an honest life update (I relapsed) 💔

[@xlkarma8446]

3 months semi sober with one relapse where I wanted to celebrate. Worst decision ever, I thought I was gonna die. I have high anxiety; cannabis/CBD edibles have been an amazing intervention. It relaxes me, I can function, and I have no desire to drink. When I think about wanting to drink I remember the insomnia, random cold sweats, low energy, impotence, cloudy judgement, weight gain, bad/reddening skin, odd body aches, injuries, bloodshot eyes, intestinal issues etc etc

[@octobernightmare]

I will be sober five years on May 28th. I have been considering drinking again during my vacation due to life stress. My vacation starts next week. This video may prevent me from relapsing. Thank you so much for posting this! Thanks for being real!

[@steve00alt70]

Ironically alcohol increases your stress with even more stress after you drink. So you will actually be more stressed than you did when you went on vacation.

[@dreamingoffall7694]

How did you do? I hope you’re doing ok!!

[@octobernightmare]

@@dreamingoffall7694 I did not drink. I will be seven years sober this May 28th. 🎃

[@stacyburton7199]

Don't do it !

[@onalightmission]

It won't be worth it to drink. Keep going!

[@carolinekuruvilla7192]

“Alcohol makes me suffer and I don’t deserve to suffer” - this!!!!! Thank you for sharing with us. You are so well-spoken and your insights are going to help people 💖

[@endlessnameless6494]

Remember, guys- if you drink, never drink and drive. And NEVER ride with a person who is drunk. Value your life and the lives of others on the road! Thanks.

[@timothyslaughter476]

Relapse is reality. Most people do not get sober their first attempt. This is absolutely not the time to give up. You've proved it can be done. Two years is wonderful. Figure out what happened and learn from it. Work a little harder this time. Sobriety is hard work. Face up to that but be stronger than the alcohol. Prayers and peace to you always

[@kelsymichelle7606]

I relapsed 4 days ago after 10& a half months of sobriety from alcohol and came across this video. I was also binging on adderall which I do believe lead me to my relapse. So now I’m 4 days 100% sober from everything and I just wanted to tell you that this video helped me a lot by just knowing I’m not alone. 💛

[@Seanscichlids]

How is it going now?

[@mikeodonnell6231]

Your comment is my slip and relapse story. As an addict I used my medication like that and your comment gives me hope and right sized . Stay strong and focus on the little wins in the day 🙏🏻

[@markg.4246]

Sobriety is achieved in the same way as becoming an elite athlete, or musician, or fill in the _____! The more we "PRACTICE" the better we get! All the best to you Stephanie! Mark 5/8/1994

[@wolfpower1111]

❤❤❤

[@mrnelsonius5631]

I’ve never seen your channel but it popped up. I’m 12 years sober. My first attempt at sobriety resulted in an eating disorder. I was a 6’1 man down to 121 lbs, my liver was messed up. My body was digesting its own heart tissue. I recovered from that and my crippling alcoholism. Many traumas have come my way in sobriety, some serious ones. I didn’t drink. What I can say is do NOT give up. The person you want to be is in there. Every day you don’t give in to the compulsion, you’re healing even if you can’t feel it. Do it long enough and eventually the obsession will leave. My experience, I have to be extremely careful with other drugs and medications. Even medications I’ve never been addicted to can awaken the craving, so I’m strict about it. Over time you’ll learn your body, your boundaries with this. I highly recommend 12 step programs. I still participate in meetings every week. I’ve been able to help other people and that helps me. Stay strong, a mistake can be a valuable lesson learned so keep trudging. You’re still alive so you’re doing alright

[@leslieheadley3736]

A relapse doesn’t take away ALL the days you had sober. It’s a blip on you’re journey. A great guide I found was “put the shovel down” here on you tube. Don’t give up!

[@jonnycola86]

According to AA your back to square one. That's really counter productive to tell someone that.

[@CelticSaint]

@@jonnycola86 Perhaps back to Step 1 but not to square one.

[@endlessnameless6494]

Remember, guys- if you drink, never drink and drive. And NEVER ride with a person who is drunk. Value your life and the lives of others on the road! Thanks.

[@leslieheadley3736]

@@jonnycola86 that’s why AA isn’t for everyone. With all do respect, negativity is counterproductive.

[@HaydenPettit-dx8dv]

I’m in the same boat. One is too many and a thousand is never enough.

[@culperjr.122]

100% accurate

[@mikeodonnell6231]

The program and the steps to God 🙏🏻.

[@cjsmith8319]

We are human and capable of error. Take what you learned from this relapse and use it going forward.

