Are You A Narcissist Magnet?

[@G2thesecondpower]

Insecurity, a lack of boundaries, a desperate desire to "feel seen", accepted, and understood by someone - along with a need to please - is like a giant, radiating beacon to a narcissist.

[@kathrin9674]

THIS!

[@deepalall647]

100% true.The needy and codependent are easy victim of narcissists.

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

LOL! Perfectly said. Absolutely love this summary! 👌

[@ticklishmoose]

Very well said! I guess I need to look in the mirror every morning and say “I’m smart enough, I’m good enough, and doggone it...ppl like me” 😄

[@Misslotusification]

And being naïve. Narcs love people that are easily gullible because they trust others.

[@areilly2496]

Probably so. When they figure out you're a kind person with a good heart, they enjoy hurting you even more.

[@OceanSound100]

@Brandon Taylor Haha! What?

[@OceanSound100]

@Brandon Taylor Oh! I am so sorry. I thought you were joking. My brother grew up and scared my father with his strength because my father got old. Life can be sad with what choices we are forced to make.

[@OceanSound100]

@Brandon Taylor Hope to see you around Brandon. I always will reply when I see your response. Remember to stay with Psychology/Inner strength like on this channel. I was not severely abused like that as my brother was, but I was still scared out of my mind! Father made sure of that. You have a nice name, Brandon.

[@t5396]

@Brandon Taylor you're right.

[@katerinakiaha6925]

Brandon Taylor YOU are AWESOME☺

[@wifferste]

Other traits to watch for in addition to flattery are if they pressure you into doing something you are not comfortable doing, or try to use guilt tripping, consider those huge red flags too. That's a very cunning and manipulative person at work. Sadly I learned this the hard way.

[@jakeshuster6783]

I think what attracts narcs the most is a smile, a laugh and a positive attitude. things they will never have.

[@wanderingfree149]

If i had a dime everytime i rationalized my gutt feeling right out of exsistance, only later to find out i was 100% spot on.

[@mariaseidi4764]

Yes gut feeling I very important ,and my gut feeling works good most of the time ...but same people are so deceitful that they can fool you about their true intentions ,or they are like camaleons ,and sametimes you meet this person in a fragility moment in your life when your guard are down and people take advantage of this...

[@terryskovronek1921]

My g-d, wandering. Right on. This will make me cry to write, but I will do it anyway. // For years I have been looking for a special necklace. Unrelated to that, my 3 sisters and I have been in conflict over an inheritance. The N. runs everything, I, as scapegoat am excellent at numbers & accounting, get the miserable role of point out the errors, the problems, the mis- accounting, the waste involved in the inheritance process (make me SO easy to hate), and the younger sister is the magnet, who is usually pulled to the N. Our conflict re: the estate was intensifying; the magnet was spending more time with me, and I thought maybe the inheritance thing would get solved ethically if the magnet would stand with me; together, we could require the N. do it all ethically and not just to the N's benefit. But it is hard going up again the N. Then one day at a fair, the necklace I'd always wanted appeared for sale. The magnet saw me admiring it, and said, "I'll help you pay for it"...something we NEVER have done in our lives. She reached in her wallet and pulled out a 20, I was grateful but confused, she has not a lot of extra money, I was econfused b/c...we didn't do stuff like this, & then she caught my eye as she handed the seller the bill. My chest griped tightly: I froze for second: I saw "IT." It was like E.S.P.: She was buying the necklace for me because she would soon betray me, and go along with the unethical actions of the N, leaving me the only one seeking moral and ethical behavior. I teared-up as I put it on. It was like the kiss of Judas... I knew it meant she would soon leave the side of morality and take what ever 'people pleasing' measures she would take to align with the N and walk the easier, softer, route. I will never forget that moment as long as I live. When the moment arrived, all I coudl think was, "I knew It would be you, Fredo, and you broke my heart", a mash-up of that famous line form the God Father II. Sure enough immoralality with the N is an easier road to walk then the tight path of ethical behavior. You get more money on the immoral path, in this case, too. Tis a heartbreak. So much is lost of such little gain.

[@louisecassidy5991]

Wandering Free ...You gotta listen to your instincts. I have a neighbour I'd spoken to on the phone but hadn't met in person. The first time I saw her she'd waltzed in late to a party. My feelings "She looks like trouble....." proved true. Gushy, not real. Sexy, manhunting. Oversensitive, "How dare you...." Horsey, but never rides unless something public is coming up, horses never fit, then rides with no hat or helmet, hair loose to the waist. Nup. She tries to be nice, but trying won't cut it for me, one is either nice or not. Leaves cat food in my mailbox, because her cat chose our hay shed over her. Leaves a bag of cat food and a pricey Christmas present in the mail box, to which I never respond. If I'm worth a Christmas present, its worth bringing it to the door. Left a container of soup on my rural gate post. You think I'm gonna eat food that's been sitting out on the gate post, with only an email to let me know?

[@anitazakarian908]

I have done this too! TRUST YOURSELF!

[@harleyquinn5774]

Same here.

[@mailill]

"Be. Slow. To. Commit." "Take your time." Soooooo important!

[@deepalall647]

Narcissists always rush you to enter into a relationship with them.Then they start telling you how to dress,who to talk to,what movies to watch and ridicule your choices.They even start choosing your diet for you.They tell you, you look ugly and unattractive even when you know it isn't true.They hurt you but NEVER apologize and instead they use sex to "apologize".They call you weak and mentally unstable.

[@jenniferfaravelli434]

I am so sorry for everything

[@pamelaborst6272]

I totally agree if it's there he or she will be there, and that's it !

