Arrested By The Booty Patrol (w/ Hassan Khadair) | Perfect Person Ep. 45

Hassan Khadair joins the show to discuss a caller's classmate crush that she hugs daily, a booty patrol car that is WORKING, and a relationship anniversary conundrum.
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PERFECT PERSON
Perfect Person is a comedy call in advice show in which Webby-Award-Winning Podcast Producer, Miles Bonsignore, answers your phone calls, solves your problems, and helps you achieve maximum perfection with his talented friends.
MILES BONSIGNORE
Miles is an internet creator, comedian, and podcast producer, known for his work at The Try Guys (The TryPod), as a commentator on Pretty Much It, and on his followings on social media.
EDITOR
Rob Laltrello
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[@PerfectPerson]

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[@jena.t]

I really hope the original person who commented "welcome to perfect person where im perfect and youre a person" gets a royalty every time miles does the intro 😂

[@asunbeam5479]

That was definitely a comment!! They at least need free patreon access

[@TheShauNanigans]

@@asunbeam5479 That would be such a cool reward!

[@gothicbunny9ify]

The amount of times I was yelling at my phone to advocate for that poor caller that was called a catfish by her boyfriend. He don't deserve you honey!! He is a big walking red flag. He means what he is saying. Indecision is a decision. He is showing you who he is and I'm so sorry this is the creep he is inside. The quesadilla I made while typing this and yelling at my phone agrees

[@octopusink9292]

To the caller who is unsure about the classmate guy, your laugh is amazing! What a hearty laugh!

[@abbylaronge8874]

I thought the same thing. 😊

[@kassiehamilton5880]

“i have, unfortunately” in response to have you seen mickey mouse is so brutal and unhinged

[@Hassan.Khadair]

I thought about that for a week

[@sarahclark3833]

You guys not understanding that "craft" was referring to the craft of writing is my fave part of this episode

[@PerfectPerson]

Oh my god

[@HassanKhadair]

@@PerfectPersonI didn’t consider it for even one second

[@evaldragon]

Not gonna lie, I was so frustrated cause she said it at the beginning of her phone call, that she was a writer, and they totally missed it! Every time they started cracking jokes out it, I was yelling at my radio, "she said she was a WRITER!" rofl

[@Lizbeth-lw1rw]

To the last caller, you deserve SO much more!! 😢 We all deserve someone we don't have to question, someone who is sure about us. A person who truly loves you will love EVERY aspect of you- flaws and all. ❤

[@TheShauNanigans]

I'm only half way through the episode, but I think you probably mean the third caller. The second caller is booty patrol. :)

[@Lizbeth-lw1rw]

@@TheShauNanigans You're totally right. Thanks!

[@TheShauNanigans]

@@Lizbeth-lw1rw no problem!

[@windsweptflute]

I saw this comment before getting to the second caller and was SO confused how the comment related

[@Lizbeth-lw1rw]

@@windsweptflute My bad 💀

[@brittboynton9555]

Honestly what did I do every Wednesday before this podcast? Let's go Tuna Miles 😂

[@DS-pd2tn]

The last caller's bf sounds like my dad tbh. He acts super sweet to my mom and then he'll get anxious and stressed and say really hurtful things to her, and she's been dealing with it for 30 years. RUN STARBURST RUN!!!

[@um2913]

I’m so sorry that your mothers in that situation and that you have to watch. ❤ May she learn her worth soon

[@grllwrfr]

i am genuinely obsessed with how much detail miles, hassan, and the first caller went into mapping out the hug configuration ... miles pls have hassan back on the pod!!!

[@paigej6365]

The fart sound effect is an immaculate addition to the podcast

[@Lizbeth-lw1rw]

100% 😂😂

[@kelbimckinley8042]

I am absolutely incapable of not howling with laughter every single time 😂😂

[@rhondabear5639]

*gun shot (according to Will) 😂

[@LocaPorLosAngeles]

Ok the Hassan and Miles dynamic is so wholesome and HILARIOUS. LOVE PERFECT PERSON!

[@Hassan.Khadair]

I LOVE PERFECT PERSON!! You guys are too kind

[@zerocraic3966]

Every guest is incredible, but for some reason Hassan feels like he’s a constant cohost. the chemistry, jokes, and sincere interest in each caller was just so complementary to how miles runs the show usually 💕 Edit: 35:36 😂😂😂😂 “🤷🏽all of its weird if I’m being honest” holy shit Hassan

[@HassanKhadair]

This comment made my day oh my god thank you

[@zerocraic3966]

@@HassanKhadair Aw man! this was my first exposure to you and I’m like binging your podcast today!❤❤ I cannot underestimate how much I laugh watching you learn more and more about the Booty Patrol. I have rewatched that section like four times 😂 Edit: about halfway through all of bad days catalogue and nothing but hits. Will always be rooting for you Hassan you’re awesome

[@Hassan.Khadair]

@@zerocraic3966 booty patrol story blew my mind like cmon sweetheart you’re in your own d list romcom

[@zerocraic3966]

The way she tried to contextualize it. “Oh I’ve seen it on a car car” I DONT KNOW HOW TO VISUALIZE IT ON ANY KIND OF VEHICLE MAAM

[@annagilbert596]

Hassan was such a good guest! He matched the vibe perfectly!

