Ashens Valentines Special 2022

[@BrenMcCullough]

Duck with wings AND wings? It's like the 2-headed snake of Valentine's Day.

[@Rynax-]

Biblically accurate rubber duck... ?

[@brianm6337]

Cerebus..

[@smb-c3po]

A supposedly biblical holiday with a Greek god as the mascot?

[@TommyDeonauthsArchives]

...

[@JinsokuYoroi]

The love Hydra

[@sheep83]

Props to the guy who designed the valentines gift that looks like a prolapsed arsehole when you squeeze it.

[@MeAuntieNora]

A reminder to practice safe butt play this Valentine's Day.

[@natelax1367]

I really really want to believe it was intentional and the designer laughed to themselves thinking nobody would ever notice

[@candyqueenify]

Me.

[@HaydenX]

I thought it looked more like a bullfrog croaking than a prolapsed rectum...mainly because a full prolapse still has a hole in the middle.

[@chrisa2735-h3z]

🤣

[@EightOneGulf]

Someone probably had to spend an hour manually hotglueing all those roses to that bear, so it could be sold for 1 pound

[@henke37]

An hour? The production quota requires no more than five minutes per unit!

[@u0aol1]

@@henke37 I can do it in 4, can I get a pay rise? I need another 30c a week to send my kids to school!

[@jlan7844]

And Ashens only took a couple of seconds to rip them all off for our entertainment!

[@RFC-3514]

@@henke37 - I doubt they'd be profitable at five minutes per unit. I'm pretty sure I could do it in less than two, which means a -vietnamese child- highly experienced and highly paid bear decorator can probably do them in about 30 to 40 seconds.

[@ZipplyZane]

I would have just assumed it was machine-made. They'd make the roses, have some glue, and make a sheet of roses, then drape that over the bear with more glue, first on side, then then the other.

[@malbliss4491]

Hey Ashens I've been watching your channel since middle school. I'm about to graduate from college now and I just want to say thanks. I've slept on many couches. But yours is the only one that has ever brought me comfort.

[@laneatkinson6441]

I love this comment.

[@nightmaregirl06]

You slept on Ashens' couch? Does he know?

[@Sharkfreak956]

I wish Ashens still picked from that box of rolled up paper valentines suggestions every year.

[@idontknowimlostforwords4715]

Didn’t he lose the box a few years ago.

[@Citrusautomaton]

@@idontknowimlostforwords4715 yeah lost it in 2018 :(

[@brianm6337]

@@Citrusautomaton Taken... by Brannigan's rift.

[@sharona1981]

Roses are red, I stuck them on a bear. Happy Valentine's, Enjoy your nightmares.

[@ethanol1586]

No holiday is complete until the ashens special is out

[@IAmNotAFunguy]

I live in the US. He obviously doesn't do July 4th...

[@Henchgirls]

@@IAmNotAFunguy And from this we can conclude that July 4th is never complete.

[@mrrandmssbearyt5222]

Agreed.

[@mnky75]

He doesn't do Bank Holidays, we should strongly suggest this. Then the circle will be complete....

[@startedtech]

For what it's worth, aloe vera is the plant itself. Not extracted from a cactus, it's extracted from aloe. But anyways that plush looks nothing at all like an aloe plant.

[@JurassicSophisma]

I think the "aloe" plush and plastic succulent are both supposed to be hoyas

[@tirsden]

Was looking for this comment. The aloe plant is also heckin' spikey which is not exactly my first thought for a Valentine's Day gift. I mean, maybe for a plant-lover or someone who likes sources of natural sunburn relief? At least, that's what I remember it being used for in Australia when I was a kid, the adults just cut part of the plant off and applied the inside stuff directly to the burn.

[@functionatthejunction]

@@tirsden We had some Black Gem aloe, a spike-less variety. Cat loves to chew on it and eat the soft stuff and juice inside. It gives them explosive, neon green diarrhea. Dogs too. And toddlers. Dont ask.

[@blobbem]

That rose bear really does give off a low-budget, sci-fi horror vibe. Like something out of an old Doctor Who episode.

[@jessicare5331]

It's an SCP

[@boeingnz]

And it's a pig.

[@Crazy___Ginger]

@@jessicare5331 probably a variant of SCP-1048

[@j.k.wheeler4899]

A cross between the creepy Auton doll and the Auton daffodils that smother you.

[@WEHRMUSIC]

Looks like something one might leave on a baby's grave tbh.

