out with and I'll tell you who you are."

[@heyitsme5469]

Totally agree with everything he said. I have struggled with all of those things. And yes, one day I woke up surrounded by people who were just like my family.

[@lindsayp9691]

I feel as if my friends are broken, but wonderful beautiful people at the same time , but if I get into a relationship, those people are broken and not necessarily the greatest people.

[@nicselectronics81]

42 and I'm just becoming conscious in REALITY. I'll get there.

[@mrs.misc.6878]

Same here. Rude awakening but I'm glad I finally see it for what it is. Godspeed on your journey.

[@sunnyadams5842]

I never heard of boundaries until two years ago. I am now 57. Got it now!!

[@ac1646]

Snap 😁

[@carolnahigian9518]

it is never too Late to learn

[@chrisholzhauer3698]

What sets Mr. Wise apart from many self help content creators on youtube is that the focus is on us and not what happened or who did it and why they're bad/wrong. I had to detox myself from most of the other types of channels on youtube. I was so overwhelmed by "why your narcissist does this" and "here's what the toxic person really thinks" type videos. I'm in a much healthier spot now and I'm glad I kept watching Jerry Wise videos. His videos feel validating, understanding and most importantly, they offer solutions for what to do and how to be moving forward. Thank you, Mr. Wise!

[@MarleyLeMar]

Well said.

[@fionameredith8787]

Agreed.

[@rhondathompson6592]

I agree. He is set apart from most channels. Mr. Wise has helped me understand family systems and how the childhood experiences negatively impacted me. I am recovering and glad I found out about his channel.

[@johnjohnstone9805]

Oh boy do i have those struggles but i also got something that is worser, shame based denial "But I can't be that bad, I just can't, your not supposed to struggle with this", While simultaneously loathing myself for struggles I'm not to supposed to have. Trifecta a triple whammy. How to take a problem and multiply the difficulty. Til now I feel like I never want to have anything to do with human relationships Period. Hope I can find a way out one day.

[@nnnnnnnnnnn7292]

I learnt the feelings from extensive classical literature reading. No problems there. Just couldn't talk or even mention them in my family. . No trust issues. I knew good from bad, trusted my opinion on the important matters. But this caused problems with my family - they had trust issues and humiliated me for trusting people. With time I went inside of myself and shut down. What I have learnt from this whole experience was not loving myself. Boundaries... No boundaries whatsoever. They always thought that had every right to consider me their extension that had to obey every their demand. They still think so. They always will. . And no healthy coping with stress mechanisms. Mother either humiliated me, or beaten me. Threatened to die (the worst for me, it broke my heart into billions sharp pieces every time.). . Yes, I was looking for the next line instead of deep listening. But I noticed it and taught myself to change this habit. . Lots of toxic relationships happened, both personal and workplace. Lots of work still to be done.

[@shashi3072]

This is so true. I could never get along with my healthy friends I went around seeking the dysfunctional malignant narc types like my family members are.

[@spacegirl226]

I had a good laugh at the parents setting boundaries part -- "Be quiet while your father is watching tv." Have mercy did I hear that a lot growing up. Everything had to stop once the old man came home from work. And of course, the kids weren't given the chance to have our own boundaries, but you bet your ass the parents' boundaries would be respected. I often felt like property growing up, and as an adult, I still do. Thanks, Jerry. So much good insight here.

[@kimberlymccracken747]

And, we end up in the same dysfunctional role - scapegoat in my case 😝

[@jerrywise]

Until we do something about it and stop participating in that role

[@kimberlymccracken747]

@@jerrywise Exactly 💯

[@kimberlymccracken747]

Right 👍 Total chaos - everyone talking at the same time 🤷‍♀️

[@beayates6228]

Thank you for your videos . Opening my eyes to what has been affecting all of my relationships my entire life.

[@jerrywise]

I’m glad my videos are helping you, thank you for watching

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

''feelings are dangerous, threatening and offensive''. True. My feelings do offend my parents, how dare I.

[@kennethlee4894]

Yes... To share my feelings was considered disrespectful.

[@darinsmith2458]

i can relate to all of the struggles

[@britneythao]

Trust is my biggist problem.When having a trust problem, it leads to many problems in life. I am working on it.

[@amandaball353]

Hi Jerry- as always your videos are so honest and truthful. I can see everything so openly, however, my husband would deny, deny, deny everything bc he is so sucked in by his family cult. Another EXCELLENT video Jerry, thank you for all of your videos you upload!!👏🏻🫶🏻

[@t.s.4707]

Finally someone who is articulating what I was feeling and experiencing all along. I was never able to put into words and connect all the dots. Thank you Mr. Wise!

