oops I banged all my roommates | Perfect Person Ep. 59

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PERFECT PERSON
Perfect Person is a comedy call in advice show in which Webby-Award-Winning Podcast Producer, Miles Bonsignore, answers your phone calls, solves your problems, and helps you achieve maximum perfection with his talented friends.
MILES BONSIGNORE
Miles is an internet creator, comedian, and podcast producer, known for his work at The Try Guys (The TryPod), as a commentator on Pretty Much It, and on his followings on social media.
EDITOR
Rob Laltrello
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About Headgum:
Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at www.headgum.com.
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[@PerfectPerson]

Ritual - Visit ritual.com/PERFECTPERSON to start Ritual or add Essential For Women 18+ to your subscription today!

[@khana3618]

The camera panning to Miles laughing by himself is TAKING ME OUTTT 😂😂

[@sophiedoviak998]

Literally every single time lmfaaooo

[@cameronllucky]

the “she a bad bitch addison rae” with a cut to the empty couch is pure perfection

[@PerfectPerson]

Addison is BACK and she is here to STAY

[@heather9992]

First caller- I need a fake name to protect my identity Also first caller- here's all the people I know and how I know them 😂😂

[@victreebel170]

RIGHT? "my cousin's gynecologist is named Addison!!" like LADY, so what?!

[@michellespangler5602]

Miles starting this by saying wear sandals as his general advice and then the first girl being so anti-sandal was soooooo funny to me

[@PerfectPerson]

I couldn’t believe my ears

[@michellespangler5602]

@@PerfectPerson I cannot believe my eyes rn that you replied to me I ❤ u have a good day

[@jthancock]

Hey Miles, exercise physiologist here. Protein isn’t shat out and is the building blocks of most cells, not just big muscles. It’s important for tissue repair in general, so more protein is generally a good thing unless you are consuming a huge excess. Enjoy your perfect smoothie guilt-free!

[@PerfectPerson]

This is good to hear!!

[@sleepypup]

Thank you for this!

[@leacaplar6273]

You will actually piss it. Protein is absorbed as amino acids and excess of amino acids not used by the body is degraded and excreted as urea.

[@findparadise]

I appreciate this live footage of me alone in my apartment talking to my imaginary audience all day and laying down the quippiest little quips that ever quipped and pausing for laughter

[@katieishler2337]

Needing a fake name to be anonymous but then giving specific details of the names of people close to you 😅

[@freyabartholomewbacklund6037]

yeah i think that 50% of the time the fake name is just an honor and for fun rather than a need nowadays 😭 (which is totally fine of course)

[@TheShauNanigans]

This wasn't really a need to be anonymous, which made it a little more difficult to get through, honestly. Just take the fake name and run with it. This is supposed to be fun.

[@lauraska95]

Miles' ability to entertain himself all by himself while recording the podcast is so funny to watch

[@sophia9845]

He really makes himself laugh 😂

[@nailinthefashion]

The intro is so sad yet aspirational cuz yeah I'd be that manic if I was rich too

[@laylax5435]

i need a compilation of miles turning on the motion sensors

[@heynikiheynikii]

Same 11:48 had me dying his little dance 😂

[@haydenbeatty633]

what i love most is i listened to the audio version first and i truly wouldn’t have ever known

[@patienceismyrealname]

This first call just completely derailed Miles' intro. This is the King of little treats AND wearing sandals was making him PERFECT before the end of the call. This took such a turn!!😂😂😂😂

[@avao3914]

miles getting up like a goblin to turn on the motion lights is KILLING ME

[@jessikapallares3483]

omg I choked on my water LMAOOO

[@OhItsJustAspen]

Hot tip: I make my iced coffee the night before, I put it in the fridge (yes, IN the fancy cup), get my luxury beauty sleep to become a little radiant goddess, and then in the morning I throw in the ice and it feels even more like a little treat because it's still a little grab and go moment as I head out for my day😌 #TreatBaby

[@miss_ayla]

Love this for you

[@Emily-ci6vc]

yes! i've done this for iced chai lattes too

[@MariahRAchel1]

Miles, as a smoothie shop owner, you’re right about using all frozen ingredients. So much cooler and stays cool longer 🙌🏼

[@PerfectPerson]

YESSS

[@hilarygladstone6037]

Document everything and report the fart guy to HR. He's done some unacceptable things. It sounds like he thrives off attention/awkwardness.

[@jadedjadejay]

that's exactly what i thought as soon as i heard about the farts and clear sexual harassment

[@miss_ayla]

Maybe I misunderstood the situation but didn't the caller say that fart guy had messaged her co-worker *before* he began to work there? In which case, that's not HR's problem because it predates his employment there. If it continued after he started working there then that's HR-worthy.