[@zerpy5]

I relapsed 4 days back after 3 years of being sober. I drank a couple of beers rode a bike and crashed it into a ditch and broke my feet. I got out of the hospital yesterday after surgery, and I'm not able to forgive myself for all the pain and suffering I've caused my family. No one will believe me from now on, 3 years of hard work and all the trust I gained, gone in a few hours. I hope no one has to ever go through what I'm going through right now. I just want to hug my mom and dad, and make them feel better. I just want to rewind time and go back to when I was just a little boy who knew nothing more than loving his mom and dad. I love you ma and pa, please forgive. Edit: I've been sober since, I adopted a dog and his name is Tony. He helped me throughout my journey so far. I hope you guys have a good life.

[@lucitamagana2795]

God forgives you. I understand your pain.

[@SydneyInTheSky]

Sending you all the love and grace, you are enough and able. You are still worthy of love and understanding 🧡

[@michhart4237]

I could have written this myself. Unfortunately my parents passed within 6 months of each other and 15 years later I still long to go back to being a child and start again without being a continual disappointment. Reality is our parents love us unconditionally like we love our kids and you can get back on track. Please don't give up, you did brilliant and you will again. Sending so much love. X

[@owen3655]

Is your fault you deserve it recover or die.

[@michhart4237]

@@owen3655 crawl back under your stone. Nothing nice to say, keep it shut, sad little man.

[@mistyjomay6272]

I just relapsed after 16 months of sobriety and I feel really bad about it. Thanks for making this video it definitely is helping me feel a little better.

[@jason19801980]

you can do this!!! dont give up!!

[@mistyjomay6272]

@jason19801980 Back to almost 6 months already ❤️

[@jason19801980]

@@mistyjomay6272 way to go!!! rooting for you....

[@whahasssupp]

remember not to get down bc you have an “addictive personality” these are highly addictive substances. sending love and light ♥️

[@don8498]

Marilyn Monroe ~” If you can’t handle me at my worst than you don’t deserve me at my best. “ Bless you and your sobriety. I have a lot of respect for someone trying to help others and not acting Perfect while they do. Very down to earth and very humble! Your parents should be proud. They raised you well.

[@ko1491]

Healing is rarely linear. I think it's so important to remember that you're not back at zero. Those two years of sobriety (and the other stuff that comes with that like coping mechanisms, better habit building etc.) are still yours. Your plan moving forward is so important too; sometimes it can be so hard to get back on that horse. Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. Keep going--YOU got this!

[@edmiller8321]

Be proud of the two years and that you are getting back on track. We are not perfect!

[@abbypierce4196]

I find it SO admirable when someone deals with relapse. It may happen again, but its OKAY. You are HUMAN. What matters is that you are sober now. 💛 I believe I’ve read research that said after huge milestones our brain can sometimes subconsciously be like “Okay! Now I can try again.” It’s not a linear journey. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. 👏🏻 I had to take a hard look at my relationship with alcohol after the pandemic. Day drinking became so normalized when we transitioned back into normal life it felt like I needed it. It was definitely a crutch for my anxiety.

[@heathermitchell2711]

You are helping all kinds of people on a wide spectrum who are deciding to really look at their relationship with alcohol. Even though you went through this relapse, it doesn't undo all the service that you have given us. In fact, because of the way you dealt with this, the opposite is true. Thank you for keeping it real. Honesty (especially with ourselves) is freedom. You have helped me. Thank you.

[@ianprice4026]

Three weeks ago after an absolutely mortifying and terrible blackout I decided to quit drinking (again). Your video about letting go of guilt and shame really encouraged me. I even shared it with some people close to me. I know how hard it is to get back on track. I had 2 1/2 years of sobriety and then blew it. You don’t half to make the same mistake I did. It’s just a small bump in the road. All that progress made in the last couple years is not negated. In a short while this will be behind you. And you can use it to encourage other people that slip up as well.

[@alexanderespinoza6753]

I have 2 months sober and my life has radically changed in a positive way,

[@Seanscichlids]

How is it going now?

[@helenjudy3512]

you are still sober regardless of one bad night. the highs outweigh the lows and do not discredit the journey you have been only od 2 years due to one bad night

[@gundjamie]

I appreciate your honesty! I have been there, and there are still times when I think about drinking. This does not diminish your progress. It is a learning curve and apart of your journey.

