'AITA For Not Being My Sister's Surrogate?' -- Reddit Reactions

[@blackllistd5752]

Even if the girl wasnt bullied, she still doesnt owe anyone her body or eggs. end of story.

[@molliee5183]

Obviously I knew where this was going because of the title. When it started with the bullying thing I was like how does this matter. She don’t owe anyone Jack shit bullied or not

[@PuddilyOops]

It wasn’t clear that they wanted the egg to be OPs but if they did she’s going to join 1/2 her DNA with someone who ruined her childhood? She’s going to let a child of hers be raised by someone who made her life a misery? Hell no!

[@MorinozukaTakashi123]

@@PuddilyOops I’m pretty sure it would’ve been ops eggs too because the sister had her ovaries removed

[@plurpball3958]

I heard the title and immediately thought NTA. It doesn’t matter if she had initially agreed either

[@i_am_bisexual_or_something3132]

There was an update the half sister and Jacob literally wanted Jacob it to do the deed with the OP

[@gucci_trashcan_]

As someone who struggles with infertility issues, I would never expect either of my sisters to carry children for me, if I am not able to conceive myself, I will go through the proper channels, plus using family can cause so many things to go wrong and cause a lot of hard feelings. I don’t think she’s in the wrong here.

[@waltercross2481]

I agree, I would specifically not use my family especially if there is no contact, but even then that would still cause unpredictable heartache

[@larissawilson2100]

I agree, I’ve never thought of asking friends or family if they would have a child for me Bc most want their own for one and there’s other options and choices for people to have children.

[@isabeli.9481]

Also most surrogates are poor women who have little options besides selling their wombs to produce babies. And they face higher numbers of depression than other mother groups. I wish adopting was easier, people seem too fixated on the 'biological kids' need

[@danielaalvarex]

@@isabeli.9481 i totally agree with you, there’s many ppl that are too attached to the idea of having their own kids when there are some many kids in need and would like to have a family

[@yltirado]

I too I’m going through infertility and I agree with your statement

[@odette582]

If the sister is really that passionate about having a child they could adopt, or hire someone too be their surrogate, the fact she just expects her sister too carry essentially her and her former bullies child is disgusting

[@ZombieGoddessxi]

She seems like someone who is extremely entitled and likely wants a free surrogate. She’s probably also someone who doesn’t see adopted kids as real family.

[@emmyjulianne6850]

In Michigan it’s illegal to pay someone for surrogacy...the laws there are really messed up on surrogacy and adoption. Hopefully they’re not in Michigan!!

[@Lovethyself887]

She asked her because she wants to be related to her future daughter/son. As the kid’s half aunt, she wouldn’t be just some random step mum who got parental rights through paying the kid’s biological mum (had the surrogate been any woman other than the OP) for making the baby and donating her eggs. This way her sister donates and creates the baby, making the half sister who wants the kid its half aunt

[@isabeli.9481]

Also most surrogates are poor women who have little options besides selling their wombs to produce babies. And they face higher numbers of depression than other mother groups. Surrogacy its illegal because you are literally selling a women body and a baby. Adoption should be easier and the first option for people. That genetic and biological kid stuff its just egocentric in my opinion, and very harmfull to women

[@lizartfight9157]

ik this is an old comment but the sister is very entitled and it is worrying to think of her adopting a child and making it about her. adopting a child is about helping a child in need and if this woman cant be sympathetic to her own sister- i doubt she's going to be sympathetic to a child

[@ruthgovanbader]

How distant must she and her sister be if OP didn't even know who the fiance was?! Insane to ask her to be surrogate if they are not close enough for her to have even met her partner.

[@Katiiekat3]

Yeah it was stated that they weren’t sister like just more like friends 😣. Either way he tormented her and expects her to now bear him a child. Um no thanks

[@tealablu3759]

I mean, was she not invited to the wedding? Not even to be in the wedding party, just as a guest?

[@kanelovec4315]

I question if they were even married because the sister used the term partner not spouse or husband.

[@momedusa]

@@tealablu3759 it’s her fiancé

[@tealablu3759]

@@momedusa who is her fiancé? I’m referring to the sister

[@glitterlife2248]

Bullying someone because their reproductive system works and then wanting to use said reproductive system for their own good is kinda ironic don't ya think?

[@4swordsluver]

exactly what I was thinking..

[@venn6099]

Just throw karma at that fiance's face

[@mary-janereallynotsarah684]

Yeah like OP shoulda walked in there and said to him "hey, remember me? The girl whose eggs disgusted u so much u bullied me and made me contemplate unaliving myself? Don't worry, I'll never *violate* u again with my uterus. Bye forever."

