"Am I Nonbinary?" The Key Questions to Ask Yourself!

[@fiamedknuff]

Interesting video although I have never considered the possibility of being nonbinary. It confirms that I'm very much a binary person as I exclusively identify with womanhood and femininity. It always felt like I was force-fed masculinity and I never felt comfortable being a man. Being perceived as a man and forced to fulfill male gender roles brought me nothing but unhappiness and I'm now happy to erase all traces of maleness.

[@Genevieve111]

'Force-fed'... that's a good way to put it...

[@fiamedknuff]

@@Genevieve111 I think so. It felt like I was choking on force-fed masculinity and not being able to breathe.

[@ethanpoole3443]

“Force fed masculinity” is a great way to put it even for those of us who are non-binary transgender (amab) identifying. Masculinity felt very much force-fed to me growing up, by society, family, fundamentalist religion (so much trauma there as well!) and the greater communities I lived in and it is nice to finally be working to break free of some of that forced masculinity as an older adult! Masculinity is a part of me, but only a *part* of me as I tend to identify more with femininity than my masculinity in many respects but I don’t reject that part of me that is still masculine so I’m ok with still presenting as my assigned gender since that aspect doesn’t necessarily stand in conflict with my generally more feminine personality and feelings nor with my many areas of interests, some of which are more masculine in nature. It is a sometimes strange mix of traits and identifying with both binary genders, male and female, and yet neither at the same time. I am just grateful to have finally learned in my late forties (now 51) that there is a place I can finally fit in and be more accepted and that 8 year old me was correct in observing that I never seemed to fit in with or understand other boys (yet being always called a boy) but enjoyed my time with girls immensely because I understood them and enjoyed playing alongside them…and yet not needing to reject the part of me that was still a boy at that time.

[@DRZPHD]

Thats a powerful realization and like others pointed out, force-fed for so many feels just like that.

[@Genevieve111]

@@ethanpoole3443 "A mix of traits"... Exactly... Gender is not as cut-and-dry as society makes it out to be... It's sad that males are forced by the 'societal machine' to bury their true personalities... it's a travesty actually... 😥

[@slimslendey3945]

I never thought about my assigned gender at birth. Never disliked being male, but always found it to be whatever. Started to question my gender about a month or two ago and found this video just now. Your questions are really making me internally think about who I want to be. I'm gonna take some time to think about my gender, and hopefully I come out of this more confident, regardless if anything changed. Thank you so much!

[@DRZPHD]

Always a prudent idea to take your time.

[@SeaBreeze-w9999]

Don't waste your time thinking about it, because you'll still be a man.

[@Adam-sm5zf]

@@xz740 you sound like a very sane and rational person

[@benjaminfranklin8412]

Doctors observed your sex at birth. There is no gender in the birthing room.

[@Jonus_Grumby]

I recommend you chose the sex you physically are, or you will spend a lifetime trying to convert the rest of the planet to your way of thinking, and possibly battling your own body into accepting fantasy over reality.

[@petersaysthings]

I've never really identified with masculinity. As a child I was comfortable being called a boy, but grown men always intimidated me, and I wasn't so sure I wanted to become one. They seemed so hardened and rough, and I wasn't excited to develop secondary sex characteristics either. As I grew up, I noticed changes in the behavior of my male peers and started to hate the concepts of masculinity I saw in them. I was always bullied in school for being the quiet kid with a softer, feminine personality who always got along with the girls. But it was odd because I never felt fully feminine either. My dad has always had a softer masculine personality, so I'm glad I had an example of masculinity I didn't resent. But I've always felt more gender fluid/androgynous in my mind. I'm glad nonbinary stuff is being talked about now, because I finally have a term I feel fits me.

[@benjaminfranklin8412]

You don't need to be masculine to be a man. If you have a penis and you can ejaculate sperm, you are a man. If you have a DSD, let's talk.

[@cinthiagoch]

I have a similar experience, but I'm a woman. I never truly connected with my female friends up until college (where I found people just as weird as me spread across several courses), and I resented when boys would treat me differently. Boys wouldn't make jokes or be relaxed around me as if I was "one of the boys", it always felt I was an alien to them until common interests and a lot of time bridged that gap. But to me it was always more fun to interact with them than girls. I don't mind identifying as a woman, but I hate how people treat me because I'm a woman. And this is not even about the sexism, it's more about the little dumb assumptions of what you can or can't talk about, or how close you can be to someone, based on their gender. And don't even get me started on gender roles...

[@benjaminfranklin8412]

Feminine men exist. Feminine behavior doesn't mean you aren't a man.

[@benjaminfranklin8412]

@@cinthiagoch if you menstruate, you are a woman. You are overthinking this. You don't need to be feminine.

