7 Weapons That Seem Awesome But Are Totally Impractical

[@Strigulino]

I love the fact that as part of the recording of this video, Mike was presumably able to put "£5.99 to fire orbital cannon" down as a business expense.

[@Galeanthropist]

If I recall, they actually did a video about it...

[@OhHeyItsLeeGaming]

I wouldn't blame him if he claimed the orbital cannon expenses one extra time and just got himself that coffee with the final claim.

[@LyraLyraPantsOnFyra]

but only once by the look of the re-used footage.

[@NutmegBGB]

I never thought I would be so curious to see what a person's taxes look like

[@ledumpsterfire6474]

@@NutmegBGB I don't know, I'd be pretty damn interested to see the taxes from every U.S. Congressman/Congresswoman/President from the last twenty years. I'd guess no fewer than 25% of them are probably applicable for tax fraud charges.

[@ts25679]

I just wanted to take a moment to appreciate how adorable Jane's "I'm hurt you don't trust me actually," was.

[@ts25679]

Also, did they delay the end card just to make Jane look a little crazy gesturing at things that aren't there?

[@3rdCharcoal]

Probably

[@3rdCharcoal]

Lol

[@DodderingOldMan]

"... has an immediate visceral appeal. Not least when you're using it to peel your opponent's viscera." Damn that's a fantastic line.

[@liamoneill7692]

As was Jane's "peening balls"

[@bct2308]

The entire gag related to the ten children and the most awesome weapon was the best part of any of the outsidexbox videos that I’ve seen so far.

[@Cohult]

I've always been curious about Bayonetta's gun-shoes. I could *probably* swing a sword and pull a trigger at the same time, but managing aerial acrobatics and convincing my shoes to fire bullets are two impossible things on their own! Also, what if she steps on a pebble and mucks up the barrel, or worse, the rifling??

[@BenMarcWilliams]

And they're heels on top of that. I could never fight in heels, much less gun-heels, much _much_ less fighting in gun-heels while aiming and firing them.

[@DJAB87]

Bayonetta can manipulate her hair at will though right? I always imagine that she uses the part of her hair costume around her ankles to hold the guns in place and pull the triggers when needed.

[@notproductiveproductions3504]

She’s British so I’m sure she went to a toe wrestling pub to figure it out

[@fuzzyotterpaws4395]

@@notproductiveproductions3504 Ooh is that an actual thing?! I need to go to that😋

[@fuzzyotterpaws4395]

She probably does it by curling her toes owo

[@GreyManFaustus]

The best thing about Stendarr's Hammer is: The necessary strength is reasonably easy to achieve. However, the stronger you are, the faster your weapons wear. Once you are strong enough to wield the Hammer, you could only use it one single time before it breaks.

[@FelisImpurrator]

When you unga bunga so hard swinging a weapon is more or less equivalent to firing it through a railgun.

[@jameswest3847]

This comment has achieved the fabled 69 likes. Brothers and sisters, please allow it to remain… Nice.

[@thirdeye6310]

Ahhhhhh, balance before updates!

[@persephoneunderground845]

Even better- it's tricky to achieve that strength "naturally" but if you get drunk you're suddenly ripped. So the best way to steal Stendarr's Hammer from the Museum was to get hammered! 🍻 Insert drunken shenanigans montage here. Including the hammer breaking, thinking it's your fault, and sheepishly trying to "return" it to the Museum hoping no one notices. (Cheap alcohol buffed strength by 20-30 points, some more, and it stacked with no negative effects except draining intelligence the same amount... You could be boring and use enchantments for the buff, but that's way more expensive and more work.)

[@fluffyxai5065]

Wow I didn't know that XD

[@forceofnature26]

The Gunblade is noted to be an unwieldy piece of junk in-universe too. It's implied the only reason Squall and Seifer even use it is because it looks cool and it reinforces their image

[@ddjsoyenby]

so the reason we all use the game weapons.

[@massgunner4152]

Danm so the sword is so bad even the cannon hates it.

[@TheCrow2483]

Actually Squall AND Seifer are the only two weilders of the gunblade as they are the only two who truly mastered the use of the weapon other SeeD trainees have tried but failed even in game two Galbadian troopers state "so this is a gunblade? I've heard they are extremely hard to master" on Disc 2 at the prison

[@Argendriel]

And Seifer only uses this particular style of blade (and the stance) because he watched the weird movie Laguna starred in and got completely obsessed with it to the point of copying the fighting style.

[@TheCrow2483]

@@Argendriel that makes sense as in my teens when I first played FF8 I did wonder why the man with the machine gun copied Seifers stance in the flashback sequence where he is filming a movie with Kiros and Ward when it's actually Seifer copying Lagunas character he portrayed in the film, Lagunas gotta be in his fifties by the time you meet him in Esthar and he is the President

[@kendoyle]

Jane is perfect to introduce this. I'm sure that her lab minions have had to do countless hours of testing to determine which items to use as weapons when Jane becomes the evil ruler she is destined to be.

[@XXXXX8]

What kind of weirdo leaves over 200 comments on a video game list channel?

[@kendoyle]

@@XXXXX8 someone who enjoys both lists and video games :)

[@HuggyBuddyOwO]

@@XXXXX8 hey, stop kink shaming people

[@BogeyTheBear]

@@XXXXX8 Someone who could discuss race cars with Mike, history and Sherlock Holmes with Andy, space science and sword care with Jane, dinosaurs and tall ships with Luke, and engage in a pun-off with Ellen.

[@XXXXX8]

@@BogeyTheBear Oh, you mean a turbo virgin. Got it.

[@CrankyCrabChaos]

The Iron Throne was literally designed (in-universe) to be as uncomfortable as possible, as no one should rest easy while ruling over a kingdom. Just thought I'd bring that up since you said it looks uncomfortable.

