ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT: UNPREDICTABLE AND OVER-INVOLVED

[@DrKimSage]

Hello lovies! I have longer versions of attachment style/pattern info here- but hoping this is a quick summary that helps shortcut understanding! Hope you have a lovely day! xoxo

[@kimberlygabaldon3260]

Thank you, Dr. Sage. Yikes, this does sound like me. I do have attachment trauma, with the attendant symptoms, but i am grateful for the parents i had. They were just very young when they had me. Over the years of an entire lifetime, they have continued to grow and improve upon themselves. They are really good people. And i still have attachment wounds. They had theirs, too.

[@prettypuff1]

Oh look its me. Anxious because of unpredictable parenting

[@DrKimSage]

same and I am so sorry! I know we hold it so deeply in our nervous systems that it's not always easy to work on! ❤sending love!

[@ckay9006]

Think that would have been tougher , my mom was a drunk so either she was not around or when she was she mainly did her own thing and when she was angry or sad took it out on us. So that became predictable . I was made to be quiet and still most of the time out of fear of upsetting her or annoying her and the response , dad was absent (seen every 2 weeks but could tell it was just a chore for him), only really concerned with money and women . So I knew what to expect as a child

[@allwellandgood8547]

I love attachment theory and am currently studying it ❤ I wish it was taught to everyone when growing up to help make sense of things. I dont know if its the right thing to do but I'm finding it useful to not only understand my own disorganised style but also learn to consider how others around me might be dealing with things based on their own attachment styles. So lovely to enjoy lots more of your new content on here Dr Sage, thank you for sharing with us ❤

[@mr.invisible3770]

I have an anxious attachment pattern. I am very aware of it. It’s not from my parents though, it’s from the death of my sister and a series of bad relationships, choosing the wrong partners. I have done lots of work around it, but it still shows up sometimes. Read the book ‘Attached’ Just telling about myself.

[@dawnrobertson3067]

Thanks so much for this. I resonated so much with this. I couldn't believe it.

[@hockinghillsalive3624]

I'm so glad I found your channel. 41 years old and finally feeling the need for more information. For help and professional guidance. I found you yesterday and have probably watched 10 of your videos already. Cheers, to the KZbin algorithm. 😀 Thinking I lean a bit more toward the avoidant attachment patterns, so far. Thanks a million, Kim!

[@mickeyo2229]

This is me , I'm so unhappy, Mother did not protect us from Father who was bi-polar and hit us and was angry and completely unpredictable.

[@Gloroxsocks]

I have so much grief because I’m 23 and my 20s should be about having fun and living my life but instead my childhood is catching up with me and I’m cleaning up the mess my parents made so that things don’t get worse for me 💔

[@livinginthepines]

You'll be better prepared for your 30's but definitely try to have some fun. If you take care of your body, you'll still feel young and fun in your 30's and early 40's. Don't stress about time and age too much. Just embrace the age you are at now and also remember it's okay to be childlike and do silly things at any age.

[@ckay9006]

I'm hypervigilant when it comes to external people but in the same breath end up not seeing dangerous situations with people close to me ..

[@stevensawyer5924]

I wish you could have been my therapist. I've put and bared my heart and soul plus all my money into my therapist for the last 2 years. We've never talked about any of this, what I've learned from binge watching you in the last 2 weeks since I found you. We haven't really worked on anything. I feel worse now than when I started. Dealing with c-ptsd and bpd from child trauma. She just can't relate, other than the textbook understanding. Don't have the strength to try again with someone new.

[@rubycubez1103]

I completely agree with you. I've been in and out of therapy for over 20 yrs. I feel many therapists are afraid of exploring topics like Dr. Sage goes into. I could see the panic in their face if I start to go into the trauma. Their response is usually textbook. I'm seeing someone now but she's young enough to be my daughter and I just know my experiences would terrify her. You're def not alone in that feeling. I'm starting to feel unfixable. There's only so much therapy you can have without relief without just leaving it alone.

[@stevensawyer5924]

​@@rubycubez1103 OMG, you so get it! Had to smile, mine is young enough to be my daughter as well. She really is a sweetheart, so Thank God she's never experienced the trauma we have. I've done the therapy off and on for years in past as well. They really didn't get child abuse or child trauma back then. I feel like a burden to her. At 65 now, no friends or family, I feel like a lost cause and should just go back in my cave and disappear. Destined to never know love or have a relationship. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. 🙏✌️❤️🤗

[@livinginthepines]

Same here. Dealt with the lady constantly rolling her eyes at me and made me feel even more stupid and confused.

[@stevensawyer5924]

@@livinginthepines she was totally uncool! It's like they expect you to know or understand things you just don't know or understand yet. That's why we came to them in the first fckn place! To help fix our broken insides, heart and mind. Not add to it!... oops, sorry, got a little triggered. 😣 I wish you all the very best in your future endeavors. ✌️❤️💪

[@JuneSkyLife]

Everytime I have a fight with my boyfriend I feel like I want to leave the relationship and I hate to have the thought of break up so often in my head because I know that I love him and it is the last thing I want in this world

[@HopelessAutistic]

This drives me nuts... for all those people who say everyone needs to get married and procreate... particularly in the manosphere podcasts... in order to have healthy children, the parents need to have their s*it together. Emotional healthiness is just as important than anything else. It's so sad kids today feel so lonely.

[@mylifeasemily]

But how do I fix this? I can see me doing this to my kids and I don’t want them to be like me

[@cheryldailing1294]

My mother was NEVER nice. There were NO breaks. My nervous system is a mess. I thought I was better off than I am at 56

[@poshperfect1393]

Dr. Kim, Is it common to not be able to relax with this attachment style? I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with OCD tendencies. I’m guessing it’s all related to what you said as I resonate so much with this video and many of your others.

[@trenthill7781]

Where was this video a couple decades ago? Lol damn.