ACOA Founder (ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS), "Dr. Jan" Woititz

Beloved ACOA Founder "Dr. Jan" (Dr. Janet Woititz) and author of the NY Times Best Sellers "Adult Children of Alcoholics" and "Struggle For Intimacy" in one of her original EPIC videos. RIP Dr. Jan!!!

[@tomdurler6730]

Most of my adult life, I never knew there was anything like an ACOA syndrome. I am almost 60 years old now. This this lady was amazing and spot on. I am a ACOA. I can relate to everything she said about ACOA's in her talk. The part about not having a data base to draw back to was so true for me because I also was half deaf and missing bits and pieces of information anyway in my childhood . My father eventually found sobriety. I thought then that all was solved and life would move on Back then in late 60's early 70's times were different. I saw life as just trying to get through it, not about living it. I have had good life, but never married because the idea of doing so I dreaded when young. I missed out on having a wife, children, and grandchildren of my own This saddens me know. Now I just try to be best person I can be

[@kristina7901]

Never to late to meet someone. She could have kids and grandkids. Live your best life. ❤

[@tomdurler6730]

@kristina7901 Yes I am still working to find a gal. Today is my dad's AA birthday. He's been gone close to 13 years. He quit drinking for good 49 years ago in 1974.

[@jacqueslee2592]

The reason is because tobacco and alcohol corporations lobby not to have this research and studies conducted. Sexual, physical abuse are accompanied by these home environments. Not only this is a problem, but becomes a social problem as they grow up into unhealthy and mentally and socially unhealthy individuals. In addition, they do not mention the characteristics of physical, mental, and reproductive illnesses and deformities caused by being born to alcoholics and an alcoholic environment. Social deviants with criminal tendencies in the majority lived in this sort of environments and were raised by alcoholics.

[@KoolT]

People who grow up in alcoholism often feel they are leaving mothers and siblings behind. We are codependent helpers until we get well. And PTSD HOMES.

[@internationalentertainment6906]

❤ TRUTH HURTS DOESN'T IT??❤ BUT TRUTH SETS YOU FREE ❤❤❤❤ TE AMO 🥀✨🌈😎🎼🎧🎶🔥😎🔥🎧😎🎼🙌💯

[@w.urlitzer1869]

I had to leave a few siblings behind to save my life, they remain active alcoholics and are aggressive.

[@Runningwritingreading]

29:30 "There is simply no advantage as a child of an alcoholic to tell the truth", this is another I've struggled with. As an adult I often feel compelled to act like I know something I don't because that was my childhood environment. Learning to be ok saying "I don't know - let's find out together" has been a long process

[@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113]

Thank you for sharing this insight. The process of becoming free to express ourselves honestly can be a long one, but worth the growing pains. The freedom to be authentic and open about what we know and what we don't know gives others the space to do the same and gives us the opportunity to learn from those who do know. Best, Lisa Woititz

[@ccatdaddy64]

Now I understand where "gaslighting" at least in this perspective comes from. I thought it was simply a tactic of a manipulative narcissist, and it can be, but it may also be for the reasons she stated. I know I used to do that and wonder "why did I just say that?".

[@sweetstephylu]

10:28 “Adult Children do not have a sense of process “ WOW 🥺🆗 this statement is powerful in that it sums up my lifetimes ideas (60 plus years) of ALL the brilliance left dormant due to my own “no sense of process. Time has come to stop beating my self up over what I could not control Thank you Dr Jan ( may your memory be Eternal+++) and Lisa

[@mjremy2605]

What an interesting and well informed scholar and therapist. You can see the difference right away between a credentialed therapist and a glib peddler of psycho-babble. So many of them on KZbin with their feel good videos and upsell of merch. Here at last is quality content, authentic and informative. I learned a lot. Thank you for posting. Dr. Janet Woititz died so young at age 55 of cancer in 1994. Such a radiant personality.

