Acolyte 7: Yes, it's gotten worse.

#FormerNetworkExec #CallMeChato #acolyte #starwars
Review Acolyte Episode 6. Proof that the terrible episode 5 was not a fluke. Is Disney just run by AI now?
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[@typhonset]

“Warning: there will be spoilers - but I know none of you care”. LOLLLLLLL

[@mostawesomecomment6553]

@@typhonset Seriously! 😂😂🤣 He doesn't even say it like a joke because it really is a statement of fact!

[@user-yv4mm6bx3c]

Tru dat

[@silverjohn6037]

Spoilers in a jug of milk that's been left in the sun for a couple of days? Pikachu face?

[@avarysse5782]

@@mostawesomecomment6553 HAHAHAH

[@coolcat23]

Stopped caring since the ultimate insult that was TLJ. Ruin Hamsterface Johnson made it absolutely clear to me that Star Wars ended with episode VI.

[@asphilosophy2430]

Them using cheap metal detectors to find the force vergeance was literally Space Balls levels of absurd.

[@willfilmon182]

Way off in your comparison, Space Balls is vastly more Star Wars than "Daaa powar of mmaaaannnyyyyy"

[@ThePeachtree69]

Combing the desert. 🪮 🏜️ 🌵

[@alesksander]

@@ThePeachtree69 "We aint find sh*t" "Only cringe and cat moms wet dreams and money laudering sheme there. "

[@cybermidterm]

Chernobyl cost 40 million to make and has huge larger than life set designs, quality acting and great screenplay. This show cost 180 million and all looks like its filmed in a sound stage with student film actors and writers. What the hell did they spend all this money on????

[@cameronjones8641]

Chernobyl, the actual disaster was less damaging than Disney Starwars 😂

[@yendor0001]

Hookers and Blow.

[@lorenza2589]

I'm waiting for when we find out for the past decade Disney has been laundering money through these projects.

[@kentlindal5422]

I suspect they are using "Hollywood accounting" to shift losses and under cut the expenses of previous failures onto shows like Acolyte and Captain Falcon: Brave America man, that nobody cares about and everyone knows will fail.

[@thiefofa1073]

Many areas where the money was wasted (covered by articles): 1. They were building sets, props and costumes for Season 2 (yes they were that confident) 2. Many aspects of production were overspent on. One example is the music. For the Power of Many song (which was produced into a purchasable track), Lesley insisted on hiring musicians, writers and choir singers from around the world to "reflect the diversity of the music." - So instead of hiring locally (e.g. Canada or USA, or England, wherever the music department was), they bought air tickets, fed, housed, paid support staff for talent from multiple countries, races, cultures and ages from around the world. This easily would have cost near a million (instead of say $50,000 if the song was produced using nearby local talent in a much more efficient manner). 3. Multiple reshoots were required. THINK ABOUT THIS - the episodes we got were RESHOT after initial feedback and comments were that they were very bad. One example is that Qimir (the Asian evil Sith) was originally supposed to be revealed in Season 2, then they changed their mind and Lesley rewrote and inserted him more into Season 1. Lastly, each episode is only 27 minutes on average. This is AFTER you remove the intro, 'Previously on...' segments, and REALLY LONG end credits (6 minutes in some episodes!!!). Without factoring in useless scenes, duplicated flashbacks and unnecessary pauses, you are looking at over $3.3 million per minute (or $55,000 per second).

[@mkb4560]

The wookie was looking for the 180 million dollars they spent on this trash

[@dbf1dware]

Good one. I liked that a lot.

[@cybermidterm]

I heard they greenlighted two more shows. The Real Housewives of Tatooine and Keeping up with the Hutts

[@drivethruabortion280]

Jedi For The Sith Guy

[@ARLimon74]

😂LOL😅!

[@jeffsmith5436]

Lezbeans of Coruscant

[@TheElizander]

I'd watch the shit out of Keeping up with the Hutts.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

😍😍😍😍😍

[@Mr._Anderpson]

At this point, I suspect Headland was given this job because her work as Harvey's assistant allowed her to get some dirt on people and use it as leverage. Looking at her listed body of work, nothing points to why she would be given such control over such an expensive project.

[@RoryMitchell00]

The plot of this episode seems to overflow with subtext about the propensity for DV in lesbian relationships. Notice how the two lead women cycle between being infatuated with each other and then suddenly are at each other's throats. And neither of them seem to put their "children" first in any actual decision they make. Oh they pay lip service to it, but their actions bely their words. I guess it really is "write what you know" for Lesley Headland.

[@nanamiayanokouji4586]

Totally!!

