Anger and Complex Trauma - Part 8/11 - Abuse

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Understanding abuse and why we can become so used to it.
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[@oilselevated4808]

When his cancer spread, my husband of 33 years decided it was a good time to “come clean”. He told our family that he’s been in a transactionship with side trash in another city. I don’t wish harm on anyone, but I say may she get what she deserves. I took care of him during what turned out to be his last four months, and it was the most painful experience in my life because I hated him at that point. Betrayed by the person I trusted the most for my entire adult life. I had to mourn the marriage, mourn the death. It’s amazing to be able to look back and only now see all the abuses. Insults disguised as jokes. Lies, deceptions, public humiliation. Decades. It’s coming up on 2 years and I’m finally doing better. I’ve worked really hard, found a great therapist and feel in control of my life now, minus all the chaos. I’m grateful every day that I made it out of the psychological prison and I’m totally at peace now. Your lectures are wonderful, thank you

[@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

This gives me a new meaning to my marriage-I’ve been “sleeping with the enemy.” He never wanted me well or loved me. He only wanted to have the benefits of my service and someone to rage his bad childhood on.

[@Ruby-wise]

You’re vocalizing my life story. The first person to perfectly ..express what I’ve never been able to. Thank you, Tim.

[@reginaldadonis3525]

Dont know if you guys gives a damn but if you're stoned like me during the covid times you can stream pretty much all the new series on instaflixxer. I've been streaming with my brother for the last few weeks :)

[@alexliam9786]

@Reginald Adonis definitely, I have been using instaflixxer for years myself :)

[@michaeljefferson5737]

@Reginald Adonis Definitely, I've been watching on InstaFlixxer for months myself :)

[@sarahalderman3126]

@@reginaldadonis3525what’s instaflixxer?

[@TheBillaro]

same

[@CommDao]

Being angry at God is something I wish more Christians could discuss with this kind of grace and tact.

[@dnk4559]

Wow, I could cry. I have been working through so much of this in therapy but to hear a Christian pastor describe almost identical experiences with my family. (Made the highest score at drill team tryouts, my Dad knew it was my dream to be a dance instructor, he made me quit when I told him about my high score) Siblings denied the abuse of my father and my ex-husband, blaming me for their behavior and/or suggesting I was negative and making things up. I’m finally facing in my fifties how painful the family scapegoating has been. I do believe I will be dancing in heaven for eternity and my current husband and I dance salsa, west coast swing and two step. God has made a way out of the family system and I am so very grateful!

[@TheBillaro]

keep dancing!!!! thats the true victory.

[@forgiven5919]

God is so good isnt he? He wants us to be happy, and I didnt get that from my earthly father either. Keep dancing ❤

[@RootBound505]

God is so good? BS

[@godzillamanstreb524]

You did it!🎉

[@annasupyo]

good for you. blessed to hear you and your current husband dance salsa

[@leeboriack8054]

The worst abuse is when the victim is too embarrassed or ashamed to speak of it for fear people won’t believe you and think you’re lying or you are a fool for not simply leaving.

[@user-bn2st5kx8h]

Yea that's the worse abuse and what always bothered me since childhood when ppl accused the victims often for nothing else except being victimized

[@thirstonhowellthebirdandfriend]

This is how it was in my family. We were from a well off family and when you’re from that kind of a family in an area where everybody knows everybody and the abusers are prominent, who is going to believe the child that they have already deemed as a troublemaker and crazy. That’s what these toxic family abusers do. They from the jump, tell all their neighbors and friends that this one particular child or maybe all of the children are difficult and that the child lies and they do this and they do that all as a preemptive strike in case the child, an innocent truth teller goes out to talk about the fact that they are getting the shit beat out of them at home or the parents are alcoholics or they are fighting all the time etc …these types of parents and families will do anything to protect their image. So not only are you being abused as a child by your own family members but then you get made fun of by the kids at school who don’t believe you and whose parents, the friends of your parents are telling the kids you’re a liar and not to believe you because your own parents have slandered you to their friends who then tell their children, your friends not to believe a word you say. This is just flat out evil. It’s demonic. How could someone do that to their own family member.

[@marthawhite3353]

Abusive jobs, very similar dynamics because we have to work to survive. Thank you for these wonderful videos, your truth is very healing.

[@neasahayes6044]

Bullying in workplaces is now the norm. It's particularly prevalent in environments with a female workforce. Relational aggression mainly but it's still very damaging to the target, as it's intended to be of course.