[@Ver_Minh]

I always thought the gunblade used 'bullets' for magic for augmenting the blade with elemental strikes. Never knew it sent shockwaves down the blade and handle. Which would turn a person's arm into jelly.

[@MikayaAkyo]

Funny enough there actually were Gun Swords and Gun Knives irl. It was so you'd be able to shoot but still have a way to defend yourself if you didn't get to reload. So yeah, Gunblades in FF base on an actual weapon that was more or less the same. Altho in later Final Fantasy games the darn thing actually worked that way while in FF8 Squall kinda forgot to utulize the gun part of it.

[@levidavidson2362]

@@MikayaAkyo to abandon your gunmanity, to become more bayonet than gun

[@megatronjenkins2473]

@@levidavidson2362 points for gunmanity.

[@CodaBlairLucarioEmperor]

@@MikayaAkyo I'm playing a game called Atelier Sophie 2 right now and one of the characters uses one. It's primarily a gun but they also use the blade to perform combos along with shooting or for basic attacks.

[@robtaber5687]

@@MikayaAkyo even funnier to find was a Gun Hatchet. Looked like it would turn the hatchet into the projectile.

[@chrisfisher9232]

I would throw in the Fat Man from Fallout. A personal nuclear weapons launcher sounds great until you realize just how far you need to be from ground zero to survive launching the first shot.

[@supervegito2277]

As well as the MIRV, which fires 8, IIRC, Mini nukes.

[@ddjsoyenby]

yeah :/

[@nicholascross3557]

@@supervegito2277 True... unless you have the 'Two Shot' legendary effect which brings it up to sixteen warheads.

[@GhostBear3067]

They covered the Fat Man years ago on this channel, for those exact reasons.

[@nashvontookus7451]

@Serenity Klein The Davy Crockett Recoilless Rifle. Peak Cold War technology, except for the fact that even mini-nukes could still take the flesh off your bones fron the maximum distance.

[@asteriondeltoro124]

In the original game, Serious Sam's ultimate weapon was a cannon. As in, he carries around a long gun straight off the deck of a ship of the line. It fires depleted-uranium cannonballs, just to make it even more impractical.

[@ghoulofmetal]

I have been wanting to wield a cannon in dnd and did some searching and i think i came to that a ships cannon would be around 8000lbs xD and then there are the cannonballs

[@roguebanshee]

@@ghoulofmetal And Sam can carry around 30-80 cannonballs (depending on game and difficulty mode).

[@barnabusdoyle4930]

Depleted-uranium cannonballs alone would cost around the same as 3 orbital satellite strikes if not more

[@mikevignola4213]

@@barnabusdoyle4930 I'd be much more concerned about the weight

[@tyrr9814]

@@ghoulofmetal This is why you hire a crew to carry around your ammo and load the cannon for you.

[@TheExmes]

I've always wondered what the orbital strike looked like from the victim's perspective. Thank you Mike for spending six pounds and thank you Jane for standing very still while Mike kills you.

[@TessaOswin]

That I know The orbital canon has now been fired 4 times on video. Twice in this video and twice previously and one of those was auto-aim. That is over £24 just on the ones we know about.

[@OhHeyItsLeeGaming]

I've always wanted to see what the orbital cannon's effect looks like when I'm close enough to see someone getting targeted by it, but far enough away to avoid being affected by the devastation.

[@mrcom4359]

"More missing digits than Wesley Snipes' tax return" was a work of art.

[@sniperbasic2563]

"there's a reason you don't see someone putting a handle on the iron throne in game of thrones and swinging it around" Would have made a much better ending

[@shawnfields2369]

Yeah, because 1, it would've looked hilarious, 2, It would've still been impractical to use, but funny to hit people with for sure, but I agree, probably would've been a better ending; to a show everyone was hyped up for, only to be disappointed by the ending. And I've never seen Game of Thrones in my life, but I can feel the disappointment from here. Geez, that's pretty far... and I don't even watch TV anymore. I do think putting a handle on the iron throne thingy from game of thrones, and swinging it around like Andy was saying, would've made for a great outtake, and/or, Weird Al parody of game of thrones, because it sounds hilarious. Impractical as hell, but it sounds like it would've been funny to hit someone with, just saying.

[@somebodynamedsomething9751]

most of the weapons in monster hunter but specifically the hunting horn. its a weaponized instrument that you bludgeon giant monsters with. some versions being even weirder, gigantic bagpipes or a mad max style volcano guitar. fun stuff.

[@UltimaLestat]

I don't like to think about what could go wrong for my hunter now that they mainly use the charge blade's spinning axe mode

[@karmicrespite5737]

I feel like the thing that makes the hunting horn stand out in particular isn’t the “weapon” application (most of them are practically hammers so if you could swing them then they would do damage), it’s the ‘horn’ part. If you think your volcano guitar will be in tune after smashing it across a monster’s face then you will be disappointed.

[@UltimaLestat]

@@karmicrespite5737 Given the range on its buff effects, it's also got to be awfully loud going off right by your ears...

[@Zendrist-8128]

I would agree with this.

[@Kraleck]

Considering how goofy weapons like the Whetfish Sabers, Master Ale, Downy Crake Brooms, Frozen Speartuna, Well-done Hammer, Bristly Pincushion, and Space Lord! Super-8 are and the unusual weapon categories like Gunlance, Switch Axe, Charged Blade, Insect Glaive, and Hunting Horn, it's a wonder monsters aren't dying of laughter at how ridiculous (yet awesome) they are.

