This Book Made Me a Happier Person

[@DoctorAzmain]

I've been meaning to read this book for AGES! My friend recently said to me: "If you're able to please everyone, you're doing something wrong." So true - if you want to make a meaningful difference for yourself and for other people, you're gonna piss someone off along the way and have to deal with it!

[@lestersalamba2840]

If you’re looking for books relatively similar I suggest Happiness by Thich Hanh. So much wisdom and insight coming from a monk.

[@tanyasharma2864]

I would like to comment on: "If you're able to please everyone, you're doing something wrong." The goal is to be yourself and understand what brings you happiness. This happiness might come from pleasing people around you, making them happy and avoiding conflict. It does not necessarily mean that "If you're able to please everyone, you're doing something wrong."

[@JoviBootlegs90]

This is exactly why people are unhappy. They live every day lives trying to please the people surrounding them

[@jogifromearth5118]

You don't "have to deal with it". That's the other persons task ;)

[@Ranjeet-r7e]

Which book ​ can u please tell me ?@@tanyasharma2864

[@wordsofinsight5456]

“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

[@thasaklopp6848]

Thanks for your feedback. Send me a direct msg, I have something to share with you..........

[@maxandliv]

You can't go wrong with this beautiful quote

[@Pollymichaelis]

And the idea was from Epictetus

[@demiadeoye]

So true

[@lestersalamba2840]

Reading honestly frr is one of the best things I’ve done this year. I try to read at least a book a week by diving the pages into 5 days. Your overall focus, verbal recall, and even memory changes. I love it.

[@Atlas92936]

I could really use the verbal recall and memory benefits. Can you explain the changes you've seen?

[@lestersalamba2840]

@@Atlas92936 Essentially remembering what you read and hear. I find myself very focused and present within the moment during my literature sessions. The more you continue to read it’s like a muscle that strengthens within your brain that enables you to do that task more efficiently and you start to notice it seeps into other areas of your life and for me that was verbal recall and memory. I’d also like to add I’ve also noticed clear sentence structure and iterating my points much more intellectually then I previously was able to.

[@colllo]

When do you do the other stuff ... I mean ifeel like I literally have no time to read

[@Lulu-oi9ue]

I did the same thing couple years ago. I will be doing this again. I have been reading more fictional and want to read more non fictional. I have started going to library with my daughter and we enjoy spending time picking out our books.

[@lamthaotran19]

@@lestersalamba2840 I've been re-reading Deep Work by Cal Newport and this sounds exactly something I should do to improve my ability to focus. Thank you.

[@ands1894]

I was about eight, visiting my maternal grandparents, when my wise granny said to me, “You can’t please everyone.” She was astute enough to pick up on my people pleasing ways. She passed away last year but her wise words are with me. The courage to accept that not everybody is going to like you comes with the understanding that you can’t please everybody.

[@pmw3839]

There was a song: “You can’t please everyone, so you might as well please yourself.”

[@Omegaverse-s2m]

Be happy 😊

[@InereIronheart]

With being sick being an interpersonal relationship problem I think of it like this: If you were sick and there was no-one else in the world ever, would it be a problem? The reason why it is a problem that you are sick and/ or dying isn't internal, it is because of your knowledge of other people being alive and well that makes you believe you have a problem.

[@khalilahd.]

I’ve actually heard about this book! “The courage to be disliked” is definitely on top of my to read list so this book club episode is perfect 🙏🏽 being able to take wisdom from books to create a happier and healthier life is why I love your channel and keeps me in the pursuit of self growth

[@lestersalamba2840]

I suggest you read books made by monks. Happiness by Thich Naht Hanh is probably one of the best I’ve ever picked up.

[@DrPatrickKingsep]

@@lestersalamba2840 Hi again, Patrick from Mind Life Flow here...yes, Thich Naht Hanh has some wonderful books and insights in general. I agree! This book is also very good - different but worthwhile.

