Are many scapegoats left out of inheritance?

Q&A: Are many scapegoats left out of inheritance?
To get started on healing from money fears and trauma I suggest doing lots and lots of journaling. Use all the prompts I share in the video and by journaling on these you'll be able to get insights into your beliefs about money. and that's a brilliant starting point.
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[@patriciaacquaro1120]

This episode describes my parents. Financial abuse and financial manipulation, drama, money trauma. Thank god I left at 20 years old and worked hard. I am now 61 years old. So sick. My younger sister is a mess because she took the financial bait. I walked away and gave them all "the finger". No regrets.

[@wakeupordie]

Just from viewing the title without even watching, the immediate answer in my head was: "Yes, always".

[@laurakhaydon]

So true about them trying to use inheritance as a weapon and to create drama and chaos! When I realised they were about to do this a few months ago, I finally cut contact. They'd have loved nothing more than to have me shocked and desperate and angry and upset. So glad I chose my dignity and quietly walked away rather than give them the satisfaction. Hideous people...

[@feelingbetternaturally1099]

My "mother" saved her last weapon against me to the reading of her will, where she made sure she called me by the wrong name and left me nothing. It makes me happy every time I remember she is no longer breathing.

[@amandabartell1502]

It's so hurtful isn't it.

[@feelingbetternaturally1099]

@@amandabartell1502 It was excruciating, but now I am free from her evil.

[@feelingbetternaturally1099]

@@amandabartell1502 She was pure evil.

[@Sil26439]

I understand you, only scapegoats know how evil parents can be. Their pathological wickedness is undescribable.

[@naturalhealingmexico]

I am happy for you too, i am passing this situation, my malignant narcissist progenitor (not mother), wants me to give my part (my narc father died last year) to her, in order, she says, to let her take control for better investment, and she promised to put me in a will when she die, i was like 😂😂😂😂, after so much betrayal she still thinks I trust her....thus people are evil, demonic, wicked,

[@stephanieward5950]

I was. My brother who got “it all” shared less than 1% and told me I could not mention it to anyone. I gave it back to him, and said, “I’m talking about it!” I certainly paid the price, to be able to speak about it all.

[@nemesister5109]

I bust out laughing when I read the title!! YES!!! Nice to know I wasnt the only one cut to the bone by their own family.

[@Jettypilelegs]

Just before I went no contact with my mother I asked her very calmly, almost casually, to please take me out of her will. She was shocked which was amusing to me, I just pulled the power and control rug out from under her. And I genuinely don’t want anything from her, I’ve survived thus far without financial assistance from anyone, I’ve been a single parent throughout my children’s lives and we are very close and loving and rely on no-one. We are really good at living in poverty so not having money doesn’t scare us.

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

Brilliant 👏👏👏. You denied her her supply . They miss out on the psychological games….

[@TheMazinoz]

Same, but poverty is not always a given. Some thrive afterwards.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

@@scapegoatchildrecovery yes

[@rachelm1816]

Well done you 👏

[@UpFromUnder6]

I was!! Found out later. I was supposed to be executor, but somehow they took that away. They never knew, but I was very sick at the time. I live away from them. Haven’t spoken in 7 years. They’re despicable.

[@amandabartell1502]

Yes, the golden child got every single penny, house, everything. I didn't want anything for myself but my daughter was supposed to be left half the house in the will. I was so hurt that she got screwed over. I have nothing to do with said golden child, the new narc on the block. I'll never forgive her.

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

Yeah, it’s all so incredibly painful 😰 the cruelty knows no bounds

[@sandrab2589]

Exact same thing happened to me. My brother, the golden child, is now a multi-millionaire. Nothing for me and nothing for my daughter (my parents' one and only grandchild). The cruelty knows no bounds.

[@Acceptancetoday]

I am finding that the cruelty helps with reducing attachment. I feel less attached and I know from experiencing the death of my narc father that in fact I felt very little after his death, did not miss work, without effort I just kept living. I hate feeling devastated, I am thankful that my psyche has adapted and is protective of me. I no longer have the reaction of becoming overwhelmed, enraged like I used to.