[@MeowingCookie_]

The duck reminded me of Caligula from Horrible Histories and now I can’t stop laughing

[@jessicare5331]

It does. Can't unsee it

[@rowanaboat4523]

I DUCKIGULA AM A GOD I ONLY HAVE TO NOD AND THROATS WILL BE CUT!!

[@becky5755]

QUACKIER THAN ME?!?! (I know, very much a stretch lmao)

[@garethsheppard240]

Reminded me more of Harpo Marx

[@geckokid8265]

I only wish it had wackus bonkus

[@plutoshaman]

The rose teddy reminds me of the teddy bear in SCP: Containment Breach that's made entirely out of human ears

[@lupi5858]

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE

[@Jojozilla426]

Omg you're right

[@ashmcint]

YES I was thinking the same thing

[@Chaosrain112]

SCP-1048: "Builder Bear", series 2.

[@TheMjohann]

This must indeed be one of its creations, henceforth labled SCP-1048-D. Thankfully Ashens managed to terminate it before it became active.

[@acissejimolleh]

Love how the cherub duck has an additional set of wings despite already having wings.

[@skylined5534]

You can never have too many wings! Unless it's because this duck came from near to Sellafield in which case yes, you can have too many wings.

[@hannahblurp9360]

Aloe vera isn't extracted from a cactus. It grows in a plant called aloe vera. You don't have to extract it either really, just snap a leaf in half and it's in there

[@TheJillers]

I came here to say that! The gift makes sense! Whether it's enjoyable or not is a different story (though I think it's cute and cheesy)

[@markiangooley]

It’s a succulent but definitely not a cactus.

[@TheMadAfrican1]

Was gonna say the same thing. As someone who lives in Asia, where we use it all the time, from drinks to rubs, it just annoys me that it was called a cactus.

[@Alex-fv2qs]

It also doesn't look much like that fake plant

[@hamsterama]

Also, aloe vera is native to the Middle East. Cactus species, meanwhile are native to the Americas.

[@TheHutchy01]

That's still probably not the most unpleasant thing on a lolly stick that Ashen's bitten on the sofa.

[@Alex-fv2qs]

It definitely isn't, it isn't even past its expiration date

[@XombieLejon66]

If ashens somehow finds candy that's 180 years old, then it could be in the conversation.

[@Interference22]

Blimey, that's a deep cut with the Dredd reference. That story is called The Day The Law Died! and it's bloody great. Volume 2 of the Judge Dredd Case Files, if anyone wants to read it.

[@rustyshackleford1875]

Thanks! That was bloody quick!

[@TheRealTerranMarine]

All it needs now is the goldfish

[@knukman]

Easy the ferg!

[@Lucien86]

I thought of it before he even said it.. That's like Judge Cal. One of the best Dredd stories.

[@OlagGan]

Actually as you all probably know Judge Cal is obviously based on Caligula. He even gave his pet Goldfish an important job of some description (can't remember what now. This is based on the legend of Caligula making his horse a Senator. However a fact that few of you would know Judge Cal comes back for the only adventure pack produced for the Games Workshop Judge Dread RPG (When Games Work actually dealt with other things other than Warhammer 37495K 😀)

[@theRx]

I mean that plush doesn't even look like an aloe plant, it just looks like the fake succulent plants you keep finding

[@Morbos1000]

I can give some clarification on the two plant ones. I'm pretty sure both are supposed to be leaves of Hoya kerrii, a succulent vine. The leaves are naturally heart shaped and if you remove them from the stem and stick them in soil they will take root. They won't grow into a new plant though so you basically have this heart shaped leaf for anywhere from a few weeks to a couple years and then it dies. They are mass produced for florist shops. The plastic succulent was definitely mimicking this. I'm pretty sure the plush one was too but they decided to call it an Aloe on the bag to have the pun make sense. Aloe look nothing like that and they also aren't a cactus, they are a succulent. They are still crap gifts, but now they are crap gifts with context!

[@jayhuf64]

Yes, I was thinking it was a Hoya as well

[@hamsterama]

I was thinking the same thing as you, that the plush, as well as the illustration on the bag, look a lot like hoya kerri. An aloe vera plant looks completely different. Obviously, whoever designed the product was not a plant enthusiast. To me, this would be equivalent to a Valentine's Day card that says "I love you berry much," and has a picture of a carrot.

[@nightwolfMKT]

You tearing apart that rose bear was oddly horrifying.

[@FluffyDragon]

Just the sound of it for me, can't stand it

[@intense_pickle]

You obviously don't know my wife...The blood of my enemies would be a perfect Valentine's day gift.

[@natelax1367]

Do you happen to be married to Elizabeth Barthory or her ancestors?

