How soon do Avoidants break No Contact? (When will they reach out to you)

[@pdubs1408]

Regarding avodiants, due to their deep insecurities, i think an important variable is their social circle, and family memebers cheerleading them on for making the "right" choice. As they say misery loves company.

[@denimspear]

I agree very much with your comment.

[@linamarie84]

1000%

[@hannalicious_c]

That’s right

[@yoyito2020]

It's so ridiculous that I agree with this comment. It's true, my ghoster is avoidant and I know he will never reach out because his friends are so shitty and toxic, and I had to call him and them out before leaving, and the saddest part is that he's NEVER gonna reach out and make it right because he needs validation and lap dogs, and his friends probably hate me so much that they will fill his heads with things and he never listens to the voice of reason. It's Funny because when he was being confusing and ignoring my messages, avoiding answering questions, etc, they agreed and said that he was an asshole. Like you said, misery loves company. I even wrote that like 4 hours ago in my twitter profile. LOL. Good riddance, I guess.

[@0Demiyah0]

The other side can also be applicable. Their family and friends might tell them they made the wrong choice to end the connection or not choose a deeper commitment.

[@teamneverlost]

It took 7 weeks of no contact for my avoidant ex to reach out. Made contact under the guise of wanting some music. Nothing was said that showed any introspection or shift in awareness. Felt just like to gain attention and talk about themselves. The further I get away from the relationship, the clearer I see how badly I allowed myself to be treated. I feel much more at peace now. I will not invite the disrespect and turmoil back into my life again. Unless I can see there has been significant change there's nothing to even begin to work with.

[@gayleneflower398]

good luck...each time it happens it gets longer and worse. They get resentful, angry and nasty when you point out issues in the r/s.

[@Nami66148]

Same here asking “what’s new etc when all he wanted was sex” I told him be straightforward and cut the BS get straight to the point.

[@Nami66148]

Yes take care of you that’s the most important. I’ve been exercising and doing other things for “ME” pamper yourself and love yourself as only you can do that better than anyone else

[@sierraG333]

They'll never reach out. They have shiny new object syndrome so they just go to their next victim, who they will lead on and then discard.

[@sf808opalaman]

very NPD-ish, too....

[@chris51385]

It’s more than shiny new object, for them they are basically malfunctioning, short-circuiting humans on a fundamental level. They have zero insight into themselves as the problem in any relationship. So their facade comes down, their dating partner points out their alarming behavior, they feel attacked and then blame the victim, then abruptly discard and leave. And they find the next one in the hopes it will somehow go differently and that this one will meet their impossible expectations. The next one won’t and they will do the same thing again and reinforce their narrative that the problem is the other person and not possibly them. Some of them never break free from this pattern. They’re unlikely to heal. Way more hope for the anxious because at least they want attachment.

[@KLEFF718]

My friend's BF called within the week even though she said don't contact me.

[@gayleneflower398]

@@chris51385 BINGO. If they were not already working on another r/s when they"discarded", they jump on internet to find another victim. "They have zero insight into themselves as the problem in any relationship. So their facade comes down, their dating partner points out their alarming behavior, they feel attacked and then blame the victim, then abruptly discard and leave."

[@gayleneflower398]

agree. hurtful monkeybranchers

[@MK-tb4gj]

45-60 days is absolutely NOT enough for a true avoidant. Most people should be expecting 3-4 months MINIMUM for an avoidant ex to begin resurfacing. If they have anxious tendencies, that will completely throw off the whole timeline, as they will keep cycling btw the anxious & avoidant sides repeatedly. (Both my ex and I are BOTH avoidants so I speak from some personal experience.)

[@healingwithcharlie]

I agree for the most part. 3-4 months isn't very long for most people after long term relationships however I've known some highly emotionally intelligent avoidants who can process breakups like a securely attached person would so it's different for everyone I suppose. I tend to advise waiting longer (usually 6-8 months) before seriously discussing getting back together. The longer the better in most cases. Thanks for sharing your experience!

[@AquaMoon80]

My sweet pain in the ass deeply avoidant goes from 2 week to 4 month cycles.... apparently I'm a little avoidant also and can now hang. Though also, non monogamous. I've got good people around

[@derwoodhamburger]

I've experienced 12-18 months

[@bill3469]

My avoidant girl cut contact for 4 months and came back suddenly a Saturday night from nowhere... Without any explication. Now we have contact every 3 days we went together for 4 days in Belgium. We are from Paris. ❤😂

[@mp4455]

I’ll be gone by then

[@arankagionetti2098]

Honestly who need this head ache!! Run for your life!

[@gayleneflower398]

AMEN

[@kheicee]

as much as i hate to admit, there's still a part of me that is still hoping my avoidant ex would message me. just a simple "hey, how are you? how are things?" would mean the world to me. its almost 4 months (this coming june 4 to be exact) since he broke up with me which was also the start of no contact. but sometimes the other part of my brain would say just move on cause he's never coming back and that he probably already forgot my existence haha.

[@arankagionetti2098]

What if he's come back ?? Then what??? Only one thing is for sure he's going to leave you again ! If he come back just to know you are still option !

[@carlrav5660]

Wow...June 4 will be four months for me. I hate to admit it too. I only broke no contact once in that time. I still wish she was in my life. But honestly I feel sad for her because she won't open up to have a real relationship. Her past relationships did damage her. So she justs avoids to protect herself. She doesn't realize she could have had a healthy relationship with me.

[@healingwithcharlie]

It's completely normal to want them to reach out. Speaking from other avoidants, many of them want to reach out during those initial months but for various reasons unique to them they often don't. While it's great to have some recognition from an ex that you still exist, I've learned the best option is to move on. He may come back, but you'll be in a far better position if you moved on assuming he won't. I wouldn't go as far to say they forget you exist, many avoidants intermittently ruminate about their exes for an extended period of time after the breakup

[@healingwithcharlie]

Absolutely! Happy to share more about avoidant perspectives/experiences in my coming videos :)

[@imranmuhammad8105]

@kheicee were you the reason of the break up to begin with ? You have to consider why the break up happened and then go accordingly based on that

[@ro9062]

Anxious attacher here, unresolved trauma pushed my avoidant ex away. Was painful to say the least but showed me what i need to change in order to lead a healthy life and find love again one day. Part of me wants him to reach out but it would be on his terms and i know i cant hold onto hope alls it will destroy me.

[@Goldbloodedgsw]

Hi ! I’m going through the exact same thing. I hope you choose you and you find a way to heal. I’m in that process that also wanting him back still to prove to him how great I am, but reality is he doesn’t deserve that. Stay strong

[@NewyJon7787]

My ex has both childhood trauma and is a widow. I was her first "serious" partner two years post her husbands death and boy did i pay a heavy emotional price for getting into that relationship. I love her, but i won't be inviting that hurt back into my life.

[@gayleneflower398]

Trauma attracts trauma, work on yourself.

[@Valthel]

@@gayleneflower398 That’s not always true. I had a really healthy, good childhood. There was not a single thing that I was traumatized by when I met my ex. But he had a really awful childhood. I think they’re attracted by something that they don’t have, and try to take advantage of it. And they just end up ruining you : )

[@ro9062]

I've been doing the work and he gave me another chance

[@Aries_moon20]

It took 9 months last time. I don’t think he will come back again but if he does I can’t fall back into the madness anymore. I have realized my values matter more than the temporary highs I get from seeing him when he decides I can. I am standing by my personal integrity

[@kingdombeauty8575]

The first time it took mine 3 months. The second time 9 months. And like you, I don’t think he’ll come back this time

[@Tryyy123]

@@kingdombeauty85759 months of strict no contact?