[@smoozerish]

When I went no contact and set out on my journey of healing from the violent and emotional abuse from my mother and family members, I soon realized that I was never in a million years going to receive any inheritance. This is in itself is very freeing psychologically because I had absolutely no obligation to these toxic people now or in the future. I could not be tempted by money because I knew full well I would be cut off the will. I saw how it played out in my mothers family of origin where my grandmother caused chaos and bitterness by giving everything to one son and left 9 others with virtually nothing. I knew my narcissist mother had taken note of this and she too was bitter and she would act out this drama on her own kids to make them feel the suffering she had endured.

[@brooks8792]

There was some drama over my father's trust with my stepmother. She had an attorney set a deadline for a very low amount and refused to discuss. I let it go, let the deadline pass and understood it would be as she said 'gone.' I don't care, the peace is worth it.

[@taniarichards2337]

I was too. They have left everything to my sister with a codicil on the will for her to give my share to my 4 children. That way they’ve kept my children (they are all adults) on the hook 😢 and they put everyone else in the family before me.

[@madalynmoth4263]

Of course they are. To include me would be like admitting I’m not totally evil. The only narrative of me that my ex-parents needed me to feel while they were dying is that I’m evil.

[@Sil26439]

It's the same story, as if it was me

[@swetapatel]

I was too! I am trying to go after my sibling who is creating smear campaigns. They should not get away with this.

[@VoirDireMusicCWM]

Yes … this is correct unfortunately. I was the only child of 4 my mother left out of inheritance after my father died. Siblings were aware and said nothing - sister knew for more than 10 years. She said nothing and participated in it all the while smiling and laughing in my face.

[@aisling6564]

😄 yes. Tbf though, I have no contact with my family so I don't expect to be furnished or bequeathed anything and I knew that when releasing them from my life.

[@scandia67]

Long before I figured out my mom was a covert narcissist (although I knew she was disordered in some way), my in-laws showed my husband and I where they kept their wills and other paperwork we would need to access toward the end of their lives. Later, when I asked my mom about where my parents' paperwork was, she got belligerent and told me it was none of my business and I didn't need to know because my younger brother (the golden child) would be handling it. Knowing my parents didn't have two pennies to rub together, I thought it was funny that she was so defensive about it, and I certainly knew I wouldn't get anything anyway. Also, when you have parent(s) like this you have to be prepared that they will probably smear you for the last time, if they do name you in the will, stating you get nothing.

[@purposeinmind]

Yes or have relatives they've brought in and trained to smear you because THAT will last longer than just the Will process! Big hugs to you.

[@444Raine]

The will was incredibly painful for me because it spelled out in black and white what I had always known but worked so hard to deny. I briefly considered legally contesting but my nervous system was already howling in pain and I didn’t think I could stand more. I’m no contact now with my family. I’m reminded of it a lot because inheritance is such a prevalent theme in books, movies, and religion. It is a sore spot for sure but serves a good purpose by grounding me in reality. It makes it impossible for me to pretend all was well in my childhood.

[@Sil26439]

I also blamed myself alĺ my life, I fought against my abusive reality trying to convince myself that what I saw was not so, it was only in my distorted imagination, and that my family was loving, fair and even perfect. Not even two serious illnesses affected my hope to be loved and treated as a daughter should be. How stupid and naive I was. Or just a traumatized child who grew up unable to accept the assigned role of a scapegoat. Then, when the favoritism became even more evident, when the family inheritance was slowly and secretly given to my GC brother I reacted. And was punished for telling the truth by being left out of my father's will. There is nothing scapegoats can do to be treated with respect, if not with love. One can only cut contact, to protect themself, save their peace of mind and health. But it is too painful.