[@randomomelette2906]

I feel like neither but at the same time both. I don’t experience dysphoria, I also don’t care what pronouns people use for me. I’m okay with being seen as a female ( my assigned gender at birth ). My friends are trans and I don’t want to feel like I’m ‘faking’ being non-binary. Like I need to justify it in some way. It’s always been like that. Im bisexual and I always feel like I need to prove it, date a girl, have a crush on a girl. And I know I’m bi, I don’t need to prove it to myself. But I just don’t know if I’m non-binary, what do you think? Am I non-binary or am I cis, please help meee ❤❤❤ (Edit) gender roles suck and they should be destroyed ❤ (edit) -I’m agender

[@babs_babs]

i think the sincerity is biggest thing you need in order for your identity to be valid. if you call yourself “maybe nonbinary” or “sorta cis” that’s close enough. your identity isn’t something that you have to have figured out right away. it’s something that you’ll discover over time. give yourself some time and you’ll eventually settle on something that feels honest.

[@benjaminfranklin8412]

Your female sex was observed and recorded at birth. Your doctor couldn't perceive gender and didn't try.

[@katiestorm3338]

I am currently identifying as being agender, I have never felt feminine or masculine. I have also always preferred to only be called by my nickname and often uncomfortable being referred to by the name that my parents chose for me because it too feminine I also don’t feel comfortable being called miss or mama. Right now I just want to try not using pronouns at all, however I am also autistic and this would be a big change for both me and my family. Maybe I just haven’t found the right pronouns yet, however I also feel overwhelmed because there are so many options.

[@jerrimenard3092]

I never was comfortable with being called a girl or boy. I am AFAB. I was called a tomboy and heshe or androgynous in the 80's as a teen. It was not until after 3 failed marriages that I saw myself for who I am My Exes tend to be Queer people who don't want to come out . To be with me, they could present as straight and play the game. My gender identity was a fetish for them. They didn't see me, as a person. I was a part. It lead me to be depressedI had body acceptance problems. Until I came out as Nonbinary I couldn't really bond because I couldn't trust myself or others to accept the real me. Now, I am much more relaxed and comfortable. That makes me feel very loveable and sexy.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear you found comfort within yourself.

[@outoftheoven7388]

I'm five years on HRT and very much still discovering what it means to be both transfeminine and non-binary. The world makes it hard to exist outside of the box.. dating is hard, socializing can be alienating, but I don't want to feel like I have to play the role of what a 'woman' is just because I'm trans and on HRT. It feels like I've been gender confused for the past 10 years, at this point I don't know if it'll ever end.

[@DRZPHD]

Totally hear your struggles and wish you all the best.

[@Jonus_Grumby]

Converting your body to fit your desired sex is much harder than accepting your actual anatomy. Learn to accept and love who you actually are.

[@Jonus_Grumby]

Accept yourself for what you physically are. Don't try to fight your own body and learn to love yourself for what nature (of God) has given you.

[@Cptkirk1315]

@@Jonus_Grumbyperhaps God made people trans as a type of trial/tribulation for them to overcome and live in the way that is true to their identity so they can be the best version of themselves and bring their best to the world

[@Jonus_Grumby]

@@Cptkirk1315 Oh yeah, the "they just want to be left alone to live their lives" response. That stopped applying to their behavior decades ago, because they do stuff like mocking religion in front of the world. Where's the compassion for the Christians who find this display hurtful?

[@thecaptaintai]

I see all of your videos just because they are super interesting, but I watched this one twice because I wanted to take notes on the questions themselves. I am questioning my gender since almost 4 years ago and it has been an emotional journey to even begin to know myself. I was super repressed as a person and had to learn to unlearn all that before I could consider my gender properly. I am happy to say I have done very big strides in just this last year and this video is definitely giving me more to think about. Thank you for making these videos, always a pleasure to hear from you!

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for watching, btw I put questions in the info below so you can cut and paste. Yes gender is incredibly complex and very nuanced. I wrote more about some of the complexities in this recent blog post: drzphd.com/trans-feminine-blog-1/unpacking-the-complexity-of-gender-dysphoria-in-young-adults-age-18-25

[@Mathster321]

Thank you for your wise words, Gender Edna Mode. ^-^

[@varelsemind5741]

As an AMAB person, who understood relatively late in life (33yo) my attraction and fascination towards everything feminine, and how I identify my expression and tastes with this feminine in a much stronger way than I previous thought, I thought at first I was trans. But I know that I'll never be a woman, I can't fully transition due to a series of obstacles, so I settled with a nonbinary identity in order to express my disconnection with the masculine and how much I want to embrace the feminine. Perhaps I'm in denial, but considering my circumstances make it impossible to fully transition, I feel it's the best option I can settle for.

