Ask This Question To Make Someone Feel Truly Special

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Oprah Winfrey has a superpower. For over 30 years, people who speak to her have not been able to help but to open up, sometimes crying, expressing joy, or just showing the most vulnerable parts of themselves. That ability propelled Oprah to a net worth of four billion dollars not to mention launching books to the top of the bestsellers list and Dr. Phil's television career. So in this video, we are going to explore how and why Oprah is the best connector that I have ever covered on this channel. And you're gonna learn how to live so that people will naturally find themselves opening up and connecting with you. First off, Oprah sets the stage to connect literally.
Unlike many other TV show hosts, she is famous for walking the aisles of her studio audience and for sitting on the same couch as her guests. Later on, she would actually go into their homes for intimate interviews. Now, the lack of physical barriers such as a desk tends to make two people feel more connected and that's why you are more likely to find a spark on a first date if you sit adjacent to your date rather than being separated by a table.
0:33 Set the situation so connecting is easy
1:17 Connect physically and emotionally
2:58 It's easier to open up if there's eye contact
3:29 Actively listen and paraphrase accordingly
4:38 Call out whenever there are commonalities
Oprah makes James Corden cry:
• Oprah Can Make Anyone ...
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"'People won't remember what you said or did but how you made them feel." Maya Angelou

[@dorothywasrighttho5129]

This is so relevant because Maya Angelou was a close friend to Oprah. She believed in her before other did and Oprah reciprocate the same energy. They are both women who suffers great trauma and manages to turn those tears into gold. So, in someway, I feel like this quote was indeed talking about Oprah.

[@jxg1652]

@Late to the Game So by who is it then? Every source I find cites Maya Angelou.

[@Icon_of_Design]

Late to the Game Maya said it long before that.

[@flutterby8462]

Favourite quote 🥰

[@user-pc3vs3bd4j]

Best Quote ever

[@hanielortiz9646]

She makes people feel important. She makes people feel heard.... the key point is this: people dont always remember what you say, they remember how you MADE THEM FEEL.

[@DiamondsRexpensive]

Wrong, i remember both.

[@briannachance]

you're absolutely correct

[@strongindependentblackwoma1887]

that's why i record by writting every conversation i have with my crush

[@halolime117]

yeah thats a bit wrong lol, of course you remember what others say, otherwise you are just not listening or dont care

[@OriginalKingRichTv]

@@halolime117 men vs women.

[@cheesecakelasagna]

TEDTalks but does TEDListen?

[@KILL16ONLINE]

CheesecakeLasagna daamn

[@blossomseashell]

😂

[@elhamovic2324]

midblown

[@johngoodman5976]

Bio, those of science which would often claim too be this world's universal truth, rarely are willing to listen... Based upon their perspective, now ask yourselves: Why should they? What can they learn from you, which they cannot learn from their tools, perspective and intellect? Or even already know so well? *Everything* else, which in my world view is endless of worth, a deep infinite ever changing seanof possibility for great joy and the advancement in human nature.

[@sheetalb12]

Very true

[@shaxdayoutube-ka]

1. Proximity: stand or sit close to people 2.Touch: touch them in non sexual way 3. Prolong eye contacts: keep the eye contact for like 90%. 4. Ask for sensitive questions: don't be afraid to rock the boat 5. Share the similarities: we all love people that are similar or like us so tell people where you share similarities 6. Never diffuse when people cry infact validate. 7. Be human being who sincerely loves to connect with other people, not just to influence or liked by other people. Welcome, it's 2021

[@PTEC]

Cool

[@Soy_boy-by8ez]

OFC NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY IMAGINE SOMEONE OPENING UP TO YOU SO YOU PUT UR HAND ON THIER PRIVATES 😭😭

[@mortalkomment8028]

Summary comments are the best

[@chem3066]

Sitting too close is uncomfortable tho

[@AlexW-]

Do this to me and I'm gone lol

[@_pudu661]

Biggest takeaway: - genuinely try to understand someone’s experience with compassion and love

[@ioidt]

watch oprah's interview of meghan / harry , it is not genuinely at all - it was so fake both sides.

