9 Subtle Betrayals Of The COVERT Narcissist

[@CommonEgo]

*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist

[@The_eh_list]

Thank you for everything you do 💗. I really need a female friend in my life, I've always been a girls girl and loved having close friendships with other women, but I pretty much don't have any of those relationships anymore. Watching your videos makes me feel like I have a friend. Thank you so much for that. I bet we would be great friends. 💞

[@squizitzithatsitalianforyu4782]

@@The_eh_listaww I’ll be your friend 2😎

[@The_eh_list]

@@squizitzithatsitalianforyu4782 😊👋🏼

[@incognito595]

If you are like many, the reason your friends have fallen away over the years is due to the horror of Narc Abuse. They Isolate You. That's part of their playbook. It happens to Many of us. Me, included!

[@charles120001]

When you spoke about the early stages of a relationship and said they shower you with grand gestures like flowers, it revealed you are working on the false belief that narcissists are only male when there are just as many female narcissists as there are male narcissists. Your bias is offensive and not helpful to your credibility. I'll stick to listening to real Doctors in psychology, Doctor Ramani and Prof Sam Vaknin on KZbin.

[@JB-sw8db]

It’s easy to hate the narcissist for what they did to you, it’s even easier to hate yourself for letting it happen

[@debralondon2402]

Amen!!!

[@andrewschoenfeldt5620]

Time to Time battle. But you are here winning the war.

[@ADL856]

This 👆🏾

[@debralondon2402]

Yes

[@nnglnd]

Learn from it and never forget.

[@The_eh_list]

They even side with complete strangers against you. they never take your side.

[@joycebutterworth5335]

They do a smear campaign with everyone you know, plus others to go against you. It’s all lies.

[@The_eh_list]

@chrisdague5153 no what I mean is I tell them that someone was mean or hurtful to me when I was by myself and he makes excuses or reasons for that the treatment was justified. It doesn't matter I'm always wrong.

[@cmockingjay7265]

OMG so true! I used to say “how come you never take my side on anything?!?”

[@cressiddabreo5683]

Same…

[@jac1161]

they never come to bat for you, after you've fought for them in public always - feels like what I grew up with in family, so ....we get comfortable with the discomfort :(

[@christinabryant1899]

And then if you stand up for yourself,YOU get called a narcissist.

[@Moshka627]

Their projection/table turning is a heavy hitter tool in their gaslighting toolbox and it's absolutely maddening.

[@RavnThor]

Right?! It's crazy!!

[@xavierbreath2227]

Exactly. They project all their faults and inadequacies onto you.

[@deniseRN4]

Yes, my adult sons haven't talked to me since I left the marriage 😢

[@andrewschoenfeldt5620]

💯

[@awendigowithinternetaccess4400]

I choose me. I deserve the truth. I am worthy. I'm breaking free. ❤

[@xdc1776]

❤🙏 i broke Free at Christmas she done so much damage Now I'm at peace

[@nicoleswarbrick5754]

Yes you are!!!!!

[@ellenellieb3416]

I deserve the truth

[@marytaylor9504]

I was RESCUED!!! PRAISE GOD FOR MY DELIVERANCE!!! I NOW have MY TRUE IDENTITY BACK!!!

[@GeezerWheelClub]

For me the worst betrayal of my ex was just after 24 years together I had a medical emergency and found myself in the hospital fighting for my life over 6 days. She only came to visit once because our 15 year old son wanted to see me. She only stayed 15 min. I laid there heartbroken all those days. I thought she was my person, my support but instead she sent me photos of her at the beach while I fought to live alone. This all happened right after I bent over backwards to be her support during her battle with breast cancer. After I survived my ordeal I divorced her and found out that she was cheating on me for years. That hurt but not as bad as laying in the hospital without my wife there to care for me while I was trying to live.

[@kiradelarochefoucauld7499]

You healed and made it through! Now you KNOW that ALL Healing Energy comes from GOD inside of you, also generating ALL the LOVE we FEEL inside of all of us. It's an inside job! That's the best part of all this nonsense. Dwell on that. The Truth will Make you Free.

[@lojzakaiser3079]

This is heart breaking. They're not really even human. I had been suffering for worsening exhaustion and the consequences of long term overwork and stress to support my wife and kids. One night, I ended up in the E.R. after telling my narc wife that I was close to a breakdown. She just looked at me blankly. My son asked her to take my gun because he was concerned I might harm myself. She told me he wanted her to take the gun, so I said OK. The gun was out in the open for her to take. The next day, the gun was still there. That was the moment I realized that she wants me to die. She betrayed my son. I asked her why she didn't take it, and she said that. I needed to hand it to her. She wasn't just going to pick it up. Any caring I felt for her finally vanished and I went numb. They're parasites.

[@sandeep_k55]

That's too bad... Have strength to move on with strength. Regards

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Their behavior is despicable.

[@aliceputt3133]

There are good people out there. You are free. You deserve a true relationship.

[@debbysmith5346]

I am so proud of you! Please don't make my mistakes be your mistakes! Do NOT spread over half your life like I did. I'm 65 and I wish I knew.

[@truthhurtshuh5443]

You aren't alone I wasted over twenty years I look at my situation as I no longer have to deal with the lies being accused of cheating when everything I was accused of he was doing I'm Free as a bird and it never felt so good look at it as a new lease on life 🤗

[@melb2734]

​@@truthhurtshuh5443Before I even read the last part I thought they're probably accusing you of what they're doing.

[@squizitzithatsitalianforyu4782]

Opocheetzi !

[@truthhurtshuh5443]

@@melb2734 You no these things that happened to me I didn't even post they were so evil I'm to embarrassed to talk about it the STDs to STIs but I'm alive I'm love healthy taking one day at a time when I look back God had my back.

[@seldnim46]

I’m at 15 years next week. I think she’s pregnant with our 4th. Oldest is already out the house.

[@edweirdmassey]

When I brought issues up with my ex she would push my buttons until I would explode and yell. I’m not proud of this but that is how it was. In the 27 years we were married I don’t think a singe issue was ever resolved because it automatically became about my yelling. I have learned and grown since then.

[@moosegoose7076]

Same shit here brother.

[@Liz-in8lu]

I’m sorry to hear. I’ve experienced that too. Whenever I mentioned something that a normal person would listen to, he said “I don’t want to argue”. Nothing was resolved and not one time I was heard or understood.

[@zachmckaak]

Exactly the same here..

[@santoparfano1910]

Brother same here. 26 years married to my narc wife...soon to be separated. Never resolved anything bc she would never own anything...even cheating. The issue isn't our reaction to the games bc everybody eventually blows if exposed to this abuse. I NEVER raised my voice before her. Now I don't react to her provoking bc there is no point. Now she ends up blowing up and yelling bc she doesn't get her supply from me. Never tolerate this behavior from anybody. I will walk if red flags start to appear in future relationships...professional or personal.