[@sophial.2438]

I know i'll be left out. My mother hates my guts (ever since i can remember) and my unbelievably weak co-dependent father won't have the guts to stand up to her. Even if he does, he'll lose. My sister, also severely co-dependent, has been set up by my mother to be against me. She blindly obliges. Brother is a narc supreme, like "mom", so no way he'll do the right thing. I'm 3000 miles away from them all. Thank God. I don't even want the money. I have no doubt it's cursed at this point.

[@thegoatgirlcr]

Ooooooh, I hadn't thought about inheritance money being cursed. This will help me pivot my thinking. Thank you for this comment🙏

[@Querencia7779]

I attest, yes. I was left out, even though my half brother is a multi millionaire.

[@Sil26439]

Leaving out a child, or grandchild, of one's inheritance is an act of extreme cruelty which speaks out loud of the narc parent's sadism. And it will encourage the GC sibling to be even more scornful, arrogant and mean ... that is what happened in my family. I I feel only pity for such "people".

[@beckymichel1845]

Money = Life…. I have never felt safe and secure. I may be in your program soon,

[@bengoodes1581]

Ill be ok. I'm expecting this.

[@verumpraevaleat8177]

Hi Mary. Thanks so much for this video and your amazing e-book. All rings so true and has already (only 3 chapters in) provided some beautifully articulate answers and insights into something I have been dealing with for 57 years. I want to heal this in my life so I too can help others who suffer in silence and confusion to peel back the layers of damage and hurt. Thankyou for the inspiration.

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

Thank you for the lovely message 💕

[@SimplicityForGood]

It's a dire situation indeed. I find myself in a state of helplessness after undergoing a surgery that left me handicapped. Moreover, I am now subjected to relentless isolation with no means of escape. Any financial resources or provisions I may require are being siphoned off from my inheritance. This unfortunate predicament has been orchestrated by my sociopathic, jealous and manipulative sister, who, in collaboration with my narcissistic father, has ensured that I am left destitute. The money I am compelled to request from my father for basic survival comes with the condition of being labeled as a pre-heritage debt, ensuring that I will have nothing left once he passes away, with everything going to my sister. The sheer cruelty and malevolence of their actions leave me in a state of despair. I am left to endure excruciating pain, devoid of any assistance from the healthcare system, as my father, being a doctor himself, has used his influence to ensure that none of his colleagues offer me any aid. It's a harrowing ordeal that I am forced to endure on a daily basis.

[@susanhartline7539]

I told my mother ages ago, I wanted nothing from her and had nothing left to give her. Period. I would prefer not to be tortured at all, than love bombed and Guilted, please keep your gifts. Please, if you want me to be happy, leave Me alone!

[@susanhartline7539]

And here I sit, still wanting to help.

[@keithlightminder3005]

There is often a final hope that there will be a deathbed reconciliation. Or that it with magically be wonderful and just in the will.

[@Sil26439]

Unfortunately I think it never happens. It's just a negation of the truth. They don't change. They were ugly people all their life and even before dying.

[@gracemcloughlin9305]

Malignant optimism....yes, as we had throughout dealing with them.

[@kimhaas7586]

The more I find that this has happened to other people the more I am disgusted by my siblings and how they took the money and ran.

[@ScottishLass1]

66 years old now and have now been exiled from my family. I looked after my

[@sbren777]

Thanks for your video. My mother has transferred her assets into my siblings’ names to circumvent me contesting her Will when she passes. I moved overseas 18 months ago and have accepted that it is what it is

[@KK-rj7ij]

I already know that I will be left out of the inheritance of both my parents. One is trying to spin it, saying I am not his child even though I am the spitting image of him, the other one considers what I have earned myself as hers and therefore part of her inheritance. It's madness. But even though I have done so much for them, I don't care anymore, every day without them is a win.

[@naturalhealingmexico]

Great decision, narcs parents are so ungrateful, the mire you take care of them, the more they hate you, they see our kindness as weakness, their mind works only around power, position and control. They are disgusted to have an empathic son or daughter, that is why we become the scapegoat. We always get their hate, rejection, envy and betrayal. Never stay or care for them

[@Kate-xf5zf]

My mother left the cabin that my father built to her three daughters--my two sisters and me. MY GC sister talked my mother into cutting me out and leaving it to her and my other sister, who she eventually cut out as well. I have nothing and will likely be either on Section 8, Welfare or homeless! I tried every kind of legal recourse to no avail.