[@user-bn2st5kx8h]

​@@neasahayes6044I think she ment the work environment overall

[@briannawaldorf8485]

I find jobs to be the most triggering for this becsuse of the power dynamics.

[@haliec496]

I vividly remember telling myself. "It doesn't matter if I die because If i leave i will die & if i stay i will die". I felt like all hope was lost so nothing to luve for. Thankfully my friends and family supported me to get away.

[@winnifredcox]

I am so happy i found you. Now i finally know what is wrong with me. I am 56 now...i wish i knew all this when i was younger. I watched all your episodes so far and I will continue to do so... So grateful...Thank you so much! There is still hope for me...i know now!🙏

[@grettamaeB]

Sending positive energy and love your way ❤ you got this

[@saskiakarels4184]

Same here 🙃🙏🧩💕🍀so easy to free myself now, let's jump for joy! Heavenly Love and Joy sticks, let's pass it on, it's so ❤❤❤ contageous!

[@pamelahowell6064]

I am right there with you

[@saskiakarels4184]

@@pamelahowell6064 so thrilled to read this, love all the way from the Netherlands ✌️❤️🧩

[@carole9409]

Thank You Tim❤ 66yrs. Best Trauma Information!

[@sammyspaniel6054]

Not only is the information life changing but delivery makes it very graspable.

[@IrinaTrustsGod]

Thank you Tim for being a voice for those who cannot speak.

[@No.1BlennyLover]

We become prisoners of ourselves. Very haunting but so accurate

[@user-fs2zf1in1o]

This deserves way more likes

[@sarahalderman3126]

Wow. Speaking about sexual and physical abuse here was literally describing my entire life. So many feelings, so many things that I could not understand. I am finding that I almost intuitively understood this but could not rationalize it due to loyalty to my family. Two things can be true at once. Most importantly I am finding that I can not dwell on the abuse, the lack of control. I must fight the victim mentality. Focus on what I can control, my own actions, my own thoughts.

[@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

The thing about being coercive controlled that it takes away your autonomy!! A mindblower!!! I have beaten myself up for not functioning on my own. I have now found grace for myself because I know now that I wasn't allowed to have autonomy in any of my relationships or childhood so no wonder it is hard to learn to function on my own. I didn't know what coercive control was but now I do!! I am reclaiming my power back!!❤💪

[@iw9338]

Wow, this is an eye opener. I didn't realize the family system programmed to be small & not to have needa. Thanks Tim, Blessings to you and your family.

[@LynnRank]

Damn, Tim this was my parents and me...prisoner of myself, yes. Even 40 years of therapy barely works.

[@LynnRank]

❤ Tim you know all this stuff!!!

[@Curiamacabre]

Has this man been watching me my whole life?? Is he un my brain?? Amazing how accurate this all is

[@paradiseacres9724]

So very accurate. I felt so alone in the midst of the cycle in my life, but we aren't alone. Sadly, there are many of us living like he described in this video.

[@kathpercy7941]

Your description is vocalising my 30 year abusive marriage and my horrendous childhood trauma I didn’t know what this all was and how I was so small and insignificant in this world to just try to survive this needs to be in the educational system to teach children what is unacceptable and support to help them through this it needs to end 😢😢😢

[@mistyhouse9809]

I was always told "Who do you think you are?" "You ain't nobody." And I've felt that way my whole life so I've had the hardest time finding me.

[@kahlodiego5299]

I live in "stuff.". There is no one safe to talk to. I'm adjusting.

[@UnspokenRequest-pp4ns]

You're so witty, Sir. And I'm an emotional wreck over it! You're just, incredible. Thank you. Thank you so , so much. Xo

[@monicapandomealla4020]

So far, the hardest video to watch, but the most important to understand and process

[@TimothyArcher]

I call it the Shame, Blame & Defame Game, aka the Reduction Machine. Nearly 60 years as the family black sheep & scapegoat. I know it well.

[@user-bn2st5kx8h]

❤❤

[@Kuruflower]

Power and control. What abuse is... Definition of our government

[@rabbitcreative]

> Power and control. What abuse is... Definition of our government I think their goal is to make everyone traumatized to more easily control us.

[@staceystrukel1917]

Our government is us.

[@Crazydoglady.]

BRILLIANT!! You describe me in every video 😕

[@theforeigner6988]

Me too.

[@janethomas78]

I feel like I need his program. He spells out what I have gone through. His words have defined the fear and anxiety growing up in my family has created inside of me. Always used and abused. I am so tired and LOVE? What is that?