[@robturner7024]

The words “break up “ cuts like a knife when I hear it.

[@jenniferldohn]

Same it’s horrific

[@bad.chickie66]

At least you got that. All I got was “I’m overwhelmed I need time alone.”

[@tmreaves1]

That avoidant shit was toxic

[@robturner7024]

I’m absolutely traumatized right now from it .

[@gayleneflower398]

Agree 100% tmreaves!

[@sadiyahmukhtar197]

@@robturner7024me too😢

[@MikeJoints]

I met her 6 months ago. We had a 3-month relationship. Now I've been in no-contact for 70 days since she broke up with me. Honestly, I doubt she'll come back because she got back with her ex-boyfriend. That's just how life is.

[@norswil8763]

Just be thankful you didn’t i invest years of your life into her, like I did. The most devastating breakup imaginable - you’re incredibly lucky it was 3 months and not 3 years.

[@mattv2956]

​@norswil8763 Try nearly 10 odd years

[@norswil8763]

@@mattv2956 brother, I cannot even imagine that. Love is love isn’t it, that’s how much you’ll struggle for it, for them, their fears always conquer their love for you. They’ll run and hide rather than step out and move forward with you, it’s hard not to take it personally.

[@patrickl3238]

update?

[@MikeJoints]

@@patrickl3238 Seven months have passed. I’m still blocked everywhere except on Telegram, where she messaged me a couple of times with random comments on some statuses. But here’s the interesting part: last month, it was her birthday, and I didn’t reach out. She posted on her Telegram status, “IT'S ALL OVER.” Since then, she hasn't spoken to me again. Who knows what will happen, but I’m not waiting for her anymore.

[@TimothyBell90]

Ours fizzled out overtime. Said she doesn't know who she is anymore and wanted to focus on being a mother for awhile. Didn't part on bad terms. Truly hope she realizes I would love her through it all and comes back. But if not, I'll be ok.

[@DaPhillyCarGuru]

Also through a similar situation except we were set to be married in 8 months she was a single mother before. Now she has moved partially back to her moms and we are co parenting atm only time will tell. I really do recommend working on yourself I found recently I’m a anxious attached style person

[@rosieval]

My avoidant ex offered me a "beautiful friendship" after we broke up because he felt like he liked his independence and he didn't know how to reciprocate my love. I tried to do it but found out he wasn't even asking about me and we were barely communicating, and it was too much effort to grieve the relationship for almost nothing as a friendship. So I decided to block him.. it was starting to affect my mental health I still wish he would reach out but I am aware I need to block him to heal.. so I'm putting myself first now

[@gayleneflower398]

Run....friendship NO WAY!

[@vettie]

Similar story here. She claimed that she was better at friendship but she was actually so much worse at it. I suppose her definition of "being better" was feeling free from the obligation of reciprocation (which is obviously not a true friendship). You are incredibly beautiful by the way. I pray you find peace with someone who appreciates you and your efforts. Namaste. 🙏

[@rosieval]

@@vettie I’m sorry you had to go through that 😞 I have to agree that choosing the friendship takes away a lot of commitment and responsibility out of them🫂 thank you! 💗 and same for you

[@tommexwijs5253]

10 months nc and i still miss her, I could not handle it anymore and broke the thing we hath. I want her back but not like it was before, I can’t get over her

[@tsmariexox]

If its you who broke with her, its up to you to reach out.

[@Titepuce-qb4mh]

Reach out to her !!! Life is short smh

[@tommexwijs5253]

Maybe she is still the same

[@terris7842]

I’m feeling really despondent right now. It’s been 5 weeks since he told me to go away and that he never wanted to speak to me again. He had completely blindsided me, we were great and thriving one minute, cold for a few days and then bam, it’s over. No real explanation. I tried to talk to him about what happened, but when I got no replies, I just let him be. Then I ran in to him and he was really nice. Asked to meet up for coffee after he’d finished doing what he had to do. I went to the meet up place he suggested, and waited and waited. He never came. When I later asked why, he said he’d run in to friends and was busy catching up with them. I was upset and angry at the disrespect - not even a message to say he wasn’t coming. I told him it was a rotten thing to do and called him out for it. Worst thing I could have done, because he used my anger as a reason for pushing me away completely. He made me the villain. I was doing okay, but now going through a rough patch again. I know it’s still early days, but he seems like he’s out there living high again as though we never even happened. 😞

[@fionadale1011]

Don't have anything to do with anyone who treats you like that ever again

[@healingwithcharlie]

Sorry to hear about your recent experience. Although I can understand and rationalize why something like this can happen, I certainly wouldn't excuse it. I believe you're right though, it is possible he's used your anger as a means to an end. Sort of like an indirect way to self-sabotage what remained. You'll have good days and bad days, but over time I hope you're able to find a balance once again

[@Anvilsolo84]

don't let him stay rent free in your head! I got discarded in april after my dad went into the hospital and an ex got into my computer and phone on two separate occasions. told a one time close friend of what had happened throught both text and a letter, and she has completely ghosted me and is making it out like i was stalking her and a liar. I was very upset about how she's treated me, but let them. she's going to be learning the hard way now with the new group of much younger friends she has (*she's almost 50, her friend group is 20-30's.). Whatever they have put into her head about me, she believes them over me, even when i did nothing wrong. but she's got to learn the hard way and get the rug pulled from under her. love her, but it's never going to be the same anymore.

[@jasonshilcock998]

For those that are uncertain. Listen carefully to the advice. I have been in this cycle for 28 years. Breakup 5 now I believe. Outside stressors for lead to me dropping the ball this time. Also I worked and learned huge amounts at last one, this is now refreshing to re learn and there is far more great advice available now than 6 years ago. Learn about your partner but absolutely understand yourself 1st. Have faith, have diligence and all will become clearer and easier. Love yourself and you will begin to understand. When you heal. Then decide what is best for you. See what they have work they have done and move forward together or start a different new journey.

[@lak1294]

@jasonshilcock998, why WHY did you waste 28 years of your life and go through 5 (!!) breakups with your avoidant? That is no kind of relationship to have. It's blindingly obvious that you have avoidant issues yourself because you chose to stay in a non-relationship for decades instead of breaking it off and looking for something better. This is the opposite of a healthy, secure attachment.

[@kitty2doggyMeow]

So basically, the other persons "need" for space is more important than being open and communicating? isn't that putting someone else's need BEFORE yours?. It's the same thing as if someone is not respecting your requests for communication. So it does sound like one persons feelings are being put above "being more important" than the other persons feelings. That what they NEED is more important than what you NEED, even though both people have needs and a relationship should be a partnership, not putting one person before or above the other but having mutual respect. So one person is literally FORCED to give into the demands of the other which is not healthy.

[@healingwithcharlie]

That's an interesting perspective, thanks for sharing! I can understand how it can be seen as putting the other person's feelings above another's, but it's improtant to keep context in mind when talking about no contact: assuming someone is directly asking for no contact, it's to be interpreted as a boundary and therefore should be respected. Continuing to push for communication after no contact has been requested is an indirect way of saying communication is more important than that person's request for space I'm certainly not referring to when people ghost or go silent as that's not a communicated boundary. It can also be interpreted that the need to refrain from seeking communication from someone that's clearly not reciprocating that communication is not necessarily putting their needs above yours, but prioritizing your needs for peace and safety over someone that clearly is unable to give you what you need in that type of situation

[@kitty2doggyMeow]

@@healingwithcharlie I feel it is very immature and unhealthy to ghost someone else. It shows a lack of wanting to resolve problems or to explain the other persons perspective for "why" they do not wish to communicate or continue a relationship. So no, I do not agree with ghosting or using the silent treatment. I do interpret it as a sort of avoidance of problem solving and can even be used as manipulation when someone has done wrong and does not want to own up to their errors, and Why would someone be unable to give you what you want?. Think about it, everything we decide in life is a choice. So if I choose to support someone for example I am making a conscious choice. If I choose not to be kind, I am making a choice. So someone can always choose that yes, they want to do for the other.

