knowing my ex has 100% full ego, he’s not coming back. tried so hard to make win him back, to the point of almost begging him, but i know his decision is final. he even said “i’m too toxic for you. i’m tired seeing you suffer with me.” and when i told him that i was willing to compromise and adjust this time to make our relationship work. his reply was “dont try to adjust for someone who’s not even willing to change their behavior for you.” i have never felt so unworthy before.
@TheGlamourBOXinc7 ай бұрын
He’s telling you that you deserve better. He sees your worth . He’s telling you and you’re taking offense , he’s releasing you to find a greater man💙
@Bella-Mae04227 ай бұрын
Don't worry honey I remember when I was talking to this guy that I really liked I really wanted it to go somewhere to randomly telling me *"i can see us together for a while but not forever and what i know about you, you need someone better than me".* I wouldn't listen at first and was hurting for a while but I gave him one more chance months later to make something happen, he didn't so I finally told myself *"f**#ck** it.. he don't want me then someone else will"* i moved on never looked back. He tried coming back a few times claiming his "feelings" for me. I was done lol
@SnoppHuve7 ай бұрын
He is choosing the easy path of not stepping up, out of victimhood. And disguising it as a grand gesture of letting you for someone else who deserves you. It is you, and only you, by choosing not to want for this person who will allow yourself to let the right person enter your life. I know you wish he would simply step up and own his issues, work on it. But it sounds like he has made it clear that he will not change, and will remain a victim in a world of self created problems. You are true to adjust, you are true to compromise. But know that some people are not meant to follow you on your elevating journey, and it is not your role to guide them there. Go on
@meriamzz24497 ай бұрын
I'm like you, the same hurtful words that he doesn't want any relationship with me and that he won't change and I'm like an idiot I'm still running after him to prove to him the opposite.
@Bella-Mae04227 ай бұрын
@@meriamzz2449 stop chasing. From personal experience it doesn't do anything other than wast YOUR TIME. He isn't worth it. Find someone who actually wants you. There's a reason why he doesn't want you now, he's not gonna change his mind later. While he's out living his life talking to other women you're letting him live rent free in your head. That's not fair for you.
@chakrabartidola7 ай бұрын
This is nice video... but I dont think the avoidant comes back. I think when they start to feel empty during the no- contact period, they move on to new person to get that love bombing phase again and they will leave that person too after sometimes and will start no- contact period again.. and the cycle will go on like this.
@simonthewatchguy60737 ай бұрын
Facts.
@Katherine-sc4lg6 ай бұрын
True. I would never give this person a second chance.
@justmegee886 ай бұрын
Thats exactly what happens..almost an addiction to dopamine..the newness that wears off. They come back only to leave repeatedly. Unless they take the time to work on themselves..most won't .
@HannahAgra4 ай бұрын
@@justmegee88 precisely! Like the bad habits that may come as coping mechanisms when they occasionally miss us (which may even involve drug abuse), this search for the new comes too. And I'm so certain this is how its going to be with my ex, that hurts a lot. Even tho I dont truly believe in that "winning the breakup" thing so much, it really feels like I'm the loser here
@johndoe54323 ай бұрын
You're incorrect. I'm an anxious avoidant and three weeks was all it took for me to ask her to try again. Granted, I also broke up with her when I was drunk, angry about work and read too much into something she said. I basically instantly regretted what I'd done.
@MrScubajoop5 ай бұрын
Why would you want someone back who did this to you? Regardless of the attachment style, it is an inhumane way to treat someone! As you can tell, I recently broke up with someone with this attachment style. In my relationship, he left me with a heap of bills; no wonder he is avoidant. Thank you for this video.
@anothercat96007 ай бұрын
Often we overgive due to our anxiety, which makes the fearful/dismissive avoidant not understand who we are. he knows all my Yes's but none of my No's and also we walk on eggshells not asking the avoidant questions about how they feel about things in the relationship. We also forget to ask them of things. We get exhausted by our overinvestment, and we start to cry when they seem to not care. I learnt the hard way that direct communication is much better. Using words. "I would feel much less alone if I wasn't planning all our dates. Every other week/time I feel it's your turn to intiate. That is my opinion for a healthy relationship. What do you think?" "How do you feel about ...?" Simple questions but often we see the other person as a different species (gender, attachment style, religion, ethnic group) so we don't ask them, instead we guess. I read alot about men-on-the-asperger-spectrum, men-and-women, fearful-avoidants, cptsd, difficulty-understanding-facial-expressions-for-trauma-survivors, etc. But none of that actually helped me. I just overinvested and he didn't get what I was doing, at all. So he stopped caring about me. What helped was me later on treating him like someone who has the answers, someone who knows how he feels. "Would you tell me more about that?" "Could you help me with...?" "It seems like you don't want to talk anymore about this so i back off now
@HannahAgra4 ай бұрын
How has it been going on so far? Please please answer
@garettzeek10677 ай бұрын
feel like these types care too much what their friends think about their relationships ..... an also they dont see the good they just focus on all the negatives ......
@haydenstorm307 ай бұрын
100% agree.
@healingwithcharlie7 ай бұрын
Not uncommon to think that. Many have low self esteem, and naturally care about the opinions of others to determine if they’re “doing the right things”. Usually it doesn’t stem from an ego but is rather a form of hypervigilance. As for focusing on negatives, this can often happen as they deactivate as it can help them to reinforce their need for space and decisions to disconnect from relationships all together. It’s sometimes very subtle that they’re not even aware they do it. Although it can be easy to take it personally, it often has more to do with them than you
@michaelmich007 ай бұрын
most people right now, social media makes them think they can get a perfect partner with everything fixed, looks, money, spiritual, charm. what they forget is no one is perfect and even if they know they subcons think they can get better. never been so many single women/moms in 100 years!
@FreshStart2024-qg8zm7 ай бұрын
Yes! Major factor.... I always here so and so mate who he hardly cares about said why is he still with me etc.
@abigailcosta17167 ай бұрын
@@healingwithcharlieI really want to thank you. People hate us so much, and you manage to show them we are humans. I hate being an avoidant and would love to feel connected in my relationship. But, indeed, I feel myself pulling away and only seeing the negatives of being in it.
@fs41627 ай бұрын
Ok, as someone who dated an avoidant, yes they do come back, multiple times actually if they like you enough, BUT they won’t stay. Just let them be. I am a Fearful Avoidant, who was dating a dismissive avoidant, it sucks and I am working to be secure. I sick and I know it. But working on it.
@drexel19767 ай бұрын
they come back testing the waters, and yes- they don't stay. if they do not do the inner work while they're away, they will continue to pull away as emotions are scary and closeness is unsafe.
@oussamarizk7587 ай бұрын
after how many days they did come back ?
@suddalavijay69307 ай бұрын
Its going to take anywhere between 3 months to 5 months@@oussamarizk758
@arankagionetti20987 ай бұрын
Resist the devil and he will flee from you!