[@ChrissiX]

My realization came at 50. Not that we should feel the same, but I recognized and accepted that I am a trans-woman. Transition at this age is ... well ... you can only expect so much :) I don't need to achieve "woman" status (whatever that is). I also remind myself and others, the least interesting thing about me is the fact that I am a trans woman. I experience many of the same challenges and road blocks that every transwoman does, but I still feel 1000% better in everything I do. I feel honest. The choice is of course very individual, but "fully transition" is overrated. Do what you can, if it feels better. It WILL improve everything else about your life. IMHO FYI, non-binary is great --- it's the words "settle for" that I think should keep you looking for the best answer.

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and you are not alone! Many have to settle on compromises due to lifestyle, circumstance, finances, etc. One always has to do best they can given their circumstances. Wish you all the best.

[@ChristianCatboy]

@@ChrissiX I appreciate your take. For me, the fact that I am trans is something that I do want people to notice and be interested in, because I'm still recovering from 30 years of deeply-internalized religious trauma on the subject. Maybe in a perfect world it wouldn't be a big deal whether someone is trans or cis (or whether they're a man or a woman or both/either/neither), but right now in history that isn't the case. Most secular people are ignorant of gender theory, and mostly kinda don't care one way or the other, I suppose; but I know what it's like to be raised from childhood to build one's identity on a queer-phobic Evangelical worldview, where it's taught that traditional binary gender roles were eternally mandated directly by God in the Garden of Eden. Those are the people I want to "shock" with my unabashed nonbinary presentation.

[@ChrissiX]

Thank you so much Dr. Z. I have the resources available (took a while, but found a good therapist) but I wasn't gaining any real value from once a month sessions where I struggled to find things to discuss. But, listening to you every day (especially when it doesn't directly relate to me) is exactly the boost and positive thoughts I need to excel at life everyday. Again, thank you.

[@DRZPHD]

You're most welcome! So glad to be of help. Sorry about the therapist.

[@ChrissiX]

@@DRZPHD Tough time for everyone right now to find a good therapist. Tough time for overworked therapist to do their best.

[@SuperDiabloKin]

Thank you so much for this video. I identified as genderqueer early in my transition but it was 2007 and no one knew what that was so I leaned more to a binary position(I’m amab). I know that I am non binary but i like to check over and over again to be sure. So far it has been stable and I like where i am at. Your list of questions had me thinking about my process and I couldn’t help but nod my head over some of the thing you said. Like identifying as one gender exclusively because one gets tired of fighting an up hill battle every day. Oof, I’ve been there. I relate to some of binary trans women’s narrative but also at the same time the non binary one. I guess that makes me Trans femme? I don’t know but I don’t feel right calling myself a transwoman when I know i have another part of my gender that’s not. Times like these I feel non binary makes more sense.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I am so glad the content was helpful. It is a battle given society is so stuck on binary.

[@babs_babs]

if boys are blue and girls are pink, i’d say my gender is yellow. that’s the best way i know to explain it to others. my gender expression is whatever edit: i put off this video for a long time because i didn’t want my answers to the questions to be wrong and for me to prove myself a fake nonbinary. these questions were actually pretty affirming. nice 👍

[@delianazare2553]

In that situation, I'm a bluish purple or pinkish purple depending on the day

[@nirestrunk4923]

This is lovely. Amazingly high quality video! I am an older NB person. It's always very hard to articulate to people how I KNOW I am 100% non-apologetically/non-hesitatly non -binary. BUT not knowing where I sit specifically under the umbrella/spectrum is OK and I think you've helped me understand that better! Really well put together!❤

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you. I agree it can be hard to articulate for others but as long as you can articulate for yourself verbally or non verbally that’s all that matters.

[@stephanievandenberg5559]

Non binary doesn’t exist

[@Jonus_Grumby]

@nirestrunk4923 If you're really non binary can you get pregnant and get someone pregnant?

[@bluetotoros8513]

ive been out as a trans guy for 7 years now, but it didn't feel like it quite captured everything, so i've always still been questioning a little. this brought up some interesting questions and leads, thank you💖

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear it was helpful.

[@TonusFabri2024]

Good questions! I have always been completely comfortable with my AGAB (male), but all my adult life I have also been conscious of my feminine side, and value it. Way back in the 1970s the only word for this was "androgynous", and I was happy to accept it. I felt it made me more adaptable, more flexible. At times I would explore this more seriously: I remember when I was about 30, in a guided meditation, imagining how it would feel to be pregnant, and a couple of years later seriously discussing with my wife the possibility of my inducing lactation in order to nurse our firstborn. Now in my seventies I am delving even more deeply, experimenting with cross-dressing and makeup. For a couple of weeks I was in a high state of uncertainty, not sure if I was going trans, or just crazy. Then I discovered your videos, Dr Z, and you have settled my mind greatly. Now I am OK, I am not crazy, my subconscious is not driving me trans; I am at home with my gender, I am simply enjoying expressing my other side. Perhaps I am nonbinary; I am going to go over your questions again. But it's only a label after all; I am who I am! Thank you Dr Z.

