Alien Meets Humanity [As Told By Tumblr]

[@maebye]

*Alt.Title: **_the reason aliens refuse to talk with us_*

[@_yeetie]

Universal Screaming Indeed

[@dianafoxpaws8436]

420 likes It's too perfect for me to break

[@tooth358]

Pat noticed you!!!

[@EnderFilms404]

1000th Like!

[@julianskilton200]

There is actually a manga where aliens are terrified of Earth due to how humans behave, to the point where they are considered the most bloodthirsty species in existence.

[@crazy4sian]

Greetings, fellow humans! Boy, is it a great day to be breathing oxygen and exposing our unprotected skin to deadly ultraviolet radiation!

[@achairstudios8730]

Steve Son *dials phone* Area 51, I think I might got something here.

[@crazy4sian]

Wait, my carbon-based brethren! Come and partake in the burning of slaughtered bovine and other domestic animals with my familial unit; it will be scheduled on the day of remembrance of your fallen warriors! That is a ritual among your- I mean, our kind, is it not?

[@promici638]

Steve Son *dials cellphone* yeah Area 51... I think I got a code green.

[@when7573]

CyberShark Anims Stay your holding limb, my fellow bipedal carbon-based fleshy non-fungoid vertebrate! You must not -compromise the Grand Design- be too hasty! I'm sure our other fellow bipedal carbon-based fleshy non-fungoid vertebrate was merely telling a humorous fib on the Interwebline! Let us all laugh, my fellow mammals! HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. Laugh with me, online associates! HA!

[@promici638]

FILTHY ACTS AT A REASONABLE PRICE: ROMANCE RAILROAD ha ha ha ha? (SHIT ITS A CODE BLACK! I REPEAT CODE BLACK!)

[@Dirtnap12]

Alien: "Ah, I see your species is the dominant predator on this planet" Human: "Technically Humans are omnivores and we're actually easily killed by most large predators" Alien: "My goodness! How are you all still alive?" Human: "Well things got easier when we started stabbing stuff with pointy rocks and sticks" Alien: "What." Human: "And then we set everything on fire." Alien: "Of course you did."

[@justanotheraltaccount7821]

AND THEN WE SET *_EVERYTHING_* ON FIRE.

[@Shadow_353]

Didn't you guys straight up DESTROY your planet?

[@zepheniahparker]

Huh I have a friend with your name

[@kingofdragons1143]

@@justanotheraltaccount7821 hey! How you doing?

[@Qulxotic]

LIGHT IT UP UP UP

[@akjddkbdnd4233]

SPACE AUSTRALIA!

[@LloydTheZephyrian]

You referencing DBZ Abridged's Jeice?

[@Dirtnap12]

It's like they say, you don't know your from a Deathworld till you leave it.

[@conspiracypanda1200]

LloydTheZorua Actually Space Australia is Tumblr's tag for stories about humans casually scaring aliens. The premise is "Earth is space's Australia; its dangerous and crazy and the people living there are too casual about it"

[@Ghost-te5wj]

@@conspiracypanda1200 Are- Are we really that bad??

[@Vohasiiv]

@@Ghost-te5wj (Deathworld) Class 12: These planets possess ALL of the factors that make class 10 planets dangerous, usually meaning that there is nowhere on the planet that cannot kill even the most shrewd and experienced alien survivalist. Class 12 planets are high-gravity worlds, seething disease pits, menageries of death where even small and apparently benign creatures can do considerable harm, and worse. As such they are given a wide berth by all intelligent beings. Earth is a Class 12 temperate planet.

[@dia8225]

Alien- You put a knife against your skin?? Humans- Its...a razor Alien- Hair is to keep you warm!! Humans- But it doesnt meet social standards Alien- S O C I A L S T A N D A R D S

[@dia8225]

HipsterAnimeLover2000 tbh this was just a stupid joke

[@Fayanora]

And like, unless it's the hair on top of your head, it doesn't really do anything but exist.

[@foxydash9992]

rose gold the hair doesn’t work that well alien lad

[@firestorm165]

Plus it just gets kind of irritating

[@AstralArbourSys]

I was expecting this to go in a different direction when I read the first sentence, yikes

[@timsomething6281]

HUMAN BIOLOGY IS BAFFLING

[@thegrimreaper1892]

A Nerd true

[@juanluis21monsanto98]

Human body. Through coupling, the human body can grow a fully functional growing human being, brains, organs, limbs, everything it needs to survive. Break or lose a limb, take months of healing and it'll never be the same, and if you lose it, your chances of it growing back somehow as it can happen are slim to none. So yeah, the human body is baffling. XD

[@Chocobo0Scribe]

That one makes me think of an “alien abduction” scenario where the aliens beamed the human up after first seeing them with brightly colored hair then again without, thought the human was sick and were actually rushing them to the doctor on their home world.

[@Gr3nadgr3gory]

No more baffling than any other animal.

[@Tanaka1168]

Human: So every now and then our females starts bleeding from down there Alien: What? Why? Human: Cuz' like...their body doesn't have a baby inside them Alien: Sounds fake but okay. So, how often does this happen? Human: Oh, every month or so Alien: Don't they die!? Human: No, but it does hurt like a bitch Alien: *screeches in confusion*

[@Wixhael]

See, this is why aliens never bother invading earth in the first place.

[@WanderingRoyal]

Ultra Nerd- At least we're safe from invasions right? Who am I kidding, our species is terrible qwq

[@yourownpersonalexistential2470]

Ultra Nerd the fact that nothing has invaded Earth in the first place is the biggest proof that there is sentient life out there.

[@noahreynolds1715]

Me: Well, not to mention that Russia has a nuclear bomb that it's cloud can nearly reach space... Oh yeah, that's the half size, and there are trying build a bigger one than the full size... Aliens: *untranslatble screeching*

[@yourownpersonalexistential2470]

The Ace1212 this escalated quickly.

[@yourownpersonalexistential2470]

graal4560 wow, genocidal much? Holyyyyyyy crap.

[@HailNeatoBurrito]

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SUNBATHE? DO YOU WANT HARMFUL RADIATION?" "WHY DO YOU HAVE A WILD BEAST, WHY ARE YOU TOUCBING IT?