[@nofacenofacetrinity]

😳

[@marianolasco251]

Can we talk about the duality of this situation. Bullying here so hard in high school for her having her period to then come back and expect her to give you a baby. I'm not very good with words but the fact that she was bullied for her period back in day its just...wow

[@nicolevolcy3511]

It’s ironic and I totally thought the same thing! Karma is a bitch!!!

[@stoicada2250]

its like its almost karma if u get what im saying

[@do.re.mi.2713]

didnt even think abt that just wow

[@kaelynmckim]

I call karma for him teasing her about her period. Now he can’t have kids with his partner, and they’re going to her for support. I’m calling it karma 😏

[@ChrissaTodd]

it's definitely karma lol

[@altinjpn]

That's disgusting. His karma is her having cancer and becoming infertile? Where is your humanity. Trash humans.

[@azajones03]

@@altinjpn oh don't be so sensitive about it. He was a turd, and the cancer portion and such os sad, dont get me wrong...but karma :)

[@melz4766]

Definitely 😂

[@samanthawalls2777]

Lesha I don’t think that’s what they meant I think they meant the karma was getting with someone who can’t have kids

[@wilhonbe]

My mom and sister got mad at me when I (18 at the time) didn't want to surrogate for her (my sister), I didn't even have children of my own yet🙃

[@gigiwoodlawn2142]

That is so messed up. I’m so sorry that happened to you.

[@Angie-zw8mo]

Omg crazy and you were so young

[@amirashaweshify]

That's so nutty, ppl need to accept the fate that they cant have kids

[@Nitaojo]

At 18 that’s so messed up I’m so sorry you had to go through that

[@alainamclaughlin3224]

Sorry you went through that! Legally, there are certain requirements to be a surrogate, including age (21-40 depending on practitioner), must have one healthy pregnancy/delivery, and be raising a child in their own home. There’s also specific BMI requirements and more.

[@jaleesastengel1747]

YOUR👏 UTERUS👏 IS👏 NOT👏 OWED👏 TO👏 ANYONE👏

[@PJ-rp5gb]

Felt all those claps!! And damn straight !!

[@-bpentertainment-7001]

Period sis

[@NameName-yj7lp]

YOUR BODY IS YOURS NOT MATTER family? Nope! Still yours! Friend? Still hours? Spouse? Still yours.

[@-bpentertainment-7001]

@@NameName-yj7lp exactly well said

[@-bpentertainment-7001]

@@NameName-yj7lp I clap you 👏👏👏

[@v.connected]

The bigger question is: has OP had kids? If she hasn’t then a doctor won’t sign off on her being a surrogate. There are too many possible complications if OP hasn’t been pregnant. But her half sister is a bully and it seems like she’s met her soulmate in Jacob. Two terrible people deserve each other.

[@i_am_bisexual_or_something3132]

There was an update the half sister and Jacob literally wanted Jacob to do the deed with the OP

[@vedivedi]

@@i_am_bisexual_or_something3132 ewwwww

[@slothisasin8240]

@@i_am_bisexual_or_something3132 That is terrifying

[@kalenagy]

@@i_am_bisexual_or_something3132 wow wtf

[@readaholicgirl_5]

😮😮😮 me reacting to this update. That a WHOLE new level of fucked up

[@Alovatololo]

A distinction needs to made. It's not that they want kids, they want biological kids. If having a child was that important then adoption would be a higher priority for people who can't conceive.

[@meguibo]

Bullying aside, it's the writers body and her choice if she wants to be a Surrogate or not

[@rachelhart3531]

Exactly it doesn’t matter what the reason is, if she doesn’t want to do it, she doesn’t have to.

[@jessicagomez3249]

Why would anyone have to sacrifice their body for someone else period?? Nobody owes anyone anything in this world. You ow it to yourself to stand by the decisions you make for your own life, not for someone else’s. Bully involved or not... she owes her sister nothing.

[@aestheticpunch_967]

Exactly nobody is entitled to your body even your family

[@XEveryoneLovesEmilyX]

That's like asking for an organ and this is not even a life and death situation. They just don't want to go through the proper channels to find a surrogate and even that can be a moral grey area. I don't get how someone can feel entitled to someone elses body.

