Are You A Narcissist's Doormat?

[@BudFuddlacker]

I’ve been the ultimate people pleaser with no personal boundaries for decades-probably because I was always terrified of my shaming Narc father my entire childhood and even into adulthood. I recently became self aware of all this Narcissistic crap and I’m not allowing it anymore. I gray rock the shit outta all my narcissistic family members now. It’s been a much lonelier journey recently, but damn if I don’t feel better

[@marieldavison5121]

Ditto brother!

[@shahadah1451]

Same here, Bud! Alone but free, that is me! My father trained the family how to discount me, even my own daughter. Now I am just waiting for the holidays to pass and then I will sue for the right to see my grandson.

[@RufanaDenmark]

You're basically describing my life, lol.

[@DJH97]

Exact same here. Whole family system like that Narc parents. Moved into another county. It is lonely but until I continue in therapy and learn to trust again I will take the loneliness.

[@reginafarias]

I've spent decades running from my family and now that everybody is gone I miss them and feel terrible. I've lost my identity. I was part of that family and now I am nothing. If I had another chance, I would try another strategy of getting along with my parents and grandparents.

[@mpicos100]

Finally we are so tired of being Nice to people, there are so many narcs that we spend much Energy just trying to figure out who is trustful

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

Yes Marco we finally reach the point of were not taking it anymore

[@carolnahigian9518]

( God forgive me) glad my Mom died; she enabled TOXIC cousin Windy Dee: W.D. the alcoholic, Toxic USER.

[@colton4894]

Oh I'm tired of it there's way too many of them and they spot us before we figure them out best bet is f everyone

[@dougplace895]

I'M SO EXTREMELY TIRED OF BEING NICE AS WELL!!!!

[@angelajane3913]

I’ve redirected mine to my elderly mother who has survived a malignant ex husband followed by the scapegoating by a covert daughter. A lifetime of doormat treatment!

[@deirdramcdonald6036]

Hi Dr. C Finally after 26 yrs. divorced the worst types of narcissist known to man. Your sessions have helped me beyond words and made me realize that I'm not the crazy one after all. I can't begin to thank you enough for all your insights and guidance, you are truly amazing and for yhat I thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You just made my day, Deirdra. Thanks for passing this along!

[@stephaniejosey9499]

Yes I agree. Dr. C is an Angel from above sent here to help those of us in need and most likely has SAVED lives with the sharing of this knowledge. 🙏🏼 my dad killed himself when I was just 20 years old because of a narcissist mom and wife (who is my mom) and trytried to the same thing to me but I broke free!

[@metehansahin3077]

Free people

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

Sadly, i had convinced myself i was a “welcome sign” and then finally realized welcoming anyone and everyone for the sake of wanting to be seen as a welcoming person is the equivalent of being a doormat. My sign now is clear to welcome everyone with conditions of no soliciting… violators will be towed. Peace and freedom, Team Healthy! Light and love 💜

[@sturobertson6791]

Ha ha stampin. Words of power again. Iviolators will be towed. That's gone in my toolbox. Cheers ☀️☀️☀️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Kelly...that's a clever way to put it!!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

You too ❤

[@sallyjaynes2433]

Life, light & tranquility is my *Soul desire ‼️🙏

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

@@LiveforHim73 i completely understand, Claudia. Completely. Do you listen to Dr Ramani’s podcast… Navigating Narcissism? The past two sessions were a two part interview… i highly recommend it. From Jay you shared here, i highly recommend you take a listen to these two sessions… titled “Why Didn’t They Believe Me.” Hope it helps. Sending you big understanding hugs 💜

[@sirtedricwalker2979]

"Blessed are the Doormats, for they shall see Heels"

[@Gettingback997]

To heel !!!

[@aquagirl9228]

I love this saying 😊

[@karlabritfeld7104]

Hahaha

[@alysiahite7086]

They don't like NO for a answer. This gal walked out the door 4 years ago.

[@aaronkwolfe]

After rejecting her love bomb attempts, my (estranged, narcissistic) wife fled 7+ years ago. Ah, the freedom!

[@joanwilkins8795]

Dear Dr. C. I have survived with your videos bolstering my confidence in dealing with my narcissistic daughter finally going no contact two years ago. Totally worn down with her demands, drinking, insults . Just said goodbye on the telephone and calmly hang up. To keep my resolve in going no contact I listen to every video and want you to know that your a friend to all of us on team healthy. Sending love from Dorset, England.

[@aaronkwolfe]

If you mean I am outside the threshold of her control, then, Yes.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Good point 👍

[@GreatScot0425]

I have seen DOZENS of Dr. Carter's videos on narcissism. EVERYTHING he says is so true and helpful.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Karen. I'm honored.

[@tbunnyshy1]

Yes, I am the family doormat but it’s getting smaller. 😂 I don’t have to take it anymore. I accept them for who they are and I take care of myself the very best I can by coming here. ❤ Thank you!