[@mountiescorner]

Relapse is possible part of the progress. Count your wins, it’s still a win. You went 2 years sober, and you’re winning by getting back on the horse. You got this 🙏 I’m 2 weeks sober today, thanks for your inspiration, honesty and vulnerability

[@KaylinJohnson-ew2is]

I relapsed after 7 years sober and im worse than i was before. I dont know why im doing this to myself. Its like i feel like i deserve to suffer😭

[@BarneyR2]

I have been sober from alcohol for 23 years. And I am the same, in that if I even had one drink, my brain would still remember like it was yesterday. The brain creates pathways and remembers experiences for future events. For some people like us, it just does that better. I relapsed many times over months before I finally had my last drink in April 2000. What helped me to stay on track was I didn't like having to start counting the days since my last drink. I felt like I was beginning all over again. I had to get used to what it felt like with no alcohol in my body and for many months after my last drink it felt strange. Even now If I go into a bar which is rarely I can smell the strong alcohol and it tries to call me back. Its been long enough now that my body and mind have accepted my life without alcohol and so it sees no point in producing overwhelming cravings or thoughts to drink. But it has taken years to get my brain and body to that point. But I still don't let my guard down. The disease of addiction is in the way that creators of such products have literally hijacked our brains to keep us in consumption. I didn't take pills after I stopped drinking but I did drink a lot of coke, which after a while affected my heart. Today along with no alcohol I also have no caffeine and I was eventually able to stop taking my heart medications and at 56 years of age, my body and mind are in a better place today. So it is possible to recover, and it helps understanding how your unique body reacts to all substanes. Its no accident that the pharmacutical industry creates addictive products in the form of pills and the same goes for the food industry. They have made it socially acceptable to consume that stuff in quantities that our brains and bodies are not adapted to. They know what the stuff does to us, we can only win against them if we don't consume their products at all.

[@DBASSDAN]

11 years, 10 months and 19 days sober here. Your 2 years of hard work has not gone to waste. You've learnt how to be sober, not drink and live life. Take comfort and confidence out of that. Stay strong, it's worth it ❤️

[@scottjackson163]

I’m 2 1/2 years sober. This is a scary video for me. I don’t want to drink again, but your experience is a reminder that I could still - and always - go back. 😢

[@brendamoote7304]

I am 60 years old and have lived a life on lived. This is due to CPTSD,BPTSD and extreme panic attacks.. I tried to get help it didn’t work. I’ve been addicted and abused by more people and Abused, more substances, than I cared to think about. All in order to try and live my life to what everyone else’s perception was, and even mine at times .Even now I’ve been trying ways to get off a certain medication. I wish somebody would have told me this but I’m going to tell you after everything I’ve researched I feel cognitive therapy learning why you feel the way you do and act the way you do along with low low doses of lithium, no more than 5-10 mg. Which has been used for years to stabilize the mood receptors in your brain, but talk to a doctor, a good Neuropsychologist, It may take a bit but at least you will be able to start living your life With purpose. a life un lived is so tragic. It is human to error, so dust yourself off and look into what I told you about and start living your life. LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH PEOPLE AND WAYS THAT ARE SINCERE Sincerely, Brenda.❤

[@nauticalnicole05]

Proud of you for sharing. This is helping me a lot, currently 1.5 years into sobriety and been watching you since the beginning. I’m young too and sometimes it’s really hard to not feel like I’m missing out. Hopefully soon I’ll have the courage to attend one of your meetings because they seem so helpful. I’m proud of your progress and thank you again for sharing during these vulnerable times💜

[@Claudia-zs8ny]

You should join the meetings! The group is really nice and you don’t have to talk or have the camera on

[@travelmaker9405]

I had my sugar and UP food relapse last week, it took my week to at least go back to track and I really found comfort in this video, thank you. I got from you, that I did not prioritise myself and that probably has been root of the issue.... thank you for sharing your experience

[@michhart4237]

I didn't drink until redundancy November 2020 due to covid19. I now wake up wanting a drink and drink all day if I can. I think I'm classed as a functioning alcoholic. I've had past bad experiences of loss and I think all the extra time not working has impacted everything. I totally get you and send my love.

[@karaboBenson]

I am on same boat, started drinking because of boredom being stuck at home and it started as a fun thing to do but now it addictive. I drink in secretive during the day, while I work from home and have gained 30 pounds. I am so afraid that I will fuck up my life, so I am trying to stop. I went to see my dr to help me deal with my anxiety and help me with chemical imbalances from alcohol and he gave me prescription of Naltrexone. So far today it’s day 4 and no alcohol. But I am hoping to start AA meetings too…

[@abbyswaringam3386]

You inspired me to go sober back in August of 2021. I recently have also felt that feeling of "oh this is easy now!" And have been in that feeling of oh maybe I'm better now. But seeing your experience with this relapse, I'm convinced now that trying drinking out again isn't worth it. Thank you soooo much for sharing this. I know it is really vulnerable but this helped me so much.