[@Halff_elf]

Huge loss

[@stefanemanuelsson2201]

I'm 10 minutes in. Want to savour this video, do it piece by piece because this is THE most insightful information i've ever had. I've been to a therapist for year, didn't do much good. Now i know why. I always felt there was something profoundly wrong with me since the therapy did not work. Played along with the therapist so it wouldn't be too awkward. Sometimes she said that i had made great progress because of this and this, but i knew that it was just a play. Still i stayed for years. What a waste of time and money

[@triciastewart5529]

Nearly didnt watch this as it is so old but very glad i did. The acoa has to guess what 'normal' is. For me, the bit about the missing 'data' was so true. For years i railed about poor managers but it wasnt until about 4 years into being a manager myself that i realised there was no point in complaining about anything unless i knew how it should be done. My company, beratedly is finally expanding. I didnt know why i was always late. It never occurred to me to work out how long it took me to get ready, travel etc. But more importantly, i hadnt realised that i was - unconsciously- re-creating the chaos that i was brought up in. Many thanks for keeping this old video available.

[@MJ4lifecalifornia]

You get the best info from old videos

[@Runningwritingreading]

What she said at 8:00 about making something up to please the therapist broke me, I've been doing that my whole life. Thank you for uploading this, I wanna get better I just don't know how yet.

[@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113]

Thank you, Kevin! Often we don't realize that we try to give the "right" answers instead of what is the right answer for us. Recognizing this old habit is a great step toward change. Keep going! Best, Lisa Woititz

[@brahmsian118]

Lucid and compassionate...how lovely

[@dewittdavenport3775]

Both of my parents have been dead for a long time, but often still get new insights about how extensive the inversion of the parent-child relationship was. They told some real whoppers of lies as well as throwing way more tantrums than I ever did. I read her book many years ago and I think of it and her often. Thank you for these posting these lectures.

[@rodrigoalmanza66]

I was stuck in AA's Steps 6&7 for almost 3 years until I went to the Adults Children of Alcoholic group. Game changes, my childhood. Today I have been sober for ten years, thank you.

[@muzduza44]

6 and 7..i am learning im not humbled if i am still shockef,angry,or discouraged about my short comings and reemerged defects.its hard to trust acceptance.that its o.k. to admit this is apart of me.i want a vendor machine God that will gimmie and take away...

[@rodrigoalmanza66]

@@muzduza44: God help those who help themselves first. You have to do the action bro. Humble is the opposite of the Ego.

[@meganeire]

Feeling a lot less alone. Down to the detail ❤

[@michaelbecht7556]

When you see it you cannot unsee it. And EVERYTHING makes sense to you. And Thank god for this lady.

[@92annamaria]

Wow this is the best thing I ever seen in my life. I am 30. Thank you so much I really needed it.

[@Success4u247]

Thanks Lisa. You mother was a trail blazers. And I am standing tall on the shoulders of giant’s. I have shared this with a few hundred people on our what’s group

[@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113]

Thank you for your kind words and THANK YOU for sharing the video. The more people who get to see it, the more folks we can help. What would you like to hear more about, JC?

[@Success4u247]

@@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113 Most of the ACOA groups have become place’s where Adults children are being controlled by older members or old timers. Could you please talking about control/ my mother was the contractor and my father the drinker , my mother tried to control him and he always reacted by drinking more and more, the endless cycle. Just like shame I think control is underestimated as been very destructive. Especially in group settings. I have witnessed old times us the AA traditions to humiliate others in the group in order to stay in control. I am a recovering contractor and moved away from AcOA groups in 2004 . But 2 years ago I arrived back after receiving a text message out of the blue. I have always listened to what nature was pointing me towards and what I found I American AcOA disturbed me . So I set up Limerick AcOA two years ago. And now I attend just as a member and am working on my controlling and have been discussing this with close friends and I am amazed what I am discovering. I am also a storyteller as you can see😂😂🇮🇪We have a saying in Ireland. Madness doesn’t run in my family, it Gallops

[@gunjanagarwal5825]

There's so many things I can relate with this , although I have no one in my family with alcoholism but somehow belong to dysfunctional family and I am a recovering addict belong to fellowship of NA and clean for 40 months .

[@Runningwritingreading]

Thank you and your mother. My uncle told me about this group at 18 and now I am 25 and need it. Thank you so much.

[@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113]

I'm glad that you have found a helpful group and that you will get what you need to be able to move forward. Best, Lisa Woititz

[@lisaaromano1]

Wonderful trailblazer!!!