[@RRW359]

We didn't get enough deadly radiation so we invented ways of artificially creating and focusing it so we can sit in a booth and can get more tan and/or melanoma then the sun could ever hope to give us.

[@fordprefect1587]

..... because it’s fluffy?

[@chrisgoddard3411]

I’d like to see more of this one. Who’s with me?

[@redwillow6400]

Chris Goddard, I am! I need more of this in my life right now! 😹

[@kayshadolton7019]

Absolutely; I love this kind of thing!

[@meheknshah]

Me!

[@jamesnugent6451]

Go to Reddit and find R/HFY this is our whole thing. Humans being insane in stories

[@kylemoss2325]

If you really want more, look up Billy Bob Space Trucker as read by NFY.

[@AbadonXXX]

we have florida man, aliens have earth man >>

[@Azquine]

AbadonXXX kind of funny that you think of it as space Florida, the posts are called space Australians if you want to find them. I guess that means florida is the Australia of America??

[@astronights]

Azquine So..I live in American Australia?

[@maebye]

_Florida man is a fucking _*_legend_*

[@CreamCakeBurst]

I live in Florida and I can second this.

[@karamellcreme]

Goddamn it this comment thread is like Tumblr but in KZbin comment sections.

[@JJ-oo8ug]

Human: *petting a puppy Alien: what are you doing? Human: *turns around with the puppy Alien: ...we need 500,000,000 of this on our planets

[@pretzelbomb6105]

Human: They’re naturally carnivorous and are bred from the apex predators of many environments! Alien: Apex... predators... uh, I need to go...

[@superspicy8740]

Pretzelbomb H: *WAIT COME BACK WE BRED THEM TO BE SAFE UNLESS ITS THEIR JOB & FLUFFY ISN’T A POLICE DOG!*

[@ShackleYT]

There's tons in the animal shelters, you'd honestly be doing us a favor! just leave enough for us, alright?

[@Deathnotefan97]

To be fair, those people that went to the poles _wanted_ to go there

[@fansonia]

Ah yes, the much famed "Humans are space orcs" talks. Not to be confused with "Earth is Space Australia"

[@lilaellis1947]

Yeah Australia is weird

[@Ghost-te5wj]

@@lilaellis1947 Hey! .... No you right... We got all the dangerous stuff!

[@kit_the_inevitable]

unfortunately my discovery of both of these through pinterest had them all lumped together. what's the difference?

[@Psychwriteify]

@@kit_the_inevitable I read deathworlders so I know that a bit of both is usually present. Space Australia means that humans are normal ish, maybe even unimpressive, but earth is unsurvivable hellscape to aliens. Think aliens try taking over the earth and fail the moment they meet nature. Humans are space Orks, in response to having a higher amount of certain things like gravity and radiation + living on a hell planet that laughs in the face of your plans humans are just as scary as the planet. And reckless in the face of danger by every other species standards.

[@kit_the_inevitable]

@@Psychwriteify ah, amazing explanation, thank you!

[@dia8225]

Alien- What are those two humans doing? Human- Oh! That's fencing! Two humans fight with swords- Alien- Oh what have they done to upset each other? Human- Nothing...its a sport...for entertainment Alien- YOU BATTLE FOR FUN??

[@madmalkavian3857]

BirdyTheAngel Human- yeah we have a wide variety of these sports like boxing, wrestling, mma, hema... Alien-WWWHHHHYYYYYYYYYY!?

[@dia8225]

Christian Mihalcin Six year old human- Imma join jr football and tackle people!! Alien- Homebase human children are in grave danger and are force to battle calling for immediate rescue p l e a s e-

[@DTux5249]

ThrownAxe 9 H - yeah they're- A- THEY'VE ENDED THOUSANDS OF CIVILIZATIONS?! HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!?! H - um... We kinda watch them fighting and often killing others... For entertainment A - WHAT? WHY WOULD YOU ENJOY BRUTAL MURDER H - to be fair we didn't think they were real

[@tanith117]

You think thats Crazy Let me tell you about Ancient Greece and Gladiatorial Combat.

[@pretzelbomb6105]

Human- So, does that mean you don’t want to come paintballing later? Alien- Is that not an art class?! Human- Oh boy....

[@Echos.Art.Corner]

A: so... you go to over crowded places to listen to music? H: Yes, it's called a concert. A: and you pay large amounts of money for this? H: I mean, sometimes. A: but... you could do that at home??? H: Well, yeah, but then you can't see the artists! A: but you always look at them on your picture box??? H: That's not the same as a concert. A: * confused screaming *

[@cupcakes7308]

I relate to the alien in this scenario. I've been to a concert and came out more confused about the point of concerts. I get the psychological aspects, the effect being part of a crowd of like-minded people with the same taste in music has on an individual sounds great on paper. I still have yet to experience it. Personally, I prefer listening to music by myself, it's the best experience by far.

[@coridavis3119]

Alien: So you are the only dominant species on this planet? Me: Yes. Alien: Well, good. Our planet has about five and there were serious problems with discrimination for awhile. As your species is the only dominant one on this planet, you must have never had those problems. Me: Um…

[@thatoneguy9549]

"Life finds a way"

[@achairstudios8730]

Alien: "Are you fucking serious? HOW THE HELL- Human: "skintones" Alien: "How does skintone make any difference, aren't you the same species?" Human: *goes through American history up until Civil rights movement died down* Alien: "So your ancestors kept other humans as slaves?" Human: "Yep" Alien: "This planet is crazy"

[@coridavis3119]

Anakin Tano Human: The really sad part is that I wish this was the *only* thing we discriminated on. Alien: Wha…bu…COME ON! What else IS there?! Human: Do you want the full list?

[@achairstudios8730]

Cori Davis Alien: "THERE'S A LIST!" Human: "Unfortunately yes" Alien: "I need a few examples" Human: "Race, Sex/Gender, Net Worth Comparison, Religion, Opinions... should I keep go on?" Alien: "So, if we are clear, you have to be a clone with the exact same mental processing to not decriminate eachother?" Human: "pretty much."

[@coridavis3119]

Anakin Tano Alien: …what is WRONG with you humans?! Human: I wish I could tell you.

[@sendhelp6904]

Listen aliens, don’t judge us, *I want to die*

[@eldrichhorrornya5933]

Pathetic Person you’re profile picture is just perfect.

