WORST Dates for All 9 Enneagram Types

[@AbbeyHowe]

Tell us YOUR worst date story! (Don’t forget to tell us your type!)

[@artsyanne1192]

I’m a type 4, but I was able to relate to all of these to some extent. Here’s my “worst date” story: A guy I knew from high school, Mike, invited me over and said he’d cook dinner for me. When I arrived at his house, I knocked and knocked, and he wasn’t answering. I knew he was there because his truck was in the driveway. After a few minutes, I called his phone. He answered and sounded half asleep. He said he was sleeping and I woke him up. I reminded him that he invited me over and offered to cook dinner for me. He told me to just let myself in through the front door because he didn’t want to get out of bed. I got mad because I had driven an hour and a half to his house and he wouldn’t even greet me at the door. He begrudgingly got up and answered the door in ratty old pajama pants and an old T-shirt full of holes. His hair was a mess and he had really bad breath. Clearly he didn’t care about impressing me. Plus his house smelled like the monkey house at the zoo and he had a waist-high pile of dirty clothes on the floor. He didn’t have dinner ready, but he said he’d throw together something that would only take a few minutes. I should’ve left immediately, but being young and naive, I stayed and ate with him. He poured himself a drink, but didn’t even ask me if I wanted anything to drink. After dinner, he told me that he had to get some sleep before work and that I could see myself out. Then he went back to bed. Needless to say, that was our last date.

[@kbbooks2895]

Tip for dating a type 4: if you *are* doing dinner and a movie, do movie first, then dinner, so we can talk about/analyze/criticize the movie over dinner.

[@Pickles-w2f]

Enneagram as mums 1. Responsible mum 2. Likeable mum 3. Cool mum 4. Emotional mum 5. Smart mum 6. Supportive mum 7. Fun mum 8. Strong mum 9. Calm mum

[@ashleymiller1913]

Woah Abbey. Is this not a video yet!?

[@EmberInk]

COULD NOT have been more accurate for me, a Type Eight 😂 To some people, white lies or little inaccuracies might not even register, but for me, they're a giant red flag. I need the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth lol

[@LilacSnowBun]

Same, omg. And I immediately start making mental notes of the inaccuracies. (I’m not type 8 but I scored pretty high in it)

[@zeal2645]

This is why I don't ship type 8's with 9's like everyone else does 🤣 -type 9 (who would 100% white lie to avoid conflict)

[@-randomuser-4897]

How about white lies on short termed events, that have 0 other bad consequences than lying and keeping something for myself ? For example, how i'm feeling on a bad day, when the person i'm talking to needs emotional support. Are those still bad if the consequences are better ?

[@EmberInk]

@@-randomuser-4897 Yes.

[@grooshenka]

@-randomuser-4897 Resounding yes.

[@kbbooks2895]

I’m married to a 6, and that in-the-car meltdown is spot on, lol. And, god help me, I once threw him a surprise party and he still hasn’t forgiven me for it!

[@umapessoa5343]

Type 5 here. Not dating bc never had enough energy, not only for the first date, but having the obligation to see and be the support to other ppl, having to be available to them and having to deal with my family/friends asking and talking about it. So tiring, I can't. Being in the same place doing the same things are fine tho, like in class, studing together, playing, ... even going to church. I prefer having a crush in places I frequent but never taking the next step. Maybe it'll help someone who wants to date a 5

[@anniehindley2866]

As a type 1, I completely agree with this, but not just for the reason that it has to be quote-on-quote "perfect" but because the other person WANTS it to be perfect for you. It shows that this person has really taken the time to show they value you and understand the way you think, wanting to make the night "perfect" for you, to give you the most amazing time, which for a type one is everything to be just so. We also have very high standards for ourselves, e want to have the perfect life, which leads us to having high standards for our partner, so we want everything to be just as we envisioned it! xx

[@cameronvalentine6207]

As a 9 myself, I can agree about the server stuff but I don't think it would effect me much more than it would the other types. I would feel perfectly comfortable confronting the other person about how they treated the server and going our separate ways after I we ate. Because this person is new to my life, the fear of changing my relationship with them just isn't there, though I can definitely see how this might be overwhelming for other 9s.