[@ystava686]

I thought I was transgender for at least a decade when I was in my 20's. I couldn't relate to males and felt more connected to females. I definitely have body dysphoria and wish I had a female body. But after I really examined it realized I didn't feel female around females either. When I was young there weren't examples of trans women who weren't femme and weren't hetero. I'm not even sure I would have made the cut with medical transition because I believe that was the requirements in the 80's. Also, when I was happiest, I didn't think about my gender or my body... everything I love about myself it doesn't matter. So by the time I got to 30 I decided that my identity wasn't tied up in my sexuality and gender. Now 20 years later from that I realized that I am agender flux ... librafluid. I am gray asexual too... so I don't run into a lot of mind/body conflict over sexuality... If I were younger, my path might've been much different... but here I am.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@RiftWalker111]

Thank you AMAB here, for a while I've been feeling more androgynous and non-binary feels extremely right for me and this video almost cements those feelings for fir me. You dropped this video at such a perfect time, thank you.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it was helpful!

[@SeaBreeze-w9999]

Even if you're androgynous, you're still a man.

[@Anna_RetroSynth]

I keep coming back to this video. I don't feel comfortable as a man at all, but I also don't feel comfortable with the idea of being a woman. I don't like He/Him and I don't like She/Her. I am most comfortable being feminine, but I don't feel the need for a medical transition. I'm all over the place. I wish my brain would settle on a feeling and stick with it. Because I also really like to look like a pretty woman in private. (In private because I'm not looking for male attention at all). Dressing like a woman feels great! But I can't bring myself to do it in public. I wear casual women's clothing that is more masculine looking in order to curb the gender dysphoria and not get harassed. Life is so confusing!

[@Cookieloafres]

I get misgendered all the time, because I identify as non-binary I just get told “you do it to fit in” Why I identify as nonbinary because I just feel insecure calling myself a girl. I feel dirty and worthless as a girl. When I identify as nonbinary meaning with no gender I feel a lot better.

[@ThatJay283]

im now a nonbinary person on hrt :)) i'm on estrogen monotherapy (day 3). so far I've just noticed a generally better mood lol. maybe my scent is slightly less pungent too but idk :)

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.

[@ScampScanner]

Are you planing to stay on hrt forever or to take it, till you look neutral?

[@ThatJay283]

@@ScampScanner im planning on staying on it forever

[@brynl-k4118]

These are great questions. After listening to your questions, I realized exploring over the past 10 years was trying to answer some of these. Something I realize for myself is that I had to ask myself questions on sexuality too, it was wibblywobbly over time and sometimes hrt or perhaps transition in general influences or perhaps encourages this exploration. Not sure if you have a video on how these things can effect each other. Do you think that eventually nonbinary people will be gendered correctly by strangers without prompting them some day (soon)? Do you think society currently is putting nonbinary in a box of "other," so females have to dress feminine , males dressing masculine, nonbinary HAVE to dress androgynously in order to be nonbinary? I have come across this concept with people who dont really understand that gender expression and someone's gender identity could be on way different parts of the spectrum. Thank you again for your support, your channel is important to us and hopefully others even outside the community wanting to understand.

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. Wow you pose fantastic questions. Thank you. Some of my thoughts: 1. I do believe that we as a culture are slowly moving to a broader understanding of gender and are moving away from binary gender language. So yes, I believe nonbinary folks will not so much be gender, but that the humanity will shift to a more gender neutral language without the need to gender others. However, in my view thats hundreds years away from today. I hope I am very very wrong about this but knowing how ingrates binary system is in every fabric of society, I feel it will take a long time. 2. I think there are some that do put nonbinary into androgynous box. Often this are folks who cling to binary and are trying to resolve dissonance gap they feel by normalizing it in such way. For others, nonbinary is a valid gender identity that can be expressed in androgynous way but doesn't have to be. To your final point, yes! Even many gender diverse folks sometimes dont understand that ones core gender identity can be different from their gender expression and gender role. I.e: gender identity trans man, gender expression feminine, gender role agender.

[@Joy-B]

Thank you so much for your videos Dr. Z. They are so informative and have really helped me while I'm in the process of questioning my gender. One question I have is how to tell the difference between if you are nonbinary or if you are a cis person who is a gender non conforming. I know gender identity and gender expression are different concepts, but I am not sure if the discomfort I have being seen as a woman is related to identity or if I simply desire not to have a stereotypical "womanly" gender expression and adhere to female gender roles.

