Never Doubt It, Narcissists Are Schemers

A skill that is common to narcissists is the ability to make favorable appearances that disguise their less-than-ideal intentions. Dr. Les Carter explains how narcissists have a chronic need to seek supply, which means that what you see on the surface does not match what is actually inside their character.
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[@Alice-sw9hf]

A narcissist never wants to know who you are.

[@bereal6590]

So very true

[@aharry31]

I disagree. They are very interested and pretend to know and care about you as a person. They want to know who you are for their benefit but do not care about who or what you are as a human being. Once they have achieved their agenda which is always hidden, you will realize it when the mask comes off.

[@yangshifen9778]

@@aharry31 oh no, am a victim of such...

[@kittyblack1538]

I feel like for people who grew up around narcissists, they place an identity on you and refuse to give you any space for your own personality to grow. I didn't know who I was until I left. Realised at age 19, living as who i am now at 24.

[@C.R886]

Or you have to like whatever they like, can't be unique at all

[@earmarkaudiologyllc8444]

Best revenge on a Narcissist: Living a happy healthy life.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it. Dr. C

[@janetstonerook4552]

I'm amazed at how easy it has become once you withdraw from the narcisisst's silly games. By saying nothing against my narc relative but not interacting with her, other relatives have caught on and have come to me with their own stories about her outrageous behavior toward them.

[@nancysayad9960]

@@janetstonerook4552 Ha ha ...nice 👌👌

[@maxineclark9169]

I agree. Doing that right now. It also helps to alleviate the frustration and emotional pain of having been in a Narc's clutches.

[@marylourdes007]

100% it's like throwing salt on a Slug!

[@terrymathews8177]

This is so spot on - they may have moments they act interested in your life - but it's only to gather info to use against you - put you down and spread gossip about you

[@truthtriumphant]

Exactly this!!! It’s never genuine interest out of true love and concern!!

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

Yes truth

[@mrslrj1s]

Yes!!! Gathering intel to better manipulate you with.

[@Cat-sx6ep]

And as a woman when a man does this no one calls them out smh it was disturbing to face this

[@bereal6590]

None of the ones in my ļife truly know who I am. It's very hurtful but these videos are so helpful educational and personable that they really help 😊

[@billyrayvalentine7972]

The pandemic didn't give me covid. It gave me clarity. ❤ Well Dr. Carter gave me clarity. 👍🙏🙂

[@USNBLUE]

It’s never too late for clarity. Get out now. Save yourself.

[@katiewray1712]

Amen!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Billy Ray. Dr. C

[@DavidDrummondTX]

That statement is so true and much further reaching for most of us beyond just discovering the narcissist in our midst.

[@denisevalenzuela3960]

That is sooo 🔥 🔥!!

[@LeCielBleu02]

*Bait and Switch.* Promise something desirable to the victim, cancel the promise, and then substitute the narcissist's controlling agenda.

[@flash_flood_area]

Future faking.

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

My step “father” to a tee.

[@motorcityblacksheep121]

My mom and aunt exactly. Am blessed to be no contact 🙏🏼

[@joywebster2678]

Future faking is very painful to endure. Small things like I'll pick u up and we'll get dinner, and u are returned home 4hrs later after no food....up to lavish promises of vacations, helping post major surgery......gushing plans and promises that never happen.

[@jen-dy6tm]

Exactly this. EXACTLY.

[@jeffreyzeiss1326]

They are pathological liars and need to feel superior and be the center of attention.

[@shirleyguinyard8183]

Always

[@Sarah.M98]

I agree, their day to day lives are based on lies. That's how they manipulate people into giving them anything they want, the lengths they go to for supplies are shocking/scary.

[@observationsincars5083]

The narcissist always begins a relationship by stating that they have your best interests at heart, then they slip through to the superior or dominant position. Later they try to fine-tune every aspect of your life. If you ever dare to call them out on it they will always use a Uno reverse card on you. This is how they operate to a T.

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

Uno reverse card! Excellent analogy!

[@deborahbulthe]

@@learningenglishthroughtran8540 that is their twisted make up

[@shelley7975]

Well, said. :)

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

“I didn’t ask you to do that” Famous words of a narcissist whose slipped in under the radar and gained your trust without even knowing there was such a thing as red flags or when the red flags are such a pretty shade of rose you didn’t even need to wear glasses. I was such an idiot! But we don’t know what we don’t know.

[@carolnahigian9518]

Dump Them-- have JOY! go no contact

[@krs1602]

In essence, a Narcissist will take on whatever temporary 'form' they need to in order to get their supply.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Spot on. Dr. C

[@krs1602]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank for all your insight and therapeutic help on the matter Dr C. You've helped me and so many others.

[@happydillpickle]

Chameleons. They mirror the people they wish to use/manipulate in order to get something out of, trying to make out they're very similar in personality/interests/style. It's incredibly cringey if you know what you're seeing and frightening if you didn't see it coming before they switch. A narc I am currently no contact with actually faked having bipolar disorder because the married, monied person they wanted had bipolar. I feel so sorry for their current target as I can see how they've been laying the groundwork to take everything. Truly sinister.

[@krs1602]

@@happydillpickle "Chameleons" I realize this in hindsight. I remember thinking this Narcissist was so witty, thoughtful, funny introspective and intelligent. But seemingly, it was mostly them mirroring and regurgitating bit's and pieces they picked up from me. I never know what if any gesture/statement is genuine. It's so confusing. And I'm empathic, so it's so difficult to comprehend such insidious tactics. But it's all seemingly forms of manipulation.

[@ThePossumone]

Religion ?

[@BobTheSchipperke]

Narcissists don't play fair. Narcissists attempt to set the rules and then move the goal posts.

[@annebodee]

YES! THIS!

[@brendaplunkett8659]

So true!