[@sophial.2438]

Pity your sister! She will pay dearly for this in the next life! I wouldn't give up on attorneys either. Find one who is successful. Your sister is clearly in the wrong.

[@josephineananda]

What is GC?

[@sophial.2438]

@@josephineananda Golden child

[@Star-333]

I hope I’m left out of wills and inheritance sincerely because I don’t need to deal with drama from those that might challenge the fact that I received something. I don’t need it, want it, nor do I expect it.

[@DevonExplorer]

Yes, and the odd thing is it isn't even my family but a flying monkey, lol. My oldest sister is the only one alive of my parental family and she's in a care home with dementia. Her best friend is one two with power of attorney and she's made it clear that she hopes my sister uses up all the money she worked hard for and that nothing will come to me - even though I'm legally next of kin. I've also made it clear that I really don't care. I've made peace with the fact that all the family heirlooms that my sister was keeping for both of us have been sold off, along with everything else, including her house, etc, and that I happen to know they've been keeping expensive jewellery and possibly other items for themselves. Meanwhile, I'm doing okay; I have enough money to live comfortably on & enjoy life and although my beautiful flat is council-owned I'm more than happy that someone else will have the joy of it after I'm gone. Peace! There's nothing like it, lol! :)

[@rtoney]

My God ...Thank you so much, I was understanding..I don't need no counselor...You taught me SO MUCH! GOD BLESS YOU 😊

[@antjestr1047]

I dont even want the inheritance (I'm an only child, but in no contact with the whole family)...its dirty money for me with bad energy...yes I want to and I am cultivating my own money

[@KK-rj7ij]

this 100% Their money feels dirty

[@rachelm1816]

I expect to be left out. Then again, I wouldn't be surprised if I were left out even if I were in contact. I figured it's the price I pay for peace.

[@amandakropen3273]

Of course we are. We can't do anything right. LOL!

[@maureenshaw737]

Thank you for this Mary, I feel really seen. Big heart sigh ❤

[@deedurkin9879]

I have two siblings who im sure will be left everything.. Although i do wonder if one gets more than the other will that impact on their relationship.. I think when you've been through decades of abuse then peace is worth more than any amount of money...Money is the root of all evil so its no wonder abusive parents love to use it to control and manipulate their own children.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

I recall hearing on the news a few years back, the Judge advised the family sort it out amongst themselves- big family and a family business and a tricky will. He said otherwise there would be nothing left after legal fees. I remember thinking ah.. I know that sort of family… I read about it later in newspapers and it didn’t get resolved. It’s very sad, the next generation are affected, we all know the story.

[@cherylcampbell7495]

My mom had cancer for seven years and many surgeries for her head. Their last stab in the back was to leave us out of the will. Imagine the doctor bills were in the thousands. Oh well. But felt bad for my sis. She didn’t deserve it.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Thank you for the words you are using, it is truly descriptive

[@user-ti8sf2qw2f]

Well my parents give me a really hard time all through my childhood promising to send me to School and then when i graduated High School they totally pulled the rug out from under me so i would not be surprised if they had this ready.

[@Lyrielonwind]

The problem with making friends with people with money is that they usually don't want to have any relationship with someone who doesn't have money. Also, I realized that most lawyers are narcissists. Even if you have money to hire them, they usually work for the side which has the money not for your interest. It happened to my father and it happened to me too. My best friend was a lawyer (21 years of one-sided friendship from my part) and she fooled me and my family (before I knew they were narcissists) when my mother sold a property. She charged us while having a piece from the buyers. Then, she launched a huge smear campaign so no one would believe us once we found out about her scam.