[@morganrosenfeld5917]

Imagine being some random townsperson in Yharnam just trying to protect your family from the beasts terrorizing your city, and you see a guy run towards you, turn a vial of his own blood into bullets before whipping out the severed arm of a great one and start swinging it around like a club.

[@ManiaMac1613]

That doesn't even crack the top 10 of most horrifying things the average Yharnam citizen might encounter

[@ericcornelius8450]

No mention of Bayonetta's high heel guns? One step in the mud or one rogue wad of gum will completely clog those barrels.

[@nathanielbass771]

actually, you could rig a gun to have a closed barrel before firing, there's just not much practical reason to do so. You can do this with a material that blows out or a hatch system

[@marhawkman303]

@@nathanielbass771 yeah, any gun with a safety mechanism could rig the safety to also cover the barrel at the same time it blocks the trigger I guess.

[@michaelandreipalon359]

She's a witch, she obviously enhanced them to work beyond the feminine limiting comprehensions of real life.

[@manypseudonyms]

The mud wouldn't DARE, lol!

[@notproductiveproductions3504]

She’s British. I’m sure she went to a toe wrestling pub to figure it out

[@paullatham8486]

I do enjoy Jane pointing to nothing and telling me that is a video link.... really builds on the crazy vibe 👍🤣

[@dontcallmemadeline]

From memory KZbin only lets end card links appear in the last 20-30s of the video - so as soon as they add an afterthought to the outro the timing gets thrown off. Worth it to hear Andy's "smooth" though 😂

[@Jlerpy]

I get this energy from every video, as the links don't show up for me.

[@brianschoner3350]

The list features are always great, but the writing in this one was just a notch above the usual high bar. *chef's kiss*

[@TheOriginalJphyper]

On top of being hard to wield, Stendarr's Hammer is also really, really fragile, with a measly 100 health. It breaks VERY quickly.

[@mathieushifera135]

Biggest issue with the Lancer weapon platform is HOW THE HELL DO THEY POWER THE CHAINSAW? If it's a combustion engine, where does the gas go? (too small to have a tank that lasts long), even if we were to presume an immulsion/electric motor, there's no way you make a sustainable lasting saw without it weighing a ton

[@Cuuniyevo]

It's powered by testosterone, of course.

[@massgunner4152]

Probably powered by lambent blood.

[@nathanielbass771]

more than likely the suit is the power source, why else would they have hands the size of foam fingers? Just run a charge through the material and insulate the person inside and voila

[@epicninjacakez6716]

That is the true question. I'm gonna Google this to see what pops up. Edit: Huh. Theres no official answer.

[@BogeyTheBear]

I'm more worried about the fact the chainsaw bisects the gun's magazine. The mag must be a double feed with rounds running up either side of the blade.

[@lukekingsland5851]

"The notion of the Lancer Assault Rifle from The Gears of War series has an immediate visceral appeal. Not least, when you use it to peel your enemies viscera". That is brilliant

[@gorimbaud]

As soon as the gunblade segment started, I was all ready to break down the specifics of what VIII gunblades actually do, but yall ended up covering it already! You'd be surprised how rare that is in videos like this. Good work, no notes.

[@sebastianwlodarczyk]

There are historical examples of attempts to combine firearms and bladed weapons, and almost all of them (bayonets on rifles aside) are as impractical and awkward as you might imagine:)

[@sunionbro1418]

Actually, guns on blades weren't uncommon. Plenty of rapiers or arming swords would have a gun integrated into the hilt, and extend about 1/8th of the blade. It made for a slightly more unwieldy weapon, and almost always only had one shot, but were quite comfortable and easy to hold:)

[@Dovah_Slayer]

Including the gun AXE yes AXE

[@sebastianwlodarczyk]

​@@Dovah_Slayer seen few of these:) those flintlock/wheellock axe guns might be some of the more practical combination weapons that I've seen:) ... And there's also the 6 barreled "Wheellock combination axe and pistol" from the Royal Armouries- seriously, if you ever wanted over the top, fantasy or steampunk weapon, (or both, "Arcanum" style) that's totally one to go for! :D

[@Dovah_Slayer]

@@sebastianwlodarczyk I actually have used that in some dnd campaigns

[@michaelcherokee8906]

Bayonets still are quite awkward by gun standards.

[@Suraht]

You mentioned Final Fantasy 8, but what about Rinoa's dog launcher? The Angelo Cannon has her dog hop onto a wrist mounted launcher and subsequently thrown at an enemy.

[@CodaBlairLucarioEmperor]

Honestly you could probably make a whole list out of Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts weapons.

[@Apodoctopus]

That's an extremely good weapon, actually

[@CodaBlairLucarioEmperor]

@@Apodoctopus How is that a good weapon? It is completely impractical and you'd probably just hurt the dog most of the time.

[@manypseudonyms]

@@CodaBlairLucarioEmperor EXACTLY! She was my least fave character, the dog mistreatment was just another aspect on a looooong list of complaints.

[@megatronjenkins2473]

9:38, hearing Jane say "peening balls" is prolly the highlight of the day🤣🤣🤣

[@fuzzyotterpaws4395]

To be fair, I've never actually heard of a ball peen hammer and not sure what peening even means 😂

[@michaelcherokee8906]

@@fuzzyotterpaws4395 How the FRICK have you not heard of a ball peen hammer?

[@samuelbynum5066]

@@michaelcherokee8906 I've heard of them and seen them, but I've never had any reason to use one when claw hammers are so much more ubiquitous and seem to do the job just as well.

[@garionfan1]

A ball-pein hammer is used in metalworking. It is double sided with a flat side and a rounded side. The flat side is for hammering metal flat and the rounded side for curves.