@Lee-rt6tx7 ай бұрын
@@oussamarizk758mine and I broke up a month ago. I was still chasing for maybe 2 weeks she finally blocked me and then like 3 weeks later she drunk calls me from her friend’s phone. Take it for what it’s worth but idk if I have the patience to deal with someone who doesn’t know whether or not they want to be with me. I was losing myself trying to be everything for this woman and when I had certain needs they were met with arguments, insults, or cold shoulders. I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to end it.
@shawna21547 ай бұрын
Exactly. I’m not even sure I want him back after this. What’s the point of me going through such a contemptuous experience? I’m capable of giving and getting better treatment than this.
@FreshStart2024-qg8zm7 ай бұрын
yeah I'd never do this to him. but he's done it 50 million times in 5 years and I can't take any more. I've done nothing wrong and he's just disappeared, on valentines day like he did last year, just ruins me even being able to love him as I spend half my life having to respect no contact.
@vsnrm54513 ай бұрын
Thank you for this. We truly deserve better, I wouldn't wish this treatment on my worst enemy and they do this to people they LOVE. Anf they feel justified. No remorse, no apology. I can't date someone who sees nothing wrong with this, because I refuse to be treated worse than I would ever treat anyone. If you're reading this wondering if they'll come back: who gives a fuck. You don't deserve someone who might or might not give you an ounce of what you need and then take it away whenevert they feel like it. I wish I got away sooner and saved myself from so much heartbreak.
@bmbrowns17782 ай бұрын
Yea if you are at the high point in your life and your ex is feeling sorry for themselves, why would you let them back in? The only reason they want you is because they are at a low point and you aren't. Do not let them drag you down with them
@iacobelliscomedy7 ай бұрын
She told me I was the first man to show her respect in a relationship, bragged to her friends and family that it was the healthiest relationship she'd ever been in, literally thanked God I was put into her life. I'm at the point in my life where I'm over hookups and just coasting through relationships, I found something real with her. We had one awkward part towards the end where she pulled away and I kept doing things just to let her know I was there for her, that I would be no matter what. Then, seemingly out of the blue, she broke up with me. Told me she couldn't be the person I wanted her to be, that we weren't emotionally compatible etc. none of it made sense, we haven't talked in a month now. I love that woman with all of my heart and soul, I just want her to be happy.
@ilinho45547 ай бұрын
This is a very story to mine. He broke up with me out of nowhere, said our affection styles aren't the same and wouldn't be compatible together. I was the first person to really care about him more than any of his exes. Hope you're healing through it and are able to focus on the positive days ahead!
@darkpie997 ай бұрын
Literally the exact same boat, stay strong man
@bigrusty31207 ай бұрын
Bro that’s exactly what happened to me it’s been 3 months and it’s still hard
@andresamaya1607 ай бұрын
Literally same story, looks like this a common pattern. I consider myself anxious attachment and I think when we see them pulling away we want to solve and make them sure we love them, but I have learned this makes avoidants even more doubtful and distant. It's been one month out from this last relationship and I have realized that this is not the love and honest communication I deserve, but we can't do anything but continue working on ourselves and wish them growth. Hopefully they one day realize that love requires the decision to share your individuality, and for some avoidants, this is a loss. It's hard but stay strong brother!
@HarryDigikid5 ай бұрын
I felt you, and after watching tons of videos, here's what i learnt Learn to accept the fact the why she/he leaves you has nothing to do with you yourself, its THEIR decision. You have more value then you think you were. Dont live in your fantasy, live in the reality. The reality is your ex left you. That is it. No why. Only when you are calm enough, asssess the situation to make sure you get a good grasp of the quality you are looking after, dont be hasty for the next journey, and be more aware of the red flags coming.
@lindaread98383 ай бұрын
If you always do what always did, you'll always get what you always got!
@rotte55376 ай бұрын
Accept life and the hardships it brings, remember there are so many more potential partners and infinite futures out there for each and every one of us. Don't let yourself be held back by people who don't value you or your time and learn to respect yourself and accept yourself as you are. It's not all your fault and it never was, accept that you can't control everything in life and that it's okay. Take control of your own life instead of wasting time trying to figure out how to control the uncontrollable. Life goes on, you'll get over this and become stronger Without any negative experiences in life the good experiences would never feel as great as they do. You got this!
@jillcorsiglia57964 ай бұрын
Great advice ❤🙏🏼
@cnote35804 ай бұрын
Even if they have the exterior of happiness, deep inside the avoidant is not happy. The unhealed childhood traumas stand in the way of it
@aselyne5631Ай бұрын
Did you notice they can't even laugh heartily or is it just me
@ericagafford21016 ай бұрын
Usually when a guy ghost you or block you per phone but leave other social media , there is a strong chance it’s another woman either a ex girlfriend or new girlfriend and he can’t have the decency to give you an explanation, that is a lousy, coward move. Then when they try to come back because it wasn’t as green on the other side and he obviously has mental issues to think you would want him back. What goes around, comes around…
@KristySutton-u6g6 ай бұрын
It's difficult to let go someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 3 years ended, but I couldn't just let he go I did all I could to get him back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counsellor who helped me bring he back, his contact below this comment.
@mohammedxk84597 ай бұрын
It’s been one year she ain’t coming back , I’m not waiting i did the work and changed so much during that time. But the idea of creating something better with that girl always on my mind. I’ve been in no contact 11 months now, she didn’t contact me at all.
@fieryheadedgirl7 ай бұрын
It's 6.5 months of me waiting to hear back from my ex who dumped me by text and ghosted me. I'd never take him back now. I still CANNOT believe I never ever heard from him again. After everything I did for him... and so sweet to him. Never even raised my voice at this guy. Never said no to him. So so sweet to him. Gave him 110% whilst he gave me 1%.
@nimishapathak1997 ай бұрын
Why does this happen tho? Why some of them never reach out to you.
@nuriacappilli5797 ай бұрын
Some of them are narcissist and not avoidants.. and if they are narcissistic, you should really run far away because these people really just use you.. but someone not reaching out could also mean they are severly avoidant and kind of fear being rejected by you or think that by now you might have just moved on..@@nimishapathak199
@aewtx7 ай бұрын
You broke up. Why would they reach out to you? Unless you've got kids together, technically you shouldn't be having contact with an ex. That's the whole point of breaking up. @@nimishapathak199
@entuella7 ай бұрын
>I’m not waiting >with that girl always on my mind No judgment here, just hope you'll eventually move on, buddy.
@EverydayAdventures1237 ай бұрын
OMG 23 seconds in and its my situation EXACTLY - so glad I serendipitously found this channel 🙏 I subscribed 😊 thanks this is the therapy i need to hear to heal as well but i can already say I WON'T be here if my avoidant "ex" wants to come back - he's going find i RAN far far away never to be found again. HE IS THE ONE WHO ASKED ME TO BE VULNERABLE. HE is the one who told me to "be all in" - I was trying to go slow!! Mind f*ckery it is.
@shrutigupta431727 күн бұрын
I dont know why but with an avoidant ex i feel everything I did was on point and i have almost zero regret by loosing them ....
