Adeptus Mechanicus Tech-priest vs faulty USB drivers

[@Constant_Of_Morality]

It's not just a Tech-Priest, It's a Cybernetica Datasmith. "A Cybernetica Datasmith is a specialist rank of Adeptus Mechanicus Tech-priest who programs the Kastelan Robots of the Legio Cybernetica at the maniple level, often having to do so in the thick of battle."

[@Razzrazz90]

The sound of the Orks getting closer and louder had me absolutely dying lol

[@kiravatheargonian]

Same 😂

[@planetfall5056]

Has her absolutely dying too :P

[@SuperMurxus]

Serious Sam: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (Well, not Sam but the bomber mobs)

[@CF-or3ci]

@SuperMurxus AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! - Sly Marbo

[@Nick-rs5if]

The Tech Priest too, I'd bet! 😂

[@stijnvanlankveld9893]

Why didnt the Tech Priest invoke the Litany of Percussive Maintenance? That's bound to work

[@fyka2902]

"I CAST FIST!"

[@shan9usfc]

that one Blood Angel techmarine getting pissed off at the console from the animation:

[@jasonbrody8724]

If she had lungs to breath with could have blown some air on it and sent it

[@nick_a91]

or the sixty-fourth litany of cleansing breath

[@crystalclearchaos5387]

I cast bonk

[@CyberController-]

Fun fact: The Litanies used to activate Imperial tech is literally just the instruction manual

[@A_Simple_Zock]

I’m imagining a tech priest religiously chanting “If all else fails slap the machine several times”

[@Sgtnolisten]

Using religion to insure preservation of knowledge. I can dig it.

[@battlesheep2552]

Tech Priest chanting "have you turned it off and on again?"

[@CyberController-]

@@battlesheep2552 It's stuff like "When all lights are green, flip the switch to activate"

[@imeryakwut6437]

This is even worse. Some of them are the license, as well as the terms and conditions.

[@somerandomdude3729]

I don't know what the tech priest did to displease the machine spirit and I'm too scared to ask.

[@internetuser320]

Probably use olive oil to lubricant the machine instead of regular oil

[@orctrihar]

Simple, he diden't does any ritual at the same time !

[@superspicy8740]

@@internetuser320 damn Lubricae Cultists

[@internetuser320]

@@superspicy8740 noun oil best oil With Agra’s earthshade

[@Scalespirit121]

It was possesed by BSOD demon.

[@yurifanatic2518]

It would be perfect if the animation showed her putting it in the opposite way, causing her to have to flip it and put it in again.

[@jorakfalconstar1053]

i was waitiing for the bit where the claw arm rotated 180 degrees at the wrist and reinserted the device.

[@eleethtahgra7182]

Insert. Pull out, flip. Insert again. Pull out. Look at the usb, flip, then insert again.

[@blackc1479]

Exactly what I was expecting too. The Emperor protects. The omnissiah protects until your AV is out of date

[@miroslavstefka5013]

Then again, it's techpriest, they should know how to insert USB the right side up. Then again....

[@Khotetsu]

@@miroslavstefka5013 It's what I refer to as the USB Paradox: even if you check it first, you will always insert it the wrong way the first time. The Omnissiah works in mysterious ways.

[@Pixie1001.]

Huh, now that I think about it, replacing your mouth with a ventiliator is kind of a horrifically dumb move for a tech priest. If she could just blow on the port, it would solve all of her issues, but she has no mouth and is thus forced to eternally pull the USB in and out again forever... Also, that usb should really be on top of her attack servitor's shoulders, so it isn't being constantly tugged down by gravity.

[@nonya1366]

All you need to do is have the mechandrite who's entire purpose is to blow air, or better, such is the foolishness of the tech priest.

[@mattc9598]

"From the moment I understood, the weakness of my USB ports... it disgusted me"

[@Tilith]

Your only mistake was thinking that air propulsion of said ventilator was weaker than an organic mouth's. Your lack of faith in the Omnissiah is showing... She just had a memory leak due to an overstimulation of her annoyance suppressors! Remember, children's of the Omnissiah, to schedule your daily maintenance and to keep your augments updated. And no, your old Mk.I prosthesis doesn't count as archeotech...

[@patbaitman3357]

No, a true -IT guy- tech priest always has canned air on hand. Wasting one's breath would contaminate the relic with the scum of the Universe.