[@candacenavarra4256]

Keep goin sis! Relapses happen. We are human not robots! Sending you strong vibes!

[@ryantoledocosta]

Nothing lasts forever and you’ll be alright! There are so many of us trying our hardest to stay sober, and we can together cheer each other up. For me it is bulimia, I’ve been battling this ED for over a decade, got sober during an entire year when I was 14, then relapsed and now at 19 I relapsed after four months sober, I refuse to give up, and I try as much as I can to get better. We’re all struggling. I want you to know that I hear you, I understand you and I give you all my support for you to get better. Stay strong, it’ll pass soon! ❤️

[@FintyLovatt]

I also struggled with bulimia for around 2 years and although I have been in recovery for 2.5 years every day is a struggle and mentally I don’t think anyone can fully recover.

[@LaurenFrey]

i appreciate your vulnerability! keep going you’re so strong. I’m 28 days today and I’m happy to have found your sobriety journey here on youtube. you’re still an inspiration relapse or not

[@maliollyoxenfree1820]

Thank you so much for your honesty. I truly am grateful that I found your channel. I'm 112 days sober today. I'm excited for you to stack the days back up. And it's also so important for you to be proud of the two years.

[@Maya-mk1cp]

You are amazing Steph! You have inspired me since I discovered your videos. Thank you so much for posting this. What helps me in these situations is this: Slip ups are not failures, they are “data points” on the larger picture of the sobriety journey, events you learn from and that only strengthen your reasoning and desire to stay sober. Proud of you.

[@jessipfeifer6011]

The decision to make this video must have been tough and I just want you to remember we appreciate you. Thank you for being honest and open, especially when you don’t have to be.

[@naomig17]

Hey Steph! ❤️ The timing of your upload for this video is so eerie (in the best way) as it pertains to my own life. I, too, relapsed in (binge) drinking last week and have been grappling with the painful aftermath ever since and into this week. I must be honest, it is rare for me to feel affected enough by a video to take the time to comment but I’ve been thinking about commenting on one of your videos for a while now, so that I can wholeheartedly express my appreciation for you and your content. I think this upload and its relevance has given me the emotional spur to finally do so. My procrastination on this comment honestly owes to two things: (1) my fear of my public comment “exposing” me and my alcohol abuse and (2) more importantly, my desire of wanting to write something that could thoroughly and properly express my deep gratitude for you. For the former, I am slowly growing more comfortable with taking ownership of my problem and being more open about my struggle, and you definitely have inspired much of this courage. For so long, I let my issue fester in the darkness, so terrified of other people’s judgment and condemnation of what I already knew was a real problem that I needed to address. I truly believe that being honest and willing to talk about it with more people helps to build accountability and support - two of the most crucial ingredients for long-term sobriety, to which I’m sure you’d agree! Thanks to you, I have opened up to some people in my life about the full extent of my drinking problem, people that I never thought I would have the courage to confront on this topic. I’m not quite where you are yet, but I hope that someday I can share my story as openly as you have in order to help young people in the way you have helped me. This beautifully segues into my second reason for putting off my comment for you. I came across your channel a while ago shortly after you uploaded your first video in 2020 and I have been keeping up with your content ever since. I have never come across someone my own age (I am 24) whose experiences and thought processes surrounding alcohol have paralleled my own so closely. Watching your first video was so immensely comforting, and all of your videos on sobriety after that have been equally inspiring. I think about you often in my own recovery. As for this recent blip in your sobriety, I compassionately stand in solidarity with you in your relapse and I am very glad it wasn’t worse for you than what it was. Even though the return of your previous alcohol-related thought patterns and attitudes was so disheartening, I imagine you are able to take this relapse as a visceral and reassuring reminder that abandoning the drug altogether was a worthwhile decision and continues to be so even after 2 years! I am wishing you an enlightened and empowered return to your own sobriety journey. Your honesty is SO admirable! Thank you, Steph. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being so vulnerable, so brave and so inspiring. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Love, Naomi

[@dannnnnayy]

So you literally described me and my patterns perfectly...down to the substance. You are not alone. I am on naltrexone as an aid now to get back on track because I felt I couldn't do it without an extra push. Keep going girl. You inspire me!