[@DRZPHD]

Hi, this is an excellent question. For starters, you can be nonbinary and gender nonconforming. I don't think it's necessary to feel a need to aspire only to one word/label to define self. Having said that, it's all about experiencing self as a cis non conforming person and self as a nonbinary non conforming person. Only experiences help you derive at a clear understanding of who you are. Wish you all the best.

[@Mark_T]

Interesting thoughts, thank you. I take a very simplistic view of it all: I'm just me, and I don't give too much thought about identifying masculine or feminine, although I prefer to present feminine :-)

[@DRZPHD]

I like your view! I think when we complicate things we just get stuck in mental loop.

[@NonbinaryCatDad]

I have no gender dysphoria, but have recently come to realize that I also don't feel connected to any specific gender either. I've always admired gender nonconformity and defying traditional gender roles. But it was only recently that I really accepted being nonbinary and agender as an option for myself. I have come to realize that gender is like clothes I put on to present myself to the world. I'll probably keep doing it as I'm used to, but my core identity isn't bound to any specific gender. Also, I have recently discovered that they/them pronouns bring me joy. My medium sized hands, feet, and stature bring me joy. My ambiguously tenor/alto singing voice brings me joy. Getting my hair styled as an undercut dramatically swept to one side brings me joy.

[@bruhmoment9010]

if you don’t have gender dysphoria - you aren’t trans. you can just be gender nonconforming, no need to put this bullshit nonbinary label on yourself…

[@victoriuhh4563]

I never liked being referred to as he/him, because as an intersex Female with excessive body hair and a deeper voice than "normal" women people would call me he/him as an insult. Just to demean me. So now im unsure if i actually dislike it or if i just associate it with the social humiliation? Anyway i really appreciate your input, it has given me something to think about!

[@apollozeusg-lg9ev]

I didn't know Edna Mode had a KZbin channel 😅

[@portersmith1876]

From 2010 up until 2022 I was in a homosexual relationship however, near the end of the relationship when my ex-boyfriends' mother passed after a prolonged battle with metastatic pancreatic cancer. Upon receiving the early morning phone call telling us that his mother had passed during the night hours, After that point our relationship started to gradually deteriorate on a progression which steadily worsened over time. but in the last 4 to 5 years of the relationship I started to figure out that I wasn't homosexual,heterosexual or bisexual however I was in fact a young pan-sexual person.

[@graceleathers5970]

This was wonderful! The most helpful non binary video I’ve seen. Thank you Dr! I’ll be working through these questions

[@DRZPHD]

So glad to hear!

[@newbeginning3568]

For me a problem is i can sometimes see myself as my amab gender but sometimes me as a girl, and its hard cause its like i can be both those people/forms , but each at different times, what is hard is i wanna get to just 1 identity, maybe i am mtf , maybe nonbinary, its confusing but thank u for ur videos. I feel i prefer female gender but i like my body physically and how it feels, i think i need to experiment dressing more

[@DRZPHD]

Hi. I would explore fluid gender if you haven't already.

[@Jim-H]

Where can I get a pair of glasses like those?

[@xryxix]

Appreciate how informative your videos are. Wishing well always 💚💛🧡❤️💜💙

[@xryxix]

I'm nonbinary also, just like what I like and don't care for being put in a box for how I'm supposed to present as myself

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for supporting and fuck yeah, screw the boxes.

[@TheAgamemnon911]

That was all helpful questions. Been through them already by myself. So I could take the label... ...if I would actually care about labels any longer.

[@LarryPhischman]

Are GD symptoms supposed to feel worse when you learn what is going on? I was officially diagnosed two weeks ago, and I've realized I've already lost to GS. It's like my mind and emotions are a museum and someone has been stealing exhibits one by one for decades, but I never noticed. Only now I've suddenly started paying attention and half the museum is gone!

[@DRZPHD]

I am so sorry to hear. Yes and no. Let me explain. Yes in a sense that once you have understanding of what's going on and how it operates, you begin to see it in present and also how it presented in the past of your life. This causes a lot of pain and distress which feels like an increase in dysphoria and one can say it also is. No in a sense that while it may lead to increase, the worsening of how you perceive it depends on your personality. Are you obsessive anxious type? Someone who struggles to accept things? Tend to ruminate? Some personalities will dwell on things, maximizing pain. Hope this helps clarify.