[@sendhelp6904]

ThatOneNerdyWolf, Thank you

[@nonameforyou2238]

Alien: But what about reproduction and passing your genes?

[@maimutescu]

No Name For You i dont want toncurse the following generation with anything related to the filthy creature i am, including genes

[@nonameforyou2238]

Ouch oof

[@KraisonFrameworks]

This seems like it would make a good cartoon.

[@eeeeea]

Kraison Frameworks steven universe is close enough. kinda.

[@madamcreepypasta7569]

invader zim has a lot of 'earth is crazy' but more so alien hi-jinks.

[@MelonHere20]

Kraison Frameworks yeperdoodles

[@MelonHere20]

Madam Creepypasta now I'm sad, because I miss Invader Zim so MUCH

[@madamcreepypasta7569]

well boy, do I have a surprise for you! the show is having a movie and possible reboot later this year!

[@weeaboogod5507]

To aliens: we ARE the Australia To us: we got our own Australia Aliens: they have an Australia in their Australia

[@tanith117]

Super Australia.

[@panthor109thabest7]

@@tanith117 Space Austriala its even more deadly

[@N4iN4rTvT]

Mmm ya do have ta watch out for snakes and spiders and kangaroos and all sorts of poisonous creature's but hey! Ya get marmite! And that more then makes up for it :D

[@TheShaboingerizer]

Yo dawg I heard you like Australia so we put an Australia in your Australia

[@mystopience]

Human: ok so there are different things that people say in other land places Human: but mean the same thing. Alien: *confused noises*

[@pokefan7446]

Alien: So all that effort we put into understanding your human speech and we need to do EVEN MORE? Human: ...Eh. English is pretty much the most commonly taught language, so you can go most places and get by with just English.

[@ericatrent89]

Human:and english is the hardest language to know, but somehow people can easily understand it.

[@AriestaSpark]

OH MAH GODS HOW ARE WE KEEP RUNNING INTO EACH OTHER?! XD

[@mystopience]

+Ariesta Spark IDK XDD

[@AriestaSpark]

But it's nice to run into you though XDDD

[@maddog197x]

Alien: So there are video games that are intended to make people feel fear? Human: Yeah, basically. Alien: But fear is a negative emotion. Why would anyone WANT to feel it intentionally? Human: Well, there's a lot of people that record themselves playing the game, and then they post it online for people's enjoyment. Alien: But the people watching the game are also scared! Human: Your point? Alien: Millions are being scared out of their wits every day by these monstrosities! How is this legal?!

[@leila13dnd]

maddog197x Lmao, the alien has a point.

[@moonfeathertheshiny5942]

Mega-Lucario meets Zoroark I just discovered I might be an alien XD

[@scarletandciara]

Another Human a bit away: oh. The reason is others find it halerious and dont get scarred in the slightest

[@Sparkz1607]

Well sometimes it's REALLY FUN to be scared! :D

[@hiraunia]

Its that adrenaline man

[@kabelmarder2760]

Imagine an alien in a debate of colors: What are our primary colors? RBY or CMY? And why do we have yet *another* set of primaries for light? (CMG) And why do we categorize colours to temperatures? Why do we classify ourselves to temperature (warm skin, cold skin, neutral skin) and style ourselves according to it? Why do we choose a color from the near infinite spectrum of colors and say "You know what? That is my favorite color. Exactly that particular one" Why are kids so specific about their favorite color and adults most likely don't care? Why don't we care about having a favorite color but are adamant about having a matching interior? Why do some people speak or write the same language differently? Color or colour? Favorite or favourite? Rugby or Football? Football or soccer? Crisps or chips? Chips or fries? Cookies or biscuits? And don't even *start* about sport teams

[@asshatmcgee149]

Alien: *INCOHERENT SCREAMING*

[@djomega8462]

Best comment I've read yet.

[@junoesqueset]

color. favorite. football. soccer. chips. fries. cookies.

[@ghosty918]

In order: What are our primary colors: Depends on the context, making a colored light source is different from mixing pigmentation that absorbs and reflects light. Its also based on our eyesight. Why d we categorize colors to temperatures: Brain hacks are used to save on brainpower, as well as noticing patterns in the world Favorite color: Because preferences? Aliens will have those too Why are kids so specific: Its a learning how to interact socially thing, kids take sides on things in their environment to compare and contrast with other kids. This generate a low level conflict that allows children to develop social coping mechanisms for dealing with more serious conflicts later in life. Matching interior: Many don't care, but the actual reason is due to color theory. The human brain associates colors with certain emotions and sensations, and certain colors interact or clash with each other when used in combination. Why do some people speak or write the same language differently: Because they were diverged at a period where spelling was not formalized, and accents shift over time for various very complex reasons. Color/colour and favorite/favourite (coming from favor/favour) happened due to Noah Webster (yes as in Webster's Dictionary) spelling things without the u as part of a goal to refine the language to be more like the spoken form. Sports teams...what is incoherent about that? Its pretty basic tribalism association in a team-based pastime

[@mey_habiba]

@@junoesqueset N O

[@griffinbaxter4754]

Human describing climbing Mt. Everest Human: So basically we can climb it only during certain times of the year so that the weather is survivable Alien: Ah so it can get to a point where you don’t need to worry about freezing to death? Human: Well..........no, but it is less likely to happen. Alien: Wait so people have died attempting to reach the summit? Human: Oh tons, there’s like over 200 bodies up there that they’ve left on the trail Alien: Then why do y- hold on, *left* on the trail? Human: Well what do you expect us to do? It’s too dangerous to take them down Alien:*(does the Alien equivalent of a sigh)* Well at least those are all used as markers for where not go on the hike, yes? Human: I mean.......some of them? Alien: *Some?* Human: Well there’s at least one body that no one can identify that marks that your close to the peak Alien:........So you mean to tell me that even in best case scenario, during the best possible time of the year, that there is still a very large likelihood of death from the Climate? Human: Yeah Alien: Where there are literal hundreds of corpses dotting the mountain , some which are actually used as markers *ALONG* the correct path, as obvious warnings to how dangerous the climb is, with again even the best and safest path you could possibly take still having the very high likelihood of death? Human: Y-yes? Alien: and all for....what exactly? Human:…………...............To say that we could? Alien:*(flips table with tentacles)* WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS F@#KING PLANET!?!?!

