Amber Reacts to Dr. Delony's Life-Changing Advice

[@jowosocal]

Amber I agree completely. Not every alcoholic drinks because of trauma. Some just start out as social drinkers and dont stop. The more and the longer over the years they drink the more the addiction takes hold. There could be a genetic component but that’s not the point. It’s the increase in the behavior. My beautiful intelligent daughter started w a few cans of beer in high school. Moved on to wine in college. Moved on to vodka and benzos in law school. Had a son, had a successful career…today at 47 she has lost her home, lost her law license, using hard drugs and her 15 yr old son is living with me. He refuses to talk to her in fact hasn’t in 2 years. She and her current addicted husband are somewhere in Southern CA. We don’t know where. Needless to say, we’ve been thru it all….almost. After all the steps, all the rehabs, all the counseling, in the past 2 years you and prayer have given me the most peace. Thank you for all you do.

[@trollsnotwelcome7805]

But surely if someone gets to the stage of drinking daily it's mental health issues. If any of us needs to drink or do drugs to get through our day it's bound to affect our mental health. I'm so sorry for the experience you having with your beautiful daughter. Wishing you strength and better days ahead

[@woolfhebervalley]

It can become a mental illness, but doesn't always start out that way. Anything that's mind or mood altering can eventually mess with your brain. I know hardcore addicts that quit in a variety of ways; they became mentally healthy upon quitting. @@trollsnotwelcome7805

[@megsley]

my husband has his first taste of liquor at 14 and has loved booze ever since - no trauma driving it, his dad is a big drinker (also a type A personality who was very successful in everything he did) as well so probably just genetic and seeing it as a child.

[@bobbiG3008]

I recently discovered this channel and I am so thankful! My husband and I separated 3 days ago because his alcohol problem has become too big and too dangerous. I have not wanted to admit to myself how big of a problem that I knew it was because that means going down a hard road and facing unknowns. Scarey stuff. I asked for the separation. So in searching for support and trying not to have any contact with him for a few days I found your channel Amber❤ The reason I don’t want contact for a while is because I’m not strong enough to not ask him to come back. We’ve been down this road before.

[@dragonflyrising1111]

The “it’s not that bad, I have under control mentality” accommodated with the triggering people, place and boredom that drive people to relapse!

[@diannh2894]

Boredom forsure!

[@Quartzone6145]

Love this vidoe im at that stage of exhaustion with my partner.

[@13abcde]

That part about needing to focus only on the alcohol problem and not on everything at once is quite profound.

[@elizabethhayes1983]

Your analysis of that session was so practical and helpful. Please do more of these!

[@eamsutton]

19:06 love what you are saying about trauma! This is one of the things that sets you apart from non experts. It’s the alcoholism itself that can cause problems, they are not doing it bc of trauma!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You get me!

[@kalanilopez8394]

totally agree! been sober for 6 years now and during the first few years I've learned that although drinking and using was a byproduct of bigger problem, I have always tried to use those problems as an excuse to drink. Even when I got sober I still used the things that traumatized me to behave the same way I used to.

[@diannh2894]

What I've noticed in my life is that when someone is an alcoholic, their personality and their behavior majorly change.

[@deborahstarman9874]

Self Pity, seems to be the driving force of addiction.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

💯💯💯💯

[@123yeet]

This caller reminds me of my husband. My husband has periods of sobriety, but continually relapses. Lost his job almost 4 years ago and has never fully committed to any program. I got help for myself and also try to follow Amber's advice, but I need to keep my kids safe and must move on!

[@Xrusha_]

Wow, this was so interesting and really educational. THank you Amber!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

My pleasure. So, glad you liked it!

[@pennynorth955]

I remember this phone call. I'm a regular listener of John Deloney.

[@monarene44]

I can’t believe the caller said, “I’m a relationship guy and I need love.” But he blows up his marriage and family because he can’t stop drinking. “I had a withdrawal seizure but I’ve never had any legal problems.” He needs a CT scan because his brain must be atrophied.

[@Sincerely_lish]

Enjoying listening to both of you

[@kathyborg5863]

Great video!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thank you Kathy!

[@bellfarley]

Amber - you are doing great work. Good it going. Still working on me - but - a very different focus right now. So happy we worked together on me. Thank you

[@jerimow8400]

Good stuff … thank you both!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@forest1butterfly]

Love this! Wow! Thank you!🎉

[@PutTheShovelDown]

So glad!

[@a..r.9341]

❤ i was abroad for some months, back on youtube I see you have about 3 times more subscribers. Congrats❣️.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Welcome back!

[@larrylanham2779]

Love the reaction videos!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Larry!

