Psychologist On What Helps Anxiously-Attached Heal | Healing An Anxious Attachment Style

[@lorenson]

I’m AA. My wife left me 6 months ago after 11 years. Now I know I was absolutely emotional dependent on her. I’m doing the work and made some progress and still it is very hard. Some days are ok some days are hell.

[@ABB14-11]

Thank you for reaching out and sharing this. I cant imagine what kind of pain you had to put up with to develop that level of anxiety and alcoholism. I’m grateful that you try because I know so many people who don’t care and don’t see anything wrong with their anxiety or alcoholism. I’m sad that your wife left, I hope there is still hope on the horizon.

[@ABB14-11]

One thing I’d like to add is I hope you never stop taking care of yourself and giving yourself a chance. I hope you give yourself opportunities to experience joy and see that you are more than that and you have lots of things about you to be happy about and feel grateful for. God imbued all of us with a kind of beauty so I hope when you look in the mirror or think about yourself and your life, you start to see glimpses of that more and more.

[@Kinteresting]

Awwww sending much love to you!!! I know it will get better but I am just here sending you love right now!

[@ChrisBanda]

​@@ABB14-11I think "AA" meant Anxiously Attached " in this context & not "Alcoholics Anonymous"

[@TheThraxx]

Hang in there and stay strong, I'm starting this healing process. Remember nothing good comes easily and be kind to ourselves.

[@cyna1103]

Can’t believe you hit the nail right on the head with this video…I thought I was broken. I’m turning 37 this month and engaged to be married next year. This video is me. Even the part of wanting to change my partner. I’m tired of how I’m feeling so I started therapy this week. Thank you for the video. It means so much to me.

[@rudyescobar7071]

My mother messed me up in this way as a child. She would always threaten to, "run away" when things got tough. In fact, she tried once and some friends of the family tracked her down and brought her home. She was always super emotional and prone to outbursts. I have forgiven her for acting this way, but a lot of my relationships have suffered because of my experiences growing up. Glory be to God for getting me this far with these wounds.

[@LOVEKITTIES]

Thank you, everything you’ve taught me resonates so much I feel like you read a document that said everything wrong with my attachment style!

[@gajoratte]

2:48 "Your experience defines me. You decide what is true for and about me." This really hit me. Thank you for spreading awareness so compassionately.

[@noah1502]

this video and the avoidant attachment healing video are so so so useful and important. there are 1000s of videos describing what the attachment styles are, but very few giving real solid advice and guidance for healing from those styles, and what to actually do when you identify certain things. thank you for these videos, they are very helpful for my personal growth.

[@noah1502]

also as an anxiously attached person, my communication style can be pretty hostile at times (i definitely succeed most of the time with calm, respectful, loving communication) but when I feel overwhelmed I notice I sometimes communicate in unkind ways.

[@xoxnataiie]

i’m glad i’m doing the work in a relationship so i can actually put what i learn to use! what i’ve been practicing is to force myself to spend time with myself and see my partner less than what i feel like i need. as i spend more time with myself the better i start treating myself, and the less needy i am on my partner for emotional regulation. i have a LONG road ahead of me but i feel like im making good progress, especially since im only 20

[@katherine3107]

Thank you for not only explaining what the attachment style is, but getting to the root of the issue and as a practical person, I highly appreciate steps given to move forward and heal!! 10 thumbs up

[@bloodletter3400]

I will say as someone that is AA that has been cheated on and quite frankly been abused emotionally by family and others it's been hard to find value in myself I'm now in the happiest relationship I've been in my life (Not even kidding) but sometimes i have to fight my mental mindset on not expecting the worst its so bad sometimes that ill get dreams of that (I don't love you anymore text or something worse) this video has helped me on at least putting a plan together and finding value

[@FaithfulandTrue777]

8:10 untralist expectations of romantic love - let go. Instead value authentic connections as friendships that enhance the lived experience

[@Prtygrllyss]

I’m not gonna lie, this video is making me go from shocked to oh wow that makes sense to feeling anxiety

[@joachin1016]

You are so calm and clear. Love it

[@philhob4317]

This is really really good. Love the clarity.

[@toniherms2014]

Really helpful! Truly great content! Thank you!