[@auriuman78]

We're not alone 😢☺️ wife of 12 years. All I ever wanted to be was a physicist with a loving supportive wife who would be there the way I wanted to be there for her to support whatever she wanted to be. Instead I wound up being a house slave with an unsatisfiable master who wants to just spend all her time shopping and God knows what else. I have been told so many times that I'm too sensitive and always over react and that I'm just a p****.

[@xavierbreath2227]

Always remember that these words have never been spoken… “The covert narcissist got better.” Dump them and ghost them.

[@tariqalodat720]

😂😂😂True, it's fictional.

[@JessAnonymous]

Well tbh my covert narc mom got "better" but she still has ways to go. Only God can heal them fr because they allowed the world to turn them cold/dark/evil.

[@edwong4178]

Narcs can only use primitive and neurotic defense mechanisms like projection, reaction formation, denial and acting out. Whenever we are drawn into conflict with them, it helps to remind ourselves that we are dealing with a forever child and view their behaviours accordingly.

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Our brain assumes that people who look like other adult humans are in fact other adult humans. Reminding ourselves they are not does not erase the fact that they are dangerous and harmful.

[@gobetter350]

Primitive defence mechanism.like they are trying to hide behind their finger,thinking that we dont see what they are doing.

[@skippy6462]

That's my Mum. And the next comment. She looks like an adult but behaves like a toddler. At 58 only just realised my separated parents are narcissists. They've destroyed themselves and my siblings. Divide and conquer. Four daughters and a step daughter. Plenty of scapegoats and golden childs to go round. Sadly effected the grandchildren too. One narc sister and another is a gaslighter. Three generations of eating disorders too. Felt so damaged that I didn't have children because I didn't want them to suffer like I had. Thought it was normal and how could I put children through that! By the time I realised I could be a good mum I didn't have a life partner. Wasn't going to have children without a great Dad. Meet my life partner at 45 and we're married and solid. Unfortunately his sister is a narcissist too and is close. Too close. Causes me pain. Husband doesn't want to see anything. Hindsight. Wishing I knew about narcissism 15 years ago. Had a gaslighter for 15 years before that. Anyhow better late than never. Have reduced my contact with my Mum. It breaks my heart because I've always thought she was just unwell and had bad habits/personality but the constants lies, betrayals and trouble making just for her own amusement/entertainment. She's a life long hoarder and in loads of pain... mentally and physically so mischief making and only seeing the worst in every one! Has nothing good to say.

[@chamuuemura5314]

@rubberbiscuit99 As basic as what you said is, I’d never thought of it before but it explains how in the moment the person, reverting emotionally to a child, could blatantly lie cheat while feeling lied to or cheated.

[@docingraham]

Underrated comment, solid advice.

[@Play-All-The-Games]

I deserve the truth. I'm tired of being lied to and then treated like I'm the problem.

[@Liz-in8lu]

Could agree more. He lies even to a simple question, like what did you eat. It is so disrespectful and unnerving to deal with someone like this.

[@MrSkinkarde]

Why do you think you are so special? Nobody is. Everybody is human.

[@Play-All-The-Games]

@@MrSkinkarde ulterior thought process - I am no more special than anyone else. We all deserve things like the truth and being treated with human decency.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Dad gaslights me, finds it funny when I fight back, he is sarcastic, sadistic, dismissive(he hates women) and blames me for all of his abuse on me. What a jackass he is! I am not in contact with him.

[@josmclove4426]

They start arguments out of thin air and then make it your fault. Sick creatures!🤦🏽‍♂️

[@martingaribay2619]

Why is it that all narcissist share these patterns of behaviour like they were trained at the same academy?

[@franco2b145]

Same demons, different flesh suits.

[@advancedbasicsAB]

Yes that was something that struck me too. When i first started looking into what narcissism is, so many stories could have been my own

[@avanellehansen4525]

Like any disease (diabetes, stroke, heart attack, etc) they have specific symptoms. It does feel demonic.

[@cressiddabreo5683]

Jesus cast out a Demon from a man (Mark 5:9). my name is Legion for we are many. It’s the only explanation I have as to why all of their behavior seems as though they went to the same training academy.

[@EightBallAnswers1]

They all run the same script. It’s shocking, but luckily for a normal decent person- makes it ez to identify! I believe they’re possessed by evil. Seriously.

[@joycebutterworth5335]

A narcissist hates an educated empath. Thank you, and many more, for teaching the victim how to deal with the narc. Take your power back, and weaken the narc, and they don’t use as many tactics on you because they know you know what they’re are doing.

[@rainncorbin8291]

They hate a healed empath even more

[@garrimic3]

I’m coming to the conclusion that being alone is not a bad thing.

[@thomasduell1239]

100%. Better to be lonely than to be miserable. Period!!!!!!!

[@9031LN1H]

Yep in my early 60s, I'm good being SINGLE through my remaining daze!

[@dianeblach4322]

Never a truer word!! ❤

[@KelvinChilemba-z6q]

I agree with you, totally. 👌😊 Am going through this situation as we speak

[@sailguns9332]

Seriously. Get on a dating app for some hookups it’s safer

[@kirkturnage3426]

I have dealt with “I didn’t say that” so many times I started repeating the insult over and over again in real time right after she says it… It’s ridiculous but she can’t deny saying it.

[@lovesings2us]

Ha! Good for you! I'm inspired by your comment.

[@nadineelizabeth195]

Or "I don't remember"

[@missdollarless98cents]

I started recording things... then one day I realized how crazy that was. Now working on healing

[@nadineelizabeth195]

@@missdollarless98cents what was crazy

[@Liz-in8lu]

@@missdollarless98centshaha me too! I recorded him once and felt horrible. I showed him the next day and he still acted like it never happened. Denial and no apology. That’s when I knew to give up.

[@mindaerror2543]

I TRUST MYSELF 💝😇‼️ I CHOOSE ME 🥰😘‼️ I DESERVE the TRUTH ‼️ I AM WORTHY 🤗🤩‼️ I AM BREAKING FREE‼️‼️‼️

[@jokettedj]

YES YES YES 🎉

[@rizzlapauper113]

Gaslighting stopped when I discovered "recording"

[@molly9518]

Fo me it did not stop the gaslighting. But it did help me to realize what was happening: I was NOT the one yelling, I DID answer his questions, I WAS talking loud enough to hear it... etc. That helped me a lot.

[@matriarchalprayerproject]

Yes I just started recording a man I think is a covert narcissist and listening to the conversation made me think "why the hell am I putting up with this garbage?"

[@molly9518]

@@matriarchalprayerproject Good for you!! Hope you get away, without too much trouble

[@TaylorTot_707]

Ha! I play back recordings and he walks out the room! He knows he gaslighting and will continue regardless of proof. He doesn’t care.