@haydenstorm307 ай бұрын
Been listening to all your videos. Everything has played out exactly like you say in your videos. Was in an almost 3 year relationship and got blind sided. She says she still loves me, and that I'm the love of her life, but that she thinks I deserve someone "better". I tried the bargain phase etc, and she has closed herself off so much from her emotions that she wont let us work on things together. She's the love of my life also, and regardless of either of our attachment styles I know we could work through this if she'd give it a chance. Going no contact in the hopes she comes back. Besides a few issues here and there we had a great life together. I can't imagine spending whatever time I have left with anyone else. I have horrible insomnia and was hoping your video would be up, but unfortunately it's 3 more hours till the drop. I'm working on myself and all the things I'm supposed to do, but I have to hold on to hope that there is a chance she'll come back. I've been married/divorced, and have had several relationships, but I have never been in love like this. Any help/advice/encouragement is appreciated.
@healingwithcharlie7 ай бұрын
Thanks for checking out my videos! It's okay to have hope. In the meantime, focus on getting back to you with each day. Revisit old hobbies, interests or activities that bring you joy. This can help with any sleep issues while you navigate this difficult time. In the meantime, stick with no contact as best you can and level up in whatever way is meaningful for you. There's always hope she'll come back again, in the meantime for your health it's important to focus on your and your loved ones. Wish you all the best!
@haydenstorm307 ай бұрын
Charlie thank you for the response. If I can ask you two small questions please. My ex knows she's an avoidant, but she doesn't see that's what she's doing now before I went no contact. Is that typical? Also while I'm doing my healing and leveling up myself during no contact, would I reach out to her after a period of time, or do I let her reach out to me? I know avoidants are tricky with a limited window.
@uniquedavenport7 ай бұрын
Yes avoidants have a very hard time seeing the pain that they often inflict on their partners or they will minimize it it's a common theme for avoidant people the best thing to do is work on you're self yes you can have all the love in the world but if you don't focus on your own flaws it will eventually blow up in your face anxious people or A.P's have a habit of putting all their focus and attention on how to accommodate a avoidant to the point that they abandon their own wants and needs and it actually will make an avoidant run from you and distance themselves even more give her space and time and also make sure she is WORKING ON HER SELF TOO!..NOT just you or your relationship will become one sided you can't carry the load for the both of you guys you will burn you're self to the ground sir trust me avoidants will secretly judge you to if you become to needy you have to let things organically play out forcing a outcome or even being obsessed about it will not do you any favors sorry if this came off harsh if you truly love her and your self you will set boundaries and focus on you not make her the focus if that makes sense..I use to be avoidant and a bit anxious until I met my ex who was more avoidant then me lol I'm in therapy now learning more about myself and yes my ex has tried to come back a few times but he doesn't want to try therapy or really dig deep because that type of stuff is scary for avoidants I understand it's nothing I can do but to keep pushing forward.. avoidants do come back trust me, if they really had a bond with you they will try but it's up to you on what your non negotiables are please remember you can not love someone more then they love themselves most avoidants put on a good front but they are just as insecure as any other person with attachment issues they are just very good at masking how they really feel ,they carry an I am defective and not good enough wounds so keep that in mind...good luck
@haydenstorm307 ай бұрын
@uniquedavenport thank you for the response as well. I am currently working on myself. I'm in therapy for my anxious attachment style, and getting on some medication on the 22nd "first chance to get in" for my anxiety. I started family therapy with my son and ex wife "not my Avoidant ex" as well. I've joined a gym due to some health problems I've recently discovered. Im up for a promotion at work.I'm taking steps to get where I want to be. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping for her to come back. At the same time that I love her, I'm so incredibly angry that she would treat me like this. Truthfully I feel she has treated me less than dirt, and this does not seem like the person I knew. I'm not trying to justify it by saying that. It's like someone flipped a switch on her. If she had these feelings or not, I thought everything was OK.if we had discussed her most recent feelings everything could have been worked out. We lived together for the last year, and when I got the last of my stuff she had already removed all my photos. I know I can't go back in time and make things happen a certain way, but to go from making life plans together to not wanting to ever see me again is a hard pill to swallow. I have never met someone who could turn off their feelings like that before. When I got the last of my things we hugged, and kissed several times romantically. She didn't initiate, i did, but she did kiss me back. She told me she loved me, and that I was the love of her life, but she couldn't be with me. She started crying, and I asked her why. She said it was because she was hurting me. How can she really love me, and still do this? I want nothing else for her to heal her wounds also. I was all for giving her space also. But over night "to me at least", she has convinced herself and even insinuating that we will not be together again. She has even said she doesn't see a future with us. But at the same time I'm the love of her life? I know I don't deserve to be treated this way. I take 100% ownership of my faults. I know sometimes I'm a lot. I understand that, and was actually taking steps before any of this happened. That still doesn't mean I deserve this. I was loving, supportive, faithful, non argument, hard working etc. I'm very self-aware. I want her to do her therapy and work also, but truthfully I think she isn't going to. Even though she said she wants to be single so she can work on herself. 2 weeks before this happened I found out a coworker who knew she was in a committed relationship had asked her out anyway. She said no.i had asked her if I wasn't in the picture if she would be interested in this guy, and she said no also. Even though I would like to think that she is being truthful, it's still in the back of my mind. I'm wondering if she broke up with me to have a fling with that p.o.s. It's a weird feeling to be so in love with someone and so angry at the same time. This woman has been through everything with me. She has helped me with so much in my personal life, and been there for me through so much. Then all of a sudden I didn't matter anymore, and she didn't care about me, or us. Sorry for the long response, but I needed to vent. As much as I try to make sense of it, I can't wrap my head around it. My therapist knows that she had still been telling me she loved me up until I went no contact, but said it seemed like she was doing it as a way of control. The person I know wouldn't do that, or flip on a switch like this. She has always had a hard time expressing her positive emotions, but I've never seen her just change like this. Anyway, that's all I've got. I'm just very hurt, and looking for answers I may never get.
@tia24847 ай бұрын
@@haydenstorm30I’m going through nearly the exact same thing. He’s 51 & his longest relationship before me was 3 years.. we broke up 3 years ago and after no contact & him hearing I was dating again, he literally begged me back. After listing my boundaries etc we got back together. Exactly 3 years later, actually, 1 day shy of 6yrs total, he repeated the cycle. So his cycle is max 3yrs. We made it to 6 & would probably be able to work it out until 3 more years Lol but he said the same thing she said to you.. that he is being selfish so he needs to let me go, as I deserve better. He knows he has an issue and needs therapy but he’s too avoidant to even look in that direction. Therefore he is premeditatedly going to continue to hurt his relationships forever. I am so in love with him, and he even said he loves me with his whole heart and that I’m the love of his life and that he will likely never ever meet anyone like me again…but it’s him, not me. 😑 they don’t know why they do it, they just know they do. We never fought and stuff either and had a perfect relationship except for this 3 year cycle😅 it gets tiring, and I’m getting older out here wasting 6 yrs. I wouldn’t really say it’s wasted bc I have so many good things from it, but ton continue on this mad cycle is insanity. I want him to get therapy, he won’t, yet I still consider getting back on this same ride.