[@cedricthegreatest]

Aside from the arguments made, just having to bear the child of your bully... jeez

[@DvlDg585]

I was also thinking that her sister cannot use her eggs and would possibly use her eggs which I think would be even more traumatizing

[@ccinco2094]

@@DvlDg585 i didn't even think of this. Thats crazy

[@Robiniela]

I find it weird that people feel an entitlement to have their own biological child even at the expense of someone else, surrogacy in itself rubs me the wrong way because you're treating someone like an incubater but feeling that you have the right to have a child is just so entitled.

[@Lovethyself887]

I am not sure which surrogacy I hate more. The “biological mum that makes her own baby and gives it up” surrogacy or the oven surrogacy aka I am nothing to this embryo except that I make it into a human.

[@practicalgamer4991]

@@Lovethyself887 why do you care 😐

[@practicalgamer4991]

@@Lovethyself887 not everyone wants to keep the kid or can do idk why you hate ppl giving babies up for adoption

[@practicalgamer4991]

also it’s ninth treating someone like and incubator if they literally choose to do so lol, they allow you to have them give birth to your child ._.

[@jomother142]

@@Lovethyself887 your first example isn’t surrogacy?

[@kristinapaxton9686]

If the sister really cared about her- she would break up with the fiance esp bc the poster almost killed herself over the bullying. They are not really family. She doesn't support her feelings over her trauma. They just share genetics.

[@mommymedusa7330]

Also still wanting a child with someone knowing what kind of cruelty they’re capable of? Even though they’re older you never know how much someone grows past that. What if they bully their own kids? Or her? Or teach the kids to be cruel too? And god forbid they had a daughter that had a cycle and then he’s too immature to handle it.

[@MiniMeags]

@@mommymedusa7330 I gotta disagree. Kids are cruel when they’re in middle school. Just because someone was cruel then doesn’t mean they’ve not grown up. OP has every right to be hurt still and hurt forever. I have to admit though, I think it’s shitty that he hasn’t apologised since. The sister obviously knows her fiancée in a different way than OP and she didn’t even know until they were already ENGAGED that he was like that to her. I do think the sister barely cares though. I will say that because if this was my sister and I, I would make him apologise and if he didn’t to me it would show he truly meant it and was a horrid being and that he didn’t love me anyway.

[@mommymedusa7330]

@@MiniMeags I think I should clear up what I mean. I in no way believe people can not change, but change is something that I believe to be both a constant and conscious effort. I do believe that tendencies learned in childhood linger and we are always capable of falling back into old habits. I want to give the benefit of the doubt, but it is always still possible to come out again. And the lack of apology is still kinda pushing me towards a lack of both acknowledgement and change.

[@Streetwisefirst]

If you want someone to be your surrogate and they say no, too bad. They have a right to say no. It is their body. Pregnancy is not a walk ins the park. There are so many complications that can happen during pregnancy, birth, and afterwards. Also there can be long term problems. How as a sister do you ignore the fact that this bully almost made her kill herself? She is not an asshole. She set those boundaries and stick to them.

[@theescorpio565]

There's a Chinese saying. When a woman gets pregnant, she steps one foot in the grave. The fact she could die giving birth is crazy and scary. No one owes you their body like that.

[@yanireyes134]

I think it was a good thing that it was him. It sounded like she was against it in the first place and could have been pressured into such a big decision if not for that.

[@shaggydoo1197]

The problem with surrogacy is that the woman going through the pregnancy is used as an incubator, as a thing, and she has to disassociate her body from her mind because she cannot care for that baby because she will not be able to raise him. Most of the women rented out to them are low-income and in need of the money. I can't really think of any woman who would go through a pregnancy just for fun, (cause it's not fun). The only reason why someone would continue the pregnancy is for the love of their baby but they just cannot develop that, because they know it will be removed. Also, I do not know any famous / rich person who has rented their belly, but I do know many rich women who rented the bellies of other women. Not forgetting how disastrous this industry is, in which if the baby is born with a problem or is even premature, the parents who pay to have it can abandon it and obviously, the woman who gave birth to it cannot keep it. There are cases. Adopt!

[@tmp123]

Surrogacy isn’t just like asking to borrow some cash from a friend, you’re literally giving up your whole life for 9+ months... not just by risking your own health/well being but also the impact on your career or career prospects and any personal relationships. How anyone could pressure someone into making a sacrifice like that, ESPECIALLY someone in their own family, is completely beyond me.

[@Ilikefrogs..]

Is it messed for me to say that this feels like “Jacob’s” karma? Making fun of a girl for her completely normal uterine functions, and then finding out your partner’s uterus is unable to function normally. I hope he never has children. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@madelineking8367]

It’s so sad that both of these girls had so much trauma surrounding their reproductive health at such a young age...and for it to be linked in such a freakishly coincidental way down the line is just wow.