[@intense_pickle]

@@natelax1367 I can neither confirm nor deny...

[@ashleymaxwell3990]

She sounds lovely. We must arrange to have tea together and plot the downfall of nations.

[@intense_pickle]

​@@ashleymaxwell3990 Yeah, cause she's gonna share power with anyone. I'll bet my left nut that tea is poisoned...

[@ojrmk1]

That rose bear looks like what happens to the loser in a druid duel. It doesn't have a face.

[@MarkMichalowski]

LOL! The rubber heart is surely a "Get well after your hernia operation" gift...

[@massivepileup]

I think it aptly demonstrates the condition known as "broken heart syndrome" which is a lot more serious than it sounds. Dying of a broken heart isn't some romantic thing but a treatable condition.

[@maxshep2829]

Thanks, now i know what to get a coworker after his hernia op! 😂

[@ArticTiger]

That duck also looks strangely like Colin Baker's Doctor Who! Just missing the Technicolor coat!

[@Twinz25]

An Ashens Valentines Poundland special, my happy place.

[@swanningabout]

Not just poundland

[@XombieLejon66]

Ashens and Poundland/99p/Uncle Poundy's Pound Palace vids are as familiar and comforting as a first sip of coffee in the morning

[@nicks4802]

3:28 Duck: pls giv me gud review Stuart: I AM THE LAW

[@Everythingwithonehand]

I clung to my nice teddy bear while watching this to comfort me and reassure me that the horrifying rose-infested polystyrene bear wasn’t going to come and get me. I’ll have to cuddle him all night for protection. I’m z42 and this is how deeply this video has affected me.

[@hayatobun]

you're the embodiment of that meme Therapist: Rose bear doesn't exist, it won't hurt you Rose bear:

[@favoritemustard3542]

Yeah... they were once white roses..! 🧸🔪🌹

[@jessicare5331]

"I can't look st it without seeing Caligula" You're not alone.

[@SteveBrandon]

"Aloe, is it me you're looking for?" would have been a slightly better pun but I think it might have already been used as an episode-specific opening animation gag for the latest doomed business venture that opens in the vacant storefront right next to Bob's Burgers.

[@PabloSanchez-qu6ib]

It might have been even better if aloe was a cactus.

[@rayceeya8659]

What's that phobia about objects covered in holes? That's what "Rose Bear" reminds me of.

[@katewolfspirit6722]

Trypophobia

[@rayceeya8659]

@@katewolfspirit6722 Thanks, I knew someone had to know.

[@smb-c3po]

It's not even Valentine's Day and they're already advertising Presidents Day.

[@fish1e_]

the flesh-fold labia bear is certainly interesting. i dont really know what it would do other than collect dust and shit on a shelf 😂

[@skylined5534]

'C*nt bear' 😂 Utterly horrifying! Your comment did make me laugh! Laura the Labia Bear!

[@KirbyMario12345_939]

If a teddy bear shits on a shelf, I think the dust would be the least of your worries.

[@Mokong08]

The bear looked so much better when you took the crap off it x

[@TheLastPhoen1x]

Interesting enough, that "paw" pun filled me with the similar feeling of rage as Dr.Ashens expressed.

[@bruhmphrey]

"Aloe vera is a succulent plant species of the genus Aloe. Having some 500 species, Aloe is widely distributed, and is considered an invasive species in many world regions. An evergreen perennial, it originates from the Arabian Peninsula, but grows wild in tropical, semi-tropical, and arid climates around the world." Ah yes, the cactus chemical!

[@anononomous]

Duck at 2:55 I immediately heard the angelic chorus from There Must Be Angel by the Eurythmics.

[@godslaughter]

Holy fuck, Ashens, that dog paintjob actually looks freaking gorgeous. Ngl this just makes me want some hellhound toys...

[@larrymantic2635]

Too bad it was wasted

[@bentramer682]

He never changes, it only gets better.

[@silvernug]

Hey Ashens , thanks. One of my first subs back in the day, appreciate your accent, and of course those angelic hands. Lots of love, long time viewer.

[@MichaOstrowski]

The blood dog touched me deeply, due to laughter that turned into a bad cough fit, oof

[@er_cl]

it’s absolute blasphemy that my brain decided to forget about this channel. i was obsessed when i was younger. the toy violin was my favourite video on this site. watched the shit out of it and would always cry laughing no matter how many times id seen it. i’m so glad you appeared in my recommended and that you’re still making videos! 😭🤣

[@Sakovri]

That rose-teddy has lots of potential as an SCP or similar creepypasta. Spiraling flesh entity.