[@nonya1366]

@@patbaitman3357 A true tech priest of the blessed omnisiah has three cans of air, three cans of WD40, mechandrites to produce both, a duct tape dispenser, two servo skulls to hold things without needing to hold onto them, a toolbelt in the form of the omnisiah axe, a second tool belt in the form of an actual tool belt, a bag of candy to lure unattended babies to turn into more machines, a laud hailer to constantly preach about the omnisiah, thirteen candle packs, and five sacred oil cans. And two minor acolytes of the omnisiah to show them how it's properly done. And enough amasec refills to deal with two acolytes....And a volkite mechandrite incase either of them does something wrong.

[@Splitmek]

"thats just my drivers, being crappy, see?" - tts

[@gianaryantapl3797]

Then how is it you can keep surviving these blasts? To all the other Techpriests, it badly contrasts Your sentience it seems to return from the dead How this could be, you might want unsaid

[@Khan93j]

@@gianaryantapl3797 You come to my planet with friction and strife? You somehow believe that I can flee the afterlife? Please do tell me, fleshling, is this some kind of goof? I don't reckon that you brought any actual proof?

[@pieright]

​@@Khan93jIt's a favour I seek, not some sort of brawl Were it not for my lord I'd not be here at all Now tell me where is the Proteus Protocol? Withhold information and we'll be your downfaaaaARGH!

[@Khan93j]

*sudendly music stops* Y-You... You al... You all right..? @@pieright

[@elijahmanaghaya6038]

SOUND MATE GO ON, wheres the proteus protocol?@@Khan93j

[@corrupt1user]

Techpriest forgot the Sacred Ritual of Rotating the USB 180 Degrees, Inserting And Removing, Rotating 180 Degrees Once More. And when that doesn't work, the more ancient ritual of Blue Unto the Device.

[@turnleft8645]

Weakness of flesh is bad but weakness of faulty USB port is unforgivable 💀

[@insertname9736]

The weakness of the metal is at fault for the fools who abandon the blessing of the flesh.

[@martinfiedler4317]

0:14 THAT sound shocked my soul!

[@mrmcmoustache9615]

Imagine not having lungs to blow the dust out with

[@parkerstange851]

Who needs lungs when I have an iron lung and a rebreather that filters out all toxins. "FROM THE MOMENT I UNDERSTOOD THE WEAKNESS OF MY FLESH, IT DISGUTED ME!!"

[@insertname9736]

​@parkerstange851 YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A METALLIC LUNG CANNOT COMPARE TO THE ORIGINAL THING. AS SHOWN IN THIS VIDEO. AS THE METAL THEY COWARLY CHOSE, FAILED THEM. AND THAT COSTED ITS LIFE. AND NOW IT REGRETS ITS LIFE CHOISES. TRULY, THERE'S NOTHING MORE DESGUSTING AND ABBORRENT IN THE GALAXY THAN MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE WITH SEVERE BODY DYSPHORIA WHO WILLINGLY MUTILATE THEMSELVES TO GET WEAKER.

[@Furzkampfbomber]

@@parkerstange851 Yeah, sure. And still you are standing here, moments away from death, because you have a rebreather instead of lungs and can't blow onto the stick.

[@aurorauplinks]

I was saying, USE THE OTHER PORT!!!!

[@mentel307]

For those that don't have an ascii table on hand the final message is You Died with additional new line characters

[@arturtrzebinski2112]

I was waiting for this comment. Thank You

[@sonatabirdie]

I thought it translated to you are not alone.

[@Volti-Vagra]

@@sonatabirdie coupled with the darksouls dying sound, i have to assume its You Died based on context

[@sheilaolfieway1885]

The Orks believed that the USB drive doesn't work.

[@VapingHolograms]

There was a purple ork watching in disbelief.

[@myriri3687]

Lets just take a moment to appreciate how remarkable old human tech is in this setting that it doesn't have these issues

[@VapingHolograms]

STC file = It just works.

[@weldonwin]

That's because Good Little Enginseers say their prayers to the Machine God, apply the correct sacred unguents and offer the proper appeasements to the Machine Spirit

[@KZFKreation]

The underrated gem of this video is the end screen being YOU DIED but in Binary. Fuck you, that's hilarious.