[@JesusIsTheWay.Truth.Life.]

Doormat no more! 🙋🏻‍♀️ You're the only one who can stop people from wiping their shoes on you! Set your boundaries and keep them in place! Thanks, Dr. C !!💯🌹

[@oscarwilliamson1128]

Dreene,You are beautiful 😍,Hope you are not with a narcissist….

[@nancykaczmarz8874]

I now have no close friends (narcissists) I finally realized these people were takng advantage of me because I was so nice (doormat) now I don't trust many people! I'm sad about this because I misjudged them and will I ever trust again?🥰🥰🥰

[@TC-gx3qn]

It is sad but it is far better to have no friends than fake frenemies. The more you learn the better you will be able to avoid them in the future. 💕

[@karlabritfeld7104]

Not everyone is a narcissist. You might have a problem. See a therapist.

[@yellowbird5411]

"Constantly on the prowl" is right! Almost everything is a game to them. They get such obvious pleasure out of batting people around to see how they will react. Poking, taunting, insulting, accusing - it is SO tedious. They will use you as a doormat whether you let them or not, because there is always the telephone.... : ( and leaving messages. Many, many messages.....They are such sick people.

[@sturobertson6791]

'poking, taunting, insulting, accusing'... You nailed it! ... I completely agree ☀️☀️

[@shelley7975]

Yep, they are always looking for the angle that puts them in the better position. Once you figure it out you stop being their doormat and you let the door hit them on the way out of your life. Eventually they will become the victims of their own madness, and so be it!

[@aliceroberts1980]

When it’s constant, it’s so exhausting. Never stops actually love the silent treatment. Good shut up leave me alone.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Yep!

[@secondhorizon]

their doormat is at the entrance ~ yours is at the exit

[@yellowbird5411]

They are abusers. If you saw someone slap another person for no reason in public, would you pretend it didn't happen? Enabling verbal and emotional abusers by ignoring their awful abuse just tells them they got away with it and can carry on. I don't advocate for fighting with them, as it is always a losing proposition. But you do not have to stand there and listen to it. I now have an absolute intolerance for it. The second he starts on his nonsense I say, "Gotta go!" And I leave. It's like a swarm of bees just attacked me and I can no longer sit there and be polite. I do not want to compromise myself by rolling in the mud with him over his childish/selfish behavior, so I just leave. I've watched him target his victims in a store where they are behind a counter and cannot leave. He will rattle on for an hour all about himself, while the store clerk just stands there trying to be polite. These are his favorite "Victims of the Day." I don't know how he doesn't get his lights punched out.

[@gillianbrookwell1678]

I was my narcissist's doormat for over 40 years just going along with whatever he wanted until I finally stood up to him and told him, I've had enough. He couldn't cope with this; we have now been separated for nine years and although it's been lonely at times, I'm my own person at last. I did have some counselling for 12 months and that helped a lot.

[@janebuchanan3684]

I keep hoping my sister-in-law will dump my brother after 30 years. I hope you're doing well. That took a lot of courage for you to change your life after 40 years. Brava 🌹

[@jimbobeire]

Good for you. I hope you're getting stronger every day.

[@karlabritfeld7104]

Good for you. Finally is better than never.

[@DJH97]

Oh gosh. This was my exact life for decades. Kept telling him I was just his doormat. When I started standing up and setting boundaries the marriage went downhill. He let me know boundaries are bad. He didn’t like them. Divorced him last year. He moved 1000 miles away. Thank you Dr C.

[@primroselexy3373]

Exactly what im going through, enaf is enaf nd they dont really like boundaries indeed

[@ZarpeParadise]

Sure fire sign, when you stop pleasing them or have objections, you're left in a trail of dust. Blessed are those that escape their clutches.💕

[@ilovejesuschrist992]

They absolutely hate boundaries

[@rhondaredeemedprodigal]

I've been watching your videos for a while now and participate in your live streams. I already know and knew I was my narcissistic husband's doormat. I guess I was in denial for a while even though I knew how he was, also didn't know what he was for a while. I have to say you brought my 13 years with him this far and wrapped it all up in your 13 minute video. Tears started streaming down my face and different emotions flushed all over my mind as I listened to you sum it up. Thanks to you I figured out what I was going through with a covert narcissist aunt and brave enough to dig into myself. I'd heard codependent from 1990 first time I went to counselling on my 22 birthday. I had been molested by an aunt, almost killed in a car at 17 by a boyfriend I broke up with and summer before I turned 20 was raped by a bus driver so that title came up as I was about to marry my first husband who was 11 years older than me. I realized after my covert narcissist aunt and me being codependent was driving me crazy and I was allowing her because I had no boundaries and loved to serve, rescue, fix and save. But it was killing me. After over a year later to date I had to say goodbye to her. I continued to watch you and Lisa A Romano for codependency and really have grown and take responsibility for my own actions. I no longer desire to save, fix or rescue and realize that's not my job or business which got me to my husband. I have saved and rescued him from serious criminal larceny and absconding and IRS debt and so much more that's going on now. Getting ready to hopefully settle on our belongings this month and be divorced. I realize he has no desire to change and I have to continue on my path of learning, growing and changing. Only God can save or fix. But that person has to have the desire and admit it. I choose healthy. Thank you for wrapping all of this up for me as I say goodbye to that codependent person I used to be and the narcissistic people that I'm releasing from my life. I never thought I'd end up where I am. Please pray for me and my children to be reconciled together and live in peace together. Thank you Dr Carter ❤️. May God bless you for helping me. The truth will make you free. And I'm free!!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Rhonda...be free indeed!