[@shelaghmckenna2667]

...to the point of denying the very words they have just said, and the very actions they have just done.

[@sanjmalik6282]

@ Lesley, Your absolutely spot on.

[@sharonjones5173]

They are users, absolutely. As long as you are a member of their “fan club” and give then their adulation and their supply, and cater to their ego, everything is fine. But the minute you have needs or stop catering to them, beware. You will be amazed how fast they will turn on you. And trying to give them what they need emotionally is like filling a black hole that only gets deeper.

[@happydillpickle]

They are empty vessels.

[@shivadevotee6531]

🙏🏽

[@janetstonerook4552]

Actually even if you become their constant stooge and always do their bidding, they still behave very dismissively toward you once they think you are hooked. They come to expect you to give them more and more to the point you run out of emotional and physical resources to give. And they show no gratitude for any of it.

[@spiritoftheforest6204]

My friend never wants to spend time with me if I'm sad, ill or unhappy.

[@janetstonerook4552]

@@spiritoftheforest6204 A lot of folks can't handle other's pain or discomfort, especially if these incidents happen a lot. Granted it's not as enjoyable to be around someone who is often unhappy or ill as it would be if they were happy and upbeat and giving us back good vibes. So I'd say it is a matter of how often this occurs. I am just the opposite. I don't want to be around others if I'm ill or sad. I don't want them to feel sorry for me and I don't want to try to pretend I'm okay when I'm not. It's great to have others loving and supporting us but we have to take responsibility for our own well-being.

[@mildredwilliams8107]

Narcissist can be very childish, worse than children when they don't get their way!

[@Bkamron]

Yesterday I finally said, "I'll be used by no one." It was the best decision I made in years. After 14 years of knowing her and walking on eggshells and putting her before everything else in my life but to no avail, I put my foot down and made myself clear - liberation is a good feeling. Abuse doesn't always show outward scars the inward ones are the most painful.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Very best wishes as you move away from this. Freedom is your birthright. Dr. C

[@Bkamron]

@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you, your videos help and I'm not sure you are aware to what extent they do. They helped me to see that I was not really the problem as I was led to believe, I saw all the signs after seeing your videos and they gave me the confidence to make the move I needed to all along now, I'm no longer tense and overly self-conscious and apologetic just for the sake of that false sense of peace. The uncertainty was literally so stressful it affected my sleep and my world view and perception of self, I honestly was beginning to feel like I was faulty and incapable of repair. I am now seeing a wonderful therapist who is helping a lot. I really appreciate what you are doing. I pray God's richest blessing on what you and what you're doing to help so many! God bless!

[@superluiss01]

and how do we heal something that doesnt bleed or cause sharp pain that lets you know what where the problem is and what to fix... yeah bro. its tough. no one even see that you are hurting and thats what hurts the most. having to pretend you are not hurt.

[@realhealing7802]

Yes! Emotional scars take years to heal.

[@thomasmcnerney9745]

@@realhealing7802 actually...not years but a lifetime!

[@donnahilton471]

Envy is out of control with these people. It doesn't matter what the have, they are always jealous of what other people have. Anything you have, that they don't have, is like a slap in the face. Theirs always has to be better, more expensive, they need to be well thought of....etc...

[@cassiebrown9786]

They are extremely jealous

[@amuddymoose]

Exactly. They are always jealous and act like your younger brother or sister, it’s sickening.

[@SaN-vg4bo]

Not just what you own it’s also what you say/ do. They will relay stories and conversations you’ve had/done , as if they are their own. They mimic everything. And as far as your possessions, they will help themselves to your things as if YOU OWE THEM.

[@alonzomosley7]

@@SaN-vg4bo Going through this right now fleecing me of everything

[@jaanaviit3847]

Yes my one accidentally fell on my guitar broke it while I wasn’t home. I’m a musician it was my cheap acoustic but was a gift from my father. Then didn’t tell me… took it to the cheapest repair guy he could find (very tight with money) instead of replacing it. Then proceeded to message the repair guy like it was his guitar and he thanked him for “making it sound great now and he jammed on it”. The guitar sounds weird and he plays like 5 chords… ? Very weird behaviour. Or the time he lied to his friend that he grew “150 pumpkins and made a tonne of money” (he grew like 50 and they were tasteless, he didn’t sell one)

[@jeffreyzeiss1326]

Narcissist can be extremely charming... initially.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

At first, but then...... Dr. C

[@politicjunkee]

So true so true! Narcissists discard you when you don’t provide what they can use you for that serves their own needs. This is true whether with family, so called friends, and coworkers or superiors.

[@Novanglusify]

yep.

[@happygoluckyh.t.d.4life.739]

Mine tried harder, I'm in a small community though so I may have been one of the final unsuspecting fools she had to choose from.

[@loriallen9237]

Some of us that refuse to keep being used finally leave. But given their manipulation, it's very hard...

[@politicjunkee]

@@loriallen9237 have you tried no contact?

[@JettBlast]

Completely Agree!

[@jonnyblade46]

There is always (always!) a trap and a hidden agenda. These people are deeply manipulative. Funny thing is, they don't stop when you find them out and tell them. They simply can't stop.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it. Dr. C

[@marktwain8668]

There Social IQ is very LOW !

[@jonnyblade46]

@Gold Tau That's true. We all know how it feels to be thrown in the trash. A narcissist replaces you fast

[@loriallen9237]

@@jonnyblade46 and once you "get it" you recognize that as a gift...

[@christineplaton3048]

Avoid Schemers. Respect is earned. After narcissistic abuse it's very difficult to trust again. Once. we. have. been. properly. educated. Never be vulnerable again. It's very difficult but must have financial, personal stability and never be coerced again. It changes our lives, we will never be the same again.

[@dubliner1303]

I didn’t before and that was the creatures play.