[@michelleradford5956]

So true. 💁🏽‍♀️👍🏾

[@pixfan2008]

I also love the John Delony show and watch him on the Ramsey Show also. The one thing I don't like is that he throws that "trauma" card into so many conversations. Not everyone has a "bad mommy" or "I was jealous " excuse...and they are excuses. People need to OWN their actions and consequences! They are ADULTS! I am a psych nurse for 32 years, a mom to 4 kids and 1 of them is a relapsing alcoholic for the past 17 years( since he was 17). The alcoholic child has always been jealous of the others and the others see that he gets wayyyy more attention and time because of the addiction. This really started when his first girlfriend broke up with him and he lost it. I've done anything and everything that I know to do as a parent and a nurse. I was present, sober, supportive, at every game and wrestling match...involved. I've feel like it's my fault as a mom, in my heart, but in my brain, I know I'm not. I've been listening to Amber for months. Some days I think, well, I did everything wrong. Some days, I think I did the best I could. I'm currently doing her method to try to help him because nothing has worked long term at this point. He's slowly killing himself. I just can't stand it. Sorry...I jumped up on my soapbox about blaming trauma and got on a rant.🙄

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I agree with you! I think sometimes the addiction happens first then the person (and their family) looks for an explanation. If you look hard enough, you'll find something.

[@brendapeterson7039]

I appreciate your comment. My daughter loved the social aspect of drinking and how it loosened ppl up to open up more. Now after crimes and severe addiction it’s our fault and she finds everything to blame but herself. Their choices do have consequences.

[@davidcasson5602]

Hi , good show ,all round ,I agree with you Amber , he’s relapsing because , he’s not deadly serious about stopping and thinks he can control it himself, or he did till recently , as he’s now starting to lose things . I also agree with you about past trauma,, If they said instead it was the pressures of modern life ,,, which then carried over into their chill out time , I’d more likely go with that ,, but once the blood alcohol level needs to be maintained, they are an addict. Not a trauma victim . They will soon have some trauma though . So I repeatedly had to ignore ,, people who said “” they must be running away from something “” . Take it too much of this substance, & anyone can get hooked on it and typically when drunk , repeat the same justification, excuse, “”I was wronged , dumped “etc . I had all this , it’s all a smoke screen of happy melancholy. They are on their own due to one thing ,, being “”Drunk and disorderly “.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

💯💯💯

[@megsley]

if he wants his wife back then he has to accept full responsibility for his choices, hes got to hold himself fully accountable. he cant keep minimizing and deflecting and expect things to get better!

[@lauriebancroft2538]

In my mind, no one had a perfect childhood. I think of trauma on one end of the spectrum & personal difficulties on the other end. We all land somewhere on the spectrum. Even, if it's just in a person's mind that one sibling is liked more than another, the feeling of "not enough" can easily take root. The sibling who is flavored has the pressure of keeping their place. My point is that we all have childhood issues. Our culture doesn't really support ppl to b themselves. I think that this is the void that dr. Delony was talking about.

[@diannh2894]

Of course you have to PHYSICALLY heal before you tackle your MENTAL health. I strongly disagree with having to convince anyone. (Talking about his wife) It's sort of selfish in a way. You need to do it for YOU. That's it. He may also need to ditch her for a while to get his mind together first. Not to mention, yes, going away can be great, BUT there is ALWAYS a corner in every city or small town. There is always a liquor store for alcoholics. I hope this dude got better. But I also don't think AA or NA is the only way to deal with addiction. You need a support system, but it doesn't have to be a sponsor or some club that you need to go to every day for a crutch. (Which is a whole different topic in itself.) He needs to WANT to change first. He needs to take responsibility and start changing his behaviors, and he needs to do some deep thinking. There is no excuse. It's ALL in the head after the physical part is gone. People use the 12 step program as a crutch everyday. But they end up going back out because they DON'T want it bad enough. There has to be SOMETHING better than a less than 10% recovery rate. It really depends on how much you're willing to look at yourself and change. You don't need a big book or a meeting to tell yourself that. When you know, you know. I am over 6 years sober. Heroin/crack - Whatever else. I did care about my boyfriend, and I respected him enough to try. However, it was ME who wanted to stop. I didn't need meetings or any of that shit. I threw my phone out. Locked myself in a room for 35+ days. Detoxed and thought I would die. I literally deleted everyone on social media and deactivated my account too. I stopped going out and I refused to hang out or go anywhere that I knew would be a trigger to me. In the end, I did that. Not some NA or AA group. And I've been sober ever since. I work, and I am happy and grateful for my life. It really, really depends on HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO CHANGE! That's it! Regardless of trauma. Using trauma as a reason to get high is just an excuse. I went through a TON of trauma, and I think that is the reason I started to use, however, I've met many people who were just lacking some type of connection or responsibility. That's just my opinion, being someone who got sober from everything without moving out of my town, without having anything or anyone, I feel like anyone can do it - but again, if they truly, *really* want to.

[@wonderfulpeoplesavingtheearth]

i think this guy needs to address his boredom. that what propels his drinking. what about that? seems like a huge issue that's being ignored.

[@trollsnotwelcome7805]

AA doesn't work for everyone