[@druchampion-payne1489]

Yes being "superior" describes my mother-in-law and everything's about what *she* wants; and yes, she thinks she's "special" and that I SHOULD do whatever she wants. For 35 years I was her doormat, but last March I went no contact. Now she's telling everyone that I "hate" her because she doesn't understand what a healthy boundary is. And yes so many times she used my wifely "duty" to manipulate me and for a long time I let her. But that all changed in March. She can no longer manipulate me.

[@dianebinpa6668]

They can ask for 5 things and if you don’t do 1 out of that list of 5, you do nothing for them and you must be plotting against them, because anything they ask of you to do is a problem. That’s part of their control game.

[@aaronkwolfe]

A fellow PA greeting. But, yeah, scorekeepers who cheat at keeping score.

[@judith5177]

That’s so true. I did everything from house moves, mortgages,bills, even found him a car and sorted tax and insurance. Helped his parents get benefits, free boiler, £25,000 of debt written off. But oh no, I have never helped him and only look out for myself. Well I do now! Now he can’t sort anything out for himself so does without, even the internet ha ha!😅

[@jessiegordon916]

Dr. C , A BIG THANK YOU!!! for putting my years of suffering and abuse to words! Here's to leaving the past behind!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Keep leaning forward, Jessie!

[@aliceroberts1980]

Sorry I don’t see any way to be at peace around theses people

[@kennethlapointesongwriter3330]

Oh they're 'special' alright. They're like the ultimate Bully. A narc can TRY to wipe their feet on me but very quickly that little game ends. When someone tries to eat you up and spit you out....just be too big a mouthful.

[@siriastridkristensen4272]

Bring Your Self In To Consideration❄️Bring Your Worth To Beeing.

[@mday3821]

This just makes me sick 🤮 to 1) To use people this way 2) Knowing my NM used my brother who is mentally slow & made him her flying monkey 3) If your strong will & can't be "Controlled" then you become the Scapegoat child! I will never understand how someone can be so cruel! This video trigger me...but I needed to hear it!

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

So true. I was told by an astrologer I've been a doormat. I tried to read Lynn Namaka's Doormat Syndrome years ago. It made me so ill I couldn't finish it. I deeply appreciate Dr. C and Team Healthy as a holistic system. We face the ugly and we learn there is another side where we are inherently good. I'm not crazy and I have worth. It is rare to find this kind of balance in studying narcissm. To be a part of a learning community is my experience of Transformative Learning. Much gratitude.

[@doodlebugscritters2715]

I can relate, I was learning about how codependent I was to my narc hubby and I literally had to stop for a couple days because it made me sick how much I had been giving up 😞

[@patriciawilliams5172]

This is triggering message but must be heard because it heals.

[@mareeamor3596]

The narcissist in my life actually hates my tendencies to be helpful, kind, or calmly show my assertiveness. She merely redoubles her efforts to counter my positive qualities by gaslighting me publicly. This is becoming more evident over time as she discovers I am not her doormat.

[@RepentTimeIsAtHand]

Yes! Precisely!

[@billiefitzgerald8338]

I noticed that once I started being assertive with the narc in my life she started copying others in on the attacking emails (which I was reminded of with your comment about being gaslit publicly). This blows my mind! Do they think that the behavior is so OK that others will automatically be on board with it?

[@amandaliverpool3374]

The thing with me is, I'm not a 'Doormat' but people try and push their 'luck'. I'm a bit slow sometimes. The ex hubby got the push...eventually. The ex stepfather... eventually, certain other people. Then my lads grew up 😱 It's a constant battle. There's a few sayings I try and remind myself of... What doesn't kill us makes us stronger! Life isn't easy but it's worth it! God loves a trier. It'll be on my tombstone 'SHE DIED TRYING' LOL 🤣 sigh....