[@littlechick2128]

Such actions as recording or writeing things down, with the narcs knowledge and blessing.... if proven wrong he would punch me out, steal family heirlooms ir photos of my late husband, ir my phone being grabbed and smashed. Calling the police simply got me sanctioned at my mobile home park... it's a no win situation. Rooted in infidelity... always rooted in cheating.. don't walk babe... RUN!!

[@nickus51]

They are like text book. Every single one acts exactly the same. They act like they care, you open up to them, share your past and vulnerabilities with them, only to be later used against you. Mine brutally discarded me with words: "Look in the mirror. How could you possibly think you have a chance with me. You are broken from your past." Of course only after hearing from her how we are ideal for each other and getting attached.

[@markschmeits3702]

Same here. At first I was her soulmate and she said: i love you so much you will become my downfall. And in the end she discarded me saying “You should have been so happy with someone like me. You are so insecure and selfish” and other cruel things that were not even true but projections. Scary stuff!

[@roseglasses1]

Mine shrieks at me and shrieks at me while I beg him to stop and one of his favorite expressions yelling is “L, look in a mirror!!!” It’s insane. They’re all the same.

[@dauglove7835]

All of the above for 23 years. I’m healing. So thankful that I found this kind of information. I really had no idea. I was a shell when he threw me out like trash or worse. I am thankful I made it through the worst of my recovery and am still ere. I feel like I was a shattered vase and now I’m glued together and the cracks are filling with gold like that Japanese gold repair glue… I am a different person and my eyes are wide open. I am so much stronger than ever and I was strong enough to survive this. Blessings to all of you who are going through this.😊

[@tobiasdeppler5048]

They are master empathy fakers and paint your world relentlessy grey if it gets too colourful and happy, real joy seems to be their enemy and everything is shallow and hollow with them

[@xenatron9056]

So true, I used to go to my 'friends' house bright and happy and within seconds she would turn the colour right out and everything was grey. I finally stopped the friendship as I realised she Neve wanted to see me happy. so sad that she doesn't even know what she is doing and I was tired of trying to get her out of the dumps.

[@Agheel963]

​@@xenatron9056 noticed the same thing and did what you did. Happiness is like cancer to them and they want to snuff that out of you

[@jill3330]

True- it took me so long to accept that my ex was incapable of joy. Now I realize how sad and damaged he was

[@josmclove4426]

Indeed They just can't deal with stability and reality 🤦🏽‍♂️

[@Healing_Oaks]

Well said

[@dclarke1896]

I can’t believe that I experienced all 9 of the subtle betrayals you discussed consistently from romantic partners that claimed to love me and want the best for me. However whenever I was with them my internal alarms went into overdrive and manifested as anxiety, depression and being easily triggered. I am so thankful for content creators like you that explain NPD and the tactics used! 🙏❤️

[@melissaphillis7247]

My hubby would take me on a drive, maybe even lunch out, then while we are finally chatting and getting along, would bring up a new hobby and sport their interested in and the equipment they'll need to buy. Of course i would not want to lose the connection we'd started to gain again, and I would support their new interest. But anything i am interested in, im reminded of all the bills. (He's in charge of the household income and paying everything). I need to get out. I deserve the truth

[@michelleshoffner7976]

17 years with a husband like that. The selfishness knew no bounds.

[@gregknight3129]

I broke free… and you helped. Thank you.

[@The_eh_list]

YAY!!! 🙌🏼 💖Im so happy for you! Congratulations 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🎉

[@avanellehansen4525]

Don't look back! ❤

[@simpatico4004]

I never for one second thought my covert narcissist partner would cheat on me. I thought she’d do everything but that. I thought knew her at least that well. Lol. Well that betrayal hit me like a wall of bricks.

[@kenmaylin4744]

I went to my ex about an issue with her and her "girls nights" and how disrespectful she was being toward me. Her immediate response was" you sound miserable, we should probably get divorced" I had my suspicions but no proof. After a cpl weeks I talked to a buddy of mine and he found a phone# for the guy I suspected. I checked my phone bill and sure enough, several calls a day and all through the night for months....

[@patrickkozak9490]

What is the difference between a one night stand and a "relationship" of longer time duration ? I don't see one. The new age culture has deceived people into believing that if they engage in fornication they haven't insulted and betrayed themselves as well as the other

[@dariel9227]

Yup I’m in shock and truly heart broken and it’s like my eyes won’t even let me believe what I saw cus I can’t even remember with all the gaslighting and manipulation but I’m trusting my instincts.

[@opossumdreams]

I trust myself…and I forgive myself for decisions I made in fear. ♥️

[@dinab7852]

I'll keep saying it...this KZbin channel is a lifesaver & watching your videos keep me from NOT falling into a deep depression or going insane. THANK YOU 🙏

[@olympics1234567]

The problem is, that if you're a kind, loving person, and don't think like they do, you don't even suspect that the abuser is intentionally manipulating and hurting you. Then they do their dirty work, gradually, and subtlety, and the more they tear down your self esteem, the weaker you become to be able to see the truth and take a stand. It's demonic.

[@katiec7974]

Not being sarcastic here but you're exactly correct cuz yes... they learn everything about u THEN start tearing u apart cuz why???.... u can't tear down something that hasn't been built... in other words, that's the whole point of the "building up" process or the "get to know u period" in those sickos.... to use what they can to destroy someone else... they can't hurt u if they don't have ahold of u in some way, whether it's an attachment they got u to feel like love, trust, loyalty, or a litera attachment (as inthe physical) like got u to cosign a loan, give them control everything u own (like power of attorney or putting someone on your checking account cuz they've got u snowed its "for the best, just in case"... yeah.... and monkeys might fly outta my butt lmao (a lil' cinematic humor there from Wayne's World... my bad if it was inappropriate 🤭) Basically, would u trust your entire life to someone u had no reason to trust? Then u wouldn't get torn apart by the untrustworthy. Here enters the narcissist.... the absolute worst of the worst when it comes to the most dangerous and destructive of the psychopathies to have the pleasure to run into cuz, well, sociopaths aren't all that pleasant and psychopaths don't have a problem letting their issue all hang out whereas the narcissist, he/she is a snake in hunting mode, a shark 24-7 & does NOT stand out whatsoever to us unsuspecting, sweet, kind, ever so caring, completely vulnerable for we're the most empathetic of humans, the victims....

[@JasonPacheco-wf8xe]

It's hard to believe and realize someone that you love and you think loves you would actually do the shit they do. I know I still don't want to believe my ex girlfriend did all the things I'm sure she did. It messes with your mind so bad.

[@kylelofthouse8776]

Absolutely I wish I realized sooner she didn’t really love me and she was trying to hurt me on purpose.

[@Agheel963]

Knew something was wrong just didn't have a name to put to it. One day I watched videos about narcissim... I woke up from their matrix right then

[@george-trad]

I know, I didn’t realize this until after I was discarded, and I went down the rabbit hole of learning about personality disorders, and attachment styles, then the truth finally hit me. I am so disappointed in myself for not recognizing this emotionally and psychologically abusive behavior.