[@Hassan.Khadair]

I did my best I’m so glad y’all liked it!

[@grassymenu]

I cannot with trying to get a visual on the hug 😂😂😂 ”you’re flipping upside down?!”

[@LightningLauriee]

A craft class in a writing MFA means a class on “the craft of writing,” like studying styles and techniques 😂

[@zerocraic3966]

Damn Laurie I preferred my version where geniuses are making papier-mâché ashtrays and stuff but this makes way more sense 😂

[@emilyl1406]

To the girl who is not a catfish, remember to value yourself & respect boundaries! So many fish in the sea that will! Lots of love!

[@minmom166]

The way my jaw dropped when she said "dtf"😂 I'm not judging at all it just took me by surprise. Makes me think she's not the only one interested. I'm so curious about the backstory of that vehicle.

[@nathansimpson5721]

I can't believe the booty patrol guy gets more action than I do. Damn

[@TheShauNanigans]

I know I don't know you, but same. Even if this person was the hottest guy in the world, the car is an immediate turn off. The conversation surrounding it is funny, but people who put effort into stuff like this are rarely as funny as they think they are.

[@mariapizzaa]

Yoooo that booty patrol car is for sale listed 2 days ago!! Guess their advice worked out and the relationship worked out lolololol. Also it's from Hawaii, so they were so right it was for beach cruisin 😂😂😂

[@PerfectPerson]

NO WAY

[@mariapizzaa]

Aww, I had replied earlier to my comment with a link to the ig post, but yt must have deleted it. Anyway I was googling pics of the car and a link to ig with the listing came up 😂😂

[@hconf]

Truly laughing out loud multiple multiple times

[@PerfectPerson]

That’s what I love to hear babyyyyyy

[@TheShauNanigans]

With that 3rd caller, I wonder if the boyfriend has been talking too much to the people he considers "friends", especially if they're misogynists who do not get a lot of women. They see their buddy in a seemingly happy relationship with a woman who is likely out of their league, and they think "How can I instill doubt in my buddy so that he questions things and he becomes a single homie like the rest of us?" Especially if this girl ever calls out their misogyny while in their company, so they want her out of the picture so they can continue to be asshats together in peace. I know this reads as pure speculation, because that is what this is, but I have seen people say shitty things about people's partners simply because they're jealous, and if the boyfriend is already insecure, he is probably super worried about how his friends perceive him.

[@zerocraic3966]

This is a really well intentioned analysis that I used to favor in the early years that my sons father would pull identical stunts. Well guess what- 8 years later, all those “problem friends” seem to have grown up just fine and he’s devolved into a complete goblin. Future tripping her, baiting her for two years yet pretending he’s not sure to try and manipulate her into “competing” for his approval… whether he is self aware or how conniving and emotionally abusive he’s being or not, this guy does not turn out well. Blaming everyone but the almost 30 year old man only results in this woman wasting more of her life trying to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped

[@TheShauNanigans]

@zerocraic3966 It is still 100% the boyfriend's fault for being awful even if he is listening too much to negative influences. He is the one choosing to listen and act on his insecurities by tearing this sweet woman down. Don't get me wrong. It isn't my intention to make excuses or anything of that nature. I'm just speculating. The dude is still not a good person for acting the way he does, and I hope she moves on and realizes that.

[@zerocraic3966]

@@TheShauNanigans 💯 my contribution to this take btw wasn’t to invalidate your opinion. Hope the caller reads it. She deserves way more dignity than this man is offering

[@TheShauNanigans]

@@zerocraic3966 No worries. It read to me like maybe you thought I was making an excuse for the guy, so I just wanted to clarify. 😃 The guy is a straight up douche canoe for sure.

[@mchammerandnail]

If someone’s roommate is a misogynist that’s the first red flag… like how can someone live with someone who hates women if u respect women… there shouldn’t be a toleration of that shit

[@kasey_price]

The woman who is not a catfish needs to research “vulnerable narcissists” because it’s possible he’s not anxious, just a manipulative a**hole

[@zerocraic3966]

The second she added Irish red hot flashing sirens went off in my head. This guy should be on his best behavior and is so terrified of vulnerable moments that instead of allowing them to sit and be shared, he attacks her. I am separated from this guys clone right now. It never gets better. Therapy will not help him

[@LocaPorLosAngeles]

period!!