[@pamelaborst6272]

I think I am I just pick the wrong guys and they are so nice in the beginning! I've been through the one who says I'm his soul mate at the end of this he pulled up he silent treatment I had to wait for him to call and if I seemed hurt or upset with his new rules ,well he wouldn't call or see me at all for 2 weeks.If I even snickered no contact 4 2 weeks! I'm realizing that he was cheating on me and he had planned at the very end to move in with some other woman he'd been seeing all along.I feel head over heels 4 him and I winded up pretty much giving him my all.He and my husband of 22 yrs almost destroyed me. I won't even allow myself 2;be with a man who is a very good man ? It's been 5 1/2 yrs now and I'm afraid this guy is going to fool me 2.¯\_ʘ‿ʘ_/¯ He's a complete 360 from my husband and my last boyfriend.Any suggestions ?

[@mailill]

@@pamelaborst6272 Maybe seeking some professional counsel could be an idea if old wounds and traumas make it hard to trust a new person (even one you describe as a very good man).

[@debsabatino311]

Dr. C, I always knew I was a magnet and it was a complete mystery why. I was always trying to figure it out. Then, in your book when pleasing you is killing me, you said one little thing that changed everything for me. "Everyone is born with worth." (Shouldn't use quotes, I'm not sure that's exact.) Anyway, that was my key. I thought I was born without worth and didn't know how to get it. Oh, I have it! I was born with it! Thank you with all my heart!

[@JB---]

Two of my three siblings have made it their mission in life to make sure I know I was born without worth, and I have never earned it, and I never will. Unfortunately, I believed them when I was growing up. Just came from a weekend with them, out of necessity, and that sadness is all over me again. They are not happy unless they are excluding their two unwanted (by them) siblings and their families. But when they see us in person, sometimes they are nice, act like we're friends. This time, we even got compliments. I keep trying to figure them out, but then I remember that they do not have logical, healthy reasons for what they do. They hug me and act friendly when others are around, and say terrible things to me via text or email, with nobody else copied in, of course. Then they act like it never happened. I'm friendly to them in person, too, but only because that's how I choose to treat people. I don't accuse or insult back at them when they say mean things to me in private. If I can help it, I don't have private conversations with them. I am so thankful that I have one sibling who is a generally healthy, kind-hearted person, and I have been clinging to that family and SO enjoying spending time with them, able to relax and be myself, and feel genuinely loved and liked. It's such a stark contrast. How did we all grow up in the same family?!!! deb sabetino, I am going to get Dr. Carter's book. I've been putting it off too long! Thank you for sharing that quote (or near-quote). God bless you!

[@JB---]

@Fluff Your Garfield Thank you! Same to you! I'm sorry you had to deal with that level of garbage! I know it is really hard! I'm glad you did what you had to do to take care of yourself!

[@JB---]

@Deplorable Cat I'm so sorry! I will pray for you.

[@breakthroughmoment1647]

Narcs make you feel abnormal. Love the intro of your video: “Moving on calm firmness.”

[@roberta6363]

Breakthrough Moment , I agree, love the change from previous intro!❤️

[@narcslayer4237]

As long as we are shining brightly, yes they will be drawn to us. Darkness is always drawn to the light.

[@katemcl1124]

Great answer NarcSlayer...I think we are (or I certainly was) drawn to the darkness just as much as they are drawn to the light. He was a mystery to me. Took me two years to solve that mystery...and then I left, just as he said I would!

[@godswarrior1239]

Neigh. Light reveals or exposes darkness. They can only handle so much light or not at all like a vampire dying in the sunlight. They really can't stand it. They hate that we shine bright that's why they try to destroy us. They try to put our light OUT!

[@AngelinaSrpska]

This is WHAT I ALWAYS SAY, TOO! WE SHINE LIKE THE NOONDAY SUN SO BRIGHTLY! SO ENTHUSIASTIC, SO FULL OF LIFE & LOVE, SO KIND & VIRTUOUS, THOUGHTFUL & SYMPATHETIC, RIGHTEOUS & TRUTH-SPEAKING! JUST HOLISTICALLY AUTHENTIC IN GOOD, VIRTUE LIGHT & LOVE! WE'RE THE TOTAL OPPOSITE OF THEM! LIKE NIGHT & DAY! I JUST KEEP TELLING EMPATHS, JUST KEEP SHINING YOUR LIGHT! SHINE ON, DEAR SOUL, SHINE ON! OUR KINGDOM IS THE KINGDOM OF GOD; THEY ARE OF SATAN'S KINGDOM. THERE IS NO OVERLAP! THERE IS A LITERAL CHASM BETWEEN US - EVEN NOW! SHINE ON, DEAR SOULS, SHINE ON! . . . Love & Best! + + + +Q-S/

[@1centwiz]

It is a battle between light and dark, good and evil, and we are the soldiers. Choose your army, put on the armor that God provides for us, Pray and see what happens. After my divorce, I really had it hard because I am disabled but still trying to get disability. Was denied the second time because ex narc lied and told them I was fine. He got everything I owned of value and I was kicked to the curb. You see I was the crazy one who couldn’t keep a job, but I am fine. He turned the church we went to together against me, I was asked to leave when I started asking questions, it made it uncomfortable for them because of the relationships he had with everyone. All the lies he had told were too difficult to distinguish at this point, hence making me the crazy one again. He acted like he was the victim. he acted like he had the right to take from me anything he wanted. He acted like I didn’t exist until he wanted to berate me or use my body for sex.(thankfully after my miscarriage he stopped having sex with me because he didn’t want me to have kids. Something I had waited all my life for.) NOW, when I am in the Post Office and he is there, he scurries away like a rat. When filling up at the gas station, I recognized his new truck license and smiled, he took his hoodie and put it over his head with his head bowed down in the passenger side and slinked the truck out of the gas station never filling up. And the last time I saw him was on my birthday in the parking lot on the supermarket. I drove in and he was talking to someone, at the same time on my stereo is a christian song about letting go, moving on, finding new love in Him, and I just smiled and said, “What a beautiful Day!” and kept driving. His own best friend, his words as he has no real friends all acquaintances really, apologized to me for believing him. Apparently after living on the same block as him, he realized I was NOT the person my ex always complained about. That was an eye opener! Now after almost 10 years, other people in town have also apologized and asked me back to church. Funny how convincing narcs can be even when I am sitting right there in front of them and not acting like he says I did. hmmm.... lol

