A Defense of Victim Mentality | Rachel Heslin | TEDxEscondido

[@jessiesangster]

You can see that this lady is still hurting. She obviously really wants to help people and I hope that there's loving support around her

[@rachel.s.heslin]

This talk was actually a love letter to my late husband. Although his experience was different from the example I gave, the core idea that there is a _reason_ why some people cling to a victim mindset was something I learned from my relationship with him. I wish I had learned it earlier in our relationship so I could have supported him more. As it is, I gave this talk the day before the two year anniversary of his passing from a sudden heart attack. ❤

[@MyStrifeLife]

People need to believe that they matter and that they are worthy of respect and love. Then they can heal.

[@julianedleberg]

People need to get comfortable being in uncomfortable conversations. It's not one day a year that we should ask "Are you ok?"

[@GetInspiredTalks]

Excellent content beautifully delivered. I am certain that your important message will transform many hearts and minds.

[@nancygraskonski]

This is a really interesting perspective Rachel, thank you!

[@Jens.Recovery.Journey]

Well done, Rachel! I’ve never considered how the victim mentality was an alternative to feeling that you somehow participated or were deserving of the abuse. I am also a survivor, but my experience was to walk through life feeling broken, as you mentioned. You’ve given me something to think about, and I love you for advocating for others who have been through trauma. 🥰

[@rachel.s.heslin]

Oh, Jen. My heart goes out to you. You are not broken. You are human, and you carry a light that still shines from within. Sending love. ❤

[@jesslandis2209]

Beautifully said. I'm in tears. I'm very proud of you and grateful for you advocating for this cause ❤

[@rachel.s.heslin]

Thank you. I think it's so important to hone our awareness and compassion. We're all in this together. ❤

[@dr.timwalls]

This is why we need to shift the language from "victim" to "survivor"

[@caidendrew]

Okay I've never thought about what the alternate to the victim mentality would be when you're young and it's really sad to think there are people made to feel like they deserved to be abused or betrayed.

[@wyllowelizabeth9595]

Thank you - this is very insightful and will be helpful as I move forward.

[@rachel.s.heslin]

I am so very glad! It can be frustrating when things don't make sense, so having a slightly different way of looking at the situation can open up new possibilities.

[@DreadCityAngel]

I think everyone will believe and comfort someone the first time someone speaks of being a victim. It's when the victim is stuck in a loop and believes they can't do whatever because of what happened to them that most well meaning people are out of their depth and ill equiped to help.

[@rachel.s.heslin]

Exactly. We want to help, but it's hard if we don't understand what the actual, underlying problem is. What I've learned over the years is that sometimes all we can do is listen and care -- and that's is of great value, in and of itself. ❤

[@danahasler9018]

Regardless of who you are, be careful of the story you tell yourself, because that is the story you live.

[@rachel.s.heslin]

This is SO true.

[@MorganHyde-ie5ru]

I wish I didn't have the capacity to think any thoughts then.

[@danahasler9018]

@@rachel.s.heslin ❤

[@danahasler9018]

@@MorganHyde-ie5ru Was this a mistype, or do you truly wish you could forego contemplation entirely?

[@linasuchodolskyte]

It only takes one person to change someones life. If not you, who?

[@grantcayden]

Where's the rest of it? Is that really it?? I feel like it was just getting into it and then it was over!

[@rachel.s.heslin]

For this talk, yes. I actually found it challenging, because my natural tendency is to try to fit in *everything* (this scenario and that possibility but if you take into account this other thing etc etc etc....) I had to remind myself that this was a TEDx talk, not a dissertation. :D

[@lanceabbott1994]

I know people need to want to help themselves before anyone else can help them but I think letting someone sit in that way of thinking is pretty harmful too no?

[@rachel.s.heslin]

One of the hardest things I had to learn is that everyone is on their own journey. It breaks my heart to see someone who seems to be sabotaging themself, but I know I've done things to sabotage *myself* -- and I needed to learn the lesson on my own before I could move on.

[@magaliegoulet]

Sure but what about the people who choose to stay in that victim mentality and use all the bad things that have happened to them as a reason to never grow or evolve as a person?

[@rachel.s.heslin]

I can't speak for everyone, but I know there have been times in my life that I've made excuses/blamed circumstances because I sincerely thought I wasn't capable of doing what was asked of me. Are you familiar with Carol Dweck's work about Fixed vs Growth Mindset? I found it very interesting, and it helped me with some of my own challenges.

[@TheShadowComesAlive]

I get where she's coming from but there's a difference between being a victim and having a victim mentality

[@rachel.s.heslin]

How do you define the difference?

[@TheLincolnrailsplitt]

Good grief.