[@AbbeyHowe]

I love hearing your perspective. Thanks for sharing, Cameron!

[@nadiner8070]

Ohhhh..this is super cringey for me as a 9...

[@marishaten7399]

I'm not a 9 (I think) but the rudeness would definitely put me off. But I wouldn't confront. I'd simply wolf down the food and leave and ghost them. Not the healthiest response but 😅

[@benjaminfast5496]

As a 9, I'm actually fine with someone informing their server if their food is made wrong or whatever the situation is (I even do that because I'm a picky eater), but it's the way it's said. If someone acted like the date in this video, I would tense up and not know what to say. I'm also terrible at excusing myself from uncomfortable situations so I would sit through the entire date and then wish them a good night and then send them a text later saying "I appreciate the date but I don't think we're a good match" or something along those lines. I haven't been on many dates because I clam up before I actually ask a girl out. But any of the somewhat worse ones really are when I'm having to drive the conversation and they aren't asking me questions and trying to get to know me. Also when the conversation feels forced. Or when I pay for the meal and they don't say thank you. You know, general stuff like that. I think the worst part of it all though is when I have to tell them I'm not interested in seeing them for another date. Extreme anxiety!

[@AbbeyHowe]

That's such a difficult part of dating!

[@shermainewsj]

I'M 5 and first dates are often a nightmare for me. All the superficial conversations or even just having the other party brag about his life.... i can't deal. Once went out with another 5 to a cafe and we only spoke for less than 30min while being there for an hour. Two type 5s idling, draining each other's energy and wasting a whole morning🤡

[@AbbeyHowe]

omggggg

[@millball]

I a 5w4 male went on date with 8. She said "talk to me". Lol

[@shermainewsj]

@@millballI'm a 5w4 with a high 8😂😂 but i still can't handle small talks with strangers too help

[@Salouis91]

Just curious, are you the type of person who would then just prefer to skip the smalltalk and talk about deeper things, even on a first date? I feel like I know people who have warmed up to me if I switched from smalltalk to deeper stuff (am a type 4), and I'm suspecting they might be 5s.

[@Cassie-vv8cy]

lol! Type 5 here! For me it goes beyond dating. Sometimes it can be get togethers with friends that is energetically draining. If the conversation is superficial, I’m out ✌🏻

[@alissandracoffey4692]

As a Type 6 subtype Social, if someone were to say that we were going on a "sporadic date," my first thought would be all the scenarios I have watched on Dateline. This person could be a psycho killer, I could end up in a back alley, etc. You definetely hit the worst date exactly. I also identified with the Type 9 worst date scenario. Dates who have treat people who work like dirt, really stir my ire and make me want to take a prompt exit not to mention how I could school the offender for hours on end. Thank you for this video :)

[@brandonbreaux1296]

I’m a 2, and that skit was a little too familiar for me. I’ve been ghosted many MANY times and I never knew why. You know an even worse example of a bad date that a 2 can go on though? I’ve been through more of these so I wonder if anyone else can relate. When you go on a date, and you’re so happy to have some company that you’re practically euphoric. Then one of two things happens after opening yourself up and sharing something important to you (such as a personal value or beliefs): either what you say is ignored or rather deemed a joke or a phase by the other person, so you have to sit there knowing you’ll have to say there won’t likely be another date and pray nothing gets worse, or you go on a few dates with someone and feel like you’re liking them more until you realize that they’re losing interest in you because you aren’t meeting any of their expectations. It wouldn’t be so bad if the reasons they give for not wanting you anymore is the same values they said they liked you for at the start. Is this a problem for other 2’s (especially male 2’s) or is it just me? I’d like to imagine I’m at least an average 2. I’m aware that I’m not perfect and neither is anyone else, but I can’t help but wonder how something like this can happen so often.