[@VestedUTuber]

Have you tried using a different USB port? That at least rules out a dirty or faulty port.

[@kuyakyel324]

Or check if the usb has some dust in it

[@noregrets5258]

You'd think she'd have that programmed in her brain somewhere but... no?

[@FarmHend]

This is sounds like technoheresy

[@VestedUTuber]

@@FarmHend Honestly, I can actually see that as a point of contention within the Mechanicus, where two internal factions outright come to blows over whether basic diagnostic practices are technoheresy or one of the greatest ways to venerate the Omnisiah, and no ruling gets made because the Fabricator General has more important things to deal with -like not exploding and making sure they have enough toasters.-

[@krel7160]

@@VestedUTuber "Have you tried asking the Blessed Machine how it is feeling today?"

[@marmonkin6254]

I like the idea that Tech-priests make the modem sound when they think particularly hard. This one goes straight to my head canon.

[@katanah3195]

I'm partial to the idea of them sounding like an old mechanical hard drive spinning when they're trying to remember something, myself.

[@Trehek]

That's just them talking in binaric!

[@gargomesh9736]

you had me at the dark soul music! gold!

[@jeremiahwallace2275]

*Later, at a Microsoft Tech Support call centre somewhere in India.* Operator: “Hello Mam, how can I assist you today?” Tech Priestess: “The machine spirit will not accept my command of protection.” Operator: “That is a common problem often associated with devices that have not been updated in awhile. Has your machine spirit been updated recently?” Tech Priestess: “…No…” Operator: “Then please update your machine spirit with the latest command and purity sermons, and try again. Is there anything else I can help you with?” Tech Priestess: “No…Thank you…” Operator: “In that case, I wish you well and a good day then.” Spoiler Alert: It worked.

[@Furzkampfbomber]

Good thing then its wi-fi still worked, because update via USB is out of the question.

[@ComicGladiator]

I think the Orks will reach her before she completes 10,000 years of updates.

[@chankljp]

A 'Tech Support call centre' in 'India'? You meant a Mechanicus shrine over in the Indoi Hive Cities on Holy Terra? Truly an honor for someone to receive astropathic technical guidance from the Throne World of humanity itself.

[@lj5125]

The true power of a tech priest - being able to insert the usb right the first time

[@Trivial_Whim]

I feel like a few seconds after they arrived and attacked whatever fortifications were around, the Orks would have grumbled in annoyance at no one fighting back and stopped. And then some of the boys would have come over to try to fix the thing with her so they could get this fight started properly.

[@alexthehopeless3778]

Just turn it off and on again, machine god damn

[@thebrotacogamer2944]

Struggling with USBs is a mood. You put it in what should be the right way. Doesn't go in. You flip it. Doesn't even go in a little bit, outright wrong. Flip it again, goes in smooth. Witchcraft I tell ya.

[@Werrf1]

It's not witchcraft; USB ports are just 5-dimensional hyperports.

[@christianhall3916]

Clearly the USB is a half-spin particle.

[@MediocreHexPeddler]

USB superposition.

[@cmdr501generalvenator3]

Should have done more praying. The mighty machine spirit may just have been angry

[@AvaricioDues]

Clearly someone didn’t use the sacred air duster

[@CupidGaming522]

This is how a Tech-Priest becomes a Dominus.

[@Talendale]

Foolish are those that do not bless the USB slot with the sanctified breath of the Machine Spirit, display the full workings with a rotation of the USB, and only then give the mechanisms the command to protect. Let this be a lesson in proper respect, once you have salvaged the small parts of your predecessor for purification.

[@HaroldoPinheiro-OK]

In the grim darkness of the far future, there's only Windows.... :P

[@VapingHolograms]

Windows very Grim. Linux, not so grim.

[@IVIaskerade]

I bet the animator wanted to include the tech-priest having to remove and flip the wafer over twice, but got overruled

[@barar4583]

i would think a Techpriest would have the sense to first try the other slots, then turn it off and turn it back on.

[@dylantucker5374]

Still can't believe they inserted it the correct way around the first time.

[@harmlessratz7151]

Rare footage of the Tech-priests testing Windows 10

[@noregrets5258]

I was shouting at my screen that she use a different port.

