Are You Dating A Narcissist? | Dr. Ramani

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#78: For the second time on Erika Taught Me, I interviewed Dr. Ramani Durvasula. She is a clinical psychologist, author, and media expert who uses her social channels to educate people about narcissism and how to navigate it. In this episode, we explore her new book, “It’s Not You”, and the fundamental concepts she believes everyone needs to know when dealing with a narcissist.
You’ll learn:
• How to spot someone being a narcissist
• The professions that index high in narcissists
• Why someone would date a narcissist
• The three signs that you may be gaslighted
And so MUCH more!
Get Dr. Ramani’s new book ‘It’s Not You’ here: erika.com/its-not-you
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00:00 - Intro
02:55 - What exactly is a narcissist?
09:38 - Narcissistic personality traits in various industries
15:35 - Narcissism in personal and professional settings
17:07 - Can you tell after an hour that the person is a narcissist?
23:56 - Narcissism in online dating
27:50 - Why would anyone end up dating a narcissist?
42:47 - What are three signs that you may be being gaslighted?
57:28 - When does someone in a narcissistic relationship realize that they should get out?
01:17:23 - How common is physical abuse in relationships with narcissistic people?
01:28:35 - Dr. Ramani Taught Me
Music Promoted by
Epic Music Waves - / @epicmusicwaves
Catalyst by Scott Buckley | / scottbuckley
Music provided by www.free-stock-music.com
Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0)
creativecommons.org/licenses/ ...
Track description: Excellent epic chase and orchestral music by Scott Buckley.
Moods: Chase , Adventurous, Dark, Epic, Dramatic, Suspenseful
Author / Artist: Scott Buckley
Website: / scottbuckley
Licensing info: www.scottbuckley.com.au/library/
Duration: 04:37
BPM: 115
License: Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0).

[@_TheIlluminator_]

Narcissists think everything is about them and get upset if you say no and they don’t respect your boundaries, so it feels like a risky emotional situation whenever you have any interaction with them.

[@NancyBrown1975]

You have a gem of an expert here on narcissism. She’s the best!

[@mbraden8949]

What an amazing interview. I only wish I had known these traits years ago. I was engaged to a narcissist and Dr. Durvasula nailed every behavior perfectly and in hindsight I couldn't be happier that I left that relationship.

[@alex-mq8rm]

I love psychology...if you can pick up on cues, it can save you from lots of headaches and heartaches

[@jvtadros]

Wow, Dr Ramani never disappoints. Great interview!

[@bngr_bngr]

My friend was a narcissist that insisted that her boyfriend was a narcissist.

[@sunflowermagia2123]

My mother-in-law does this to me all the time. The last 7 years have been a smear campaign against me. One time, she heard me listening to Dr. Ramani before work and texted my husband that it was unfair to him that I waste the days watching videos on me being a narcissist while he works. The projection is strong with this one. 🙂

[@starboy5177]

Little known FACT: Most Women TODAY are narcissists. The more beauty and/or status she has, the more the chance she is one.

[@lydwinaofschiedam2685]

Before I retired, I was a college professor (in nursing). At one time, there were 4 nursing instructors in my department I am quite sure were narcissists. It was an awful time. I stayed in my position partly because I felt the students needed someone they could talk to and trust and partly because I love teaching. One got fired; one got driven out; and two retired.

[@kayakins3051]

Be careful who you vent to though not all people are the right ones to talk to . There are flying monkeys that are just as bad as the main person causing the problems. Them flying monkeys can be just as bad !

[@Desaved]

Wow! This answered a lot of questions. It's especially hard with family.

[@ceciliamarshall4618]

Great interview and explanation of the narcissists behavior. My brother in-law is a Narcissist. He just married the sweetest Christian girl who knows he can change. They just bought a house in a different state. I’m praying for her!

[@DinFL]

Thank you Erika and Dr. Ramani. I really enjoyed this podcast.

[@wildhorses6817]

Yes, for years Ex Narc called me Crazy Kari. Yet, I had advanced degrees, my own home,money saved. It destroys self esteem and causes chronic health issues. Destroyed my life completely.

[@wildhorses6817]

Destroys health, finances, emotions, self esteem, life itself. Soul Crushing.

[@Why19501]

My guy told me I never cheated on you but you’ll never believe that and I don’t need that…..after I caught him--he so turned that around and made me feel like am I being too harsh and mean to him. Lol

[@carolannstevens5814]

Powerful episode Erika and Ramani! Looking back, I now know as this makes it clear! Thank you! I need to divorce. 35 years of living with a narcissist. He broke my fingers, early on he shoved me down. I don’t have a loving family and my mom is narcissist. You are so right Dr. Ramani as it was so hard to leave when I had little children and felt no one in my corner. Now they are grown and regret not leaving decades ago.