[@Borderlines]

As a kid, I thought Sephiroth had the coolest sword ever. I believed that the longer a sword is, the better... Then I realized I would never grow to 10 feet

[@nathanielbass771]

weight is multiplied by length as well due to placing more strain on the focal point (your hand/wrist) the other issue is that unless you are strong enough to slice through whatever material is around or just point the weapon at someone like a spear, long weapons become impractical in hallways because you bang into the side-walls and ceiling or even the floor depending upon how a fight goes

[@matthewrowlett1564]

Sephoroths sword is actually a 2hand sword... Made for taking down Cavalry... It's called Odachi/Nodachi, and Sephoroths personal weapon is the Masamune(which in reality, Zero of them were Odachi...) So as a kid you were somewhat correct. Sephiroth DID have the coolest Sword. And the strength to use it like a regular Katana... (Though That's just the coolest in Final Fantasy... Despite it's stupidity, the Red Queen from devil may cry 4 gives it a run for its money... Just for the fact that it has an engine, and you can Rev your sword... Sadly, it's weirded by a lame ass, who isn't even cool in 5, with a robot arm... Nero sucks.)

[@devinspencer1678]

Not to mention something as long and thin as that sword would be incredibly fragile. It would break with the slightest impact.

[@nathanielbass771]

@@devinspencer1678 actually, not true. While it would be susceptible to direct strikes against the edge of the blade, that type of sword is made for receiving blows on the flat of the blade, or in sephiroth's case, not receiving blows at all

[@Geheimnis-c2e]

@@devinspencer1678 I assume it was made from the a fantasy material (no pun intended) such a adamantite or orichalcum (ik these exist irl but FF games tend to showcase orichalcum as a penultimate material for crafting/upgrading equipment)

[@kjolexa5965]

Wow, you could almost do a whole Fallout commentary edition on this: Mesmetron, Broadsider, Experimental MIRV, Euclid's C-FInder...

[@Thunder2Clan]

Didn't they do a list along those lines at some point in the past? Sounds vaguely familiar...

[@ryanbauer3680]

Rolling pin covered in razor blades.....oh wait, this is supposed to be awesome weapons.

[@nashvontookus7451]

The C-Finder is an orbital cannon as well!

[@megatronjenkins2473]

@@ryanbauer3680 the Hell are you blabbering about?!? A rolling pin covered in razor blades has mega potential!!!

[@ryanbauer3680]

@@megatronjenkins2473 You've never tried using one in Fallout, have you?

[@acidtwinkie]

It's so nice to see Squall getting out and about. Also, while the whole needing perfect timing aspect has been removed from the gun part of the gunblade in FFXIV, you still need to be right up in everything's face. Which may be why they just made it a tank class this time around lol

[@frodobaggins7710]

A lot of the weapons in Doom are pretty impractical just because of their sheer size. I can't imagine it's easy to carry around a rocket launcher, minigun, gauss cannon and a BFG all at the same time, even for someone like the Doom Marine

[@jorgecarreras4214]

They actually tested that one on Mythbusters, and while Adam and Jamie couldn't do it, they found an actual US Marine built like Doom Guy and he could.

[@daviddaugherty2816]

@Jorge Carreras It's been awhile since I saw that episode, but didn't they also determine it _really_ wasn't worth the trouble? I seem to recall that even that super fit special forces guy was wiped TF out after finishing their course.

[@HAIL_TO_THE_KING5]

​@@daviddaugherty2816as if we needed any more reason that doom guy could wipe out the entire multiverse if he wanted to

[@Pseudowolf]

"A ball peen hammer is for peening balls" And every male viewer instinctively crosses his legs.

[@fuzzyotterpaws4395]

To be fair, I've never actually heard of a ball peen hammer and not sure what peening even means 😂

[@acethedisturbed]

@@fuzzyotterpaws4395 I've heard of them, and probably even own a few, but I had to look it up. They're for metalworking.

[@CelticVictory]

@@fuzzyotterpaws4395 I've heard of it but had no idea what it was used for.

[@kathrynredmond5294]

@@acethedisturbed In my junior high band, we used it and a hub cap to simulate a sword fight.

[@BogeyTheBear]

@@fuzzyotterpaws4395 Because it's not a verb. The peen is the back side of a hammer head. A claw hammer has a claw peen.

[@WZahnle]

Maybe the Amygdalan Arm is just setting himself up to be your "right-hand man."

[@michaeledmunds7056]

Gotta hand to him, he's very hands on, which comes in handy during fight. It may be underhanded, but you can't be too heavily armed in Bloodborne.

[@zuralani1]

My takeaway is the absence of it from this list means it is perfectly acceptable to swing a massive key around the battlefield.

[@toratio8547]

The joke about 3 out of 10 kids wishing for a world without weapons was so adorably wholesome ❤️

[@michaelandreipalon359]

Of course, even kids will become jaded teenagers and disillusioned adults later on. Such is the way of the world and its conundrums.

[@Albatross0913]

And unrealistic because every child ever loves to play with nerf guns

[@CelticVictory]

@@michaelandreipalon359 The jaded teenagers come from out of the 7.

[@roblewis187]

In the end The ones who are truly jaded are the ones who believe that humans wouldn't find a way to kill with literally anything including their bare hands if weapons didn't exist. I'd imagine if you go back far enough the humble rock or heavy piece of wood was commonly used to kill. Thus a world without weapons would mean a world with nothing, is a frying pan not technically a weapon if you use it to kill and not cook? 🤔

[@CelticVictory]

@@roblewis187 That's not jaded. That's being idealistic.

[@joesjoeys]

I trust you, Jane! If I pick something up and plan to use it as a weapon and Jane were to go, "Tsk tsk, rather not m8" I would absolutely reconsider!

[@ddjsoyenby]

i get her approval for all my weapons.