[@MindfulnessMeditationJourney]

This video is pure gold! Your explanations are so clear and concise

[@jeffcauthen6434]

Me all over. 2 marriages gone. Life wasted. 58 yrs old. Never heard of attachment styles. Unbelievable. Thanks Dr Maika.

[@Anne-kj9wd]

Have known about this for decades but still not helping.

[@jeffcauthen6434]

Had 2 wives abandon me and a total of 7 women leaving me, so yeah. I guess I definitely am anxious. Great video.

[@Liopleurodon09]

I have been waiting for this video! Wish me luck! ❤❤❤

[@StaceyLozano-fz1ul]

I think it's generational trauma starting with grandmother. Then my mom who didn't know her dad. My grandmother refused to tell her. When my parents got a divorce. It was said my father didn't want me. IDK too much going on. I think it was handed down to me

[@RosaAperedo]

Thank you for this video!

[@brenda6921]

Wow... Spot on

[@nyuuuchan]

Thank you! I was waiting for this video :) I have to say that being abandoned (again) by a partner is not at all helpful for our healing. It only proves the point that people will always leave. Maybe better to be alone after all, despite the anxious attachment style?

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Definitely, being abandoned doesn't help, at the same time that doesn't mean *all* people will always leave... 🌻

[@matthewneillmusic]

Thank you.

[@lakitamarion2901]

I sit by the phone waiting anxiously for a reply.. sometimes I’m a priority some times I’m not.. I want to be set free 😩

[@douglasmclean3723]

that was excellent it covers alot of things for me; i wanted to know about the other two attachments styles dismissive and disociation identity; from watching that i can drop the vagus nerve exxercise EFT EMDR breathing exercises mantras. to day i became very awre of disappointment and hurt which has been likea ball and chain for me. is it true that this stye manifests as BPD in adulthood?

[@Star-dj1kw]

❤ excellent

[@mad_makai]

How do you find the balance between I guess being yourself and interacting with people? It sometimes feels like when being authentic, I don’t really reach out, but when I do because I think its probably healthy, I just start craving reassurance again and losing myself. Like I want a future with this person, but I want to be healthy but also close, like talking everyday yknow?

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

This sounds like something I'd need to know more of the bigger picture to say anything helpful 🤔

[@AnnSinclair-jh4vj]

Dear Maika, Could you please make a video on healing the disorganized attachment style? It feels like a totally crazy and exhausting place to be in! The only thing that gave me some relief in one of your videos, is that you said attachment styles can be changed and learned…

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Yes, you can learn to develop secure attachment 💯 I've added your request to my list! ✍

[@AnnSinclair-jh4vj]

@ thank you so very much! ♥️

[@mallowkai8702]

what about a video on how to get over an ex while she’s in a new relationship but you still want her in your life

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

I've noted down the request ✍

[@mils232]

Can you also do one on how to heal from codepency

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

I’ll note down your request 👍🏻 I get lots of requests, though, so it may take time… in the meantime: I’ve talked about it in different contexts in these videos kzbin.info/aero/PLzRKYOPcN3c_7ZRmJ-38BXd876ZWhJRAs&si=nqvqq_hCDSRBlCQG

[@badbam12]

Is there any theraphy for this anxious attachement style? I want to heal from this kind of attachement..

[@mils232]

​@@DrMaikaSteinborn do you have any content approach anxiety.

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

@badbam12 yes, look for a mental health professional that works with attachment styles and attachment theory

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

@mils232 I'm not sure what you mean...

[@iampepe7378]

Can you please do one for fearful avoidant

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

I've got it on my list! :)

[@DennisD-yv4ys]

How important is knowing ones attachment style?

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

It helps a lot in relationships!

[@mad_makai]

I wonder… would it be a bad idea to do a video about the secure attachment style? I’d sorta be afraid to watch it…

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

interesting 🙂🤔

[@108u9]

IMO folks should just take what’s presented as information for a generalised understanding of what AA is. However it does not represent a fruitful pathway to work with AA

[@Cristian0Cae]

I am trying hard to stop being anxious. ADHD does not help, makes breakups so much worse. I can be secure for a while but then when I “detect” the “talk” I completely lose it