[@saturdayschild8535]

Thank you for your vulnerability, Erika. Very powerful episode.

[@sandracaezza7234]

When Erika spoke of his flirty situation @ work I totally related I’m looking back on all those yrs bc it’s part of my awareness now Grateful to be free . In the end….. The narc/addict showed me a behavior that became my freedom So yo all those new supplies…… “ tag your it “. & thank you Dr R this was so eye opening & validating TY ladies

[@moniquejackson7741]

OMG Fantastic interview! I'm a huge fan and follower of Dr. Ramani, and I loved, loved, loved hearing her up to date summaries and examples. When you opened up and put yourself in the therapy chair, that was so powerful! Saving lives. Thank you.

[@carolannstevens5814]

Yessss! It was a treasure!

[@Kyshalise]

This broke down everything I’ve been through one of the best videos I’ve ever seen from dr R so far

[@Erika2]

If you found this episode valuable, I highly recommend watching my full interview with Dr. Ramani from last year here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/n56WlYKhiriMeZosi=k6y-rUceXd25k84J

[@Marbledesert]

I had a narcissists who made false accusations against me. Now, they're in a relationship. Knowing what I know from this video, their relationship will eventually fail. 😅

[@joanadkins9438]

Unless the person in the relationship with your former narcissist continues to give good supply. In fact the narcissist that I was with for 2yrs, went on, shortly thereafter, to be married for 30yrs and is still together.

[@aaronmacdonald7412]

Excellent episode. Very helpful.

[@wildhorses6817]

Great Interview, Thank you. Also, a great Book !

[@CoachCreesh]

The MOST BEAUTIFUL part of it is when you figure them out, go NO CONTACT, HEAL❤, understand you did NOTHING WRONG🥰, move on in peace✌🏾 and ignore all there stalking for years 💯❤️💯❤️💯❤️💯❤️💯❤️💯❤️

[@dianeferguson9957]

Clear, direct. Thankyou x

[@GLOBETROTTER-KIKO]

One of the best and most informative podcasts I have ever listened to! Bravo to Dr Ramani and Erika…kudos to both of ya! 🙏🏼

[@mariastewart9861]

Would a narcissist announce that they are a “good person”? I have heard this many times from people I think are narcissistic. Is it a common phrase or thinking by a narcissist?

[@specialtwice4975]

Yes, they will say "I'm a good person". Of course this doesn't guarantee them being a narc. They could just be a jerk. What a narc will say though? Narc: "Hey, you~ You wanna go for sushi?" Person: "Uh...I don't really like sushi. I told you this last week..." Narc: "What?! You don't like sushi? But you told me you love sushi. Of course you like sushi. Everyone does!" Person: "I don't like sushi..." Narc: "Nonsense! We are going for sushi, come on! Let's go! Yay sushi! Yay yay sushi!" Person: "I don't want to." Narc: "Wha...Now, now, lets go eat sushi. You wanna be a good friend to me, don't you? Of course you do! Your my bestest friend in the whole world!" Person: "We aren't even friends bro...da f?" Narc: "Of course we are! Don't you remember yesterday when I asked you for a cup of water? And you gave me water? We are friends now. Best friends." Person: "I don't think that's how friendship works. I don't wanna be your friend. I don't wanna go out for sushi. And you spilled water on my shirt yesterday, then tried to clean my shirt with napkins, and when that don't work, hugged me saying "sworry. I so sor-y". I didn't like your clingy koala hug." (They make their ideas yours. They say you like what they like. They don't understand the word no. That maybe you want pizza. And they make you embarrassed in situations and tell it differently than the actual situation.)

[@JoeyCheny]

thanks for sharing!

[@mrscocodolo]

Customer service. Sales. Hospitality. Tons of narcissism in these industries too.

[@user-dy7iq5fy5n]

Dr. Ramani + Erika= TNT 🧨 Explosive 🧨

[@katiemiller4187]

This is great thank you

[@donnahale1011]

This was EXCELLENT...

