A Narcissist's "Stupid And Proud Of It" Syndrome

As you spend time with a narcissists, it becomes clear: "This person is not using good logic at all." Yet, as Dr. Les Carter points out, when you call them out, they double down on their poor reasoning. Unable to admit their dysfunction, they operate with all sorts of genuinely stupid notions.
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[@thegodblogger3812]

Almost any conversation with a narc is a waste of time, unless you're into fawning over a narc and telling him how wonderful he is

[@deborahbulthe]

And even then they find fault. Lost effort.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Even then they are not satisfied and will ignore or belittle you

[@barbibutton9619]

It's the ONLY thing that makes them happy

[@louisafoster1640]

I've never been able to be an insincere groveling type. - Prob. why narcs end up hating me! LOL

[@dumbass3770]

Them is a better description because they're both men and women.

[@scotttully8572]

It's funny, I'm well-educated, well-read and well-travelled, and can talk with just about anyone... except with narcissists. With them I feel stupid, as though there's nothing interesting I can possibly say. They shut down all intelligent and emotional interaction.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I totally get what you're saying. They can be overwhelming, meaning they don't encourage contemplative dialogue. Dr. C

[@annemaster5254]

I think it’s partly that and partly that they cannot relate bc they dont experience things from love or warmth and they can’t learn from others experiences...bc they can’t feel, so to them u prob sound like Charlie Browns teacher. U cannot have a heart to heart, they don’t self reflect, and u have no value. It’s small talk, weather, what they have been up to, and gossip about what others are up to...no depth...and...besides that, they know it all! Xo

[@cassiebennet4262]

Others acclomplishments and knowledge are a threat to them.

[@dreamcollector6811]

That's how I felt with a former classmate. We only texted, but our conversations weren't intellectually stimulating. It was like he couldn't think on a deep level.

[@AZDC99]

It's incredible how if you or I hang out with the long enough, you will actually lose all confidence and wonder if you're stupid? (Now I know what they mean by the Mantra, "I lose brain cells talking to this person.") Everyday you hang with these DEMONS-- you lose brain cells whether it be family, friends, or lovers allow themselves to virtually or literally be infected by these soul snatchers. You WILL LOSE YOUR TRUE SELF... if you keep hanging out with WANNABE SOUL MINING types. Under the guise of acting humble enough at too infrequently behaved times.. just so they can STAB YOU IN THE BACK that one split-second when you're NOT looking for the knife from behind..(ALL.NARCS are cowards like that eventually)

[@yambapiano9473]

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great” - Mark Twain

[@divaslm1]

Great words of wisdom

[@carolnahigian9518]

Wow; wish I had a Mentor.

[@wendychavez5348]

He was a wise man!

[@elizabethbowie9753]

My "dad," who raised me. UGH !!!

[@taraarrington2285]

❤

[@joeybabybaby5843]

The father of a childhood friend used to say these words to live by: You can't embarrass a fool.

[@cassiebrown9786]

Can’t embarrass a fool. Ha! Ha! Another good remark I heard years ago... “It’s best to let people think you’re stupid than to open you’re mouth and prove them right”.

[@secondhandiions6281]

They have no SHAME.

[@addapavan5200]

Ha ha ha. Hmm.

[@psychoholiday-ju1cp]

Yet ironically they're the ones going around trying to slander innocent people as the so-called "fool." (Anyone who believes their semi-fictious one side of the story was NEVER on my side anyway... It's really no loss to me at the end of the day. Their smear campaigns are actually favors to me... Once a see other people playing tag along/doing. the COWARDLT pile-one at me for A so-called sin.. at least I get to see or confirm who my secret enemies were all along.. and they are no longer welcome in my life)

[@lesliel.6260]

I like this saying and it fits these clowns perfectly!

[@wifferstess2824]

The arrogance with these people is through the roof. To them, everyone else is stupid. Can so relate with my ex.

[@treelover1050]

YES. THEY SHOULD LOOK IN THE MIRROR. THEY ARE STUPID.

[@yime6631]

@@treelover1050 Too bad we can't prosecute this stuff and then have it required to have STUPID tattooed on their foreheads for the rest of their lives! With or without a jail sentence!

[@meow2u22]

A stupe thinks everybody else is a stupe.

[@lesliel.6260]

Oh the arrogance is laughable, and what they call you is projection, it's actually how they really feel about themselves, you know their insecurities based on the names they call you!

[@speedskater5613]

Mine told me one time that he was a “superior being”. He was serious… I finally filed for divorce

[@rachelcarmina3958]

I like the term "Ignorant and proud of it". I've had to deal with far too many people like this. The less they know about something, the more they pretend they know what they are saying. The 'stupid and proud of it" has become the real pandemic in our world.

[@rachelcarmina3958]

@@lifewithapurpose237 I graduated with a science degree 40 years ago. In the last 5-10 years, I have had so many people who have no idea of what science is or how it works talk to me about science. They tell me crazy science conspiracies and insist that it's a fact. Most of the time I end up talking about the science they should of learned in Middle or High school. Because they heard some science bs from a right wing channel, they insist they are sudden experts.

[@steveswan5714]

@@rachelcarmina3958 it's dumbing down society now days 🥴 working in many electronic, electrical and mechanical disciplines for over 40 years myself im shocked (no pun intended) by the lack of common sense with a lot of people i have worked with 🤔 in my last roll i prevented a colleague from certain death by stopping them from doing something extremely dangerous 🤯 but that person quickly went up the ranks of management 😖 i have since left that job, i only hope someone else looks after them 😥🙏🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[@usernameluis305]

@@rachelcarmina3958 hey hey now lets not act like its the right wing channels giving the false information about the current times

[@rachelcarmina3958]

@@usernameluis305 Oh, I understand most/all media puts their spin on what is going on in the world. However, Fox and other right wing sources have been flat out lying about science for 20+ years.They've worked hard at manufacturing ignorance in the American public (esp. with science). Of course maybe all my science professors lied to me and thousands of other students. Then all the experiments I did as a student were also faked, and so on. Only plausible answer RW media is the least interested in the facts.

[@shelley7975]

@@rachelcarmina3958 They all lie. There isn't a network on the t.v. that tells the whole truth. Six corporations own the networks that you get the news from and the information they want you to have. It doesn't matter if the sway left or right, they all play on the same team and it isn't in your best interest. Oh, and one more thing, most science is based on theory. Example: gravity. Believe what you will, but don't put down people that don't buy into what is on tv.

[@hopeinhumanity.]

They get offended and tell you that you don’t know how they feel. It’s pointless to present facts because they think what they feel is the ultimate truth despite indisputable facts.

[@Robidu1973]

The point is, everyone feels a particular way about facts, however, when emotions are used to invalidate the facts, something is terribly wrong. Their problem is that they cannot handle coming to terms with their emotions, because that would inevitably destroy their fragile egos. Enter all the blameshifting and gaslighting.

[@lindsay6518]

@@Robidu1973 This right here!!!

[@kendraglowy7554]

@@Robidu1973 Spot on!

[@tea-chip-cookies]

Their stupidness drains your energy!

[@user-zp4lf3lv6x]

LIFE SUCKS

[@newaddress456]

They are ignorant but cunning! Get away from them.

[@catherinewilson1079]

That is the tricky part! Stupid in some ways but also cunningly manipulant!