[@vixievonlyn]

I'm almost 30 and I was horribly bullied the rumors lead to alot of sexual harassment I have had people tell me to just get over it it was highschool Or your still living in highschool move on And I live every day so I am moving on but I live with that trauma I have a diagnosis case of ptsd I go to therapy for it But some people just don't understand how bad bullying can truly be

[@TwoHotTakes]

Bullying is truly terrible. It can be life altering or even ending for some. So sorry you experienced what you did and I'm really glad you're getting therapy for it. Should not have to process and overcome that trauma alone ❤️

[@vixievonlyn]

@@TwoHotTakes its just sad I want people to know that there is no time limit on trauma there is no magical date you can just set out and be like I will be over this then I feel awful for the op because even if she's moved on and forgiven it doesn't mean she will forget that incident it doesn't mean that it still doesn't effect her knowingly or not We are a quilt of all are sadness,anger,joy,trauma,love and all are emotion we wouldn't have some of are greatest patches without some of are worst being there and we are always in the prosses of adding new patches and one day the good will out weigh the bad because with age we get more wisdom on how to make them better

[@karenbrown5785]

I mean bulling aside, she said that she wanted to say no to begin with and only agreed to think about it at all because she didn't want to hurt her feelings. She doesn't owe the sister the use of her body. Also she can always get a different surrogate, so saying she's ruining her chances of being a mother is ridiculous.

[@gabrielleurbina7020]

All of this aside, you can't be a surrogate unless you have had previous pregnancies lmao. She never would have been able to do it anyway

[@emikosage6545]

Really? I thought it was the opposite

[@tobegenevieve4856]

@@emikosage6545 they have to make sure you’re mentally going to be able to handle it, especially since the experience would be brand new to you. it lowers the chances of parental custody battles

[@Whitney2011100]

If your surrogate is a personal connection they do not need to have been pregnant before. They only require this is you’re a third party surrogate for someone. In the US to hire someone else you don’t know to carry a baby it can cost around $80k, but if it’s someone you know it’s closer to $35k (these numbers coming from a relative of mine who has had to look into it for themselves, so could vary) they do encourage choosing someone whose had a baby before but it is not a requirement

[@emikosage6545]

@@KK-pg3ze that makes sense. Thank you!

[@emikosage6545]

@@tobegenevieve4856 thank you for responding!

[@shaelynnmarie3301]

The idea that this other person thinks they have some kind of right to another human’s body is so horrific. I don’t care if you’re family or friends or whatever-you cannot demand the use of another person’s uterus. There are proper channels to go through for having a child. (Not to mention that others have already pointed out that surrogates have to have successfully carried a pregnancy to term before they are eligible.)

[@femkeeringa7228]

Even without the story of the bully, you don't have to surrogate for your sister or anyone else. Not everyone can give up a baby they've carried for 9 months.

[@Afteryouregone90]

Surrogacy is a lot to ask from someone regardless of her middle school bully, she wanted to say no from the start, it’s her body so she’s NTA regardless of the bully

[@NiViBee]

Hey fellow humans. We are not entitled to do anything for anything else. ANYONE. You get to determine who matters enough to you and who does not, okay? You matter. What you want matters. Your bounderies, saftey, and comfort matters.

[@mintythetrashcat7731]

My sister was bullied in elementary SO BAD she had to go to the er cause the bully snuck up behind her in the bathroom and kicked her in her privates. And my sister is autistic, so none of us wanna see that person again.

[@shelby_button]

My sister and I are extremely close and both of us have said we’d be surrogates if needed, organ donor etc etc. BUT if it came time where it was needed and she hesitated I’d NEVER be upset with her. You have no right to be mad that someone else won’t use THEIR body how you want them to. It’s NOT YOUR BODY.

[@skyesmith8936]

The fact she didn’t know who the fiancé was speaks volumes about how the sisters are not close enough to even ask

[@Gymnastmonkey9696]

Wait wait wait. They want her because then they can have the baby be partially related the mom and then... the dad too. So it would be Jacobs swimmers and OP’s egg right? TO BE CARRYING A BABY HALF GENETICALLY YOUR FORMER BULLY AHHHH too much

[@marli8907]

And to be carrying a baby that’s genetically yours just to HAND IT OVER to someone else!

[@jasperj.d.g.4147]

He's really good at letting her talk! He's a good listener and knows when to wait or start

[@amandaalvarado7091]

If they were really that close to ask her to be a surrogate, wouldnt she have known who the fiance was already?