[@besttank4274]

unrealistic no one has ever inserted the usb drive slot on the right side the first time

[@arcuslux516]

This is what happens when you don't burn enough incense, light enough candle, and pray to the omnissiah before performing your daily work

[@mattx3020]

you cut the best part of the line, every time they say "spirit of this machine" i get shivers

[@Dostoron]

the sacred C was not recovered, and the mechanicus would suffer immensely for it, for only that most sacred of standards required naught but the insertion to function.

[@PandemoniumVice]

39,000 years and humanity is still having the same problem I had last week.

[@tangletailpro]

Honestly, the tech priest could have told them, "Just wait for a moment boys... I'll give you a proper fight... just need to get get this damned thing working."

[@tayschrinngaming8002]

i was looking away and thought all those disconnecting sounds were from MY USB devices going off

[@Waitwhat469]

Windows driver noises is how you know they really did stop making anything new lol

[@Furzkampfbomber]

Or they made tons of new OS and just liked the sound, so they've kept it each time.

[@petergriscom3431]

My Windows XP computer developed a quirk where the first time you plug in a USB, it wouldn't acknowledge it at all, but when you unplugged it and plugged it back in, it would work just fine.

[@coloniafg9760]

This is awesome! Havent laughed so much in a long while. Please make more edits of Hammer & Bolter

[@rnlansdownemobile]

The funny thing is if she ask a Cryptek he would ask her to delete System32

[@teamofone1219]

Tech-priest: HOW ARE WE IN THE FUTURE AND STILL HAVE THIS FUCKING PROBLEM? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[@animan095]

This is why the imperium cannot have nice things, the mechanicus always forget to update their drivers

[@Xingmey]

"You died" at the end had me rolling

[@gagaplex]

Honestly, I'm just surprised she got it plugged in on the first try. Usually, you have to turn it 180 degrees at least twice.

[@SB-129]

I was half expecting her to pull her own face off and scream like that failed cyborg from Robocop.

[@jakeg3733]

Holy shit this is hilariously accurate

[@ziggy78eog]

The Tech Priest forgot to invoke the Litany of, "rotating it 180°, reinserting the driver, pulling it out, rotating it again, and then inserting it, in it's proper orientation". Works every time.

[@narmale]

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU DID TO ME!?!?!?!? THAT SOUND OMG THAT SOUND OF BETRAL AND WEEKS OF WORRY AND HATRED!!!!

[@darth_dan8886]

There is 4 USB ports on that panel. There was enough time to try another one...

[@Furzkampfbomber]

The Techpriest most likely yanked all but the power lines from those ports, because he wanted to have spaghetti for lunch and seriously, who by the Omnissiah needs _four_ USB ports?

[@katanah3195]

​@@Furzkampfbomber Implying that techpriests eat wires... that's a good one.

[@Historyfrek4ever]

Oh the the truest horror of Adeptus Mechanicus’ dogmatic approach, they have forgotten how to use the safe removal command.

[@user-tq3cn9ct2e]

Rip :SaluteEmoji:

[@skybrid8502]

She didn't pray to the machine spirit hard enough

[@turnleft8645]

I literally checked my laptop and was like gosh what disconnected now? when the USB connection error played😂

[@Avaruusmurkku]

She's trying to plug USB-C to an Apple lightning port. Funniest shit I've ever seen.

[@pschaefer143]

"I was in the army signal core. What this thing needs is what we call a Brogan Adjustment" -Paulie Walnuts

[@dylanmontgomery5450]

orks "wats wrong tin umie, rusted ya pants"

[@DefaultFlame]

God damn, I thought something was wrong with my USB again.

[@BlackEpyon]

This is what happens when you forget to safely dis-mount the volume before yanking it!

[@JaredJanhsen]

The Tech Priest forgot the ancient ritual of Plug it in wrong, plug it in wrong again, then plug it in correctly.

[@tx88scorpio10]

Try blowing on the cartridge! … Oh.

[@positivelynegative3260]

From the moment i understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me.

[@Kia044]

You're supposed to blow on i... Oh...

[@BurnCorpoStuff]

This video is tech-heresy

[@buddysadventuregame1255]

As I realised the weakness of my machine, I began to regret my life choices

[@insertname9736]

Red pilled adeptus mechanicus.

[@thebighurt2495]

That's because your machine sucks. Get a new one.