[@jeannieneuser5316]

Same here. I could never understand family dynamics, my childhood experiences. Listening to Tim, suddenly all of it makes perfect sense. Very comforting to me -- the idea that because I was clean and groomed, fed, made to do my homework, and had structure in my life, I did not have *all* my needs met. If I was never hugged or comforted, not approved of, criticized mightily, and left to solve big problems on my own from a young age... Yes, neglect is abuse, too. Take care, sending my best wishes and support on your journey.

[@ilovesamyo]

Thank you for bringing constant clarity, help and support. I’ve seen each and every one of your videos, some, I’ve had to watch more than once to fully drill it in. Thank you for all of it 🌷🌷🌷

[@godzillamanstreb524]

They’re so good

[@emilykathleenn]

Some individuals think they are alot better than others and so they project what they REALLY feel about themselves onto the less "better" individual in order to make themselves feel better (by making you feel small) they ignite your low self worth and shame inflicted on you by them like Tim says, gives them control and "supply." Get away from anyone who is doing this to you

[@EarInn]

Just being told that these things are abuse is itself a great relief. When you were growing up in it, the fact that there was anything wrong with how you were treated was not acknowledged in any way. Often you heard contradictory lies instead--that you should be grateful, that you were the problem.

[@mmcmiddlechild]

Thank you so much for the clarity of your content…and for your compassion! 🙏🏻

[@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

Thank you so much for all your valuable information. Been on my healing journey for two years. I have a lot to unpack. 😂I have only been in abusive relationships😅 I am 53 years young now and decided enough is enough and decided to take my journey inward. Omg I have discovered so much and the reasons why I am dysfunctional. So going through all emotions, up and down to dark places and up again to new revelations and changes in my behavior and then down the rabbit hole again with coping strategies. It is a wild ride! I've learned that I carry a lot of shame I'm not allowed to feel fear or anger only positive emotion. Peoplepleaser. Shut down emotionally. Abuse feels like normal. Numbing myself and dissociate. Having boundaries is dangerous etc etc. Ive learned so much. Thank you!!🙏❤️

[@Maggieshenoy]

Just a mindblowing session.

[@saraerdle]

I have not ever listened to a series that gives me more anxiety than this one. But determined to plow through. Thank you

[@makaylahollywood3677]

I have had trouble showing or expressing anger. I grew up with so much of this; lots of good mixed in with "not healthy, abusive experiences". I love my parents, but sad for what i didn't know, endured. I pray and work on myself- reparenting the little self. Thank you.

[@michellezoske7581]

My ex-husband stole our children and continue to withhold and keep them captive in deciept They are the most precious in my life

[@yourenough3]

This channel and these talks are so needed. Glad to see this channel growing. Tim is like a fantasy father figure and I dont personally know him. Tim makes me understand myself in so many ways. 👅❤ I hope by me saying that it doesnt seem disrespectful.

[@sleepyjoeatemyiceacream]

So incredible! May God bless you for your knowledge and effort

[@grettamaeB]

I think people (people being me) dont recognize abuse becuse it is so incredibly covert snd yes it's all theyve known and noone talks about psychological and emotional abuse in toxic relational dynamics (lol might blow their cover) love your content thank you so much Tim youre a godsend

[@katherineirvin7464]

Insidious, toxic, dangerous and evil = Covert abuse.

[@carole9409]

💯

[@luckyowl17]

Yes, perfectly speaks to the process that I have experienced. It is life changing and makes one whole. Provide space to focus and allow time and energy to roar and weep and remove the barricades that are preventing access to the authentic you.

[@davidcrawford9026]

My mother used to blow up at me, yell, bang pots and pans, then give the silent treatment. Bad grades, failed to clean something on time. I never treat others like this, I never raise my voice around my cats, I always care about their feelings. My mother didn't care about my feelings and chose not to control her actions and to this day refuses to take responsibility. I'm done with her

[@debbievoss3496]

It's hard on my gastric system.