7 ай бұрын
this is such good, quality content! I wish you all the best with growing your channel Charlie. both your delivery and the visual, lighting quality of the video is very high up there. all the best to you with your KZbin journey!
@healingwithcharlie7 ай бұрын
Thank you so much! I appreciate your kind comment. I'm hoping to eventually improve the visual quality and my background further but in due time :)
@Flufero237 ай бұрын
I was with a fearful avoidant for four years in a relationship/situationship. I am 70% secure and 30% FA myself, so letting him have space was fairly easy for me. I like my space, also. I also had a life with friends, family, and activities apart from him. The main issue with him was fear of intimacy. He preferred friendship. He was very comfortable keeping all his ex's as friends. He even wanted to remain friends with me after he dumped me for another. Nope. Only secure persons moving forward.
@fortheladies7717 ай бұрын
This is something that narcissists do. Just saying…
@Flufero237 ай бұрын
@@fortheladies771 Yes, narcissists do this also. The difference,IMO, is that narcissists intend to hurt and abuse. Avoidants act out of fear. They generally have no intention to hurt. In general, I think they are kind people.
@justmegee886 ай бұрын
@annewrenn3496 agreed..I was with a narc for 2 years ..that was the worst relationship ever!!! Avoidants don't do it to hurt you..they are the ones who are fearful of getting hurt
@jeaneengant67717 ай бұрын
His ego won't allow him come back.. Been in NC for 2months
@wizardkitty927 ай бұрын
takes 4 months for them to come back 😅
@jeaneengant67717 ай бұрын
@@wizardkitty92yeah.. I doubt it.. he’s embarrassed for the betrayal he did.. knowing he had a good one here
@prmpatti7 ай бұрын
@@jeaneengant6771 EXACTLY the same for me!
@FreshStart2024-qg8zm7 ай бұрын
I waited 3 months once and he still did come back. He's just fucked off again tho. No reason whatsoever. Sick of it.
@chelseajackman77305 ай бұрын
Approaching nine months over here.
@AndreaS-kj4rb7 ай бұрын
I am so so so happy I finally have the explanation of why my love pulls away! I can honestly heal even more from this. Thank you so much! I will check out the journal.
@Mellie7267 ай бұрын
I have been listening to all of your videos and they are very informative. I have an anxious attachment style. Ex ghosted me a week before last Xmas after a 4 month relationship. He did mention to me ironically during that time that why I haven't gone back to my hobbies which I left when I met him. I feel like I was the one that was more emotionally attached during the time we were together. Anyway it's been about 6 or 7 weeks of no contact, and I really do wish he would contact me eventually. This video of yours is really the epitome of all the videos I've watched here on youtube. I totally agree with going back very slowly if he ever does. thank you for giving us anxious attachment styles some hope. Keep up the good work Charlie!
@healingwithcharlie7 ай бұрын
Thanks for checking out my videos! I hope they've been helpful. I'm a firm believer that getting back in touch with any hobbies or interests that were pushed off to the side during the relationship is a great way to get back to yourself, and also entice an ex to reach out to you again. Chances are, those hobbies and interests are partly what attracted them to you in the first place, and many avoidants and fearful avoidants like when their partners can uphold those activities as the relationship continues. I wish you luck on your healing journey!
@Mellie7267 ай бұрын
Thanks Charlie for your reply and time!@@healingwithcharlie
@joeskwara58234 ай бұрын
You are right about how anxious get overwhelmed and then come down from that. My body and brain struggle but then I come down and soon enough I hit that switch and I flip it and they can’t come back unless it’s my way and then I realize that’s my fantasy brain talking as I don’t want a my way relationship
@tanyaleigh87967 ай бұрын
Advice on what to do if we still live together. Separate bedrooms of course but shaving the same house.
@healingwithcharlie7 ай бұрын
Depends on the relationship dynamic but if you're both technically separated within the same house then I'd try limited contact. Keep conversations casual and colloquial, and limit how much you talk about the relationship, unless of course you're talking about getting back together
@rickmailloux47847 ай бұрын
Hey Charlie! Your content, delivery and the fact that you were an avoidant all make your videos and messages so powerful and eye opening. Thank you! I’m actually a secure person that was blindsided and dumped by a FA after 3 years. Any insight or future videos including the dynamic of us secure people would be a huge help.
@healingwithcharlie7 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing! Great suggestion! I plan on making more videos relating to secure attachment as I continue to become more secure myself
@zombiemolly97117 ай бұрын
Why would you want them back, after you got over them?
@MJordangame67 ай бұрын
Right!!!!
@sjimgsjl99804 ай бұрын
You are sooo good at explaning and advicing. Thank u very much for doing this🙏
@healingwithcharlie4 ай бұрын
Thank you! I hope you've found my content helpful and insightful. Wishing you all the best! :)
@junoverena28973 ай бұрын
This video has been so healing. You are incredible.
@healingwithcharlie3 ай бұрын
I’m glad you found it valuable! Wishing you all the best :)
@p416026 күн бұрын
amazing advice thankyou
@IKFKSwitch7 ай бұрын
When an avoidant is just a friend and does this, it's hard not to take it personally, even though what's going on with him probably has little to do with me. At least I've taken this loss as grist for the therapy mill, and continue to work on my own fearful-avoidant attachment style. (Any why I keep gravitating to DA types.) We were new friends, so it's tough to realize it's more likely he's not going to reconnect. We share some stomping grounds so am hoping an accidental run in won't be too awkward.
@missnerd95557 ай бұрын
Thanks for talking about this. I have been facing such an issue with a friend too. We almost got off the ground with a relationship but didn't really. I felt I was the one who was more invested, him being emotionally numb. It is very hard to not take it personally; i have understood or in the process of understanding that they really are that way, and not much to do with me. Even if it is, a lot of it is about their issues with intimacy and real bonds. They don't even realise at times, and even if they do, they have a hard time getting over their own barriers.
@DontDishItOutIfYouCantTakeIt6 ай бұрын
In the silence, I have come to see that he's just not what I'm looking for, just not what I want.
@KristySutton-u6g6 ай бұрын
It's difficult to let go someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 3 years ended, but I couldn't just let he go I did all I could to get him back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counsellor who helped me bring he back, his contact below this comment.
@KristySutton-u6g6 ай бұрын
His KZbin channel @droman01
@NMTDelightfulMusic7 ай бұрын
Excellent video 🎉🎉🎉🎉
@fezilemkhontfo66156 ай бұрын
Thank you for this, I learnt a lot about myself ❤
@kavyakamath49533 ай бұрын
I must say your captions attract to watch your videos 😂
@Lilly-fl7qz7 ай бұрын
I don’t understand. How can they go from no contact to seeing how much we’ve changed - if we’re no contact with them and don’t post info on our social media nor face friends in common? Doesn’t make sense how that could happen w zero communications in any way. ??