[@TheCm1546]

I’m freeee! Thank you! No contact right when you feel something is off is very important. Don’t let them love bomb you again and give you crumbs. Work on yourself. Become a super empath! 🎉❤ As soon as I got sober taking yoga 5 days a week meeting new healthy friends after they isolated me from my old friend my happiness was like a gut punch to the narc. The rage increased as I got happier and stop arguing and defending myself. Of course they got new supply as I was pulling away.

[@RG80085]

I had such a similar experience like the first example. My ex always venting about an annoying girl from her church group like she had a subtle competition with her. Every life event this girl celebrated was bashed by my ex. (buying a home, getting married, getting pregnant). Years later one of her good friends and spouse purchased a home. I didnt find out until a month later and asked my ex why she didnt tell me she says, "I didnt want to tell you because you get jealous of other people" I was absolutely stunned, I have never been one to be jealous of my friends success, I love seeing my friends doing well. It was a huge wake up call and lead me to uncover what covert narcissism is and explain a lot of her awful behavior and eventually break free.

[@irenahabe2855]

❤

[@michaelmcfadden4397]

When you talk about the devaluation phase, the thing which shocked me and actually made me realise I was with a bad person and not just a person with flaws was when she said 'you've changed since your dad died' about 6 weeks after he had died and my best friend had commited suicide. Looking back I think she just overplayed her hand while I was grieving and thought she saw something to exploit. I had questioned myself so many times before she said that, but her comment was born out of a frustration that I had asked several times for an evening to myself to gather my thoughts. I asked for those evenings because she was regularly abusive while drinking throughout the relationship and I just really couldn't be bothered to deal with it at the time. That devaluation was literally about normal emotions and made me realise that no, you are not wrong and you don't matter to this person, now RUN!

[@rizzlapauper113]

I can't do this anymore... The world is full of narcs. I quit....

[@clintonnagy1662]

Me too. It sucks

[@Liz-in8lu]

Me three. Where do non-narcs live? 😔

[@clintonnagy1662]

@@Liz-in8lu Heaven

[@santoparfano1910]

Im exiting a 26 year marriage to my narc wife. Been though he'll and back. God tells us in the bible to live for him and not for the world. I understand why now bc God is always faithful. Most people....not so much.

[@josmclove4426]

​@@santoparfano1910indeed I'm working on strengthening my relationship with God.Tired of dealing with shifty people!🤦🏽‍♂️

[@sitcoms101]

My worst “best friend” of a decade BROKE my spirit. She was the definition of an insecure, copycat, arrogant covert narcissist who lives in a passive aggressive “oh I’m so innocent” type of way. I hope that horrible girl gets her karma.

[@Agheel963]

My narc friend had 14 years and couldn't break me bet that hurts him. Not being funny with this comment as a broken spirit needs a lot of recovery ❤

[@Forgottenworlds777]

Sounds like an old high school Ex friend 😞

[@DragonballSteve83]

I came from such an abusive over the top overt narcissistic family that when I grew up and married into covert narcissist family cult environment, I didn’t see all the damage because for so long it felt like at least it wasn’t as bad as the hell I came from. I couldn’t see or really understand these people smiling through their teeth while doing everything else behind my back. I remember saying the exact words “ I can’t be wrong all the time!?”

[@regineheine5707]

I have always been wrong whatever I did or said in any other way my parents would have. If this wasn’t enough to throw me in total insecurity they invented something and threw it upon me like glitter. I was a „ happy servant“ to my parents. Deep inside something felt wrong. I became depressed when I was nine years old, hoping, somebody would see my inner pain. The selfquestioning and doubting started very early on in my life. So many helpful skills with regard to myself were shut down. I was able to use these skills only when dealing with someone other than me alone.I lived through two marriages( one overt, one covert narcissist). I was literally near death when I left. Felt good at first. Six months later a deep depression caught me. I started healing some months ago ( I am 67 by now) and asked god for a good life for the next 30- years. I want to put an end to the guilt, shame and blame of all the different layers of my life.

[@santoparfano1910]

Brother I came from the same family environment and married a covert narc wife and her crazy family. The comment of not always being wrong hit me hard bc I always was treated like a parrhia from her and her family .

[@DragonballSteve83]

@@santoparfano1910 the whole family flying monkey troop supports each other in a toxic echo chamber. They can’t change so we have to be “wrong”

[@Nina94771]

I trust myself I chose myself I am worthy I am a survivor and that ain’t gunna change

[@rccola5167]

The problem with coming from a good homelife as a child is, you dont see this coming. Not at all.

[@YOU-niter]

Yes!

[@bereal6590]

When you come from it, you still don't see it either because you think it's normal.

[@josmclove4426]

​@@bereal6590indeed

[@theresapannuti6291]

I fell hook, line and sinker.

[@tailsthefox6568]

Facts

[@timc2493]

These narcs are nothing more than vampires, trying to collect souls and keep them on a shelf until they want to grab more energy from them

[@Patsanford220]

Basically like serial murderers taking “trophies” from their victims so they can relive the conquest and feel ownership of the persons life 😮 I watch too much court tv lol

[@avanellehansen4525]

Yes. We are seen as objects. I made my clean (no contact) break while I was on the shelf.

[@moosegoose7076]

Check out song damn cold vampires

[@stephaniewebb9474]

Thanks for that comment about unintentionally gaslighting someone. People make mistakes, but self insight is key.

[@user-j7t8u]

Years ago a friend’s husband always used to joke that he was just playing devil’s advocate. I avoided talking to him as I clocked the gaslighting (although I did not know the term at the time)

[@Patsanford220]

Those devil’s advocate types are the worst! They’re really just trolls 🧌

[@Construction_Girl]

My now ex was the exact same. You say blue, he’d say green, you agree green and he’d say turquoise. Everything was a disagreement and ultimately just too much hard work.

[@robertabrown4123]

After the love bombing, instead of outright insults, it can also be extreme neglect while giving others the compliments or outright cheating.

[@truhhhhhhhokIII3]

To everyone with seemingly no support through these times: i love you and you got this 🔥 The mind games make you stuck in a weird dark spot for a while, but it does get better the more you educate yourself on the topic. It sucks sometimes, but no-contact is most likely the answer. …But thankfully you wont be alone, bc many others and i have made it through and healed and hope the best for you and your healing!

[@JasonPacheco-wf8xe]

Thank you I needed to hear that this morning

[@reaperinfinite8427]

Yes, but kids change that, you feel like you have to protect them from the narcissist

[@ebayordie4633]

I told her about a guy that has done me wrong in the past… so when she got angry with me, she went out of her way to make friends with him, and then told me all about what a nice guy he is and how well they get along.

[@AngelCatUK]

Wow, sorry that happened to you. That is certainly a narcissists favorite game. They also like to spread malicious gossip behind your back, while smiling sweetly to your face. Then you notice people start to act differently with you. By the time you figure out what's going on, it's too late. Then you frantically try to do damage control to save your reputation and they call you crazy and paranoid. It's horrific.