[@pjpj3416]

👏👏👏👍

[@user-zp4lf3lv6x]

FEW FRYS SHORT OF A HAPPY MEAL😢

[@shelley7975]

Another classic is that after you do something they didn't do, they tell you they would have done it the same way. lol... They are the great pretenders.

[@shelley7975]

@Roberto Biagio Randazzo They love to take credit for things they don't do.

[@new_and_improved1749]

My experience has been that if you do what they supposed to have done, they pay close attention and then start critisizing everything in their mind you've done wrong. Reality check: If they're so superior, then why did they refuse to do what they were supposed to do and wait until someone else does it? 1. They are super lazy. 2. They know that they're utmost incompetent, and to hide that incompetence and evade their responsibililty, they burden others with their responsibilities and then gaslight these people by making it seem as if they are incompetent.

[@micheleshively8557]

Oh not in my circumstance. He had to correct everything I did in some way. I could never do anything right, his Dad treated him like this too....uggg

[@tonymiller3788]

Or, they have never demonstrated any capability to do anything practical, but as soon as you do something, they tell you how they would have done it better.

[@misspeach3755]

No, worse, they tell you how they would've done it better!

[@debbiedoughty5079]

I know exactly the narcissist you're describing. I WAS married to a person like this. He wasn't the brightest bulb in the box but thought he was brighter than them all. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

[@lifewithapurpose237]

debbie: makes me *Consider* the cup half full/half empty, if someone is just operating (lets say) @ 20% capacity, then that is *ALL* they have to give/share, to *work* with, if you will. One has to be willing to always keep on learning, filling our *toolbox* 🧰 . If we 🛑 learning we 🛑 growing. Something that does not bear 🍍🍓🍊 is ✂️ down and cast into the 🔥

[@katiewray1712]

I have never met a narcissist with any intelligence... and I'm wondering if some elements of being smart also comes along with being able to self-reflect... and being humble enough to improve one's self.. Narcs are not able to do this so, hence, they're dense lol!

[@Hugh.702]

Exactly. The narc I had the misfortune to come across was the thickest dumb-ass you could ever meet. No common sense whatsoever. However in his fantasy filled head he thought he was some sort of genius and looked down on everyone. What goes on in their crazy heads, God knows. Avoid at all costs.

[@monstermcboo7282]

The EQ (emotional quotient) definitely enhances the IQ.

[@audioupgrades]

My personal experience is that as far as egotists go, the stupid ones are narcissists and the smart ones are psychopaths.

[@monstermcboo7282]

That may well be, but most psychopaths are actually pretty average and some even below. It’s weird how movies and books almost always portray them as geniuses. I’ve only known one who I later learned for sure is a sociopath (he committed a crime for which he was finally nailed; was DX’d as a sociopath), and one I’m pretty sure was a psychopath (his mother was my coworker and a narc, his father a criminal of great renown in their home state; the boy was raised a malignant narc and was dead of an OD before age 21). A very deaf friend got out of a very abusive relationship with a (recently) diagnosed psychopath a year ago and that guy is begging for a bullet. I wish he’d darken MY door. 😡

[@monstermcboo7282]

The sociopath and psychopaths I’ve known are not very bright, as it turns out.

[@lindavistalinda7278]

"Astonishingly low self-awareness." I'm living with this hellish nightmare and all its components right now. Thank you for laying this out. I feel like I can breathe just hearing this terrific message.

[@christinaanderson3316]

LindaVistaLinda I'm living a hellish nightmare like you, luckily after 23 years with my narc I have the backbone to work on my escape plan - sure, it all has to happen in the background - they are so cunning and just notice the slightest change in our moods. For me it's "pretend play" now as there's too much at stake. I was told by him 2 years ago, after me suggesting we should go our separate ways, it'll be for the better..."You won't get the kids, not with your history of mental health" (he's responsible for 3 nervous breakdowns of mine). The only reason why HE stays...financial gain as he was poor when we met and I was the one with money. Blind in love that I was, I didn't want a prenup - now I wish I did! Don't lose hope out there, money is replaceable, your sanity and freedom aren't! Wishing you strength and inner light to get through this, I know we all can. Do it for your children and yourself - they chose to not walk by our side, but left us behind. We deserve all the happiness in the world! 💞

[@dilciaenid57]

I understand everything you shared 😔

[@jackiehaydl6209]

Living the "hellish nightmare" is not always escapable, even when we know we could do better. Yes, it's wonderful to hear Dr. Carter laying it all out and calling it what it is. His other messages of advice for how to deal with such a person when escape isn't possible is making this absurd nightmare more bearable for me.

[@shiamaxwell3482]

They pretend to respect those of authority bc they mirror the ones they depend on a paycheck.

[@juliealexander4904]

Yes! Like a breathe of fresh air 😌

[@darcyguill7933]

The narcissist that abused me thought he was obligated to correct his friends when they are wrong. He also claimed to be a realist. He claimed to listen to others, but never listened to me. He claimed he was able to admit he was wrong but never did.

[@RippleDrop.]

They are delusional and beyond one's help. They claim victim hood to trigger savior mode on you. "You come here and regulate my emotions."

[@krejados1]

That's 'cause, in his mind, he's never wrong!

[@darcyguill7933]

@@krejados1 That's for absolutely sure!

[@sharidellar9471]

Sounds like quite the annoying character...

[@susanmunoz7688]

I like this! Steady not stupid, it’s a lot easier not to be drawn into a narcissist game when you realize they are stupid and proud of it! Thank You Dr Carter 👍

[@cherylbagshaw5151]

I've never been so exhausted in my life trying to enlighten and rationalize with the covert narcissist I'm married to. I'm trying hard to quit.

[@nv_chino]

You’re gonna dry yourself out like that, it’s better to ignore these fools. Stop wasting time and breath on idiots with low now and low awareness. Not gonna tell you what to do but if it’s really getting to that point, get out, there’s a difference between a normal person and a narcissist/psychopath and where you can deal with someone who doesn’t have a distorted view of the world and way of thinking and rationalizing even when they’re in the wrong and doing fucked up things. Healthy relationships are better than a narcissistic and psychopathic one. You’ll barely have any issues and if any should arise, it’ll be quickly settled because a normal person Chas empathy and has a normal way of viewing the world and how things should be and what’s right and what’s wrong whereas a narcisssts only care about own damn selves. I’ve been reminded because I kept seeing this word everywhere, these people can be very altruistic.

[@LastRebel1978]

Mine is covert also. I’ve let her suck the life out of me. Vampires

[@carefulcarpenter]

This is why communication and spiritual growth is vital.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

c.c: the more we learn the more we *grow* . Not growing or bearing *good* fruit causes one to be cut down and tossed in the 🔥

[@justonemori]

religion feeds their sense of grandiosity and is another mechanism for control

[@carefulcarpenter]

@Krishna Patel It is wonderful that you understand these things. Your future will depend on your focus, and working on growth that keeps you moving away from addictive habits. I don't drink, drugs, no low nutritional fast food, etc. I do drink coffee in moderation. 😁

[@erwater18]

@@justonemori yes!!