[@denimspear]

@@healingwithcharlie thank you for clarifying. Based on comments it seems many have not communicated a need for space. That I would respect.

[@gayleneflower398]

@aristark559 Avoidants dont communicate, they RUN

[@kitty2doggyMeow]

@@healingwithcharlie I still don't get why that other person would feel "they can't give you what you need." How do they come to that rationalization?.

[@chris51385]

It’s almost if they psychically sense the purpose of no contact. They’ll know if it’s a tactic and you’re obsessing every waking moment or if you’re genuinely using the time to heal and grow.

[@sf808opalaman]

DA/FA are relieved to no longer be in a relationship that require 'emotional intimacy, emotional connection, emotional vulnerability

[@joeygenna4801]

As a fearful avoidant, having been on both sides of the relationship This is difficult from both ends.

[@healingwithcharlie]

I agree! As a former fearful avoidant (secure now), no contact and breakups were difficult for me no matter if I was the one asking for it or on the receiving end of it

[@jack-gx]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.

[@MoloSaidu]

I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.

[@jack-gx]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach one?

[@MoloSaidu]

Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@jack-gx]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@bro7269]

Take your spam shit somewhere else.

[@antonioreyes7382]

My goal with no contact with an DA at the moment is self reflect on whether we “really compatible.” and not compromise my routines that continue to make my life positive and fulfilling.

[@reksir8098]

Been 2 years in NC. 3 year relationship, no abuse, small fight which they instigated that lead to the end. Days before she was talking marriage. Never heard from her again.

[@greeneyedchul0]

There is no time frame,work on yourself and don’t wait for them to come back

[@0Demiyah0]

I've been in a connection with my DA for 6 years. I walked because we weren't on the same page about marriage. His family has been rooting for us to get married for 3 years. He started posting declarations of his love for me within 3 weeks of NC, once he had updated his family and friends about the situation. But knowing him and also what external stressors he faces with work and finance, I reckon it will take anywhere between 3-6 months. He will feel that making his feelings for me public that this holds him accountable, but he will also have to pass through a trial to upgrade himself in a sense which will take time. I am not going to "wait" the whole time, as it would just be like holding myself hostage. But I also consider him someone who takes promises quite seriously, so there is a chance he'll be back with the ring and the proposal.

[@mj.w7285]

So helpful right now, thank you for the peace

[@Datainputdevice111]

Its been 120 days after a painful, complicated breakup. I was gaslit and lied to, but ultimately I acted embarrassing in the very end. Will probably never hear from her again.

[@mp4455]

😢

[@michaella5799]

You were scapegoated, hurts like hell but she would never be good to you. If it continued you would just hurt deeper.

[@marguskiis7711]

Cmon. NC is the MOST painful "healing" method ever!!! One of my ex gf did it to me and I got more and more angrier. Years later she answered to me finally and gave some reasonable explanations but I just wrote her heavy condemnations and said I`ll hate her forever. Which I do. Really do. My ex-wife filed divorce and I was pretty confused at first. But we kept contact and I got peace soon and saw the reasons why the divorce was inevitable.

[@gayleneflower398]

They cheat and find someone else. I agree with others. This was a 6 yr relationship. He was toxic and unstable. I couldn't handle it. Now I know why so many people hate FAs.

[@Growwithgrace101]

After almost 3 years my ex blindsided me one day saying he realised I look and sound like his ex and his feelings were gone! I went no contact and he hasn't tried to reconnect...10 months and for the best.

[@justinjones8704]

Idk, been 8 months no contact, would have been our 2 year anniversary today. I've been doing well living my own life but today kind of sucks

[@healingwithcharlie]

The no contact journey has its good days and bad days. Milestone dates like anniversaries and birthdays can be especially challenging. I'd recommend making plans with friends or family during these times to help work through these days with support from others

[@bigboss6867]

I know the feeling, it sucks especially around the holidays. I broke NC after the 2 month mark with her and told her how I'd been feeling since the break up; however, I recognize now it was just the loneliness of the Christmas season.

[@AquaMoon80]

That's awesome you've done 8 months. I'll feel the feels with you ❤ I miss mine too. But I'm gonna respect the space and my soul.

[@marguskiis7711]

@@healingwithcharlie cmon, it does not help. Its easy to say "Don`t be in love!" but it is an utter nonsense.

[@eulabarredo5186]

I have an avoidant attachment style and I’m sure most people like me . We don’t contact our exes anymore . Detachment make us feel safe .

[@heywoodmuyama135]

Gasia wewe

[@achiengdeji]

@@heywoodmuyama135 hahahahahaaaaaaaa

[@macioanasava.official5084]

My avoidant blocked me and moved to another country, he was so reserved with his job opportunity. He doesn't know he is avoidant and I have just discovered we were in an anxious -avoidant dinamic "situationship". I went through a difficult time when a relative was diagnosed with a tumor.He couldn't handle me being so anxious and ghosted me when I needed emotional support. All he was able to say is that he didn't want to hurt me...Is there any possibility he would try to reach out again after blocking?? I understand he has childhood traumas..I know now he didn't do things on porpose. But is important to have in life somebody who cares for you... Just leaving people who loves you will make you be alone in your 50s!!!!!...I would have given him the purest love ...I just need to speak things..I won't judge him!!! You still won't reach out your ex after this??? WHAT IF I TRY TO REACH OUT TO HIM AFTER 1 YEAR OR SO FROM ANOTHER MOBILE?? WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR EX TRIES TO REACH OUT AFTER 1 or 1,5 YEARS ?? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?? It would help me if you answer to me.

[@macioanasava.official5084]

@eulabarredo5186 My avoidant blocked me and moved to another country.He doesn't know he is avoidant and I have just discovered we were in an anxious -avoidant dinamic "situationship". I went through a difficult time when a relative was diagnosed with a tumor.He couldn't handle me being so anxious and ghosted me when I asked for emotional support. All he was able to say is that he didn't want to hurt me.. Now I understand he has childhood traumas..I know he didn't do things on porpose. But is important to have in life somebody who care for you... Just leaving people who loves you will make you be alone in your 50s...I would have given him the purest love ...I just need to speak things..I won't judge him!!! We have so much in common and it took me 10 years to find him and I know it took him 5 years to meet me... WHAT IF I REACH OUT AFTER 1 YEAR OR SO FROM ANOTHER MOBILE ?? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF AN EX REACHES OUT TO YOU AFTER SOME TIME?? I appreciate if you could answer me. It would really help me. Thank

[@monirodacosta6074]

You should get an award for this 😂

[@chris51385]

The one thing that stands out to me with attachment coaches I come across, (aside from the soundness of suggesting for us to strategize in war games fashion to get someone back who is unhealed and can’t meet our needs), is that if you read through the billions of comments in any of these posts, the overwhelming majority suggest that it doesn’t work and can’t work and it doesn’t work and can’t work when you get back together. I know there are outliers and I did have one who came back and we stayed together for many great years so I know it does happen. But one wouldn’t think it ever does when we stay in the comments section lol 😢

[@chris51385]

Good point, you win lol. Comments are the space to vent over the pain of how it went, not the hope for what it could be. Notice a lot of avoidants on here tryna learn about themselves (though they won’t admit it 😂)

[@norswil8763]

@@chris51385 look up a attachment councillor and KZbinr called Ken Reid, as far as I can see he presents a more realistic take on avoidant attachers and says it how it is, rather than most others who promote unrealistic messages about exes coming back. He keeps it very real, he says that from all his many years counselling in attachment and breakups he’s never seen a dismissive avoidant return to a relationship and have it work out. Not without years of therapy where they are serious about doing the work. So yeah, I think the reality is less positive than these other coaches lead ua to believe. Look him up, he’s extremely knowledgable on attachment theory.