[@ebayordie4633]

Dude.. me too…mine did the exact same thing

[@MrTron33]

I trust and love myself, and I will NEVER doubt myself again!!!

[@randyabney]

I trust myself. Way more than ever before.

[@kre8504]

I left the NarcNessMonster 6 yrs ago!! Tired of pretend friends!! I deserve the TRUTH & a Transparent friend, whom I can trust. Maybe even a trustworthy husband, if one can be found!!

[@Agheel963]

NarcNessMonster I like that 😅

[@Geoff852]

It’s scary how your description of the love bombing and trauma bond it perfectly accurate. Things I said out loud and to myself. Im worthless. How did I screw this up when she was so in love with me. No one has ever looked at me that way… in hindsight, she always talked about her male coworker to triangulate me.

[@mrgregory322]

You NAILED it!!! If you take two weeks off with no contact you will sober up and see the truth. Then it is much easier to leave.

[@loriceasor220]

My narc got me to lend him $40 000 to buy a Porsche, and said he would pay me back in two weeks, he had a buyer for one of his other cars. He guilt tripped me into lending him the money, even against my better judgement. Everything you have said happened to me. He discarded me yesterday because I caught him cheating. I guess my $40 000 is a hard lesson.

[@Agheel963]

That's an expensive lesson to learn. My ❤ goes out to you

[@Angela-ph1ik]

Wow that's bad

[@louisaharley6635]

That was obviously orchestrated hecwanted caught he had your money.

[@realBeltalowda]

Reactive abuse is HARD to deal with, and it absolutely causes you to question yourself.

[@JacK-qn4zh]

Once you learn....It is a very long journey to become yourself again!

[@ericberger4511]

This has been one of the single most disturbing videos I've watched since starting to try to extricate myself from what I really think is narcissistic abuse by what I hope is now my ex- girlfriend. I cannot believe how I've let myself be abused and taken advantage of because I thought I was acting either mature or generous or I don't know what I thought I was doing. I am saving this video and watching it again even though it hurts

[@cjf5412]

I think the hardest thing besides not understanding why they did this to us or them not taking accountability for what they did to us is the stigma of going through the abuse and trying to express what we went through just to receive either go back to them or move on. Really? Because it’s so simple. Why didn’t I think of that? Also having to put as much into ourselves as we put into them for us just to get to level zero. We’ve accepted the minimum for so long to make us happy that we would be ok with being at zero. Truly truly sad. I hope this made sense. I’m in month two of recovery and everything just kinda blends together at this point.

[@markschmeits3702]

Not understanding is definitely the hardest. Besides not getting any closure. And also the realisation that it was all an illusion. I wish you best of luck in recovery. Its hard to “not think about it “ anymore right?

[@cjf5412]

@@markschmeits3702 Thank you. We need all the support we can get for all the support we didn’t receive. I know it seems cliche to say these things. But it is absolutely true.

[@markschmeits3702]

@@cjf5412 not a clichee at all. And even if it were: its a clichee for a reason (because its true)😉 And I agree you felt so alone in the relationship. It was as if she was not on my team but the opponent’s. That hurt. And now I need to summon courage in myself to make myself feel good again. Which I agree is hard. Especially without a network of good friends.

[@JenniferBrooke45]

It makes sense to me. I miss him so much still and I hate myself for being so weak and lonely. I want the bread crumbs I'm so pathetic. Being told lie after lie, along with all the stuff he was keeping about, then blamed and yelled at for HOURS then loved again, idk myself anymore...

[@cjf5412]

@@JenniferBrooke45 once you truly realize that the person you loved never existed in the first place you start to recognize yourself again. It does get better.

[@gloriadonahue7241]

WOW! 263,000 subscribers. I remember when it was in the 10,000's. Keep up the great work. We all love you. ❣

[@CommonEgo]

❤Thank you for sticking around ❤🙏

[@thenrylee]

I have gone from one narcissist to another and didn't realize it till just now. OMG!

[@JanayRobinson-dj2ub]

I CHOOSE ME AND MY CHILDREN ALWAYS AND FOR EVER

[@ameliasavage4307]

I trust myself and love my self .

[@ADL856]

She did every single one of these things. I finally ended it after 13 years (went back once and it became worse than before). Afterwards, I learned my mother was one too; found out that it wasn’t chemistry it was familiarity that I chose in an intimate partner. Healing journey started a month ago. Rebuilding my mental health, physical strength, and finances. You got this.

[@glicmathan1771]

I am breaking free! Thank you! A lot of relevant information here mirroring my own experiences.

[@will_Iam61]

I understand, to some degree, the covert narcissists need to never accept accountability or anything that could reflect negatively on them. That's a twisted form of self-defense. But what I don't understand is the deliberate gaslighting to get you to doubt yourself, even when there is nothing going on. Mine will watch a program on T.V. and then the next day or a couple days later put the same exact program on and be watching it. When I point that out that she's watching the same program again, she'll act like, "no, I didn't watch this, maybe you watched it by yourself." This has happened more than once, and I know her memory is just fine. This kind of set up is not a defense, it's just evil manipulation to make me think I'm going crazy. The subtle covert narcissist is the worst. Took me a while to catch on to all the subtle craziness. If you feel confused after dealing with your SO, just start watching the behavioral patterns and see if you see the signs of a covert, passive agressive narcissist.

[@zacblake9249]

Excellent video! I recently walked out of a toxic friendship with a covert/self righteous narcissist. Not gonna lie, it feels a bit icky, mostly because I had had previous relationships (colleagues and friends, all former). However, it took me much less time to not jsut see the red flags but walk away in the middle of a rage episode (she was angry at her boss but took it out on me over nothing). I'm okay with her ignoring me -- I do the same and have become over the years, quite adept at it to a point that today she was next to me and I never felt her presence, once. I'm also okay with her never apologizing. I'm done, and it feels great.