[@Ms.JingleBerries]

@@justonemori Funny you should say that, because I am a Narcissist, yet I freakin' DESPISE religion xD

[@jmfs3497]

As I began Gray Rocking my narc boss, I also began speaking with HR for help with survival and exit strategies. The best thing they said was "Don't forget to be mindful of what Gray Rocking is feeling like internally to you"... and it clicked that I have some work to do on letting go of the stupidity. I still want to fix it, because it is so stupidly unjust, and that is exactly the waste of time that gives away my inner power. So if you are dealing with a narcissist, stop trying to convince them you are done with them, and just start living internally with being done with them... they don't need to approve the end of the relationship.

[@k.prince6799]

JMFS This is profound, and it makes all of the difference in the world. No need for an announcement...I will show you, better than I can tell you.

[@priscilla.colburn444]

HI....I learned a long time ago to IGNORE people who causes you GRIEF. The NARC cannot SURVIVE without ATTENTION. NARCS CRAVE ATTENTION and will do ANYTHING to get it. They are not TEACHABLE because that is their GAME OF MANULIPATION. THEY have spent hours studying you so they KNOW HOW TO NAVIGATE their PREY. They CREATE the PROBLEM so that THEY can now SOLVE it and be a HERO. ......PURE TRICKERY.....

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

Wise. Wise. Wise.

[@jmfs3497]

@@priscilla.colburn444 I get it. One of my challenges is letting go of this job of 20 years, due to a narcissistic co-worker getting promoted 5 years ago. I knew he was odd about boundaries, and then he became controlling, devaluing, gaslighting, all the signs... but I didn't know what narcissism was until this summer. I wish I wasn't so afraid to just walk away, but I also know it would be the healthiest thing I could do in the long run. The boss of our entire office was fired last week after 9 years of working together, and she kind of kept the narcissist in line. Now some non-office VP is "in charge", but the narc has wasted no time playing games again. Ignoring your own manager is very difficult, lol. I try, and he even does the flying monkey thing with co-workers who haven't had such a close relationship with him. He presents as nice as hell, but man is he needy and toxicly entitled. Working on my resume/CV/portfolio now. I have never been one to quit a job without having another lined up, but this might be the time.

[@priscilla.colburn444]

@@jmfs3497 HI.. I didn't know what narcissism was either until it happened to me recently. It had happened before but I didn't have the internet to educate me. I am still losing income during my retirement what my bosses did to me way back in my early medical career. I stuck it out because I wasn't AWARE of WHAT NARCS were doing back in the seventies. To SUM it up EVIL was doing ITS JOB and continues to this day. This WORLD is CONTROLLED by Satan. Satan even tempted JESUS when HE WALKED the EARTH in HIS short LIFE. JESUS REPLIES were GET BEHIND ME Satan or IT IS WRITTEN. NOW Satan KNOWS SCRIPTURE very well and he USES IT TO DECEIVE even the VERY ELECT. THE BATTLE is SPIRITUAL and IT IS BETWEEN GOD and Satan. Since I have GIVEN MY LIFE to JESUS then Satan HAS TO DEAL with my CREATOR. My FAITH has BROUGHT me to BE 82 years old with a GOOD MIND and THE UNDERSTANDING HOW Satan WORKS. What a BLESSING!!!!! My LIFESTYLE is SIMPLE and NOT WANTING for ANYTHING even though IT is BAREBONES. THERE is LIMITED TIME LEFT for PEOPLE to WAKE UP and REPENT. MY PRAYERS for YOU is for the HOLY SPIRT to SHOWER you with HIS BLESSINGS and COURAGE to MAKE the RIGHT DECISIONS on your FUTURE.🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏WHEN you HAVE JESUS THEN YOU HAVE THE CONFIDENCE because You SURRENDER ALL to HIM.💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[@user-wz4bz2fn6s]

In my personal experience, Narcissist do not want a relationship, but do want a robot-- slave .

[@misspeach3755]

Yes, that's both true for personal and work-related environments. They need people to exploit and cater to them.

[@isayjeromeinthehouse3218]

Well explained. I wish I could send this to every narc I’ve ever encountered, however they’re too stupid to comprehend it bc of their lack of self awareness. Beyond frustrating. They make you feel like you’re living in the Twilight Zone.

[@annam4660]

For sure, horror movies or something

[@nv_chino]

Educating them right now but they’re stupid 😅

[@nv_chino]

@@annam4660 scary movie, the funny one

[@thinktwice8860]

I call it willfully ignorant. It usually happens when facts poke holes in the narrative to which narcissists or cult members have attached themselves.

[@ashleywallace5755]

Yes

[@nv_chino]

It’s stupid they believe the lies they builded up

[@happygoluckyh.t.d.4life.739]

"You can't fix stupid" Oh my god!! this is the funniest yet best put word combination ever!! says everything that needs to be said with a smile. My new mantra for sure. Thank you so much for the smile.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

👍, like someone put it , just say " i can explain this to you but i can not *understand it* for you " then run like hell.

[@CJ-hz1uj]

Long a common phrase in Texas, nowadays often applicable to a certain mentality that seems prevalent out farther west and with some wannabe West Coasters from places like Michigan or Ohio, and even sometimes from Texas. Incidentally, we share a number of channel subscriptions, including Stanford.

[@CJ-hz1uj]

lifewithapurpose, thank you, that might be useful. Guess they’d like us to understand it for them too. Run like hell may be good idea.

[@js6546]

It is refreshing to hear Dr C describe the narcissist's notions about how to do life as 'genuinely stupid'. For more than 25 years he told me how clever he was in all aspects of life. I think the worst logic of all is when they discard those who love them.

[@faithm9284]

Love? They are clueless!

[@chriswallo78]

The ones shouting most about how clever they are are usually the ones most lacking.

[@francesbernard2445]

Yes. How many people they discard altogether in their lifetime only depends on their value system. Not all narcissists go from bed to bed at a fast pace while trying to impress others. Some of them instead believe they own their partner and their discard phase ends up looking more like them trying to start up a new commune based on polygamy through divorce after forcing their marriage partner out onto the street for not remaining a nice enough always and good looking enough receptacle for them regardless of how much emotional abuse and violence they can dish out to both their marriage partner and to everyone else whom they perceive as being only common nuisances. Like often their own children too.

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

Narcs only discard out of panic, not logic ime. They're deluded about being able to control absolutely everyone, so only those who can't be manipulated get the permanent heave-ho. They do punish people by ostracizing them, but always expect them to come crawling back. It's all about supply: No victim, no supply, so unless a narc has flying monkeys and/or other targets, a narc won't ever walk away.

[@chelleb3055]

This video embodies the narcs I know 100%. It's as if they are all using the same playbook and it's, well, stupid. 😆

[@jonathanblaylock]

I would expect after recovering from a narcissist relationship we can look back on it and just laugh at the insanity of it!!

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Finally I can now do this. It took seven years though

[@beverlytate2669]

Quite ridiculous. Not quite hilarious. I'm able to shake my head at how many were in on it and how hard they tried to destroy me. I'm able to see them as miserable stupid people. I'm able to see that I'm winning. I'm able to see my freedom as a gift from The Most High. I have forgiven because of it. Because I'm free ! ! ! I want them to be free, too. So I bounced. See, this is how you be free. You just be free. I can laugh at that.

[@sharidellar9471]

I wish I could. (Laugh at the insanity of it) maybe someday.