[@poison_plays]

I so appreciate Tim recognizing that women can abuse too. My ex-partner of ten years and I recently ended our relationship. She is a woman; I am agender. We both have complex trauma. Both of us were diagnosed and began treatment after we started our relationship. There was a period several years ago when we were mutually emotionally abusive to each other. My ex and I are trying to stay friends, but I am finding that she is sometimes lashing out at me with emotionally abusive behaviours again lately. I have dealt with a lot of trauma recovery work in my personal therapy for the past 5-6 years, and I am proud to say I have for the most part harnessed my anger and learned quite effectively to utilize nonviolent communication skills. This has improved my relationships with other people in my life across the board, and even my interactions with strangers. Due to a variety of circumstances, my ex is largely only beginning her own trauma recovery in the past few months. I can recognize many similarities between her behaviour and mindset now and my own when we were treating each other in mutually abusive ways. I want very much to stand by her and trust that she will stop acting abusively towards me. But I am afraid that I may have to step back from her in order to protect my own mental health, and I am terrified that she will never forgive me and I'll lose her as even a friend if I assert that temporary boundary with her. It is a very difficult situation to navigate. I find it frustrating how little of the literature around abuse is written with the victims of non-male abusers in mind. It's heartening to know that Tim understands abusive behaviours are not exclusive to men. I'm finding his videos valuable and informative, and indeed validating of the strides I've taken to improve my own handling of my anger in light of my complex trauma. I am so pleased to know his videos about abuse validate all victims and survivors of abuse, regardless of the genders of our abusers. Thank you, Tim.

[@CMoore8539]

I missed the livestream but I’m watching the replay. Thank You!!!

[@davidweiss3795]

Thank you for recognizing that the abuse can also go woman > man. That was my relationship and that was validating. 🙏

[@H-youtube7]

Thank you for combining psychology with spirituality, we humans need that. It is a choice, to believe in the hardship or to trust in the unseen we don't yet fully appreciate. In Islamic scripture there is a verse which states every hardship comes with relief. In Biblical scripture, all things work together for good to them that love God and to them that are called according to his purpose. A purpose greater than our view when in the valleys.

[@Cardio_gram]

Same here too..Why it's difficult to handle a job? They trap you and they are making noises at night. During the day you just want to work nonstop day and night and nkt come ever again back. I wosh I knew sooner but now at least I found out now..

[@Shawndrea]

The caribbean needs this message

[@tmosest]

Idk if it’s a good or bad thing that these videos have such few comments. My hope is that not many people were abused but I feel like it’s more likely that they are just not seeking help…

[@lesliekendrick742]

Can this happen as an adult. Not start at childhood.

[@dnk4559]

Yes, I do believe it can.

[@JFM.2024]

So helpful. God bless you

[@jeankipper6954]

This work, this information, is vital. Very difficult to hear in places.

[@VeraCatlett]

Financial abuse is important, but Tim forget it cauting

[@georgiakritikos4955]

ANGER COMES FROM LIES ❤️💯🎬🎥& sir THAT leads to REVENGE

[@georgiakritikos4955]

It's systemic it's how the unlawfull sneak in the legal T00 CONTROL THE BAD , THEY THROW THEM TO THE GOOD ❤AN ASSISTED PICK

[@georgiakritikos4955]

I'm a POLITICAL SCIENTIST ❤ I STUDY ALL SORT 0F ECONOMIC LINES, ❤LIFESTYLE STUFF MARKETS BY PRODUCTS FOR LIFESTYLE 🎬 TRADE ROUTES SINCE 324 AD

[@earlineblack8276]

Thank you 🙏🏼 Thank you 🙏🏼 ❤❤❤

[@ajsomebody1342]

“My greatest value is my body or ability to perform sexually, that’s all I’m good for” I was molested as a child. My whole life I’ve thought this. That my worth is my body. But I’m also asexual. I can’t be what people want me to be. On so many levels. I’m chronically ill and disabled. I still live with my abuser. My illness symptoms are worse when this individual is around. I have no way out though.

[@shereeherring874]

God loves us, God forgives us. But he can't stop the karma we receive. All we can do is trust the process and remember the teacher is quiet threw the test.

[@inavdburg1693]

Thank you for you this teaching,...

[@davidpolk421]

Thank you

[@ps1473]

Perfectly explained.

[@indigosmyth7475]

You know, if this is how they did Church, I'd actually go..real things to discuss that actually effect us that we can learn how to cope with IRL!!!

[@Kuruflower]

Thank you 🙏🌸

[@MsKittie]

Love these series thank you for sharing your knowledge

[@tashawaters89]

7:11 my abusive SO is really big on loyalty, and he cries talking about how handsome his dad is.