[@kdpunshon3073]

The world lost a great woman far too young!! I laughed and cried throughout this tremendous presentation. I need to go back to this work as its a life long struggle. Thank you Lisa.

[@terryrustad1800]

Dr. Jan was, is and always will be 💯% Incredible..... Exceedingly Excellent .. Thank You! 🌟

[@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113]

Thank you as always, Terry. I'm so glad to be able to format this and post it here.

[@internationalentertainment6906]

I AGREE 💯💯💯👍🎶🔥🎧😎🎼🙌🌈🎶🔥🎧🥀✨😇🙏💋💋💖💖💌💖💋💘💘💘🌈🌈🌈🎶🔥😎🎼🙌

[@abmrose]

I feel like this woman understands everything about me. I’ve never felt so accepted and acceptable. Thank you for sharing your mother’s legacy… ❤

[@johnmccaffrey5942]

This is great. I bought Jan’s book years ago when I was at an early stage of “my journey”. It was excellent but I didn’t know there was any footage of her speaking. What a wonderful, insightful, humane person Jan was. Thank you

[@kimhayes3828]

I'm so sorry you and the world lost your mom when she was so young. This was an excellent talk -so full of insights- and I look forward to hearing others and relistening to this one.

[@ayg2199]

this is great to listen to and i think it would have been very useful to me 15 years ago. fortunately i’ve been able to deal with these issues on my own. a lonely journey for sure but my childhood is a funny experience to me now and both my personal and professional lives are a success.

[@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for your message of Hope. It is very important for people to know that healing is possible and that we can go on to live happy and productive lives. Thank you, again! Best, Lisa

[@drippymike5911]

Thank you for leaving this up. God bless

[@billiegates853]

What a brilliant educational tool dont make them like this nowadays this channels gained a subscription for posting this ❤

[@KissTheFuture]

Lisa, thankyou so much for posting this!

[@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113]

You are most welcome .

[@kimlec3592]

Such harm wrought by the idea of drinking as disease thinking. Excusing & ignoring harm done by drinkers. Victimising survivors by labelling them further as "co-dependent". Stupid stupid harmful ideas.

[@annedrewandrew]

33:27 (For anyone wondering where your comment is coming from. I wasn't sure at first whether you were opposing or in agreement with something she said.)

[@joejackson6453]

Thank you so much really informative 🙏🏽

[@carnivoreisbetter]

Amazing is there any more footage that can be shared she really is a wonderful speaker

[@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113]

Hi SD, yes, I will be on regularly and sharing as much content as I am able. Please Subscribe so you'll be notified when I come on. I appreciate your encouragement. ( : Lisa

[@nihaofamily]

wow... ahead of her time

[@msblizz11]

This was wonderful Thanks for sharing!

[@user-os5xj7ce4k]

My mom drank when she was pregnant with me...who knows if I had fetal alcohol syndrome or not. But I do have chronic allergies and Asperger Phenotype

[@anj464]

Hi Dr Lisa, just want to say thank you for uploading this and thank you to your mom in heaven, changing lives still. I'm going to get around to reading the book when I feel up to it. Thank you again

[@Success4u247]

I had zero esteem

[@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113]

Dr. Jan's earliest dissertation was called "Self Esteem and Children of Alcoholics" -- I hope to locate it and share it in the coming months. Thank you for sharing, JC. I hope you'll be back. Lisa

[@user-os5xj7ce4k]

My sister had the eating disorder but I think it is more because my mom was a alcoholic narcissist that berated her for any weight gain

[@thezzach]

I didn’t get access to the toolbox with the tools on how to be a happy adult. 5:20 ACA-naive therapists make us WORSE 16:00 You do not have to pretend to be like everyone else. ❤️🤩 23:00 Double messages

[@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113]

Thank you for posting those time stamps, Zach! Best, Lisa

[@daddycubjudah]

So Special! I've had her book for many years and this was the year that I decided to read it and start making some courageous choices in my life. So grateful for her wisdom and thank you immensely for sharing. Am I correct that Janet is your mom?