[@mrb4761]

Not when it's a parent you have to caregive for

[@pisces_chick2511]

Can't wait for that day to happen. Still in the "trying to forgive myself for being naive, living in denial & the love and loyalty I showed him for too many years" phase. I only laugh at how the house of cards he built with the new supply started crumbling shortly after their union became public knowledge. They deserve every. single. thing. that both of them inflict onto each other. ☯️

[@brittaolson6550]

“Refusal to know what is obvious,” how astute! This is very timely, in my life right now. In fact, I felt like I might not make it through another day without it.

[@Jackie-dm1ye]

I call those moments being in the Twilight Zone.

[@glenholmgren1218]

My heart goes out to you - my narc mother almost destroyed my life and my first wife almost finished the job. Relentlessly Obtuse is how I see it

[@rebeccacondit2448]

Yea

[@rebeccacondit2448]

Yea p

[@secondhandiions6281]

We must prevail, lest no world will exist as they will prey upon each other until all is lost. We must find a way we can be proud of to handle it.

[@lovecat4everxxx401]

We think they change but they strike back with stupidity every time, they are boring and so anoying. Bless you 💜✌

[@ep4341]

Yes, I too was duped years ago into my present relationship. I honestly thought I was going crazy, trying to deal with this person’s unexpected rages, spewing out hateful insults, etc.

[@HowDidIGet3700Subs]

Maybe just stop hurting them & they won’t react to you that way? Ever thought of that?

[@faithm9284]

They are not plugged into love as healthy people know it. It's all a game to them. Their self serving needs are to help them avoid the emptiness they feel from the insecurities they can't escape. This makes them very dangerous because they have no conscience. So 'catch and release' works for them, others just need to be aware they are on an acquaintance level and no more! Narcissistic people hunt for compassionate people, codependent, and needy people for their prey. Know your own value! Discover the healthy boundaries you were never allowed to develop as a child. Just because an interaction feels 'comfortable' may only mean it feels familiar, and you may have found yourself jumping into the relationship dynamics of your childhood. Don't go there precious one! Don't try to figure them out! Again I say, know your value! You are priceless, don't sell your soul, or give yourself and your power away to the someone just because they shows you attention. Runnnnn! Keep your panties on, oxytocin is as strong as heroin for women, men know it and will use this chemical attachment against them, then abandon them. Then they continue to pull their prey back in to feed their false ego, but it's a game and not a true effort for a healthy relationship. Know every word they speak is a manipulative lie. One narcissist I knew even contradict themselves immediately if they didn't get the response they wanted to get their way. Trying another ploy of manipulation! Know this, You are Truly the Prize! Don't give yourself away! God made you a precious jewel, don't give pieces of yourself away, or you will end up 'empty'! You are deeply loved by the God who created you. Know your value! Healthy boundaries are a life safer! They give you a peace, a safe place to live within yourself. If that makes sense you are already getting there, if it doesn't you need to find you healthy boundaries. Pray that God will give you healthy boundaries, let Him do the tough work. 💌

[@aliceroberts1980]

❤️

[@francesbernard2445]

Your description of how the hormone oxytocin acts on a woman's body is true. A social worker once told me that all battered women right after leaving the man who battered them feel like an addict in early recovery. Healthy men to a lesser degree only because they do a different parenting role have Oxytocin in their bodies too which affects them in a similar way. There is good reason why premarital sex is frowned on. It is for all of our own sakes in a world with narcissists. In the golden age of Hollywood kisses were only allowed to be 3 seconds in length on screen.

[@catherinewilson1079]

Geez! Where were you when I was knee deep in a narcissistic mess 10 years ago? You are SO right! BOUNDARIES; learn all about them!

[@sharidellar9471]

Way to go Faith! You sound like you have it going on! It was a pleasure reading your post. More women need to see it.

[@sharidellar9471]

And Frances. That was interesting about how old Hollywood only allowed 3 second kisses in shows. Fascinating.

[@calicomcgee]

From the movie 'Forest Gump' "Stupid is as stupid does" 🙄

[@huruduru5144]

"You've been telling me you're a genius since you were seventeen In all the time I've known you I still don't know what you mean"....Steely Dan

[@steveswan5714]

👍🤣

[@marilynwarbis7224]

My narcissist considered himself to be a leader and complained that no-one followed his genius leadership.

[@monstermcboo7282]

LOL. That’s how they are.

[@nv_chino]

What a genius

[@TheBillypride]

Your best video yet. Thank you. It's taken me 24 years to realize you can't fix stupid.

[@catherinewilson1079]

Ha! It took me 23 years. Then in reading my Bible, I discovered that lesson was right there in Proverbs!

[@Lola-mt1ne]

right. the problem is that most people were brought up to keep giving people chances, and it is not nice to call someone stupid, even though they are stupid.

[@annemurphy8074]

We're not taught how to deal with toxic people. You can't do the same things with toxic people that you can with people who aren't like that. You don't keep trying to appeal to a sense of reason, logic, compassion, empathy, self awareness, boundaries, fairness because they don't operate from these values. No contact as much as possible.

[@Ms.JingleBerries]

Yuppers! That is very true, you just gotta have the right personality. I, on the other hand, personally, have absolutely no problem with letting a stupid person know that they are in fact stupid, TO THEIR FACE. I also happen to be a subclinical Narc, and I would waste not a moment to LAUGH IN SOMEONE'S FACE if they ever even made the mere SUGGESTION that I wasn't intelligent. HAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@nv_chino]

@@annemurphy8074 so real

[@nv_chino]

I like making stupid people know what they are

[@elanahammer1076]

I am so sick of these rude and entitled people. Where I live in Southern Oregon is crime ridden, just disturbing behaviors daily. I am going to have to quit studying this narcissism because once you see it, it really is not something that you can unsee. Unless I am at work I really feel zero need for interaction with others.🤔❤🇺🇸

[@collectivemindsunique7945]

You’ve left the Matrix lol

[@baronhelius4596]

What gets me is how narcissists think they know you better than yourself. They not only know what and how you think, but what you are physically feeling in your own body and why you are feeling it. And you should listen to them over what your doctor tells you.

[@candy2325]

I have a narcissist sibling and they think super highly of themselves and “talk out loud” of the things she wants to do but doesn’t do them lol. I think she believes that talking out loud will make her think she actually did something..it’s weird! Narcissistic people always love to announce their next move to people.

[@sahdogwrangler5594]

Interesting! My narc husband drives me nuts when he does an out loud narrative of what he's doing & will do next. It's maddening but I can't say anything or he'll be mortally offended & turn on me. It's just mundane stuff too, like now I'm going to make a sandwich, now I'm going to rinse the lettuce, get a knife, get the bread out etc etc or he will pretend he's talking to the dogs. I think either he just loves the sound of his own voice or he knows what makes me crazy nuts. I can never tell him what annoys me, he'll do it more! He's 61, btw.

[@janetstonerook4552]

Yes! My narc relative who lived in my home for several months for free would "volunteer " to do things for me like repairs around the house. He'd tell me what he was going to do and when ...but then he'd never do it or mention it again! If I questioned him about his broken promises, he'd get defensive and said I was emotionally abusive. It was like his volunteering to help me and then letting me down was some kind of a thrill for him.

[@faa1412]

@@sahdogwrangler5594 " like now I'm going to make a sandwich, now I'm going to rinse the lettuce, get a knife, get the bread out etc." wow! I'm sorry but I had to laugh at this. Your husband would blow up on me all the time because I would laugh. Like here I am thinking you're about to say his goals and he's talking about making a sandwich out loud piece by piece, lmaoooo wtf??