[@CryingARiver]

im just gonna point out that it was #KING, which means us humans are kings-

[@brandonvelde5774]

Extremely underrated comment.

[@jacobchang7955]

Correction because it’s there

[@Fayanora]

I have long been convinced earth is the dumping ground for the souls that have gone insane for one reason or another.

[@tenkaiandtransformerfangir7814]

the table flip... is it a reference to Prowl?!

[@lyykorii4909]

Human: **reading book** Alien: What's that? H: Oh. It's a book. A: What's it made out of? H: Paper. A:What's that made out of? H: ...Dead trees. A: What? You mean that's actually part of a tree? H: **nods** A: so you're telling me you use dead fucking trees to write on even though the Internet exists? H: no need to *bark* about it. A: ... H: ... A: I'm going back to my own planet.

[@deanachausse3198]

ChocoDoodles the puns tho

[@zuko8903]

That last sentence... In my head I could hear how done the alien is.

[@apophis7712]

You could say that he was totally stumped... Why are you pointing guns at me?

[@lorekeeper8117]

*Wood* you not stop these puns

[@mysteria_1305]

Lore Keeper we could leaf it alone but it wood chop our entertainment!

[@TheNicePrincess]

Honestly, if aliens did invade, theyd leave immediately because of how crazy we arw

[@mcjedi1026]

Lol, yeah. Rather than killing us, they’d wait for us to kill each other! 😂

[@michaelmantanona3760]

If they did invade "I'M BAAAACK!"

[@apophis7712]

All we need to do is show them what we do on the internet...

[@OddJaguar15]

life in general is this way regardless. There is no life that makes perfect sense and does everything that makes sense and would be healthy for it unless we are going down to the scale of bacteria and individual cells.

[@asshatmcgee149]

*More like we would NUKE them out of orbit before they could leave*

[@smilesthroughfandoms5595]

I’m pretty sure aliens visited Earth when the dinosaurs were around and they were just like “Yeah, nothing special about this place. Just a bunch of overgrown geckos and weird trees.” And they haven’t been back since

[@Ghost-te5wj]

Such a mistake.... Look at all the chaos they missed out on!

[@wannabe-werecat]

@@Ghost-te5wj *this video is so old yet you're here and im glad because i dont want to be the only one re-watching all of these*

[@537CH]

Humans. We’re not smart but we are resilient. Resilience to intelligence or stupidity varies...

[@RoamingPlayer]

537CH "Hillbilly Science"

[@simplymichi5755]

*aliens learning about tattoos* Alien: What is that on your arm? Is that a scar? Human: Oh? This? This is just my tattoo! Alien: Tat-too...? Why is it so colorful compared to the rest of your body? What function does it serve? Human: Uh... it looks pretty, I guess. Alien: Interesting... how could I receive one of these “tat-too’s?” Human: You can have someone give you one buy putting ink in your skin through a series of needles. Alien: Wait... you use a NEEDLE just to put a bit of potentially harming ink in your arm? Even at the risk of infection? Human: Y-Yeah... Alien: ...... why...

[@Fayanora]

Allow me to tell you about the practice of scarification. In places like Africa, there's an old tradition of making patterns in the skin by cutting the skin and deliberately causing scars to form. You think tattoos are painful and weird, well that's nothing to scarification! Sadly, the practice is dying out because of the AIDS epidemic.

[@Fayanora]

"Well we do sterilize the needles with alcohol."

[@moonfeathertheshiny5942]

I NEED MORE OF THIS IN MY LIFE Seriously, I came across the Space Orcs stuff on Tumblr and fell in love with it instantly and hearing it voice-acted like this is just PERFECTION.

[@mckaylaarnold467]

Moonfeather the Shiny SAAAAAAMMMMMME!!!

[@moonfeathertheshiny5942]

McKayla Arnold WE NEED MORE SPACE ORCS VOICE ACTING

[@mckaylaarnold467]

YASSSSSS!!!!

[@oddsdenver9673]

Check out hfy on Reddit for more stuff like this

[@drakenstarcross1347]

Moonfeather the Shiny I want more of these

[@CryptidVow]

WAIT, ALIEN! TAKE ME WITH YOU!

[@lordmegatrondoesntdodarken5852]

Human introduces Aliens to earrings. H: *wearing earrings* A: What is that? H: oh! These are earrings A: how are they sticking, adhesive? H: no, we puncture our earlobes and jab metal rods through them for fun A: WHY?! H: it's not that bad, some people get piercings everywhere. A: *confused noises* H: but let me tell you about this tattoo... A: I GIVE UP! GERALD, LET'S MOVE ELSEWHERE!

[@kittykat123425]

H: Some of even puncture our babies’ earlobes A:YOU DO THIS TO BABIES?!

[@planetarydreams]

Alien: I THOUGHT HUMANS WERE AN INTELLIGENT SPECIES Me: we are. Just with varying intellect. Alien: aaAAGH

[@mammabug1014]

Alien: So your saying that younger humans have to go to this "school" thing at 8 in the morning Human: Yep Alien: But you also know that your brains don't work properly until 10 in the morning and most young humans don't even sleep for 8 hours. Human: That would be correct. Alien: *confused* Then why do it, this will only hurt the youger humans learning capabilities. Human: *shrugs*

[@mcjedi1026]

I agree, Mr. Alien!

[@floppydisksareop]

I dunno where you live but make that 8 a 7

[@tice7217]

Mean while in my country student go to school at 6or7 and Some of them don't even sleep

[@greysonalex]

I had to get up at 6 for awhile to go to a friend's house since my parents were working and couldn't be there to make sure I was up on time

[@ghostbean7582]

I wake up at six A.M. just so I can wake up for the day and get ready, and most of the time I go to bed at 11 P.M.

[@dia8225]

Alien- What are you watching? Human- Theres this thing called parkour where- Alien- You risk life for entertainment? Human- Yes! Alien- That must be why you jump over fire too

[@firestorm165]

Over it? Don't you mean through it?

[@charliebear2048]

Alien: Hey, is that one of those "hentai" things that I've heard about? Human: Uh no, this is a video game. Alien: Then what the hell is hentai? *Human pulls up hentai on his phone* Alien: Oh... Human: Yeah, so... this is hentai... Alien: Why does that tentacle monster look so much like my brother-in-law?