[@RalfyCustoms]

Hi, just stumbled upon this, I have no idea where you are at now on your journey, but hope you are doing well I was 8 years clean and dry when I lasped, then I spent a year drunk, and now I am happily sober for over a year, keep on keeping on hun

[@SLBStyle]

I’ve been on and off drinking for years and I can honestly say that the best evening or events have come from not drinking but the social anxiety from certain people/events/unexpected things happening like our dog dying has made me give in to pressure and drink and it’s the personal guilt that makes it so hard to deal with. It’s a blip and to see that you understand this and know what the reason was is absolutely incredible. A lot of people don’t have this perspective as they haven’t ever been sober for a substantial period of time. Most people I know don’t even see how alcohol is effectively damaging their body, mental health, spiritual health and everything in life. Your a rockstar and don’t forget that xxx 😊😊😊😊 I currently don’t drink and have any intention of drinking ever again, but if it happens seeing this video makes me realise we are all only human. Xx 💋

[@brendangallagher5336]

It never gets better, Every time we drink we pick right back up where we left off. I relapsed once in my sobriety also and it was off to the races. Like step 1 says, we truly are powerless to this disease.

[@pickelbarrelofficial1256]

I'm writing this here because I haven't had the courage to tell anyone I actually know but I relapsed two days ago. I've realised my biggest trigger is dating. I get nervous, and everyones default date idea is "a drink". I drank about 5 or 6 beers which for some people isn't loads but for me was definitely enough to be enough of a drunken idiot. Dating sober is really hard and I cracked. Got one of those hangovers that lasts beyond the day after...not so physical, just really tired, brain foggy, a bit depressed, a bit wracked with guilt and shame. Thanks for being honest with yours, it'll hopefully help me to build up the courage to be honest with mine.

[@courtneymiszczak6413]

I’ve always been disciplined but the older I get the more I lose myself in my desires, then I struggle with shame, and then I think I’m not worth any effort. It’s a crazy cycle but videos like this help me see that I’m not alone.

[@rohitguha27]

2 years is incredible . You should be proud . Relapses should be considered as nothing but minor speedbumps if at all someone does tend to relapse. And it’s very normal as well. Drowning in guilt and fixating tooo much on it pulls you into a negative spiral. Just keep moving forward. Remember if you’re moving 100 steps forward n one step back it’s okay .good luck . I too am in sober mode n will complete a month soon

[@zoeashdown6802]

im proud of you. i'm 22 and I've been sober for almost 40 days and it has been so hard, the cravings are real. don't hold yourself to too much shame and regret, your progress is still there and still admirable. i know you have your own meetings but hosting everything and trying to solve everything yourself can be so stressful. i recommend AA, you meet like-minded sober people who are also actively trying. i thought it would be many old people and unrelatable but it was the opposite. being in California I'm sure you can find many AA meeting for young people and other people who may share similar experiences. You will get through this. I feel like now things are getting better but you have inspired me to keep away from alcohol each day going forward. you got this and I'm here if you need anything.

[@sirtoneyd3138]

I'm also an addict who is a member of a 12 step fellowship with multiple relapses so I totally relate. Well articulated. My anxiety & depression got crazy bad because of meth, even after quitting. Been clean 7 months now but all we really have is today. I'm not 7 months away, and you weren't 2 years away.. we're always only one bad decision away from picking up. I'm on anti anxiety & depression medication now and it really helps. Better that than dope. Told my primary doctor about my past and they recommended I try a low dose prescription ( non- narcotic)..I don't regret it. Thanks for sharing.

[@juliehooper2350]

I'm so glad I found you! ❤ We are never alone, and we have so much in common with each other. I will consider this page my source of strength, encouragement, and hope. Sober coming on for 4 years, and clean for about 2 years. Thank you for your honesty and accessibility. Wishing you well x

[@Bricklinsv1970]

I haven't had alcohol for 9 weeks and its tough I almost grabbed a beer tonight. This video popped up on my computer screen for some reason and this helped.

[@becky6059]

Sending so much love - PLEASE don’t give yourself a hard time (easier said then done I know!) I’ve recently relapsed, after about 6 months of not drinking I drank several times to the point of black out. Whilst drunk, I text and met up with all my party friends so they aren’t taking my sobriety seriously anymore. It’s hard. You are not the problem, alcohol is. It is an addictive poison and you are so so strong for all the wonderful progress you have made and for making a community of young people that don’t want to hurt themselves anymore. Please take a nice relaxing vacation if you can! Somewhere quiet where you can REST. You’ve got this, thank you for your honesty as always ❤️❤️

[@ryanrosenberger8789]

Man, good on you for realizing that you haven't lost all your progress that you made. You still have those 2 years; you drank once. One drink in two years. That's still mighty impressive. You're so far from being back to square one. At the other side of the spectrum, in fact. Best wishes to you!