[@sahdogwrangler5594]

@@faa1412 that is just 1 of the many, many things he does. I couldn't possibly blow up at everything or it would be a full time job.

[@narcicide8814]

I'm experiencing this now with someone like this who must be a narcissist because she is so self absorbed as well. She occasionally announces to everyone that she is going to pursue this and that but never actually does it, even told people once that she now has a boyfriend but never speaks of her relationship with him since. I suspect that she made up everything to get attention or that she is so delusional that hearing herself saying it somehow makes it feel as if it has happened or is happening I.e: "magical thinking". They are such a waste of everyone's time and sanity.

[@starseeds8121]

Keep practicing self care. I like living as a person of peace.

[@globalheartwarming]

That was hilarious! And _then:_ "YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID." _Thank_ you! ❤️

[@tahiyamarome]

I love that you've pointed this out. I used to call it igno-arrogance. Then I learned about the Dunning-Kruger effect where the less competent people are, the more competence they credit themselves with. If we KNOW then we are only operating from what we've already been exposed to, already thought, or already learned. If we always operate from "I know" then we literally can't learn anything new. It would be like refusing to eat any food that you haven't eaten before. If you start from that attitude you'll never eat anything but baby food.

[@annemaster5254]

It’s exactly like trying to tell ppl what the dangers of vAax are, the ingredients, what they do to the body internally, without even listening they say it isn’t science. :0

[@t.l.7733]

What I find so astonishing is that these "Stupid & Proud Of It" narcs are often put in leadership/authority/decision making roles in business. My situation was "Dumb & Dumber." My narc boss drove our office into the ground with his clueless decision making & his bosses chose to ignore it. We had an office mtg. regarding our poor office communication which he orchestrated. He ordered the office support to NOT take incoming phone calls from his field reps after 10am. He addressed a room of 80 people ( in his Joel Osteenesque way) & said "Look, this is a simple fix...just like when I fixed the NYC blackout. Immediately, I looked around the room for a reaction & not one person reacted...as if they were a background crowd in a Family Guy episode. First, what does the NYC blackout have anything to do w/ our office issues. Secondly, he was 2 years old when that took place. I envisioned the Mayor of NYC reaching out to a 2 year old several states away & his dad handing him the phone in his crib, saying "son, there's a crisis going on... the Mayor of NYC is on the line they need you to save their city."

[@beverlytate2669]

🤣😂🤣🤓 only a few people have that story. That guy is hilarious and the way people just sat there ... Priceless

[@sharidellar9471]

LMAO

[@eeaotly]

😄

[@ardent9422]

Imagine a small island nation, loaded with people exactly like this...

[@nv_chino]

Ohhhhh that’s America lol

[@LadyVader33]

I often wondered why my narc momster, if she presented herself as a genius, wouldn't simply get a job

[@guyreid8692]

NPD have huge difficulties with interpersonal relationships at home and at work - it’s one of the main features of the disease.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

Irish👀: perhaps she had all the *validation* she needed @home

[@LadyVader33]

@@lifewithapurpose237 like, waiting for the mil to die so she could pounce on the money

[@dellto529]

An ignorant person can be educated, but stupid is forever.

[@JohnLW100]

This is such a therapeutic mind-set changing video

[@lindadobberstein2035]

It’s also STUPID to go before the judge thinking he’s not going to give your faithful wife of 37 years 1/2 of everything! He actually thought he would give me nothing! This is a college graduate! STUPID!

[@lifewithapurpose237]

my goodness linda, currently find self in similar situation. Loyal, virtuous, caring, uplifting, accepting, patriotic, smart some of the time, non-critical, patient to a fault [these are just *some* of my traits] . But my *vulnerable type* questions my womanhood, motherhood, loyalty, patriotism and integrity. Thinks me dumb and that he deserves to take all *our* assets and lock me out of our accounts. Funny note: told him "i see you got yourself a great lawyer, she used to specialize in adolescent boys with mental illnesses, i see she is representing the right client" (she was a juvenile court judge i understand)

[@homebody4843]

I had a boyfriend who did this and that I now suspect is a narc. I cannot wait to see this!!

[@leahc8347]

I love doctor carter because of his kindness and gentle way he explains things. I used to be like that until I felt all the trauma and abuse and betrail and mindbreakery etc I went through nearly all my life to this point left me scared to trust or that I was "stupid" or "naive" for being kind and like helping others etc. It gives me hope to see someone so kind and gentle sticking up for goodness and kindness and teaching healthy ways to put boundaries (which I still kinda struggle but much better since my eyes opened) . It gives me hope that I can still be like that and not get crushed by people pleasing in the process.

[@collie8]

it's not your fault. World is changing so we need to change too. Kepp your good heart ♥ just be more choosy and vigilant.

[@leahc8347]

@@collie8 I know I should, but Im worried Im too naive and too slow at learning my lessons and sticking to it. It is soo scary how some people in the real world act so 'nice' and turn around later and become out so evil. Its something once seen, I still I can't unfeel or unsee or feel really safe with anyone. Yet my "kind/naive/scared to hurt others feelings, etc... I notice has made me unintentionally an enticing victim to othrr abuse despite helping and sacrificing for others. Instead of feeling greatful for my honesty help and friendship, like I don't mean a thing. I generally feel greatful to someone who returns kindess and niceness etc why would someone want to "hit the hand that feeds" thats the way of my thinking its hard to believe the people you loved and respected can turn into evil with no conscious. I know I need to grow up and radically except that there is such evil, because I find it so hard to get past the pain of severe justice and people getting away with it

[@lifewithapurpose237]

leah: when you say feeling 'too slow 🐌 at learning my lessons'. reminds me of college when i kept having trouble with algebra (my fault for feeling 'stupid' when it came to the subject). once, i looked around my class and asked myself 'what do these other students have that i don't ?' But what really helped was when I decided to stop thinking of myself as 'stupid' at math, *THEN* i excelled in algebra, aced 'physics' and breezed through the prerequisite of 'trigonometry'.

[@leahc8347]

@@lifewithapurpose237 That is really good advice. I do look at myself as "stupid" and deprived. If I just believe I was (but honestly, which is hard with gaslit self doubt), I think my has somewhere the capcity quite smart. And yeah maths is not my thing I dont feel I excel well in that either 😬. Thing is I dont feel like Im a worthy person to have a business (again was told Ill never be good at business) I was deprived the opportunity to even do my gcses... so even if I dress well and an employer choose me I feek like a fraud and an imposter if you get me. Ok, sorry I digress. But I get I think what you are saying. We have to challenge our beliefs

[@lifewithapurpose237]

@@leahc8347 : Yep challenge those things " i know i am intelligent *because* i know that i know nothing" Socrates People who think they are stupid mostly stems from (let's say reading) too much and become confused with so much knowledge that this leaves them feeling foolish for not having already known this that and the other. We should never feel we already know everything we need to know about ______ . *LIFELONG* Learning is what it is really about, stop learning stop growing.