[@TheMazinoz]

Agree. My sister is a lawyer and no doubt Ill get zero in narc mothers will. But plumbers really gauge you. $600 /hr!

[@user-ti8sf2qw2f]

Great i know for sure i have this to look forward to

[@andersdottir1111]

Have you thought of changing your surname Mary? You could choose a loved grandmother’s maiden name- that would help with healing too.

[@infplife1637]

How do you know she hasn't changed it already?

[@DHW256]

I was Mom's primary scapegoat and the only child, of my parents six children, to immediately proceed from high school to college. I was awarded scholarships that covered most but not all of my expenses; and my father's income was consistently between $300K and $600K US per year, in today's money. Every financial aid application I submitted -- including loans -- was turned down, sometimes with laughter. And every time I petitioned my parents for help, Mom would become enraged and tell the whole world, "He has champagne taste on a beer budget!" Aside from Dad's on-and-off efforts, my parents never had anything to do with my education: they never made positive statements, never stepped foot on campus, never came to town for a visit, but they heaped criticism, especially Mom. And advocating for myself would simply bring on the rage. I finally quit college despite the encouragement of outsiders: they had idea what was going on. I'm sure the fact I failed at something brought Mom great satisfaction. And I'm sure the great successes I have since enjoyed brought her great frustration. It gets much worse. Mom was "Miss Information, the Queen of Envy".

[@agnescroteau8960]

My family is literally a dysfunctional family and I still have to be grateful that it had not been WORSE. That’s how fucked I am at the moment.

[@agnescroteau8960]

“Sense of relief” around 7:09

[@annandall9118]

I was the family scapegoat. My parents made mirror wills. My fTher died first and left everything to my mother, of course. It was his understanding their estate would be split between my sister and myself. My sister spent 30 years trying yo get me out of the will. I took huge amounts of gaslighting and slanderous, back stBbing abuse and eventually walked away. Much to my shock and astonishment, my sister failed to persuade our mother to change her will. I suspect .y mogher did go to see the solicitor involved and he guilt tripped her out of it. Either that or in my absence she turned on my sister for a scapegoat. Or her dementia got so bad that it was too late for changes to be made. sister had total power of attorney and I don't doubt she did her level best but she didn't have the power to change the will. How sad 😂

[@MillennialMountainMama]

I just realized that I am a victim of inheritance fraud. Now I know why my mother didn’t care. I’m an only child, which means that I am both the Scapegoat and the Invisible Child, depending on which situation.

[@kelvinjames6344]

The thing i find weird Is that My narc parents Could not wait to get thier inheritance But dont want me getting a dime Whats that about ?

[@rachelm1816]

Narcissists often have double standards. It's to do with their sense of entitlement.

[@Gemmarose9012]

I’m wondering if we’re actually better off if we’re left out of an inheritance. My parental units put their house in my and my sociopath siblings name via quit claim. I haven’t spoken to him in ten years due to him getting violent toward me. I have very limited contact with parents but haven’t seen them in five years. They put sibling in charge of it all, executor etc., after I asked them to please make it a neutral third party. Denied. So now they put me in line to answer to him and be victimized again. I’m fortunate that I will be able to hire an attorney to deal with the sibling once they’re gone. I will also have the attorney hold his feet to the fire legally so he can’t screw me out of anything. I’m sure he will be thrilled!😂 Emotionally I am doing all I can to work through my feelings BEFORE they go so there is a level of detachment. If I couldn’t hire an attorney to deal with him I would Most likely reject my inheritance altogether. I can’t let myself be hurt again.

[@sarahw7616]

We are better off. Anything to get away and stay away from them.

[@kaystephens2672]

I received my reward. But there was a cost. A price. I had to take care of her disabled son. But I care about him, have compassion for him. So I don't look at it like a punishment. But if she has passed a year prior, her brothers family would have gotten their hands on her estate. I found out after she passed their was a gift left to me and my brother in the 60's. When our dad passed. They enjoyed the security of it while we had no knowledge of it. That was there to support my deceased fathers children. And an investment made with it went to my uncle's children. I would go after them. But it's too late. But I writing a story about the consequences of this abuse based on my personal experience. You have no power if you have no resources. They lived comfortably and I always wondered how they could afford such luxuries. Shame on them. But at least I know how important it is to trust my instincts about what I'm seeing in people's behavior now. Be independent and always trust in God to see the Truth.