[@kiritosenpai2585]

She said they weren't that close remember not as sisters but more as friends

[@LilMsSmiley55]

Probably asked her not because they are close but because then the child can be biologically related to her. (Assuming she lost her ovaries due to the cancer and also need op's egg)

[@tayloradams9911]

@@LilMsSmiley55 and you dont pay family

[@darinoku]

Expecting ANYONE to be a surrogate just because YOU want a baby weirds me out... Honestly, OP thinks she and her sister are friends, but it looks like her sister sees OP as an incubator. And to think about it, do people struggling with fertility issues really go for a surrogate option first? I am genuinely asking because it's a topic I am not really familiar with. I always thought that you'd rather go for IVF or something... But again, that is just my idea. And also, I wonder how their parents react to this conflict. Whose side would they pick? Anyways, I think OP's sister is in no position to demand OP to do ANYTHING with her family and moreover to blame her for her reaction.

[@victoriaodegaard1]

Not to mention that this kid would be the product of a guy who bullied a girl to the point of almost dying. That would be something they'd have to either hide from the child or tell them later on but either way, it's super crappy. It's OP's body and her half sister should be sympathetic and go a different route instead. The bullying just makes the situation even worse.

[@bri.janell13]

This girl didn’t want to be her surrogate even before she knew who the fiancé was. Her half sister can have babies with other people who sign up for that job. Not an asshole at all.

[@rustyleann7257]

You learn who ppl really are when you don’t give them what the want.

[@christina1986ify]

“Your bullying was super long ago, get over it you trauma baby!” “Well your ovarian cancer was super long ago. Get over it and get a cat.”

[@meganrodriguez815]

If anything, Jacob should realize that if he hadn’t bullied her, he could’ve had a kid

[@LizzieRoehrs]

It's so nice to hear you talk about going to college in high school. I was absolutely miserable in high school and completely skipped my senior year to go to college instead. Talk about a game changer.

[@katebrock2513]

I love this! My new favorite yt channel!

[@Zenhorizonsounds]

Yea same

[@Aloucette]

At least both of them are actually legit and use reddit content smartly. Some YT channels are only stealing the content, and it's sad and boring.

[@2d2rop3c]

Sameee

[@Cincy-x1m]

Yt?

[@shelbejosephine3498]

I was bullied when I was 11 and 12 and all my years before 11 I’m 22 now I still remember every word and every detail of what was said and by who it’s wild when people say get over it

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

NTA, just because you’re infertile that does not mean you have the right to feel entitled to rent another woman’s womb so you can be satisfied with having a biological child.

[@Karabo_Mash]

Not the a**hole. I mean even if there wasn't any animosity, no one is entitled to another's bodily integrity. And just thinking about how hard pregnancy is; you can't want to expect someone to do it for you if they don't want to.

[@keelyspalding261]

I haven’t gotten through the video yet so maybe you guys will say this but.... dude it doesn’t matter if the fiancé was a guy she actually liked and she was super closer with her sister. Either way she doesn’t have to give up her body so that her sister can have a baby. As someone who just had a baby you go through SO much mentally, emotionally, and physically. I couldn’t even imagine doing it for someone else because you’re going to build a connection with that baby rather they’re actually yours or not. It’s her body and that is her choice. So no she is not the asshole, her sister is the asshole for assuming that her sister would be okay with sacrificing her mind/body so that she can get what she wants. There’s so many other routes. Ask a close friend or if you have to pay for one..

[@advicepals]

I wouldn’t do it for my full sister. I hate being pregnant and I’d never do it without the reward of the baby at the end. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Pay someone or adopt. It’s sad you had cancer but she didn’t cause it and she doesn’t have to pay for it. Plus it sounds like she doesn’t even have kids herself. Why would she do it for someone else before experiencing for herself.

[@mrsanonymous414]

I feel like I may be asked to do this in the future. My bil and his gf can’t have babies, really, and have discussed surrogacy with my mil... who, in turn, brought up ever so awkwardly that they couldn’t find anyone they trust to my husband and I. If they ever do ask, I am certain, no doubt, it will be the fastest and firmest ‘no’ of my life. Hopefully it never does.. got enough in law issues as it is, I don’t need another fight over someone’s entitlement.

[@belladonnabudgets7362]

Entitiled! The OP is not the sister's only option. At the end of the day, it is her body and surrogacy can put the carrier's life at potential risk, if there are any hidden issues. And, "get over it!"? Yeah, no.