[@anitazakarian908]

your comment is so truthful! If you are a loving person.. your LOVE ( being patient, enduring, not easily angered) will be used against you! I was trained? raised by NARCs....can you imagine? So I followed the " narc parenting plan" as a good kid and BAM this sets you UP! the best thing I found is learn yourself and LOVE YOU! TRUST YOU! I am working on ME.

[@actsfittolead]

I am a magnet. Sad to say. But one of the most important things I have learned that wasn't mentioned is SETTING BOUNDARIES. Do that from the very beginning of any new relationship. It will be off putting to a narcissist. And if someone doesn't respect your boundaries, you don't need them. Boundaries equal respect and honor. You are worth it.

[@walloffire2225]

He did an entire video on setting boundaries. It's really good.

[@AliceDont888]

The superficial charm and love-bombing will blow your mind if you don't know that it's all fake!! They target empaths.

[@AmaLoveGoddessTV]

Yeah it's off the chain. My coworker started right away doing that. I didn't take to him now he's mad. He tries to control me.

[@AliceDont888]

@@AmaLoveGoddessTV Don't give him a positive or negative response. Ignore him. Any type of response is just fuel for his ego. He's a little child inside who wants attention, but when he's done with you he'll toss you out like a piece of garbage. Don't let him fool you!

[@elanabethfariss117]

@@AmaLoveGoddessTV Oh the manipulative games, don't they ever get tired of themselves?

[@AmaLoveGoddessTV]

@@AliceDont888 I never responded so he started acting out. I had to end up embarrassing him in front of people 😂

[@jacquelinefroehle5868]

And always because they have no one at that time, feel alone, they hate being alone, manipulate, fool you, whatever it takes. Then, they are good for a time, and get bored, because no one is ever enough for them. It's only a game, they are run by the Ego thought system, which cannot love.

[@chaunceydumbuya3050]

1. Assuming that narcissistic person is Trustworthy, loyalty, conscious 2. To needy willing or thirsty to receive those flattering comments 3. You may give more weight to shallow ingredients 4. Narcissistic ppl is your norm 5. Dismissing your own feelings 6.Dont have a strong sense of assertiveness or u suppress your feelings too much 7. You think u can change a person 8.You take people on as a project, the more negative person is going to drag u down rather than u pull up the negative person 9. To available to the narcissist and buy in to the insecure messages 1. Be honest with your self worth the connect, discard, and reunite (they are not going to change and they are playing you) (Be slow to commit) 2. Give ppl 2 years and let time show u what u dealing with 3. You overall pattern of life match pitch with who I am 4. Listen to other people 5.It takes time for people to reveal themselves

[@patriciaearley4177]

Thank you 🙏

[@inksoulandheart]

Yep, all so true! Not listening to my intuition was my biggest mistake ... I rationalized myself out of my gut feelings because I was getting the attention I needed at the time.

[@ticklishmoose]

Elizaharp that’s easy to do. Parts of it feel so good, that it’s easy to dismiss those nagging doubts and disappointments. I’m trying to learn from this, and not beat myself up over making another mistake in seeing things for what they really were sooner

[@inksoulandheart]

@@ticklishmoose I guess we're in this together! Good luck on your learning journey :)

[@MR-ho3mo]

Yes, I believe some people initially think I am gullible but much to their disappointment I prove not to be. First impressions, I believe, can be very misleading, in my case anyway.

[@Chris-tg3qy]

If you look back on any narcissistic relationship you will always recognize one thing about the narc - they were off. Something about their personality was just off.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So true. Dr. C

[@deepalall647]

Yes,I am narcissist magnet! After being in a toxic relationship with three narcissists,I have become extremely shameless and rude towards people who try to insert themselves in my life thinking I am a pushover.I have learned to say no,I call out on their BS and refuse to listen to their sob stories.I block them and ghost them.I simply can't tolerate people who put their needs as their top priority,cut me off multiple times while I am talking,talk down to me or shower too much love/interest too soon.If it's too good to be true,be alarmed.Everything that shines isn't gold.

[@mrsmucha]

Same here. I walk away from narcissists and their bs.

[@marykoch1611]

Took me 60 years to finally set some healthy boundaries and cut chords with these manipulative individuals! Thank you for sharing this video and your wisdom with us!

[@melodysledgister2468]

Sadly, me too. 60 years is a long time.

[@cyndimoring9389]

took me 63 years.

[@summerhill93]

took me 55 years. what a rough ride it is.

[@nobodysomebody2719]

Yes! I'm so tired of being around her constant narcissist negativity, neglect and indifference! I dread going to my own house! Yes, house. A home is where love and respect are. A house is just a building of wood and stucco. Nothing loving in it!

[@chinookvalley]

Hope you are able to find your home sweet home. A house can be so very terribly lonely.