[@Laura-ss2yo]

I am fighting the urge to not be vulnerable again. I feel vulnerability is how we make true connection, I just need to be better at knowing who to share myself with in that way. So much easier said then done!

[@randomsasquatchwithwifi4090]

@@Laura-ss2yo its ok to be vulnerable...just set..and hold...boundaries. And make people earn your information. You can take your time before being vulnerable.

[@ThePossumone]

Yes stay single

[@beneiseoleinmheart5614]

Never! But we can be stronger as a more educated about these type of persuasive personalities that we don't gt manipulated again, and teach others how not to. Everything happens for a reason.

[@lisaking4386]

Sometimes you can see the little wheels working in their brain, through their eyes, and you can almost be certain they're thinking something like, well I can tell her this, or, I can tell him that, and you can rest assured you're about to be buffaloed in some way.

[@ashl8804]

.....very true!

[@ConnieLeinicke]

@Lisa King So true! My so-called narc “friend” got a certain evilish gaze when she was about to do something cruel to me. Ten days ago was the last straw, though, when she masterminded and authorized a public and humiliating physical attack on me at a restaurant in front of both our husbands as well as my friends from another state who were visiting me for my birthday weekend. I knew something was up as soon as she sat down across from me at the table with that “look” in her eyes. So I told both her and our waiter TWICE that there had better be no incident at our table. But it happened despite my warning. I had recognized for over a year the red flags of extreme attention seeking (flamboyant/revealing clothes, exclamations of “I love you” to everyone she sees, calling every man she encountered her “boyfriend” - even in front of her husband, etc); shouting down others’ thoughts/opinions; looking only at her iphone when anyone is with her; telling me how to decorate my home, spend my $, arrange my kitchen cabinets, care for my pets; commandeering my grown kids’ time during their home visits, etc etc etc. But the locked-in gaze behaviors always included an element of cruelty. Since the physical attack, however, I finally realized who/what she is and that my only recourse is to end any contact with her. So I blocked her on my phone, email, and all social media. Plus I have had and will have no further in-person contact with her. I am done. All boundaries now in place. Thanks to Dr C for all he does! Team Healthy!

[@db44491]

My poor mother has lived with one for 64 years, my mother is a giver by nature and he has abused her kindness all these years so sad...

[@danaellenwood1260]

My husband of 25 years is bipolar and now I am seeing that he is a narcissist,( he denies it of course) I've been used for 25 years, for sex, for money, for stability. He is so vindictive and emotionally abusive. I've lived in fear all this time and now I'm going to be leaving him, he will have to get a job and take care of himself or ask his mom to 🙄 This videos have opened my eyes up Thanks so much for making them.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Practice self care! Dr. C

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

He sounds like my dad .

[@beneiseoleinmheart5614]

Please!!! Never TELL HIM, you're leaving! That's when women usually gt killed. Kp it to yourself. Have a secure plan. Leave when he's not Around. He will possible stalk you anyway. But hopefully you'll be safe.

[@boursitocard]

Well done you are very brave. What has been seen cannot be unseen

[@cynthiacole9328]

There is no substitute for authenticity ... Narcissists will never know what it's like to have this. 😑 I feel blessed to be an authentic individual ... 💌☺️

[@andrearush6209]

❤️

[@pjpj3416]

Me too!!

[@drsaylor9145]

A commodity. An appliance. Something for them to use. And they don't do the maintenance on you

[@FREEDOMWARRIOR792]

ALWAYS trust youre INTUITION when you spot RED FLAGS 🚩🚩🚩

[@faithm9284]

Super critical, condescending, They only want someone in their lives that make them look good, sound good, or provide what their need might be at any given time. They will suck it out of you, even say they doing you a favor, and act as if they are doing you a favor! Shockingly manipulative! Self-servicing brought to a new art form. 🤪 Excellent actors! There is a hidden anger, with a covert narcissist.

[@pjpj3416]

FACTS!!👍

[@AlwaysHope2019]

anger !! Yes

[@ragnarmjoinir353]

describes my brother noman to a t

[@nickf9392]

When you truly care about someone you plan....when you care about yourself, you connive. Know the difference and when you see signs of selfish conniving going on....time to leave.

[@treelover1050]

THE ONE I KNEW WAS DEFINITELY A LIAR AND A SCHEMER. HE USED PEOPLE CONSTANTLY AND DENIED ANY WRONGDOING. I LEFT HIM.

[@mattdonna9677]

The emotional resilience we need is within reach, we have Dr. Carter and Gus to help us. What a blessing it has been to find this channel.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad to know the videos resonate, and Gus thanks you too. Dr. C

[@Priasbcbeist]

Aw yeah def Gus lol sorry dr. C

[@jacquelinefroehle3583]

Absolutely 💯

[@carolnahigian9518]

my Sibling bribed another RELATIVE TO MOLEST& to S&xual Abuse me , then Laughed about it for Decades. An ugly Plotter!!

[@Teacher369]

You can count on the narc baiting and recording your conversations too. 😳 Hidden cameras, listening devices, even trackers on your vehicle, etc. Authentic people don’t think along those lines, so take it from one who found out the hard way… Nothing is beyond the narcissist’s capabilities.

[@Hatbox948]

I think my narc may be doing this after overhearing a recent conversation he had.

[@maryheiser311]

I think it is possible that the narcs don’t know how “off” they are. I saw an escalation in my ex with indicators that he was no longer able to separate his self-created world from the real world and actually believed in himself, totally controlled by his own warped way of thinking and would go to any means to remain in his delusional state. As I noticed more increasing abnormalities in him he would become more defensive and was in our marriage in person only for the last several years. He finally discarded me - thank God.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Very interesting experience you share Mary. It makes a lot of sense. Almost like they do know they have rotted inside

[@babybelle5]

This sounds exactly like my friend who has created a world for himself and goes to any means to remain in his deluded state. He actually believes that he's going to save the world and reset it by removing all evil people and evil history and starting it over. But he covers himself by stating that maybe he's just crazy and all his work will be for naught, yet he still pours nearly every ounce of energy into using his mind to bring the world up. It's so sad, too .. he wasn't always like this, at least to this degree. I was in love with him and am working step by step to break free by telling myself the man I fell in love with is gone. All my best to you..