[@st4r64]

Could be one of Builder Bear's creations

[@smb-c3po]

Would you display it in your house?

[@Sakovri]

@@smb-c3po Nailed on the front door as a warning for solicitors, yes.

[@smb-c3po]

@@Sakovri In a way you kinda referred to Jehovah's Witnesses as hookers.

[@Sprech41]

teddy bear consumed by parasitic roses

[@readmore8974]

6:02 That's clearly SCP-1048

[@tapedemonstudios253]

Everyone is happy when Ashens makes a video, it apeases the great forces of the cosmos

[@TyphonMar]

I saw that rose bear and I thought of the SCP that makes other bears out of random stuff. Ears, unborn babies, office supplies. That sort of stuff

[@IanC14]

unborn babies? 😱

[@TyphonMar]

@@IanC14 yeah the entry is disturbing, as SCPs tend to be

[@markr1393]

At 3:20 there's a quick flash of text no need to pause it says "Either that or he upset contemporary historians"

[@MarkMichalowski]

"Rose Bear" is like alien fungal spores have taken hold of it...

[@clray123]

And the dog looks like an extreme case of thyroid cancer...

[@SeraphimKnight]

7:35 - 7:44 is like the most schizophrenic OOC ashens clip ever problably, had to pause the video cause I couldn't stop laughing

[@vahdis]

Biting the succulent is exactly the level of review I was hoping for on this channel

[@ChadMojito]

Cupid duck reminds me of Gladstone Gander

[@tibicenlinnei4014]

The succulent is a plastic version of a real succulent. Haworthia. They're heart shaped when you grow them from cuttings

[@wilting_alocasia]

I just saw one today for the first time, they're so sweet!

[@jommisalami]

They missed the perfect opportunity to use the pun "Aloe You Vera Much"

[@bardofthe90s57]

Those plants are supposed to look like a plant called a Hoya kerrii, which has heart shaped leaves. They're mass produced around Valentine's and sold cheap in cute pots. Fun fact: the way they're typically produced and stuck, the plant is unable to continue growing 99% of the time and you just keep a single leaf alive forever.

[@oliverrafferty8578]

Been waiting for this love these kind of specials

[@Wigglebury2959]

Nothing says 'I love you' like a prolapse

[@invisiblec0la]

the cactus heart reminds me of gossamer from bugs bunny.

[@fatboygaming451]

Why'd they give the cupid duck a second pair of wings, when it's already got wings?.

[@peterjf7723]

Because it's a radioactive mutant?

[@WintrBorn]

Duh, the yellow things are it’s *hands*. Didn’t you see the one holding the bow? 🤣 But seriously, yeah, more than a bit odd.

[@hadreabatt]

...The rose bear was my favorite thing though. It was so cute!

[@jennbennett9390]

My girlfriend and I started as coworkers, became friends, actively fought against and avoided dating, and now I'm planning how to propose. I certainly like her more than originally planned

[@VisioPhobia]

Doesn’t sound like you actively fought hard enough lol

[@Frank_D]

Ah yes. Cactuses. Known worldwide for being soft and cuddly . . .

[@skylined5534]

I just want to love you! Why are you always so sharp with me?! OW!

[@Jdbye]

The rose bear is kind of cute. I also thought at first that it looked edible, like it was made of icing. Funny they mention bear hugs, I don't imagine hugging this thing would be especially pleasant. It's purely a decorative object.

[@2fortsmostwanted]

I can tell you still enjoy doing these year after year, laughing at your own jokes and all. I know I still look forward to them

[@purpledreamer9654]

😊😂🤣😂☺️ I am so glad that I came on here tonight Thanks Stuart for continuing to share your poundlands specials with us That bear covered in roses was a bit strange 😶😳😲 You should have painted it as well 😁 Keep up the great work 🙏🌟🌻🤗😘🤗🌻🌟🙏

[@Avatarfan10000]

I love this but time to be captain killjoy and say that Aloe Vera is not cactus but rather a member of the Asphodelaceae family, not the cactus family.

[@MegaVikingen]

It also looks totally different from the plush plant, with it's long green barbed tentacle appendages. The plush toy might actually be based on some type of cactus though.

[@GerdMcGurk]

All behold the excellent Ashens specials

[@NeroXVLX]

I'm not sure what it is, but I feel like Ashens is suffering from a touch of madness.

[@W._Langman]

Wow, I had to look at aftermath, didn't I? Thanks, Stuart🤣🤣🤣

[@poppistarr]

The rose bear has a little piece of plastic or glue next to its mouth that makes it look like some kind of drooling medical experiment

[@charliedobbie8916]

You utter bastard. I have a muscle sprain at the moment and it hurts to laugh. The moment you declared you would paint the dog I braced for it, but wasn't prepared for that horror. Missed the end of the video writhing in pain. 10/10 would do again.