[@stupidman337]

Very insightful as always! Thank you a lot. I was noding and saying to myself "yes, that's what I do or did" through the whole video.

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

Same here 😁🫶

[@justinael]

Awesome video, thank you! I feel like I will have to watch it a few times to process everything. Adult children of dysfunctional families need to be reminded of these things till the end of their lives, I think.

[@smustipher]

I like to think that I have gotten some good headway in recognizing and improving my skills in the areas listed in the video. The final frontier is knowing my needs and feeling and expressiong my emotions. After 10 years of trying out various therapists, I found one 5 years ago and have made tremendous progress working with her. I am in a place where I question if I still "need it", but will.keep going because I know that thisnis a sign that I am no longer as reactive and thus feel calm and at ease, even in conflict and under stress, but there is still more healing to do

[@beayates6228]

So much of this is applying to me ..

[@dnk4559]

Thanks again Jerry. Your videos help me with coming to a place of acceptance about what I was brought up in and to a better understanding that some in my family just want to repeat the patterns.

[@mayberry8620]

You are so right on! My parents had to break any boundary I tried to set. I had no idea how my friends could say no, I was terrified of even trying to create boundaries. I was in shock when I learned about boundaries, I was brutalized for trying for them. So I’ve been frozen or reactive my whole life 😢🤦‍♀️. I just got away from my Dad, after watching my Mom and two of my pets die because I couldn’t save them, he was so insane and cruel I ended up with pneumonia, 3 out of place ribs for 4 months until I could get to help because he liked the way the chiropractor spoke so used me as a way to try and see her. I’m still trying to not die. I had a numb right arm and hands from a medication reaction and I went right back into self harm , i couldn’t function until my therapist suggested benzodiazepines and they helped me function again but my doctor quite and every week I’m worried about seizures . It’s been so intense , I ended up actually collapsing from my Dads sabotage and cruelty. I’m trying to not stay in the victim role. I had no idea how to handle my Dad. I had to get through two emergency surgeries as he wouldn’t self care, care for the house or care for his animals. A therapist said to get to a domestic violence shelter but I couldn’t leave the animals and could not drive due to pain

[@styracosaurusqvt4841]

I’m sorry you’ve suffered so much. I hope you find healing.

[@finchman1]

Awesome summary of these traits and behavior patterns, Jerry. You hit it out of the park with this video. Very validating and useful information. Many thanks!

[@user-lv9oy7gc6d]

Sadly and painfully spot on, thank you!

[@blahblah7050]

Got past all of these. The one I struggle with at the moment is the conflict management, and not leaving when I should.

[@brittneyfarmer7386]

Thank you for your work! I revisit your videos when I feel myself slipping backing negative patterns. Your words are always so helpful ❤

[@mayberry8620]

I kept getting out faster , my exboyfriends have all been pretty terrifying. Charismatic, wolves in sheep’s clothing and if you say no they try anything they can to eradicate your life in any way they can

[@kareemmohammed5270]

very difficult and painful to hear but resonates. much appreciated as always for your insights Jerry.

[@adrianadelassereed]

Again, Jerry, thank you, very much!!! This video is sooooo clear and precise!!! I feel like you have been watching me for decades😱😱😱😱😉😉😉😉

[@arthurgarcia1371]

Glad to see you making content again!!!!

[@mayberry8620]

I just got out of another abusive relationship. I blocked him after the first date but my childhood trauma causes me to freeze or fawn instead of capable of saying no.

[@ketherwhale6126]

I love your closing remarks- be Wise. Perfect.

[@annettelynch4088]

Thank you so much for this validation! Spot on!

[@mlynn2161]

Thank you so much for all of your videos, Jerry!

[@sadie9386]

This is the best video yet.

[@theperfectautumn8781]

Ah...all too true. Thank you, Sir, once again. ;)

[@realigninglife]

I really appreciate your videos. Spot on.

[@anushkafernando7046]

Thankyou so much jerry for your work in understanding Dysfunctional Families nad the way they behave.... life saving.. and calming.. cause we know its not us.. its easy to be in a dysfunctional family than out of it.. you go through seperatoin lonlinesss and on top of that guilting and shamingggg... thankyou .. your videos makes it so easy to take those and throw it away and do our lives as we wish.. thankyou so m uch

[@genevievebelanger903]

This video is so accurate!! Very impressive. It really describes what it is to have develooped problems because of dysfunctionnal familly systems.