[@maryheiser311]

babybelle5 do your best to break away from him. They never change but only get worse as time goes on. Be careful, be smart but get away before things have a chance to escalate because they will. Take care, dear.

[@ShayLove84Fam1st]

@@babybelle5 omg!! I know these are wicked entities because you described my husband to the T😪

[@halnot4u2no75]

Controlling people are extremely weak individuals and to move away from them will be the healthiest thing for yourself

[@ellenlewis9860]

This sums up 40 years of my life. I'm old, tired and tired of trying. Divorced but not at peace. At least I feel validated by your videos. Thanks

[@ThePossumone]

If you are in your 60 or 70 you still have life to live and grow - never give up Ellen

[@harrietthornton5328]

Hello Ellen Louis, Just passed my 40th Anniversary in December. Yes I'm exhausted too. I found a great counselor. Making plans to leave. Taking it one day at a Time because my energy Only allows a slow approach. At this point in life I just Want peace. Please if Possible, do what you Need to do to be at Peace. We all deserve it.

[@beneiseoleinmheart5614]

You're not divorced; you are FREE. Stay that way.

[@beneiseoleinmheart5614]

@@ThePossumone thanks ❤

[@aungar2403]

Ellen, you don't deserve to feel so beat down. I know your pain. I am there, too. Stay strong. Keep listening to Dr. Carter's videos. I don't know how he does it, but he is always spot on! We are not alone.

[@perrissmith8809]

The narcissist only has surface relationships that can do something for them or make them look good. They do not share the same goals of accomplishment in the slightest. I will go as far as to say that when you share your accomplishments, they will actually sabotage them. -poor covert narcissist...

[@danaellenwood1260]

Totally true, my daughter won an iPad at a Holiday raffle and she was telling us about it and all my husband could say is "oh an Mac those are terrible devices" he couldn't be happy for his daughter to win something. He had to put attention back on him and say something negative, she's a smart cookie and actually call him on it. but of course he defending himself "I've never liked Mac products" and of course he said well I'm happy that you won something... But at that point he was just playing the victim that he was attacked because he was called out about his bad behavior.

[@suzanne4396]

Todd M. Redmond Erie Pa

[@pjpj3416]

Poor covert narcissist??? Yea right!! It's more like, poor victims.

[@craigmerkey8518]

Once I realized every interaction was an opportunity to create conflict and orchestrate their agenda I moved on! That agenda is to get temporary ego fixes. Since this personality style is going to be mad and dysregulated no matter what, go live your life! It was never about you to begin with! Hollow shell, no thank you !

[@sarilnn1603]

A lack of introspection, extreme moodiness, using people like "tools", to regulate their moods. They are envious of people who have a sense of peace. Thx for the spot on analysis.

[@silverdolphin1123]

I wish all the narcs out there would get together n isolate themselves on some distant island away from normal folks. There they can have a wonderful time devouring each other n eventually self-destruct into oblivion. THAT would leave the rest of humankind to exist in eternal bliss.

[@cheresmith5188]

You nailed it ! I’m so sick of walking on egg shells . No accountability for anything . I’m out of this , I gave it all I had and wasted my time and energy , she will NEVER CHANGE . Thank you Dr . Carter ❤️

[@amuddymoose]

Yup, no accountability for anything. It’s a loss cause. I’ve learned not to waste my energy.

[@DaddysGirl949]

You wasted more than time and energy. What about living your life FOR YOU? What about all those missed opportunities, dreams, your happiness & truly being LOVED by a human being who’s capable of giving you all those beautiful things you deserve? Your life & mentally wellbeing matters just as much as theirs in my opinion it matters more. I hope you find someone that deserves you. Wishing you many blessings on your healing journey.

[@more444store6]

Civility is the way you know a person is not a narcissist. They love to fight and are angry people.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Spot on

[@barbpaq]

Good point

[@cynicallyyours61]

Let them be easily offended, let them rage, you should never have to censor what you say or do for another.

[@shirleyvanderheijden5934]

Keeping calm,speak you mind and walk away!❤️

[@truthiseverything9511]

Literally textbook. Eight months no-contact after five months involved. When I realized he's a nutcase who was attempting to sabotage me to steal my business, I easily dished out a severe case of whiplash from which he had to crawl back to the great nothing of his own making. I'm a Super-Empath, not a doormat.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

‘When I realized he was a nutcase … ‘ my god doesn’t that just sum them up totally? Thank you

[@kynathomas4809]

💣💣💣💯

[@ilae.williams8280]

That is EXACTLY how u do it...congratulations💯

[@ilae.williams8280]

....not a doormat...💯😎

[@joannajohnson696]

Narcissists are like living with a train wreck. They are users. I am going to "OPT OUT" to being used after learning his intentions. He keeps pulling my life down to his cesspool. I need to crawl out of the hole he has put me in and start from zero. (before I go down with him!) Hello Gus! So good to see you both!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I hope you are able to find peace, Johanna, and if it means breaking away, so be it. Dr. C

[@beneiseoleinmheart5614]

🤣🤣living with a train wreck!!

[@marymargaretblumhorst5359]

Walk out of the with your head held high! Be proud that you finally saved yourself! No more crawling!

[@dolaopposite]

They always have a problem with someone close to them.

[@joannegriggs8865]

Every encounter ends badly. They always in every conversation they bring something up, maybe from 10 years ago , that they were treated wrongly over, they think.

[@tellnolies8530]

Liars, cheats, and con artists!!