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That made me chuckle, Amanda.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@SurvivingNarcissism 😁

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@RN-gx7wt So, you can stand out and proud as clouds are soft when dancing amongst the stars 🌟 You do not need to reach as you're there already 😉 Once upon a time I would trip the lights fantastic! Nowadays, I fantastically trip over the lights. But in whatever position I can still see the stars 🌟 Mr R N ✨

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@RN-gx7wt yes, it's good to share experiences and thoughts. Team healthy is a great place for that. I plan to try and keep a good head on my shoulders unless it falls off in the night coughing!Fingers crossed 🤞 and an early night for me. I'm not the night owl I once was Take care 🙏

[@snowy4282]

@@amandaliverpool3374 “trip the lights fantastic.” Reminded me of Jethro Tull. 🙂 Regarding taking it slow sometimes, that seems a good thing to me. I have been too hasty at times and regretted it. Lately, I have purposely been trying to slow things down a bit. So much that is hidden will be revealed with Time. I don’t want my requiem to be “Ooops! She Leaped Before She Looked.” Take care of yourself ! 🦋

[@Stolat79]

Before I went no contact with my family I would gripe about the “role” I had been handed. Likening my family to a theatre production that my mother was directing at the expense of her cast. Everyone had a script that they had to stick to and no one seemed particularly happy about it other than my eldest and youngest brothers who had been given starring roles. “I hate this role! These aren’t even the words this character would be saying!” I would say to my husband after every inevitable mishap in my performance and the ensuing criticism to go along to get along, that family was everything. I tried to find the humor in it even as I saw the dysfunction, ultimately I had to quit the play and reconcile that there was no chance of me reprising the role ever again. It is lonelier and less dramatic, but that is what peace is.

[@lynnbrown4364]

Such a powerful analogy! The illusion of reality. My mother died in 2007. In my first dream of her, I was sitting at a bar and she walked past me, looking directly at me, wearing a white mask, not saying a word. Fast forward to 2021 when I was a victim of my sister's rage and abuse-that was the last time I let her trample over me. Through a Google search of "lack of empathy," I discovered Dr C and team healthy. At the age of 60, I discovered I was the scapegoat to 5 generations of matriarchal narcissists. I took off my mask long before I knew I was the central character. I messed up their story line! I am now estranged, and I am very close to being just fine with that. Thank you for this moment of healing.

[@Stolat79]

@@lynnbrown4364 I did not know who I was when I was young. I struggled with that like everybody does. I was always background cast so I left the state and tried my hand at a few careers and chased a profession out of passion for decades. The me that my family knew was the boy ok with people telling him who he was, until he didn’t. I moved 4 years ago to be closer to family, being “family hungry” I suppose. This was a rude awakening for both me and the summer cast of that years reprisal of King Lear (Lear of course played by my mother), suddenly Joe wanted to play Cordelia and Lear had already banished a handful of other Cordelia’s and was not interested in having another person around attempting the role. 😅 I love this play, I highly recommend reading it or at least watching it. (Cordelia as uncomfortable truths teller) Masks, I know I have thought this way often. I hear every one of your words, my family had a trove of masks for every situation. The worst betrayal of yourself is to take these poisoned masks willingly. I’m glad for you, I’ve still got a lot to work on too! Dr. C is fantastic and has offered such even and consistent help.

[@qiuwbr091]

@@lynnbrown4364 wowed that’s a lot of insight. 5 gens of matriarchal narcissists is a lot to over come. Good luck and much strength.

[@chipchippie]

I know that this is an analogy but it's pretty accurate because in narcissistic families the targets or the victims have a role to play and they're constantly trying to reinforce the fact that that's our role and the role is they're punching bag every time they feel the need to get a little endorphic rush from abusing us. You know why nobody in my family has contacted me in 3 years? I'm no longer in the role they want me in.

[@Stolat79]

@@chipchippie None of my family has contacted me either in the last 3 years. You and I, Chip, are in the same boat there. Once you refuse the mask, the role there is no purpose for you. My eldest brother died in August and no one from my family called. I found out through the grapevine. It is odd to realize that you’re alive, but have already been pronounced dead by your own parents and siblings. I’ve been rebuilding myself, hope you have been too.

[@wandah9468]

Until we escape, aren't we all?

[@aliceroberts1980]

Even when you stop play the game, they’ll go on without you agree rock him and he still he will go on for 15 minutes bitching and screaming by himself downstairs after I’ve gone up to my room and shut the door they will go on without you they don’t even need you any person. Anybody in front of them will do anything to dump their shit on

[@akai.christo]

Thank you Dr. Carter🙏♥️🔥 Wish you and all here a beautiful day!! 🙂👍

[@aquagirl9228]

Not anymore! Thank you so much Dr Carter! You have been a life saver🙏✌️❣️🙏🕊

[@aquagirl9228]

FOMO...not on your life

[@aquagirl9228]

L. How are your panic attacks?? I'm still dealing with PTSD but feeling better 😘

[@deborahstarman9874]

My biggest struggle post abuse is that I developed an attachment disorder. I have to really fight against myself now, to stay in and maintain relationships. I shut down when I feel unheard. I self isolate. I'm unbrainwashing myself and it's hard.