@healingwithcharlie7 ай бұрын
In cases like that, they wouldn’t know immediately unless they reach out to you directly and you catch up with them. Usually just the nostalgia of the last relationship is what’s bringing them back
@nineangels75727 ай бұрын
Counseling or Therapy, not the gym. Heal & grow from the inside first. Just my opinion.
@EverydayAdventures1237 ай бұрын
Note: my ex WANTED me to "need" him. I wanted to go slow but he INSISTED I be more emotionally vulnerable. IT WAS a trap. A sick trap - so I want to reattract him so I can AVOID him hahaha its f*cking game on. Not that he will care - but its a way for me to feel like i get an ounce of dignity back. And he definitely wont expect me to avoid him.
@roundabout45317 ай бұрын
I think you missed the “don’t do it for revenge” part
@EverydayAdventures1237 ай бұрын
@@roundabout4531 🤣 but I want revengaaaaahh!!!!
@EverydayAdventures1237 ай бұрын
@roundabout4531 actually I know I can't get revenge because he literally doesn't care. But I have stopped chasing him - which is atleast saving some dignity. I'm letting go sooner than later let's say.
@IndorilTheGreat4 ай бұрын
I began focusing on myself after getting dumped, and my ex noticed this so she ignored all communication and unfollowed me from social media. When we had a closure talk a couple of weeks after the breakup, and she said she wasn't ready for a relationship - found out she lied and she was already in a committed relationship with someone else. Called her out and she denied it and blocked me, so I guess that's the end of that.
@adrianlanderos62984 ай бұрын
Dang, how long were you guys together for?
@se788364 ай бұрын
I’m an avoidant and we don’t come back once we finally realise the other person doesn’t understand us. Being single feels safer, no matter how much we loved our partner. This stuff is deeply rooted in childhood
@snickerdoodle2124 ай бұрын
Eff you all. Honestly.
@sunshinehope98254 ай бұрын
Be a good sport and don't date if you haven't healed
@keithjarvis43523 ай бұрын
What if you felt like the other person finally understood you? I’m curious if that would make a difference. I feel as though many people watching these videos are working on understanding their avoidant exes
@ambe_ezy7 ай бұрын
I was discarded by them over text on a Sunday. This was confirmed when we saw each other in person on Monday. (We work together) they were extremely cold and said they wanted to completely detach. So no contact started then. Then Wednesday of the same week, I get a message saying they left a gift in my work locker..?! Like why? Is this normal avoidant behavior? I’m beyond confused. I didn’t respond to the message, I don’t want to accept the gift
@terryseufert50117 ай бұрын
No contact. Don't take the gift
@FreshStart2024-qg8zm7 ай бұрын
do nothing unless you get some sign of actual remorse
@simonthewatchguy60737 ай бұрын
Don't let them back, they'll destroy your emotions and constantly blame you. You don't need that BS in your life.
@sunshinehope98254 ай бұрын
He sounds sick. Don't let him back. You're not a doormat.
@electricchick4 ай бұрын
when will the avoidants work on themselves too? especially if the anxious attacher is doing it.
@healingwithcharlie4 ай бұрын
Sometime's they don't. If they do, it either happens because they perceive a great loss in their life in the form of a breakup or divorce and understand they need to change, or they accept that something isn't right much later in life and that's when they start. I've seen both, and when they start I've seen them become very enthusiastic about changing
@booboobearify7 ай бұрын
PROBLEM IS WHEN I DATED AN AVOIDANT, I HAD NO IDEA THIS IS WHAT HE WAS. .. SO IT WAS HORRIBLE AND I WAS SO HURT.... I KNEW I WAS ACTING NORMAL BUT DIDNT KNOW WHY HE WAS SO MEAN AND DISTANT ALL THE TIME! NOW I KNOW WHY... 😢
@chrissun28824 ай бұрын
My ex, she is fearful avoidant, it’s just so much pain to deal with. And full on ego. Doesn’t even have guts to admit she was lying from the beginning until I force her to confess. Well I was stupid enough to let it go and continue relationship. Sort of she is literally covered by red flags. Well love or the feeling they bring you make you blind af
@catwesk16 күн бұрын
Okay so maybe this is a little ND of me, but I don't want to say anything that could be hurtful for no reason so imma just ask this outright. Is it possible to get them to NEVER talk to me again by straight up telling them that I never want to see/talk to them again? Cause I'll say it, but only if that would very likely PERMANENTLY end the possibility of her ever coming around me again. (She showed up at my job, and I'm currently no contact with no interest of going back so I've ignored her every time. I think she might reach out soon and the thought of it makes me physically sick. I never want to experience anything that she has to offer again. I'm much happier, but I struggle with justice sensitivity so I desperately don't want to be mean or cruel about it)
@wendydaniel11102 ай бұрын
As a secure ,my life became much better when the Avoidant bailed. No.more walking on eggshells and getting on his hamster wheel. Rather be single where I am so much happier than being with the Avoidant. ❤
@MrBelascoaranShayne4 ай бұрын
Waiting for the avoidant is not worth it. In the same time the avoidant discards you and then come back (to discard you again sometime in the near future) you could've begun two or three relationships with secures or anxious attachments and those do have the chance to endure more time and be more stable.
@user-iu3ky6iv4c7 ай бұрын
thank youuuu
@ulrichhille52413 ай бұрын
Avoidants turn even secure types into anxious because they crush you down so much :( So think a lot before you welcome him (or her) back for a re-run. If the avoidant wont chance what will become better?
@Jacqueline-om2cd7 ай бұрын
Shall we wait until they reach out or can we reach out ourself after a bit of time in nc?
@ryandavis49367 ай бұрын
ah its too late, i tried too hard to get her to come back
@geoffreybester79535 ай бұрын
Push - pull "The breakup" = taking everything and leaving once a week.
@chris513854 ай бұрын
What if it ended rather explosively and some very hurtful things were said? They don’t recover from insults and mean words as readily. Though maybe this is a part of any breakup like this
@zombiemolly97117 ай бұрын
I tried so hard.
@JustMeAndMyBoy7 ай бұрын
How do they see improvement and become interested again when we’re no longer in touch???
@healingwithcharlie7 ай бұрын
They can ask common friends about you, lurk your social media, or they may just reach out to you directly and by “catching up” it can happen
@betty226917 ай бұрын
@@healingwithcharlieI don’t use social media. No friends in common.
@sonictextures7 ай бұрын
If they dumped you and did the avoidant cut-and-run routine, force them to make the concerted effort of reaching out and asking about things if you wish to reconcile. Even if you want to get back together, it’s best to not make it seem like the door’s always open. If they want to get back together, make them work to build back your trust.
@JustMeAndMyBoy7 ай бұрын
@@sonictextures force them, how? Are u referring to no contact? We haven’t broken up, the words haven’t been spoken. We barely see one another anyway, it’s mostly a texting relationship. But he’s pulling away, probably bc I gently and lovingly asked him to open up, tell me what happened in his past. No communication on either side more than 2 weeks now. I miss him. Don’t know what to do from here. 😢 Thoughts?