[@brittthebeat6175]

You are all over lol if this is an advertising tactic for your channel it's working cause I ended up watching your video, well played lol

[@Tahani2006]

@@brittthebeat6175 lmao fr

[@howisjason]

As simple and naive as it may sound, I became a lot happier ever since I decided to make happiness a priority. Here's one example, we're always told the same old things like eat healthy, get moderate physical activity, have a consistent sleep schedule, practice gratitude, etc. And I think on a surface level we all KNOW that those are beneficial to us but despite KNOWING, we often don't DO. And it's totally understandable too, because much of these things may be difficult or boring or simply unappealing... But it's almost a fact of life that IF we did those, our general quality of life will increase. Over the years I gradually started to prioritize things that made me healthy and happy, and life has treated me a lot better since.

[@GINGERJOI]

This was so good you are so right!! I'm in very beginning stages of reevaluating my life and I'm understanding this as well. You said it perfectly.

[@maxandliv]

That's so true! When we start taking care of the fundamentals, the dominos begin to create a better quality of life

[@wge621]

Yes. I did the same and am generally very happy! It also staves off depression

[@joyberly4409]

This.

[@pranjal4507]

This was not just a review but a video on how to actually read books. Great work Ali😊 Can't imagine a book review being so good ❤❤this level of authenticity and connection with your audience is really awe-inspiring

[@aliabdaal]

Thanks so much! 😊

[@sarhan_]

@@aliabdaal you’re welcome!

[@shahadshahd8549]

@@aliabdaal Can you please make a video about guidlines for writing research and some suggestion for med students

[@shahadshahd8549]

@@aliabdaal Can you please make a video about guidlines for writing research and some suggestion for med students

[@francis_n]

6:25 - "Constructing the emotion of anger and using it for a justification for your action you chose to do anyway". Will Smith popped into my mind immediately after initially laughing along at the joke, then looking at his wife and making a choice to act and construct the anger afterwards

[@Lulu-oi9ue]

Yes I agree. It wasn’t a trauma response that’s instant as soon as the comment was made. There was a time period where he could’ve turned the other cheek.

[@NitinKumar-ml5tx]

I love the way he appears so genuine and truthful in his speech, I wish that I could also pratice and work on my communication skills to be that transparent through my thoughts to speech.

[@mehditate]

3 Tips to Better Self Awareness: A thought diary is a foundational place to begin increasing self-awareness. Keep track of thoughts that pop up in the form of an automatic reaction. Track your level of emotion to the stimulus (Your reactions - these can be mental or physical) Amazing video ALI!

[@alexislapuz687]

7:01 Stimulus + Feeling can be seen as Choices => To Change the Sory about our Ourselves/Environment => Empowerment to Change out Response/Feelings -Anger or Calm? -Fear or Courage? -Misery or Joy?

[@SYPCWAK]

I totally agree with having the choice to be angry when coffee is spilled on you. If the person spilling the coffee is clearly someone strong enough to break you like a twig, you are most likely going to not get angry (for self-preservation’s sake) and tell the spiller to not worry about it. Or maybe the spiller is an overly beautiful woman and the spilling “victim” is a single male looking for a girlfriend. The victim will also most likely choose to not get angry and display how calm and collected he is (displaying he is a suitable mate) to the beautiful woman. Thanks for the book review and video.

[@thewahid.]

Or maybe he is a nice person.

[@chivonnecampbell]

As a parent you nailed it. I want to add that it makes your highs higher and your lows lower. So while daily you can't enjoy your hobbies and alone time as you would when you are single or without kids, when you see them hit a home run and the smile on their face....indescribable how happy you are

[@BeingIntegrated]

OK just a point about trauma, that yes the meaning we make out of it is very significant, but also it's a real thing around the function of our nervous system, meaning you can actually not remember the trauma (lot's of people blockout memories of childhood trauma) but still suffer the symptoms of trauma. I guess the most accurate way to say it is there are many dimensions of trauma, and our cognitive processing of the experience is important and can be worked with, but our nervous system also needs to be addressed. I don't think many people understood that until the last few decades, where Somatic Psychology has gained a lot of recognition as an important discipline.

[@SB-fh3sv]

I couldn’t agree more. I was dealing with continued trauma in my marriage and although I didn’t dwell on those events and i stay relatively happy eventually i realized that my body felt constantly tired. I thought i might have an autoimmune disease after a year I realized that it was from my trauma. It was like my body had been rewired and i had to work on internal healing. It took work and i realized that even though i was strong everyone had limits

[@i-Scorrpion]

​@@SB-fh3svcan you expand a little on 'internal healing'?