[@mst-pierrem5729]

Bullies are awful. I remember I had a chance to make a clean slate at a new school but I chose to stick with this girl who was bullied with her entire grade. So, I ended-up being one of her closest friend for her entire lifetime because she died of disease she didn't know she had at 25. It took me until university to finally be over with the trauma those years have been... I think people don't realize that even if we grow out of it and they were children and grew themselves out of it, there are forever scars there!!

[@niabright]

The guy literally traumatized her as a kid and she still has issues with him so i wouldn't want to be around him at all. Also I would never ask my sister to do something like that even if i did it would be her choice because it's her body. Another thing is she didn't even promise her that she would do it she was taking time to think and said no so oh well her body her choice.

[@greenbeacon394]

Asking somebody to be a surrogate is right up there with asking for a kidney. If someone says no to that you have no right to be angry with him regardless

[@chaijohnson4056]

Even if that wasn’t her bully she’s not the asshole for saying no. It’s her body and she doesn’t have to give up her body and physical and mental health for anyone else’s baby.

[@ambersmith1176]

So Jacob bullied her for her having her period, basically for an accident involving a bodily function that is necessary for her to be able to habe children at all, and now he and his partner want to use that body to grow their baby in

[@erinwhipple4666]

I don’t even need to hear the explanation. NTA. You have absolutely no obligation to let anyone use your body.

[@Lovethyself887]

you don't pay family and also the kid is related to her future adoptive mum, she would be the biological half aunt and not some random step mum who adopted her.

[@readaholicgirl_5]

Its worse than just carrying the baby for 9 months. The sister, Tia, had ovarian cancer at 14 so my guess is they cut those out, so she doesn't have eggs (so to speak). She's also asking for essentially OP's eggs too unless she's using some donor's egg with her bf. Then there's the middle school bully Jacob. Maybe he's changed, but that doesn't erase what he did. If he had stabbed OP a hundred times over the course of months and never apologized, doesn't mean if he says one "I'm sorry" it doesn't erase all the stab wounds. They are there. She'll never be the same as before even if it was "a long time ago". So if I'm guessing Tia probably wants OP's egg, Jacob's sperm, and OP as the incubator. Like OP is gonna have the toughest 9 months because she'll forever have a child linked to her middle school bully, have that kid within her orbit because of her sister and I know Jacob could be entitled into thinking since she said yes she's "forgave him". Plus, its not like if she's the surrogate its: bye see you in 9 months when i give birth. They'll be present for the entire pregnancy, probably stomping boundaries in her privacy with doctor appointments, birthing plans, just EVERYTHING. Hard no, NTA 100%

[@heartandseoul1299]

I cannot get pregnant naturally and I would NEVER EVER ask anyone I know to be a surrogate for me. It’s not anyones job to do something so big for me. Plain and simple.

[@kayleeodonnell9890]

As someone who is infertile myself. I would never ever expect someone to do that for me! No harm asking but to get mad is out of order ‘Jacob’ or not. You can’t get mad cuz someone doesn’t wanna grow your child for you! Definitely not the ahole. The ‘sister’ is the ahole

[@i_am_bisexual_or_something3132]

There was an update the half sister and Jacob literally wanted Jacob to do the deed with OP

[@Meggsie]

"Am I the asshole for choosing not to be the surrogate?" No. Never. There isn't a single obligation you could have where this is the case. Only say yes if you want to.

[@CR-vb6eq]

She could just get someone else to be her surrogate it very manipulative to says it's her one chance at having a child 😂

[@MsFallenAngel90]

But then she would have to pay for it. I bet OP would have to do it for free.

[@Ellie-ub7qo]

It’s not her responsibility to help her sister with pregnancy. Like bruh, the sister has no right to talk to her that way

[@ShizukaAoki]

bullying her for being fertile..... how that karma hits back lmaoooooooooooo

[@aimeea5528]

Before even watching the video and not knowing the circumstances she is NTA. No one owes anyone their womb.

[@rachaelf5310]

I had a childhood bully, who actually saw me when his brother was registering for college. I was registering his brother, and he pulled me to the side to apologize, which was nice. He unfortunately took his life because he didn’t want to do another tour in Afghanistan. We graduated months before 9/11 he went into the Army after we graduated.