[@jeffsmith5436]

Lezbean Headcase 😂

[@robynmarler1951]

🎖

[@coolcat23]

Was it Leslye Headland who sent Cara Delavigne into Harvey Weinstein's hotel room to effectively suck it up and kiss a lesbian? If she wasn't the assistant responsible for that particular incident, she most likely had similar situations to inspire her sick writing.

[@patstar5]

I wonder if there is a galactic U-Haul company lol

[@cousinbryan3007]

Disney: What do Jedi do when they aren't fighting with lightsaber? Acolyte: Collect weed and wander around with a metal detector? Disney: Here's 180 million dollars.

[@rubenfrankish]

No kidding, if that script was put in front of someone for a Spaceballs 2 script they'd be like... this is a great parody! Spaceballs 2 needs making and needs to heavily features this crap!

[@Karzir1]

Jedi's Log, week seven: "After picking flowers, looking at stones and searching for old coins with a metal detector, I finally revealed our mission to my party members. I had to explain we were looking for signs of life on a dead planet, but all of the trees and plants is making it difficult. We ate some rodent bird the wookie caught while he was out looking for signs of life. He did not find any. Several large stones have what appear to be carvings on them or parts of old ruins. These are best ignored. We decided not to use any of our ships sensors to search for technology or life signs as this felt like cheating, so we will stick with the metal detectors for a few more weeks. I am however, convinced there is no intelligent life on this planet, to include my own crew."

[@rossdavis4587]

@@Karzir1 In Empire, Luke doesn't even have to tell the computer of his X-wing to scan Degoba when he first gets there, it just gives him the info when he arrives in orbit. So a star fighter commissioned during the rebellion is better equipped than what these Jedi have during the height of the Republic.

[@jimluebke3869]

@@rossdavis4587 Yeah, it was a lowest-bidder kind of thing.

[@JoeSyxpack]

It takes me longer to commute to work every day than it takes to get from Coruscant to the Outer Rim in this show. Why have they been there for so long? They could go home on their lunch breaks.

[@ProjectRedfoot]

Your car just needs a hyperdrive haha

[@chrisbaker8533]

you're right, we don't care about spoilers for this drek. We just enjoy your color commentary.

[@jamesforbes5616]

"I feel she is meant to be my Padawan." Yeah I'll bet that's what Harvey said a lot too.

[@jeffsmith5436]

I believe the line was “I meant to feel up my Padawan.” That sounds more like Darth Wienerstein.

[@jamesforbes5616]

@@jeffsmith5436 Feel up is more like Lesley's job. From what I understand she was his err... Taste Tester 🤢

[@BoraHorzaGobuchul]

"your supposed to believe we're all the same, and simultaneously believe that diversity is our strength"

[@stephenstello3146]

These new writers and producers in Hollywood are like kids who look at the Mona Lisa and think "I can do that", then they start finger painting not realizing the decades of obsession and learning and refinement that goes into being a master at something.

[@Crimson_Hawk_01]

I never would have imagined a whole team of Jedi doing some Star Trek away mission skits.

[@user-yv4mm6bx3c]

Beam me off this hell Scotty!

[@vespenegas261]

@@user-yv4mm6bx3c WELSHYYYYYYYY!!!

[@avarysse5782]

@@user-yv4mm6bx3c Even the og Capt Kirk would abandon this mission

[@jimluebke3869]

This script may have started life as a Star Trek fanfic.

[@danielroden9424]

they are supposed to be highly trained masters of the mind and body. from 4 years old for fucks sake. why is this whiny padawan out of the temple? why isnt he in control of his emotions? they would have sensed that YEARS ago and he would still be training and not let out for fucks sake. this is just insipid writing

[@mattshuey1]

I can actually hear how flabbergasted Chato is compared to his normal composed and planned manner. The man is like a terror attack survivor trying to explain what just happened to him.

[@JoFa876]

I have never seen the show. I learn everything I know from all the online critics and explanations. This has saved my soul and my sanity. Thank you for your service.

[@chrisoconor9314]

I thought you said "sanctity". But that was me projecting, as I realized I had to go to confession. This show is stealing my soul.

[@FreebirthBoccara]

Dont listen to them actually watch it. The show is actually good. These people are just woke baiting and being overtly hyperbolic while hopping on an undeserved hate train

[@Craggle25]

@@FreebirthBoccara we are all entitled to our opinions, however this show to me and many others is beyond terrible. Because it's "woke"? I mean in part because they treat anyone who is white and especially a man as trash and idiotic. But for me the worst point is how horrible the writing is. It's full of weird plot holes, it breaks cannon frequently and without any kind of shame. It deserves the bad reviews because to a lot of us it is bad

[@josephbassey1501]

​@@FreebirthBoccaraBro, we don't all have bad taste like you. This is what happens when an established franchise is given to people that have zero respect for it and it's fans Turning it into a female focused franchise is their only priority and everything else like: good writing, likeable characters, respecting canon are just after thoughts The action in Episode 5 was quite engaging n it received praise from these so-called haters Disney has a solid track record of pushing agenda ahead of entertainment so, it'd be stupid to give them a benefit of a doubt. It's wise to check out the reviews of any Disney products before making your decision

[@jagmo]

@FreebirthBoccara FreebirthBoccara: "Do not liiisten to them, liiisten only to meee. Open yooor miiinds, giiive into THE MESSAGE..."