[@para1324]

Nobody Somebody Nobody, I am no contact with the ex narc that was in my life. I remember well the same dread about going to the the house as you say after work. Or having the weekend off with her. Stress all the time. I know that it effected my health physically and of course mentally. If you have not already I hope you are able to get out of that situation.

[@G2thesecondpower]

I understand this only all too well. Take care of yourself. Counseling has helped me through it. I am better able to detach. Get help if you need it; freinds probably don't understand so the situation can feel even more isolating. Take care .

[@KISStheSON...]

Yes, I am a magnet for the narc/Jezebel spirit...they are one and the same. They literally FEED off of our energy.

[@faithhope4480]

Are we a magnet or do we just keep hoping for a different outcome? It's a painful experience, on life's rollercoaster. I wish you well in overcoming the narc vampire(s)

[@dinamite7523]

What is the jezebel spirit

[@vals74]

Dinamite 7 - sexual temptation. They dress and act sexually provocative.

[@JSmedic1]

@@vals74 ... it is more than just sexual temptation. It is altogether rebellion in any form. Calling it ther spirit of Jezebel is extravagant. Rebellion.

[@JSmedic1]

@@vals74 it is not about dressing sexy. Men with a spirit of rebellion take advantage, act as predators ... lie, misuse, manipulate, gaslight.

[@danielcase1046]

When a narcissist is acting nice my radar is on and red flags are flying. They are just setting you up for the kill.

[@cynthiaspell9405]

I used to be...because I used to be a codependent, people pleaser. Your book, “When Pleasing You is Killing Me,” was very helpful in my journey toward wholeness. Now I have a narcissist radar. I can quickly pick when a person is more interested in making sure I know how great they are than they are in asking to learn about me! So nice to be free from damaging relationships!

[@mariaseidi4764]

That great ,it's the same with me ,that's the good thing about growing older and have been through life pain ,struggle and desappointments,you start to see trougth people bullshit ,trust your gut feelings,you know what you want and you learn to put yourself first always...

[@Motivation_U2]

I learned - 'don't get cornered, financially...always keep your items yours...car, bank account, credit score...that's enough; so that you can escape, not if but when! If that's a problem for the other person, then your ARE with a Narcissist.

[@walloffire2225]

Excellent advice. Don't co-sign, loan money or give access to your property.

[@lynnfincham6839]

👍

[@emilygraham1153]

Helping a narc is akin to sacrificing yourself on the alter of the absurd. Emily Liberty

[@lentilgoddess]

Love it.

[@joannasaadati8810]

#8 kicks in for me when it comes to children. Whenever my daughter has a friend who's parent seems neglectful I always made myself available for them and then the parents end up using me (leaving their kids with me for 12 hours when a 2 hour playdate was planned). Great advice on taking things slow Dr. C!!

[@chinookvalley]

"...habituated to narcissists." Boy, does THAT sum it up! I"m so exhausted of "going along to get along"! I try so hard not rock the boat. I have changed, and I hope it is in the right direction. Lobster tank syndrome: as one lobster is struggling to get out of the tank he is pulled back in just as he gets to to top of the tank. I'm exhausted. I can't win, and finally realize what is going on. In my 60's and still opening my eyes.

[@christinebuckingham8369]

chinookvalley You’re not alone - it’s never too late for us to learn! Best wishes and good luck! 🍀👍 💖

[@darrellluck7230]

I could have written your exact comment...in my 60's too. Nice to get an understanding of all the weird behavior I've dealt with over the years.

[@Handlegrip]

Why is it so hard to find someone who understands the pain from narcissistic abuse. I see people on KZbin but never in person. I feel so misunderstood

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Stick with us. I'm hoping you will find some form of empathy and encouragement. Dr. C

[@vals74]

I find myself wondering if everyone in my life is a narcissist. After so many years of narcissistic relationships, it makes me wonder if I have ever had a healthy relationship. 🤔🤔🤔 I believe they take our kindness and patience for weakness. Guess I’m still in the learning process. What do you think Gus? ☺️🐶🦴

[@emilygraham1153]

Val Identity Woof, woof!! 😁 🐕 xx

[@cyndimoring9389]

I have had at least 3 ex-narcs as boyfriends and 1 as a parent (mom) They all preferred nurses and teachers (I'm a teacher) because they know they'll give you multiple chances. It wasn't until I stopped dating, starting reading about my own insecurities and ways of defending against narcs that I learned as a child w/ my mom, that I recognized and allowed a kind, loving man into my life. He wasn't the one but now both my eyes and my heart were open and my soulmate walked into my life. This time I recognized him.

[@jacquelinefroehle5868]

Yes they do take our kindness and patience for weakness. There are lots of them in this world, and it seems like that number may be increasing. What they will do is so tricky.

[@stelamorgado7015]

I feel the same...is there anyone just normal out there?

[@Free2B3]

It's a spectrum, ranges from possessing extreme or high narcissistic traits, to midrange, to low or none, which is rare.Those on the high end are the ones diagnosed of NDP. We all fall somewhere in that spectrum line as *everyone* has the capability and the possibility to display this traits to certain levels.

[@crowquilltarot]

Absolutely a magnet...and I'm feeling utterly defeated because they seem to be everywhere I look. They certainly run in families. My father has passed, I've gone no contact with two siblings. I'm close to a niece whose mother is an overt narcissist, so I limit that commitment. Turn on the evening news and watch them reek havoc with my country. Can't hang out with 2 siblings who married them. I've cut off so-called friendships when I realize I'm being used. Retired early when the lightbulb went off as to why I couldn't please the boss. Divorced the narcissist I married 30 years ago. Even my therapist is obliviously married to a "rock star," so how far can she help? I had been making excuses for bad behavior, blaming Asperger's and substance abuse (also factors), calling these people "rage-aholics" until I recently learned about narcissists and recognized this pattern running through my life. I've learned assertiveness; it does not work here. These people are highly toxic. I've been the caretaker since early childhood, so yes, it's a lifelong habit - but I sure am alone now at 66. Not only would I be slow to commit, I'm not sure I will ever get to know anyone again, even as a friend. This is a pervasive and insidious epidemic, Dr. C. I do not know ANYONE who isn't dealing with this abuse. Please keep addressing this in your loving, kind way.