[@blissful1648]

The nerve to tell her to get over it. I may be mean but I would just answer "Yeah, why don't YOU just get over it instead? Just get over the fact that you can't have kids"

[@potocatepetl]

Well, if her friend expects her to get over it, then he should act as mean and tell her to get over the fact that she is infertile. See how that feels..... Independent on who the guy is, it is NOT expected for her to get pregant for someone else. Having a child is a huge commitment and change in your life/ health status/professional status and so on. For a long time! When it is yours, you at least have a baby at the end, but in her case.... she won't have that. I would also not underestimate the pain of giving away a baby that grew for 9 months inside you and that you formed a connection with. Let them get a professional carrier, that they will have to support and pay for at least the health related issues that more than often arrise during pregancy.

[@katie4395]

All though I do feel bad for the half-sister she set herself up for failure when she automatically assumed that she would be the surrogate, plus the other woman didn't even want to she was just trying to be nice and now knowing that the potential father would be the middle school bully that traumatized her is just the cherry on top for why she wouldn't want to be a surrogate for her not to mention the fact that they even arent that close.

[@JF-bc1px]

She can withdraw consent to her body at any point.

[@bshoringa]

She doesn’t owe her half sister anything!

[@yeahinfiresmann]

I was also bullied by this girl who made fun of me when I opened up about my parents divorce and ed and possible depression and how I almost kms, she said she would laugh at my funeral and she told everyone in the class about it when I told her not to. And her and my friends all made fun of me for it behind my back.This hurt a lot because we had been friends for years but she didn’t see it like that. She was a toxic Christian and told me I shouldn’t feel like that because god makes everyone happy. Then when I told her I was doubting my faith she immediately said I was going to hell. She also made fun of my race and my families food and she made fun of my abuela for how she spoke English. Honestly she was the worst person to ever be in my life and she gave me horrible trust issues and if I was in this situation and my brother was engaged to her and they wanted me as a surrogate i would say hell no and never speak to them together again.

[@celestesharp6120]

The sister is now being an entitled bully and I wonder if Jacob may be bullying the sister, as I don't buy that they both didn't realize that he'd been OP's childhood bully. Is Jacob just using the sister to get at OP?

[@kalenagy]

@ Celeste Sharp ukr

[@KE-hr4sb]

First off, OP very likely could not even be a surrogate for her sister. You have to carry a healthy child to term before the law will allow you to be a surrogate (depending on where you live, of course). Secondly, it's ironic that she thinks OP should "get over" being bullied since it was "so long ago," but by that argument, why hasn't she come to terms with her infertility, since her cancer was so long ago? Point being, some things scar you for life no matter how long ago they were (and I've struggled with infertility due to endometriosis, plus have had miscarriages. I'm not unsympathetic to sister my point is simply that her time limit rule is bs).

[@autumnsagestumblingbearsmi6689]

I saw this on tiktok but it was a repost so I couldn't find the original people. Thank God It popped up on my KZbin recommended

[@genniferholman9167]

She's NTA. And yes, bullying is traumatic. I was bullied pretty bad through out school. When I was in 8th grade, I had my 5th open heart surgery, and when I came back to school from it, one of my bullies looked me in the face and said she had hoped I was dead. I almost died during my surgery. I've never forgotten that

[@sadieann1036]

I had that exact same bullying situation in highschool over the same thing. Still traumatized.

[@riverbierle2203]

*bullies someone in middle school for being fertile* *partner is infertile* Jake: *surprised Pikachu face*

[@j12300]

The sister is now bullying her sister into becoming her surrogate. She still has the option to hire a surrogate. It’s not OP’s fault

[@lyss778]

I feel for the sister my older sister had a similar thing happen and my other sister says she could donate a egg to her (she's the only sister that shares full blood the rest of us only share a mom. So she is the best option)

[@elizabethmccready]

I remember being called beak nose in like 7th grade, and I remember being bullied in 10th grade. I remember a lot of the crap those people said to me and it changed how I viewed myself physically. That was like 15+ years ago and I still remember it clearly. There's no way on God's green earth that I would ever put my body through that for any of those people. Not even the ones who actually apologized (which was maybe 1 or 2 out of many). NTA in any way, shape, or form. They need to adopt or ask someone else. No one owes her a baby.

[@jadecoco6360]

One chance to have a child??? That’s manipulation….

[@PrincessLily84]

My friend & I worked together. A guy who we worked with harassed me several times. Almost got me fired because my boyfriend told him “Leave her alone!” She said “But he’s so hot. I really want to date him.” Throw the whole relationship away. She wasn’t my friend and this girl is not a good “sister” to OP.

[@SCordova19]

Being a surrogate is a really huge gift to give someone. But it’s a huge burden on the surrogates body and emotions. Her sister can adopt or find another surrogate and I don’t think she’s the asshole. She already didn’t want to do it from the jump and it’s not something she should let herself be bullied into. Her sister is just trying to bully her the same way Jacob did.