[@RydarkVoyager]

Sol can't walk and chew gum at the same time. Yoda could lift an entire X-wing with the force ("Size does not matter!"). Luke could lift at least 2 boulders at the same time. Sol couldn't lift the bridge with 2 girls on it, when he should've just forgotten the bridge (who cares if it gets dented?) and focus on the 2 (less heavier) girls. Oh, my.

[@LateralTwitlerLT]

Why didn't the girls just take a few steps backwards to where the bridge was solid? Unless it just somehow magically (forceically? farcically?) floated in air and had neither an on-ramp nor an off-ramp or fixture of any kind, that is. I've not seen the show.

[@lordsinister707]

I'm sorry but Disney needs to pick a lane. Seriously this woman is stabbed in the stomach while she is freaking smoke and dies. Yet in the same universe, Sabine is stabbed in the exact same way from a lightsaber and walks away from it the next day? Are lightsabers only lethal depending on the plot

[@richtes]

Yes

[@user-yv4mm6bx3c]

Plot needs to plot.

[@sandman_says_runrunner4701]

Also, Reva was stabbed twice the same way, once as a child and once as an adult... I don't even think she went to the hospital.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

You just don't understand Lightsabers like Disney does.

[@coolcat23]

Also, what's with the light sabre stabbing? IIRC, the irritating feline lesbo gets stabbed three times in the chest by Darth Zipper Mouth. What happened to good old slicing? One motion, job done. Why pull out all the way twice to go back in again instead of just exiting to the side? Is this something Leslye learned from Weinstein, or what?

[@raymathews1474]

Here we learned that the witches are wired in series.

[@randydewees7338]

Does that mean if you can find the Really Dead One, and say remove her from the circuit, the others would come back to life?

[@greg_mid_tn3150]

@@randydewees7338 They have testers for that on late night TV!

[@grbradsk]

Kathleen Kennedy's fault: "Put a chick in it and maker lame and gay". They got the "gay", and the series wiring took care of the "lame". SouthPark nails it again.

[@lubricatedgoat]

Parallel witches would have made more sense, or RAID-5 witches.

[@user-gf7kj5vj3p]

@@grbradsk I think Eric said "Put a chicken and make her lame and gay"

[@bjc9520]

If Disney had large financial investors in specific projects, those investors could call for an audit. I am baffled how much money could be spent on something that looks so poor and I'm not talking about the story, or acting. I mean visually and from an FX perspective. It looks like a rough cut.

[@angelhurtado55]

I feel critically stupider now for having watched just a summary of this cinematic equivalent of a Chernobyl's sewers water

[@onlyonestarwarsfan5337]

This show is ridiculous and intentionally contradictory. They’re trolling us.

[@catsupchutney]

The writers are flinging poop at the wall.

[@peterlang777]

I heard it is spliced from 3 to 4 DIFFERENT versions. the weird switches in MAE'S goals and motivations on a dime do support this

[@dbsommers1]

No. It would be more enjoyable if it was that. This is genuinely terrible.

[@D_Adrian]

in my experience every assumption of any let s call it "deeper intent" gives the disney showrunners too much credit. it s interesting how the viewers are trying their best to make sense of plotpoints/events/characters and come up with really creative ideas, only to find out that showrunners simply did not think so far, didn t bother, did not care or just thought..."nah it will be okay why put in more effort" so yeah...no, it s just terrible!

[@ProjectRedfoot]

​@catsupchutney yeah, and the fans are up-against that wall

[@zenkizenki]

so, instead of Sol force lifting the kids to safety, he force lifts the bridge that weighs tons. LOL :P epic writing

[@romelmunoz7957]

If Yoda could pull up an X-Wing from the swamp with extra liquid weight and Sabine the BFF of Ahsoka with almost a week's training could push up Ezra to get inside a big ship why Sol couldn't grab two petite girls with the force????

[@coolcat23]

@@romelmunoz7957 Darth Mouth Zipper can push away a full horde of trained Jedi's with no effort, but K-Pop Soul can't manage two tiny kids. Oh, and let's not forget Rey Sue, who does not know how to spell "force" but levitates a myriad of rocks without breaking much of a sweat.

[@reacaoanimada9455]

not to mention for a master jedi "size matters not" so maybe Sol is just... lame?