[@AmeeraG242]

Don't forget real estate especially commercial

[@DinFL]

Hi Erika, forgot to leave you the following in my last comment. Best of luck to your friend who is married to a narcissist. She may not tell or show you right away how thankful she is, but trust me in due time, she will. Going no contact is not going to be an easy task and the heartbreak is overwhelming. ❤

[@tracyhenry6752]

Thank you

[@maevebutler4641]

Brilliant interview Currently reading DrRamini's book "It's Not You" It is extremely interesting and very helpful to any person experiencing difficulties with narcissistic individuals

[@janai4477]

My dad is a covert narcissist. He is a slow driver, though. But always complaining about others in traffic

[@rexnelson8604]

Now I'd like to hear this where the relationship is between a narcissist leader and a community. For example, a condo association president and the membership.

[@wildhorses6817]

YES ! HOA famous for Narcissists ! CONTROL and POWER.

[@momfromnj911]

I think I may be in ANOTHER relationship with a narc.. My boyfriend was very sweet the first 4 months or so. Love bombed the heck out of me. Offered me money before we got together...helped me out financially the first few months and then pretty much changed. He sometimes talks down to me, he says people annoy him that he is the smartest person around..can barely every say he's sorry. I remember him apologizing by saying I'm sorry, but you should be sorry too..when it was all his fault. Literally left me af a restaurant stranded. Then when I went to stay at a friend's house that night. .I would not respond to him when he was blowing up my phone. He retaliated by bashing me on FACEBOOK. One time I made him Mad he went on facebook and changed his Facebook status to blank and took everyone of our pics down to "teach me a lesson". Also has remarked that he wished I was more submissive. .. Hr does drive aggressive and not to the drivers face but will curse ..is this a narc???

[@njrom2975]

I don’t think so . Have 1:1 talk with him maybe he have some other personal problems. Double check first and then if he really goes toxic then you can break up , look yourself on the mirror too and see if u did something as well. If both of you are compatible or not .

[@primsandwhims7533]

Yes.

[@carolannstevens5814]

I wish I knew this decades ago! I have been with this man that is an abusive narcissist. 35 years!

[@mgenihamed5710]

Narcissist is so deep than we know those people to change they know to have spiritual awaking,self reflect and humble themselves just know they are just human not God

[@HoboeJane]

Good video thank you! but the beginning music overwhelms her talking

[@dlwilliamson5644]

Is Erika the most adorable person? Unfortunately, I had to hit rewind when she was curious if she was in the wrong about an idiot "massaging" other women! So glad Dr. Ramani was there to reassure her that she is/was not the problem.

[@user-hy8hj6sv1w]

Brava signora lei ha ragione grazie

[@phatchotimondabbakulanaayu5090]

My parent do the violent everyday when i was a child and never had a time for me . never support and never said to me with normal like other parent. now I grow with someting solve with violent . I always run everything in the house and never be my life. You said violent is more in narcissism , Is i narcissism. I feel sad and very holpless everysec in my life now.

[@stockmarkhq6604]

The only narcissists I know are teachers. Could be just local.

[@GeorgideMarne]

No. The worst one I ever encountered was malignant NPD teacher.

[@jim-zx7gz]

So some narcissist people can be extreme in their behavior. Like very obvious

[@CoachCreesh]

Yes. Narcissists come on a spectrum from low to extreme.

[@fridaytieday]

20:37 You're funny Dr Ramani!!!! Its true though. I dumb down a bit just so I'm left alone and it's a safe observation place to be in.

[@lmhv5945]

Hi 😊

[@meekawolff]

Our old neighbor (I’ll just refer to him as H) was such a narcissist. His late wife never left him but acted like it was a normal thang fer H to give her a black eye or two. However, when she passed away H ended up marrying an older woman and his narcissistic behavior disappeared. His new wife was the one calling the shots. I don’t git it. I thought narcissists never change.

[@specialtwice4975]

It's possible the second wife was a stronger narc or a psychopath. Probably a psychopath. They can make narcs their personal b. A psychopath will say to narcissist: "clean the floor, do the dishes, scrub the walls. Now!!" And the narcissist will bow and say "yes dear, of course dear." and do as they are told.

[@meekawolff]

@@specialtwice4975 Wow! I would never have guessed that his 2nd wife was a psychopath. Thank you fer clearing up my confusion. She’s such a tiny, petite woman (about 5’2 or 5’4) compared to H’s 6’2 or 6’4 stature).

[@majakolonja4266]

He found his mummy.

[@kayakins3051]

Is a covert and vulnerable narcissist the same?

[@alastairpartington254]

Why can’t you spot these people?