[@davidray2725]

Thanks for sharing - I just relapsed two days ago, your posting has helped tremensously.

[@mnewt712]

Hang in there! Progress not perfection. You’re not alone. I relapsed after 10 years without a drink. I’m hanging in there, myself.

[@Alan_M_Stats]

Bro relapsing sucks. I went 3 months sober and boom, just needed one friend to say " wanna get a beer tonight for the game?" and there it went. It sucks but definitely would rather spend more Sundays up early at the gym than in bed regretting things about last night. Thanks for sharing and you are indeed a leader/inspiration.

[@slimpickinns]

A bump in the road. Don’t beat yourself up. If you do…use a feather. Get back up and start again. It’s a process only you can do. I relapsed 19 times and went through numerous programs etc, until it was my time to say, “I give in. “. It’s not easy but it is rewarding. Just be completely transparent with yourself and best of luck.

[@m.czandogg9576]

That "use a feather" part really hit me. Thank you so much

[@archangel_josh]

I'm 13 months sober and this video was really inspiring to watch. Sobriety has been so easy for me, I'm very lucky, but I'm always vigilant and watching myself to see if any cravings creep in (they haven't so far). I never want to be arrogant about being sober. I know that if I started drinking it would be like the past 13 months never happened and I'd be straight back to how I used to drink before. I would most likely be so demoralised that I would keep drinking to be honest. AND if I miraculously get back on the wagon again I'm not guaranteed to have the easy ride I've had so far. I would probably be a dry drunk, being really bitter that I gave up on my sobriety and that I threw it away and living with non stop cravings. So no matter what I never fool myself into thinking I can drink again. This video is a warning for me. Thank you. x

[@adambrady7742]

It’s ok, we all mess up, it’s about getting back up, dusting yourself off, learning, and continuing the journey. Best of luck stranger.

[@dennisbusch5889]

Take comfort, you're not alone in this. I'm 37 days sober. Anything can happen in my sobriety but knowing I've gone that long without a drink; and if I did relapse that shows me. I have the strength, willpower and be proud I went that long without alcohol. Before I gave up, I was drinking everyday and it was difficult. I've stopped but always persuade myself I can control and try again. Once I drink I can't stop. Just gotta take the punches and move on. I'm doing this for me and no one else.

[@passthatcouture]

I am so proud you for being honest about your journey. sobriety is a moment to moment choice. I also have a lot of addictive tendencies and quit drinking for the fist time before I turned 21. my life is so much better without alcohol and I have to remember that no matter what. We deserve to be happy with a clear mind!!

[@lisaking3050]

“Especially when it’s hard and even when it’s easy” damn I needed that thank you Steph 💐

[@tygyrlylly8079]

You are stronger for sharing. Thank you and NEVER give up! One relapse does not undo everything you've achieved to this point, that is a dangerous mindset! Hope this was a great learning experience for you.

[@Tucxy]

Damn I'm really sorry to hear that, that's positive you didn't continue to drink. I know being a presence online can be perceived in a variety of ways by others, but I find it brave that you put yourself out there like this, much respect. Relapses and slips after actually being in recovery are fucking devastating in my experience. I'm an alcoholic and I found your channel when I was 21 and 4 months sober last summer, I was working AA as a junior in college living in a new sober house following a relapse 2 months out of rehab that got me kicked out of my first sober house. I felt a little weird cause I'm a dude, but I didn't have any sober peers that were in college and I felt isolated because there isn't much out content out there from students in recovery on youtube. I'm still sober today, out of the sober house, graduating college this fall, and your content has been a positive influence throughout my journey! Thanks for being willing to put your story out here and helping us learn from your journey, I look forward to continuing to watch your videos as I move on in life

[@greatorontocanada]

I didnt drink for over 3 years, and after my husband died, I got back to drinking and was terribly worse, I totally understand you, but the important here is to keep going, will be ups and downs but never give up is important, God bless you!!! thank you for your honesty

[@SherryBaby2003]

Love and Prayers from someone who knows - been battling addiction my whole life ! At one time I had about 20 years under my belt. But like you said everything I gained still remains with me🙏🏽🕊️🙏🏽never too late to restart! The unfailing love and mercy of God is always there! Recovery is a gift ~~ feeding the disease is destruction !