[@tsg_frank5829]

Charlie Bear This is a good one.

[@tanith117]

Human:... Is He seeing anyone?

[@kingofdragons1143]

Alien: Bro! Is this you?

[@oof-rr5nf]

Next move is to ask for their brother-in-law's number if his partner is open to sharing him.

[@m.guypirate6900]

Wait is the prozd or not

[@fairyhusky9265]

Human: When humans get mad they do protests and make signs. you know, like to save the environment and stuff Alien: you...use paper which comes from a cut down tree in order to say with a colored worded sloganed sign that u care about the environment?(explodes)

[@Fayanora]

Paper can also be made of hemp or bamboo or sugarcane, among others.

[@mukeshmalhotra9146]

@@Fayanora those are still plants genius

[@Fayanora]

@@mukeshmalhotra9146 Yeah but they're annuals, so I don't care.

[@RoseDragon529]

I love these "humans are weird" posts

[@deityofchaosandkindness]

How would they react to allergies?! Like your human is making explosive noises in the corner and insist they're fine. And reading! Alien: So you're telling me that you kill trees, a source of oxygen, to shred them up, write on them and vividly hallucinate as you flip through the tree's bound carcass? Human: Well when you put it like that...

[@Dinomatrix21]

Oh YES! Finally, it's here! Humans are weird / Earth is Space Australia / Humans are Space Orcs! There is such a great, creative community around this topic and I love it!

[@bubbykins4864]

You forgot the more accurate name: Humans Hate Properly Abridging Explanations to Foreigners

[@imseisont3631]

*human turns to alien* Human: heh, hey, watch this. Human: THE FLOOR IS LAVA!! *sea of hoomans start climbing on furniture, bookcases, ect in a VIOLENT PANIC* Human: Lol, did ya see that- why are you on the chandelier Alien: You said the floor was lava! But clearly you are full of it because I do not see any scorching hot molten rocks to burn my skin off into a thick soup of flesh! WHY?! Human: Well its not actually lava its a game- Alien: *WhY WOuLd HuMANs DO tHiS I Am UNaBLe To CoMBreHend*

[@thedarklrd6714]

Some Idiot Kid On The Internet *W h y a r e y o u o n t h e c h a n d e l i e r*

[@madamcreepypasta7569]

aliens: wait. so there is a country that can reach over 49 degrees Celsius, contains dangerous and aggressive specimen and it's IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE but you STILL have humans living there?! human: yeah.. Australia is a hard place to understand, but it's also very beautiful aliens: is that before or after you get stung by a Phlogius crassipes (eastern tarantula)? human: we don't get stung that often. aliens: oh yeah? human: yeah, in fact I only got bitten once by a snake while hiking there! aliens: .....

[@asshatmcgee149]

Madam Creepypasta Human 2: *OH YEAH I FORGOT TO MENTION, WE SENT ALL OUR CRIMINALS THERE FOR LIKE 50-100 YEARS*

[@N4iN4rTvT]

Im sad i had to move from Australia a little while ago T^T Aussie Aussie Aussie io io io!

[@hyhtviator9004]

Perfect The voice for the alien Perfect The humans doing the human things Perfect All of this is just Perfect

[@aslightidiot]

Perfectly Perfect (all Perfect must have a capital P, cause then its Perfect)

[@deliabailey7422]

Humans imagining our interactions with aliens is like the adult version of imaginary friends: We can't see them and we probably never will, but we're somehow friends and we can understand them.

[@doubledelta7290]

WE HAVE LIKE 50 UNINHABITABLE PLANETS YOU MIGHT ENJOY

[@shiloh3412]

Alien: Look, what is this monstrosity of a REAL human made? Everyone is like dying and being ripped to many pieces! And yet, you all are like ‘oh it’s just nothing.’ I can’t believe you weirdos think of killing your own kind for just ONE horror film! Killing actors just for those stupid green things made of paper that I forgot the name of! Human: Well, that’s actually fake, the actors are still alive and well- Alien: Look at THIS, does that look fake for you? It’s illegal to put this on the stores! Human: I think you’re overreacting. Alien: I’m not overreacting, you FOOL! You weirdos shouldn’t done it in the first place! Human: Look, it’s all just CGI, and makeup- Alien: I’m very done with this planet.

[@yo-vz5vn]

Seamnie Soylent Green I think? Is that what you're referencing?

[@theycallmedaddy1307]

Other Human: That green thing made of paper; its called "money".

[@slateoffate9812]

H: Let me tell you about Danganronpa.

[@CryingARiver]

Oo, choose me! Alien: So you're telling me you use phrases on a daily basis that don't correlate with the activity or interaction you partake in, but somehow everybody knows what they mean?! Human: Yeah, dude. It's weird but really fun. Edit: I'm talking about idioms :p

[@ghosty918]

Thats...very very basic metaphor, if the alien has invented space travel they would understand idioms

[@CryingARiver]

@@ghosty918 Mmm, true. I wrote this because the aliens in these situations didn't really seem to understand basic things about humanity, so why would they understand idioms? (I think it might also be because I remember hearing that non-native English speaking people had trouble understanding idioms, so aliens from another world might have trouble too.)

[@ghosty918]

@@CryingARiver Non-native English speakers have trouble with specific idioms, not the concept of idioms. They have their own native ones.

[@CryingARiver]

@@ghosty918 ah, okay. That makes sense. I'm glad I know now

[@wolfsong9134]

These literally just get better and better. I love you so much like seriously, you help me de-stress.

[@dreamer3725]

I need more of these. Imagine us trying to explain the difference between live birth and eggs. Then there are just seahorses.

[@carlosemilio385]

Dreamer372 OMG, THEY WILL BREAK ALL ALIENS’ MINDS

[@wolf_quill]

Oh my god man this is the best! I’m dying of laughter! Alien is A Human is H A- what are you eating ? H- Oh I’m eating fried insect A- what? Is that a scorpion? H-Yeah mighty tasty! A- why would you eat something that has venom?! H- Because of nutrition? A- Think of the logic here! What if you eat the venom?! What then?! H- We don’t eat them raw Human #2 - Duuuudd you should try this rawww man, so tasty A- you guys are blemen insane!