[@vivien7586]

I relate to that, cause it is my biggest problem as an infj 4sc 2sx, the only relaionship that worked was with enfj and man... it was like being on drugs 😅 maybe you should focus just on caring and honest people, cause even if your relationship ends, you are not mad at her, she was trying and you know it and this is the only case for me when i took it easy, better to stay alone than to suffer for nothing, good luck

[@StephanieJeanne]

Haha! Those were hilarious! The last one with the miss-matched shoes! 💀 Well, as a 4, I do like an imaginative date, but even if it's "dinner and a movie" it can be done with imagination, like maybe a classic movie at a movie house or a special out-of-the-way restaurant that has some charm, ambiance, quality cuisine, and maybe a piano bar. 😁 Great job, Abbey! 😂

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thanks Stephanie!

[@messinalyle4030]

As a sp sx 459, I suspect that I am less of a craver of adventure than the stereotypical type Four. My 9 fix means I like comfort and my sp subtype and 5 fix means I get drained easily. I'd be perfectly fine with dinner and a movie, as long as I enjoyed the movie and the person's company.

[@LauraHernandezUCL]

@@messinalyle4030 omg I’m exactly the same!!! Also 459

[@messinalyle4030]

@@LauraHernandezUCL Yeah, the so-called "originality" of the format of the date wouldn't matter to me so much as whether we could both be authentic and open to each other in our relationship.

[@elliemuica889]

Wow you seriously nailed it RIGHT ON for enneagram 4!! My worst date EVER was with a guy who suggested we go to dinner and a movie. The restaurant was a chain restaurant and the movie was the one EVERYONE was raving about. Needless to say, there was no second date... (Plus the food was bland and the movie was subpar at best). If there's no originality then there's no chance of it ever working out with a 4 🤣

[@tendopain3633]

5w4 here. Absolutely HATE small talk ESPECIALLY in person!! We did the small talk through text to feel each other out. Ok. Cool. Done. So, usually I'll try to steer the conversation in the direction it was headed throughout our last texts. If it gets blown off or changed for a small talk piece. I start withdrawing into myself and think "ok, as long as it doesn't get too weird. Imma just get through this." But.. sometimes can be pleasantly surprised that we either keep going with the conversation presented or expand.. or the line that tickles my soul from them "I was actually thinking a lot about that and..." If we expand on it.. yum... Here we go. 😅😁

[@brittneygoen258]

As a type 9, I cried when my boyfriend told the waiter they got my order wrong. It was a rough date lol

[@margaretjudice8944]

I am rewatching! This was too funny! My worst date was when I was with a boyfriend and he pulled a knife on me. I'm ok about it now. I was a young adult when that happened.

[@Meg_intheclouds]

Idk why but you give me Lorelei Gilmore vibes. Still trying to work out if I’m a 6w7 or an 7w6 but somehow relate to both of them at the same time. Like I do not want a boring date, but I also need to know what the plan is in advanced for a first date. UNTIL I get very comfortable with them and we build that trust and then I trust myself and them to have random dates. OR if I’m the one leading/planning. The only date I’ve ever been on with a girl was a walk around our town I ended up falling over twice trying to find a “geocache” (my idea) she said she didn’t mind what we did and asked me to lead the way- which was a mistake because despite living here for 16 years I still have no idea where anything is.

[@damlakacmaz8743]

Lol, as a enneagram 8 i had very hard time getting along with enneagram 5's and now i understand why. I tend to talk about superficial stuff till i feel everything is okay & other party don't hates me. Aand 5's just ghost me. I thought they really dislike me. Turns out superficial talk drains their energy... interesting

[@ellsebells1]

6 - I could do a purposeless, driving around date IF I felt safe with him (socially as well as physically)... Like I know sitting in a car for a few hours would be fun and not awkward

[@crownandcountryside]

Type 9 here... so true. Live with bad service in the moment, but don't go back. 😅

[@elphieofkiamoko]

Abbey: Bad dates! We've all had them! Me, who's never been asked out: ....ok 😅 (I'm a 4w5, but I don't think that makes a difference in this case 🤣)

[@AMoniqueOcampo]

My worst date: getting in an argument with a narcissist who had no sense of direction. I haven't been on a date with anyone else since. Nice that Jon helped out with this video! Also, LOVE that jacket for the Type 4 bit!

[@nonprofitlady6932]

I love that jacket too!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Jon was a champ!!