[@patricktrisler2043]

Or could he have just yelled to the girls to BACK UP from the part that’s about to fall in?

[@mostlyguesses8385]

Maybe force lifting nonliving stuff is easier, hence Sol and the bridge not lifting the girls.. but they gotta say that.

[@majortom2329]

So the twins are actually one person split in two? This explains a lot. Now we can understand their lack of personality, facial expressions, and fashion sense. It seems also that they can also become smoke monsters so probably next episode they will combine together into one character to defeat the the Sith and then go in search of the Sith master (Mommy Korvil). Sol will of course have to die 1st somehow. And Shrek will cover it all up with the help of Donkey. Great show, can't wait for season two!

[@Kyle-sr6jm]

At least now we know why the smoke monster in Lost was always pissed off.

[@PersonallyPerhaps]

I don’t think they will kill the sith because they think sith are morally good

[@ahighhorseman]

The writing of THE ACOLYTE reminds me of this line from HAMLET: Oh, there be players that I have seen play and heard others praise (and that highly), not to speak it profanely, that, neither having th' accent of Christians nor the gait of Christian, pagan, nor man, have so strutted and bellowed that I have thought some of nature’s journeymen had made men and not made them well, they imitated humanity so abominably.

[@thorsteinnorman7133]

If the black witch just wanted to hand over/ let Osha go, then why do something that could be felt as threatening, such as becoming a shadow wraith about to possess the other child? That just seems supremely stupid...

[@Allan_aka_RocKITEman]

Paul: *_"I...I really don't know, uh, what I just saw."_* Well, the people that made it have no idea what they just made...🙄

[@ThereIsAlwaysaWay2]

People that made it MADE THEIR DREAMS COME TRUE ON TV. They 100% know what they just made. Now Now ... Watch 30 min of Twilight ..... and try to pretend it's not the same. Be honest.

[@davidmarsden192]

So they have been there for 7 weeks - and they're only just NOW telling him what they're looking for??

[@jamer8414]

Why are they metal detecting for the force? This entire show is the Jesse Pinkman “ He can’t keep getting away with this!” meme.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

I cringed so hard at this scene.

[@Reasonist]

It’s combing the desert. 🪮

[@Mentski]

So... let me get this straight: They'd been on a planet that they thought was deserted for 7 WEEKS looking for a sign of life, and at no point during that period they thought about investigating a GIANT MOUNTAINTOP FORTRESS THAT WOULD'VE BEEN VISIBLE FOR MILES, until they saw a couple of girls playing around nearby. What the fuck is this writing? Seriously.

[@richtes]

No scanners on the ship when they arrive?

[@EireHammer]

Written by people who have never been in the woods let alone in the wilderness.

[@MelbourneArchviz]

they were able to sense from light years away the force on this planet, but they couldn't sense it 500 meters away.

[@farrel13sw]

This is worse than primary school essays

[@coolcat23]

To add insult to injury (incompetence), one of their team members is informed what the search is about seven weeks into the search. Yeah, right. I guess half of the team thought they were looking for scrap metal for all this time, given how they are scanning the ground with metal detectors.

[@michaelreich4827]

I like how the quality of your writing, done within 24 hours of each episode, is better than the multi-billion dollar company's writer's room, who had months/years to craft this.

[@denditwittard4410]

Imagine the highest military spec ops doing a mundane tasks

[@Nanixashi]

But spend 180m on it.

[@rogerfurlong1535]

'Ontario Chato and the Temple of Idiocy.'

[@jimjam51075]

...on the planet Brenda.

[@ARLimon74]

😅LOL😅!

[@jimluebke3869]

Not Saskatchewan Paul?

[@josephstrickland830]

My mind continues to boggle over tying to accept that the quality of the story writing in this show is somehow worse than the fan-fic of the average 9 year old. Disney threw away $180 million on the likes of this?!?! At this point I really do have to believe this is all just some kind hyper-elaborate hoax/troll being played on us at Disney's literal expense.

[@shonen_x_trash2488]

I don't understand why droids weren't doing those menial tasks. Jedi with plant life analyizers and metal detectors like a star trek science surface expidition team. smh

[@Fact-fiend_1000ASMR.]

Even without droids, there are non-Jedi members of the Order. Those not force sensitive enough to be trained as knights etc.

[@Dazgul]

Like a vergence, touched for the very first time, like a verr err err errgence...

[@todayontheinternet9576]

Disney must really really really need the tax writeoffs, first the Laser Wars Motel 6 goes under, now this.

[@marloc2019]

Space Wi-Fi Witches die when disconnected from access point...

[@tmanwattsutube]

It may have been the worst episode so far, but it was your FUNNIEST commentary so far. Thank you so much for helping a crummy day end with several unstoppable LOL!