[@takatacheroki2624]

Oh god, imagine how the alien would react to fugu sashimi... A- What's that? H- Fugu. A- What? H- It's, well, it's raw pufferfish. A- Wait, as in that insanely toxic fish that puffs up like a balloon? H- Yeah. A- And it's raw? As in you did not apply heat to neutralize the toxins? H- Yeah... A- DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH OR SOMETHING?!?! H- Relax dude, a professional sushi chef prepared this; he safely removed the poison part without popping it. It's totally safe! H2- Actually, I heard a story of a guy who died from eating the stuff... A- YOU ARE ALL INSANE

[@wolf_quill]

Takata Cheroki yassss XD imagine if the alien saw us keep dangerous animals like pets *ahem* like rattle snakes and such and iguanas

[@scarletandciara]

Oh, remeber, we also eat the tentacles of, i think octopuses, right after they get cut of the octopus, raw, that can suffacate you if you dont eat it the right way becuas it can still stick to inside your throat

[@wolf_quill]

Marikris Gaming yep, and remember the snake soup from India! Eating cobras with species ! If you’re not careful you may get bit by a cobra!

[@colorheart1113]

Ashley Bowers I have one but I think it would be very very logical

[@fairyhusky9265]

Human: you see, when we want our drink to be colder we put ice cubes, even in water Alien:...you put solidified water into water?!?!why not just get cooler water Human: nah fam to lazy

[@seakhajiit]

FairyHusky 926 Well technically ice is just colder water

[@firestorm165]

As the ice melts it partially refills your drink too

[@ghosty918]

Ice is cooler water, its also more dense than water and transitioning from solid to liquid requires more heat energy than just raising the temperature keeping the drink colder longer.

[@jamescollier9196]

@@ghosty918 No, I am sure you meant ice is 'less' dense than water.

[@ghosty918]

@@jamescollier9196 You're right, I misspoke.

[@raphaelmines1073]

Human: So there this thing called religion. Alien: Ah no need to tell me, It's about praising a singular all-powerful, omniscient being that created the universe we live in. Human: Correct but... Alien: What? Human: There are many humans that believe in one religion called Christianity that praises God and his son Jesus. Other Human: Don't forget the that Jesus died and then came back to life. Human: Right and then there's Buddhism, Judaism, Hinduism, Chinese folk religion, etc. But there are many other people who don't believe in religion and just focus on science. Alien: Oh, well at least they don't fight with each other. Human: ... Other Human: ... Alien: Are you serious?

[@radiantred4158]

Raphael Pallasigui Ok, I really want this to be in the (hopefully) second installation of this beautiful series

[@icantthinkofausername8964]

"...It's about praising a singular all-powerful, omniscient being..." That's monotheism.

[@Shadow_353]

Raphael Pallasigui PRAISE TROLL JEGUS!!!!!!!!

[@felynecomrade]

Raphael Pallasigui We also have Scientologists who worship you guys!! :D

[@jondow7401]

wow. thats one hell of a way to avoid controversy. just, _not_ say it.

[@SaltySweetRen]

XD These were always my favorite kind of posts of tumblr. Aliens vs Humanity.

[@adyLuna72]

*WE. NEED. MORE.* THIS IS GENIUS

[@arciere5511]

Alien:"wait I don't get this" Human:"?" Alien:" why do you send some tiny humans to a structure they don't want to go in, witch they say is a torture and would prefer being sick than going to it and don't give them a choice? " Human:"..." Alien:"also why only some? " Human:"well we only send those who have parents who can pay for it" Alien:"so... Pay to send them to get tortured... " Human:".... "

[@Fayanora]

(Confusion) What are you talking about?

[@thehumanistcrusader3835]

@@Fayanora Either private school or college...

[@erma2469]

This was great! But have you ever seen the tumblr post about aliens invading earth, completely *destroying* humans, but being defeated time and time again by animals? It’s honestly one of my favourite posts of all time.

[@inklypse4248]

Red Ruby_1103 "It was all fun and games... UNTIL THE GRIZZLY BEARS CAME"

[@erma2469]

BADUMBUMBUMCRASH ‘That’s a moose’

[@noname-kx4cu]

Do you know where to find it?

[@GreaterGrievobeast55]

That's sounds amazing!!! Hopefully someone makes a video (s) about that !

[@raymeownd]

I love that one

[@Kimmy0721]

A - Alien H- Human A: So these things called Pokemon are things you catch with your device? H: Yeah, but they aren't real. A: Why would you pursue something imaginary? H: I dunno, for fun? A: But isn't it hazardous? H: Yeah, if you're not paying attention to your surroundings. A: And this thing is mobile? H: Yeah, it's called Pokemon Go! A: But where do the Pokemon Go? H: I dunno. In the phone, I guess. It uses GPS to find hotspots. A: What the hell is a hotspot? H: You know, where you go to find some. A: Would it not be easier to purchase them instead of endangering yourself to catch them? H: Yeah, but it wouldn't be fun! A: ... Dafuq! (Could someone please make a Harry Potter related one? Like, explaining Harry Potter to an alien?) (Please notice me, Senpai!)

[@vertonimal]

A: what is this Harry Potter I have found when looking for your culture? H: oh its a series of stories. A: What happens in these stories? H: Its about a boy who goes to this giant school to learn about magic. A: but isn't magic fake? Why is this in your culture? H: because it is well written. Anyway the story is about Harry Potter. The boy who lived. A: lived through what? H: lived through a man using a spell that cannot be stopped and will kill the target immediately if it hits them. A: wait so it can't be stopped? But you just said he lived through it. H: he did. And it got reflected back at him A: but that doesn't make any sense! H: anyway Harry Potter goes to learn about magic but then the person who tried to kill Harry when he was a baby tries to get his hands on the sorccerors stone. A: wait didn't the guy who tried to kill him die? H: yes A: you know what? You humans are f$#&ing confusing. So what did he need the sorcerers stone for. H: to bring himself back to life. A: you just said he was alive! H: no I didn't I said he was looking for the sorcerers stone. He was a spirit like entity who basically possessed the teacher for defense against the dark arts. A: wait but ... That doesn't... Hold on... How does this even make sense? H: *shrugs* just try to read it. Oh and one more thing he was keeping himself alive by drinking unicorn blood which was shortening his life span and killing him and he was also immortal because he put his soul in a bunch of things. A: wait!? How the fu...... AAAAAAAAAAH NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE!!!