[@younggun0007]

She is so beautiful too

[@SuperAnime4444]

I would say Heavy's gun, Sasha, is impractical. It is very heavy to carry around making you a slow walking target. And it costs 4 hundred thousand dollars to fire for 12 seconds.

[@AJeziorski1967]

Should've included the Snark from Half-Life - the little carnivorous insect that you chuck at your enemies, which runs right back and starts biting chunks out of you if you mess up your throw or once the enemy's dead. Then it blows up in your face, spraying you with acid. Oh, also the Vortex Launcher from Unreal Tournament - or, basically, any other weapon that fires a black hole, which will definitely spaghettify you along with your intended target. (I may be showing my age here ...)

[@dorabrooks76]

First of all, the snark is a great suggestion! 👍🏻😄 Secondly, holy crap! Andrzej?! How crazy to bump into you here! It's been a long time. How are you doing? I'm not using Facebook anymore (though I've left my account active just incase), so I haven't seen updates on anyone in over 5 years... Anyway, I hope you're well! Cheers!

[@Strigulino]

Far Cry Primal had a prehistoric grenade made of bees.

[@michaelandreipalon359]

It also doesn't attack alien enemies much. Oh, don't worry, at least you played (or are still playing) old yet quality multiplayer arena games. Nowadays, kids are a bit stupid when it comes to quality.

[@ericb3157]

yes, about the only time i've ever used a Snark as when i as on a platform ABOVE the enemies. THEN you don't have to worry about it backfiring. oh and i've heard that there are several weapons in the infamous game Daikatana that can hurt you with ricochets...including the VERY first one you get!

[@Xylus.]

Jane happens to own the cutest sweater ever made

[@BardicProductions]

What about The Broadsider from Fallout 4. It’s literally a cannon from a British ship stamp and all.

[@thijsvandervoort8261]

But it's not a pain to use or all that impractical. The Broadsider is great for heavy guns build or just as a more economical fat man substitute. Captain Ironsides wishes to see you on deck to discuss this blasphemous matter.

[@BardicProductions]

@@thijsvandervoort8261 To speak to Captain Ironsides. Think of such a thing in real life the kick of a Victorian era cannon not to mention it’s weight is enough to keep you from moving too fast if at all.

[@marhawkman303]

@@thijsvandervoort8261 IRL it'd be too heavy to carry, let alone fire... if you did somehow manage to fire it'd break your ribs.

[@Kpimpmaster]

Not to mention it’s a muzzle loader meaning you have to put black powder, patch, and a 10 pound cannonball into the barrel and stuff it as far down as possible P.S. I’m aware there is more to reloading a revolutionary war cannon then that but

[@TheCrow2483]

@@thijsvandervoort8261 why did I hear the bloody robots voice at that last part you said ?

[@noahwilliams446]

“…when you use it to peel your enemies’ viscera” I will NEVER get tired of y’all’s absolutely incredible wordplay!

[@sleepytime999998]

The jokes in this episode were absolutely top-tier.

[@LincolnEddy]

The joke about Elon Musk/crypto was subtle brilliance.

[@spaghettiwaffles]

I would like to note that the Final Fantasy 14 gunblade is said to fire powdered aether crystals so it essentially casts weak spells instead of just exploding

[@300IQPrower]

"More missing digits than a Wesley Snipes tax return" sometimes there's a joke so good it reminds me to like the video in itself, if only for it.

[@sheolcodemonkey4027]

Something about the way the OX crew talk to the camera makes me feel like I have friends

[@timvallier9701]

Another one in Morrowind is the severed Nord leg. The idea of beating someone to death with someone else’s leg is at the same time awesome and messed up.

[@RidireOiche]

Nobody in Westeros used the Iron throne as a weapon because not one of them levelled their strength stat high enough. A whole country of min/maxing dexterity or intelligence or faith builds, shame.

[@wouldiwasshookspeared4087]

I think The Mountain (post Viper fight) could have done it.

[@aag2139]

Bobby B probably would have done it, if someone had pointed it out to him

[@CaptainCathode]

Can we spend a moment discussing Shadow Hearts: Covenant, a JRPG featuring a character whose fighting style is 'hit anything with anything'. Joachim's weapons include (but are not limited to) a postbox, a frozen tuna & a space traveling submarine.

[@Zendrist-8128]

Let us not forget Frank from Shadow Hearts: A New World. He uses an actual swordfish, a cactus, and his ultimate weapon... an on fire sushi skewer.

[@skrayhe]

Dont forget a bus stop sign!

[@ShadowCthulhu]

those were the days of crazy characters in games.

[@skrayhe]

@@ShadowCthulhu Frank was amazing. He was like 80 but he was a Ninja and he just picked up random shit to smack people with.

[@mx2000]

Gun blades, more known as pistol swords, were actually a real thing in the 1600s.

[@justinscheps8065]

Neeeerrrrrrrrd

[@catlovingtrio]

I more thought towards the apache revolver, a gun-knife-brass knuckles hybrid that was terrible at all 3 of those things.

[@ChristophBrinkmann]

And they were bad. Really, really, bad. There's a reason they fell out of favor almost as quick as they were invented.

[@desmofan1864]

As a machinist, I appreciate Jane's ball peen joke :D 11/10

[@Roariken1]

Well there's the Keyblade. (The Kingdom Key in particular) It's a perfectly cylindrical "blade" with a handle too small for two hands and a jangly chain that swings around and hits you in the arm. I have a replica and it really does hit you in the arm.

[@aag2139]

and the way the guard is set up, you are gonna saw your own wrists off if you use it too long

[@Ceece20]

Listen, what if I glued many swords together to make one big sword? I’m pretty sure that’s how sword evolution works just like how I evolved a group of humans into a human centipede.