[@Kidkromechan]

There is a part 2 of this book too and I actually try to follow all the teachings. It makes so much sense to me. Like how we are all connected, and be okay with being normal, and we actually feel the feelings that benefit us so we have control of what we choose to feel. So much good wisdom in there.

[@sagarapatel249]

I decided to read this amazing book, after you and Taimoor mentioned it on one of your Q&A videos. It is quite good. It goes deep in question and its answers as to why we can't find happiness and then provides good solution. Boy portraits our complications well and Philosophers gives proper answer and advice. It really well written book.

[@_aiborie]

So that's why I feel happy helping people. That was validating. I was worried I was being a people pleaser. Probably a balance between the two. Thank you for making this book review Ali! 📚

[@maxandliv]

I believe it's in our DNA to help others because we're social animals. I, too, feel thrilled to help people!

[@apcollections]

Sure, we all do. But the book actually says, "don't look for validation" :) Honestly, it's not just helping others and being happy; there is much more to it. "Contribution to others" has been explained superbly in the book. For eg., how do newborns contribute?

[@_aiborie]

@@apcollections I've read the book. Be pedantic elsewhere, don't care.

[@noorulainnaseem6298]

I love this review, a bit tired of the trauma and therapeutic culture. In my life I have realized that adding value to something and being acknowledged gives true meaning and happiness. Although my job is pretty boring from the outside (lecturer at University) but I love being with young people and the whole environment of academia. I am very happy I quit accounts though it was very lucrative and did switch to social sciences. Thanks ali for sharing this book .

[@DimitarParvanov27]

Just finished this book and it changed how i see the world and people around me. Amazing !

[@atillahsani5063]

"don't do someone else task". as someone who always put others before myself, this video really help me understand myself better.

[@ronstan3064]

Great video!!!! You are very good at explaining things…

[@AlejandraXio]

I have been chronically I’ll since 16 and let me tell you the physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional and mental pain of how my interpersonal relationships have caused me from being physical I’ll. Having a disability isn’t hard but living in a world not made for us is. So I do believe all of our problems are about the quality of our interpersonal relationships.

[@SeductionSaga]

@lalazysusan I can feel it

[@lefajoseph3752]

Respect for your consistency in posting and all the work that comes with it.

[@milanvuki]

One of the most eye opening books I’ve ever read, so glad you did a video on it to show it to a larger audience

[@lestersalamba2840]

Benefits of reading according to science lol 1. Better vocabulary 2. Better communication skills 3. Stress relief 4. Depression relief 5. Health benefits 6. Slows age related cognitive decline 7. Makes it easier to empathize 8. Improves imagination. Please can I get at least 10 likes

[@exploretheadventure9444]

10 likes and one comment

[@fabio.1]

Here or to go?

[@wiandryadiwasistio2062]

how about a dislike, young man? 👎👎👎

[@ThreeTwentyTech]

Your videos make me happy.

[@jonny-mp3]

I think my biggest take away from the book was the idea of Horizontal relationships. This helped me idolising people and gave me the freedom to be myself because we are equal. The seperation of tasks then gave me the courage to be myself.

[@WzrdArmon]

Yes yes yes, I’m at the beginning of the horizontal relationships part and it’s just hitting home. You don’t even realize how much you’ve been participating in vertical relationships your whole life

[@lovergirlmp3]

I have a Masters in psychology and still didn't hear much about Adler until I read this book... It's one of my favorite books & the concept of tasks and separating my tasks from everyone else's immensely improved my outlook on life and my mental health.

[@Nabamyopu]

"What people think is not our task " best line ☺

[@thasaklopp6848]

Thanks for your feedback. Send me a direct msg, I have something to share with you..........

[@lameeya21]

for real

[@JoviBootlegs90]

Actually my friend said similar thing long before 'it's not our problem'. We have to differentiate which problems are ours and which are not

[@deepanshichopra5973]

Read this book recently. It's such a gem. Squeezes the true purpose of life in a few words. Highly recommend!

[@amyyy0790]

My takeaways: - focus on my tasks, and let others focus on theirs. Other people's opinions are theirs, not mine to worry about. This approach will get rid of many of our life (relationship) problems. - our interpretation of events in our lives make them good or bad, helpful or harmful. We can choose. - our emotions don't justify our response to stimuli. Emotions don't dictate our actions, we always get to choose our own actions. - learn to be okay being disliked. It's not our responsibility/task to please everyone. That's up to them.