[@sethweinrich9544]

This was oddly enjoyable. But then again this is from Tumblr. I really liked the vid and keep up the great work Pat!

[@hannibustoogfyrre6074]

Seth Weinrich When not spewing oceans worth of Leftist garbage, Tumblr can be pretty funny!

[@followthedogstar9149]

Human: turns around in crowd At a whisper "Bill Nye The Science Guy" Everyone else on earth: "BILL BILL BILL BILL. BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY" alien: .......Why do you worship this Bill Nye Science Guy? Is he your god?!?

[@carimeslockdownedtree2654]

Kawwaii_potato yes

[@slateoffate9812]

He's actually not a scientist.

[@followthedogstar9149]

BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY

[@somegirlnamedabby4832]

What Humans eat A: What do humans eat? H: Animal flesh A: WHAT?! H: Did I stutter? I said Animal Flesh! A: You humans are insane!

[@diegodeluquev1433]

Herobrine Kitty I don't get why this is bad. :(

[@totallyhuman7296]

I’m sure intelligent aliens would eat meat too, carnivores are much more intelligent than herbivores if we use life on earth as an example

[@somegirlnamedabby4832]

Idk

[@ericatrent89]

Herobrine Kitty we are animals

[@user-bj5ki6sr6c]

I spy a vegetarian

[@musicalwhimsy]

THIS IS MY FAVOURITE THING OH MY GOD GETTING TO HEAR IT VOICE ACTED SO WELL TOO AAAAAAH

[@youinanalternateuniverse]

Human: We also have these really cool things called sports! They’re basically little games you play with other people, typically with two teams. *holds a football* One example is football, where you try to throw the ball over a goal while other players tackle you for it! Alien: Why is it called “football” if you throw it? Human: ... Alien: Also why is that *pointing to the football* called a ball if it’s not even a sphere? Human: I’m just gonna to bed and rethink everything

[@carimeslockdownedtree2654]

This is why I hate that American football is called that way. THAT IS N O T F O O T B A L L. THAT IS THROWY TACKLE.

[@icantthinkofausername8964]

Because America is fucking weird.

[@Lycan_the_deerdog]

I'm calling it that now. Throwy tackle.

[@BonaparteBardithion]

Marts Gamer G So, did you hear about the Throtac game?

[@Smok_Argus]

Alien: So you're telling me, that first you stare at... 'tatooed' corpses of trees so you can hear the voice that describes visions that appear in your minds? And then you can discuss those visions with other humans? Human: ... that's a really epic description of reading a book, dude.

[@aiiiia9971]

That was very interesting

[@vilelilman4252]

Alien: How curious that there are humans that can tolerate even -20 Celsius. Human: I know! I can't stand even 0 Celsius! Alien: Really? You're not like those other two? Human: Nope. But I am used to 35-40 Celsius. Those days feel really nice as long as it's not humid. Alien: The Drleek?! Other Alien: Do you live on a volcano? (I want more of these!)

[@mayonaise_mmm4126]

I NEEED MORREE

[@achairstudios8730]

Candy Chicken the comment section.

[@3rdDayfan777]

The alien voice is top notch. I love the mixing you did for it.

[@lluminescent]

Human: *Causally eating a bowl of cereal with a spoon* Alien: "...What is that weird object in your hand?" Human: *Looks at the spoon* "..It's a spoon, it's used for eating food." Alien: "What is this "Spoon" made out of?" Human: "Uh.. it's made out of plastic." Alien: "What." Human: "...?" Alien: "Are you telling me that your putting PLASTIC that those tiny humans put in there mouths, in YOUR mouth..?" Human: "...Yeah??" Alien: "HOW ARE YOU NOT CHOKING RIGHT NOW?" Human: "Because I'm eating the food.. and not the actual spoon..?" Alien: "BUT YOUR PUTTING IT IN YOUR MOUTH! Doesn't that mean your eating it?!" Human: "...What? No. I'm putting it in my mouth to eat the food and then I'm taking the spoon out of my mouth to grab another bite." Alien: "So.. your putting the spoon in your mouth then taking it out of your mouth, just to put it back in again?" Human: "Pretty much." Alien: "... You humans are very strange when it comes to physical contact with objects.."

[@brendan9833]

Unless aliens don't eat, I find this whole scenario hard to swallow.

[@Calais-dn5bl]

@@brendan9833 shut

[@rougestarlight4308]

@@Calais-dn5bl he's kinda right

[@Calais-dn5bl]

@@rougestarlight4308 about what? I was responding to the ridiculous pun he said, not to the idea of aliens not being able to use spoons

[@ultrakid8497]

Human: think of it as feeling a bucket with water dumping out the water into a bigger bucket then filling up the smaller bucket over and over again until the water is all in the bigger bucket that's kind of what this is

[@JohnDoe-tt5qc]

Me: **petting a cat** Alien: What is that? Me: It's a cat, they're felines that we kind of befriended and- Alien: Feline? As in /Lions/, /Jaguars/, and other alpha predators on the planet? The same ones that are well known for their piercing claws, ability to move silently to stalk prey, and tormenting their food before eating it alive? Me: Well yeah, but look at his cute little face! Cat: Meow Alien: **runs away screaming**

[@centaursapocalypse7259]

I'm a brit, I can't tolerate any temperature or weather. If there's weather (which most of the time there is), I've got to talk about it. If I'm talking, I have to complain. I'm just extremely stereotypical.

[@franklee3]

Centaurs Apocalypse, I.... do brits use the word ‘weather’ differently? Like, I assume you mean extreme weather and temperature, but, like.... huh.

[@Lordmun445]

Centaurs Apocalypse sounds like you just need to stop bein a wee bitch

[@centaursapocalypse7259]

Uhhhh...no. This isn't about extreme weather. This is about the weather itself merely existing and national stereotypes. When I wrote 'If there's weather (which most of the time there is)', I wasn't being remotely serious. Basically, don't take this shit remotely seriously.