[@Two49]

The rose bear gives me TLoU vibes for sure.

[@anon343]

Still waiting for your 2023 version!!!

[@ashleyjudd9741]

I love Ashens Videos

[@linuxstreamer8910]

the rose bear makes me think of SCP-1048

[@JoeBleasdaleReal]

“Love Duck” is how you sign off a letter in the Midlands.

[@TheGreatestPlayerInTheWorld]

Happy valentines everyone

[@fostej99]

Probably my favourite theme of the yearly specials

[@carlwheezerofsouls3273]

6:08 if anyone remembers the old trailers for Atomic heart, with that one scene where the dude is completely covered in that fluffy mold looking stuff, thats what that reminds me of, just some otherwordly coating that absorbs whatever it touches.

[@davidtdunlop]

Not gonna mention that that cherub duck had wings above his wings?! 🤔😂

[@erikabaird7622]

After working eight hours at a job that I hate coming home and seeing that Ashens has uploaded the Valentine’s Day special makes everything a whole lot better. 😌

[@Xenite227]

Today I learned Ashens has absolutely no idea where Aloe Vera comes from. :D

[@bland9876]

That card the cat looks like it's smiling in that way that shy girls do when you start flirting with them.

[@ShellyS2060]

So glad you are back ❤ you

[@tonybeattie3980]

It is time for my one and only Valentine’s Day tradition to begin- thank ye oh mighty Stuart, your bounty makes me forget that generally speaking, people are shit.

[@ygkoz]

I have been watching you since 2010 and your channel is still funny like this will never get old ever .

[@sharkkebunni]

Blood Dog bless you, this always cheers someone up before V-day, also I turn away and turn back, thought that succulent plant had come to life, as the plushie plant show up right after it, didn't need that...

[@milktwosugars6848]

3:24 I can't unsee Leo sayer in this duck

[@georgiadreamingbb1245]

Hahahaha the oh !!!! That made me cry tears of laughter! Haha I was like charity...ohhh! 😄 🤣 😂 😆

[@virg0_lem0nade]

OMG i was delighted to hear you mention Creepshow, that is one of my favorite movies of all time hahaha

[@wyattkane]

January was 8 months long and I feel the need to collect canned food, so you get a pass on any joke you want to reuse. ❤️🤣❤️

[@BenPanced]

The heart thing at the beginning is an accurate representation of what landed me in the hospital for most of June 2020.

[@g.alvarez3140]

Oh my! Valentine's came early this year! Thank you Ashens! Your videos are the only things that help me through this cursed day and my fear of not being able to love

[@Ni5ei]

4:06 Perhaps it sucks up water when you put some in and the heart slowly turns red? Dunno, just an idea.

[@davidluopa4627]

The rose bear looks like it could be an as yet undefined SCP. You should definitely put it in containment before it escapes.

[@awesomegamercz]

SCP-1048-D perhaps?

[@THEADVENTURESOFKEVINTHECARROT]

I love at the end he just says oh.yep just...oh.

[@sharona1981]

New Ashens special, hurrah! Totally makes up for my being single. No, really. 😁

[@crackedemerald4930]

5:04 Aloe vera doesn't look like that at all, maybe as a baby cus i've never seen one, but when grown up it looks more like the head of a pinepple than a palm cactus.

[@Haybalemelonhead]

F in the chat for Satan dog

[@MaratVideos]

Happy Valentine’s Day. Eating chocolate intensities.

[@chezsnailez]

@6:06 Next day, the dawn was a brilliant, fiery red And I wandered through the weird and lurid landscape Of another planet for the vegetation That gives Mars its red appearance had taken root on earth As man had succumbed to the Martians So our land now succumbed to the red weed Wherever there was a stream, the red weed clung And grew with frightening voraciousness Its claw-like fronds choking the movement of the water And then it began to creep like a slimy red animal Across the land covering field and ditch, and tree And hedgerow with living scarlet feelers, crawling, crawling

[@SeeDaRipper...]

Thanks for the 'Aftermath' tip (found it one youtube) can't believe i've never caught it before, being a self confessed gorehound (there's some really good full body prosthetics) great show Ashens.

[@DasPlayer2]

Can't believe they had that on Netflix once

[@FranNyan]

Note to self: Never sit on that couch.

[@bland9876]

That bear is the Rose equivalent of a Chia pet.