[@victreebel170]

​@@miss_aylaThe other stuff IS HR-worthy though. We have one example of him saying micropenis out of nowhere, she should just keep a log.

[@sleepypup]

I would pay money for a full podcast JUST of Miles and Shed 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Edit: I loved this so much. As much as i love guest times, Miles one on one is so special 👏👏👏👏 Thank you for this

[@Abigail.K.]

I‘ve literally never commented on a video in my life but I simply must highlight the hilarity that was Miles’ hunchbacked, ape-lookin’ twirl and kick to turn the motion sensor light back on during the first story… I’m so sad no one was there to giggle at his execution and subsequent facial expression because he had to just keep talking and I was cackling 😂

[@marcelafranklin2429]

he keeps talking to himself and laughing nonstop, he’s just like me fr

[@corinnecomeau2477]

I almost think the coworker from the second story has a shame kink. I’m sure many of you have heard the Reddit story of the man peeing his pants. I love your show so much!! It would be so cool to get some updates on these people somehow. Your advice is so relevant 🥰

[@elisefyhrie6256]

Yep thought the same thing unfortunately

[@kathleenuclear]

Get a little bike seat for the back of the bike for little Juju and let his laughter be your fuel. One of my first memories is of riding in one of those badass baby bike seats behind my mom and going WEEEEEE.

[@cassidybrewer]

I gotta say, while many people fear it, turning 30 was one of the best birthdays of my life. I took myself on a solo trip to Chicago and I’d never been there before so everything was new to me. It was awesome!! Happy early birthday, Miles! 🎉

[@genetic_disruption]

Miles just cracking himself up alone is really sending me

[@emilyf4178]

I hate this anti feet generation I think miles is right if you have a problem with my toes being out stop being a weird pervert 😂

[@miss_ayla]

Right? So long as they aren't smelly, crusty, or on me then idgaf

[@tayloroo]

I didn't realize until I was wiping away tears with my sleeve after laughing at your reaction to acorn's story, but I'm wearing my perfect person sweatshirt while listening to perfect person!!!! Truly perfection ✨

[@intheyellowcorner]

I adore the dance to get the light back on. Miles, please dont ever edit it out. 😂

[@bunnyfrosting1744]

I fear the gassy coworker may be into humiliation :( or at the very least, does find it amusing to make others uncomfortable. Really hoping that caller can safely report it (and the prior inappropriate behaviour!) to a higher up

[@FlapJack-eo3on]

Im such a fan of Miles because of the way he can just naturally riffs and I’m glad he finds it as funny as me😂

[@cassidysummers6913]

Miles being alone in the studio is my brain, every, single, day! 😂 laughing at my own jokes and talking to myself, constantly! I love you Miles and Sarah!!!! 🥰 ya’ll are relationships goals (but ya’ll already know that! ☺️😉)

[@franfernan]

Okay sorry Miles I have better advice for the treat girl. Use too good to go!!! I swear I’m not an undercover ad but basically you can get a bag of baked goods or whatever leftover from a cafe at the end of the day for super cheap, and then they’re still just as tasty and fun but also cheap and you can budget them to use as little rewards, and as a bonus it’s a surprise!!! Most major cities have really good ones from small bakeries

[@katieishler2337]

The new camera angles make me feel like Miles is scolding me

[@lilred7291987]

Miles doing a solo show gives me hope that maybe people will also be entertained when I make myself laugh as well. Thank you, most perfect of persons!

[@static2735]

the advice about messy situations being kind of fun was so true and also had so much dad energy in a way i can't explain

[@azabacheblack]

Making the treat way earlier, doing the task, then getting the treat later is actually such good advice

[@katherinemad]

Miles balling out of control with all his freezer space for his smoothies.

[@NaAa-lc5lm]

Justa couple minutes in and I already agree. Ive been patting myself for YEARS for *thinking* that healthy lifestyle :)

[@cheldorado8822]

Absolutely nothing brings me as much joy as Miles cracking himself up. ppl get shit for laughing at their own jokes but being able to make yourself laugh is the most important thing tbh

[@xCAEGx]

I'm getting buff again too, and I just turned 30. Stay hydrated! We got this Miles✨️

[@katieishler2337]

When Miles has a hard time getting someone off the phone I literally have to mute the volume because it’s too much for me to bear.