[@Cardio_gram]

Thank you ❤

[@MkNels]

Oldmaidat 70, too scared!😮

[@C-Span222]

Thank you 😊

[@mknels1299]

36 years sober

[@mknels1299]

Counselor bilingual Spanish after ctpsd childhood (•‿•)

[@Chris-yf2zs]

Types of abuse: 9:15 More Specific types: 15:04 Consequences of abuse: 21:00 self image worn down by what you are told you are. you become prisoner of self. Crushed backbone so you feel you cannot survive on your own... 27:30 Consequence X: Sets up wrong way of coping. escape through fantasy because physical/actual escape impossible, then into drugs. 29:15 Consequence of Abuse X: drawn to relationships that are abusive. Soon you put up walls. But longing for love is stronger than commitment to putting up walls. Bookmark:

[@krustysurfer]

Hmmmmmmm, fallen world, fallen state, fallen humans under the curse sin on top of sin, perpetrators and victims role playing both parts, sometimes even without their own knowledge/consent... Tim it is so messed up when you really look deep into it the only solution is Jesus, grace and forgiveness for one another family/friends/strangers/children of God, ultimately trusting in Gods plan for me/us/ humanity is a tough chew at times when there has been sin/abuse/neglect and it wasn't our fault except for the fact we were born into the mess and wanted needed God to fix the mess save is from others, save us from ourselves 😢 the concept of anger and resentment towards God is not easy to swallow because whats the point? God is perfect and im just a man, what right do I imperfect, rebellious, simple and sinful human have to do with any sort of questioning God? Im going to have to pray about all of this. Outstanding video getting to the root of mankinds issues with sin God and our neighbors

[@jillcookerly6122]

Really difficult to listen to as it's so relatable. Causing flashbacks of events I'd tried to bury. 😢

[@fairygurl9269]

💔❤️‍🩹💝 Hugs to Those Who Have Been Adapting with a "Psychological Gimp"

[@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

❤❤❤🤗

[@indigosmyth7475]

Every single one of those types of abuse I had from my "Mother" except for sexual abuse, that was done by someone else whom she didn't believe me

[@LR-yu3mx]

Those words were uttered by Jesus on the Cross....My God, My God, why have You forsaken me! Therefore we shall never be forsaken by Him...Jesus saved us

[@NB-lx6gz]

Stop the jesus babbling God and jesus don't exist

[@reneemoore6249]

Oh the agony

[@tinypea]

What about the so called father that never gives is first daughter the love and nurture and the the mom who beat me for speaking about one of her bf abusing me

[@GemGrl]

I have a question, is it also abuse when your forced to tolerate, disrespect, gaslighting, manipulation, etc from other family members because it's your spouses family and he's not willing to set boundaries or is that on me to not tolerate it. Because if I don't, it may cause marital issues bc over time husband will resent me ....

[@xsilentg]

@12:59 ‼️ @15:33 ‼️😞

[@chriscampas-svensson461]

I love your videos but I turn them off when you discuss the mythology of “god” the consummate narcissist with his petty human emotions! I cannot read that book (which I have done multiple times) and believe that the followers of it aren’t just like the one they worship! As a former deacon and missionary I’ve done extensive research on this topic and I am done with being abused by the fantasy of a supreme being and its followers.

[@katebueno191]

I demand the tapes from my job to be watched . And see if with practically a broken foot that I need to wrap up every day if not the the one helping others even switching jobs !! To help others. That's on tape !! You at some point need to stop lying !!! Just about everything you say !! And I'm having to take at least 15 vitamins every day !! Because the tooth infection .I got ! I'm still the one helping +! So you can stop your lying !!!

[@jojostalino1377]

God is just the king of gaslight

[@katebueno191]

And the people who watch those tapes tell me if I'm not the one done first and helping everyone also get done !! If I'm not making sandwiches and cooking at the same time waiting for others to catch up !! You need to stop lying !!! This we can even do your lazy allegations along with the phone calls I never made and the things that did not exist !!!!

[@katebueno191]

And anyone that needs to take a look at the tapes in the deli is more than welcome to !! Sitting here trying to push me out of jobs !! Because that's better than serving me a court date and time ??? Over a bunch of false allegations that would not stand in a court !!! That's why ?? All they have is their family members and friends trying to make false allegations !! And trying to run me out of jobs !! And talking to people behind my back because I know who stole from me !! And I confronted them !! And I also was there that day Aaron !! And I'm doing that because I don't think I know !! You tried to destroy my credibility !! And you tried to damage my work history !! And I demand an investigation into that !! Be ause I'm not going to have their friends or their family members ?! Making lies up about me !!

[@MkNels]

Oldmaidat 70, too scared!😮