[@amuddymoose]

They don’t truly care about anyone except themselves.

[@lisaking4386]

They'll want to know about you when they're trying to figure out how to exploit you, esp., in your first few encounters with them. If they're running a con, they behave as if you're the most interesting person there is. But that might cross over into the realm of psychopathy too.

[@guyreid8692]

Machevellism

[@danaellenwood1260]

My husband is bipolar and a narcissist too, but he won't admit the narcissist tendencies. One thing that his therapist had said years ago was that he was two markers away from being a sociopath and he talks about it like he's so proud of being that many away, I think it just does it to scare people.

[@barbpaq]

@Lisa King. I've seen this, too. My narc bru lives rent free with my dad but doesn't attend family get togethers. When I visit dad and have small get togethers with his friends, bru passes by and jumps in and takes over the attention of the guest by doing an intensive bonding session. With one couple he's been successful in turning them into his flying monkeys. Very sad, because he's got them working against dad's best interests.

[@anyasilka2325]

The "Guses" of this rotten Narcissistic world are our Saviours in our daily lives!

[@julia393n]

Everything mentioned here hits the nail on the head with my narc mother. Scheming, raised me to be a people pleaser, manipulative, conniving, controlling (even though I am 49), and does not have 1 friend in her life, just an obedient flying monkey husband. To people that don't know her, she appears to be a hard working, sacrificing, gregarious and charming old lady. So people, including most relatives have a hard time believing what she is really like.

[@tuffguydoe7937]

Same except my father didn't marry my mother. My mother's only friend is her enabler. As I distance myself further from her she's trying harder to be a victim. Since I won't pay for her car repair or internet bill for her house, she has really lost her mind. I just wish her neighbor would catch onto her behavior.

[@lisalynn9696]

Have the same thing but she's a stepmom my real mom died when I was really young only child...my dad remarried quickly, she had totally turned him against me after 35 years of pure hell for me her brainwashing us he is the flying monkey is disgusting and now I have no one left. Waste of life nothing was fulfilling just controlled amongst the rest of the million things they do

[@hashmcgee7509]

Yeah one of his best videos

[@treeseneese8655]

I have a friend like that. Everyone thinks she is the nicest person on earth. I’ve seen the other side of her. It’s frustrating when you’re the only one that can see it.

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

I used to watch my ex's blank face whenever I tried to engage him in conversation. He never listened or showed any interest in anything I tried to share with him. If I had ever responded that way to him, there would have been hell to pay. Too stressful and a waste of time!

[@noticeyourneighbor8649]

Same here! Now that I am dishing out the same behavior and mirroring back my husband’s behavior, he is accusing me of being abusive.

[@user-zp4lf3lv6x]

Had narcfriend of 30 yrs would call an want to talk about his bowel movements like I'm suppose 2 hang on his every word maybe I'll get 2 wipe the ass he thinks everyone should kiss weird mofo

[@kookiecanuck]

Rest assured that if Narczillas two faced nickel doesnt work they will try to come up with a three faced coin

[@ChocolateAsian9000]

I recently left my narc girlfriend of 6 years. I’ve had to see her a couple times for various reasons and she’s asked a few times if I’ve found an apartment yet (I heavily implied I moved in with my parents when I left). Little does she know I’ve had one since I left and it’s all spruced up and comfortable. I don’t plan on telling her as long as possible bc I don’t trust her with any info I give her

[@mikeysmoooth5322]

You would think that they’re cool at first. Until questionable things happen, then came gaslighting, devalued and being treated like I didn’t exist due to the silent treatment. Unreal. Trust your intuition with people, mines was screaming before I met that person, that I knew they were a problem, but I didn’t listen to it. They are really comfortable living in a phony world and think that you should subscribe to their phoniness, it’s unbelievable people like that exist. They need help, man.

[@doloreszombory9415]

Yes, I knew when I met a particular new coworker that she was a schemer and a crazy-maker and that if I wasn’t careful she would be my undoing. She’s at the point now where she pretty much tells the boss what to do and makes up the rules as she goes. She never. Stops. Talking. about whatever will make her seem sophisticated (names of French food she cooks, or names of artists and wine and so on) or raves so loudly that Lady Gaga and Tony Bennet are SUCH GOOD FRIENDS, like she is a Hollywood insider or something. From sunrise to sunset she is making deals with the higher ups via text messages so about leaving early, coming in late or doing whatever she feels she is entitled to do. While others work, she is up in everyone’s business, seeing how she can benefit from it. I’m on her shit list since I questioned her demands one day. Now others get her enthusiastic voice while I get a mumble out of her. Ugh, the more space between her and I, the better.

[@debmccafferty1007]

He showed me a catfished photo of his "son." Unreal reveal.

[@angelablaney4575]

Narcs phony pride means they won't get help. Narc asked me to help him, I tried! Enough is enough!

[@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit2023]

Narcissists are users. Opt out and let them move on to the next supply source.

[@rosalynjolly2565]

If they up in your face playing nice its a narc

[@margiestephens8977]

TEAM HEALTHY, thanks Doc! I am OUT & removed from ALL emotionally disregulated people & you are helping me STAY there !!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

#TeamHealthy. Dr. C

[@vickiredfeather4808]

@@SurvivingNarcissism ok is this to teach respect with correct naming? If so add a statement to correction, otherwise seems demeaning to person speaking above in Joy. Thanx

[@susanbiederer8038]

This completely describes my X Friend. I had to block her. She uses people. She has stolen from me. I'm done! People get out while u can. Save yourself

[@maxwell-cole]

Narcissists are users. Excellent video! This is soooo true.

[@loloqueenbee6052]

If I was quiet the ex would say to me …”so what are you scheming?” I couldn’t ever understand why he would say that. Then I realized he was projecting. The way he acted with his cell phone, the secret calls (taking the phone into the bathroom), and constant triangulation. He was SO DECEPTIVE. Ugh… AND THE CONSTANT COMPLAINING!!!!! 🙄🙄🙄

[@terrielvwl]

Always tells me I'm arguing when all I'm doing is explaining myself. So infuriating.