[@zealandzen]

I'm told I'm "so friendly" and "non-threatening." I was conditioned at a young age! I've always turned the other cheek, been bullied and taken advantage of. I'm older and just discovered my lifelong naivety.

[@pialindeg]

I know the feeling

[@kyles99]

Unlike the narcissists, we can self-reflect and it's important to do so to protect ourselves in the future. I think highly empathic, kind and caring people are the main targets of these monsters. They hunt us like sharks because they are drawn to qualities in us they can never possess. Always enforce strong boundaries, listen to your intuition and know and act on red flags etc. You can never change them and you will only hurt yourself if you try. xxx

[@NeilHynes]

''Let time show you what your dealing with'' - Such good advice.

[@Rabbitsarewonderful]

Yikes. If this were a checklist, I just checked off every box. This explains a whole lot. Thank you for making this video.

[@ericherman5413]

Am I a magnet for people who abuse and are narcissistic? Yes.

[@SierraNovemberKilo]

I think I knew more as a young person and kept myself away from abusive people. The older I've got and the more times e.g. in work situations, I've had to deal with noxious people on a long term basis, I've become insensitive to my own gut feelings. This is a timely reminder! 5* video. Thank you.

[@girlysmom9432]

My brother, YES! Me...nope! I’ve learned an immense amount from you Dr C, thank you very much for that. I watch every video & pass on to my brother. 🙂

[@Motivation_U2]

That's me...well was me....I can feel and just see the look in their eyes, "There's one I can move in on". Even with my wise armor...still gives me the chills and hair stands up on the back of my neck. So creepy, deceptive and evil....

[@autismwalk6855]

Wow.... Dr. Carter hit it right on the head. I have to work on myself more.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

One thing I have realized over the years is that when we are a kind person hating to be rude or mean to anyone, the narcissist sees this as weak and works in an attempt to get us to falter so they can blame us for something. They believe we are better than they and cannot stand it. We don't think we are better we just like a better way, a way they cannot be. I have been blamed by extended family members for things that were not true but were true in them. I remember a time when my brother came into a room on Thanksgiving day acting angry, the way he walked, and the hard look on his face. I never knew what caused it but he sat down in a chair, crossed his legs swinging the crossed one, arms folded in front of him and his face was turning red. He made a statement and I disagreed with it, he suddenly said "you seem angry", but I was perfectly calm, no anger at all. I was thankful that my husband saw this because in the past I tried to explain how my family acts when he isn't around and he didn't believe me. I think it happened this time because they had convinced themselves my husband was on their side. On the way home, it was my husband who said; "what was wrong with Bernie." I considered this a blessing from God because on the way to their house that day I had prayed that the Lord would protect me from them. He not only did that but he exposed my brother to my husband. After this, my husband no longer pressures me to go and see them for any holiday. This was a perfect classic example of a narcissist accusing me of what he was doing and I was not. Now he believes me!!!! YAY!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

This is called growth! Dr. C

[@tldrnkh2o2]

I wish you held a Sunday Service, because with this one I keep screaming 'AMEN!!' Thank you!

[@SuzyBuckwheats]

So for me I grew up with narcissist parents, I didn't listen to my gut, I am basically honest, have a ethic for my life and I just want friends. I just ended a 10yr relationship with my bff and the funny thing is that my gut kept screaming at me and I never listened. The straw came when she tried to blame and shame me, I just had enough also listening to these videos and dealing with family members with this exact same issue. There were so many red flags and because we were like "sisters" I ignored them. That should have told me something because my sister's are very narcissist as well! These videos and many more are returning my sense of self, and my mental health is more important than dealing with a best friend that didn't give two craps about me. She always wanted to know about me and never shared any info, ignored me at parties and went thru long periods w/o returning my phone calls. I am done and my family members I am keeping on the shelf. Thanks for these videos they are saving my life!

[@esthervelasquez6205]

Dr. Les Carter i just can't get enough of all your intelligence of knowing how some people operate in their minds i don't really know what this person saw in me. I wanted to date longer but he suggested we were old enough to get married like it was nobodies business but as soon as we got married only to discover his complaining accusations, threats, name calling, and blaming it was a real nightmare well we're divorced now only after being married 1yr and 6mos and i forget to mention the outburst of anger towards me only after he left did i look up people with outburst of anger and what was really underneath that character is when i found your videos how I've learned alot or m some human behaviors thank you for sharing your wisdom 🙋😇🙏💟

[@PlanetImo]

Wow. Some seriously sage advice here.

[@lissacablerware8475]

I’m too kind to jerks. My boundaries must have aged along with me. Trustworthiness and loyalty are unknown to narcissistic people.

[@lustocroper4681]

You are the first person i started listening to back in March. First few clips hair on my body rose and that doom and gloom feeling hit me with the reality of the last 7 years. You are very informative, soothing calm voice, and genuinely seem like a caring person. So yeah thank you very much Les all of your videos and other resources are greatly appreciated. Oh and also like how you just dont only go after the narcs but tools like myself for allowing this to happen right under our noses. I'd still not know what all those uneasy deep feelings of despair i felt many times.