[@qiuwbr091]

Narcissists have to add an extra twist to basic plans. It makes them feel super special. Doing things straight out is just too common place for their really important selves. If you want to use e mail they will text you, if you want to get a text they will phone you. They want to make other people think that “you” are out of sync when they can’t stay consistent in their focus. Nothing they do can stay just straight forward. You will get a back pain if you let them twist up your life with their lack of civility.

[@bonniehonchell9963]

Humor me when I say, as a Libra, I'm the balance, scales, law & order of the Universe. Empathetic, feels pain of others. But, not allow anyone to wipe their feet on me. Quite the juggling act I've been doing my whole life. Never did I, or could I understand the cruelest of all circumstances walked upright on 2 legs, & have a mouthful of words to use & inflict pain in every way possible. I found my strength, & when I drew the lines in the sand, saw the stunned faces & heard the stuttering trying to get ahead of the fact that they had just run into a brick wall, was worth it. You have nothing left to lose after being a doormat, so, take a leap! The very words you spoke I said to the last Narcissist I dealt with. "Did he understand that he wiped his dirty boots on me"? Even though his answer was yes, I told him to take a hike. I didn't tolerate that behavior! Not as refined or ladylike as I would've liked, but, refinement will come in time. Always pray for those who have suffered & have literally become a recluse. Need time for healing & self love. God Bless the Gus's of the world! Unconditional love 💯💖 Thank You Always & keep the light shining. Very Happy Holidays to you & yours.

[@moni3634]

What ist difficult is the guilt Feeling divorcing a Covert narcisist who is 62 years old because IT took you years to understand what the Problem is( thanks to your Videos)... This man will never Change but will Show me how much i Hurt HIM!!!!!

[@karlabritfeld7104]

He's not hurt at all. He will replace you soon if he has not already.

[@moni3634]

@@karlabritfeld7104 thanks for reminding me...😅you are probably right......

[@ZarpeParadise]

Very valuable info. Always wondered why my choices were poor, looking back, they chose me (for all the wrong reasons). Priceless to understand the dynamics! Thanks for telling it straight Dr. C.

[@susancosgrove5010]

This is a classic example of 'Don't let your strength be your weakness'. I wish I had understood how this plays out decades ago. There's a great joy in giving, it's just for some there's a greater joy in getting...and they dont move from that spot! In clarifying the emotions we feel at the end of this explotive journey....I can also add the word....disgust!! Thank you for another insightful video, and for clarifying my weaknesses too.⚘🐶

[@olyooshka]

So true! They are users..

[@Wawiya]

You give these ppl an inch they take a mile 😒

[@123raven4]

A willingness to get along! A fear of missing out! Weak assertiveness skills! A willingness to say yes when you need to say NO! Enjoy being helpful and serving! Motivated by obligation and duty! Driven by guilt or shame! Susceptible to their sales pitch! Willing to give the benefit of the doubt!

[@deha5084]

I always told my ex that I was not interested in being his doormat so this video really spoke to me. Thank you for validating my feelings.

[@missmoxiemaesmith8287]

I’ve noticed that when good things happen to me, this person’s attitude is- who does she think she is? Constantly compares me to others, letting me know, hey you still don’t add up. This person feeds off of making me feel like unworthy trash. It’s their drug and hey, as soon as I’m unwilling to buy what they’re selling then all of the sudden they don’t want to be around. Having a healthy perspective of self worth spoils everything for them.

[@Gigi-z3z]

Yes, indeed!!

[@tbunnyshy1]

Ditto. I do not have basic life skills. My son just got his private pilot’s license and my family looks like they are in MOURNING. 💀

[@sh6460]

I think the more harmful ones then attack, setup, attempt to destroy. My npd person told my son- if you're not for me, then you are against me, instant enemy status. He had hung up a far side cartoon , shows elk standing around, one with a big target on it. The caption was " bummer of a birthmark, Hal". That summarises his philosophy. I'm thinking of many people in the past who were his buddies, then became the objects of bitter smear campaign. And they do use people, he gets folks to fix his stuff, vehicles, yard equiptment, etc. but implies others are users... I decided to forgo my inheritance because it certainly wasn't worth the price, I need to stay as untangled as humanly possible. I'm not for sale.

[@missmoxiemaesmith8287]

@@tbunnyshy1 I know the feeling. Rather than be happy for an accomplishment these people find reasons to be unhappy about it. Sad

[@missmoxiemaesmith8287]

@@sh6460 my mother always finds subtle ways to let me know that I’m not in her will, because I don’t act or do as she’d have me be. It used to bother me, because I was taught that that is one of the highest forms of rejection. A last knock out punch. I’ve realized within the last two years that my dignity and peace of mind is way more important. My inheritance comes from the good Lord.