@sonictextures7 ай бұрын
@@JustMeAndMyBoy Oh, I thought you had already broken up. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. You should try to address the present state of your relationship before jumping ahead to a scenario in which you’re broken up. I don’t know exactly how you are communicating with your partner, but a healthy relationship is not one built on avoidance of intimacy. I mean, the fact that this is over text and not even a phone call or FaceTime is really telling of strained intimacy. It’s about the least intimate way you could communicate with another person after carrier pigeon. You should just call your partner, check in with them, and try to get together in person to talk. If they screen your call, leave a voicemail. If they don’t respond or acknowledge the call, then you send a text to see what’s going on. It sounds like you know where this relationship is headed. But respect yourself enough to push for an in-person conversation to end the relationship. It’s the more adult, emotionally mature thing to do.
@quilacoya7 ай бұрын
¿What happen if he cheated on you ? He decided to go for the other girl....
@johnkaiser6710Ай бұрын
What if they monkey branch? Meaning will they miss me and experience the regret stage or will the honeymoon with the newb not allow that.
@DriShti-d2l7 ай бұрын
My boyfriend and I broke up recently, and we had minor problems from my part, considering I'm anxiously attached, and he's avoidantly attached. I've tried to convince him that we can make it work, but he's just so done with the relationship, and says he doesn't want it. He said he felt bound and exhsusted, and that now his days are better. Are there chances of him coming back? He still texts me good morning. We have same friend group and same class. Will he come back?
@sunshinehope98254 ай бұрын
don't go back to a guy who makes you stressed instead of blessed
@Gexy2g7 ай бұрын
Hey Charlie, Been following you for a while now, love the content! I have a question: Could you perhaps help how can one better communicate their feelings, needs and boundaries in relationships? Could you recommend any books or anything where it's possible to learn on improving those things?
@healingwithcharlie7 ай бұрын
A great book that worked for me was “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” By Nedra Glover Tawwab. It goes into great detail on how to set boundaries, including examples of how to phrase them, and what to do when boundaries aren’t respected. Definitely recommend!
@Gexy2g7 ай бұрын
@@healingwithcharlie Thanks so much for your response!
@oussamarizk7587 ай бұрын
usually, how many days or weeks does it take for them to get back ? i know there is no specific answer, but what is the average or the range
@healingwithcharlie7 ай бұрын
On average they can come back within 3-6 months, however some have come back over 1 year later
@pugninja70377 ай бұрын
I always was better off when he wasn't around. I'd always be doing my thing.. he said it's your way or the highway..no idea because all I'd say is do u fancy a call..of u call that ur way the highway.. nah I prefer my space and met half way.. as a FA
@milo-tg4li7 ай бұрын
3yr relationship with fearful avoidant split in September came back late November then deactivated early January after going away now very dismissive reading msgs not responding not sure what to do
@terryseufert50117 ай бұрын
Move on. You deserve so much better
@milo-tg4li7 ай бұрын
@@terryseufert5011 easier said then done
@FreshStart2024-qg8zm7 ай бұрын
I'm on year 5. Won't change I'm afraid. Really thought I was getting somewhere amazing.... even had a proposal. nope he's gone again. Acting like I do not even exist which just makes me feel like I actually don't. I didn't do anything. Wasn't even being needy as I've learnt not to.
@FreshStart2024-qg8zm7 ай бұрын
best advice I can give you? Start flirting with someone new. Don't actually DO anything. But mine is crazy jealous and possessive which Is ironic when acting like I don't exist. It's worth a shot. They tend to want what other people want. Shallow like that.
@milo-tg4li7 ай бұрын
@FreshStart2024-qg8zm we met on Saturday had a good time bowling didn't bring up relationship said we will go out again then when dropped her off she gave me a valentine gift then a cuddle then freaked and went into full avoidant Does my head in So confusing
@El-bz1tq7 ай бұрын
I would not bother
@hughcant51827 ай бұрын
gents, the truth is out , she walked or ran away because you did not fill her needs, not enough x y z , no drama , your not here to make her happy, its her loss. nbr 1 thing keep your health , assets and above all your finances. she is probbaly sleeping around or has already lined up your replacement. be civil , keep in touch but dont let her into your lair , its your safe place, shame it never worked but move on and have a good life atb brothers x
@faithing884 ай бұрын
He told me he can't meet my needs, I was so inlove with him and didn't mind the breadcrumbs. My car broke down and I was said, and needed comfort but he became so aggressive demanding s*x, I was not mentally there. I realized he meant it when he said he can't meet my needs. He screamed at me, slammed the door in my face, told me he didn't want me there to begin with and I should leave and never come back. I left I was so disappointed with myself why I accepted someone not emotionally available for me
@aurakl24076 ай бұрын
😅😅😅 maybe goodbye, I don’t want you back
@geezlouise61667 ай бұрын
What about disorganized attachment?
@SilentRover-lc9jk7 ай бұрын
Fearful avoidant is the same as disorganized. Feardyl dismissive is the most commonly thought of avoidant style.
@SHAYBR337 ай бұрын
Can they come back after a rebound? How long do rebounds usually last?
@healingwithcharlie7 ай бұрын
They can but it’s important to consider if you’ll still want them back when it happens. Rebounds don’t usually last, but they can still become short term relationships (ie. anywhere from 6+ months long).
@lordmichaelharris17107 ай бұрын
A rebound relationship is under pressure the dumper new relationship does see that they will after limarance typically a few months get comfortable and make the same mistakes and the spark might go too grass is not greener on the other side without healing first
@user-pv7ef1ll4u7 ай бұрын
They always comeback after a rebound… Mine came back a month after i found her cheating and she hit me with “we are too different”… did NC only to found out her telling me that the rebound was “too different” too lmao
@amelie-db7gu7 ай бұрын
Sorry this is bad news but I just need to add balance to the argument that "rebounds never last." I met someone soon after a breakup and was with that person for 6 years. I'm only saying this cos it annoys me when stereotypes are presented like they're a rule.
@FreshStart2024-qg8zm7 ай бұрын
sure, if it didn't work out. they are selfish and just want what they need
@intergalactical24835 ай бұрын
Does this work for intense short term relationship ? We’ve been together for 2 Month, and it was very intensely
@danilaroche11563 ай бұрын
Possible. Most men come back sooner or later. Turn to the Lord for guidance.
@intergalactical24833 ай бұрын
@@danilaroche1156 she is a woman
@paolavega24006 ай бұрын
Pfff if he ever comes back he needs to get therapy or I am not taking him back.
@KristySutton-u6g6 ай бұрын
It's difficult to let go someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 3 years ended, but I couldn't just let he go I did all I could to get him back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counsellor who helped me bring he back, his contact below this comment.