[@Patsanford220]

Well done! It isn’t easy to walk away from a friendship. Yet so many of our “friends “ , when we reflect on the relationship, are really frenemies. Subtle jabs and put downs disguised as jokes, condescending comments, competing with you when they sense you getting ahead in life (they like to keep you “lower” than them so they have the upper hand), not being there for you when you’re going through some seriously traumatic life changing illness, never replying to your texts or calls but you always answer when they contact you…. All of these were things my former “best friend “ did. Until I finally ended the friendship a couple weeks ago. When I told her I’d been diagnosed with a severe illness that is a disability and will be with me for the rest of my life, which will be shorter than it should be as a result of said illness, she didn’t say anything. Instead, she blocked me. Why? Because she couldn’t accept that one of her friends who was my teammate last year on an adult competitive sports team had bullied me for the first four months of the season, and when I reported her to the coaches, they did nothing to her and had a private meeting with me in which they questioned my sanity or well being “out of concern”. In doing so, the coaches violated a major SafeSport code (SS was implemented in many sports to prevent abuse and punish abusers. Coaches are mandatory reporters and when an athlete reports bullying, they’re required to report it to SS so they can investigate as the coaches aren’t experts in bullying but SS is. The bully in my case is a coach’s favorite and the coaches over-rostered their teams and made all of us fight for competitive spots. As a result, this triangulation kept the team from bonding and athletes were willing to sabotage each other for a spot. The training atmosphere was tense, catty, shallow and judgmental, and we mostly only ever got negative feedback, or were walking on eggshells waiting for the coaches to randomly pull us and put someone else in our spot. I should note that competition spots weren’t handed out based on skill. Rather, it was political and based on favoritism, prejudice and bias. We underachieved for two seasons and I quit last year. Of course, they just won nationals for the first time since 2020 last week. I already got my gold medal that year. I’m glad I got out but it took a year to really detach and recover. When I cut off my ex friend, at first I felt really sad and depressed. It’s like a death, but you’re losing someone who never existed. So it’s a double death. Finally accepting that you deserve better quality friends who don’t emotionally abuse you or gossip about you or disbelieve you when you’ve been hurt is a big step. For every door that closes, another one opens. ❤

[@zacblake9249]

@@Patsanford220 I'm so sorry you had to go through that. No one should. But as you said, one door closes and another one opens.

[@michaelking3158]

This video is so on point. After 45 years I am finally seeing how I have allowed people to treat me. The reactive abuse is something I have always had to deal with. It's evil!!

[@BlackSheep380]

The reactive abuse is what they use against us to "prove" we are the bad ones. This is what Jesus Christ was referring to when He said if your enemy strikes you (pushes your buttons to get a reaction), then turn the other cheek (don't react the way they expect).

[@lizericsonn9367]

I’m autistic and my mother, brother and a couple of past exs would push me into meltdown over days or weeks of abusive shit and overloading me on purpose then use it to say “see look what we live with, so abusive”.

[@randommortal3383]

Not only do i trust myself, i trust in your ability to trust yourself. Stay blessed.

[@TheBlondiekitten]

It’s interesting because now I withhold information from the narcissist and I guard what I love and don’t tell her about it. So I become like them But it’s not for manipulation, it’s a self protection. I’d be really grateful if you could discuss how we need to protect ourselves using some of the narcissists tactics and it’s weird.

[@wulf67]

That’s not being like them. It’s just you enforcing healthy boundaries. It’s absolutely necessary when dealing with a narcissist such as a family member with whom you decide to reluctantly maintain “low contact” rather than the ideal option of “no contact” out of necessity to maintain other family relationships. You instinctively do this because you have learned that anything you say can and will be used against you to manipulate you emotionally and to turn family members and others against you. It’s the price you have to pay for standing up for yourself, and it’s 100% worth it.

[@The_eh_list]

Your videos always come at the perfect time. Although you as usual are hitting the nail on the head! I was just talking to a good friend about how everything I say or take a stance on he automatically argues the opposite side. And then proceeds to teach me. I feel like a little kid who should keep her options to herself. Every time I let my guard down and think we're just discussing a topic it turns into a very degrading "let me teach you why your wrong. And even if I can point out with evidence why what they are saying isn't right I won't because it will just make the"teaching " process last a lot longer and make him really angry. I just keep my options to myself now. Which is what I think he wanted the whole time. We think very different but the mirroring was so good at the beginning I didn't even know he thinks exactly opposite of what I do. And there is no give and take with him just take.

[@franco2b145]

That’s called the “one-up”

[@tonisodano5472]

I AM BREAKING FREE

[@A.J.Canfield-ym2fe]

I want and DESERVE a relationship that validates me and me to be the same way to my partner. My "partner" could not have been more of a monstrous life mistake for me. To make a long story short, my "wife" had an entire second life that she made sure I would never discover. I can honestly say that I never knew who she really was at all and I was "married" to this THING for 22 years! Knowing something about psychology had sustained me long enough to NOT have killed myself! All her gaslighting never really confused me because I had confronted her several times on her cheating. To make a very long story short, I hope that my unfortunate choice of a life partner serves as a helpful beacon in assisting others to avoid choosing the monster I did. I'm just happy it's over and that I'm now healing...

[@Laura-pj3xf]

I TRUST MYSELF!!!

[@heretolearn-m6v]

I trust myself to do what's in my own best interest. 😃❤🙏✌

[@singforu91]

Lifetime of abuse by my sister. The most sickening part is that she knows EXACTLY what she’s doing. Grrrrr

[@ADHJkvsNgsMBbTQe]

Even for those of us who don’t doubt ourselves, it takes longer than maybe it should to realize what we’ve been dealing with. Female N’s can be very sneaky, and they really seem to be good at triangulation.

[@Patsanford220]

I’ve had the pleasure of being abused by both male and female narcs. Both nearly destroyed my life. However, despite the fact that I wasn’t in an intimate relationship with the female narcs like I was with the worst male narc (a legit diagnosed one!), the relational aggression and passive aggressive mind games and triangulation from the female narcs has been far more damaging. At least with the guy, I escaped and reported him to the police and learned that he’d committed 3 felonies against me on the last day we were together. He’d done those things countless more times over the year we were together. The police investigation found probable cause and the case was sent to the DA for prosecution which is where it’s at now. Knowing he’s a predatory monster criminal makes it easier for me to hate him and not blame myself. Conversely, the sneaky manipulation from the covert female narcs and borderlines who I thought were my friends and support system, whom I trusted deeply and had known for nearly 20 years, was so much harder to come to terms with. Being an abuse survivor, i sensed things weren’t right and picked up on certain emotional abuse tactics being used against me and others in the group. But everyone else seemed oblivious and adopted a toxic positivity that masked the dysfunction. So I thought something was wrong with me for not being comfortable with what was happening. The way it ended with them was awful. They gaslit the shit out of me when I dared to speak my mind and punished me for having feelings when they did me dirty. Then they discarded and ghosted me. Suddenly I was totally stripped of the only support system I had. I was exiled, ostracized, no one would talk to me. I was so angry and confused and kept trying to get closure from them but of course I never did. It’s been just over a year and I am only now beginning to regain my sense of self. I found out recently that others did see what I saw and it upset them enough that they left the group themselves and are much happier now. I trust myself and more than that, I respect myself for having the courage and knowledge to see and call out abuse when I encounter it, unlike others who stay quiet and go along to get along and are brainwashed by groupthink. Be a voice, not an echo. ❤

[@defneozturk]

You are sharing in a very clear way some very important details that are seldom or inefficiently addressed by others in your field. However I think it’s important to understand it’s not just partners, all our relationships can be of this nature and maybe just maybe we end up with partners like this because we have family like this, or accept these kinds of bosses and coworkers because you accept this kind of behavior as being normal because that’s what you were taught. Maybe…

[@juliaannegrider5734]

Parents do this too. I have a Narcissist mother. And my husband will do these same personality traits.