[@danaellenwood1260]

So true! Sometimes my husband will turn complaining into a guilt trip so that I will buy him things I stopped doing that crap a long time ago

[@angelablaney4575]

When I mentioned to narc about how I didn't think the lovebomb stage was authentic on his part after all the nonsense, he replied 'i think it was the real us'!!! No, I was real he wasn't! Im now out of it.

[@sandrarollins3435]

They want attention. Act like Mom, look what I did!

[@marilynwarbis7224]

This video is so helpful. My narc ex told me soon after our marriage, "I never told you before we married, what I'm really like, in case you didn't marry me". He was right, had he disclosed himself before our marriage, I would have run a mile. He wasn't merely calculating, but breathtakingly open about it, as though it was an OK thing to do. The reason he thought it was OK to be like that is that he dressed up his nasty spiteful destructiveness as political truths - i.e. he was a wolf in sheep's clothing, thinking himself compassionate whilst actually being humanity-hating, beginning with me.

[@pigknickers2975]

Chilling. I am leaving my darling girl of 5 years, she is so beautiful and yet behaves so appallingly. She has a campaign against me that is utterly unjust. Manipulative and zero empathy. Can't believe I've been taken in.

[@izawaniek2568]

Peace is what we need. Thank you so much for your help and support.

[@ChiliHorse27]

Watching our videos truly helps my mental health positively. I’ve been married to a sociopathic narcissist for 8 years and no one truly knows the extent of what I’ve went through and how he really is. Watching your videos helps me feel validated and understood, like “FINALLY! Someone understands exactly what I’m going through!” Thank you very much for your videos on here 🙏

[@jonnyblade46]

And when you understand how the narcissist's mind works, you start to counter scheme (because you have to) and everything becomes ridiculous. It's like a stupid spy movie. Total paranoia..

[@lisacadorette7992]

This is so true. It's like a joke. Absolutely ridiculous.

[@jonnyblade46]

@@lisacadorette7992 I remember when my sister said "We don't need to hurry" and I decided to put in an extra gear lol. If she says white, I go for black. If she says up, I say down 👀

[@123raven4]

And if it's not about "ME", I GOT TO BE GOING!!

[@ilgenis]

Wreck their plans to oblivion.

[@treelover1050]

RUN AWAY OR SHUT THEM OUT.

[@korab.23]

I've started telling my child: life isn't fair, nobody owes you anything. (Learned from a teacher I had) and I add on: we make the best of what we have.

[@cherylvanesch3086]

My spouse has totally ignored my learning to play guitar, he’s never said anything positive or asked how I’m doing. He insisted on going with me to a lesson early on and has since had nothing to do with it or me in it. Well recently my instructor had a Christmas recital and I played one Christmas song for the people to sing along with, and my husband did attend because I made a point to ask him to. He, after seeing me perform in front of people then decided (I guess) that it made him look good (somehow) and he praised me. He hasn’t done it before or since. He got something out of “his wife” performing in front of people and was “proud” this breadcrumb existence is just so empty for me with him.

[@roseisrose8154]

Cheryl, I understand totally. After being with my Covert narc husband for 40+ yrs and coming to understand that I fit the empath characteristics to a T, I can look back and see that my husband not only would NEVER support any project I did or anything that made me happy but he’d subtly dis it til I eventually gave up on it. Unless, of course, I publicly got compliments, then he became Mr. Proud and Supportive. Or he’d steal the spotlight. We both do woodworking/furniture refinishing. Recently, at my daughter’s wedding, I had many people tell me what a wonderful job my husband did on a envelope box I designed, made, painted myself. He sat smugly while I looked like a childish brat trying to take credit for it. He also got ahold of the mic and told “jokes” at my expense - not at all funny- made me look horrible. But, he has a sweet, self-deprecating, humble (phony) persona that people praise and love. If I try to explain any of this to anyone, I look crazy. Just want you to know I understand. Good for you to learn a new talent!

[@emmatyler4375]

A lot of what he’s sharing is also how you end up acting when you are abused by a narcissist. They say you are too sensitive and set off by things and have problems with everyone. If you have a lot of family members who are, you can easily sound the way he describes the perpetrator. I don’t talk about people this way unless I’m fearing attacks and trying to persuade other family members not to talk about me to these dark characters.

[@andrearush6209]

This.

[@markcooper9033]

Proverbs 24:8 (ESV) "Whoever plans to do evil will be called a schemer." 😳

[@aaronweatherson4379]

Yep - my brother is always up-to-something...

[@snowbear1877]

All the things my narcissistic sister and mother have accused me of they are guilty of 100 times over.

[@tracysprenger8622]

If you offend them they will punish you and tell you that is what they are going to do to you. Ridiculous.

[@SailorGreenTea]

How does one not go paranoid thinking of the narssissists schemes?

[@jonnyblade46]

Paranoia is a healthy reaction, when dealing with a narcissist. You can't avoid it. Just keep an eye on the source and breathe deep.

[@SailorGreenTea]

@@jonnyblade46 👍

[@arbonneladyTN]

Distance and my personal happiness are two of my best keys for my ‘team healthy’.

[@devarodgers4676]

They are fakers

[@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFS]

Right, "Posers"! The type that would pay a company a fee where everyone get's an award to say that they were awarded an award and use the symbol and then boast on their websites and prospects that "I'm an Awarded artist... see!!"

[@s1nb4d86]

If it seems like they are more polar than water ...RUN!

[@user-wz4bz2fn6s]

Mother complains everyday, every night, every minute, about everything, everyone, continuely. Murmurs, gripes, yells, demands, verbably attacks, mean, Until she puts on a temporary mask for someone, to disguise her real self.