[@ginamarciano]

❤️

[@katelynnehansen8115]

Which she seems able to do with most people, with one big exception. Even when corrected, she is convinced that atheists are incapable of feeling awe. She seems to view us as some miserable creatures, rather than someone who just isn’t convinced that a god exists, particularly those posited by early humans. People who often first became disillusioned with their religious group because they couldn’t square their compassion for others, with the brutality and bigotry in the scriptures.

[@marcospina162]

​@@katelynnehansen8115 Most christians aren't convinced a god exists as well. If they were they wouldn't sin. The Bible isn't a book, it's a compilation of books from different writers so there's no consistency in the message. That's why I call myself christian again after years of being atheist. I sympathize with the knowledge of Jesuschrist spread out across the four gospels a lot more tĺhan with the Old Testament'book. I don't care about what Oprah thinks of atheists becase wheter we are all atheists or we are all christians

[@katelynnehansen8115]

@@marcospina162 I understand where you’re coming from. However, there are several issues I see. The gospels have differing and contradictory stories that were all written many decades after when Jesus was supposed to have lived, and I have no way of distinguishing what of it, is actually true. In some gospels he comes across as more of a gentle preacher of kindness and forgiveness, or a miracle worker. I must note that in modern day, we see “miracle workers” with thousands of avid supporters, who are consistently proven to be frauds. In other gospels, he is a death cult leader, telling people to turn on their family and follow him, because the world was going to end in monstrous Armageddon even before all of his disciples were passed away. I have learned enough about mythologies and their history, origins, and evolution, to understand how the major religions came about. How religion started out as nature and sun worship. As we became more aware and dominate as a species, we started imagining gods as more powerful versions of ourselves, and for some regions, it became a singular powerful being. It was our best way back then of explaining reality. Of course a raging storm, erupting volcano, or crippling disease, without the tools, time, or reasoning skills to understand it, would seem like powerful angry god/s doing it on purpose. So theism has evolved like languages. You could call Christianity and Islam, daughter religions of Judaism, which itself was influenced by the Zoroastrianism and Sumerian myths that came before it. Trouble is, from back to ancient Egyptian days, conmen claimed that they and their family were from the gods, or that they could speak to god, or their group was chosen by gods. And many groups got progressively more brutal to those who didn’t accept their tales and allow them rule. I would argue that the Abrahamic religions spread not because they were true or good, but because they were brutal. They spread through bloody war, horrific torture, colonization, and intense indoctrination. They did and do, deny reality to maintain faith, sometimes to the extent of killing or imprisoning a clever human that learned something new about our universe, which happened to disagree with the accepted mythology. It’s impossible to quantify or describe the amount of suffering inflicted in the rise to power. The loss of knowledge and progression as a species. The loss of empathy and ability to have a reason based morality, rather than what some dude said a god said. Those that converted and survived seem to have Stockholm. So to sum up, if there’s a slim chance you read this far: I think it’s highly unlikely that most of the Bible is anything more than a collection of folklore spread by the sword and through oppressive tactics, and I believe it’s caused irreparable harm to humanity. If you already don’t really accept the bulk of the Bible, if you already have to use your own senses to choose what you follow, and if it’s pages are stained red with all the blood shed in its name, why continue to stand by it? Why only divorce yourself from the OT when I’d argue the NT is in many ways more disturbing?

[@laurie8857]

A lot of those tips are person-centred counselling. I would warn people trying this that the risk of this approach of relating is while people will feel understood, heard, and known (things we all crave) it can also create a power dynamic where people turn to you for support without reciprocity.

[@Tru2412]

Absolutely agree with you Laurie.This has certainly been my experience.