[@randymonroe1633]

What do you think of a narcissistic personality being 90% that way and a normal personality being 10% that way and if you hurt and judge a (narcissist) you hurt yourself as well and they know it and then could work to hurt and judge to amplify your narcissism up to 95%?

[@randymonroe1633]

And like you say they are quite nice at first so they are only that way with another person attacking their self loathing that they can also see in you to try to boost you out of it with what you call the love bombing. So that would explain why the love bombing is so deceptive, because it is not lies but real and sincere till someone puts doubt between you and them to sabotage progress and dreams. Right you know who?

[@randymonroe1633]

A problem being it has a weakness for fictional entertainment industries which falls into the typical “you …. or your boyfriend want to get into show biz? You’ll never make it, you should be a farmer or doctor like me”!

[@sf3413]

Thankfully, we have found a healthy church with sweet loving pastors. BUT, listening to this video has brought horrible narcissistic pastors that we were really hurt by to mind. Oooof

[@soroushjalili2008]

Not all physically violent people are narcissists. Many feel massive remorse and guilt, and do seek therapy. Just a heads up this lady is one person speaking from her experience.

[@janebaker4912]

Says you, the violent person? If you think you have the right or entitled to hurt others than you are a narcissist. Even if you feel remorse.

[@soroushjalili2008]

@@janebaker4912 do you think all violent people are narcissists?

[@janebaker4912]

@@soroushjalili2008 it takes high narcissism to think it's justified in that moment to unleash your emotions and harms others. Would they all test positive for NPD, maybe yeah. I'd beliyit

[@janebaker4912]

You didn't answer my question? Are you violent and don't want to admit your narcissism?

[@mamathemeat]

I used to get triggered by gaslighting and I used to hit my boyfriend who was very narcissistic. I didn’t know what gaslighting was. I do now and j realize it triggered my trauma. My mom used to beat the shit out of me so I thought it was ok. I had a lot of unresolved trauma… I no longer do that and I no longer have those triggers. I am not a narcissist and I have really no other of the signs of narcissism. I have never cheated, I take responsibility for myself, and I’m not envious or anything like that. I’m pretty self reflective and self aware. I wouldn’t really hurt him I just hit him with open hand sometimes out of rage sloppily not like punching or anything that left marks or on the face. So I should say that. I just thought it was normal behavior.

[@Barb15]

Massaging other women at work 😮?! And he probably told her that's what he was doing just to get a reaction or did it in front of her.

[@soyralopez]

her describing the narcissistic traits: me: 🙂😮😯😦😧😨 👆

[@levanahbatlila859]

Are most narcissists first borns or only children? Are most narcissists males?

[@alex-mq8rm]

Your ex had "all these girls around him" funny, because perhaps that attracted you to him.. the fact that you had a long relationship with him and you felt like he claimed you and you were better than all the girls he flirted with 🤔

[@janebaker4912]

Meghan Markle

[@user-xm8rf6ik7b]

As a man I can tell you 100% Erika is an easy one to pull . She is the kind of chick that will go along either way pretty much whatever if she likes you . I don’t want to say lose but easily ran through . There is a big difference from being in a narcissistic relationship vs being easily ran through . I can tell you her longest relationship isn’t over 1.5 years . She has also been cheated on a lot . Definitely side chick material. That being said , when she is in her 40’s she will have some real knowledge and hopefully will help younger women .

[@specialtwice4975]

What makes wife material?

[@user-xm8rf6ik7b]

@@specialtwice4975 wife material is a woman that has her own thoughts , own ambitions but doesn’t seek attention or validation from others . She knows who she is. It knows the value of a partnership. A wife is the kind of woman that functions in a relationship for the relationship not for herself . The fact that that’s even a question is insane . Figure out who you are then realize you will have to make adjustments to be in a partnership .

[@TheOrignalTRockz]

Review: Dr. Ramani is great. Your forced assessment is annoying and unbearable

[@francobola9920]

She needs to go, she needs to work on herself.

[@michaelyoon9355]

Insight? I am the greatest psychiatrist in the world.

[@michaelyoon9355]

Correction: I WILL BE the greatest psychiatrist in the world.

[@michaelyoon9355]

Now thats character development

[@idunno6480]

😂

[@michaelyoon9355]

Isn't this a repeat video?

[@Erika2]

No, this is a brand new episode :)

[@jornjr]

Uh-oh something has changed in the maxtix 😂

[@michaelyoon9355]

@@Erika2 I WANT THE TRUTH!

[@Erika2]

You can watch the previous interview we did last year here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/n56WlYKhiriMeZosi=k6y-rUceXd25k84J