[@mybiggrin]

Dated 5 months. They watched my stories for 14 months non stop. Then stopped. Haven’t talked to them in probably 18 months.

[@LiaVeniceMiranda]

My ex reached out after almost 4 months. Then gave him a chance a second time around and after of 3 months talking he discarded me again. Now I'm aware of his disorder or avoidant attachment problem.. I am starting to move on and to heal... So heartbreaking. Not worth it to let them be back again. They sabotaging a good relationship you can give to them. I pity them for being like that.. they will never be happy in life. Happy in short time but not forever like us normal human being.

[@13sprintuser]

Charlie's ex came back after she saw him blowing up on social media? Yea.... if that happened to me, I wouldn't want her back. You didn't want me before but you want me now that I'm glowing up? NO THANKS

[@cryptonite2405]

So I just went no contact with my LDR girlfriend of 3 years. I Have done everything to bridge our 1000 mile distance, I was gonna drive to see her she said don't in the beginning, so after a bit of time I bought her a plane ticket, she mysteriously went distant the day of flight and said she was sick, so we made up after all that and about a year ago I drove 1000 miles to see her and I ended up sitting in the hotel for 3 days before driving home cause she avoided me when I showed up. So its been a year since me going to see her and I finally said to her if she can figure out a way to see me let me know, but until then we are not gonna communicate. We have facetimed and never gave her any money so its not that type of situation I just think whenever I get close she avoids.

[@Darkempress45]

In the words of Shera Get another one, sprinkle sprinkle ✨😅

[@agnieszkagross4331]

I’m very grateful for the your kind words. It is very rare to hear such compassionate explanations. 😊

[@jeffreypaszko3473]

No contact sucks but I am trying ...its been a long time and i sometimes break it ,but I am hopling that he will in some way remember that we really loved one another and shared a deep emotional connection . I am hoping

[@daliahrios322]

As a fearful avoidant who got dumped by an avoidant, it sucks. I still miss him but i know that he needs his space, just like me. I hope we can rekindle as I'm working on myself and have made progress. He admitted when he was wrong so I'm sure he's done work separately before i came into the picture

[@healingwithcharlie]

Thanks for sharing your story, I hope you’re both able to work through things and find a way to rekindle. Either way, it’s good you’ve both done so work during this time :)

[@julioc4978]

What is weird is that my DA wanted to be "friends " I didn't take the bait and went full NC, the relationship lasted 3 months barely, but we were friends for 8 months. What is weird is that she didn't block or delete me off her social media, but she deleted my number off her phone and blocked my phone lol.... Her last text on day 3 of NC, was ' you will always be special to me" I didnt take the bait and asked her "why I am blocked if I am special" just to have a laugh, she said "don't be selfish and be immature" I remember she said she will forget the bad moments and only remember the good ones as there are more good than bad moments. Cheers

[@Brezanova]

I agree with everything except they should learn to express themselves and say "I need space". Not just disappear. How was I suppose to respect his boundaries, when he just said "Will you be friends with me" (we were already in a relationship). I felt so hurt. I didn't understand he just wanted less of texting or more space. I didn't see it was him pulling away already until he yelled at me (in a text message) "Shut up! Just Shut up! Why don't you go and do your life and I do mine? I am not against you, I am with you." I was so confused. His communication skills were jaw-dropping low.

[@SeanFit]

I prescribed we take a break. We came back together after her hiatus from the last time. . First connection was 3 months. This time we did 5 months. No big issues. Except for the part where i prescribed we take a break. I had seen all the signs of things slowing down and what not but she was doing well. Just some communication elbow grease and fixing some misunderstandings. She made it to my birthday weekend (verbally) but didnt show up physically . Thats where I got upset. Didnt lash out. Did my best to address things calmly after she houdineed and resurfaced with complaints. So instead of trying to drag it out. I just said, lets take a break. Weve gotten to 5 months. . Lets contain any further damage. Take a breather. Im sure its been tough emotionally for her to stick to it with me. (Shes avoidant) (i am anxious but i have some avoidant tendencies too) i see it as. Lets rubber band back to our normal lives. (Live without each other) and let time (and God/Spirit) do what we currently arent able to. Communication and wanting things to work out, are key with me. Im a builder. Physically and mentally. With her, i see my shortcomings come right out. And I love that. With her, im sure she sees that too. (Upbeat , can do attitude, ready to take on life at any moment etc, thats me.. im very accomadating but with her, i can see that i do that to a fault. Its service i provide when im viewing someone serious.. just have to adjust) so... yeah. Its gonna be a while. Been having to rearrange where can regulate my emotions (avid gym goer already and checking in on loved ones helps keep my mental environment okay) I miss her. Love loving on the little girl in her. She deserves love. Hate that we have to pull back. Its all a work in progress. Im.heavy on the "if we want this to work, we CAN make this work Seeing it through is a huge component. This is real life shxt. No fantasy. Build it, or go home. Simple

[@Anarchia02]

I think I was in a... Situationship with an avoidant, which one? I don't know. She once hurt me by showing me and even openly admitting that she doesn't care for my feelings. I've been in contact with her mother-in-law (she lost both her parents, both the same way and then her grandmother passed away which was the only one really taking care of her) and we had something resembling no contact for a week. She told me she loves me multiple times, she did made some actions to contact me, she made steps to come closer to me and then after agreeing with her mother I decided to speak to her again. Then it got better, we spent some great time together, relationship got better but then, after a month or two I got irritated by her decisions being coming back to ex's house for whatever reason. The back story is, she can live with her mother-in-law but they don't really get along that much, she instead lives in ex's house and that's totally weird. She said that multiple times to me and her mom, that they are not together and that they don't show any emotions, no kissing, no sex, not sleeping together. Is that true? It might be, we believed in it. Yet it's really weird considering the fact she has the much better alternative and her choice is really "sus". It is about 2 or 3 months of strict, solid no contact. I have contacted her mother and I know she changed after accident. She lied about how are things between us and she didn't really want to talk about me or us after that. Mom said she's different than she wss before so I assume (and maybe hope) that it had an impact on her. Our "break-up" went quite ok - I told her that I don't feel okay with the way it is and that I'm sorry it had to be like that, that I feel hurt by how she treats me and we should end this (or have a break? Don't recall exact words). She acted like she wants to be done with it ASAP and that she don't really care that much. I told her that she's free of me and of being kind to me... That she no longer has to write to me "good night" or anything along those lines as she did many times. I literally told her that she's free of that burden. She replied with "thank you and i'm sorry" and that is the end. After that I haven't blocked her, just stopped writing to her and even caring for a week. Now I care and check from time to time how things are going but she isn't able to know that. Now i'm thinking about contacting her mom and asking how she is. There were times when I wasn't satisfied, sure... But I think that I love her, still, no matter what. I want to help her be better as she has shown me her better side. I believe in her and in mutual future. When it comes to me I might be anxious type leaning secure due to my interest in psychology and all that stuff related to humans, feelings, decisions and etc.

[@lovemary.8133]

It took him 19 days to break no contact after breaking up with me and leaving me hanging. Asked me how I was doing. I don’t know what to feel about it, but I’m hoping he’ll reach out once more because he told me he will. Or he was lying. I don’t even know anymore.