[@joeyboes7771]

No worries you got this! I think so often in AA or NA we focus on the time we’ve built up instead of just how our life has changed and the fact that we are willing to change

[@ONEBlueBook1111]

So true! And so many beautiful things abt the 12 step programs! But the emphasis on time can be so guilt inducing. I had 8 years and relapsed last week.

[@hannahwalsh5495]

Thank you for this ❤️ I relate so much to the moment of thinking everything through, and STILL doing it anyways. Alcoholism is insanity. This video helped me just as much (if not more) than all your other ones! :)

[@mamamamam1066]

it's really important that you made this video-thank you. So brave.

[@reijajantti9508]

Dearest Steph , you did not fail, you had a Human Moment. Love you lots now and always.

[@scottronayne]

Thanks for posting this. I’m planning a trip to Europe and I needed a reminder of my life drinking. It lead me to a very bad place. It hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows in sobriety. After listening to your experience strength and hope I heard so much of my story. Thanks again for sharing. One day at a time

[@AkS143joyful]

Thank you for sending this to all of us!!! Because I can never go back. 100 days in, in 4 days I would go right back to my old self. If you need to hear this… this video helps all of us know to not ever pick it up! Thank you

[@Thedesertguy75]

The mind never forgets. One drink and I light up like a Christmas tree...it's the hardest substance I've ever stopped long term. It's so attached to social events and I love social events. Your graph is really insightful and I think what isn't mentioned alot for newcomers. The recovery for adjustment is a long one. A year sometimes 2 years depending on the person. So I think that becomes daunting.... alcohol had such a grip on my mind and body, I thought I was hopeless....😢😢. I knew a guy who had 17 years and relapsed. It's tough and an everyday battle. We're all just human in the end.

[@lq4657]

You know what? You had a learning epiphany! Awesome! So happy for you! You learned something about yourself! Amazing gift you were handed on that day! Use it well. You are still a sober, and you took one for the team. Face it, young lady...you are a teacher, and sacrifice is part of that. You just showed me to never, ever, ever think it's okay to have 'that one'. Do you realize how much I, and others, needed to hear this from you? Thank you! And again, thank you!!!!

[@martyluckhurst6290]

It takes us straight back to where we were. You are insightful. Well done for just having one and not letting it get out of control. I relapsed after 8 months and spent 8 days on a bender and then another 2 weeks because I couldn’t stay stopped. It’s painful feeling emotions and knowing how to deal with them but far better than the pain of drinking

[@BadBeech]

As a recovering opiate addict, I believe alcohol is the most difficult addiction to overcome. Alcohol is everywhere, it is celebrated, you can’t go to a restaurant, to get gas, sports events, anywhere that doesn’t have alcohol. If I had to have my drug of choice in my face every single day, I’d never have gotten sober. Keep fighting the good fight! It’s absolutely worth it. I currently am doing psyilicibin therapy, and it has changed my life. I hear amazing things about using it to aid in alcohol recovery. Good luck!

[@rickvoigt8720]

Thank you for sharing. I'm on day 5 and this vid really helps to get through the rough patch that you experienced which I will probably experience over the next few months. I'm glad you published this, and hope you do another one a year after your relapse. Stay strong!

[@CruceEntertainment]

I think it helps to have a reason to be sober. You want to look good. You want to feel good. You want to be at your best. You cannot do that or achieve that if you drink, or if you are drunk. The idea of being sober is a little scary sometimes, but just think how much more you can accomplish if you are sober, how much easier it will be to wake up in the morning, how many more people you can connect with and relate with. How much wealthier you could be! The list goes on and on.

[@CoopDogg18]

Thanks for sharing your story it helps me and so many other people!

[@stephmstill]

I'm so glad :)

[@jimestrem6010]

I quit smoking one day at a time, I couldn't handle saying never again. Anyway I haven't had a cigarette in 23 years. So one day at a time works !

[@stephaniecroft6275]

You are a strong and beautiful person and you being honest and open with yourself is the most important thing. Sharing this with us is courageous and we, as a community, are so lucky to have you. This too shall pass. This will just be a moment in the past and you have STILL accomplished so much. How you are handling the relapse is progress. I think of you when I want to drink and you help me so much to continue putting my health first. You have also made progress for me :) Thank you for everything. 💕

[@joannaschwartz7709]

I'm sorry this happened for you. That's totally cool, keep on the trying to make the right decision with every new day. You are an inspiration to me. Thank you so much for making yourself vulnerable and sharing your story.

[@RF1972.]