[@skylerlove8935]

Someone mentioned up in the comments that they don't believe Oprah is an introvert. Which made me scoff. Very CLEARLY she is an introvert, because she UNDERSTANDS people and their struggles and doesn't ask for anything back. When you're the one doing the listening, of course you're an introvert. And of course none of these people reciprocate back to Oprah and ask about HER. I'm very similar. I can listen to people all day long and people feel very connected to me because I'll listen to them, but they aren't my friends because the relationship will always be about them. I'm very certain I was a therapist in my past life, but I try very hard to force myself to not make that kind of connection with every person I meet because it's extremely emotionally exhausting. Even when I've seen Oprah on Ellen, she ALWAYS mentions how she doesn't have any friends, and I feel like nobody ever listens to her say that or believes that because she is Oprah and a billionaire she must have hundreds of friends. But I know she doesn't. It's a very lonely life being the one everyone turns to when they want to talk and that's all people want from you. Oprah also tells Ellen that she is one of her only real friends, which makes me sad. But I also relate because I really only consider a couple of people to be my friends.

[@jasminehouston-burns1691]

That is so true. I'm not exactly sure how to deal with that dimension. Sometimes I think that once you've opened up that space, you also have to take responsibility for the fact that that moment is really about the other person.

[@RandomNirvanaSXE]

I dont mean to Talk myself up but ive been this type of person since i was a kid. You are 100% correct. I learned the hard way. but i still appreciate that people feel comfortable and safe around me to open up/be themselves.

[@OceansTreasure]

Skyler Love wow ok hi soul twin, same. I feel like therapist type people often have soo many people who trust them but very few true friends, and even with those they still rather focus on their friend's problems then voicing their own. It can def feel very lonely when you think that your closest friends dont truly know who you are, because that leads to the questions, so how can they really love you?

[@bonjakobsen]

you did a wonderful job capturing her greatness, i'm her fan and you've got it. thank you

[@WealthbuilderzTV]

Oprah is the original guru of making people feel comfortable

[@silverknight1740]

*Vulnerable.

[@irenesleatherpants]

Silver Knight I don't think she makes them feel vulnerable, they look like they feel safe opening up to her.

[@taylorholmes2041]

my son draws and did a picture of oprah. we want to give it to her. how do we meet her?

[@johngoodman5976]

Her ability goes far beyond comfort, we taught her how to bring and lead towards ecstasy

[@needybreadpan8713]

except when she interviewed the olsen twins - she was rather rude there

[@NanceeEspinoza]

As a licensed therapist, I couldn't love you more.rigbt now. Not only did this short video teach people how to connect, it also explained why it's ihemportant. It ends by directing folks to counseling to help unpack the stuff preventing them from real connections and relationships. The world could be better and kinder if people would follow these easy steps. Much love and respect brother! 🤗

[@exwade8777]

It's beyond ridiculous how good this channel is... I'm blown away at how much I'm learning from you, and how much of an insight in to my own insecurities I'm gaining, as well as figuring out ways to battle and overcome them. Thanks a million!

[@KiceDz]

1. oprah is more touchy than Chris hemsworth. Use it in your advance. Get physically closer, avoid tables. Sit adjacent on dates. 2. 100% eye contact. Don't hide with your body. Focus your body towards the person you talk to. Be confident. 3. Exploit what moves the person emotionally. Hit close heart. Hardship, Family, Things we're ashamed of. Family is pretty hard for most of people. And they'll open up. Because you'll listen. 4. Don't diffuse the tension if someone cries. Go with the flow. Encourage them. Be empathetic. Amplify their emotion no matter if good or bad. Actually this is psychological exploitation at its finest XD.

[@karolina2406]

Brilliant. Thank you for identifying all these insights for Oprah's master skill in an excellent way! I will definitely practice this. I took Causative Communication workshop by Ingrid Gudenas and she teaches many of these concepts. It is great to see such a great example of these concepts. Thank you!

[@janiceshayne8193]

Interpreting what you've just seen as "exploiting" says a lot about you, my friend. Authentically caring about others vs. "exploiting" them becomes apparent quickly. All good things in this world have a shadow side, the biggest lesson will be learned when you find yourself alone without long-lasting, enduring friendships because you believe your intent to "exploit" will pave the way for success and riches. It may happen, but the suffering you cause and the cost will be equally great.

[@fighterflight]

I let the first “exploit” go but the second is just slightly sus.

[@jesseniarodriguez8337]

@@janiceshayne8193 all narcissists think they’re clever. They only play themselves and end up alone.

[@sbusisiweshaba1715]

I agree with everything except touch, I hate being touched unnecessarily, unless it's my family or man.