[@Bolshechemty]

Getting on a date with 7s must be a trip

[@henryrupert1288]

I am a six, I haven't been on very many bad dates but I have a type seven friend that wanted to do a double date where I asked a girl and he asked one, when I called him like three days before the time we had planned asking him what he wanted to do, he simply responded that he thought it would be fun to drive around town doing whatever came to mind. That STRESSED ME OUT! I ended up planning it without him (which he was fine with), it still was really fun! And you nailed sixes on this one! : )

[@lizgeedee3319]

Abby you are the type that organizes her books by color!

[@patriciasingh5118]

5: absolutely true about worrying that I won't have enough inner resources to get through the date. I think my biggest fear is that I'll be super boring to the other party, just because I'm horrible at surface-level talk and I don't know what to say or questions to ask to get to know them. The first date I went on with a girl, I just stood there while we were waiting for our burgers because I had no clue on what to say after the typical "what do you study? where are you from? etc." questions. I could tell she was getting uncomfortable and was probably thinking that this was the worst date in her entire life, but I was so in-my-head and struggling to think of what else to ask next. I wish I could go back and redo that moment, but I guess it's a learning experience

[@damlakacmaz8743]

You are cute as you are, so just don't run away... nobody knows perfect stuff to do, and your date shouldn't judge you for that

[@KendrixTermina]

Lack of worthwhile conversation is bad, but signs of potential clingyness ("Why aren't you texting back?") are far worse. Though I tend to eliminate those two categories at the text message stage before a physical meeting even occurs.

[@1989sfh]

Type 2 - So accurate! It made me cry!

[@ArcaneGinger]

Same :( darn those ghosters and really late show up folks.

[@tyleremery7088]

Ironically, as a 9 it's nice to have someone willing to send food back for me but painful to have someone constantly sending their own food back.

[@48jskp95]

Four wing three here and you were SO spot on I dated an enneagram 9 and we really struggled because he wanted to watch a movie at home and I wanted to experience something rare and beautiful that no one else was experiencing

[@sia2441]

You should do a division with type 6, the phobic and contra phobic. Yes, both are looking for security, but I know people who is a contra and never relate to the 6s things, bc all are about the phobics ones. Example, one of that 6 contra phobic prefer to make the plan before someone else, she take control before someone else take it, she like do many things, take risks, her subtype is sexual so is more reactive, but in every plan she have to be with someone she knows, (that it's the same person, and she doesn't want to leave him), she is the one who attack someone after other attack her. In how I see, the 6 contra are more reactive, and in many cases they can be assertive, they affirm a lot their power to feel security.

[@thadnorris]

I love that your husband is in this video!!

[@lifeoflee09]

as a type 1, its funny bc that date sounds like every date my husband plans lol!

[@xd-lj5pu]

im a 9.. yes. I would hate to know that the person i’m dating is rude to a staff but also in general

[@carolinethompson376]

I'm a 9w1. I like authenticity and interesting conversation and to have a good time. I don't like being ignored or interrupted, or pressured in any way. I doubt that I'd get along well with a type 1 date, probably because I knew a type 1 who made me feel like I'd never quite measure up to what is expected. There have been times when I've felt like I needed some plausible escape plan, which doesn't sound rude!

[@mlek1313]

I agree, especially about not wanting to feel pressured. I don't like being asked too many questions or being pressured to talk about myself or feeling like I'm being put on the spot. Light and interesting conversation sounds much better. I know a lot of people are down on small talk, but I don't mind it since it's easy and low pressure.

[@itsgaylebitxh]

Type 6: Any surprise is a whole nope. I like details and information/ Knowing things is relaxing.

[@fudgesolo6352]

7:12 NO The second she said, "He's a little late" I felt such a familiar pain deep in my soul🥲 This didn't need to be so accurate💀

[@kytesandfaeries]

Same 😭

[@stairwayscare5205]

As a 5w4, I'll have a bit of what the 7 is not having....