[@celzam845]

if she said yes she would literally would be carrying her bully’s baby for nine months-

[@mommymedusa7330]

I feel like we also have to consider that not everyone changes growing up. What if they did have a kid and it was a daughter who would end up having the same issues she did and he’d be unsympathetic. I feel like knowing that someone was that much of a bully at one point, and could still possibly be capable of it, is a huge red flag. ESPECIALLY if you want him to raise children.

[@LolaPolly100]

How can u expect anyone to basically rent out their bodies to you for 9 months

[@BreakfastML]

Okay there are other people she could ask; she could adopt. This is not the only opportunity and even if the guy wasn’t a terrorizing bully if she doesn’t want to be a surrogate than her sister has to respect it; it’s very important “work”; it’s 9 months of a commitment where you have to make life changing choices and its also your health. I’m very sorry for the sister and her pain tho :/

[@joanacifre9169]

I was bullied for years when I wasn 6 to 11-12 years old and I'm 22 now and it will always remain with me, hell I have confidence and self esteem issues to the day although I'm getting better, and as you said, I could go back to the school and tell you the places where they insulted me (it was never physical, but still) I could pick their faces out from the crowd 15 to 10 years later nd I will fucking hide is I see them, I am still angry, they apologised because they had to so honestly to the sister, to fucking hell with you!

[@-bpentertainment-7001]

As someone who was bullied I don't think the sister gets how much it can effect you. For example the bully used to make fun of my dancing and as stupid as that sounds I still can't dance in front of anyone or anything that I feel like a person could hide in or behind because I'm scared I'll be made fun of again

[@everleighxoxox]

Let this be a lesson to ALL of you. Things like this happen all the time because everything always comes full circle, whether in this lifetime or the next. Dude needs to feel this. Maybe now he will have the wherewithal to understand how his seemingly “insignificant” actions can negatively affect him and his loved ones yeaarrrsss later in the most unexpected ways. That kid never in a million years thought that him bullying a girl in middle school would result in him not being able to have a somewhat biological child with his wife over a decade later. Hopefully now he will be more thoughtful, compassionate, and reflective. Not the asshole 😌

[@laceybrady5013]

My brother and sister-in-law asked me, and of course I said yes. I would love to help them, until I saw my sister in law actually throw knives at my brother…. Then she started telling everyone that would listen that she decided to let him live, that she held a knife to his throat and decided ( sarcastically) that he could live to take care of the baby. I said no that same day. I didn’t feel comfortable bringing a baby into that situation. ( I also tried to get my brother away from this crazy b*tch but he wouldn’t listen)

[@Roanmonster]

Ok but imagine carrying the literal child of your bully, as in, the foetus which was made from his seed. That sole fact would disgust me beyond belief

[@gnocchipr1nc3ss]

OP wouldn’t have been the reason the sister didn’t get to have a kid either. She can always get someone else to do it, adoption is also always an option. So at the end of the day if she has other options then OPs not preventing her from having a kid, she is. Even if she had no other options OP still wouldn’t have been responsible. It would be the bully’s fault. Plus OP has every right to say no, even if there was no history with the guy. Women (and just people in general) have the right to decide what happens to their body no matter how badly someone else will benefit from it.

[@gnocchipr1nc3ss]

To add to that, OP never went back on her word. She said she’d think about it. And even if she did, withdrawing consent is still a thing and it should be respected. You are not entitled to a persons body even if they agreed previously to participate in something.

[@RinaChanMZM]

Wasn’t ta before know who’s the father. Definitely nta after discovery...

[@sammichmaker4021]

Wow. Once the sister found out, she should have backed off and been more empathetic Im trying to imagine what it would do to me knowing I was carrying, feeding and being kicked/punched by my bully/Tormentors child. That Id have to at holidays and family gatherings. Not saying it is the childs fault or issue but its difficult to form a bond. And knowing what this person did on such a deep level, Id be packing my bags and get out of towns rarely coming home for families gatherings just to avoid him. Ughh 😢😢 such a sad and horrible situation

[@annlouisegarbutt5426]

Regardless of her being bullied, it’s her body. She should only EVER carry a child if she wants to. She doesn’t need a reason, an excuse or explanation for her decision. Her body, her rules, her decision. No questions!

[@buttaripple]

this should be a lesson to Jacob. Your actions come back to you full force. Karma is a bitch.

[@ladycthulhu8566]

The fact that because she was the violator you rely on her now to carry a child otherwise impossible is the most incredible karma though.