[@africantruth2539]

I have been in no contact for almost two months now and have no plan of contacting her. Unless, she initiates that as she was the one to end the relationship. Actually, I told her that it was fine, if she doesn't want the relationship because I was tired of her finding excuses not to meet after she had constantly became cold and warm. Then she said, I have already told you that I didn't want the relationship anymore. She thinks, it is better we become friends but I didn't response to that.

[@denimspear]

Genuine question. I am not sure if we're dealing with avoidants or narcissist? Whichever there seems to be a cruel, selfish element in no contact. There's not an end from which you can both move on. The resurfacing when they choose or feel ready shows no empathy or acknowledgement of the other person's needs in the relationship or closure of the relationship. This, i don't think, is coming from a place of anger or resentment. It is genuinely a desire to understand. Something i recognise, ironically, keep me kinda stuck.

[@healingwithcharlie]

Often a hot topic as both are loosely applied interchangeably. First, a narcissist can have an avoidant attachment style but not all avoidants are narcissists. Given recent data, NPD is still considered a rare diagnosis. Can your avoidant person have narcissistic traits? They sure can but so do all humans even if they aren't malicious people. Narcissistic traits are just inherently human traits at the end of the day so it's important to make the distinction between narcissistic traits and NPD as a diagnosis. While I won't deny elements of cruelty or selfishness within no contact can exist, often those can be traced back to feelings from deep within that are usually associated with an abandonment wound (but not always). I try not to rationalize when someone "chooses to do something", or "feels ready", because avoidants are people like everyone else simply operating based on emotional reactions to their nervous system that determines between safe and unsafe choices, actions and decisions. Naturally, after some time has passed and once emotions have cooled, one would feel comfortable initiating contact again as the fear of conflict has subsided. I typically find in my work with anxious attachers or other people who've experienced intense anxiety from a breakup with someone avoidant, is that they often feel invalidated and unappreciated from the limited opportunity for discourse during a breakup or when no contact is requested which can leave no contact interpreted as a selfish attempt to push others away. When it comes to no contact, it can be interpreted as a personal boundary. When we look at it this way, naturally it's on the other person to dictate how flexible that boundary is, and when and how it can be asserted. Understanding no contact in this way helped me become "unstuck" and ultimately move on because even though someone else was asking me for no contact, I would've wanted the same boundary to be respected and understood by them if I were in their shoes.

[@denimspear]

@@healingwithcharlie Thank you for taking the time to give such a full response. I have no idea why but in this relationship I became aware that I have some kind of abandonment fear, a strong one. Despite knowing from experience I am more than capable of 'go it alone'. He has never asked for no contact, though his ability to communicate has always been an issue. He certainly avoids anything that he interprets as conflict by shutting down or leaving. That clearly is from trauma, I believe from childhood. His actions, it seems, are communicating no contact unless on his terms. Regardless the intention, it has been and is painful for me. Though I'm strangely grateful as it has forced me to respond in a different way, which may ultimately be better for me. I am focusing on myself, my own learning, growth and to identify what my needs really are. I can't blame anyone else for not meeting my needs when it was me who routinely shelved them in order to accommodate others desires. Your posts certainly generate conversation in your comments. So be very proud of that xx

[@PaigeLigon]

Took 3 months for 1 and then 1.5 years for the other

[@bartholetbay412]

Interesting video content, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[@michael-gg2rh]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back

[@bartholetbay412]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

[@michael-gg2rh]

Her name is shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@bartholetbay412]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@Jenny-np6ht]

You both Fakes 🤮🤮

[@Dottore-b4l]

How do you all know for sure what attachment style your partner is?

[@kispumel]

One of mine came back after 4 month. An other one after 11 years. Generally they almost all came back at a certain point, anywhere betweek 9 month - 3 yeras

[@kispumel]

@aristark559 Its not a problem, I never hoped and never waited. Usually by the time they wanted to come back I either already had a new girlfriend, or was dating a few new where she was just a 4th one...

[@kispumel]

@aristark559 There was only a few aightforward, most never opened up about that, but it was clear. Really different on everyone, but the main ones: 1: Started a new relationship, missed me, but wanted to give a shot to the new guy 2: (common by the way) rebounded/monkeybranched was not working out and I was the second/third option and safety net 3: wronged me (cheated, also common), and genuinely felt disgusted and shamed by herself, and took several years to come clear with herself 4: avoidant / stubborn/willfull: felt like she needed to stick with her decision despite the feelings 5: figured I leveled up (money,looks, body, personality, etc) heavily in life and hypergamy kicked in, suddenly I became a high challenge (dont trust theese women) 6: she thought I gonna fight for her and start to chase/persuade. Since it not happened (why would it? She left me so therefore she needs to chase 100% from now on), she thought she was not important for me (NEVER chase woman) Eventually I am with a new woman now. The last one came back after 11 month now (she monkeybranched), however I told her nope, because I am giving a chance to the new lady. If it fails, then, and only then we can be FWB, but not a couple anymore because of the monkeybranch.

[@manuelvicente4110]

Charlie just found out about you, ive been hearing you for 45 minutes on deep focus. Im finding your ways of unveiling information soo soothing and eye opening! Keep going you are doing great man. Anxious avoidant here, its been two weeks since i broke up with her, currently starting to regret it. But imma hold back and try to be a better me first, and regain balance. I cannot be wrong, ill get clarity over it all, and if it happens i truly regret it, i can present myself to her as a healtier partner. Your content really resonated with everything im feeling rightnow. Thank you for posting, Manuel

[@cindyanne11]

Whyyyy do you want to hear from them? All they want is for you to back off and let them go. So let them, sheesh.

[@NovaSky333]

Idk if I’m in no contact with my person. We had a conflict, almost called it off but decided to work things out. They mentioned they needed space in general right now in their life, it’s only been 2 days of “no contact” lol sooooooo idk exactly where I land Update: From what I understood out of the conversation my partner and I had after conflict is that we were going to work towards repair. We didn’t get into the topic of what repair looks like for us. BUT the contact since has been minimal and I’ll be honest it has been me reaching out the entire time here and there. My partner does respond gently and kindly, but answers are via txt and very short, also days apart which has never been the case. Now idk where we stand and the fact that they needed space to begin with is leaving me feeling like I shouldn’t ask for a follow up conversation. It’s almost like I’m walking on eggshells. I kind of want some clarity

[@healingwithcharlie]

Might fall into the category of "limited contact". No quite as extreme as no contact, but still provides space for people to process what's going on, while still leaving the door open for further communcation down the line. Until one or both of you mutually agrees that no contact is the best solution, I'd take things one day at a time for now considering things still seem fresh :)

[@wendyherrera4861]