[@krejados1]

Now, to share a stupid and proud of it story... My (narc) daughter and her husband were out for a night of fine dining. Among the menu choices: steak tartare. He asks her what that is; she replies "a steak that's been char-grilled twice" - in full confidence and without skipping a beat, as though she were a genuine authority on the subject. Hungry for just such a treat, that's what he ordered... As she told me this story, she was busting a gut laughing... at her husband! Totally overlooking her own ignorance and the fact that she gave him an incorrect answer, she's laughing at him because he got nauseated at being served raw ground beef. She couldn't understand why I was shocked and horrified. She kept asking "Isn't that funny?" Dr C, you knocked another one out of the park. Thanks so much!

[@kathyadair8552]

YIKES! Whoooaa.

[@lynnebucher6537]

Seems like she was very happy to play a mean spirited practical joke on him. I had a college roommate like that.

[@MelissaTress]

Thank You, Dr. C.!!! I appreciate learning how to understand narcissists, how to handle the ones I can’t avoid, & how to avoid the ones attempting ‘rear their monstrous heads’ along my path of living a healthy life! ❤️❤️❤️

[@cymbolichuman433]

I married a Communal Narcissist the first time, a Malignant one the second time, and a vulnerable one this last time. All of them have some really stupid ideas that they expected me to cooperate with. This actually is a big reason why I can never respect their intelligence. #1 wanted to turn into a crow after reading a Carlos Castedneda book about the Yaqui Natives and Mescaline. #2 Wanted me to make 1,000 uniforms for his epic movie and never used his ariflex movie camera and blamed me for not doing what he wanted. #3 will never give up his dream of being famous even though he had his 15 minutes 45 years ago. He never finishes his projects because I refuse to cooperate anymore because he screamed at me and I won't do it again. I also never understood the selfishness of these people and that they think their ideas are stellar, and blame everybody else for their failures.

[@kathyadair8552]

Dang, you hit the Trifecta, with those Clowns. --> Soo sorry! Their thoughts & reasoning are strange, to say the least! Like, trying to make sense w/ Nazis! Either 1, were such poor students, or worse, it's like taking on Trumbolina, himself! Such Losers.

[@steveswan5714]

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise. Proverbs 12:15 KJV

[@randallmurrow3454]

Hear, and amen!

[@randallmurrow3454]

Hear, and amen!

[@huruduru5144]

Call them out on it. Tell them they are one of those that has to put someone down to feel better about themselves.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

💙

[@Holeysocks464]

I guess the most amazing realization for us at this point is just how predictable the narcissistic behaviour is. The fact that Dr. C can describe this behaviour so accurately and consistently and that it fits our own narcissists perfectly is incredible. It’s also very helpful. Strange when we like to think we are all unique, well narcissists certainly do and they are perhaps the least unique. Any in-sites into this predictability phenomena are welcome.

[@catherinewilson1079]

Because Narcissism can be a Personality Disorder. In other words they are not simply arrogant assholes, but are actually mentally damaged. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is described in the diagnostic manual of psychologists and therefore the difference in their mental processes have been analysed and described. You can find lots of information online about NPD.

[@debraaman6026]

Rand, true, true, true! And Catherine Wilson, even tho it's in the DSM, it IS bizarre that the narcissist's specific behaviors, and even sometimes exact words! are so common.

[@ep4341]

I come from a family of what I would consider, normal, humble people, with a thirst for knowledge. Imagine my astonishment, when dealing with this person, who is ignorant, coupled with arrogance. Don’t you dare correct this person’s mispronunciation of common words… you will be chastised for daring to help this person not embarrass themselves in public with further ignorance. Walking on egg shells has become common place for me. I basically tell myself that I am a sort of caregiver to a mentally ill person… And these videos help in a revealing, astonishing way. It is comforting to know that I am not going crazy, and that I am not alone!

[@lesliel.6260]

Well they use their faulty logic to judge everyone so in turn they will say you are illogical but what's interesting is they know to hide their behavior, strange how that works!

[@usernameluis305]

😍

[@Meeeeowowow]

My inner child felt reeeeeal good every time you said “that’s stupid” 😅

[@nv_chino]

😂

[@latashakendrick9709]

😮😮😂😂😂

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

When explaining my narcissistic mum to people who’ve asked me why she is such an outspoken (and sometimes obnoxious) person, i always tell people she’s “stupid” and i make it clear i don’t mean that in a “mean” way but what i mean is she lacks intelligence. She could kick someone’s rump with her words if street fighting were done in words alone. But to carry on an intelligent conversation with her about anything meaningful in life is like talking to a tree- a tree might sway in the wind but it never really moves.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

*ignorance*

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

@@lifewithapurpose237 it is. In some cases it’s plain and simple low levels of IQ. And in other cases it’s high levels of arrogance accompanied by a high IQ. In all cases it’s most certainly emotional stupidity.

[@Cindy-dg6vr]

This is was brilliant. Both my narcissistic family members are out of the house for a while today. I am having a glorious time . Some relaxing some cooking some cleaning some learning about narcissism everything. At my own pace without some someone breathing down my neck sucking the energy out of me. Yesterday they were both home I could barely move .

[@shelley7975]

Oh, I can so relate. I do the happy dance when they pull out of the driveway. They suck the energy out of any room they are in.

[@CharMinsky]

Oh my, same thing. Monday and Tuesday dread. Till he returns to work. I’m supposed to suck it up, that I get no help with anything. Because he is lord, and anything to keep him alive, is valid. In his mind. Eff it.

[@ChulaMula02]

All I saw was the title and had to say YESSS!!! exactly 💯 👏🏼 I know 🤯

[@krejados1]

True dat! I actually busted out laughing!

[@mattdonna9677]

It felt so good to hear all this from Dr C , I know I have lots of company in the " I need to get this stupid and cruel person out of my life " department. Exit plan is in place as I move on to a better quality of life. So generous of you to share your gift with us Dr Carter.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome. Best wishes moving forward! Dr. C

[@barbibutton9619]

You nailed him! Made me feel better. I'm finally leaving. He thinks I won't go but should know from our past, I will make it. I will admit, I'm scared.

[@nv_chino]

Don’t be, it’s better on the other side

[@TheAngelaoddone]

Compound ignorance -- not knowing what you don't know -- happens. Being open-minded and open to lifelong learning makes life better, more interesting. If you know something that a narcissist doesn't, they'll probably take that personally and won't give you the time to share with them what you know because it's far too threatening. Learning from each other requires a degree of vulnerablity that make relationships emotionally satisfying. Otoh, narcissists can be brilliant and, at times, entertaining. As comedian Ron White say, "You can't fix stupid!" 🤣

[@shiny7301]

Arrogant hypocrites in other words narcissists think they know everything and they see themselves as 'wise and intelligent'!!! "Claiming to be wise they became fools. Romans 1:22" Thank you Dr.Carter for your efforts and precious contributions 🙏🏻❤

[@summerkwai528]

I absolutely love this video. With each scenario ending with "That's stupid" it was hitting home the absurdity of trying to reason with a narcissist. My face to face dealing with 2 narcs has ended, thankfully. I've been deeply studying narcissism for the last 8 years trying to figure out why my life was the way it was in these 2 relationships. It took me a long time & I have a better handle on it now. Listening to this video, with each situation ending with "That's stupid" made me laugh b/c pure & simple, IT WAS STUPID. 🤪 8 years ago I would have been crying listening to this. Maybe I'm healing and am able to see the ridiculousness of trying so earnestly to reason with the narcs. Now I know it's 99.9% impossible. Thank you, Dr. C. Your direct, open & honest way of presenting narcissism has been invaluable to me. I've learned so much from you. ❤️

[@krejados1]

I had the same reaction, Cheryl! I hope you continue healing and smiling.