[@TheBeliever1204]

Yes

[@alanacatherine3385]

Great advice 👏

[@janethomas78]

my brother Took over my mom and Dads assets and abused me with their assets. Smear and devaluation.

[@commoveo1]

I feel sorry for them!

[@prashantiyoga3554]

We'll see I guess. Mum never outwardly threatened cutting me off, but she was constantly making pointed comments about a cousin of mine who was cut out of her mother's will for going no contact. She had some interesting ideas on that subject, given she hates my father's sister. But that's Mum for you. Never content unless she's contradicting herself 😓 I expect I'll be, or already have been, cut, and it'll probably go to my kids instead, when the inevitable happens. I'm trusting that I'll manage without it, as so many others have had to. When I realised I needed to go no contact, I knew I was more than likely saying goodbye to any safety net that would have provided.

[@mikestrong4686]

My question is, since I didn't take the "bait" in exchange for silence, why should I remain silent. I have a desire to speak about and expose the abuser, but I can't tell why I am reluctant. I am not sure if it is toxic shame, fear, or perhaps some wisdom that keeps me from telling the truth about my dysfunctional family.

[@diannetimpson6885]

Of course I was left out of any inheritance. But I was No Contact and expected it. There was no way any amount of money or junk from their house could Ever even begin to compensate me for the abuse ( verbal, psychological, physical, financial) they heaped on me over the decades. Any amount would have been insulting anyway. So, I just didn't care.

[@angelavore6705]

I ❤ ur videos!

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

Thank you ☺️

[@TheCollective87]

I do believe my Freeman friends could be some .. that last name is earned and his father only knew his step father.... 🤔

[@C-eq1tj]

Is the mini money class available as a single course outside the scapegoat recovery program?

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

Alas no, sorry…

[@barbaraalbert5600]

I wasn't included in either will. One if my brothers was executor of both. One of , and brother, desides while narca in Hospice, they deside that i xan receive a burial plot from him, because he no longer wants internment there,(town where 'atmosphere' is). At least they said something because I'd be chained to a hole, in a tiwn/place "I don't want to be alive nevermind for eternity". Long ago, same narc ssked me to 'sign on as witness so my sibling could get his life insurance policy'. I only did this because of what sibling. Fast forward 40 years .... Niw she's channeling the other dead narc. Both- no longer in my life. It takes what it takes.. ... unbelievable or not.

[@swetapatel]

How do we protect ourselves in these situations?

[@elizabethdarley8646]

Hi, I think we have to legally contest the will. This is just an everyday thing for lawyers.

[@Gemmarose9012]

Yes, hire an attorney if possible.

[@kelvinjames6344]

Learn all you can about narcist wills and deathbed Lawyer up Be prepared to get nothing

[@swetapatel]

Yes my sibling is the truest narcissist I know. She’s manipulated everyone including the lawyers

[@thornarts2130]

Could you please explain what you mean by "inheritance fraud" in the case of a child of the deceased? I've long been concerned my father will do the worst he possibly can to me through his will, but I don't know what that is or how to protect myself from that. He has tried to frame me for crimes in the past. Thank you for your content!

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

That would be a question to ask an attorney/ lawyer and also the law enforcement authorities.

[@thornarts2130]

@@scapegoatchildrecovery Thank you so much for your reply!

[@pushista9322]

The point is under capitalism the majority of people will struggle financially. The sacrificial zones (regions, social groups) are intrinsic to capitalism. So healing your financial trauma is not enough to have financial security. Moreover, economic inequality is one of the main reasons of child abuse. Parents who are constantly stressed are more likely to channel this stress down the family hierarchy.