It’s kinda intimidating to comment since I’ve seen some negative comments that are about this topic when it comes to avoidants in general. It seems like there’s a lot of anxious types that resent a connection with an Avoidant. So the funny thing is what Charlie said about his experience is similar to mine rn. This was my first serious relationship. I really still do love & care for her. In my life so far, I’ve had a lot of people fall in love with me easily but I’ve never fallen in love until I met her and even then it caught me so off guard. The thing is, during this no contact which technically has been months but also a couple of days since we last spoke.. I’ve learned a lot. I didn’t know about attachment types. I ended up learning that I’m an anxious attachment and that she’s a fearful avoidant attachment. I’m hoping that by commenting this that I’ll have a sense of community of people that hear me out and respect what I have to say or think. As I said I really still care for her. I’m really confused since genuinely it was a 180 from her first response to the most recent one. It left me confused. In all honesty our relationship has been pretty healthy & good. It had lasted over 2 years. Hence why I feel so confused about what happened. During this time I learned that I can trust my gut.. what I feel and think most of the time. Which this is the part where I’m glad Charlie said it’s okay to want someone back. I knew already awhile ago what I feel should be valid and not rejected simply because it doesn’t align with what another person may experience. But it was good to hear it from another person than my own sometimes. It seems like I’m on a good path right now. But it isn’t easy since I have anxiety and these thoughts really can have a chokehold on me at times. That’s why I’m planning to talk to my therapist about this. My plan is to further heal from this insecure attachment to a more secure one. The good thing is it seems I already have some traits of a more secure attachment but I’m not where I want to be for myself. I’ll admit I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m probably figuring this out as we go like the most of you. Back to my now ex, I genuinely have this pure & unconditional love that I didn’t even know I could experience. It feels so genuine & natural to me. It’s surprising since I’ve never been in love prior to this relationship. I genuinely want her back because I really just wanted to share my life with her. I wanted to support her, make her laugh and heal with me. I guess in a way we did get to do that. I told her that I think it was just a bad situation with two good people involved. I still strongly believe that. For me, I do miss her rn. I do ask myself if she’ll come back. I wonder what happened on her end that she couldn’t ever tell me when I tried to ask her what happened exactly. What I learned is as an anxious person, to just leave it. Give her that space. Focus more on myself. I did everything that I could do to help while we were still somewhat communicating. That’s okay. I did enough. Now it’s my time to step back and let her fight her own battles. I trust that if she needs help that she’ll go to people she trusts. I let her know that if for whatever reason she wants to just pop up & chat with me for a bit that, that’s fine too. There’s a lot I have to say because there’s a lot I’ve observed & learned. My advice to anyone who is going through this same boat as me is this. - go talk to a therapist if you can - have a support group - hang out with your friends - do what you love for yourself - express yourself so you don’t bottle up those emotions. - get to learn about yourself & be honest with yourself. Whether she comes back or not is on her, that’s her choice. But what we’re in control of is how we respond and what we do with that information that is presented to us. It’s best for me at this time to move on from her. However I am allowed to still hold space for her if I want to do so. But it is also important to hold my boundaries as well. I was hoping we could at least be friends since I would’ve been happy with that too.. only time will tell what will become out of this relationship. One last thing. I saw this on a reddit post. It helped me a lot when I was trying to figuring out what to do after her last message. Someone said along the lines of “Don’t worry about them, focus on yourself. Sometimes what the case is when you’re going to therapy you’ll realize if it’s a battle worth fighting for. It’ll give you an answer on whether to keep trying or to just let the relationship end.” The way I took this is, lingering onto them will only make matters worse yourself than necessary. The best way to know if you either outgrew the relationship or just simply for a period of time drifted apart for a bit. Is to understand & heal yourself. Because only then you’ll understand what you value, what your boundaries are and what your priorities are. When you get there, you’ve healed a bit and understand a bit better of what you truly want. If you realized that this won’t work then move on entirely. If you realized you still want to hold space for them then don’t give up hope. In neither of these scenarios are you giving up on somebody. The reality is you can’t fix what the other doesn’t want to fix when it comes to a party of 2 or more. You can only heal yourself. Which in return you’ll have more secure responses. It doesn’t make you a bad person if you leave the relationship or no longer to pursue it. Especially if you were genuinely trying to mend what has been broken. It’s not on you if the other person doesn’t want to. It sounds awful. Even I still have a hard time digesting that pill but it’s the truth. You can’t change what has happened, but you can sure take control of your destiny. Recognize your feelings. Understand your emotions. Respect your boundaries. Do with that truly resonates with you. Don’t let all that noise of other people become mixed up as your own thoughts when they aren’t. At least in my case it only confused me more on what I truly wanted. Like I resonated with this channel.. it doesn’t feel like I’m being shoved down statements down my throat or told what is right or wrong. I’m being acknowledged and accepted on how I may feel. It’s just simply presenting me information so I can therefore make myself an educated decision.

[@joeygenna4801]

That’s a lot. Thank you

[@healingwithcharlie]

Wow, I'm not even sure what to say other than thank you for your thoughtful comment! I certainly can't match your level of energy and thoughtfulness in my reply, and I wouldn't want to overshadow it so I appreciate your kind response. I'm glad you've found a home in my content and wish you all the best with your healing journey :)

[@wendyherrera4861]

@@joeygenna4801haha yeah I actually didn’t realize how much I wrote but I hope it helped you in some way

[@wendyherrera4861]

@@healingwithcharliethank you :) it’s a scary process but I hope it’ll turn out fine in the end

[@maximoguerra9115]

How long has it been since NC? I’m going through the same thing as you. I deeply deeply care for her- to an extreme I never knew about.

[@michaelgrahamsisto4145]

It’s been more than 3 months, is that a sign that the avoidant is not coming back? During these 3 month this person gave me a lot of mixed signals, like watching my stories even after I removed him as my follower, liking my stories, posts, TikTok reposts etc. it’s all kind of messy, I just need to understand what is going on 😭😭😭

[@williamroberts9444]

My girlfriend wrote me a letter before her research trip saying how much she loved me and everything. And then three days later broke up with me.

[@imranmuhammad8105]

Amazing coach. Thank you so much for this video. I like how deep you went in regards to the factors of the break up in the first place and about how the relationship was prior break up. These are things coaches don’t really dive deep into. All of these definitely play a role. Subscribed and liked

[@marguskiis7711]

the bitter coaches are not good. and he is a bitter one,

[@svh3272]

My ex initiated the breakup. I asked for some time and a talk that was supposed to be about a week later. He agreed and even texted me the day befor and asked at what time he should come over, i know that he did it for me because i always tried to handle it secure. During that week i realised that he is in his deactivated phase and there is no point in talking to him cause the decision was made on his side that it is over. I said i am no longer interested in a talk and i dont want to have contact atm. He respects my decision. He has been on my tiktok account 3 weeks after that tho. Since i said i dont want contact I feel like the ball is in my court but i dont know what to do :(

[@PaigeHermence-c4h]

Mine told me they “couldn’t be in a relationship right now” as “closure I deserve” lol and is now on the exact dating app I met them on. Laughable. Good luck

[@aashiguptaofficiall]

My ex left me and after leaving me i assumed he was in a rebound as i once saw the story and after that never saw their story together, 2 days back i was in a cafe n he entered and came to me and greeted me and asked me how im doing so i also congratulated him for his project, then he left to his friends and i noticed he was looking at me bt i didnt show him that i noticed and when i noticed him looking at me, he pretended to be looking around, and after some time he called me on my number, so i looked at him asking what? he asked me to come to him where he was sitting with his friends, so i went and he asked me to taste the wine as a celebration for his event, then asked me that how is my health, and asked a few things and then asked me to keep myself free on a particular day and i pretended that whats on that day, so he said just keep urself free and i. Will tell u. so i smiled and left. Today is that day and he didnt invite me for that event which i was assume he asked me to keep myself free. So what does that mean? Does he still love wants me? He regrets leaving me? He wants to reiniate with me or was it just friendly at the cafe? Bcz this side of his was new to me bcz wen even we were together then also wen we bunped into each other he didn't seem to be mine but this time when we are not together anymore n he left me, so this time he himself came to me in cafe and then asked me to join his professional friends n all and tried to talk to me..

[@MagicPrincessGigi]

Love your work Charlie!

[@healingwithcharlie]

Thank you! I hope it's been helpful for you on your healing journey :)

[@babytwan21]

Always believe they relationship before you if you listen to what they say then you will know how it will turn out with you people don’t change they just change the person they gonna hurt in the long run once they get what they came for and it’s not love if a person say I love fast believe him he don’t love you

[@neilwattoo]

Many of these comments are seriously depressing. I can see why the person left you. Work on yourself. Some of you so weak it is sad. I wouldn't wanna be with you either.