[@LarryPhischman]

@@DRZPHD obsessive, anxious, depressive, lonely but afraid of socialization. I'm autistic with a history of social and sensory trauma, which i'm finally in therapy for. I felt fine when I didn't know anything was missing, but now I do and I want it back. But because of work and family obligations the soonest I can start HRT is mid June. I'm already registered with one of my states three GA services with an intake session late next month.

[@Shalanaya]

@@LarryPhischman I would recommend to try to go water fast for at least a week and meditate during those days to clear up your mind, it can regenerate your cells and re-wire your brain to think clearly. This is something I would recommend to all people before attempting transition, it can help you get more in touch with who you really are in terms of gender identity and what path is right for you.

[@Andreas-gh6is]

For me, asexual or non-binary was a choice before I discovered I'm probably quite high on the autistic spectrum, so I lack much of the Humanity that is necessary to even speak about sexuality or belonging to a gender.

[@PossumMedic]

Being autistic doesn't exclude you from conversations about sexuality and gender!

[@FrozEnbyWolf150]

I wish I had this information years ago, then maybe I might have figured it out sooner. I had long ago ruled out that I was transfeminine and thus assumed I couldn't possibly be trans at all. I know I'm nonbinary because had I been AFAB I would still want to transition to some extent. I'm ambivalent towards my AGAB but they say indifference, not hate, is the opposite of love.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@rickpearson7943]

Can someone be nonbinary if they don't fit perfectly with a gender stereotype? For example, a woman has short hair and likes sports. Or a man that doesn't like team sports...?

[@LaHayeSaint]

Dr Z -- What category does a bisexual fall into? They may be biologically male or female, or even trans. Does the bisexual fall into any category other than bisexual?

[@DRZPHD]

Hi. Bisexual is a sexual orientation and is not anchored by any gender identity. Thus any gender identified person can be bisexual in regard to their sexuality.

[@LaHayeSaint]

@@InsomniacMoonbat Sir Maddam -- It starts to get complex!

[@PossumMedic]

Thank you 🙏 Edit: It would be good to see a video on how to politely correct pronouns. When I search KZbin I just find bigoted videos 😔

[@killer_rabbit42]

I'm not sure if it would be considered non-binary but is there a category where you're okay with the gender you were born with, you just don't care about it because you don't follow gender roles & don't think they should still be a thing in today's world, & all you want is for others to see you as a person & not assume things about you based on your gender?

[@DRZPHD]

Yes, gender non conforming or gender bending. It's less of a category but more about how you express yourself in presentation and gender role.

[@laurelgardner]

It sounds like you may be agender but your opinions on how other people should or shouldn't do gender are just that.

[@RC-qf3mp]

Everybody is nonbinary, depending on how you define it. Nobody is nonbinary, depending on how you define it. It’s a dumb question. What matters is whether you’re healthy, or struggling in some concrete area of life. Wondering whether you’re non binary is like wondering whether you’re really a Gemini or if you feel more like a Virgo.

[@M-CH_]

That's a very pretty necklace.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you.

[@workoutwitharu]

Thanks for a great video!

[@ScampScanner]

Is there a diffrence between "nonbinary dysphoria " and binary dysphoria?

[@DRZPHD]

Hi. I am only familiar with gender Dysphoria which may or may not be stemming from identity incongruency.

[@ScampScanner]

@@DRZPHD But do nonbinarys experience gender dysphoria diffrently from transsexual people?

[@danielgouge4639]

​@@ScampScannerI think some do at least from watching KZbin videos it seems like their dysphoria can be different but they still feel uncomfortable.

[@jaelgg6264]

Thank you Dr. I love your channel

[@DRZPHD]

You are so welcome!

[@serenditymuse]

Interesting. I was born trans in that whatever that internal gender identity THING is it was set more opposite apparent chromosomal sex than not. So I transitioned a long time ago now. I definitely felt a lot better on female side of gender fence. Yet I feel like I work a bit a presenting female like I am still in some sense "acting" just not as much as I dd before transition when I was trying to do the male "acting". I was seriously woodworked for a while after transition. I did my best to simulate and with deep method acting if you will what I imagined I would be like if cisgender female. It was important to me at the time not to be seen as trans or different. I finally figured out that was internalized transphobia and was a dishonest. If you are born gender different you are just not cisgender and never will be exactly like you would have been if were. You are some variant of "gender mutt" - some mixture. Eventually I felt more like "When do I get to stop acting and just be me?" So I calmed down on pushing gendered expression quite so hard. I feel way way more comfortable with she,her than with he,him and always have. And yet it doesn't seem to fully express me in some way. I remember growing up and first encountering forms with Sex: M F. I would spend a while on whether to mark one or the other or none. AMAB and living male mostly though most of my friends were female and yet I didn't feel wholly like my female friends either and wasn't presenting that way. It was a conundrum. Today it is not at all so hard to hit F but sometimes it just doesn't feel like all there is to the story. And quite often I am just pissed off at the entire emphasis on which of the two one is. In so many areas it is just not relevant. Not to me at least.