@KristySutton-u6g6 ай бұрын
His KZbin channel @droman01
@Whitecoco007 ай бұрын
Not true what if they go bk to their ex for their kids and meeting other people enjoying their freedom
@thatsmysherman5 ай бұрын
Mine went back to his ex-fiancé. I dont think he's coming back. Part of me doesn't want him back.
@tinac61147 ай бұрын
What if they jump to someone else right away?
@healingwithcharlie7 ай бұрын
It can happen! Sometimes called “leapfrogging”, “tree-branching” or “rebounding”. Moving on to someone else quickly can be part of the relief phase they experience during no contact. The other person usually serves as a distraction from the last relationship and consequently the emotional processing that’s often required with detaching and moving on from someone. It doesn’t mean they still can’t come back, but it could also mean they haven’t done the emotional work if they do come back
@yudv453 ай бұрын
Avoidant are like the gold diggers of energy ! Sounds like it !
@stevenhaynes59966 ай бұрын
Some advice please.. My wife and i have been married for three years.. i am anxious and she is aviodent.. She left me once for 2 months. And wanted me to come back.. Then after about a month she left for a night.. Then about two month's after that she left well i was at work.. And said we need to be separated for six month's then it changed to six month's or more now it has changed to around a year.. She says she wants this to work on our ourselves to better our marriage.. Please help...
@tonywilliams1984 ай бұрын
This is rough
@keithjarvis43523 ай бұрын
I hope you’re doing better. Reading this hurt my heart… it’s so hard, impossible, to connect and understand someone who struggles to communicate, doesn’t share their feelings and runs away
@dubaifatimaali7 ай бұрын
Who is the avoidant I am curious 😂😂
@IuanColeYoung7 ай бұрын
How long should no contact be?
@healingwithcharlie7 ай бұрын
Depends on your goal. If you want to completely detach and don’t want them back, at least 60 days to forever. If you’d like to try again with them in the future, then at least 60-90 days before communicating with them The amount of time isn’t as important as the work that’s done during no contact. Some people can do a lot of self work in a short span of time, some may need more so it depends on those factors too
@MrNickWins7 ай бұрын
No sound on any of your videos I've tried watching?
@Smalltummywonderful7 ай бұрын
I like an avoidant, but this may be my second one that I am chasing or pursuing
@anetak.94947 ай бұрын
No contact for 7 months now.. blocked initially. He now blocked me too. Just save yourself the pain and time.
@altheasherieel37247 ай бұрын
I feel you it is so hurtful.
@Caolan-b6r7 ай бұрын
Why did you block him
@anetak.94947 ай бұрын
@user-xu4xj2cd2j because he would constantly engage eventually, but leave 3-4 weeks between every interaction. And when I clearly communicated my boundaries and needs and ge still doesn't let go nor leaves me alone then I have to take that step and decide for us. At the end I have to protect myself.
@maxsheerin82196 ай бұрын
I dont think we save the pain. We just deal with it easier when we detach from them.
@MarcosIsaias-k6c3 ай бұрын
@@anetak.9494 boundaries can be toxic too but if you feel good by protecting yourself good job :)
@SnoppHuve7 ай бұрын
I choose to love you in silence For in silence I find no rejection I choose to love you in loneliness For in loneliness no one owns you but me I choose to adore you from a distance For distance will shield me from pain I choose to kiss you in the wind For the wind is gentler than my lips I choose to hold you in my dreams For in my dreams - you have no end Even if magically she comes back, I do not want her to come back now. I don't want her to give me what I need now. I needed her then. I needed her emotional support then, not her cold shoulder. I needed someone who reciprocated the stability, communication and safety I was providing. Not a cold shoulder, emotional shutdown and diminishing my concerns and feelings just because they were insignificant to her, in HER world and opinion. The five pillars of love are love, friendship, trust, honesty and respect. The weakest one of those five, is love. It goes up and down and is subject to emotion. The rest are subject to character, and something we actively choose to entertain. It is a choice to try and to make things work.
@maxsheerin82196 ай бұрын
This too shall pass
@SnoppHuve6 ай бұрын
It has passed ❤@@maxsheerin8219
@DontDishItOutIfYouCantTakeIt6 ай бұрын
And in that silence, loneliness and distance, I realize that he is not who I want.
@SnoppHuve6 ай бұрын
Yep, exactly what happened lol@@DontDishItOutIfYouCantTakeIt
@klittle36013 ай бұрын
💯
@sheliasmith28847 ай бұрын
Charlie you are wonderful i am secure and i was with an avodent for 2 years on and off i gave him space love whatever was needed. So i got tired and walked away so he came back but i was guarded because of the pain i went through. So he abruptly broke up with me before new years it shocked me because i was willing So now its no contact and i blocked him.my take is this if they don't do the work its not worth it because it will be the same pattern and we deserve better. Relationships are on their terms it was the most loneliness relationship I've ever been in i was so unhappy So good luck to anyone who wants them back. Buckle up and get ready for the ride . Thanks Charlie.
@tinac61147 ай бұрын
I've always been secure until my avoidant & he made me anxious! 2 yrs of push/pull...cold/hot...involvement with another woman whom he claims isn't needy like me! 1 mntj ago he got upset at me & blocked me for the umpteenth time in 2 yrs but I've decided if he tries to come back again I don't want to get back in a relationship with him. Its a Neverending cycle with him. He's had several relationships that don't last & now I know why.
@JustMeAndMyBoy7 ай бұрын
@Sheliasmith2884 hiw long before he came back plz during NC?
@tinac61147 ай бұрын
@@JustMeAndMyBoy anywhere from 1 month to 6 months. I never know.
@johndoe54323 ай бұрын
I'm the dumper and after barely three weeks of no contact I've crumbled. Maybe I lack resolve but that's literally all it took. The gaping hole where she used to be was immediately and intensely painful. I just sent her a small book requesting she let me take her out to dinner and talk. She's got me for life now if she'll have me, holy shit do I never want to experience that again.
@wendydaniel11102 ай бұрын
You're afraid of being alone. You're using your ex as a blanket to avoid healing. You're also codependent..❤
@saritaoftheoperaАй бұрын
I think that’s beautiful and as long as you have healed yourself and same with her that’s amazing. Missing my person so much and I wish and hope that he feels this way soon💔
@karmakimdaisy86807 ай бұрын
It's essential to heal and work on your self when the avoidant won't communicate or you are both doing no contact, but if the A doesn't do the work as well then might be better to walk away rather than expect thing to improve 😔
@noria_h7 ай бұрын
My avoidant ex sent me a friend request on FB just to delete it once I accepted. No surprise! and #NeverAgain
@annnee68186 ай бұрын
What a douchebag😢
@meleewulf7 ай бұрын
Thank you for this video. 7 years of being with the one I wanted to call my soulmate, my everything. I was denying myself the truth of what we were in favor of staying the same just so I could be with him. This video is the first one to really give me hope that I can move on and not be afraid of doing so. It still sucks and it’s still hard, but I finally have some form of motivation that I can strive for.
@NAMEISBHARATH7 ай бұрын
Take things slow until you find the right one, thank me later.