[@mad-vu6cg]

love the last point so much❤️

[@Vic-1618]

Thank you for sharing our summary - I bought this book last weekend and got a bit stuck upon chapter 2... I am looking forward to dive in again

[@popcornproductions9579]

Honestly Ali, watching your book reviews changed my perspective on book reading and on life. You make it so appealing and interesting. As someone who was never interested in books I’ve become INVESTED in becoming a better person. Watching you has inspired me to start my own book review series, so thank you and keep going 💪🏽💯

[@otakumultifandom]

Ah yes! He's so well spoken🥲💖

[@kevjapan]

Your point at 5:02 seems up my feelings about self-help books completely! Take the points that work for me and ignore the ones that don't. No need to buy in to everything the author is promoting. Love your book reviews!

[@thasaklopp6848]

🔝🔝🔝🔝 Thanks for your feedback. Send me a direct msg, I have something to share with you.........

[@warriorwomen4821]

My beautiful Mum is in hospital after urgent heart surgery- she has been a psychoanalyst her whole working life. This resonates beautifully with her work and life philosophy….I loved studying Adler’s psychology back in the day. Thanks for the share😊

[@thasaklopp6848]

🔝🔝🔝🔝 Thanks for your feedback. Send me a direct msg, I have something to share with you.........

[@as8212]

Videos are fantastic, man. One of the video you mentioned about an approach to handle tasks where the approach should be "This is gonna to be fun" its really works Ali. No where I see those quotes mentioned in any of the 1000+ videos I watched on KZbin. ONE RECCOMENDATION: FEEL LIKE YOU ARE SPEAKING SO FACT. PLEASE DECREASE THE SPEED OF YOUR VOCAL. Keep Going

[@thasaklopp6848]

🔝🔝🔝🔝 Thanks for your feedback. Send me a direct msg, I have something to share with you.........

[@omarafunitv]

I personally found that my courage to be disliked has grown over many years of self development. I am now perfectly ok with being disliked knowing that I do my best to live my life being authentic, kind, and brave, as well as accepting that I could never be liked by everyone - which is a liberating thought. Great video as always.

[@delight3397]

This video is one the best video till now, you were working from ur Heart. I m surely coming to London to meet you someday! Hope

[@bycryptoface5660]

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[@bycryptoface5660]

I got something profitable for you

[@Bostonaholic]

I love these book club videos. Thank you for making them.

[@imsoyam]

I read this book about an year ago and was quite fascinated with theories that look extremely contrasting to our beliefs and have also recommended it to a lot of people... It sure was a great book✌

[@maxandliv]

What's your biggest takeaway from the book?

[@stevesimmons6500]

Your best vid in years Ali , (been watching for 4-5 years )you could easily have spent an hour on this topic .wonderfully thought provoking , engaging and stimulating bravo .i will rewatch this again its that good .

[@wastsapme...510]

Hit me up 👆....

[@holohusky]

When I saw the book I right away knew I had to write a comment because of how much the book changed my life and opinions. One of the best book I have ever read.

[@Sazad101]

Thanks for the recommendation🥂

[@sakinakheriwala8736]

My fav book!♥️ Love the conversational style between the philosopher and youth. So glad you did a review on this one!

[@thasaklopp6848]

Thanks for your feedback. Send me a direct msg, I have something to share with you...

[@skywriter9359]

My task: express my appreciation of your review. I liked this book a lot for new ideas to me. Thanks Ali. You are always interesting and so genuine.

[@OriAlfassi]

YESS LOVING ALL THE BOOK VIDEOS LATELY! 😍😍

[@adithy1000]

That is an amazing book I have read during 2022..the more I read it, the more I realised or started to understand myself in a rather simple yet interesting way... it's great for those who struggle to know or understand themselves, especially who think a lot about themselves...the part where "all problems are interpersonal problems" helped me understand relationships as a very important thing as a human being.

[@saadisara4078]

This is exactly what I need at the moment 😃.... Thanks Ali 💖

[@Ness-nq2mo]

This is my first time watching a video from you and I’m hooked. The way you talk, explain concepts, it’s such a fresh perspective. Subscribed!