[@DariusLong]

Great Video Abbey! I'm a 9w1, and the 8 Made me laugh the most. "... as small as your height, Which is small, what else are you lying about" 🤣 I also wanted to swoop in and take the type 2 out, if their date no showed, lol

[@zeal2645]

Same ! I'd love nothing more than to date a type 2 😊❤️🙏 -9w1

[@K-lil21]

Yesss Yebba with the return!! But poor Yebba was getting exposed. Sorry Yebba I feel for you.

[@bethanythatsme]

These are so fun and your insta reels have been fantastic... if I ever go on another date again, it better not be boring & I'll need some stimulating convo... this 4w5 isn't high maintenance at all 🤓🥴

[@FaithParker1221]

Thanks!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thank you!!!

[@MusicandVG]

Type 6 acting scene is so accurate

[@marishaten7399]

My worst date? On my freaking birthday! My ex took me to his place where his sis was getting ready for a wedding. I helped her with dress and make up and we drove her to the venue, which was in the middle of nowhere, and then we came back. Jerk had NOTHING planned for my birthday! I was pissed! I may be a 5 or a 1, still confused. But there's no confusion that that was my worst date.

[@MoyaMorrisEnneagram]

Brilliant video Abbey. I will share to Facebook.

[@Wulfex]

OH man, 9s are on the nose. If a waiter/waitress messes up my order, my partner of 6 years knows that I will just eat it. Sometimes, that varies, especially if I was looking forward to something specific! My 6 will just casually get the staff's attention and give me a window to address it. I'll have to show her the type 6 when she gets home! She will look up restaurants WAY before we go to our vacation destination and figure out what she wants to eat. And I have witness the waterfall of emotions if she has to skip one because she's not feeling like eating that much food, or there's just too much of a crowd for either of us to bother waiting. That's where I have to swoop in and go look, there's a cute little Korean BBQ place, how about that instead? And they'll go along with me and have a good time! It works out!

[@AbbeyHowe]

thanks for sharing!!

[@GreenThumbedAndTraveledFeet]

As a 7, can confirm, turtles would be cool.

[@cortneymatz]

ADORABLE

[@gracie_5]

Very brave to think all people like or do dates

[@BeckyPhelps]

Type 2, yep.

[@yasminnur7404]

Video Idea - the enneagram types go camping for a day, the enneagram types go to therapy for a day!!

[@margaretjudice8944]

Great video! Too funny!

[@jasminreyes1278]

I'm still not sure what my type is, but I think the worst date for me would be one where my date is really pushy and/or rude. Even if they were rude to someone else and not me. I would probably try to leave ASAP.

[@monaivalentin5607]

OMG!!! I'm a type 4 and LITERALLY I always say how much I loathe the whole "dinner and movie" cliche. like if you have 0 imagination and 0 effort then you have 0 of me. 😑 lol but this truly made me laugh because that was 100% accurate. for me at least. lol thank you for that 🙏🏼😂❤

[@donnarowe8618]

I'm beginning to think my husband is a type 1. Your T1 sounds just like him. 🤣

[@blurph412]

oh my word the accuracy of 9!! I hate rudeness towards waiters. so bad.

[@the_real_littlepinkhousefly]

My son is a Five. He's 28. I'm afraid he'll never get married and give me grandchildren. (Although, as a Six, having grandchildren to worry about sounds really, really scary...) My own worst date was more like a Nine's worst date. My long-time (at the time) boyfriend made the world's biggest scene at a restaurant because the steak house where we were eating didn't have A1 sauce, plus he sent the steak back three times because it wasn't perfect. It was the most mortifying thing. I should have just walked on him right then. He was a narcissist and an emotional abuser, but it took another year or so before I woke up and went, "Oh, geez, I deserve better than this." (A few years later I met my husband, and so things definitely got better!)

[@michaelmattson4780]

Haven't watched your videos in a while Abbey. Is type 5 the type where someone is a quiet person naturally and just isn't good with coming up with things to say? Although I'm a more quiet person, I value those who are willing to talk

[@KendrixTermina]

Also, the 9s really know how to avoid getting cursed by fairies

[@thecryptoshed6525]

I knew he wasn't the one when I was stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire on my way to meet my boyfriend and he complained about coming to help me. I'm a 6 - if nothing else I'll be your loyal friend who helps you when you need it! My 8 husband will be here no matter what without complaint if I truly need him.