[@billyrayvalentine7972]

I sure was. For sadly too long. But thanks to you Dr. Carter and Gus and then others I'm no longer a door mat and I never will be again. To anyone. But I will keep my character and compassion intact. They won't steal that from me ❤🙏

[@artandculture5262]

Arrested development in them is what they get. But, ouch to have been raised in this, for managers in employment who enacted this, and one marriage that I shouldn’t have made, that was this. Onward we go! Past them.

[@shahadah1451]

This user is my father to the tee! He has wiped his feet all over me my entire life. Then my husband did so, even literally, refusing my rules against his shoes in the house. Then my daughter's boyfriend started the manipulations. I was a go-along to get-along, with occasional protests. I just wanted, pathetically, a place in the family. No more! I have gone silent, and absent, and, they will soon learn, in court, that I have changed. I am a person worthy of decency and respect.

[@bridgettetraveler658]

It's good to be nice, but we must discern who we can be nice to. Some ppl we need to stay away from & some ppl I hate to say, but we have to show them the extreme ugly side of us!!!

[@kathleenbristol6747]

Thankyou for this talk about being a doormat.the stronger I am with my boundaries,I'm less likely to be a door matt.👍

[@jacquelinefroehle3583]

I don't know that Narcissist can live with out a door matt....lol. Say No to them. They will behave with "who do you think you are?!..you should know they are "better than you ".

[@dougplace895]

MY RIGHTS WERE STOMPED ALL OVER ON BACK ON SUNDAY EVENING!!!

[@sallyjaynes2433]

@Doug Place Mine too‼️😐😒

[@dougplace895]

@@sallyjaynes2433 I'M VERY SORRY 😔!!!

[@sallyjaynes2433]

@@dougplace895 Same to you also 😵‍💫. Covert surprises abound for me 😐😒

[@dougplace895]

@@sallyjaynes2433 THANK YOU FOR REPLYING 😸!!!

[@workingtoseethelight8244]

Am no longer the doormat, going to take a lot of cleaning, stretching, and rest to be able to become a pillow and feel comfortable in my own bed, though! I have started the process and with Team Healthy, I feel like I am getting a professional wash. Thanks

[@glitterginger]

It is whatever THEY get and WHEN THEY want to get it. No respect. No cooperation. Only conviences for THEM, not you. In fact, they will go out of their way to Inconvenience you.

[@lizpetruzzi7700]

Yes! Needed this today! Don’t get sucked into the conflama - conflict and drama. Don’t let anyone set my pace or determine how I behave. Steady and non reactive…It’s almost an unlearning of programmed response and learning I don’t have to play the game. I get to define my terms and choose how I respond. Thank you for another helpful, equipping video! God bless. 💗

[@KoolT]

Merry Christmas from East coast US

[@aaronkwolfe]

East coast greetings right back at ya.

[@Bea-wb9uk]

Lack of gratitude. They don't appreciate a happy healthy team player lifestyle or your efforts. Mutual reciprocating effort is a level up they don't get.

[@dakeda2024]

U speak with such a clarity as you teach and explain these things . U hit the nail on the head how u articulate your speech.

[@briany483]

Is it wrong to not have empathy for a narcissistic family member. They are so evil how they think and talk.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

No...at some point you need to unhook emotionally.

[@SnarkasticSunny]

"my good ingredients" ...love that phrase. I have good ingredients? Who knew? The narci knew, the minute they met me it seems. But, I find it extremely hard to try & hide who I am. I am helpful to others...& kindness is just me. I don't do those things for approval of others ~ it's just my nature & I can try to hide it, but it always shows itself in a very short time. Like, minutes, or hours - if I'm really focused on NOT showing who I am. I can't help who/what I am ~ that's just me. I am what I am. Why is it so wrong to be kind & to help people who need something that I can help with? Why is it wrong to to share a smile with someone who really needs it... to just brighten up someone's lousy day, even if I don't know them? I genuinely enjoy these things & don't understand why it's such a bad thing! Sure, there are some who will "take advantage", but there are more who don't. And the ones that do it & don't take a hint when I say something - well, they won't have my natural kind nature for long. Seems like I have to fight to not be "me", who I am, as if I could. There's precious little kindness in the world as it is. Narcissism is everywhere these days ~ it's an epidemic! Why can't being a kind person be just as contagious?! I shouldn't have to try to be someone i'm not. And frankly, it's exhausting! "Throw kindness around like confetti." Making someone's day a little brighter makes me happy too!

[@izawaniek2568]

Knowledge is power and so is healthy del-confidence combined with true humility. Dignity, respect and civility as well. Thank you so much dr Carter. God bless you. ❤

[@sandymeyer1894]

I called someone out on this behavior recently but now that person is refusing to speak to me

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

They can be quite thin skinned.

[@snowbear1877]

I've found this also. When I've called out bullying they've dropped me.

[@annking8633]

Last name is "Mat", first name "Door"...yep...59 years of it. Every time.