[@janesasinek7126]

So very true!!! He told me he didn't even feel the truelove from his late wife like he felt from me. But, I saw a lot of scheming from him after I married him. He treated me more like a maid and a servant because he felt so superior.

[@shirleyguinyard8183]

I can relate to everything you said

[@vanjagcaoili3712]

Well-explained, Dr. Carter! "Narcs are schemers, but/and thin-skinned."

[@sharonpoisson8401]

After experiencing such people that leaves me with an approach avoidance towards new people. How to over come this is difficult.

[@happygoluckyh.t.d.4life.739]

exactly I want to get to know healthy minded people butI feel traumatized and now I really don't know how to be myself anymore. Instead I'm guarded, too guarded.

[@ebony41441]

This has happened to me too. Too many unhealthy people out there. It’s awfully lonely. When I tell a couple of friends I have left about narcissist. They will say that persons has some good traits. 😳

[@happygoluckyh.t.d.4life.739]

@@ebony41441 I think that happens because the narcie treats each person differently depending on what agenda they have for each of us. I try to piss them off which is way too easy times so I can see the best trait they have which is walking away with their tails between their legs. However knowing that they will in turn bad mouth me to the 12th degree and of course those other people listening will agree with the narc, until something happens to them. So just know that sooner or later Karma always pays a visit to the narc, something will happen they will expose themselves for who they are and there will be an awakening for some of those who ignored what you had to say. I do agree loneliness sucks, when the narcie leaves there is a big void because they were larger then life. Merry Christmas to you the survivor from me another survivor.

[@sharonpoisson8401]

My narcissist brother has stolen my entire family estate totaling three million dollars. He lacks the intelligence

[@barbpaq]

My bru is enroute to that same destination. I pray to God that he saves his soul. That would be the best outcome. Unfortunately he's getting worse and becoming more accomplished at criminal behaviour.

[@Wonderwall36]

Boy, Gus is really working on that bone back there!

[@tedschmitt178]

Dr. C, once again you have described my EXTREMELY narcissistic ex wife PERFECTLY. Thank you.

[@PiscesinVa]

I'm with you, my ex husband to a T... such a shame

[@ErumEhmad20]

I put my sister inlaw on the pedestal for many years believing her victim hood. Now she's an independent woman with a whole lot of money lol I'm not going to be her target any longer. Thank you Dr C for your encouragement and civil strategies to cope with inconsiderate people.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Time is a teacher. Stay strong, Erum. Dr. C

[@ErumEhmad20]

@@SurvivingNarcissism your replies make me feel loved. I don't have a father. I can't even explain how much I appreciate you as a person 🥺❤

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

I feel for you . Glad you stand up for yourself. You don't have to take their abuse. They are emotional abusers. Stand strong. Don't give them their way ever. Always say no to them

[@ErumEhmad20]

@@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690 thank you for those encouraging words. After what the narcs do. These words, and the moral support is worth more than anything :)

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

@@ErumEhmad20 aww I'm glad. I have to do the same thing with mil. We can't give them their way

[@pallasathena1369]

There was no joy whatsoever in the narc I was with. Unless he was scheming payback on people that he had decided had done him wrong. These people included his own sons who were just getting on with their own lives. He actually refused to see his 5 year old granddaughter because she liked her other grandad. You see things with these people that you actually cannot believe. They are rotting from the inside and it shows eventually in their looks. 😱😳

[@MsPeppersmom]

I got discarded 2 years ago coldly. Just coming out of the fog to know it was a blessing. No longer being used.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You'll make it! You need a new normal. Dr. C

[@monicahocking1507]

I'm really sad about it though even though it's true

[@Alice-fr1ef]

It is sad but so very true. I've been married since 1972 and believe me I pray a lot. They feel real great when they get something from you or make you spend the money if they don't get it and they are very jealous all of the time not of just people but everything. They love to win friends and influence people but not you for you are never one of them. You are so right for enough is never enough Dr. Carter.

[@sandyinsc5024]

This perfectly sums up the last year or so. I knew something was off with this person, I just didn't know what it was.

[@cyndiburns7932]

Found you not long ago and am so grateful. Grew up with narc parents and many family members. So good to let go of these people without guilt. I always felt guilty before. Not letting myself get dragged in their schemes again!

[@pjpj3416]

👍

[@martytrain]

The biggest shock and pain for me was shortly after the discard, I discovered these videos on NPD and realised I had just been on a journey through a fantasy and had developed feelings for an android.None of it was real, everything was false. No contact for nearly 6 months and it still hurts but less so than in the beginning.I had opened up and became vunerable to a lie.

[@tootienottoofruitie1726]

Yeah..... The two biggest narcs in my life.. my mother and a close friend.... I did witness them just relaxing and their minds are very busy planning and scheming.

[@joltjolt5060]

They do scheme. It's intentional. Don't for a minute believe anything they say, they didn't "forget" it's all lies just to tick you off because they like that game.

[@dayslikethis82]

It’s the only thing that’s completely consistent about them… their textbook horrendous behaviour

[@patriciapresley525]

That is one of her biggest problems! The other is lying to the whole family and everybody has turned on me! My sister is evil! When we are done with our moms estate I'm done! No more contact the rest of my life! I want to to happy the rest of my life! Thank you for helping me understand her sickness!

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

Remembering how scheming they are helps a lot to fight the gaslighting. There were Def times (narc parents) when I would feel the pain of a covert attack and half wonder if I had just imagined it. But there were days when someone just needed to remind me of how they actually ARE constantly scheming and planning all sorts of sneaky or barely detectable things to hurt others. It’s so unnerving when you know you were attacked but nobody else around even sees it or would believe it. I’m finding that they are so chomping at the bit to hurt me Bcuz I’ve gone such low contact. Seems like when they finally come around after several months or weeks, they seem to pounce within moments. So idk. Might actually be time for full on no contact then. And idk also. Maybe Bcuz I’ve been hanging around better people now and so I get to where I am not so vigilant anymore and half don’t expect to be attacked anymore. And then BAM here it comes and after so long having peace they break it in one minute. I guess it’s when you finally realize that just two seconds around them a few times a year is just too much.