[@asuris2646]

looks like someone forgot to pray to the machine god

[@CrniWuk]

Adeptus Mechanicus IT-Team : Yes Tech-Priest? What is it Tech Priest : The device does not accept my USB Drivers! Adeptus Mechanicus IT-Team : Did you try turning it off and on again?

[@Wilders-Serenity]

You forgot that Orks can’t aim and the tech priest lived longer than shown.

[@satriadicky3732]

My headcannon is the machine itself are scared so it refuse to protect the priest because if it stay put the Orks may leave it alone😂

[@Tampenismall]

Boomer guardsman: give me that *blow into USB*, here try again, should work

[@sonatabirdie]

I think the binary code translates to "you are not alone"

[@JohnPatrickCarroll]

The binary at the end appears to translate to "you died".

[@Demonskunk]

I fukken DIED at the windows sounds. I was not ready.

[@m.oudekerk63]

you have to pull it out and blow a prayer on it, that usually works

[@DereC519]

yet another fine addition to my "algorithm strikes again" playlist

[@IAm18PercentCarbon]

Didn't even try another port smdh 😂 techpriests these days can't worship the Omnissiah if they had to turn a radian to either side to face him 😂

[@TheKenchanx]

Exactly what I was expecting. My sides!

[@Galejro]

Oh theirony she had 3 other usb ports there dammit.

[@jacksonbowns1087]

"Even in the future nothing works!"

[@pandaberserk3390]

0:20 wasnt expecting that noise i was like now wtf aint working ont his pos computer!

[@officialdcshepard]

I love how one of the 40k memes was just like “The Emperor was the only IT admin in the whole galaxy and everyone’s stuck on Windows Vista.” 😂

[@rya3190]

I appreciate the binary at the end using Carriage Return+Linefeed. (it's what Windows uses for text docs)

[@Nexusdawn2049]

The machine spirt is offended

[@jb1139]

Missed a real opportunity for a Futurama joke at the end.

[@1forge2rulethemall88]

Another reason to not want to be in the imperium, next thing you know the last city that priest visited for maintenance will be be interrogated for traitors and dissidents. Better to be tau and at least have a basic understanding of how your own tech works (oh and you get a couple rights, a real novelty in warhammer)

[@sheilaolfieway1885]

yeah but Tau are slaves pretty much except for the farsight enclaves better to be Eldar. at least then your not dealing with faulty technology.

[@none-ro9dz]

​@@sheilaolfieway1885the etheral mind control thing isn't canon. it's just implied to make people stop complaining about how the tau aren't grimderp enough.

[@thebighurt2495]

​@none-ro9dz It's basically canon now. In the Gladius game, the Tau Commander multiple times has made up his mind on a course of action. Then the Ethereal walks into the room, says "No," and the Commander instantly changes his mind. At one point, he wants to mourn a subordinate who he had to have killed because she rebelled, but the Ethereal basically says to stop thinking about her and he immediately does. He notes that it feels like something in his mind is screaming at him for some reason.

[@thebighurt2495]

​@@sheilaolfieway1885One of my favorite things about the Tau is their name for Humans that have joined them. They call them "Gue'vasa." It means "Traitor." Yes, the Tau call the Humans who have embraced the Greater Good and renounced the Imperium "Traitors" in Tau. The Gue'vasa have no idea.

[@VapingHolograms]

@@thebighurt2495 TIL the meaning of gue'vasa

[@1992jkwj]

The "litany of half insertion then wiggling it a bit" would have worked wonders, or perhaps "the chant of blowing on it like its a fuckin NES cartridge"

[@FormerGovernmentHuman]

Adept! Bring forth the holy duster!

[@theholyduck5520]

Not gonna lie, had a brief moment of panic at that dreaded sound.

[@3dpprofessor]

Use of that sound effect should be illegal. I thought my USB drive was loose.

[@Fullchristainname]

“Time for the litany of percussive maintenance then.”

[@DataNotData]

That sound actually made me second guess if my plugged device is failing

[@tukangiseng]

obviously, he needs to perform the exhalation rituals, since by gently blowing air, the machine spirit will favors the port more.

[@neototem4110]

Try the port in the back soldered directly to the mobo...

[@docholliday7381]

He really is a a tech priest. He managed to put the usb in in first try. Usually youll need to flip it 3 times before it works

[@auzrael]

Silly priest, put the USB in upside down.