[@mday3821]

"You can't fix stupid!"

[@Canaday291]

With the narc ex there is no rhyme or reason, logic, or obvious common sense approach to situations .. it’s as if he’s intentionally creating a stressful chaotic hostile environment

[@sharidellar9471]

He is.

[@leahc8347]

Im up again in middle of the night again the trauma and flashbacks causing me so much stress and anxiety; I dont know when the hell I live with from the cptsd of it will end. I feel so broken and alone.

[@salettamyers8845]

Hey, go into the playlists- it's what I use to do till the feelings passed & I got stronger- It takes time but I promise it does pass as you build yourself back up to the better/wiser you-The narc wanted to destroy you, you need to work on you- team healthy is a good place to be💙Big hugs🥰

[@leahc8347]

@@salettamyers8845 Thank you 😭🙏 I hope so. Thanks for your advice ❤

[@salettamyers8845]

@@leahc8347 Anytime! You got this!💙

[@lifewithapurpose237]

"Listening to 5 to 10 different Songs a day strengthens the memory and immune system and reduces the risk of depression by 80% " ²⁴oct 2:⁰⁸ a.m read this & texted to my children

[@leahc8347]

@@lifewithapurpose237 Oh, and I straight away went to listen to some music, thanks for reminding me. It helps somewhat I find as I am quite emotionally touched and influence my mood through music.

[@sawdustadikt979]

I heard something once, that went something like, stupid people harm others and themselves with no immediately apparent gain. Dr C gave many wonderful examples, thanks Doc.

[@elenadominic4220]

Narcissist traits come with the territory. We heal once we are away from them. In order to heal, you must focus on yourself. To our nurturing side, this can feel like narcissistic behavior. It is…but it isn’t. It’s about you, your healing journey, your boundaries. Take care of you. Learn to trust yourself. You will emerge a different person who is still able to love, yet has boundaries. I was also In that same situation last year with my husband he was Cheating on me with my best friend and so many other girls Any time I asked him he always say I’m a crazy mother fucker 😞..I told my sister about this and she referred me to her friend on Facebook here, who happens to know programming and stuff He cloned my husband phone and I had access to his social media account and calls Now I had enough evidence to file divorce because I was tired of all the heart breaks.

[@elaineknox1023]

As a friend of mine says "narcissists are out of it and proud of it"! I remember telling the ex "you are a legend in your own mind"...now if someone said this to me I would be forced to take a look at myself. Not the ex...he would smile arrogantly like he was proud of it which was yet another red flag. So glad that part of my life is over!

[@jeffwilliams9086]

I’m ALWAYS amazed by how well you know these people and how they destroy our lives when we are ignorant to their horrible personalities

[@jacquelinefroehle5868]

I do think that their own lies, and believing their own lies.....makes them progress mentally backwards in life, until they become mentally/emotionally/psychologically STUNTED PEOPLE. It's like being married to a Junior High Girl Bully.....rather than a man, husband and father.

[@uncleclaw171]

This is EPIC and so true, Dr Les. Another great vid and really puts a perspective on their arrogance and ignorance. Very similar to what I have been saying for quite some time, "Arrogance + Ignorance = Dangerously Stupid"

[@aitimomma]

I refer to them as the “Village Idiots”

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Close enough. Dr. C

[@prophet1782]

Thank you Dr.Carter.Imagine me in a family of 8 narcs out of 11 . Some narcs get pleasure from doing stupid things.That stupidity becomes a forbidden Fruit to them. It is sweeter .

[@cloudwalker8266]

Boy, this describes so many people I've known! Glad they are out of my life now--or at least gray rocked.

[@lynettepurkis2004]

I’m in Australia, does “grayrocked” mean excommunicated ?

[@SavannaXO]

@@lynettepurkis2004 its just ignoring the narc really

[@carefulcarpenter]

Arrogance: Self-absorbed incompetant. Confidence: Focused competant. Arrogance: Others don't know anything. Confidence: Understanding with openness, sincerity, and curiosity. _The competant can;_ _The incompetant say they can;_ _The miserable manage;_ _Everyone else makes excuses._ cc If you don't agree, please leave a constructive comment. Thanks, cc. 👀🐡👍

[@sawdustadikt979]

Well said. In our trade, you get a real ground level experience of this topic, especially the cost on everyone around the the arrogant individual(s). Especially when it comes to short cuts, “ I just” said with arrogance, proceeds a lack luster method of getting something done. I like to think, what I’m rebuilding was the error of someone green, doing the best they can with what thy have, hopefull I know, then I find something egregious. I use these experiences to humble me and keep me curious and always striving to do better.

[@carefulcarpenter]

@@sawdustadikt979 I read you. Yes, I have often wondered what was behind the finished wall. Two year ago I put in a vanity cabinet that was worth around 10K in Palo Alto---- for a very experience Software Engineer. You know talking to the man that Quality is Essential. The contractor used me for about two months before I was "Imperfect" and he had to let me go. (TEMP skilled labor, I was). You know why--- he and his crew could never have succeeded with that vanity. I made about 133% more than I made in 1980. You would not believe what was behind the sheet rock! It was a mess. The cabinet HUNG off of that wall. I am a freaking magician! Don't mind my arrogance...... please go look at the end result. The Engineer customer really appreciated me; and I appreciated him. The contractor devalued me at the end. If you asked him, he would tell you how he had to go in and fix my work. 😁 BS. 🐂

[@emotown1]

Hmmm..... Competency is a big subject. And arrogance is a big subject. High competency levels in something can result in arrogance in some people and not in others - think Richie Blackmore and then think Jimi Hendrix as examples of how it can go either way. Yes, generally, I'd say arrogant people usually got to be that way because they are of above average competency. They tend to exaggerate their perceived competency, and brook no criticism of it, but they are at core still basically very competent. They just aren't nice.

[@carefulcarpenter]

@@emotown1 Agree. It is a complicated issue that requires context. Labeling people who irritate us may be a sign of our own shadow projection rather than their false persona. A highly talented person in the entertainment business is far from the "fake" contractor who sells the skills of others. To be fair at both ends it is wise to understand what the consumer is wanting to buy? Does the customer want to "feel great, look smart, impress others"? Will Rogers had a famous quote about false humility being worse than arrogance. It all comes down to the context, and how authenticity fits the equation. Generally narcissists cannot deliver promises.

[@sawdustadikt979]

@@carefulcarpenter yup, all unfortunately common place with contractors and builders that sell their subs work as if they put their baby soft hands on the materials themselves. This is a nuanced conversation naturally, that being said. I’ve gone round after round with these guys over the past 20years and I learned how to win in the end but now I don’t sub for anyone to avoid all the problems. I am learning how to apply boundary work in my business to the point I would consider subbing again, IF they treat me like a sub, no micro management, I set my schedule, I get my materials and they sign my contracts deeply outlining my scope of work, expected payment schedule and late fees.

[@travisbrueck9076]

You can fix yourself but you can't fix stupid it's forever

[@wrenjacobs9392]

I think stupidity is knowing the right thing to do but choosing poorly.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That resonates.