[@averymeron5254]

SAAAAAAME

[@honeynutcheerios1031]

the second hand embarrassment hurts me

[@Saxinful]

Come on it wasn't that bad! He was joining in on the jokes and continuing it. I'd agree if he was wasn't engaging and she missed the cue, but geez, not everything is that embarrassing all the time

[@patiencekillz]

he was engaging though? and joking with her

[@Tori.f.116]

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT MILES’S INTERPRETIVE DANCE TO ACTIVATE THE LIGHT SENSOR BACK ON 🤣🤣🤣

[@TheShauNanigans]

Request for episode 69 to be all sex conundrums.

[@coratuttobene4806]

The big ol smile when caller said “I love you” 😂🙌

[@palohime]

I love the solo episodes so much! Makes me feel like I’m the special guest sitting on the couch lmao

[@emilyl1406]

I knew Miles was in the studio alone bc usually the guest has a lot to say about his intros 😂😂😂

[@ashleighmack9318]

This is my first time listening to you ON THE WAY TO WORK and wow game changer. I’m laughing brain turning at 7 am LOLOL

[@PerfectPerson]

Hahaha this brings me joy! Glad I could join you on your commute!

[@claudinevasquez3092]

the empty pan to Miles by himself is absolutely my favorite

[@faith-4059]

This Birkenstock girlie is with Miles 100% on the toe debate

[@katiex3171]

sounds like shed’s the pervert for thinking about toes so much !

[@PerfectPerson]

The lady doth protest too much

[@rhondabear5639]

Miles I told my husband about you saying "bone clean" at various times and now we can't stop saying it, it is so hilarious!

[@sierravalentinee]

18:28 THIS FACE I CANNOT

[@nikalive1]

“I certainly shan’t be bench pressing” - Bonsignore, 2023

[@CorduroyCastle]

"I got drunk and sad and hooked up with Quinn" spoke to me on a spiritual level 😂

[@charlotteeden5629]

“Getting awf to myself” the solo pod

[@erinchan-adams2719]

Making a suggestion for creating fake names for an episode: my friends and I made fake names inspired by Cherith Cutestory (from Arrested Development). The rule is the first name needs to be quirky/uncommon, and the last name's two random words together. Don't overthink it. Our doppelgänger names were Esther Tablesmitten, Bertha Snatchwagon, and Ingrid Schoolhopper. Love the pod!

[@elliottdmoose]

Watching Miles laugh at his own jokes makes me feel more human. and I truly appreciate that.

[@mariaahlea]

miles i have also been in a new mindset about exercising in that i've decided that i will do it one day! for about a month! so i am very proud of you lmao.

[@mollyjasinski7525]

Omg I relate so much to the first caller - I want to treat myself to Starbucks or boba literally all the time for doing things 😭 Miles, that advice was, dare I say, perfect.

[@jennynguyen2823]

I LOVED this episode. I haven't laughed this hard at a podcast in a while. Excellent host, excellent callers, excellent vibes. No wonder you're a Perfect Person (TM)!

[@Musicsinger299]

Miles, love the shot of you trying to turn the light back on. Solo episodes are a vibe 😂

[@sonkien3]

Episode 59….. almost nice

[@PerfectPerson]

We love to see it

[@TheShauNanigans]

Episode 69 should be only people who call in with sex conundrums.

[@zoiechan9567]

Miles laughing to himself is music to my ears every time

[@marcelafranklin2429]

5:22 - comments something with an outrageously silly voice - camera cuts to him being by himself therefore getting no reaction making the situation even more embarrassing - i obv laugh twice as hard

[@tinejoan]

okay but what if the fart guy is into public humiliation?? he's known to be sexually inappropriate with people that aren't willing to be in that what if that's a kink and he's doing it to be shamed?! we need an update later!!

[@bunnyfrosting1744]

Exactly my fear immediately upon hearing all that!?!

[@emilydecker9857]

Not me screaming, “The variable!”

[@MadsLaws]

This was my first ep of the pod and I'm ABSOLUTELY HOOKED

[@mariahrose1984]

For the little treat! I used to do this in college and it was the best! Your dorm should have a mini fridge/freezer and you can get an ice tray with large cubes. Get a blended venti Starbucks beverage and put it in the ice cube tray with a popsicle stick in each slot. Easy Starbucks popsicle and it’s the perfect little treat!

[@lilred7291987]

Shed's toes are icky because she dries them in her socks lmfao thats how you get foot fungus

[@juliacoves5873]

I'm wearing flowy pants and sandels at work right now!

[@alexandraertz1238]

Miles! That get real hit me hard! I’m sooo busy and I haven’t had time to do any of my hobbies! I’m going to focus on that this week and try to get back into giving myself the treat of doing the things I love!