[@kj1227icecap]

You have a superpower!!! The ability to analyze, educate and inspire.

[@mohawmmadmahdi4618]

uve said it

[@ioidt]

calm voice !

[@ivan7604]

you need such a rare mindset, heart and soul to be a person like this. It's admirable

[@hanzlearningsolutions]

Oprah biggest strength has been her ability to make you feel comfortable. People open up to her becoz she just walks up and talks and she makes people happy. She genuinely likes making people happy which is what I love about her way of communicating.

[@HanifCarroll]

One thing I noticed about Oprah in this video was how she always looks extremely calm and comfortable. I think that adds a bit of an effect to her touch.

[@Littlegoblin69]

Sometimes I wonder if these really charismatic people are doing these things consciously or unconsciously. Like are they psychology masterminds or do they just do it naturally...

[@bubbyskittles4802]

Mill S that’s a great question. You can easily fake things like confidence and power, but genuine interest in others is almost impossible to fake. And genuine interest is unfortunately something that so many people lack.

[@Littlegoblin69]

Zisha Stilitz Oh yeah that makes a lot of sense! Thanks for the insight!

[@PracticalInspiration]

If they're genuinely charismatic then they will be genuine in their behaviour. I focus quite a lot on non-verbal communication on my channel and one of the key things is that there's so much subtlety in how we communicate that it's insanely hard to fake your charisma. That's why even actors when acting will get so invested in a part or think back to personal experience to convey emotions.

[@heatherbryant4197]

I think they have an unconscious ability, but when you do this for work, you may hone your abilities consciously. My whole life people have always opened up to me, even when it was unwanted. Can't tell you how many times I've been standing at a bus stop and some random person ended up telling me their life story and struggles through tears. I've always been a patient listener. I don't compete for attention or just wait my turn to talk. I've also been told I have a "kind face" and approachable demeanor so I think some of it may be related to looks that are outside our control. I've had homeless people tell me they were surprised by the fact that I didn't act afraid of them or ignore them. Treating people with respect goes a long way. As well as being non-judgemental. Just allow people to vent, don't judge, and try to be empathetic. Some people say that victims have a certain "aura" that other victims (and perpetrators) can sense. Like you just intuitively understand this person has been through a lot and will understand your suffering. I don't know if I believe that, but I do seen to be a magnet for these kinds of people. Not being easily aggitated when people get emotional also helps. If you can appear moved, yet still calm, it strikes that balance of being emotionally-impacted yet still grounded enough to be a stabilizing force for the person breaking down.

[@Littlegoblin69]

Heather Bryant oh wow that’s interesting. Do you like having that ability to talk to people like that or do you ever feel like it’s just too much information?

[@janejaxnlunalux2745]

I also realized that when you look at the eyes of the speaker in a group conversation the person speaking looks toward you more

[@michellecampa9850]

I can confirm this lmao, i always look at my boss eyes while hes talking to all of us and he mostly turns to look at me at that moment. It could be because they feel they are being heard

[@squiddyft.insecurities3549]

omg my teachers always do this with me

[@raimondspauls]

Great points throughout the video! I think it's also very important to stress out what goes on (presumably) in Oprah's mind during an interview. When she's listening to someone, she's not just making eye contact and furrowing her brow for outward effect, she's also listening and comprehending what the other person has to say. She doesn't just look the part, she puts her undivided attention into the conversation. That's why she naturally comes up with those meaningful personal questions. That's huge and surprisingly rare. My point is, she's mindful during an interview, and mindfulness is a big part of any person's charisma.

[@fighterflight]

She’s empathizing, that’s her superpower.

[@davidshipandeni8145]

in February this year 2019 I watched a video of one of Oprah's old clips and found myself in tears. she got superpowers

[@InvestingHustler]

Can u make a video on how to make people forget about you instantly 🤔

[@Charismaoncommand]

Ha I think that is probably the default

[@InvestingHustler]

Charisma on Command hahah thanks 😂👌

[@reginadavis1028]

@@InvestingHustler sounds like you have a new stalker you're trying to get rid of? 😂

[@johngoodman5976]

Hypnosis would be the key that I know the most...