[@Janice_Long]

I am halfway through reading this book and I am so glad you talk about it! One of my favourite books thus far :)

[@matheusfelipe7318]

After 10 minutes of Ali Abaal's video I feel like I've watched a whole movie . He talks super fast and , for a english learner like me , i'ts kind of a never ending video . It has a lot of information .

[@swayam7321]

I love ❤ the theory of hedonic adaptation which you've explained in the video of motivation, stress management with Paul and Katherine.

[@johnnyede]

Dude, I started reading profusely a few years ago. I don’t know why (and can’t believe that) I stopped because I used to devour book especially stem book and fictional “wisdom-parting” story books. Jumping back into the reading has been awesome. The other day I found myself spending 3 hrs looking all over for good so I’ll definitely take this into the recommendations!

[@wastsapme...510]

Hit me up 👆....

[@fldkst]

yes give it a go!

[@medha2548]

These reviews honestly change my way of reading and interpreting self help books.

[@renavwissen7817]

I remember that you weren't that hyped about the book when you first mentioned it in one of your videos. Glad you like it so much now ☺️

[@edwardxiao88]

Ali you've inspired me to start reading for this new year because of all the possible ways you could improve in life. It's not always consistent as I don't always have time but I try to find a little reading time each week. Thank you!!

[@princesslacson6291]

I love the separate task thing. It helped me with my break up. We have different struggles no matter how much we try to do it together, sometimes it's better if we do it alone. ♥️

[@Tolkien1324]

Every time I need inspirations, Ali’s book club video is uploaded. 👍🤝

[@mahliyoonurullayeva8305]

Thank you, Ali Abdaal🤗🤗 After watching it, I was interested in reading this book. Then, I found e version and read it fully. I feel the happiness💗💗

[@davs.ketchup]

Love this book. Also, I am glad you found a good use for that book that you used as a ruler. It probably functions better when used that way.

[@KylieA.]

Just finished this book, truly a worthy read! I am now interested in learning about Adler’s teachings.

[@kuroinekoworld]

That discourse around trauma reminded me of a book I read years ago, the famous "Man's search for meaning". As I wrote, I read it years ago, but if I remember well the idea was that trauma can "faced" by find some purpose in life.

[@MrGreenmonkeyman]

The Kindle version of this book is currently 99p in the UK if you want to pick it up cheap, be quick!

[@manaal_arts]

love everything u do. super helpful. but the part u talk about kids and how u find it hard they are a joy is so funny with the ''apparently" and the "kind off" and the hand gestures super funny. XD P.S again love what you do. gives me courage to believe in myself and work on my goals

[@parneet582]

I have listened to this book and this book is amazing it really changed my prospective on many things .... a great book .

[@thasaklopp6848]

🔝🔝🔝🔝 Thanks for your feedback. Send me a direct msg, I have something to share with you.

[@dabi_]

My favorite conversation with a clinical psychologist about this book: “What do you think of Adlerian psychology?” “It’s hard for patients to swallow.” It said a lot. Also dude, the new pacing/presentation of your video is really good. Liking the new style. :)

[@Esthervibs]

Thank you for being authentically you🙏🏼

[@meetmehta2982]

Thanks for the great content and ‘quality’ videos! Love it, keep it going! Suggestion: If you can make podcasts for such videos it’ll be a cherry on top!

[@thasaklopp6848]

Thanks for your feedback. Send me a direct msg, I have something to share with you..........

[@romeadeviana5226]

thank you for the wonderful lesson💖

[@ifbut_then]

Happiness cannot be attained, it's a journey.. I think we should eradicate the word hapiness and just live as it comes. Because accepting the fact that we are living in an uncertain world, we can only control things which are inside our realm (or can stretch a bit.). We cannot afford to put down ourselves in any situation because we have the world ahead of us to face them. We need to stay strong and pull ourselves and keep moving.

[@LexesOHara]

I'm not sure how I feel about the author saying trauma is not "real," but I'm interested in reading this book! I definitely think the majority of us do have the choice to create a new path and different story at ANY time. Which is incredibly motivating and powerful.

[@bycryptoface5660]

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[@bycryptoface5660]

I got something profitable for you

[@HerOnlineBrand]

That’s exactly what the youth said. You have to read it to get it.