[@miss_ayla]

You're such a chaotic little goblin, Miles, and we love that for you

[@tofuteh2348]

Miles can you continue being a gaming streamer on twitch i feel like i missed that era and would like to witness it for myself

[@PerfectPerson]

haha I will definitely be doing more live streaming stuff soon! Lil bits of gaming for the gamers out there, and some other silliness.

[@-streaminadream-5356]

FIRST CALLER BEST ADVICE E V E R. this needs to be on MERCH MILES

[@mariuxu2356]

Miles trying to turn on the automatic light is a haunting sight to see

[@PerfectPerson]

Slenderman batting at flies lookin ass

[@raymanatorr]

truly the only podcasts i listen to is this and the headgum podcast, mostly because this is really good, which kind of balances it out

[@courtney104]

Will be using the “Miles said I can buy a little treat” card to purchase Halloween candles! Thanks Miles, love ya! 🫶🏼

[@nathansimpson5721]

Acorn talking a million words per minute DEAR LORD

[@anonymixx8106]

I just gotta say Miles. I LOVE when YOU get to SHINE 😂🌞❤ MORE OFTEN

[@thegreatmanda]

so glad i was here for the Great Toe Debate of 2023

[@Alabelll]

The FACT THAT I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM AS THE SECOND GIRL! I was like do we work in the same office? No. This must be a common thing. Why are men like that?

[@sadleftist827]

shoutout to shed. that whole fake name conversation was comedy gold.

[@consciouslycarly]

This podcast should be required listening for first year college students! 😄

[@funkybunny4604]

Man, I feel like the solo episodes are just so goddamn funny

[@aresxna]

Shed is an icon for going off about being anti-toes

[@ludhaven]

awful awful day thank the lord for this perfect man and his perfect timinh

[@bunnyfrosting1744]

Hopefully tomorrow feels lighter 🌷

[@msrsarahrocks]

I need an update on the second call 🤣😭

[@Junitunes]

Miles! This is urgent!!! I need you to fix a problem I have. I need a compilation of when the motion censored light goes off! Please make it and post it here!

[@kristen9745]

#FreeThePiggies !!!🦶🦶🦶

[@VividiVavidivoo]

That’s exactly what I do for my treats. I have to work in office Mondays and I get my little treats. Then the rest of the week I make myself a healthy protein coffee which is also great!

[@user-nc1es7sq9d]

I’ve never been in the first 5 views and comments on any video EVER! Love that I’m sharing this monumental moment with Miles 😂

[@mchammerandnail]

The farting phone call and advise had me laughing too hard. Like who tf is this man

[@faith-4059]

The ritual ad on 2x speed is a hoot and a half

[@nataliemerrill]

Pure DELIGHTFUL chaos

[@MsSadieb]

Shed is my new favorite character

[@ktswing88]

Miles, this prolonged eye contact is too much.

[@PerfectPerson]

An acting coach told me uninterrupted eye contact was considered charming by many

[@lizap9237]

Between the rat dreams and the toe fears, this person needs help.

[@CinnamonBasic]

omg i had just taken a huge gulp of water at 5:20 and it came out my nose from laughing 😭😂 thanks A LOT 😂😂

[@ceilav]

I worked at a smoothie place and many people asked if the fruit of veggies had to be frozen for their smoothie. 😂

[@breezeless72]

The little porcelain bath tub behind the Bath King himself!

[@careylee391]

Miles all lonely...nailed it !

[@jacquelynchin5513]

I learned to separate my pay check as soon as it hits my bank account so I can save and have money for little treats on a budget! I also learned how to make a cheap homemade version of the SB strawberry açaí refresher and how I like my coffee at home

[@ren0387]

omg pls say more about the homemade strawb refresher

[@jacquelynchin5513]

@@ren0387 I personally get the lemonade version. I get strawberry lemonade (not pink lemonade) and white grape juice (I usually used wegmans organic Juic’d Right since it was the cheapest option and wasn’t super tart). Plenty of online recipes also have a strawberry syrup that I never made lol. Ratio 1:2 white grape juice to strawberry lemonade (or to your taste preference). And then I got freeze dried strawberries to add in. Açaí was too expensive for me. In total cost me about $12 for the juices and strawberries and I got at least 6-8 drinks out of it. Definitely not the exact same but it was a cheap and close enough alternate that I was okay with it

[@ren0387]

@@jacquelynchin5513 thank you so much!!!

[@lisalynch7451]

just from the title all i could think about was "wow its zach"