[@pavla2055]

Good advice here . I wish I had known it 30 yrs ago but I did eventually figure out that I was attracting narcissists into my life . Having been raised by narcs and then marrying one that I actually didn't realize until he had me feeling TOTALLY WORTHLESS by age 45 , I am MUCH more aware of them around me now . It certainly has made me much more guarded and my walls are pretty high now as I don't completely trust my own judgement sometimes . I think narcissists can almost 'smell' you out but I mostly do now get a strong sense when I'm in the presence of one .

[@walloffire2225]

Regarding the narcissist's ability to "smell" their next victims...I think it may be more primal than that...I think they pick up a frequency, like a shark that senses the compression of prey thrashing around in the water.

[@CorporateQueen]

Thank you for your generous assistance. I really appreciate your gracious concern.

[@kellyjoslin4317]

Thank you for making us aware about the narcissist trap in all thing we do with them day to day thing ❤️

[@rachel2journal]

Thank you for this. I am a very loyal person and give people too much benefit when it comes to glaring personality issues. I forgive too much and don't realize I am being betrayed by their need for me to supply them with energy.

[@TrueIndie88]

In a romantic relationship, they move fast! They become your 'soul mate' and make you feel like a genius. Beware. Thanks Doc.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So true. Dr. C

[@calledtobefree387]

No, thank you Dr.C for being apart of my journey. You've helped me more than you could know

[@MargaretWalkerCellist]

Thank you Les: Les is MORE! Dr. Les Carter is GIVING, and his giving is our receiving MORE! Thank you!

[@jeffv7726]

More of the truth without B.S.Just ordered your book on anger thats hurts me.Thank you sir!

[@judymccarthy9423]

Those of us who have had or are in "Helping Professions" need to be especially careful don't we?!! Good advice..."BE SLOW TO COMMIT". Thank you again Dr. Carter.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So true. We want to be kind, but we don't need to become suckers. Dr. C

[@venussonjiayerkovich4563]

yes. have done exactly those.... some of them. No longer. I disconnected the chains.

[@Lijana888]

first of all they might give you lots of compliments to tell you how kind, caring and amazing you are but watch out later on they take advantage of you.They also let you know their past traumas, if they tell you that quickly, they definitely are playing a victim ! Narcissist always want to draw you in quickly & that is such a red flag!

[@walloffire2225]

Ah yes, the empathy trap. This where they resemble the psychopath.

[@gnrncrue]

EXCELLENT! So important to look at our own vulnerabilities first!

[@jen3722]

I was born to and raised by a full-blown, raging narcissistic mother. Decades of abuse at her hand has created the empath I am. I have boundaries, am secure and confident in who I am, but it seems that narcissistic personalities can sense who I am anyway. I work hard to not respond or react to their "game". It is very difficult being a "magnet." I have often felt I was born with a giant "M" tattooed onto my forehead!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Time to do some sort of tattoo removal. Dr. C

[@69LOLIN]

That dog is so relaxed back there just enjoying the talk! 💕👍

[@baljinderbhopal9035]

What life has taught me...My mother, sister, husband all got me addicted to their charm and feel good vibe. They were like dealers to me giving drugs away for free. Once I was hooked I was theirs so they could just do whatever they wanted. Abstinence from the drug the narcissist peddles is the only way I've got sober from my narc addiction. These people need people addicts for their supply.

[@judysangregorio2787]

Great advice, spot on! Gus is the poster dog for relaxation. Adorable!

[@LizCiccone]

Thank you for the reminder in dealing with the Narcissist, it bears repeating. Hugs and kisses to you Gus!

[@CHixon]

I used to work for a narcissistic boss. However, he paid very good money, so I stuck around. Based on the long run situation, I thought it worked for me, and still do. Satisfied with the outcome. He passed away, so that's that.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

If there is not a strong personal investment, you can get by. Dr. C

[@cadencechrome4783]

Guilty, guilty, guilty. Learning to listen to my instincts and identifying the whys and reasons from my childhood on. This is so helpful, thank you.

[@suecleveland3226]

thank you for all your hard work on these videos. It is a light for me in darkness living with a narcissist. I wasted 44 years of my life not knowing why this is happening to me. 44 years without love, trust, laughter. Only blame and negative everything. If I had only known before I married that man......but too late for me now...I lost that girl inside of me who was full of love and laughter. I don’t know where she went or how I can find her again. If any of you have the chance to get away...do it now! Before you end up like me. My only hope is death where he cannot follow me and control me anymore.

[@jakskeys]

Thank you 🙏 for this. Both parents were narcs. Father overt. Mother covert. So all my relationships were with narcs and I’m sick of it. Every partner has had a different age, background, physical appearance and personality but their true colours have eventually come out and i just didn’t understand how or why I always seem to end up miserable and back to square one. Your video described every single mistake I’ve ever made when I get involved in a new relationship. Time to apply what you’ve advised if I want a different outcome. Big hugs for you and the adorable Gus 🐶 🤗 xx

[@jakskeys]

Fluff Your Garfield it’s set me free but painful too

[@richardlandis793]

In the search for self-worth, I recommend motivational videos such as Norman Vincent Peale, Napoleon Hill, Zig Ziglar and others in this genre. There is life after narcissism.

[@vilmarios3388]

Dr Carter is without doubt the best and Gus is adorable!! 😍😊

[@biancavonmuhlendorf2608]

Just be forwarned if someone seems "to good to be true"-usually it is the same trap again.