[@anniebrowning7354]

61 years for me, yep!

[@chayo4537]

🤡

[@sh6460]

Still don't have all the tools to disengage in a healthy way, boundaries. Never taught it, I'm trying to learn without being too destructive, but maybe since this person still has access to mutual aquaintences I'm out of luck, except to hibernate at the moment. The worst ones (Machiavellin ones) like to play cat and mouse games. Thank you for that video, it expressed so much of what I've experienced Dr C.. My mom used that phrase, doormat, and my dad would tell me to not act like my mother. I didn't let myself admit how sick he really is until a few years ago, finally cut him off. That's helped, although my adult children have been brought into his fold and the division doesn't stop. Suspicion, yes, called paranoid when I attempt to avoid the traps. Its like a hunter flushing a flock of birds, he's a hunter.

[@Uberqueenbee]

WAS. No mas.

[@bioncadixon1989]

Good morning Gus

[@leahjones8539]

I’ve been groomed for over 50 years ,I learnt how to just toe the line !!!!!!! Have set up boundaries and do “grey rocking “ recently , and he has noticed the change. Very unhappy times at the moment .

[@BlackHippieCouple]

I was a doormat to my entire Narc family. I was a different person for each of them (based upon what their needs were) but one thing that remained was my service to them. I was their “yes” person because of their “title” in my life. I was that from the time I can remember until I was about 33. I wanted to see the best in them but looking at them objectively I couldn’t deny the fact that they were making me miserable and diminishing my quality of life and I said NO MORE!

[@karlabritfeld7104]

Everyone in your family was a narcissist??? I think you might have this backwards.

[@BlackHippieCouple]

@@karlabritfeld7104 you really don’t know me, my family or my personal situation so you can’t speak on or accurately assess my personality or what I endured at all. Sorry but you don’t have that right my dear.

[@dianep6335]

Sounds like the marriage I was in, except he didn't bother with false flattery; skipped that part and went right into jealous criticisms. It will take a long time to heal, but thanks to KZbin coaches I'll get there. Thanks, Dr. Carter

[@normagaunce9630]

My narcissist Mother taught me that I always needed to go along with whatever she was doing. I just thought she was crazy when she did wierd things.

[@southerncatlady]

I've heard these exact words: "Just be submissive to me, because I always know what's best."

[@JimmyJaxJellyStax]

Building up the boundary defense phrases and comebacks helps a ton - practicing them in the mirror if need be and being brave to start saying them if you're already in the doormat phase with some. As expected they will be shocked that you actually stand up but sometimes a real shocker is needed and any healthy organization will have healthy individuals to recognize your legitimacy and back you up as well. Deep, firm, calm, honest with your boundaries and self respect - any effort can be glorious compared to no attempt at all. With the mirror or video recording practice, it's definitely a rehearsal that improves your performance / execution of the communication - turning nervous energy into confidence fuel.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

I definitely was.

[@khadijahnyabinghi]

I'm in recovery from being in this state.

[@joannajohnson696]

Hello Gus, hello Dr. Les Carter! I working out the wrinkles to finding a new home. Christmas w/the Narc is a challenge. 10 years of absolutely no present under the tree for me & I buy all his presents. Like a spoiled child.

[@Alice-fr1ef]

Hi Dr. Carter, Gus and Team Healthy from California. That is so right Dr. Carter because that is exactly how they think. How much I wish I had known these things long, long ago. It has been an every day nightmare

[@debbiedoughty5079]

Another wonderful video. Thank you Dr. C. Hello to Gus.

[@denisewalker1120]

First of all I would like to say a big hello to everyone I am from Sydney, Australia. Thank you Dr Carter, I thoroughly enjoy, appreciate and value your videos. You have helped me tremendously, I had no idea what I was dealing with especially when I was dealing with dominant individuals. They can certainly be overwhelming at all times. Kind regards, Denise

[@amyhoppes8006]

Oh, this is it! Would love to triple like this one, Dr C!

[@jennaarmbruster2169]

I'm not sure. I have bren in the past. I need to watch some of the older videos. I need a reminder.

[@jonwall0146]

Thanks Dr C, very much for all you do your time, and your effort you put in to help others like myself. Thanks Gus!

[@mandycote5662]

I put mine in for washing - it appears that it’s had scandal- sandals footprints all over it - requiring a very deep cleaning Thanks for asking Mr C

[@snowy4282]

@Mandy Cote 😂🤣😂. That is hilarious. I think my doormat could use a good wash, too.

[@sturobertson6791]

Excellent way of putting it... You made me smile... Which on a topic like this is a rare gift.. Thank you Mandy ☀️☀️

[@angelnative9267]

A must-read Be4 after narc abuse. ( Dangerous Personalities ) by Joe Navarro

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Definitely!

[@jowilde3774]

I just discovered that two narcissists in my family threathened serious harm to my disabled son and wishes to get rid of me as well. It's one thing to wish me dead but to threathen my disabled son is inexcusiable. I am lost and terrified.