[@VonKrolok-mf3uc]

Can you be NOT non binary even when you think you're non binary? 🤔

[@kevino4372]

Am I non binary... answer is no.

[@chriswilcocks8485]

Can someone explain the difference between nonn binary and bi gender

[@babs_babs]

non binary is when you have a gender identity that’s outside of typical man/woman identities. bi gender means you have two gender identities. bi-gender people sometimes identify as nonbinary, but some don’t. most nonbinary people don’t identify as bi-gender, but some do.

[@bruhmoment9010]

easy - both are made up bullshit

[@EmberNyxtical]

i started questioning my gender like… a year n a half maybe? tbh i never really thought bout my AGAB or gender in general before that, just didnt really matter to me. my silly little adhd brain had other things it wanted to do lol. and rn idk how i ACTUALLY feel abt being perceived as female, bc i currently identify as nonbinary and i feel like my brain might be doing smth silly. cus rn it doesnt feel good but before i didnt care so IDKKK oh wait second question is answered by above gender binary is ew,,,,, (idk lol-) gender roles are disgusting im not conforming to either. i would like to have my violent thoughts in peace, maybe taking it out on some people in PHIGHTING! lol. also i dont like being like one of the overly feminine people i still dont know bout my expression, i need to play around with that. also before somewhat recently i usually didnt care how i looked, even if i looked like an absolute mess. i only cared that none of it was hindering me physically (i.e. hair being in my face, stuff like that) i dont even know what my gender feels like, i swear my gender was here a sec ago i’ll find it i promise (my current theory is that over time my adhd just started hiding more and more of my gender in its brainfog until i got to here. thats adnurix for you lol) i like they/them, she/her really just depends on… ig how i feel. like, maybe related to my depressive episodes? maybe that also applies to my gender but i have no clue all i know bout my gender is 1. im not male and 2. idk where the hell it is i have no clue uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[@radigass]

The hair 😂

[@DRZPHD]

Yes the hair! Enjoy!

[@USA_Rockstar]

I was wondering. I want to identify as a pickle. How do I get started? 😂😂😂

[@ara7372]

💛🤍💜🖤

[@JohnW-hm3eg]

Your approach left out a critical assessment, DNA testing. Some males when tested actually test as female due to non presence of y chromosome! But as you already know it is not the y chromosome that determines the male, it is the SRY gene! And if the SRY is pathogenic then enters the possibility of female! Also the possibility that other autosome chromosomes also have the ability to determine male mess or lack of males can and do change in a persons lifetime to have interest of both female and male thus throwing the proverbial wrench into why its really not necessary to be either female or male. Which is why your argument centers on gender band not the actual reproductive terms female and male. Understand!!??

[@Libertarian606]

I don’t understand the obsession with identifying in a particular way. As a person who doesn’t conform to the gender assigned to them, and somebody who believes that the entire social construct of gender no longer holds any value for society, I don’t see why people that are particularly oppressed by this construct should want to perpetuate it? It’s time to let it go. Obviously I understand that we still live in a gendered world and have to support and protect people that are particularly subject to gender oppression but this nerdish game of categorisation seems to offer nothing but a further compounding of a useless and damaging phenomenon

[@Maelstrome123]

What do you think it would it look like if gender were to disappear ?

[@DRZPHD]

Hi. To each, it’s own. What I see is that many ppl need a way to understand their experiences and identifying in a particular way offer that as well as define their experiences.

[@Libertarian606]

@@Maelstrome123 good question, and very difficult to answer considering my 57 years of indoctrination. Still, I’ll have a crack at it - I think true self expression and creativity would likely flourish with the abandonment of the divisions caused by categorisation. I think that people like me wouldn’t suffer the banal daily grind of looking at confused faces and rebutting the dim witted assertions of bewildered automatons, or the well meaning patronisation of kindly souls(oh, you’re sooo brave). I would imagine that the instances of gender dysphoria would be considerably reduced but I’m really just guessing as it as a non sufferer I’m not really qualified to make such a claim. Intuitively though this seems pretty likely. I think we’d have better names, better hair and better clothes!😀 Most importantly I think there would be numerous advantages that we can’t even imagine whilst immersed in this anachronistic notion. I mean, to some extent at least, the notion of non binary and other gender descriptors outside of the recognised orthodox binary actually gives credibility to this daft idea, and demonstrates how deeply invested in it even the most non conforming of us are. Once it’s finally eradicated who knows what wonders we may find in the other side?