[@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113]

Thank you, Steven. Yes, Dr. Jan was my Mom. She passed away from cancer in 1994 at age 55 and I am doing my best to keep her work alive. I hope you'll come back again, Steven. What would you like to hear more about? Best, Lisa

[@daddycubjudah]

@@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113 Personally, Im finding that my biggest struggle is believing that healing is a process that builds on itself. I feel the inconsistency of my early childhood and never knowing that a good night could continue into a good morning. I feel the anxiety of having to start over every day.

[@goofyboots4828]

This is so underrated, great video!

[@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113]

I'm so glad you enjoyed it -- please come back for ongoing (free) content! Best, Lisa Woititz

[@Dave183]

I always have trouble with double booked appt's. That story tells my story...

[@puedeone]

This is amazing

[@CokeClassic-dq6uz]

I didn't laugh at all when the others did until the very end, that part was funny because it was sane.

[@thezzach]

23:30 I love you. Go away. 24:00 This is how we fail in love. 29:00 The lies 🥲. The positive intent that never gets followed up on. I became a good liar. My Dad LIED to me my whole life 31:00 I learned how NOT to want 31:55 Mixed messages -everything’s ok -parent is STRESSED 34:00 I learned to suppress my feelings…leads to shame! 35:00 The terrible remorse after doing something that doesn’t reflect who I think I am and want to be. 41:40 APPRECIATION. “Boy, am I impressed that… 42:00 😭😭😭 43:40 How to rebuild my self-esteem 👉👉👉Give myself credit for all I survived! God I love this woman!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 52:20 These were the only responses he knew. 🙁😳 These can be taught in ACA. 🥳🥳🥳 54:45 Breaking and releasing the shame. Addressing each of my inner children directly. 56:40 I make assumptions

[@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113]

Thank you for sharing and for your support. Together We Can Do What We Cannot Do Alone.

[@lindachen5179]

💝

[@KoolT]

30:00 exactly. She describes exactly the way I thought and acted. Exactly. I don't think it's a disease when they start but it sure damages the brain.

[@Michael-NZ]

So easy to take the hum out of this...

[@magdap28]

Or, I am with your father for you. So, you have the house, the land .....

[@user-os5xj7ce4k]

I have to wonder if my mos drinking with all 3 of us caused Aspergers

[@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113]

Thank you for sharing. If you learn anything about a connection please let us know. ( :

[@KoolT]

7:30 what do you think?

[@62orbetter33]

how can i find a Zoom meeting of ACA's?

[@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113]

Thank you for your question. As I do not recommend or endorse ACA meetings, I am not able to recommend one. I hope to offer more content here and on other social media channels ongoing, including lives. Hope to see more of you. Best, Lisa Woititz

[@-Locomotive_Breath]

@@miaharrod because the claim that her mother "founded" ACOA is simply not true and I will venture to say that this is just a profiteering attempt to affiliate her mother and now herself with ACOA which was actually founded in NYC in 1977.

[@Halff_elf]

​@@acoafoundersdr.janlisawoit2113 why don't you recommend ACA meetings? Or do you just not recommend any specific ones? Am going to listen to this again. Sorry for your early loss of your mother! What a huge loss!😢

[@internationalentertainment6906]

THANK YOU DR. I READ ALL YOUR BOOKS... ESPECIALLY (** STRUGGLE FOR INTIMACY**) I CREATED IN COLLEGE A ACA SUPPORT GROUP WITH MY PSYCHOLOGY PROFESSOR, A KNOWLEDGEABLE PROFESSIONAL WHO WAS A CLOSE GAY MAN FRIEND 🎶✨🎧💖💯 WE USED YOUR BOOKS ON ADULT CHILDREN 😭😭😭 OF ALCOHOLICS/ADDICTS.... TE AMO FOR YOUR BOOKS I'VE READ... & LEARNED FROM (#32 YEARS AGO**) MY RECOVERY IS WHAT IT IS BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU , AND FATHER MARTIN, MELODY BEATTIE, CODEPENDENT NO MORE, BEYOND CODEPENDENCY, ETC.... ❤❤❤ DEEPLY GRATEFUL TO YOU .. WANTED YOU TO KNOW... ❤TE AMO I'M NO LONGER AFRAID OF INTIMACY.... I FEAR IT A LITTLE BUT FAITH GUIDES ME THRU IT NOW..12)2/2023