[@dreamiedips8624]

So true 💚💚💚 Thank you for sharing you are a blessing, so proud of you that you are educating everyone 💚💚💚

[@dawnpirke2942]

This video I completely relate with. This makes so much sense to me now that I know why I behave the way I do. Now I need to learn how to correct this whole way of being.

[@keelhe893]

I am so thankful for you Jerry because it seems like you understand my whole life

[@emil5884]

Thank you!

[@dark_fire_ice]

I have watched quite a few of your videos recently, and you have me feel noticed, in a good way

[@meganjohnson9540]

Thank you so much! 💕

[@boxcopper]

Compliments. I reconize this a lot...

[@user-wz4bz2fn6s]

THANK YOU × 100 MILLION

[@mosim9691]

Excellent! Excellent! Excellent!

[@dakoderii4221]

Nice woodwork and cool lamp.

[@marekm9647]

Dziękujemy.

[@LissaRes]

Good advice 🙏

[@stacyeriksson1226]

Thank you for your great videos! It helps me understand what I went through and the choices I have made all these years! 🙂

[@sigrid3553]

Thank you for this enlightening video, I so much appreciate your teachings!

[@nancyP7448]

Great information

[@mayebouee8099]

Really helpful information, thank you.

[@sleepingalongtherazorsedge9361]

I very regularly suppress my needs and wants and have 3 emotions im capable of feeling. Im either sad, angry, or sitting in a blank sort of contentness. I choose to not have friends, as i just dont want to deal with the possibility of betrayal, and it really doesn't bother me at all. I love being alone and enjoy my own company, but i know its only because i see myself as the best company i could have. Im extremely sociable, but love the quiet of being alone, and at the same time being alone is by deepest darkest fear. I dont talk about my problems, because its just not normal in my life. My family has secrets upon secrets, and lies to hide other secrets. I cant talk about my feelings anyway, as most the time hearing a 26 year old man say hes still very terrified of his mother makes people laugh.

[@dalehawkins-lw6rc]

(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). Ur Conflict with Ur CHILDREN r Always an Opportunity to Real-eye an Area where They r Trying to Call Eu into a Place of Ur Own Expansion which is the Place where Eu can Best Meet Their Needs and tEACH Them how to Crave Out Their Own Life Here in the Whrild and wen Eu do that the Conflict with Ur Child Goes Away

[@pennyvuori9267]

Taking notes on this one thank you!

[@jerrywise]

Glad it was helpful!

[@EgonJeffs]

Thank you I agree

[@sy5545]

👌🏽Have noted attracting dysfunction & dependent people. * KEY awareness.

[@christinerobertson9596]

Thank you again!!

[@jerrywise]

You’re very welcome Christine, thank you for watching

[@momikal2238]

Fantastic info. I realized a family member was crossing an internal boundary of mine by sobbing uncontrollably. This was not even good acting. I was not going to feel guilty for this person ignoring me. Until I saw this video, I couldn’t articulate it. They are responsible for their emotions and my emotions are for me to deal with. However, tampering and manipulating my emotions can’t happen. At least not by this person. Also, it’s a great feeling when you disconnect from these people who have always treated you terribly forever. Good riddance.

[@edwardgreacen1833]

In the past weeks, I've replayed this session at least four times. It hits home over and over again. I'm tempted to do an outline transcript so I can recall the wording he uses without risking a memory blackout. Each of these numerous topics hits a nerve - sometimes a very powerful memory. I don't know how you do it, Jerry. But I wish you would make into a movie like the Seven Samurai so could sit back and relax (or maybe stop and replay the parts that are so powerful).

[@jerrywise]

Send me the donation I’ll make the movie lol hahaha This program would help you program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/

[@dakoderii4221]

"I'm tempted to do an outline transcript so I can recall the wording he uses"

[@pinkyellowblue007]

I don't know if my parents were narciscists but I know my grandma on my dads side was and my mom grew up in an alcoholic family terrified regularly as a child.I think they tried to be better than their parents but when stressed they tended to fall back on what they were used to and just be abusive, it's like a never ending cycle.I never wanted to have kids and this is one of the reasons.

[@ketherwhale6126]

I can’t believe so much of this was “ normal”. In fact really “ normal” homes seemed unreal and somewhat unnavigable- feeling as if you’re an alien.