[@McrChemical]

The witches dying off because their WiFi connection got severed has got to be the highlight of this episode, close second is sol force holding a bridge that weighs a sh*t ton when he could've force snatched both kids, preventing this abomination of a show from ever happening

[@OsloTime]

@@McrChemical 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@sandman_says_runrunner4701]

Call it a compromise since the first flashback he didn't even use any force powers and just grabbed Osha so at least this time they retconned it to at least look semi Jedi.

[@jalpat2272]

@@sandman_says_runrunner4701 a cheap retcon or continuity error after twelfths reshoots.

[@sandman_says_runrunner4701]

@@jalpat2272 Yup! EDIT: It wouldn't surprise me if they heard about that complaint and hastily did a quick reshoot. 😉

[@eastlynburkholder3559]

Slighter better dialogue from me: so why is this a place so very likely to have a vergence? A (con)vergence is ... and this planet is between blank and a blank and has traveled through the... region.

[@ProjectRedfoot]

The metal detector is just SO NOT STAR WARS

[@BowlCrossy]

Utterly bizarre. If they felt the need to send a team of Jedi, they should have at least had them "meditating" to search for the virgins instead of writing in a bunch of cheap prospecting tools that any yutz could've used. Clearly no one involved in this disaster felt they could question anything that was written into the plot.

[@randyscorner9434]

Exactly! Why isn't a droid flying over the field doing this? Why didn't they do the survey from the spaceship? The writers just needed some excuse to have them in the area and never even considered the implications ---this is terrible writing!

[@BowlCrossy]

@@randyscorner9434 It is brought to you by the same people who wrote "fire in space" and "flammable stone fortress"...

[@zendodeb]

Star Wars Fans: "It can't get any worse" Disney Star Wars: "Hold my beer!"

[@FoxWolfWorld]

Bruh. We can’t just sleep on “Better Not Call Sol” 😂😂 that should be what we call the show from now on

[@RoseBaggins]

I know, right??

[@davidstair9657]

There is indeed something pedophidic about Sol’s intense desire for OSHA. What the hell is wrong with all these people?!

[@cdreyes81]

The writers are what's wrong

[@willfilmon182]

Lots of rumors about Hollyweird not being the safest place for child actors/actresses and Weinstein's assistant will write what she knows about.

[@mostlyguesses8385]

Someone one described the Jedi as 100% trusting the Force. Hence Kenobi walking into fights against a million droids and Grievous with a smile. If you go 100% with trusting feelings and destiny you yes may feel your slight concern for Osha is the Force telling you to walk into withes castle. Many christian idiots would walk into battle feeling God is protecting them....but the force DOES exist so it's literally sensible to just follow gut and be slave to the Force.. imagine if luck flowedd to whoever belived in god more and you had monk warriors running nations... The Republic is a Theocracy.

[@paulmurgatroyd6372]

When Time Team beats Star Wars, you know something has gone horrifically wrong. You don't step on Baldrick's toes, Headland!

[@couldnotbereachedforfurthe2647]

If Headland gets work in the wake of this... the world is just wrong.

[@JohnS-il1dr]

In hollywood if you are a walking checkbox you get to fail upwards.

[@capthavic]

The fact she was given millions to flush away on this at all is just wrong.

[@Kyle-sr6jm]

We have a dementia patient as President. Headland has a bright future.

[@romelmunoz7957]

She's so perfect to jump into the X-Men franchise 👍

[@willfilmon182]

People have been failing upwards in Hollyweird for years.

[@the_naP]

Was waiting for this review! This episode was the most poorly written piece of trash that I have ever viewed. It was so bad, and not even campy, it was just not Star Wars.

[@jeffhunt5964]

I think my wife and I are glad we tuned out after the first week. Thanks for reaffirming it as the right decision each week. We really appreciate it.

[@Maehedrose]

You know what would have saved that scene with Trinity releasing the Wookie and killing the Coven? If, when she laid hands on the Wook's head, they went back into that black 'seduction room' we saw with the Padawan - this time all the Coven are there, crowded around in the shadows, whispering enticements to her. One says "Give up, there is nowhere you can go" to which Trinity responds, "But you've forgotten one thing" ('What?') - her mental form ignites her lightsaber "I'm a Jedi Master". Then you break away into however you want to depict the aftermath - I imagine to save their brittle 180 million dollar budget, it would pull back to face reactions on the meditating witches as they scream and die - butchered by Trinity in that dark place. That would have made the thing she'd been forced to do seem horrible and it would lay the groundwork for "kill them without a weapon" and such nonsense. (sorry for using the nicknames, the only names I remember from the show are Sol, Osha, Mae, Qimir, and Jecki. I'd be hard pressed to tell you anything about any of those characters, aside from Sol, maybe.)