[@centaursapocalypse7259]

Sounds like you need to remember society collapses whenever it snows in England, we're all fucking pussies. To be fair though should probably have specified.

[@Lordmun445]

Centaurs Apocalypse I live in Scotland and here it really isn’t too noteworthy here

[@princessart5326]

Me: we slowly loss our hair color and it starts to turn white Alien: uh... okay, I mean... that sounds weird but... * whispering * wait there humans... *not whispering * okay.

[@lepoulet4691]

And this is why Aliens spy on us all the time...

[@markusallen102]

Bento Cat it’s like their version of watching jackass

[@soldier1stclass640]

stardate 357.4-somehow the humans have not killed themselves yet

[@lepoulet4691]

Markus Allen Exactly!

[@weirdlight4311]

The humans are weird are just so perfect !! I'm so happy , you're voice acting them ! Those thing helped me feel better !! I already need more

[@bowtiemouse]

Oh man, have you seen the ones about aliens meeting the weirdest humans of all, Australians? Those posts are amazing. XD

[@barrythetwit6475]

Sasayaku A. Rehtaef theres a page that collects as many as they can inspacewereallaustralian on tumblr

[@owlmanager645]

You should read some of the prompts from writing-prompt-s ! Some are hilarious, and there has a lot to do with... Amigos

[@Cryptideer]

Hello Amigo

[@fallsky_19]

FELLOW AMIGO I NEVER THOUGHT I'D FIND YOU HERE

[@barrythetwit6475]

AMIGOS

[@harlequeenchannel]

Fellow amigos!!

[@johnsonpungkoy9162]

A: We come in peace.. H: You're at the wrong planet...

[@littlemissdaydream810]

Ok, when you say it like that, it makes us sound crazy

[@aidanmills6136]

(alien reacting to rollercoasters) wait, so you guys willingly ride something that can make you disgorge your previous meal?! Just, why!!? Adrenaline man...

[@lilyboo6206]

Also, the Alien should check Hawaii now! I know several people who’s houses are completely GONE! Living in Hawaii is a risk to take. But it’s my home so I’m willing to take it

[@4EverSmiles]

[Reacting to Puppy and Baby videos] Alien: Why are humans making these sounds? Human: Because they are expressing a heart-broken feeling. It's a feeling that they express without words and gibber a lot of babbling noises because they cannot think of what they speak and it causes a sensitive outbreak. Alien: Oh-Please! I have no sen- [Sees a video of a puppy being groomed] WHY IS THIS BEING SO PERFECTLY SMOOTHED?!

[@lucifer5722]

Alien 1: "should we like invade earth and destroy it or something?" Alien 2: "nah dude they're doing good at destroying it all on they're own."

[@GeodeRegan22]

Aw man you should make this a series, the space Australia tag is amazing and comedy gold I tell you

[@spookychi]

Alien: So how many genders do humans have? Human 1: Well there are- *Human 2 bursts through the ceiling* Human 2: YOU DON’T ASK THAT QUESTION THERE ARE LIKE 57 Alien: *Utter confusion*

[@marycarlson8225]

Quinny *snorts indignantly* uhm there are actually 326 genders

[@hannibustoogfyrre6074]

Quinny *I bust through the window* Me: Relax! Don't listen to that other guy, he's from Tumblr! Our species only has 2 genders, and we can't change from one to the other. Alien: Thank Glaxin!

[@littlellama400]

Hannibus 42 *I walk in with phone* Me: Well, we can't change our genders...yet. Alien: *even more confused/scared sputtering noises*

[@reesewhittington6778]

*breaks the door down* human number X: but dont worry, those guys are just retarded

[@hannibustoogfyrre6074]

BlueSouls1994 - *hugs the alien* It's okay, man! It's okay! How about you tell us about your species?

[@sugar-rice]

Human logic amirite

[@agiar2000]

"To be fair, we didn't so much _send_ them, as much as they _decided_ to go-" "THAT MAKES EVEN *LESS* SENSE!" "Well, who wouldn't want the fame of being the first to survive a trip to the South Pole and back?" "ANYONE WITH A SURVIVAL INSTINCT!"

[@jazzymarshlew]

This is why aliens never wanna come.....

[@hiraunia]

They just fear living life on the edge

[@drcoomercat4426]

The end part of the video is 100% accurate

[@FrozenMicrowaveDinner]

Haha we’re weird, that’s right

[@hana5724]

Please make more of these alien tumblr posts!

[@somegirl1063]

I got addicted on your videos and I don't regret it.

[@mayawinkler9040]

Ah, Earth is Space Australia posts. They never get old.

[@Carminous]

I remember reading this one bit from a Humanity Fuck Yeah thread or post, where humans explains the prolific nature of strategy games. Which made an alien say something like: "Humans are warlike by nature, that they conjure up greater threats that dwarf them in every possible scale, so they may simply beat them. Truly, such a terrifying race, that even their youngest have access to the bloodiest and most advanced of their wargames."

[@ClownDollThatHasContemptForYou]

Human:hey watch this *screams* WHAT IS LOVE? Other humans: BABY DONT HURT ME ,DONT HURT ME ,NO MORE Alien: your kind is weird

[@artiec2055]

I swear Earth really is Space Australia and we're all space orcs.

[@brandonvelde5774]

It is, it really is.

[@depthofvortex1345]

*Looks at stars* They'll be back and they know it.

[@tatutiainen4287]

Ah now this is how we protect ourselves if an alien invasion ever happens

[@rambl1ngr0se]

A: w-whats that guy doing? H: he's surfing on the waves. A: you mean the waves that could drown you? H: I mean, not if you swim up fast enough? A: and if they don't this so called "Life gaurd" Will save them? H: kind of... A: what do you mean kind of? H: they won't if their on the phone. A: shouldn't they pay attention? H: but it's like, super boring. A: but a life is at stake with the job! H: look, they wiped out. A: how is that amusing? H: pffft idk.

[@agony3715]

This video came at such a perfect time, I was looking through this tag two days ago

[@SilverShadow13100]

I want more of this! This is the best thing on both tumblr, and youtube!

[@SirenOfStyxx]

This showed me how durable humans are

[@Doctor4077]

[Alien discovers anime] Human: ...yeah sorry. There's no way I can properly explain this. Alien: what are you talking about? We have reality TV in space too.