[@Sharonlee334]

Thank you for this! Hey Gus!! 💖

[@demigaines5644]

Thank You For Sharing Yes I Am Definitely A 🧲 Magnet For A Narcissists.I Have Deep Compassion. Empathy.And I’m Caring, I Seem To Attract Narcissists. Narcissists Seems To Think The World 🌎 Revolves Around Them They Have No Lack Of Ability To Empathize With Others And Desire To Keep The Focus On Themselves At All Times. Narcissists Are Very Selfish Ppl.

[@autismwalk6855]

Stay away from narcissists (NPD). Very dangerous and unhealthy.

[@demigaines5644]

JP's Virtual Journal They Are You Are Absolutely Right

[@vals74]

That is the truth!!! 🙄

[@demigaines5644]

Val Identity It Really Is

[@lolly9080]

It’s very simple once someone sits there spouting off about this that and the other and you realise they have no respect for you then that’s it cut them out of your life.

[@jenniferannfox2316]

I was looking at Gus stretching out behind you and smiling. He is precious. My Abbie, a long white hair chihuahua is right by me. She sends her love........lol. The topic today hits home for me. I've often wondered how I end up with who I do but raised by a narcicist and still fall in the trap even after a couple of years of counseling. I worked in the helping profession of nursing and naturally care alot. I thought it was my strength but at the same time I think its a weakness as people target caring folks I think.

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

Your "I thought it was my strength..." almost made me cry... that is how I feel, too. Take care.

[@shawnathacker56]

Thank you for your videos! 🙏❤️ God bless

[@TheAncksunamen]

I think I used to be a narcissist magnet but thank God for you Dr. Carter and your education in narcissism, I'm aware, alert and my red flag radar is always on. I think whether anyone has had narcissistic abuse in their life, they need to be educated. I hope people can avoid the abuse before it happens. I wish I'd been educated years ago, I know my life would've been so different. On a happier note.... Coffee in hand, my morning with Dr. Carter and sleepy little Gus in the background, my day has already been made My love and thanks to you Dr. Carter and little Gus! ❤🐶

[@para1324]

Shelly Leah I agree with you about wishing having been aware and educated much earlier in my life about narcs. There was not ready information like Dr. Carter gives. 👍

[@TheAncksunamen]

@@para1324 I wish you well in your healing!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Why, thank you Shelly! Dr. C

[@para1324]

Shelly Leah Thank you, and for your as well.

[@wallymarcel1]

Great video and exactly what I needed to hear today after yet another soul crushing from one of my many narc family members.

[@robinmartin7835]

All great points. Thank you for addressing this topic. ❤️

[@funlovinbloke6266]

It is so true what you say in this video. The subjects you describe those things happened to me. But I discovered the covert narcist in my ex partner after 4 months in our relationship. And yes, I was so happy at the beginning of our relationship with my partner that some things went very quick. She pulled my into her private world very fast and before I knew I got caught in her games. And I had the feeling I had to save her by helping her, but instead that made it more impossible. A narcist drains your energy, physicly and emotional. The most sad thing I went through is that there are children involved. It seems that my ex didn't care what happened with her young children in this relationship. They are also victims and sadly raised by their narcistic mother and grandparents. Very sad. That still hurts me sometimes. Although they were not children of my own, I was crazy about them.

[@mariel9180]

Very helpful video! Listen to your gut, and don't put those feelings aside thinking oh well there are so many good points. You know something is not right in your gut

[@bearofdeath]

Gus is so cute 🤗 thank you Dr. Les Carter, I'm so grateful for your guidance. ❤️🙏

[@RamsesReturns]

Well I had a narcissistic father, for sure... I’m am creative, and others often want me to create something for or with them, and when I see their controlling behavior I tend to shut those avenues down... and naturally they seem to get worse. It’s good that professionals like yourself can share your knowledge. You guys have been quiet too long as culture has been in a free fall. Good stuff here.

[@pamelaborst6272]

My last guy I was with was a Narc.He said we were soulmates and I feel head over heels for him!He called every minute he could asked for my sons approval to be married ! He was the biggest fake we were inseparable, all of a sudden he started the silent treatment,was cheating and was playing games with me.If I did not do what he told me he would say he has the right to punish me like not come over ,I could only call him when he said so and he had a right to cheat if I continued to act hurt! What a real piece of fake garbage he truely turnedbout to be ! I've never been so happy to have this fake ,cruel you know what permanently out of here!

[@pamelaborst6272]

Dont tell anyone you date any personal thing bout you unless you know him and been dating awhile,be careful.

[@JCB.PSALM_23_KJV]

Thanks again Dr. Carter! Another good message on being the.survivor instead of the victim.🌤️👍

[@joec1212]

What would be categorized by a real Npd person may be fewer and farther between, but self centered people with high narcissistic tendencies are everywhere. Dont feel bad if you've ran into more than one. You'll learn to spot them better, and learn to be able to let go faster of people that dont fit into your lives.

[@kingsagenda]

Ha! I remember after just the first few long conversation with my ex narc I actually called him a breath of fresh air. I really believed that I had found my soulmate. I don't think I could ever trust anyone like that again.