[@narckillaanon8567]

Q

[@TheMellsBells]

I cut off my moms side of the family a year ago and have extremely low contact with my mom. I’m still feeling pretty hyper vigilant, but relaxing as well. I just think it takes time ? I’m trying to do what you are doing, but it I continue to be triggered quickly from her, I guess I will need to remove myself completely…for a good amount of time anyway. I think we need to heal inside before we can ignore their antics.

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

@@TheMellsBells Yes for sure. I think it’s a normal reaction to the trauma we’ve had to endure. Even on a physiological level. Like the brain and how it processes memories and trauma which then directs our bodies, telling us how to feel. I think most Def. I had some NC with the step father for awhile and it helped me to at least get my bearings. I think it’s kind of like suddenly getting off of a spinning merry go round that we’ve been on for a good while. Once we get off we can feel very dizzy and sick for awhile and last thing we need is hecklers around judging us for it. It’s like they all are still riding on the merry go round and they are so used to it that it seems normal and they don’t really know what it’s like to get off and stop the ride and put their feet on the ground like we’ve just done. Just like any kid might do, we may fall down or feel dizzy or get sick from it. But we eventually stabilize and adjust. I wish I could say I’ve been such a champion and cut them all off but that hasn’t been the case. Mostly tho they had me trapped financially. Sometimes it’s all you can do to just carve out a little space and time for yourself wherever you can find a little. They don’t seem to notice someone slowly inching away as much as they notice someone abruptly running off from them all of a sudden. I don’t think I’d have been able to handle it tho if I didn’t get a few months of complete NC at the start when I was so broken and fragile. I think it’s a dual process tho. Physically getting distance is half of it. The other half of it is getting their poisons out of our systems. Seems like getting them out of our systems is more of a lengthy process than just physically leaving them in the dust. Well that got long. Lol. Plus they just already are too privy to all our intel. They know how to get to us more than anyone else does. And yah. It does seem to be rather like they are our kryptonite. Superman does really well in all cases until someone shows up with the kryptonite. I think so it goes with us. They’ll be poking at our most sensitive areas just Bcuz they can and they know exactly what those areas are for us. At first I totally had to fake it. I still was so affected but the one thing I did diff was to not allow the narcs to know when I was. It grew on me tho. At some point I really did stop caring and for the most part I became unaffected. But they still manage to get a lick in on me every once in a blue moon. Many times they’ve failed on their missions tho. I think it’s more like numbers. They’re trying all the time but it’s like some stuff will work for them just Bcuz of the simple fact that they’re always at it and odds are that it will actually succeed and hurt me from time to time. I’m not totally sure tho. I just was fortunate to eventually work my way toward better people and just being around better people helps me to compare and contrast toxic vs healthy. But seems like it’s also a two edged sword Bcuz you just get used to folks treating you better and so if you get another random attack, it’s kind of a rude awakening or a rude reminder of narcs always being ugly narcs. Best thing tho is now having better folks around me. They literally have talked me off of my ledge or kept me from drowning in some horrible emotional abyss or just have stopped me from feeling like I’m losing my mind. So their attacks tend to not get me down for a whole week or better anymore. This last time I was only down for the count for about one day. I really don’t know if we can be totally impervious to being affected but I know that we can at least reduce the number of attacks and get better at dodging any bullets and we can learn how to manage it better and reduce the impact...when they do get to us. I guess it’s rather like a muscle. We have to just work it over and over before it gets stronger. Def I think it’s easier to work the muscle on lighter things tho. Dealing with a narc is like trying to bench 500 lbs or such. Always it’s so hard and heavy with them.

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

I have a good mother but my husband's mother is a covert narcissistic. She's always the victim. Always plotting to get at me in directly. But I will not let her visit for holidays. I will not take my daughters to her house. They are not going to corner me to attack me and cut me down

[@debmccafferty1007]

I could feel my person was being sneaky. Not fully engaged.

[@sunshinestar6076]

As soon as i stopped feeding his ego, he became a different person..

[@bhhNC]

River fish also don't realize until too late that when the bait is gone, the hook is revealed ... and hurts.

[@BubbaGump777]

Chameleon's at heart, liars, controlling, manipulative, and childish, and they don't know any different...

[@moebanshee]

I get everything you're saying... Unfortunately a lot of narcissists are punishers too. This guy next door to me continues to go at me instead of.. just live and let live. You don't talk to me. I don't talk to you. We leave each other alone. He makes it a point to punish me. It's as if he's thinking in his mind he's going to keep doing petty crap to punish me until I beg him to stop (which is never going to happen). . A lot of narcissists don't discard you. They use you as their punching bag. This guy and I have nothing more in common than we share a property line. Because I'm not on his bandwagon.. That makes me his enemy. He does the most ridiculous Petty things. After a while it takes its toll. If I had the money I'd move the heartbeat but I don't. My husband died. I didn't hit the lottery. Some of these narcissists are predators. And that's when it gets scary.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes. This video addresses only one aspect among many. What you say has lots of merit. Dr. C

[@dianevanderlinden3480]

Yep the one next door is my problem as well.

[@flybyorb6858]

Am in an awful situation like this too and hoping I can move & get out of such a situation. It's awful 😟

[@diane2413]

And the narcissist will always bring every conversation back around to them, as if to say how dare you talk about anything else but me. They need to constantly be the center of attention. It doesn’t even matter how or why. Even negative attention is appealing as long as they are getting the drama and the attention.