[@bonitajolie9341]

Yup!

[@avanellehansen4525]

Sadly, we marry what is familiar.

[@CherrysJubileeJoyfully]

I trust myself I love myself I deserved the truth I am allowed to feel my truth 2 people can experience the same situation differently but no one can tell you what you feel is wrong I am worthy you are worthy. We don't decide our worth because that comes from the people who Value you. And we can never know who Values you.

[@emmy9159]

This lady is almost always spot on. I’m so glad there are these channels for ppl who don’t know where to turn, where to start their healing journey, don’t feel comfortable going to pro therapy, etc. …..I promise a lot of this is what a therapist would tell you anyway. Keep watching!

[@KJ-lb4tj]

And many therapists are not that sharp on narcissistic abuse so may not even see it

[@dbow2229]

I’m breaking free ~ almost 4 weeks no contact; text book behaviour and I definitely going through the grief process and still questioning my decision however I have text messages and voicemail messages saved to re-affirm my decision. Narcissist parent (I believe both my parents are narcissists now) and narcissist sister (she practiced coercive control on me since very early childhood). I have huge gaps of missing memories in my life 😔 Keeping the faith, thank you Christine 💪🙏

[@yolipurpleflower9895]

Thank you for this information. I grew uo under abuse by several narcissists in my family. A covert narcissist sister betrayed me many times - especially on the heels of me thinking that I was bonding positively with her. She always pulled the rug proverbial from under me. I cut out my associations with my narc siblings and am happier.

[@bonnieglenn663]

I am living this right now. And have started watching video after video. Not looking for validation. But, hoping beyond hope that this is not my reality, that this is not who my person actually is. But, it is. I have found that if there was an individual assigned to the definition of covert narcissist. It is my partner. And I'm devastated. I'm 42 and have been through a lot in my life. There's to much to even touch up on. But, I have never experienced anything as destroying as this. He has destroyed my reputation in order to further make himself look as a victim. I'm so emotional right now that I can't even describe it. He's just a couple rooms away now. I'm here nor able to sleep, not able to eat, trying to tiptoe around per usual for fear I interrupt his sleep at all. He sleeps about 14 hours a day and sleeps during the day (by choice, no job schedule to command this sleep schedule). I maybe get 3 hrs of sleep a night and yet I am continuously blamed for any tiredness he has. And he's always tired. Everything you describe. You could be writing my story and it makes me cry. I love him. I've known him for 16 years. I thought I knew him. I thought he was amazing. Everyone does. No one has anything negative to say about him. He's "perfect.". We started dating a year and a half ago. The first sign that something was very wrong and very different than it has been was my birthday. I truly thought this person would celebrate me more than anyone he seemed so enamored with me. It was the worst birthday I've ever had in my life. And I was so hurt and so confused. Every holiday has been terrible and I love the holidays so much. It breaks my heart it all breaks my heart. Thank you for this because I don't know what I'm going to do. I hate watching these because it's just so sad cuz it's exactly what is happening. And he twists everything everything. Everything turns around on me. My friend died tragically somehow he got mad at me for having emotions over it. I could say so many things. But thank you for this education and I hope I'm able to apply something to my life. But I'm sick. I have cancer. And as you can guess this is not the person I want in my corner. And it's the opposite of what I thought it would be. And I'm weak. It's a very very horrible thing I don't understand how there's no treatment for this at all. I get how they would be resistant I do get that that's for sure.

[@bonnieglenn663]

I am an artist it's always been secondary to regular jobs but now that I can't work due to my illness. My art is all I have. I've never monetized it. But I'm at a place in my life where I really need to. I really need to for him too because I owe him. And he's destroyed me. I have no confidence at all I really didn't have any before but I thought I was kind of okay in the beginning of this relationship I thought he was so supportive. And he's not at all. I'm frozen. I've designed websites many of them trying to put my art out there. Just for a pay what you want you know like I'm not trying to say it's good. And I can't do it I can't even do that I'm ashamed of it. I'm embarrassed of my own self and I don't want to ask anybody to think any of my stuff is good enough to pay for. And I don't know what to do. It's just so debilitating it's crushing and steals your joy. He's stolen my choice stolen my spirit. I don't like to dance anymore I'm embarrassed of it. I questioned my cooking skills. I question my housekeeping skills I question my parenting to the point that I didn't get my son for a month and a half because I didn't feel like I was a good mom. He takes anyone's side against me even if I'm just venting or something somehow he makes it my fault. And it's so it's so frustrating. Because I do know I'm a good person in my heart but right now that's like all I have it's like I know I'm a good person at my core but everything about me sucks and I don't know why anybody else would think I was a good person. All of his friends became my friends and none of them will speak to me about him because they're his friend first and they don't see this at all so they think I'm just crazy

[@MarkLupson-it6xu]

Get the hell out. Just run. You’re not dealing with a person. There’s no one there. Go now.

[@carole9409]

I have B. Cancer. I live alone and found the peace healing. Don't depend on a NARCISSIST for anything!. Cowards + Parasites. I wish you a speedy recovery. ❤

[@carole9409]

Please find a way to leave ASAP! Without him knowing if possible. Love doesn't hurt ❤

[@yoanapenova8401]

I feel your pain - I have cancer too and truly believe the toxic relationship I was in is the reason I got it. Please do not give up. Everything will be better after you get out of the relationship. Sending you all my support!

[@Gracechannel906]

They have make me to become so afraid of knowing anyone new.... 😢

[@user-o5bz6bd9bm]

Me too😢

[@avanellehansen4525]

Yes. They attatch to us so easily and difficult and painful to get free from

[@AngelCatUK]

Me too. I find it hard to trust anyone anymore. It's like I attract Narcs.

[@KJ-lb4tj]

Try the BRAVING acronym by Brene Brown for finding trustworthy people

[@john24gold1]

The more I listen the more it gets me .. I didn’t know all the subtle things . 😢 I only ever cared for this person .

[@squizitzithatsitalianforyu4782]

How are so many people like this! Sooooo relatable 😢 Literally just what needed to hear😮 Thank you for sharing your thoughts with all us fans who want better for our selves and listen to your videos with the volume up so much that it makes the narcissist angry and feel stupid then shame 😅😂❤

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

No one has ever quite said this in terms of love. It is very helpful to see where I was not loved and all the manipulations around that.

[@jolyn841]

I disagree. The WORST type of betrayal is when this is done to you in your childhood by your parent(s) or other primary caregiver(s), the people your life depends upon. YOU CAN'T LEAVE and healthy emotional development is impossible. I'm 57 and now doubting if I can ever heal. In and out of therapy for most of my adult life. Helps temporarily then back into debilitating depression.