[@panoplia5167]

Hello Dr Carter, it's been awhile, but great to hear you again. It's actually remarkable how much 'Peace' I've had since there's been no contact with my family (?). It happened quite like a miracle, because my phone had to be reset & lost all their #'s. Lord God has a way of making things right for you sometimes. Through their noticeable absence there have been many realizations & I'm grateful. Hear you soon ...( you must have a mirror up, Gus did wake but only a moment) later Doc & Gus Kate

[@kayk2083]

I sincerely want to thank you for your videos, Dr. Carter. I was married to a narcissist for 25 years and he left because he claimed he was losing his soul (blamed me). I was devastated and went through extensive counseling because I truly believed that it was all my fault. That is also when I first learned about narcissists. It has taken me literally years to recover, but I have recovered and am stronger than ever. I stumbled upon your videos and they have been so enlightening - like a breath of fresh air. You are an excellent teacher and your explanations and examples have helped me piece together what I know to the whys and wherefores of this disturbing personality disorder. I am so eternally grateful and appreciative. Watching this video today, I see many characteristics on your list that describe me and I can see how I was sucked in. Every one of your videos has given me validation that I was manipulated by a master. No more and never again. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[@pamcarter6595]

Another great video with some great information thank you Dr. Carter...💜

[@lilianproencademenezesmont4161]

Adorable Gus is sleeping so quietly. It 's nice to see him. Hello from Brazil , Dr. Les Carter.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hi Lilian!

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

In all the years I have learned these things. When the whole room is enamored with someone because of superficial things I am not impressed, others don't understand me because of this. I don't try to act disinterested but I really am just not interested in superficial things like appearances. I look to the character almost immediately, I see the signs of narcissistic tendencies first before any "classiness." I have a daughter who looks constantly at how someone dresses or what kind of car they drive, without ever speaking about character. I think I am the rain on everyone's parade because I am silent when they speak of silly things. LOL, LOL!!!! I don't mind talking about pretty flowers or walks in the park but when it comes to personal things about someone it won't be how good they look.

[@spacehaustrace]

I get it!!!

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

This is a quite healthy attitude! Congrats! 😊

[@melodysledgister2468]

You are not alone, Gwendolyn.

[@michelegray5970]

Agreed!!

[@isabelespinosa3369]

The biggest red flag that I should have seen and Dr. Les Carter mentions, the narcissist trying to get you to commit and settle down very very quickly. They make it seem as if you should be flattered and you are that special to them. It happened to me, and once we moved in together, this person changed dramatically and he turned out to be a very mean person who wanted to hurt me emotionally and mentally and control me.

[@jeffwhite7355]

My mom,covert narc,removed all my pictures from her room at the nursing home( she's 90) However my brothers, the golden child, his pictures were not touched. Yet, I am the only one that visits her on a weekly basis. A couple years ago she also added very negative,hurtful remarks about me in my baby souvenir book, writing them in ink, great memories eh? How can a mother be so hurtful!!!?? Anyway Gus looks comfy.

[@jeffwhite7355]

Fluff Your Garfield thanks for sharing,yes I was and always still am the scapegoat,although in my youth both myself and my brothers roles flip flopped back and forth between scapegoat and golden child, it wasn't until I got married that I officially became forever bad.

[@artluver1329]

This was soooo helpful! I relate to every one of these, especially when I was being isolated from friends who didn't like my ex. I also didn't trust my instincts which were correct. (That's me on the white horse 🐎Hah!) I am saving this one!!! Thank you 💗

[@theresaz.3509]

Thank you Dr. Carter. I, unfortunately, reconnected with my narcissist after he convinced me he was a changed man. Granted the angry outbursts slowed down but the disrespect and condescension remained. I’m still a work in progress but continue to work on myself to get free once and for all. Keep the videos coming....and keep including Gus ❤️🐶

[@louwa9867]

Thank you so much for this channel. I can't believe this information is free. It is so well presented and informative. This is pure gold in value.

[@conniewheeler962]

Tell gus hi! I got 3 old hound dogs! They are sweet. Had 4. Lost one last year. Broke my ❤. Old papa dog not doing well. I count my blessings with him. I will see him thro! My 1st puppydog! Old mammy dog still alive, and sister. Her pup. God has been good to us! Old daddy dog still guarding the homefront! Old man is, solid gold! My hero!

[@anne-to5cg]

I am definitely a narcissist magnet. I resent having to watch out for them

[@martilyn1925]

This video helped me understand some important characteristics about myself and why I have fallen for some narcissistic men in my past. Thank you so much.

[@odette8905]

Some beautiful pointers Dr C - and I have to say I ticked all those boxes. I have since learned to choose more carefully those to whom I offer my trust, empathy, sensitivity and support. Thank you for this wonderful video. As ever, you are a guiding light. Loving little Gus snoozing in the background. Would love to snooze right there with him! 😄

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hey Odette, sometimes I wonder if I bore Gus! Dr. C

[@odette8905]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Hi Dr C - that's not possible! He just loves the lull, love and warmth of your voice, as do we all. 😊

[@FinalBoys1982]

This all makes me cry. I could have never imagined that being a good person can cause you to be in so much danger. I fell for a horrible narcissist who nearly ruined my life ok just 2 years. Ugh now I have to undo all the harm he caused. I’m angry at myself for falling for that horrible person.

[@ticklishmoose]

In a word... YES! In my narc marriage of 35 yrs I was always stupid, always to blame etc etc. So when the next one came along and gave me high praise I was drawn in immediately. It felt good to finally be valued!! In trying to break away, he tip toes into pulling me back in, putting his narc spin on everything he does, that I was never treated badly by him, he needs and values my opinion, he appreciates the things I do. But here is what I came to realize....my basic relationship needs were always way down the list. He just doesn’t get it, and never will bc he is an empty shell, only capable of blowing smoke up my ass to get his supply. The promises are empty. It’s not entirely his fault. He told me who he was...my problem was believing there was actually something deeper in that hollow black heart. I’ll be more careful in the future 💔

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Ok, Moose. Keep it moving in the right direction! Dr. C

[@ticklishmoose]

Surviving Narcissism give that cutie-patootie Gus a nice belly rub from me! And thank you for helping to keep me determined and strong!!