Thank you for your video and your transparency. My son did not make it...please see yourself as worthy.. get better. ... please help others that struggle ❤

[@sandysouthward3635]

Thank you for your insight. Your story is saving so many people!! You are one brave girl!! Keep coming back. It works when you work it!! One day at a time.❤

[@briankauffman7261]

Hey Steph, I finally had a chance to watch your vid just now. Thank you for sharing. To your point, mentors are so important. Besides our wonderful meetings, I couldn't have made it without my therapist, and several other mentors who helped me stay on track throughout my journey - to finish college alcohol-free. They just get it. Especially when they're the same gender and have gone through similar experiences you're currently going through. I know you'll find a good one if you're able to start reaching out more. Also, we appreciate your authenticity. No expectations, just love. You got this. See you soon.♥

[@michellelidinsky5773]

Honey you've got it going on! I am so proud of you. Keep it up sweetie!

[@a090006]

Very brave to make this video .Sober October is coming up and I start today after weeks of heavy drinking . Always starting from one glass of chardonay , drinking two bottles then buying strong tripel beer after .Not knowing how I went to bed and find a real mess in the kitchen the day after from food preparing ! no energy then and I really want to change this !Thank you for the effort and time you put in these vulnerable video! Many greetings

[@michaeldeel1592]

I relapsed the other day too, it will be okay. You have to bounce back. Don't let it consume you.

[@NiteOwl471]

You're ability and willingness to "lay it all out there" is so very commendable of you. I have nothing but the highest respect for your candor and honesty. You already got this beat only because you know the tools available to you to WIN. Bless you my Dear.

[@LucieBeatrix]

wow i have such a similar story. relapsed after 2.5+ years. but got back on and have 8+ months back.

[@keithpilkington907]

Thanks for sharing your not alone I relapsed after 6 months same as you I thought it will be okay as you no you can't much ❤️ well done

[@JJ-eb8eu]

Thank you for sharing your story stephanie, i did 10yrs sobriety in AA & drank again. Its been a battle ever since, i just can't get the months together without picking up, its a daily mental battle that nobody understands unless there an alcoholic. Im currently on day 4, now age 49, its affecting me in my health as it never seemed to when younger. Im currently on a medication that if i drink il be ill. Wouldn't wish this disease/ illness/ Gene whatever it is on anyone. Its torture. Good luck darling.xx

[@whatsleft100]

So many binge /addictions are linked to undiagnosed ADHD, (not every addict) but some research is suggesting about 50% I feel we should be screening in Accident and Emergency units, could help people sooner. interesting that you secretly took Adderal, hope things are on the up for you now ,thankyou for sharing your story.

[@00loudog]

Was sober for almost 5 weeks and relapsed for one day am now day 4 now been an addict since I was 15 am 32 now

[@easternsunguitarist5791]

I'm grateful i found this video a year later. Im 6 months of sobriety after 7 years of relapses and I had some cravings a few days ago and I don't want to run away from figuring out what triggered it. I'm grateful i haven't drunk but its always one day at a time. Thank for this... its a good reminder.. I know if i drink right now.. ill start drinking like i never started. I won't be able to live a normal healthy life. Thank you

[@warriorrose1982]

You are a warrior . Love you girl . Bank you for being so honest . I relapsed yesterday after so much progress and 3 months sober . But I woke up today not hating myself but with the will to keep going and make today the start of a new journey : ❤ you will overcome !! Listen to him rohn his words of wisdom are life changing . ❤❤❤❤ keep fighting !!!

[@fadrian98]

2:23 "My addictive transcends everything" Wow! Same here. I thought that I could just be free from one bad habit in my life but that's further from the truth especially for people like us with addictive personalities. As a person with an addictive personality, I need to be sober. I can't moderate it at all. I need to abstain from PMO all together or else I'm in a rut. Those are the biggest things that have brought the MOST harm in my life (drinking and PMO). Today, I am 1 year and 4 months sober and 3 weeks PMO-free. Life is better this way.

[@MelaninQueen93]

Ugh the keeping your self busy to numb is me ! I think vacation left me not busy and I gave in !

[@imdva]

addiction will always be inside of you. even after 10 years you might still have a struggle, you will never not get an urge to drink after the first sip. but im incredibly proud of your courage to stand here and own up to your faults. the best thing you can do for yourself is to just continue forward, because the past cannot be changed. i truly wish the best for you and the rest of your journey and PLEASE know that as much as you would want to even in the future, drinking will never be normal for you. all said with love, i hope to see you prosper

[@ShellyCrossland]

Thank you for your honesty, bravery, and leadership that helps so many of us working on recovery and sobriety. You are an inspiration