[@johnjohnstone9805]

Your talks make me realize how thoroughly i been conditioned to accept the servile position in life. I am simultaneously horrified at the thought of challenging status quo and stimulated by winning possible freedom.

[@hathlete4ever916]

There are so many stories I can come up with when I got punished and tortured just for doing good and the right things, I have no idea where to begin. Once I decided not to be the "doormat" anymore, my life has been so much more beautiful and greater ever since.

[@adinevanhulst]

Really really great video Dr. Carter! All completely true

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Adine!

[@joanb8489]

That’s me!!!!!! I just wanted to get along. No way that was going to happen because I refused to be dominated!!!!!!

[@johnjohnstone9805]

We used to have a celebrity doormat in my country in the 70's. "The flying doormat" was a great player but didn't say much.

[@snowbear1877]

Thank you Dr Carter. I've made a big mistake in exposing a narcissist in the corporate world with terrible consequences for my partner's career. I feel terrible even though my partner says it's not my fault as he knew about it. I still feel terrible. It's extraordinary how they change the narrative to portray themselves as the victim even though they have a quasi criminal past. It's only because they have connections on Boards and in high places that they are re-employed. The person who has done this to my partner should not be in the workforce.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

The stories I could tell you! If your partner is understanding, let that override the other. In the meantime seek peace, seek love.

[@snowbear1877]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you Dr Carter.

[@patjackson1775]

After a lot of therapy I learned that one of my main core beliefs is that I do t matter. From my childhood but of course today .

[@kisigma1011]

I never matter and they all back stabbed me done wit people from small town never again

[@sssttt2211]

Narcissistic people use your one time action to declare conclusion on you but their one time action is just that one time if it is bad and harmful to their reputation but is what they are if it is good to their reputation.

[@joshua255860]

Thank you, Dr. Les. I have tried to dialogue with my narc. Mother that I need an even playing field for us to have a relationship. She will not talk to me about it. She does not see how she dismissed me and my sister for decades, our entire adult lives. She is elderly now, and I feel pity for her that she will end her life without ever having any meaningful relationship with her children.

[@karlabritfeld7104]

She admits no fault.

[@northtexas4110]

Thank you Dr. C. I needed to hear this today! I'm tired of being a door mat for the narcs in my life didn't even realize it fully until now! Oh happy days now I understand! and yes yes I know now how to react with a calm confidence, goodness, self- respect, civility, dignity! And to not be pulled into arguments to feed their egos! I'm practicing boundaries and staying away from being a doormat to wipe their feet on! I'm growing in self-respect and only confiding in trustworthy people in my life! Blessings

[@Judygurl2]

Thank you so much for your gifts of understanding and clarity.

[@oscarwilliamson1128]

TheJudyinPDX,Hope you are not with a narcissist….

[@Judygurl2]

@@oscarwilliamson1128Thank you, I'm not with him anymore and hope the same for you. I'm striving to learn so I never repeat that devastating mistake. I knew almost nothing about narcissism and missed every red flag for 5 years.

[@World-Sojourner.22]

We took in an old stray dog. I named him Gus, in honor of your Gus!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Wow! That IS and honor.

[@RUBYHOLLISBROWNrj]

I appreciate the education & strength you provide. The Narcissism I have been through is life , mind altering. For some reasons I feel stronger for it also formal , self educating, but, when you have a cult like family that gets their happiness from others pain is inexplicable. In a successful career for many years & in your early fifties one has to try to remain unconfused they impede your job with false allegations trying to make you come out . Break into your home & take all of your clothing so you cannot leave and then calling you to let you know you are going to stay in there, then putting something that is foul smelling in your home. Something is wrong here?? I had foresight and came through this bad place in life & moved on just to have them find me again, going NO CONTACT the same old scenario until passing what can one do with the years of loss anger & pent-up abuse?? I retain my sense of health, love, compassion, respect....

[@patriciawilliams5172]

Doc. Thank you for this message it was triggering but needed to be heard

[@fred.k9875]

To be team healthy’s Door!

[@TC-gx3qn]

In my experience narcissist mothers/fathers can spot assertive people and will do everything in their power to keep their sons/daughters from marrying one. Blessings from California, Dr. C. 🦮

[@karlabritfeld7104]

This makes no sense.

[@TC-gx3qn]

@@karlabritfeld7104 How not?

[@maxwell-cole]

Excellent! Excellent! Excellent! Thanks Dr. C.

[@DavidFraser007]

I was never the doormat, I reacted very badly as a teenager to my mother. But I was constantly reminded by my Dad about the benefits of being a doormat and how ungrateful and weird I was, by my sister.

[@dougplace895]

I'M DEALING WITH THE MOST UNGODLY INSIDIOUS EVIL IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW IN MID JANUARY 2023!!