[@Angrymuscles]

Jane's hair has reached maximum awesomeness level. Worthy of poetry even, or some more super-chats in your next live-stream, either way really.

[@jonathanmcdevitt2140]

Aaaaaa I'm so glad to see Jane again! Missed ya lass

[@andrewharbison834]

Fun fact revolver swords were a real thing and were made predominantly with sabers during the American Civil war.... now I feel truly nerdy

[@marhawkman303]

yeah, but... they were kinda a fad because they were impractical

[@midastepes2772]

Dark souls 3: the crucifix of the mad king. Has randomized moves/bluffs and one literally creates a death orb behind you that explodes after a certain amount of time and can hurt you.

[@quietone610]

NOTHING from Daikatana? Not the hammer that breaks your OWN legs? The ion pistol that reflects shots into your face? The launcher that fires an explosive, bouncy pinball at your feet? NEVER miss a chance to pee on this game.

[@kalin6149]

I mean DS3 has that giant stone "sword" that's more of a giant bludgeon. I feel it's more impractical than the grafted blade.

[@MrGhostTheBigRoast]

The Fume Ultra Greatsword aka The FUGS aka The Boss HP melter. Not only is it a giant f off sword that also works as a 80% block shield, you can also put resins on it to add whatever elemental dmg you want. It was so OP, From nerfed it twice i think.

[@kalin6149]

@@MrGhostTheBigRoast the video is about impractability, not weapons that look stupid, but are boss melters that needed to be nerfed. My comment was talking about the validity of DS3 colossal stone sword which I remind you is 2x bigger than the character that required a super strength build to Weald. It wasn't even a bladed "sword" it was a bludgeon.

[@FelisImpurrator]

The fucking trumpets from Elden Ring are far more appropriate than the Grafted Blade. They're literally just colorful rainbow bubble blowers... that do the damage of artillery fire.

[@marhawkman303]

@@kalin6149 Well, IRL there's no way in hell you'd be able to lift that 1000 lb slab of stone though. :p

[@kalin6149]

@@FelisImpurrator oh yeah those bubble trumpets I forgot about those. The halligtree outer branches were definitely fun to clear with those dudes blowing bubbles at me.

[@VonBlade]

OT : Thank you for not paywalling stuff. For those of us stuck in a bleak hell hole of a terminal lack of funds, it's deeply appreciated and speaks to the character of the whole team. Which is why I've seen all of your videos twice, and most of them more often than Netflix.

[@KuhntaSmash]

I am convinced, that the Grafted blade from Elden ring, is the only thing George RR Martin contributed too. For that , I am thankful, Since the game was finished.

[@SolaScientia]

I've never watch GoT or read the books and I don't have much urge to do so, but I really don't see much of his influence at all. I get that he worked on the story/lore and such, but other than that sword I haven't come across anything that isn't what I'd expect from FromSoftware. I'm perfectly fine with that as well.

[@patrickboland2231]

Dung eater though?

[@Konpekikaminari]

you clearly haven't met the Blackguard Big Boggart

[@lordofuzkulak8308]

#2 - wow, cant believe you found an example of an OTT weapon where the Warhammer 40,000 version is the more sensible and practical one; their gun mounted chainblades fit into the bayonet lug and are used by guys who do wear helmets (and given how many go helmetless in the 40k universe, that’s saying something).

[@marhawkman303]

yeah, Warhammer chain bayonets are actually relatively small compared to the gun.

[@Chris_Sizemore]

Also the primary users of Chainsaw weapons in the 40k universe use a stand alone weapon for all their chainsaw needs.

[@marhawkman303]

@@Chris_Sizemore yeah, chainswords are definitely a thing in 40K.

[@elmerdeleeuw1569]

@@marhawkman303 Chain axes and chain glaives, too....

[@willowdelosrios4326]

@@elmerdeleeuw1569 don’t forget chain daggers, chain hammers and chain scythes, although none of those appear outside the various TTRPGs

[@aidanfolkes]

What about the Apoca-Fist from Saints Row: The Third. Boxing gloves that insta gibb your target. Given Newton's third law, every action has an equal and opposite reaction, that would liquify your hands.

[@FelisImpurrator]

Dubstep Gun? If it's loud enough to do damage to vehicles it's loud enough to implode your eardrums.

[@BogeyTheBear]

Why doesn't a rifle put a hole through your shoulder every time you fire it? Action and reaction-- so every thing that you do, happens to you too...

[@SeeE2ps]

I want to go on record and point out that the grip above the chainsaw blade is there to support the rifle when the saw is not in use. As there is an extendable handle positioned on the side of the rifle out of reach of the saw used for reloading ammo and directing the chainsaw safely. You can even see it in the cutscene they show where Carmine is sniped

[@AmyDentata]

Grafted blade greatsword is my character's current primary weapon, I love how ridiculous it is

[@skynet0912]

The Killstar from Far Cry Blood Dragon is really cool, until you notice that for all that power, you are paying with your ACTUAL health! Every time you hold down the fire button to use the super cool laser thingy, it drains your health, which isn't really what you want in a firefight where the goal is to NOT lose all your health...

[@detritus23]

Ironically, the gun-blade has a real world analogue: the sword-pistol. And, it is a terrible idea in reality as well. And, is it me but is the “waffle-pancake fusion” a “wancake?” Hmmm…

[@brenobaiardi3497]

When i make it i call it panffles

[@largepurplemonkey]

A wank-ache you say? 🤔

[@notproductiveproductions3504]

As well as a real world compromise: the gun’s bayonet

[@detritus23]

@@notproductiveproductions3504 Not a compromise, but a throwback: the bayonet was an overly-long retained feature of the arquebus, which also doubled as a pike. Never let innovation get in the way of tradition.