[@spookysab]

yes !! i had a toxic ex and i alwaaaaays excused his behavior for him just being “anxious”. and he would constantly throw that back at me the second i’d call him out on anything. seems similar and she needs to walk away….

[@um2913]

@@zerocraic3966honestly same!! It’s not even that therapy won’t help him. He might not let therapy help him. Or he’ll lie about it. Actions speak louder than words. So if he says he’s changing and getting therapy but he’s still the same. LEAVE

[@herb_rolls]

Hassan's energy was so good! I had no idea who he was before this but now I do! He's so kind and you guys have such good chemistry! This episode deserves way more views!!

[@Hassan.Khadair]

This is such a sweet comment!! I hope more people see it too!!

[@LocaPorLosAngeles]

to the catfish boyfriend caller: girl, go. his positives are BARE MINIMUM. you can do much better(I think lol) and if hes cool with a misogynist and very much in his life?? its not a surprise that he commented on your appearence during an argument ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY. Go find better, queen

[@falltowinter]

3rd caller - your boyfriend needs therapy, and a new living situation. If this is just his anxiety, he needs to work on that - if he's choosing to live with & hang out with bad influences, that's a red flag. Do not move in with him!!! To be honest, this reads as more than *just* anxiety... I don't want to do an armchair diagnosis, but the attempting to self sabotage on big milestones reads bigger than that to me. Bottom line, he's not ready to give you what you need long term. He needs to do a lot of work before he's there, and it's totally the right move to take a break/break up. Like Miles said, maybe he'll be the right person for you after he's put in the work, but you don't have to drag yourself down to wallow with him in the meantime. Your own mental health is worth more than that.

[@Elizabethcantsing]

I recently got let go from my job and have begun working for myself from home on art and its incredibly rewarding but extremely isolating as well. Listening to Perfect Person makes me feel like like I'm hanging out with friends and I just wanted to say thank you for that

[@PerfectPerson]

I'm glad we can join you for your art! Thanks for listening to the show!

[@livjm]

Picking a fight every anniversary and he's "not sure" about the relationship?? Please leave him 😩😩

[@miss_ayla]

The commentary from Miles and Hassan on the last caller was so on point

[@mel.bon12]

I love seeing so many new people on the pod!! I’ve found so many fun people! No matter the guest you bounce off of them so well!

[@Hassan.Khadair]

10/10 experience having Miles host me

[@sangeeta]

I feel like that girls boyfriends sexist roommate has been making comments and it’s getting in the boyfriends head. Which is still the boyfriends problem because he’s choosing to live with this person and be their friend, but it might explain the suddenness of the comments.

[@kendramangan]

I love the way Miles' head bobs around like a muppet when he's being 'goofy serious' about something. ❤😊

[@Hassan.Khadair]

JESUS WAS A VLOGGER

[@julians4094]

you're right and you should say it

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Lmao I’m living for title! Also, ‘Booty Patrol’ made me laugh so much hahaha

[@carlybehrendt5096]

Am I the only one here who only knew Hassan from Comicstorian and was extremely surprised to see him in the thumbnail

[@Hassan.Khadair]

I am everywhere always Carly

[@tirzah9929]

What a perfect way to take my afternoon dab today Hassan, love ya puppetry

[@Hassan.Khadair]

Thank you my man!

[@jennifernguyen9477]

i LOVE THIS PODCAST!!! its perfect while im trying to do my plumbing homework 😂

[@PerfectPerson]

Happy to assist with the plumbing homework!!

[@emilyrosezombie]

first caller's problem is soooooo creative writing MFA coded. i feel like i had such a similar experience in my program down to the "I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend" convo with another classmate lmao. why are writers like this

[@nataliethomas444]

Were those some Jenna Marbles “hell yeah”s from the last caller? 😏 Heeeeeell yeah beech

[@estellebonnelame7469]

Hands up if you came to the YT JUST to see the booty patrol car 💀🤣🤣

[@wendycook6895]

I love the energy of this episode. Hilarious and moving as usual.

[@futuroid]

The booty patrol car picture has me Wheezing

[@mizlizthursday]

Perfect Person, perfect guest, perfect chemistry! Hilarious conversation!

[@ilseflores7470]

54:13 gurl it sounds a bit like the cycle of violence. The high highs and low lows are a BIG red flag.

[@kirrahasariddle]

i’m only 15 minutes in and i am obsessed with Hassan’s energy

[@raedoes8962]

As always, a pleasure to listen to

[@pwilliams1814]

I've seen that booty patrol car before. And me and starburst have the same issues with emotional ineptitude of a male partner who doesnt talk about his feelings to a therapist 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@alexare6655]

Let's goooooooo miles is talking about food at the start.

[@PerfectPerson]

Tuna checkkkkk

[@gamberlane]

I had a damn laughing fit during this, wow, so funny. Always a pleasure!