[@VickiWells]

Thank you Dr. Carter for giving us permission to use this terminology when dealing with these people. They are also practiced at being willfully ignorant.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Vicki Wells,You got a lovely smile 😊

[@cstevens8788]

Before I went no contact first & then got off social media, my covert narcissists constantly told me what I was doing would not work. I knew they were stupid because they had no idea what I could accomplish. They still do not know because I do not share my personal stuff. It drives them crazy. 😁👍

[@nv_chino]

It’s crazy how they really wanna know your personal information and will go to great lengths to find out

[@lindacoleman1891]

I went through all of this for 2 years. I chose freedom 6 weeks ago and left! It worries me that I still think about him a lot! There’s a short award winning film on KZbin about Gaslighting. That is exactly what he did to me almost word for word. This film and your videos help validate that I’m not crazy. I want to NOT think of him. He moved someone else in almost immediately.

[@k.prince6799]

He is her problem now. As you heal, you will think of him less, and value yourself, and your peace more. Congratulations! You won yourself back. I am proud of you. ❤

[@sandramariesolander]

@Linda Coleman Can you link the video please?

[@lindacoleman1891]

@@maggiemae9099 Thank you very much for the support! I will look into radical acceptance. I’m reading “What’s so amazing about grace” by Philip Yancey. It is helping. I don’t understand why I think about him. I know he is a gaslighting narcissist and a terrible person! 😘😘😘

[@lindacoleman1891]

@@k.prince6799 Thank you for the wise words and your kind support. 😘

[@lindacoleman1891]

@@sandramariesolander Yes… It’s called: Your Reality - Award-winning short film on Gaslighting. It’s 21:04 long. Good luck to you! 😘

[@jilliebean2709]

This was SPOT ON! Thank you for expressing things I want to yell from the rooftops. The two most hypocritical, judgmental, and extremely smug narcissists I've ever met in my life have a favorite expression "I can't stand people. They're so stupid." Meanwhile......... 100% lacking in self awareness. This is a husband and wife I've had to deal with for WAY TOO LONG. I have a 100 x 100 x 100 foot boundary in place finally. Whew!

[@carrie6157]

So I’m NOT the stupid one ! Thank you dr carter !

[@thomaswaffle5121]

Stupid people can also be genius and genius people can be quite stupid.

[@pixchick55]

This video was exactly what I was looking for. I am dealing with a narcissistic "Stupid & Proud Of It" apartment maintenance manager. By me standing up for myself & rejecting his (poorly executed health risk) band-aid patch solution involving a water leak & mold, he got his _____ in a twist about me politely & firmly saying "NO, you're not listening to reason...fix it RIGHT" that he actually yelled at me in my own apartment. (Huge mistake, completely unprofessional, there were witnesses...he removed himself before he got removed.) Just a monumental hissy fit. It was so funny...I didn't know if he needed a bottle or a spanking or a time out. I had to go over his head to his manager over $5 worth of sheetrock & a lousy, bratty slumlord attitude. Thank you for giving us the tools to be strong & stand up for ourselves when narcissists try to bully us. Stand your ground, people!

[@zebraboxers8808]

My narc mom used to teach me that "as a woman it is our right to change our mind at any given moment". In reality she only said this because she was indecisive about everything and always played both sides like puppets in her triangulation. It was her way of justifying her behavior and not taking accountability when she was called to action. Feigning ignorance and happy to play dumb. Also of course this quote only actually applied to her lol.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That quote is a good one for chameleons. Dr. C

[@gregh2322]

My first impression of the narcs in my life was that they were ignorant. In the sense that they had no awareness of how to act or speak to people. Now I understand what their game is.

[@nv_chino]

Over time you figure out it was something much more sinister

[@traxikscifi8105]

Thats probably the most difficult thing to accept, the overwellming incapacity to understand that 1+1 = 2

[@Conflictinator]

I know both types. Those who think they know everything, and present themselves that way to people they know well, as well as people they've just met. Then there's the other type, the deliberately obtuse. This type claims not to know something that you KNOW they know, or that they should know, because it's obvious as you stated. These types simply don't want to take responsibility for anything, and not knowing something relieves them of that responsibility.

[@dankreiser2592]

There are 3 types of people in the world, 1) Those that can learn from instruction, or other persons mistakes, 2) Those that have to learn from their own mistakes, and 3) Those that don't learn. The wisest person is #1, and narcissist is #3.

[@Hugging_Cactus]

‘stupid’ was never a technical term used in psychology until today. thanks Dr C.

[@TrpleAgnt2011]

psychology textbooks are quite far behind when it comes to psychopaths and narcs. In fact they barely mention them. this is new material.

[@bonnies.d.1121]

My favorite narc (who constantly called me one, introducing me to the whole concept!) said s/he had been ranked in some tiny upper percentile of intelligence, but I remember a couple of times I was so amazed at hi/r refusal to stick with the subject or logic that I dared say, "You know, you have greatly over-estimated your intelligence." I was hoping they would hear that...that it would really give them pause...Nope. I was even saying it calmly and earnestly, hoping that would help. Nope. I guess blind spots can be a true functional liability. (This video really tickled my funny bone...it must contradict a lot of old wounds. I plan to file it under Humor for days when I really need that! Thanks Dr. C. You really delight. I must say, though, that in the long run, I think getting under our criticism to the pain a la I. Bosch and PRI will do us most good. And God...not forgetting to pray and to keep believing in -- and doing! -- good.)

[@stevejohnson5333]

Profoundly simple. "Clever" or "smart" in own eyes never trumps wise. Thanks Dr C

[@lifewithapurpose237]

💙

[@monmonz9151]

Shaking my head and grinning listening to your video Dr Carter, enlightened my day as I recall all the stupidness STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES…. person should be judged by their actions, not their appearance 👍🥸. So great. Thank you.

[@tedschmitt178]

My extremely narcissistic ex wife would frequently psycho analyze me and give me a diagnosis. The problem was that she had ZERO training in psychology. ZERO. I now realize that it was all just another form of gaslighting.

[@Lola-mt1ne]

Yes, that 'pseudo' knowledge.

[@couchman-sw6jy]

My brother convinced himself I was autistic and said I should get tested for it. I wonder now if this was a way to lower my self esteem to control me more.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

ted: :my reply to@glizzard: things you *try* , to please a narc partner " #5 accept the mental health 'diagnosis' the uncredentialled narc labels you with." Currently and *supposedly* i am a bipolar, crazy bíatch & apparently still suffer from post partum psychosis after 24 years (emoji : confused, scratches head) Mine also has the nerve to get angry because i don't 'Own' this. Told them "what? do you expect me to start every sentence like they do in 'AA' 'Hello my name is【 _____】and i am an [their diagnosis here] " ¿ 🤣😆😂

[@tedschmitt178]

@@lifewithapurpose237 My ex wife convinced me that I was crazy, so I saw a shrink for months. She also convinced me that I was an alcoholic, although I never have been. I attended AA meetings just to make her happy. She also convinced me that I was impotent, so I spent thousands seeing at least three endocrinologists.

[@worzi3]

You hit the nail on the head!

[@jonathanjollimore7156]

What a hell combo extreme arrogance combined with healthy case of dunning-kruger effect.

[@vitalule8889]

Self-reflection is required before we judge

[@cherrybacon3319]

From my experience a Narcissist would never admit to be stupid because they're supposed to know everything. 🍒

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You make sense.