[@angrymokyuu9475]

​@@detritus23 Except people _have_ tried to get rid of the bayonet, only to bring it back. But I'm sure they just got all misty eyed instead of finding out the hard way their soldiers really could've used them before the enemy unalived them.

[@kiptheott]

Another suggestion is the Axe of Splendor from Salt and Sanctuary. Quoth the description: "A ceremonial axe cast from pure gold, carried by followers of a hedonistic cult as an everlasting symbol of quintessential splendor. Never actually intended for battle, it is in fact absurdly impractical as a weapon due to its crushing weight and malleable composition." Though actual gameplay doesn't match up with that description as it's actually one of the best one-handed axes in the game, it remains impractical due to only being available if you hunt for various rare items, give them all to a hidden cult in a secret area, and then spend a massive amount of money to purchase it. The Coveted and the Black Widow from the same game probably also count, as their descriptions note that they're both extremely cursed and everyone who wields either one ends up going violently mad.

[@AlAustin1981]

The gun blade has been an actual weapon from our history. I think used in Europe.

[@gagejoseph91]

On the topic of gunblades, Tales of Graces' Hubert has an absolutely badass weapon. A dual-blade that breaks apart at the handle to turn into twin-blades that flip back to become twin pistols.

[@GeekSHO]

The Grind Blade from Armored Core 5 is pretty outrageous and impractical. You have to eject the entire left arm of your mech, and you get to fire it only once. But it's a rack of six superheated glowing chainsaws. In fact your list could have been made entirely of From Software weapons.

[@TeamSoraPresents]

You realise this entire list could just be the bizarre weapons from the Ratchet & Clank series, right? Like, the Suck Cannon. Or the Tornado Launcher. Or literally any version of the Morph-o-Ray.

[@nathanielbass771]

was it called a lava whip or something? basically a giant whip made of flame that can slice through just about anything, or the Rh3no, which fires a dozen missiles that target everything in the area(one of the Rhxno series actually calls in an orbital strike XD)

[@GeneralNickles]

Don't forget the Rhyno V, which fires 40-some-odd nuclear missiles from your shoulder while blasting Tchaikovsky in the background.

[@kingofbengland]

I would like to point out that gun swords were actually a thing. I believe they were meant to be used as Jane suggests; stab the thing then shoot it while it's impaled to quickly dispatch it.

[@MunchKING]

Yeah, they were called Bayonets.

[@gingerbeargames]

there is a german gunhammer, 18th century i think * 17th

[@mycatistypingthis5450]

Very few that I have seen were actually usable. It's more 16-19th century tacticool.

[@DanStaal]

Mostly they were thought to be used the other way around: you shoot the first enemy, then use the sword on the second enemy. This back in the day when reloading your pistol for the next shot took at least half a minute. Though mostly they appear to have been sold as the equivalent of 'tacticool' now: it looks good and useful, but really isn't. In general they have structural problems which would render them useless as swords.

[@GhostBear3067]

Gun axes were actually used in combat, by Swedish and Polish cavalry.

[@someirishkid9241]

The Ray Sunshine cameo in the Bloodborne section is seen and appreciated.

[@Jessie_Helms]

How about in Team Fortress 2? The pyro has the “lollychop”, literally just a giant Lolly pop. Or the Sandvich

[@Ceece20]

Sandvich You forgot the v

[@Jessie_Helms]

@@Ceece20 thanks XD

[@Cyrus_T_Laserpunch]

The sandvich has practical application, never do a fight on an empty stomach.

[@Sr_ECO]

Don't forget that for some reason you can kill someone with a fish and spy's arm

[@massgunner4152]

The lollypop is no problem, you just swing it like a hammer, what about the Huo long heater? A minigun that constantly throws fire at your feet.

[@PoisonedAl]

May I add the revolvers in Planetside 2? Most notably, "The Commissioner." They look normal enough... until you reload them. The cylinder can split in half for a fast reload... which makes no sense. All it does is make a full reload take twice as long to load both sides. Looks cool tho.

[@westtexastiger]

"And a ball peen hammer is for peening balls...I think." I laughed pretty hard at that line. I'm surprised the Fatman from the Fallout series of games didn't make the list. The Big Boy variant was especially impractical.

[@chrisworsley8836]

What, no mention of the "All Rise" from the Fallout franchise? A sledgehammer with a mini rocket booster haphazardly attached to the back! If the rocket make enough trust to actually help with your swing, what's stopping it from flying out of your hands and whizzing around the room, braining everyone in sight? And you know it would set your back on fire every time you sling it over your shoulder because sledgehammers are heavy and the rocket never turns off! Great video guys!

[@chrisriley2321]

The sniper rifle/scythe of Ruby Rose in RWBY: Grimm Eclipse. Though any of the RWBY of JNPR weapons (except Jaune's) is cool but kinda impractical

[@nicholasfarrell5981]

Pyrrha's spear also worked well, because it's, y'know, a SPEAR and not a gun grafted into a melee weapon. Granted, she didn't need a gun because she was waifu-Magneto, but my point still stands.

[@phantomnite]

I mean, Adam's and Ravens Ravens weapons arnt impractical but yeah, most of them are, especially Ruby's. She really over designed it

[@GhostBear3067]

"It is also a gun" is kind of the point of at least 70% of the weapons in that series, practicality BE DAMNED!!

[@jaredcrabb]

Sniper scythe lady is awesome. Dont see enough scythes used as weapons.

[@phantomnite]

@@jaredcrabb shes kinda annoying and badly written

[@templatus006]

I think we found another thing to add to the list of things Dr Bright is not allowed to do at around the 4 minute mark.