[@Talkwithdulci]

what about a 6 month situationship where you told a lie ? But you also felt as if he wasn’t emotionally available?

[@RaajMndl]

What if they hook up with someone within a week of breaking up?

[@healingwithcharlie]

Sometimes a coping mechanism to deal with stress and reinforce intense feelings of freedom and independence, but it doesn’t usually last long for most relationships. Although, I’ve worked with others who’ve been in very longterm relationships with narcissists where this was truly what they needed to move on (not as common though). Another aspect to consider, for avoidants do feel they’re in relationships where they’re deeply invalidated and unfulfilled, they may move on to casual relationships soon after breaking up, partly because the breakup was grieved leading up to the breakup itself. Does all of this mean they can’t come back? Nope. Someone can always come back with time but depending on how strong their coping strategies are, and how good new friendships, relationships or flings are after the breakup may delay how soon they reach out (if at all). I don’t want to give them impression that they all come back or reach out, because many don’t but if they do it’ll be because enough time has passed for them to process the breakup and experience what life was like without you, both for good and bad.

[@RaajMndl]

@@healingwithcharlie thank you for explaining this in detail I’m so conflicted, she just threw everything we had out the window in a snap, there was this handwritten card I gave her, which was next to her bed, and I was literally shaking when I found out a slice of the condom wrapped on top of it, it cut me so deep

[@heatherkennedy8213]

8 yrs and it was a sudden breakup by him and very traumatic for me. He replaced me within weeks of discarding me. I reached out several times and he was so cold and cruel. I finally went no contact in January and am finally started in to completely get over him. I won't lie, I loved him deeply.

[@hannahwhatsittoya5350]

My ex that left me asked for no contact, and it’s been a week. Now he's watching all my stories, liking posts, and posting my favorite songs in his notes. I'm not sure how to take it, but for now, I'm still going to try no contact for a while. If anyone has some insight or went through something similar, do you know how i should proceed? Thanks for the videos 🥰

[@jojobrown2504]

They don’t want contact yet don’t block you? Why? My ex ended the relationship because of unresolved trauma and something I did (because I cared) that triggered him and thought I was being malicious. Never had a convo on the phone for an explanation just decided I was being spiteful and ended it. Looking back he was aggressive and sometimes spoke to me horribly as soon as I became his gf. He has not blocked me despite my multiple calls that I’ve now stopped just put his phone on DND. He still checks my WhatsApp status. I would like to be with someone reliable and mentally stable.

[@MF04-9]

I’m in the same boat. Still has my mom and G’ma on her Facebook. And she didn’t block me or take our photos down. Weird. We spent almost 4 years together

[@hqx5977]

Sometimes they will never reach out because they may have physical abused you and after you tried to take your own life so they are fearful of your emotions.

[@JoeScuderi-u2j]

Fantastic video thx

[@MrMtanz]

They experience time differently than most people do, don’t they?

[@healingwithcharlie]

Suppose it depends how you would differentiate how each attachment style experience's time. Given avoidant attachment and fearful avoidant attachment can be related to other mental health conditions such as CPTSD and personality disorders, they could impact how people experience time based on their overall symptoms, especially if dissociation or depersonalization is ever present

[@31896eneri]

What if they have a rebound

[@rasoolzakee3082]

Her friends told her to leave me alone because they think I'm obsessive. I deeply miss her. Either way I can get her back.

[@clairecatton1332]

He left me and got with somone else straight away we was together 2 year had a baby and his relationship before me was his first ever and it lasted 20 he got with me and always said he never felt love like it I gave him confidence in how he acted and his looks we was amazing or so I thought we hardly ever argued either but our last week together he kept pushing and pushing me so I think he had her before he left me but I'm so heartbroken he was everything to me I'm doing no contact I don't see him when he comes for our son 3 times a week my elder son takes him to the door but he dosent even do a random message I get nothing from him 3 months and counting

[@Tauruseats]

I stopped dealing with anyone romantically period. Unhealed confusing people are not worth the mess they bring. They are annoying as hell. I have friends but I don't let anyone get past that. I am not guarding anything but my mental peace. 😂

[@Lavenderlight1]

My ex was highly toxic And the breakup ended in an argument Which I was simply tired of the toxic arguments

[@Smashking91]

Is it still considered part of the no contact rule if it was more of a situationship and we didn't break up because it wasn't a full on relationship? She pulled away and I decided to just let it happen to see if she would reach out. We were dating for about 2 months.

[@denisecharles-jokhan4695]

Thank you for the content of your video. I was in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant, on and off for over 10 years and through content like yours I have now discovered the term dissmissive avoidant. I initiated no contact about a month ago and have not looked back since, using the time to understand what had gone on over the past decade of our so called relationship. He tried to reach out one time through a mutual friend but has not done so since. Will he ever consider returning since it was me who walked away? All I want is an acknowledgment that he knows we have wasted each other’s lives and that it can’t go on 😢

[@JD-dv9kc]

What about an avoidant being cold and dismissive and having withholding physical contact after an argument. She's been this way for a month now

[@jennyb4749]

Do you still have 1-1 sessions? I recently discovered your channel and would love an opportunity like that!

[@WAdams-ps9st]

Wait, so Ive been in a relationship that was between 2 and 3 months, it moved very fast and was very intense, then suddenly she said it wasnt enough. I went straight to no contact. She smokes weed on a daily basis, so I think shes good at soothing herself. Also, Ive seen her on a dating app a few weeks ago. Its been 15 weeks now. What are the chances in my case? Just curious, bc Im almost over it and am seeing someone else now.

[@colscary]

Don't wait. I don't know how old you are, but someone who is above 30 and still smoke weed everyday can be a turnoff

[@WAdams-ps9st]

Thanks. Im pretty much over it. Doing my own thing, not constantly thinking abou her anymore. Things are going well with my current date. But Im very cautious. Dont want to go through that again, taking it slow now.

[@GoodVids.]

What if it’s been years tho and she still reaching out showing mixed emotions even when she in a relationship with someone else. I don’t get it

[@gentleman88288]

for how many years she has been chasing ?

[@marguskiis7711]

DA women NEVER break NC. They have plenty of options and they just move on.

[@Jenny-np6ht]

Not only DA women. Any woman

[@kristina4395]

My avoidant best friend has a hard time admitting how much he cares about me so - First time it took him 4 years to reach out.... second time 6 months .. last time i saw him and said bye i said "ok, talk to you in 5 years".. meaning he will contact me then... It has been 2,5 years now i think .. i trully wonder if he will ever contact ne again at this point its sad to say but i want him to reach out just so i "win" the game of him admitting that he misses me coz he never contacts anyone but always comes back... .. he is a joke.. years?? What a waste of life and time 😮😮😮🤷

[@shelleyCollins-o6y]

married of 34 yrs. I called him a lying ass he was starting to lie to me and I hate someone lying to me and with holding sex from me..