[@judycollins9910]

I’m 53 and I have only just realised that my mum is a covert narcissist. I always thought it was me because everyone else in my family believe her lies

[@KJ-lb4tj]

Take it from a healed person, it is possible. When you no longer need any approval or contact with your parents and you understand your own person hood and ability to make your own decisions - you will have gone a long way to being healed.

[@meganrhodes1980]

I am worthy. I am worthy of love, honesty, open communication. All the things. We all are!

[@jeannecharlson9678]

I trust myself. I just no longer trust anybody else…

[@roxy7255]

Absolutely love the point about it being learnt. I dated a guy who prior had been in a 17 relationship with a narcissist woman. He definitely wasn’t narcissistic but used all these learnt abuse tactics: gaslighting, silent treatment, triangulation, no accountability, always trying to one up/unhealthy competition, make subtle comments to impact my self esteem. You could tell this was the norm in relationship for him it’s all he knew. Thankfully I got out fast. It’s not talked about enough though it’s not just narcissist who display this behaviour.

[@aletajessen2167]

Every thing in this video is spot on in my experience with a covert narc!!!!! Broke free !!! Snd feeling the freedom !!!!thank you!!!

[@meabeck]

Thanks. This is a painful, and necessary, reminder. They, deliberately, caused so much confusion and pain.

[@carolchandler4620]

OMG!!! Thank you so much. I felt like I gave him all of me every fiber of my being and he rejected me broke my heart and shattered my soul.

[@yoanapenova8401]

I feel the same way!

[@hermosotino]

I was love bombed when my ex gf left little love notes for me on post it paper on a daily basis. When I showered, she posted one on the bathroom mirror or when she prepared my lunch she left a note in the bag...now after 4 years, its like she turned into a demon! I thought it was something I did but she fits the characteristics you described!

[@dani323]

1:33 🛑 please "partner" can be parent, siblings, friend, employer. Let's NOT limit to 'partner' behavior, because this excludes all of us who grew up in this environment! Worse! We continue to stay in relationships with FAMILY and miss these #betrayal ! Thank you.

[@MoJo-eb4lt]

Perhaps the best in a nutshell explanations of what the narcissist does that I've seen. Thanks. Every point made in this video, I've suffered at the hands of a real narcissist who I would imagine has been doing these things for a couple of decades. I mean a REAL experienced narcissist. Just curious, where does their playback come from? Do they take a class somewhere in how to do these things? It's almost unbelievable. This video just made me feel like I'm healed and I mean that. It's like once a " victim" understands what's happened, it doesn't hurt anymore. Many thanks for this video.....

[@candicemcintosh4635]

This is exactly what happened to me. I allowed this man I fell in love with to do all this to me and it completely destroyed me. I’ve gotten back on my feet but I’ve never gotten over it. He left me shortly after we had a baby, said terrible things about me to everyone, and replaced me before I even knew what had happened. I found out when i saw them holding hands in public. We weren’t together for a few years. I got to a low point and then got myself together and back on my feet. But I never really healed from what happened. Now our daughter is 5 and he’s back in my life doing the same things to me. And I feel like I’m going to fall apart if I don’t end it now. I’m trying to figure out how. I was so lonely and it was so nice to have him back….at first. And now I’m dreading the loneliness again. I have no support from family and I have no friends. Now I’m online reading/listening to all this stuff about narcissists and it’s exactly what happened/is happening to me. I had no idea this was a thing that has happened to many others. It’s crazy how everything is spot on accurate. Thank you for this information.

[@lisap3628]

@candicemcintosh4635 I'm feeling the same way...dreading being apart from my husband. But I have to keep reminding myself that they never ever change. I know the whole deal is bizarre. I was with my husband for 12 years before we got married last year. We weren't married 2 months and he started hanging out with a friend of mine who he always had a stupid thing for. I spent our whole first year married alone most of the time. It's a long story but my friend had a lot to do with starting this just to hurt me and she really did hurt me. That's for sure. But the sad part is I spent the whole first year of my marriage alone and he was having a great time and happy as ever while I sat home and cried most of the time. That's when I saw firsthand how empathy is not even part of their soul. He would sit there and watch me cry and not even offer a shoulder or anything. He turned out to be a complete stranger that I had never met before. I regret marrying him now because maybe he wouldn't have changed if we stayed just dating. There's a lot more to this, but I just wanted you to know that I understand how it feels to hurt so much inside and not know what to do about it. You know you should leave, but it's the hardest thing that you'll ever have to do, right?

[@tomball9473]

Thanks for this, I spent a lot of time in therapy this year and learnt more in 3 videos than I did in all the therapy sessions. This explains so much in hindsight of my marriage breakdown and the subsequent divorce, not just because it similar but because I was blind to it. I,ve spent most 2024 recovering after having a MH Breakdown and serval self harm and suicide, lost all self esteeem and self worth in the process. I thought I was going insane turns out I was played by a DV Fem Narcissist, it's given new hope for the year ahead. First and last time I get 🐱whipped, set your boundaries and the let the Narcs WALK. #Okthomas _5minutesalone

[@matthewwozniak9138]

If you call me out for something I did in the past, I will confess and apologize for what I did, and most definitely not do it again. I know what is right and wrong. The unenlightened will not see the error of their ways and most definitely will not change anything about themselves, for they do not have the ability to self reflect and want to challenge and change themselves for the better. That little voice in your head and the pain in your gut is your conscience. Know thyself.

[@Patsanford220]

This is exactly what my therapist was trying to tell me for a long time when I was stuck in a toxic situation. “The culture of that organization will never change,” she said. “You need to decide if it’s healthy for you to continue to be part of it.” Ultimately they made it easy by doing me dirty and I walked away. I’m grateful for that freedom now.

[@denysebriggs1613]

I keep slipping into questioning whether he is a narcissist--until i listen to these videos!! Thank you for truth❤

[@ociana]

The paranoia that gaslighting creates is the worst part for me.

[@viccoluba]

It’s the same for me too! It’s gonna be hard for us to find a way to trust ourselves! I have always kept a journal! Every day I write about what happened that day and what time it was! It’s helped me a lot to be able to factcheck things he says happened or not! Of course with instant pictures that are dated and time stamped,has helped a lot! Most of all, I have proof that my memory is still intact and the paranoia is not real! Please don’t give up!🙏

[@juliasullivan7519]

Husband used the 'unstable' thing to the extreme...tried to get me hospitalized for mental instability when I moved out and filed for divorced.

[@meganobrien5463]

Thank You for being here for us.....boy we Need You! 💕💕💕💕💕🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤💕💕

[@TriciaNaz1964]

The fact that this abuse leaks to other relationships is horrifying but makes complete sense. I am in shock the more I learn about this. Thanks so much for your videos. I love to hear your explanations. :)

[@thomasduell1239]

When I started dating her I thought she was so beautiful. I couldn’t believe I got her. Then over time getting to know her and finding out how much of a narcissist she was, her beauty faded away. She became very unattractive to me.