[@thecryptoshed6525]

I wish my date was planned but my 7 wing is ok with surprises sometimes.

[@ashlondajacobsgrzyb8048]

I automatically know how the person is based on how they treat their server #peacemaker also…is it me or did you hear Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz in the E7 Clip 😂

[@KindHarmony]

E3. My worst date? Oh...get ready. The guy began the conversation with religion...he was a brand new born again Christian. I told him I was also a Christian and which denomination I belong to. His reply? "Well, as long as you belong to a denomination, you are going to burn in hell, unless you become BORN AGAIN!" Nice, huh? Needless to say, I cut the date quite short.

[@xxcolinaterxx2867]

Yeah of all the ones I think either type 9s or 2s worst dates are the worst IMO. Sending food back is one thing but it would be really awkward to be with someone who is rude to the staff it’s like just be kind to people idk plus I almost feel responsible lol also yeah getting stood up ain’t fun either. The others are not ideal but not the worst either IMO. Not really sure which enneagram I really am kinda relate to more than one( relate to 9 as I avoid conflict at all cost and 7s cause Im hedonistic af) but probably a 4 it seems like.

[@laerrus]

Lady Eight here. My worst date was with a ex military guy. We went to a falafel place and he said I should be lucky to get a date with him because in the past he wouldn't go out with "someone like me". Then, he made a rape joke and I called him out and he was like "oh its normal to joke like this with my brothers in the military" and I was like "Uh well you must be blind because this isn't the military, its a falafel shop and I'm obviously not your brother and they aren't your brothers either. Just say they're your shitty misogynistic friends!" And I stormed out and left.

[@meganmckenzie6188]

Oh my goodness. I'm a type 3 and that was spot on. 😂 Fast food and inviting friends to tag along is my worst nightmare. As a type 3 college student with a boyfriend, it is definitely hard for him to plan our dates 😂 As a 3 on dates, I want to feel special, so effort and good planning on dates makes me feel valued and loved!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Absolutely! This fellow 3 totally gets it

[@akpenguin1859]

Not a JLo movie 😂 💀

[@ambica.n3476]

I'm an enneagram 9,it defenely disappoints me when the oth person doesn't ask any questions about me..and they feel soo happy talking about themselves all day...😅...not even a "wau?"..sheesh!😂😂n i admit that i feel uncomfortable talking about myself unless they ask me...😝

[@izy2302]

This better count for married couple dates

[@AbbeyHowe]

hahaha any dates I think

[@pointerdogmarketing2197]

Do 9s feel like they have small batteries too, or is that just 5s?

[@KendrixTermina]

to some extent its an introvert thing, its just more pronounced with 5s. 9s tend to be introverted and as one of the more kinesthetically focused types pretty sensitive to physical discomfort, especially sp 9s.

[@pointerdogmarketing2197]

@@KendrixTermina At past jobs where I constantly had to worry about secret enemies who would undermine me--especially deceptively friendly co-workers who liked to sabotage me behind my back (I even managed to catch a few) and when I lived with a very abusive step-father who would beat me every day--I was kind of 6ish. Now that I've lived on my own 4 years and and have had a stable job 4 years...I just want to stay home a lot, lay in bed a long time, take long baths, and I kind of sleepwalk through life now, not really feeling excited by anything and not having a lot of energy. Now that there are less threats in my environment, I'm a lot more passive and easygoing, but also not really at peace.

[@pointerdogmarketing2197]

@@KendrixTermina Could you tell me more about the Sp 9 vs other kinds of 9?

[@mlek1313]

I always relate to the withdrawn/introverted characteristics of 5s in enneagram sketches, even though I think I'm ultimately a 9.

[@alyssamitchell8191]

Hilarious as always. I disagree though-this 7 loves museums and especially taking people who don’t always go! They require a viewer slow down and be in the moment of the work. (I’m biased because my background is media, arts and education.) Meanwhile my worst dates were at exciting news laces but my date spent the entire time talking at me instead of talking to me or were just completely boring even if they tried to engage me in conversation.

[@CrankyPants_W]

YES!!!