[@nusraatmahzabeen8888]

I Don't know how to share my experience with an avoidant 😑 But i like to keep it real. 😅 I've been in a none committeed relationship with an avoidant for 9 long years... We use to fight a lot ( like in evey month) but yeah he always come back. But emotionally very detached. Don't like physical touch ( hugs) One fine day he told me this is our last meet b'coz he move to orher area ( a bit far than my city) A month we Don't talk to each other, than he started contacting me. After 5 month we started dated Again. But i always accusing him of heaving an affair with others. Sometime he explained to me and says It's not real ( my accusations) and sometimes he says yes yes whatever you Think is right okay I'm with my girlfriend now so bye. And all that. Oh he tried to make me joules as well. (so often) but last time I accusing him and we had fight and It's 35days we are in no contact. I'm not expecting him to come back. B'coz i know if i call him now he will be fine Again. But i Have Trust issue 😅 so what's the point to start Things again, and It's been 9 years still he Doesn't want to committee so It's clear he will never gonna committee to me. So again no point. I'm Sharing my experience with you guyz to just make young people aware of it. I was 15 when i meet him and he was 21 so at that age It's easy to make mistake and when you get older but still It's hard to end things b'coz of attachment. So be very careful in life. Don't waste your beautiful years on something like that. ❤

[@sebbylondon]

What if you stayed friends for months after the break up because you were their main friend and they really missed having you in there life. It was like it became a situationship, no sex, just cuddling and sharing a bed. Then after a good few months, you’re the one that told them you felt the situationship didn’t feel good as they were telling you there was no reason for the break up, it was just not the right time but they were secretly pursuing other guys. So you pushed them away and they were very angry and hurt by that. Will they ever get over that? Even though you were the most important and significant person in their life?

[@rachelweaver7802]

Stop it immediately. That is toxic nonsense. Move on.

[@healingwithcharlie]

That's a unique situation for sure. It's difficult to say but chances are time will help them move on. Does that mean they'll forget about you? Doubtful. In the end, I think you made the right decision to prioritize your needs, rather than prolonging your pain by remaining in a situationship as they were persuing other people. It may take them some time to break no contact if they do, due to the delayed nature of the break up, but also dependent on how quickly they process their anger and pain from you pushing them away and whether or not they're dating someone else at the time. All of this can delay emotional processing and how soon they'll reach out

[@sebbylondon]

@@healingwithcharlie does age difference play a part and make a difference? It was his first relationship, really started to open up, but said his parents wouldn’t understand our 20 year age gap let alone accept his sexuality.

[@doyoueatrocks]

Is no contact now for breakups or is it what people do when they’re non responsive / bread crumbing?

[@hatebreather0801]

Should I try to get my stuff back during no contact? And yes, these things are important to me.

[@AquaMoon80]

No

[@healingwithcharlie]

Even if they weren't important I'd still recommend getting them back if that's what you wanted. Bear in mind, requesting these items back can be interpreted in a few ways depending on the circumstances surrounding no contact: 1) You're ready to move on 2) You've fully detached 3) You no longer have feelings for them Even if those are untrue, they can still be interpreted by the other person in that way. I'd recommend keeping the interaction small, direct and to the point. Focus on getting your things back. Possibly ask a friend to be the one to gather your items if necessary. Ask them to mail your things back. There are still other methods of getting items back without breaking no contact

[@hatebreather0801]

@@healingwithcharlie Thanks so much for the detailed response. I'll keep this in mind.

[@courtneyhall9368]

1 week after I told her not to contact me she sent me a message saying she unblocked me and she was so sorry we didn’t workout and what she did to me. Also that I’m such an amazing man. Told her it was time for me to move on. Told her she needs to go seek help. It’s been 2 weeks and crickets. 8 year relationship.

[@healingwithcharlie]

This is one of the challenging aspects of no contact, sometimes people can come back but it still not be the right time to reconnect. Hopefully she can find the helps she needs and perhaps can bring you both together again if it's meant to be. Otherwise, I wish you all the best regardless :)

[@norswil8763]

Well jesus, if you were that blunt about it I’m not surprised you’ve got crickets. You know you only typically get a few reach outs before they give up, letting her know it’s safe to reach out is important, if you want her back that is.

[@courtneyhall9368]

@@norswil8763 she knows! I told her not to contact me until she was ready to talk. Then a week later I got that text. But I felt it was a closure not a “I want to talk”. I told her it she should get some help and wasn’t the same girl I fell in love with.

[@As-cc9ug]

Does this apply when they are in a rebound ?

[@jamalforrest2737]

Most never comeback or contact you again

[@healingwithcharlie]

This is true for most! Many content creators and coaches will swear by no contact as a means to bring an avoidant ex back, but this simply isn't the case for most. True dismissive avoidants often feel safer in their independence, and won't be so quick to leave that for a relationship until they're ready. The fear of conflict if they were to return can also be a motivating factor to stay away which is why I recommend using no contact for yourself, rather than trying to "win" someone back

[@mgalan39]

I dated an avoidant three months went into no contact and it’s been two years no contact. Its was pure bliss and a highly energetic experience. I did nothing wrong. He ghosted me. He had put me on a pedestal. The love was and is still there from both sides. He went into healing is childhood trauma. I been healing too. We both work together but we stay on our sides of the building. What happens in that case? I hope he comes back around healed. Its been a long time with little contact.😢

[@Omnitrix8]

My relationship ended a month ago. Our wedding was scheduled for August. She did the dumping. Oh well, I am back to dating now and living my life. Oh and, on her WhatsApp profile, she posted something which read: I can be replaced, but there won't be any like me. 🤭🤭🤭

[@devonways1657]

The avoidant in my picture has run for the hills. I never expect to hear from him again. But watch vids like this to upskill

[@healingwithcharlie]

I hope my videos provide some insight and closure to help you move forward :)

[@LizBrousseau]

I’m just sad…I miss him everyday.

[@rasoolzakee3082]

Can these principles work with a friend with benefits I betrayed my female friend we've been friends for four years talked on the phone every single day there was a tug-of-war between us. She feels as though I'll betrayed her and I did by making a fake page contacting her new boyfriend I deeply miss her I deeply apologize. She blocked me on all social media and allmedia sites we've had sex a couple of times but I was never nothing more just a friend is there a way I can get her back into my life

[@stecaroline]

Hey Charlie, im in no contact since 8 weeks, but 2 weeks ago my avoidant ex started to seeing my tiktok, which im growing, but then he stopped following me. What does it mean? Is this part of any fase of the no contact like curiosity and then running again?

[@healingwithcharlie]

It certainly could be but personally I wouldn't recommend looking into it too much (you might drive yourself crazy like I did in the past haha). Anything less than direct outreach and clarification from them isn't worth speculating over. I will say though, the fact he's unfollowed you could be an attempt to move on, as remaining connected on social media might be too hard for them (emotionally speaking). Especially if they lack certain impulse control, it could be an attempt to remove possible triggers

[@ngonzigloria6511]

​@@healingwithcharlieafter one month of break and no contact my ex reached out to me on WhatsApp, that "hi , I hope you're fabulously well" after 3hrs hours I replied "hi, am doing well." Then he said lovely, I didn't reply again, it's now a week, I don't know what was his intention did he just want to check on me or something else?

[@gracesalve7571]

How does one know or figure out if ur ex was an avoidant or a narcissist?

[@healingwithcharlie]

This would depend on your partcular ex, and the set of behaviours they had in the relationship. Determining if they're avoidant can be open to interpretation whereas someone to be deemed a narcissist must be diagnosed by psychiatrist or psychologist. Until they seek an assessment for NPD, you're only left to assume based on any narcissistic behaviours but keep in mind, narcissistic behaviours are inherently human behaviours we all possess. What qualifies someone for NPD is the pervasive nature of their narcissistic traits in their broader life, not just within romantic relationships

[@gracesalve7571]

@@healingwithcharlie thank you 💕

[@akibrhast6853]

About 2 months into no contact, Probably a little less. Unfortunately I don't think she is coming back. She dumped my ass because of differences in religion and family from both our sides. And family and religious being important to both of us. But for me she was the most important. But I guess for her, those two things trump's me