[@wendycook6895]

Kiwi co is cool. But I used Lovevery. And my little man still loves them. He's 3 and a half and loved every set that we got since he was born. He still plays with a lot of the toys.

[@he.said.teenjiejer]

honestly shocking to me how few people had seen hassan on tiktok lmfaooo

[@Hassan.Khadair]

A blessing I may one day be free of Mickey but a curse because if people aren’t watching Mickey my bills are rising

[@celestial_avatar88]

So glad I got to see the car 😂

[@ten-hx2xi]

To anyone in a relationship with a “theyre really nice really often but they go off sometimes :(“ you can and WILL find someone who is nice all the time within reason ❤ love yall fellow perfect people

[@beckmannm]

First caller's laugh is wonderful!! * Winkyface * (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

[@sleepypup]

Last person's Bf is absolutely a narcissist. RUNNNN It sounds like love bombing and then that little switch flip was manipulative and gross af.

[@-streaminadream-5356]

this is better than therapy

[@jenhuffine7030]

I love that Miles’s chair is not perfect and I didn’t notice it till this episode

[@serenafrancisco]

I came from listening on Apple Podcasts and the thumbnail really adds to the Booty Patrol call 🍑 🚨

[@chelsiecoles4783]

my ex would love bomb me, he'd be mean and then very nice and loving. I'm not saying that is what is happening for the third caller, but it sounds very familiar to me. I also asked him to go to therapy for YEARS.

[@chelsiecoles4783]

I should also mention he would pick fights on special occasions over absolutely nothing. It was very toxic.

[@sumlaymoun1676]

This podcast Genuinely makes me so happy

[@AuthenticApathy]

Hassan Khadair? From Bad Days Podcast and Absolutely!? What is this, a crossover episode?

[@Hassan.Khadair]

Looks like it IS

[@TheOGBabbleBug]

If I was to guess, the woman with the bf that made the weird comments, it was probably something that the roommate was gassing up and making comments on and it got into his head. Which does not make it okay, but could be something that he can work through as opposed to him just being garbage.

[@hconf]

IT WILL DO SO MUCH NUMBERS

[@kassiehamilton5880]

yayyy new episode!!!

[@harleyharris607]

I stared at the phone behind Miles for so long trying to figure out why he had something with the Nativity scene

[@PerfectPerson]

Hahaha I did not even notice it had that until now

[@ES.Evergreen]

Someone really needs to come up with a phrase for "I saw it *somewhere* on the internet" 🤔

[@Kristhegirl39]

"gasp* Miles effed up the end catchphrase from "only a call away" to "always a call a way" Is he, not perfect?!?

[@arinsenninha9356]

Miles as an intwrnational caller how do we leave voicemails in whatsapp

[@zerocraic3966]

Arin if you start a convo/message thread w the WhatsApp number, you’re able to leave a voice note by pressing and holding the microphone icon while you speak. Should work!

[@wendycook6895]

So I live in Utah and though weed is legal here medicinally it's expensive. So I have a dealer and he winky faces me all the time... We're friends and have been for over a decade. But I'm married with 4 kids. He's a single dad. Do winky faces really mean something?

[@zerocraic3966]

Winky and all other etiquette analysis is completely irrelevant to dealers. They’re buck wild they’ll wink at anybody

[@emmaliehandley9090]

I feel like I could see exactly what school this person was at… cause my fiancé went there and they had an MFA and a CRAFT grad program

[@Alkimmie63]

Boyfriend not wanting to give expensive anniversary gift.

[@dreadpupper]

What a gem of a boy, I lub himbs.

[@mythics102]

yooo boyfriend problems girl lives in Philly?? let’s be perfectionist besties!!!!!

[@ohsolovely3995]

I have never been so early

[@tiarizky7226]

20:53

[@paulheiler9948]

Also please get Courtney Miller as a guest!!!

[@sophiekuhn5342]

The podcasts for men which tell them to be cruel to women to become the alpha is insane to me

[@mctwinkles]

did I miss something? has Miles always looked like a little swoll zaddy?

[@angelalurtz3638]

It's all that lifting of a rapidly growing baby 😂

[@yourjerseyagentforlife]

😊

[@mel.bon12]

Oh my goodness! I need to be friends with the last caller! She sounds so strong! I’ve struggled for so many years on my body image issues. 🫶🏼

[@zerocraic3966]

Can you imagine someone is completely ripping you to shreds and you’re like “baby cakes you need therapy”? I need her to run a clinic on staying calm bc wow

[@chrissiesnap]

Thank you Miles for always making Wednesday's absolutely perfect. 🫶🏻

[@kyleeparsons9897]

I fell asleep and then this played, when I woke up and saw the thumbnail it hit me that I was having a dream about the booty police and it had me sweatin😂

[@mel.bon12]

I feel this is a safe place, I have to admit my daughter loves breaking bad 🫣😂