[@BinkyTheElf1]

How DARE you make sense of the scene, you racism bigotry!! 😲 #Triggered #DeeplyOffend

[@randyscorner9434]

See, you'd be a better write than what they had. But the rot is deeper: every single scene has flaws, even the ones where they are walking around a forest (why are they there? Why do they all have blank expressions? Why aren't they on speeders? What am I supposed to learn about how they walk?) Aggravating to the max and you just know they're patting each other on the back for their "wonderful contributions" to the thing.

[@Maehedrose]

@@randyscorner9434 Oh yeah, this is just to point out that some internet rando could do better than their writing - I'm not going to waste time fixing the entire script unless there's a paycheck in it. 😉

[@TheAyeAye1]

I swear Leslie is only doing this as a way to hurt what is left of the Star Wars fandom.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

A Narcicisst that didn't win first Prize for her Jedi Outfit at the Kindergarten Halloween Party

[@JediMasterHilljr]

I get your sentiment but I think she actually believes this is her best work and it’s a creative masterpiece.

[@user-ld7lp5oy1i]

The Farce is strong with this one

[@keithg.6651]

Looks like the writer used the Jedi like a Star Trek landing party.

[@Augustus087]

It seems to me like the entire universe would be much better by just running away from the planet from the show's very beginning, and not returning.

[@jagmo]

@Augustus087 Perhaps leading to, "And now, for something completely different."

[@marianovontrani418]

I still have nightmares about the tainted tauntaun meat debacle. Whole Village had Dheli-belly for a week.

[@smallies7154]

" Witches leave. " - Red Foreman

[@jimluebke3869]

Inventor of the Foreman Grill?

[@CutzMcOnions]

> *makes evil face* > *sinister sounds* > *turns into evil cloud* > *gets stabbed by good guy for turning into evil cloud* > *claim you're about to do the good thing all along* > *cash in your victim points at a disney virtue bank near you*

[@mostlyguesses8385]

Turning into dark cloud NEXT to a child is scary . .. adding a child makes Jedi right to be worried and kill cloud. Remove the child and then yes don't stab the cloud Sol.

[@jaydevc]

This is so bad that I just can't believe that it's not intentionally written to destroy everything Star Wars. This is just plane sabotage. I would not be surprised at the end of episode 8, everyone lines up, smiles at the camera while pulling out thermal detonators and presses the buttons at the same time.

[@jjaarr3208]

Speaking as an uber nerd, Jedi were never dispatched on scouting missions for plant and mineral samples in any book or show that I ever saw. Furthermore in the accounting of Count Dooku's back story the temple had more Padawans then masters to train them, and one of Dooku's concerns in his youth was that he wouldn't be chosen. In the Phantom Menace when Qui-gon even mentions the Vergence in the force Mace immediately jumps to the prophecy of the chosen one so if the Jedi Council sensed a Vergence likely members of the council would have gone to investigate, and not to search for Roman coins and take botanical samples. In other words these talentless hacks have likely never even watched the Prequels much less the orginal trilogy. Any Star Wars nerd worth their midicholrians could write better fan fiction than this while they were drunk and stoned at the same time. Hell I'll bet you can find better written fanfic at ant site on the internet that even mentions Star Wars.

[@asphilosophy2430]

@jjaarr3208 your lifetime of nerdiness has culminated in this very KZbin comment. Thank you for you service.

[@DrakeTimbershaft]

Padawan Torbin is a whiny brat. "WAAAAAAAAAH! I wanna go HOME!" He should be cleaning the toilets in the Jedi Temple, not training in them!

[@callinglast]

"Buzzing the Flieshmann's" Hilarious! Your wit's on point good chum!

[@thel1355]

It can't be this awful by accident. It's like "accidentally" pissing on someone rather than baking them a birthday cake.

[@ThereIsAlwaysaWay2]

They DID NOT MESS IT UP. They want to Destroy Star Wars, and this goal is a TOTAL SUCCESS. They have a purposeful destruction job to do, and I give them A++. If I want to demolish my house, I will call Disney right away.

[@lumberbeangaming8805]

Let's face it, this show exceeds all of our expectations....of how bad it can get!

[@CallMeChato]

Yep.

[@haydenwalton2766]

I was going to say that the exposition in this story is dog shit. but that's unfair - it's dog shit soaked in petrol and set on fire

[@Jordan-Ramses]

​​​​@@CallMeChato don't compare it to Kpop. People like Kpop. Not me. But people. Kpop tries to be entertaining. They don't focus on DEI. If there wasn't better music i could be entertained by Blackpink.

[@robinhood9128]

Is it a coincidence that the length of a season of an entertainment show has dwindled to 8 episodes, at the same time the “entertainment” has also dwindled

[@DeanoTube]

The Jedi are actually on the planet trying to find where the 180 million budget is buried.

