A Letter to my Friends: What Widows Want you to Know but Don’t Want to Tell You

Oftentimes in grief, Widows feel very misunderstood. That's pretty common. And in all of the widow communities that I'm involved in, I hear a lot of times people say, "oh, I just wish that people understood this, or I wish that my family or friends could know this, but I don't wanna have to tell 'em. I wish I could just say it, but I can't".
So what I've done over the past few months is really compile a list of things that widows want you to know as family and friends, but they don't want to have to tell you. I have eight things that I'm going to share with you. Things that oftentimes I wish that my family and friends knew or understood, but you just don't always find the right words in how to say it or to explain it.
Join me in episode 31 on the Brave Widow Show.
We talk about:
~ There’s nothing you can say to take away the pain.
~ How to say things that reassures your support for me.
~ It's okay to talk about my spouse.
Quotes:
~ "There's nothing that you can say to take away the pain. And this one's hard because as humans, we wanna fix, we wanna comfort, we wanna make it better. We wanna reassure that person, everything's gonna be okay. But there are no magic words that with a wave of the wand you can say to take away that pain".
~ "It's okay to talk about my spouse, and I know that it may be hard for you and it may make you sad, but sharing these memories, talking about my person, remembering some of the stories can be a healing thing for me as the widow, and I don't want a life where my person doesn't exist anymore or where I'm trying to pretend like they never existed" .
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The Brave Widow Community is a place where you can connect with other widows, find hope and healing, and begin to dream again for the future. Learn more at bravewidow.com.
Hey guys, I’m Emily Jones
I was widowed at age 37, one month shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary. Nathan and I have four beautiful children together. My world was turned completely upside down when I lost him. With faith, community, and wisdom from others, I’ve been able to find hope, joy, and dream again for the future. I want to help others do the same, too!
FOLLOW me on SOCIAL:
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[@maybethgaikens7143]

I just lost my husband 2 months ago... The feeling of becoming invisible to most of the people that I have loved for so many years, is an added grief... No phone calls, no texts, or offers of help of any kind... I had a celebration of life for him 3 weeks ago, and many people did show up... But now that all of the preparation that kept me busy is over with, and there are all these silent days of staggering loneliness, I am simply lost... Watching your video makes me wish I could say the things you suggest to someone who would care... But thank you for helping me understand that's some of what I am feeling is not really unusual as far as feeling detached from normal life anymore... I wish you and all who are viewing your video peace and healing❤

[@bravewidow]

Thank you. I read a statistic that widows lose 75% of their social circle in the first year. It’s heartbreaking. I do have a family and friends guide you can share with them. ❤️‍🩹

[@lindacharleville3708]

In most cases family and friends disappear. They dont want to see it, hear about it, talk about it or offer help. If they offer help and you reach out, they are suddenly busy or unavailable.

[@bravewidow]

Many widows do experience this. I work closely with my clients to help them rebuild their social circle with people who are there for them. ❤️‍🩹

[@ppw8716]

I agree. This resonated with me. The people who I thought was going to be around was no where. It hurt.

[@bravewidow]

@@ppw8716 Yes, it is really painful

[@GeoffOdom-nn4ez]

Having only been a widower for 3 1/2 months now, I can relate. People are there in the beginning, but slowly go back to their lives. I don’t blame them. I tend to regress from people since my wife’s death. I often just want to be left alone. She died at 48 and I am 52, so there are many years to go before I can join her. I have our kids and grandbabies plus I am still working so I get around people enough.

[@bravewidow]

I’m sorry for your loss. Many times they don’t know how to support us. Building up a strong social circle is helpful to keep connected and feel seen.

[@dawncordero7760]

Beautifully stated! It’s like you could read what is inside me and put it into the perfect words. I wish more people that come in contact with us would look to stuff like this to videos like this to help them and interacting with us widows.

[@bravewidow]

Thank you! Yes, I wished that for a long time, too. Now I'm blessed to be able to help coach widows on how to educate their friends and family (and determine where it is worth the effort. 😅)

[@rayselby3487]

Sue here: so perfectly articulated!!! Every word so true. ❤

[@bravewidow]

Thank you, Sue! It’s hard when it feels like our support people don’t get it.

[@LupeBerube]

Thank you 🙏🏼 I have been a widow for two years now. I feel the same way I take two steps forward and then I go backwards 😢 my faith keeps me going forward picks me up all over again🙏🏼

[@bravewidow]

Faith is such a key component in healing. It gave me hope when I didn’t feel I had any.

[@MargoMartin1]

This is the most valuable video on helping someone you care about go through grief. I sent this video to myself for future reference so PLEASE PLEASE NEVER take this down. PRICELESS CONTENT right here! My heart hurts for you Dear One and I'll continue to pray for peace and growth while you learn a new normal. Thank you for making this! ❤❤❤❤❤

[@bravewidow]

Thank you for your feedback! I’m blessed to be at a place where I love my life again and hope this continues to help others. ❤️‍🩹❤️

[@AA-hr6nj]

This podcast means so much to me as a friend of a widow. Thank you.

[@bravewidow]

Awesome! That's my goal. Thank you for the feedback and for being such a good friend that you want to learn.

[@kathypolomcak7760]

So true ❤

[@lulycordoba6483]

I wish I would listened to this sooner. Thank you for making this video.

[@bravewidow]

Thanks for listening; you’re so welcome! ❤️‍🩹

[@klwheeler1590]

Love you for this 💜💜

[@bravewidow]

Thank you! ❤️‍🩹

[@Erebusdidnothingwrongish]

I think you are an extraordinary wonderful beautiful unboxable person. You are amazing and I will always think so. You give to those in need without them knowing. You are helping people for free because of course you are. I have told women about you and they get jealous quickly. I explain what you are like and basic humans don't understand how great you are. This costs me nothing and I don't need a reply. I want you to know you are the high tide mark of humans. I try to be like you. I know you are stong and don’t put up with any rubbish. You also strive to live like Jesus daily. Whatever you are feeling I think that helping others makes you feel good. I am starting to upload me reading books. I'm not sure where I got the idea ;)? It's going to be me reading a book without practice. I don't think you would understand but I go off on random tangents. I I'm reading The Spanish Inquisition. Jesus said love thy neighbour. The book is set way in the past and it's fairly dry. It is funny because I find it funny and hopefully other people will as well. I am doing the High School law book. That book “The Name of the Wind” trilogy. He has taken so long to write it that his average for the 2 books he released works out at 4 words a day. So I am going to have some fun. Perhaps you might think about having me on one of your podcasts. Get the view from the other side. Nathan was a good husband and a good father. His parents are exquisite. I hope that you make time for a little fun every day? exquisite. I Watch your videos often but I don't often say anything. Stay feisty and just be you that is enough for any decent human x