@dannywholuv5 ай бұрын
Give up hope. Its the best advice. No contact for 1.5 years and i dont expect to hear from her again. Especially as she mentioned she was stubborn.
@dannywholuv3 ай бұрын
Ps we got on well - she just didnt like me asking where it was going after 2 years of meeting once a month 😬
@JustMeAndMyBoy7 ай бұрын
While we’re going NC and hope that they miss us, I was wondering if should stay off Messenger (with others) so he doesn’t ‘see’ me there and take comfort in that, and therefore not miss me?? Does that make sense?
@fieryheadedgirl7 ай бұрын
Yes, I'd block him there if possible. He will probably derive comfort seeing you there. He needs to *feel* the fear and the LOSS of you. He needs to feel he can't have you. You've disappeared from his life.
@debbyvergoossen76107 ай бұрын
Had the best 2 months ever with an avoidant guy. He told me he had trauma, but I didn’t see it before. I’m an avoidant myself too, so we were taking things very slow in which I rejected him very much (he wanted to come over, I kept saying no). I think he felt so rejected that his feelings went away out of fear of rejection. Last weekend we spontanaously wanted to go on a hollyday. We were so happy that we were becoming more and more secure with eachother. And then… 1 day later. He ended it all. We have no contact now, but I feel awful. I started seeing him as my future boyfriend, my love for him grew every single day. He felt like he was losing himself loving me, so I’m giving him space now to find himself again. I just hope with whole my heart he will come back.
@hori63736 ай бұрын
Hey.. I’m in the same situation Let’s be strong and work on ourselves 💗 let life be Let things come, or not… Saying this to kinda persuade myself but I really hope he will come back to me as well..
@debbyvergoossen76106 ай бұрын
@@hori6373 I hope he will! For me he did come back, but he is still super anxious. We want to go for each other but it just doesn't feel the same. He is more reserved and I just feel when we're not together that he is doubting the situation. I want to go to therapy, but the waitinglists are so long...
@ijustneedmyself4 ай бұрын
In a similar boat... I made it clear where I stood. We both did. And yet here we are, I'm left in the dark. It's so hurtful even when I know it's not my fault/not about me.
@debbyvergoossen76104 ай бұрын
@@ijustneedmyself we are boyfriend and girlfriend now! 2 months later. It’s still a very very bumpy road, but he started therapy yesterday to face his fears of commitment. I know he wants to grow with me. Hopefully everything will be okay. Makes me realise I have a lot to learn aswell: letting go of control and being okay with whatever outcome and focus on myself and giving myself selflove❤️
@ijustneedmyself2 ай бұрын
Wishing you the absolute best!!
@mm-zn5hh7 ай бұрын
Thanks Charlie!! I really need to hear these words at this moment,,not because i dont know these things,but sometimes we need someone to remind us of what we know, and reassure us that we can overcome whatever we are going through...thanks Charlie,i really appreciate it.
@annnee68186 ай бұрын
I had a guy pull away after I asked "when will I see you again" after he asked to see me twice in three days and said "we'll text when our next date is". Anything can be too much... seems hard to imagine he just faked the attraction but you never know
@ChefKittycatYTCT4 ай бұрын
These videos get me with the title and then it's actually proper healing advice.. Thank you lol!!
@lizleclair4207 ай бұрын
You could also get some help on why you attracted a fearful avoidant. Haha. 🎉
@MiloSatori7 ай бұрын
The dating scene is disgusting nowadays, I don’t even bother to date, been in celibacy for two years. Modern women are awful.
@dannidazzle6 ай бұрын
Because modern men are worse.
@MiloSatori6 ай бұрын
@@dannidazzle Nah, you just choose bad men.
@dannidazzle6 ай бұрын
@MiloSatori wow your so clever....obviously why you have such luck finding a good woman yourself.
@MiloSatori6 ай бұрын
@@dannidazzle take a look at any mgtow videos and you’ll realize what I’m talking about. Anyways I’m not dating anyone here in USA.
@dannidazzle6 ай бұрын
No thanks but I appreciate the suggestion you should check out all the news stories about the passport Bros being scammed and stories of women getting a visa then leaving for the next best man have fun 😌
@cuteandfluffypikachu34057 ай бұрын
Does a guy ever forget his first true love 😊😊
@kimhunley37657 ай бұрын
i was with a paranoid schizophrenic / fearful avoidant i was always there for him i broke up with him after a year and 1/2 because he couldn't commitment i broke my own heart there and we were friends for 8 months and then we wrer dating agian in own words he was the one that said we dating and i got a text saying he coming to get his stuff and then he blocked me its been 7 months before the text he told me he will always have a soft spot in his heart for me and that i was always there when he really need me do think he will ever come back
@danilaroche11563 ай бұрын
Schizophrenic, avoidant, anxious..these are demons oppressing people. Jesus saves us from demons.
@HappygirlTX5 ай бұрын
Charlie you’re a genius
@lesw380315 күн бұрын
I hope not!
@inayulia21603 ай бұрын
Thanks Charlie for the video, it helps a lot, idk what im dealing with at the beginning until i saw your video. He said “this only 8 months, its not 2 or 3 years. You become this much suffering. Think if it gets longer?” My whole life started crumbling down from there. Anyway, its just a week. Im still bleeding inside, feeling all the emotions all at once. Sometimes wondering how if im not survive tomorrow. Still trembling and emotionally shaking.
@TheClumsyTinkerbell5 ай бұрын
What are the chances of him coming back if he was actually looking for partner & commitment however pulled away badly when I expressed my emotions for him intensely. He seemed to like me a lot however Suddenly he said he cannot risk attachment.
@ox-po3637 ай бұрын
It's a nice video, and so in time. Thank you! I love the name of the channel. Subscribed.
@Elmo914Ай бұрын
I don't know, unless she gets treatment and works on her emotions and have gratitude for me as a human being, I don't think I'll take her back. I love her, but this time I have to love myself more. I don't wanna feel unworthy anymore. I'm trying really hard to forgive because the way it ended it was so disrespectful, unless there is a miracle, I don't think she'll become the woman she could be.
@surgeonvicryl48723 ай бұрын
DAs dont regret and come back genuinely, they just love hovering..to test the waters again with you for a short time then leave at their convenience.
@TheFreakyable6 ай бұрын
I don't want the person who broke up with me back. I want the one I was in a relationship with. To me they seem like two separate people and I can't help but to be obsessed about blaming them
@healingwithcharlie6 ай бұрын
It’s a natural feeling to have after a breakup. It’s all part of grief and acceptance. In between there can be feelings of anger and disappointment. Let them pass through naturally as best you can, they’re healthy emotions to have
@TheFreakyable6 ай бұрын
@@healingwithcharlie Thank you for your kind response. I am just dealing with a lot of judgment towards myself because I think I should have moved on already (it‘s been exactly a year) and I am still hanging on to it. I do not want to judge or blame them anymore because it only hurts me. Anyway: This too shall pass ✨