[@chilloften]

I being very prudent.

[@avintagementality]

Great video, but please consider a professional microphone. The audio is not harsh.

[@1ReikiFloW]

well said and i hope more people will learn eft techniques to help themselves if they can't afford to pay or if they can't access other help those alone will greatly. I turned 50 and my mom tried to guilt me for not interacting much with them. My who le life I cared to celebrate her and would organize dinners for the parents' anniversary and for mine they know I don't go out since the coivd masks drones everywhere I had to be reclusive and they were invited here but they don't come and they live close. They have enough health to go to church and with people who make them feel so great but could not reciprocate even for a half a century birthday. They will never own up and they will continue playing the same tired old games but I am not the same tired old carpet they were used to step on. As you say, can't expect unbalanced people to be balanced so better keep them at enough distance so they don't bother until one is totally free of charge when it comes to t hem and frankly........i can think of many more fun things than spending time with people who made my life into a hell and with already chronic pain from birth from serious health problems not funded by government or recognized unless one wants to be a guinea pig so I always worked and never got half the chances my lazy C average brother got and being autistic on top really made it challenging but now I know they were the broken ones who had children and should not have. Am I grateful they did not abort? NO, but since I am here I will make the best of it. Chronic pain alone makes you appreciate the days you don't feel as bad so my list to be happy is not quite as large as many others but I for sure always try to get better in every way. I think we can take a page from their lives and turn it around for something great but we need our space first to blossom and find our true selves. Some of us found out in our mid forties so right now I am still having fun with my inner child but most of their issues do not touch me any more, at this point is just residual habit and I think when your own parents don't really love you there will always be a small part that feels that but it's good, so we don't do it to someone else. I did not have kids and I am glad, I did not want to do this to another!

[@kimlec3592]

Your cover page says it all.

[@tanyakashyap6944]

🦋🦋🦋

[@sy5545]

👌🏽

[@SB_McCollum]

♥♥♥♥♥

[@lisac8509]

These are things that have been going on since begin ing of time. People didn't go no contact most of the time. Don't give them permission to go no contact.

[@m.fazlurrahman5854]

Disfunction children’s’ social issues : They spends time and advises more from a computer. And are always in chat rooms. While doing so; they form a relationship with their chat buddies to such lengths that the usually losses reality to actually form a family. One problem solved as non offspring to educate more.

[@dakoderii4221]

The whole deal where narc families set people up to make narc friends and get into narc relationships is true because my dad only approved of friends that were narcissistic or weren't that bright and could be easily manipulated or controlled. All the friends who were helping me become a better person were seen as bad. That's even AFTER I told my dad the bad things those friends did. Yet he would say the good friends "look like the type that's gonna do something" as "evidence" they are bad. My dad only promoted things that harmed me. He would only do something good if he could parade around about it for years and years and berate you. He is demon possessed. He does the exact things a devil would do. Who tries to destroy their own son every waking second of the day unless they are distracted by something, unless? He hates the Bible but pretends to be a Christian. Only problem is he begins to go irate at speaking what seems like a pretty benign scripture. I'm praying for him but don't have much hope. I just hope he'll be there on the other side when I get there if I can't see him again here on Earth. His current path is headed to a place so terrible that all the crap he did pales in comparison. He is literally playing with fire.

[@tanyaa9692]

How can we find jobs where we don't get stuck in the same family dynamics we are used to? It is so hard to find a job anyway. Is there a way to work around this?

[@jerrywise]

I always share with people to increase their skills and marketability any way they can or are able. Then additionally work on their self-differentiation and growing themselves up. These make a difference in what jobs we are attracted to, and what jobs are attracted to us. Thanks for watching taynya.

[@tanyaa9692]

@@jerrywise Thank you for your response!

[@rochellecaffee1417]

I wish that you would address this issue, because it is so obvious, or like the proverbial “elephant in the room”, and that is: The un-proclaimed notion that most “parents” demand “worship” from their children….maybe that is why Jesus said, to follow Him, you must “hate” father or mother…ya think?

[@citizenjournalist2401]

Seems like you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

[@rochellecaffee1417]

The bottom line is: Protect yourself, because you are ALONE in this life. A sad, and limiting way to live…😢

[@dutchymon]

"adult children" it's time for y'all to grow up.

[@jerrywise]

?

[@dutchymon]

@@jerrywise Jerry, when you are an adult you cannot forever stay stuck in infantile childmind. forever blaming your parents for everything, it is time for the children here to grow up.