[@faithcastillo9597]

You killed me at the Mickey Rooney/Yunioshi burn.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@louberkman5995]

Deep cut.

[@mariolafrance5806]

I don't have Disney+ and I'm happy about that.

[@brigandboy1425]

This show says nothing about the Jedi. It says everything about the people writing the show.

[@roberthill5549]

Coven oven... Snot came out of my nose.

[@haroldwood1394]

Well, yes. If it finds its way out of another orifice, get to an emergency centre without delay. Good luck!

[@jimluebke3869]

EZ-bake coven. =)

[@nebohtes]

I like that they're camping... like they didn't arrive in a spaceship. Let's pretend that the ship isn't more comfortable than camping... the show has already established that anywhere is two minutes from anywhere.

[@AngelsLance]

I like how Sol cared more about the twins safety, girls whom he's only known for like 3 hours mind you, than the woman who carrier them and had a hand in raising them.

[@lacolem1]

Here’s the thing. Disney knew this was bad. They knew how we would react. That’s why they went on PR offense early and often. But they still let this crap be released. And KK still has a job.

[@CheeseOfMasters]

Merit is dead.

[@JGDeRuvo]

“I fear for the girls safety.” Shouldn’t Trinity’s response be … “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

[@rumblehat4357]

Suffering leads to canceling Disney+

[@willfilmon182]

disney is a much greater source of suffering

[@PabloGaraguso]

These reviews crack me up! Way better than anything Disney ever made with the franchise

[@gagelindell271]

“its all downhill from here” LMFAO

[@brick6347]

“I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.” Michael Caine on Jaws: the Revenge. This is pretty much how Disney execs feel. "Meh, nerds will watch it anyway."

[@bullmoose5574]

@@brick6347 except the nerds aren't

[@brick6347]

​@@bullmoose5574I know. It's exec hubris. But they're in orbit of touch at this point.

[@whiskybrush3219]

I dunno. My hubby is pretty hardcore fanatic and he will roll his eyes but is enjoying it anyway. So some nerds will watch it and fewer yet will enjoy it but its not going to keep the franchise afloat.

[@Zayphar]

There was no mystery. In the beginning, Mae was a villain and it was her fault. In the end, Mae is a villain and it was all her fault...and VIRGINS! Bring in the Virgins!!!!

[@Amermito]

It's a planet with no men are they all virgins?

[@MelbourneArchviz]

these aren't the virgins you are looking for!

[@josephbassey1501]

​@@MelbourneArchviz Are you saying; They belong to the Streetz

[@DenisFalqueto]

The real blame is on who made a building with flammable rocks. What a dumb decision...

[@Zayphar]

@@DenisFalqueto No one built a building with falmmable rocks. The writers just don't know how physics/materials science actually works. And none of the underlings @ LucasFilm had the balls to point out that it was stupid.

[@mrgoober6320]

Trinity: "We're looking for a vergence in the Force." Wookiee: "Then why the fuck am I scanning the veldt with a metal detector?!"

[@_Meriwether]

These scathing reviews are infinitely more entertaining that the series they are excoriating.

[@randyscorner9434]

Yep, so they should be eligible for immortal status like "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" in Razziedom.... I think that's what they must have been going for.

[@silverscorpio24]

So basically, Torbin offed himself because he was a white male in a Star Wars show. And I don't blame him.

[@robertshepard3894]

Cute straight white boy bad to diversity

[@diegooland1261]

Maybe the Jedi should get a big, brown talking dog that can warn the gang when danger is afoot.

[@BinkyTheElf1]

Run-roh, Raggy!

[@rumblehat4357]

Kelknockers is using the metal detector to look for the keys to the ship so he can ditch these losers.

[@lux-veritatis]

It’s like they just sat down at a computer, typed a stream of consciousness for an hour, handed that first draft in with no edits and then made the entire show verbatim from it

[@peterphan227]

Thank you for your service and sacrifice. I mercifully have not seen a single epidose of this show. And I hope I never will.

[@kenwarren9450]

I don't know if I'm alone in thinking this, but for me the greatest irritation of shows like this is that they had literally every chance on earth to be fun to watch. Star Wars fans honestly are VERY easy to please, which is why it's baffling that a megastudio with a $200 million budget manages to mess up literally every possible opportunity to not suck.

[@D_Adrian]

@@kenwarren9450 bro, you are not alone in thinking this. how well received mando (season 1) was, although being a simple and rather mediocre western series in space...so you are right...the star wars audience is easy to please. I can t wrap my head around this uninspired writing: just copy a good story and put it in the star wars universe and at the very very least you prevent a disaster. and maybe you even create an entertainig series and everybody s happy. uuuh...sigh of dispair

[@ThereIsAlwaysaWay2]

You're very naïve padawan. They DID NOT MESS IT UP. They want to Destroy Star Wars, and this goal is a TOTAL SUCCESS. They have a purposeful destruction job to do, and I give them A++. If I want to demolish my house, I will call Disney right away.