[@luminyam6145]

This is a great video, thank you. I am going to put that book on my list, it sounds really great. One of the best things about getting older is that worry about being disliked subsides. It is really helpful because you cannot always be liked especially at work and especially if you are in charge.

[@allanjunli]

Thank you for sharing. Learned a lot.

[@1BSDjunkie]

Listening to you speaking about happiness made me decide to feel happy. Thank you for that!

[@rodraxsan7764]

Awesome summary, thanks

[@angeldeschain0]

Every time I'm aboit to watch a video where you recommend a book, I don't watch it until I finish the book. And it's worked out great. You've helped to reinforce what I learnt, if you ever watch this comment I thing perceiving life as a dance it's amazing as well. Thanks for teaching us and the recommendations

[@mcmaschio]

One habbit i regret loosing is reading books😭 … guys if you read books never stop … its tough to go back 💯 Thanks Ali for cliff noting these awesome books 🔥

[@DunyaBaradari]

Unfair Ali, you took my future KZbin topic from me -_- this is one of my favourite books

[@NiyanshuRaikwar]

Just finished this Book A minute ago ❤️ A Must Read Book

[@zainyounis1442]

I always appreciate a book review by you ali!

[@nadiacarroll3161]

Sold me on the book. Can't wait to read it! Thanks!

[@HarrryLabs]

He made me buy that book & read.

[@mingloo4320]

While high views and likes count surely will make a content creator feels happy and accomplished, I want to let you know that as a viewer, your videos have always benefit me. I listen to your videos almost everyday and really appreciate how you share with us your thought process. I will read this book simply because of the way you presented it and shared the interesting points in it. Keep doing what you doing, Ali. You are doing good for millions of people.

[@hiiiroobee]

Thank you for sharing this! So well articulated and the texts and graphics are all so captivating

[@albertoskytwins3527]

KZbin started randomly recommending me your videos and I'm glad it did because this is one of the best channels I've seen, you got a new subscriber!

[@aliabdaal]

Awwh thanks 😊

[@Naumec]

Ali, thanks for the video! The idea to separate tasks is brilliant, I have been thinking something similar, but used to put it somehow different and I think this description is absolutely genius!

[@atifrahman1257]

Thank you @Ali Abdaal Very helpful video.

[@obgy7712]

Such a liberating talk

[@whatapp5409]

For more info, ☝☝☝☝ I will guide you on your trading tips.

[@veroninou4594]

Thanks for the review i’ll look forward to read it 😁

[@ReedRobins]

I was just talking about this book let night! I NEED this!

[@OlavJ]

My mind was blown while reading this. Incredible book.

[@UserName-eo4pv]

Great review! Thanks!

[@englishwithmonalisha6614]

Brother, I really appreciate your work..

[@bycryptoface5660]

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[@bycryptoface5660]

I got something profitable for you

[@helloworld4902]

Thanks a lot for this Book club videos...♥️

[@ahmadmumtaz4947]

Thanks Abdaal : I just on verge of finishing same book : I totally agree : you discussed the essence of this great book which seems feels weird and usual : Keep up the good work : Appreciation and Gratitude ..!!

[@bannnnny]

You would enjoy the sequel to this book, Ali; entitled The Courage to be Happy. Moreover, Adlerian Psychology as presented here is more convergent with philosophy - thence it reads like the writings of the stoics. As a psych student, Myself, I can say with certainty that *trauma does exist* and that *pain and suffering is very real* but from the standpoint of stoicism whereby we base our experience off of the idea that our perception is our reality: this book nails it. A couple of coincidences I might add; it is written by a Japanese author, a society mostly disinterested in the biopsychosocial events from which we all endure; it is also written in dialogue between the so-called philosopher and the student: exactly as Plato and Aristotle would write. It seems to allow a wider range for analogy and rhetoric through literal storytelling by conversation. Anyway, glad you got through it. Now, go and read ‘The Courage to be Happy’ next!

[@thasaklopp6848]

Thanks for your feedback. Send me a direct msg, I have something to share with you..........

[@SamanthaJoe]

I really enjoyed reading this book and hearing your thoughts on it!! I've been meaning to re-read it and highlight some of my favorite takeaways. :)

[@yuki750]

thank you a lot. very appreciated video! keep going