[@Audes777]

The interesting thing about gunblades is, they actually were a thing.... for lighter blades like sabers, naturally and.... not necessarily practical either.

[@bbbbb8191]

This channel started baaaack long as a simple tier list like the many others on the platform. BUT unlike the others, this one has developed their meme game. Keep it up and strong i literally lol'd at the charamel macchiato threat that was so good between many others too.

[@austinteed3248]

You can 2hand the grafted greatsword with 20 STR just fine. 2h doubles STR fir weapon wielding.

[@davidmurray3542]

I think two handing is 1.5x Strength in Elden Ring, so you need 27

[@floofyfoxxo744]

@@davidmurray3542 you're correct

[@austinteed3248]

@@davidmurray3542 I guess I didnt know that. Ty.

[@lykanbluepaws]

I'm loving Janes cat arms jumper :D

[@manleychenoweth8144]

The gunblade in Parasite Eve 2 uses shotgun shells, works at range, and is pretty much a 1 hit kill it you hold the gun trigger as it's swinging. Still incredibly heavy and awkward though

[@grawlix311]

The gunblade in FF8 didn’t fire ammo, but rather used the mechanism to increase momentum when the trigger was engaged to do extra damage. Basically, it makes people with the arms of Squall swing with the force of Cloud!

[@theubiquitouspotato]

Yeah the lancer would actually work, dead mans handle on the front grip and an activation button above the pistol grip and its already safer than the first iteration of the actual chainsaw.

[@austinknight5881]

Especially concerning when you remember the chainsaw was designed to be a medical tool...

[@theubiquitouspotato]

@@austinknight5881 haha got be the only medical sound worse than a dentist drill.

[@BeanManolo]

@@theubiquitouspotato worst: it was originally made to saw open the pelvic bones to help giving birth. And of course without anesthesy. Because the pain of giving birth alone wasn't enough it seems...

[@FrenziedFury]

"See? Get yourself a sword that can do both!" Like Gauis' gunblade in FFXIV?

[@rodrigooliveira8728]

14:30 "... pretending money, that doesn't exist" I see what you did here sir and I love you Mike

[@thepopeofatheism]

I'm glad they skipped right past Cloud since that's such an obvious choice. The list could easily have included Guts' Dragonslayer, Hymir's Finger from Drakengard, Iron Will from Nier, or the Zweihander from Soul Calibur. All basically the same weapon. They could also include the gunblade from Parasite Eve 2. Or, more interestingly, the Hypervelocity from PE2.

[@Fanimati0n]

Agreed. "Heavy sword impractical" is such a trite sentiment

[@coyoteartist]

While the Gunblade in in game doesn't do what the name implies, there are real world analogs, although not as big. As far back as the 17th century, the French and Germans developed a pistol with a sword blade attached for killing a wounded wild boar. The US Navy created 150 Cutlass Pistols which attached a Bowie knife blade under the barrel of a pistol. Admittedly none of the historic attempts by militaries or civilians, proved very popular or plausible to manufacture due to expense or awkward build. Only one similar weapon, the Unwin and Rodgers Knife Pistol really had any true success. This handy little bugger was much like a Swiss army knife with a small caliber pistol and was used often by sailors. A .22 rimfire model known at the Defender is still in production

[@jpmusson]

I was surprised not to see the high heel guns from Bayonetta here

[@outsidexbox]

or the gunchucks!

[@davidcollinsjr4288]

"More missing digits than Wesley Snipes' tax returns" is a beautifully deep and dated joke that hits just right

[@kcollier2192]

This is why I was so disappointed in the Devil's Arms from Tales of Symphonia- they weren't real devil arms.

[@No_1_Sarcasm]

Guys i gotta say mike is by far my favourite presenter on here, for the sole reason that every time he talks about anything im reminded of wheatley

[@christophcookit6334]

It would be very nice of you if you wouldn't put a link on top of the options. I really like to use subtitles but I always have to click the link away first. It's annoying.

[@MatthewAshworth]

Very funny choices. The first thing that came to my mind are the glass weapons in Elder Scrolls games. That glass sword is going to shatter the moment I hit the first monster with it in real life. Also, how about the alien weapons from Half Life games, like the Barnacle or the Spore launcher? It's a miracle that Gordon Freeman hasn't had his hand bitten off yet.

[@persephoneunderground845]

Hate to be *that* person, but glass in those games is more like obsidian (mined from volcanic deposits in the ground in two varieties- "glass" which is green and used for "light" armor and "ebony" which is black and makes "heavy" armor) so not as bad as actual glass would be. There is a bit of real world history of using obsidian to make sharp edged weapons. Still not the *most* sturdy thing, you're right. It looked bad@ss and spiky in Morrowind so fits the list theme of "impractical but so awesome we don't care". (You specifically probably know most of that but put in the details for non-TES players because the game's details are pretty cool.)

[@MatthewAshworth]

@@persephoneunderground845 Yeah, I figured it was a different type of glass than what we have in the real world. Indeed, would rather use a metal alloy of some sort than anything that can shatter. XD

[@TheCrow2483]

Gotta love the cerebral bore weapon system I had amazing fun with that weapon on Turok on the N64

[@sergentboucherie]

When I read the description of the Grafted Blade Greatsword the first thing that came to mind was : " Yo dawg I heard you like swords, so I put swords in a sword"

[@fluffyxai5065]

I love when the outro is so long that the cards don't appear and they're just pointing to nothing like a crazy person

[@monbon_pierro5308]

I was excited when you mentioned fish. The first thing i thought of was the tuna cutlass from Skies of Arcadia. In the same game there's the swirlmerang, which is a gigantic lollipop boomerang.

[@missing_monkey1293]

The grafted blade is amazing my one does 1200 a hit and that’s without any buffs