[@Maelstrome123]

@@Libertarian606 we are working towards that world. Gender incongruence and dysphoria does not directly connect with gender roles though. The world you imagine without the idea of gender is the same one that occurs with a greater understanding of gender diversity. There would still be trans people in the world you imagine. Also keep in mind that labels are how we describe and communicate concepts. People would just create new labels for how they experience themselves. That would be the new concept that would replace gender.

[@Libertarian606]

@@Maelstrome123 I don’t disagree with you. I guess I’m frustrated and impatient. Thanks for the interaction❤️

[@thevally6127]

Lost brain cells listening to this😂

[@Jonus_Grumby]

Everyone in these comments is either male or female. You can identify as a penguin if you wish but that doesn't make you one.

[@RM-xr8lq]

"my tribe is ethnocentric, our beliefs and rituals involve 2 genders that we use the English word 'male' and 'female' for" fixed it for you buddy 😂

[@Jonus_Grumby]

@@RM-xr8lq Every language in the history of humans has had words for men and women. Every primate is divided into male and female. When Chinese archeologists dig up an ancient skeleton they determine if it was male or female. This is a little bigger than the evil western civilization you love to hate.

[@Jonus_Grumby]

@@RM-xr8lq Every language in the history of the human race has had words for men and women. Every primate is divided by male and female. Archeologists around the world classify any human bones they find as male or female.

[@Jonus_Grumby]

@@RM-xr8lq I'll try replying again. But my comments have been deleted. That alone is a sign you are on shaky moral ground. Every language in the history of man has had words for man and woman. Every primate is divided into male and female. It's not some invention by western civilization.

[@nanners2542]

do you know what intersex means

[@marcielynn4886]

Just pick a team already!

[@SeaBreeze-w9999]

If you're asking yourself whether you are non-binary the answer is very simple: no.

[@PossumMedic]

🙄🙄🙄 Why are you even here?

[@benjaminfranklin8412]

Do I menstruate? If so, I am not nonbinary. I am female. Stop misogyny. Stop hate. Stop lesbophobia.

[@dogenjoyer2480]

Lmao

[@private-local-enemy]

i also menstruate. i'm not a woman. bugger off.

[@bflower1562]

Sunlight will do you all some good..😂😂😂

[@apollozeusg-lg9ev]

Laying off the pr0n and giving up trolling youtube would do you some good

[@private-local-enemy]

depends on how much. if you're going to be exposed to the sun on a cloudless day for more than fifteen minutes you will need sunscreen or you risk damaging the dna of your skin.

[@keyboarddancers7751]

I work in the field of special educational needs with young people between the age of 16-25 and this ridiculous nonsense is rife amongst them. They are obviously EXTREMELY vulnerable to external influence but that description can legitimately be applied to any young person of that age and it really makes me angry that adults flaunting nebulous credentials like "gender therapist" and quoting Judith Butler (for pheurck's sake!!) are so easily accessible to this age group especially given their lack of consolidated cognitive/emotional maturity (ask any motor vehicle insurance provider). I could say so much more...

[@private-local-enemy]

i find it particularly telling that the cut-off for your concern trolling is 25 and not 18. maybe you'd be able to get away with 21 if you're in america, the land of being able to go to war before you can drink a beer, but uh. lmao found an idiot who i presume fell for the debunked study about brain maturity.

[@Handlealreadytaken.Trythisone.]

Be who you want at all times, let that be first. Try and don't misunderstand and I'm not necessarily talking about everyone. I can understand the labeling of character traits as being feminine or masculine and exploring this feature, but not having people forcibly awknowledge those labels by creating mandatory (and useless) pronouns. You should be content with keeping it to yourself or people that are into it. Don't force others to join and punishing those that use pronouns for what they're pragmatically good for. Pronouns are part of the identification markers for you to simply get the attention of a person (or point someone out you don't know the name of). I.e. 'that tall girl with the purple shirt' I.e. 'good evening miss, how can I help you?' See simple and effective. I really don't see what all the fuzz is about in having to need others to awknowledge such an (for everybody but you) insignificant thing in their daily lives. Mandatory speech is dangerous and annoying. Don't be mad, you should explore this feature if you feel the need! Be well all!

[@PossumMedic]

What a goofy take "You belong in the closet and should say there!" 🤪 It's really easy actually: "That tall person with the purple shirt" "Good evening, how can I help you" Does that help explain things?

[@Jonus_Grumby]

No. My parents loved me and I played little league baseball.

[@PossumMedic]

Gross 🤢

[@amberpearce222]

girl what is up with ur hair 😨😨😨

[@jreamscape]

This makes no sense

[@Newsclues-kz6og]

I feel pity for you people. Non binary isn't a thing kiddos.... Go outside

[@PossumMedic]

Grow up