[@willfilmon182]

Holiday Special was bad but still had more heart than acoshyte and was certainly more Star Wars. Better to give the 200 million to the makers of the Special.

[@moyockmoo2]

I'd like to watch this to the end, but I cannot stand anymore of this Disney garbage. Thanks, Chato.

[@CallMeChato]

No worries. Thanks for the comment.

[@apollion888]

"I really don't know what I just saw" is a perfect Zen Commentary and you could have stopped there

[@wraith1117]

And here I thought Charles Nelson Reilly had passed. OK, that was some humor. And to the point, I think you as well as Charles would have done a great rendition on how humorous this show, and how bad it is, really is. I honestly like your take on this show better than the actual show.

[@CallMeChato]

He was funny.

[@wraith1117]

@@CallMeChato Very much so. One of my all time faves. Perhaps I showed my age in that comment. And also, Now subbed. :)

[@journmsu]

Who needs to waste their money on a Disney + subscription when we have Chato filling us in on the ever intriguing yet truly nauseating Ejacolyte. The only show that can make you feel laughter, frustration, boredom, rejection, annoyance, dissatisfaction, contempt, anger, regret, confusion, and bemusement; all the while hurling into your waste bin...without having to leave your laptop screen. Genius.

[@LightSkinnedLionel]

This episode actually accomplished murdering Star Wars by making an awful attempt at a Star Trek-type episode that may be better than an actual Star Trek Discovery episode

[@sandman_says_runrunner4701]

Star Wars is just fine... however, Disney Star Wars is definitely flatlined.

[@ozzymandius666]

Do not mock the Jedi moss gathering team!

[@cattrucker8257]

At least it explains how they originally found the Trinity woman.

[@peterkennedy3755]

The wookie with the mine detector is head of security for the mission

[@guygadbois3010]

"Wookie with a metal detector" is right up there with "Gungan with a 'Keep on Truckin''" blacklight poster". What the hell is going on?

[@user-yv4mm6bx3c]

A Gungan bedroom with a blacklight. Now that's an image that shippers would run with. Yuck

[@andrewmack2161]

I'm now convinced that Disney saved money by getting this show written by an after school creative writing club for under 7 year old girls.

[@Phase52012]

I'm curious to know how Disney can get actors to be in these SW shows after so many out and out failures. They must be offering a lot of money.

[@BowlCrossy]

Agents would be getting burned at the stake after this, and should be. I'm sure plenty of that $180M went into overpaying for a lot of the mediocre cast but also tricking the few genuine actors into signing on as well.

[@sandman_says_runrunner4701]

Well, that 180M sure didn't go to costumes, sets, props, models, CGI, or writers... so skimming a little of the grift to overpay actors is not out of the question.

[@BowlCrossy]

@@sandman_says_runrunner4701 Sadly, I think a fair bit of it would have gone to the writers. I imagine Leslye wanted to splash the cash on her diverse writing team.

[@jeffsmith5436]

Or holding a very large Harvey client list…😂

[@sandman_says_runrunner4701]

@@BowlCrossy No need... they were probably so stunned that they actually got a writing job they would be willing to work for scale, maybe even throw in buying Lezzlye Avocado Toast every day. 😉

[@HivisoftheScale]

Aww c'mon! I wanted the Brendok Real estate Show! 😭

[@user-yv4mm6bx3c]

Then they convert the real estate into a salon for those Kpop haircuts!

[@HivisoftheScale]

@@user-yv4mm6bx3c I guess I'll just watch "CSI: Coruscant" instead

[@furious_wrath7079]

Lmao the taunto tan tan meat debacle of 53 😂😂

[@stevenalexander403]

G'day it's Steven from down under again You speak the TRUTH! You're clever, amusing and articulate This "entertainment", and I use the word "entertainment" loosely, is another nail in the coffin for Star Wars, I never thought that in my lifetime I would see the most successful sci-fi movie franchise die before my eyes, my beloved Star Wars has been murdered by a bunch of egotistical and angry zealot witchbians! MAY THE FARCE BE WITH US, I MEAN FORCE!

[@someidiot1984]

I love all of your takes. Each a different angle of supreme crapola. Thank you. Long live the new AZ!!!

[@michaelfox1432]

It is a sad and dark day when I find myself pining for the great writing and acting of the Star Wars Christmas Special.

[@blueshattrick]

4:34 Wait.. so you're telling me, after 7 WEEKS on this planet, they're JUST NOW explaining their actual *mission* to a team member ? !?