[@VanessaSanchez-kv6co]

Idk if this was a joke but just lol’d

[@CuriosityCulture]

Honestly, I watch her videos on KZbin just to study her amazing talent lol

[@Charismaoncommand]

New habit of mine as well

[@cinnybun0247]

Man I see you every where!!!

[@djBulba]

He is trying to market his channel. You will see this jackass on Vox videos as well.

[@SR77736]

That's a great idea! I'll try that.

[@cinnybun0247]

Neeraj Jadhav that's true

[@genericscout5408]

Help people because you care about them. That's how you get remembered forever. There is no greater power than love. It's a lesson that I've known since youth. Simply put no one expects someone to actually care. So the moment you truly want the best for someone in that moment the world changes. It's a simple truth.

[@PracticalInspiration]

That's a beautiful message. It goes back the other way too, by giving and loving others, you feel happier about yourself.

[@usctrojans001]

I'm Glad for you, I've been that way with a Family Member, Putting My Full Faith in them, Loving Unconditional and giving my Full Attention but it back fired! Now I get "Your Too Caring and Spoil Me". Now I get No credit, there is no winning.

[@vjhfdtcydshutd]

Caring for others is a common trait among humans. Be very careful about calling an act of care for someome as love. Love takes time and effort, investment worth great rewards. But, love is a privelege. Caring for stangers, is very very different from investing into the people you might not like all the time, but you choose to be there for them, even when they don't appear to be in pain, or needing your genrerosity, which is when we normally 'care' for strangers.

[@vjhfdtcydshutd]

@ True. We come with nothing, and go with nothing. Some say there is freedom in that fact.

[@ladeiatriplett4195]

Generic Scout You are so right 🙌🏾

[@HumanOobleck]

Oprah was my first exposure to international television as a kid and it's interesting to see how much I turned up like her conversationally.

[@juniperbrooke3883]

I used to be this way and it can be very overwhelming to take on everyone else’s baggage. I don’t know how to separate myself from it so now I just close myself off.

[@DarlaAnne]

Oh I hear that.. It's so draining. Impossible to not care but so hard to be affected so long.

[@VeraYve]

It's important that you also have someone who cares about you and listen to you

[@nikkf3784]

Yes, I feel other people's feelings so much that for my own sanity I do at times have to close myself up or wall myself up.

[@houserspeed]

I have to remind myself of this all the time: just like you listen to other people and their emotions, listen to yourself and your emotions so you feel seen and heads and can take care of yourself and your needs

[@T.R.A.I.N.I.N.G.]

oprah can touch because she's female. female touch has a powerful effect according to studies on both men and women, while male touch creeps people out.

[@obrigaah]

Bakunin really. I kinda notice that too. I really want to see the the studies. Can you send me a link?

[@jennamcgregor10]

Male touch out of order creeps people out, like he mentions in the video. You can't go hugging strangers, but I love hugs and flirty arm touches from my guy friends.

[@77summertime]

Dr. Oz seems to do a lot of touching though not as much lately, probably because of the Me Too movement.

[@s.a.8548]

Dr.Oz is a very good male platonic toucher. It's all about the vibe you give. If you're overly touchy with a crying girl because you think she's attract and trying to get "some" people will sense it. But if you genuinely wanna comfort people no matter the gender or looks nobody will ever call you a creep. My brother for example. He is quick to comfort and give hugs to vulnerable people looking for understanding. He actually LISTENS to what the person has to say and gives them validation that they deserved to be listened to. No matter the gender, age, look, or status people open up to him. He got that from my father who was a physical therapist. A very emotional and empathy demanding job working with resently disabled people due to accidents. What I'm trying to say is people can sense your intentions especially if you're touching them. Most young guys unfortunately are only quick to comfort pretty girls because they want something out of it. Don't do that and you'll be just fine.

[@KitsuneFyora]

It's not that a male touch is "creepy", it's because many men haven't learned to listen to their emotions based off of how they were raised/ what happened in their life. I've had men touch me who have a genuinely caring touch that feels comforting. It's just difficult to find them.

I think the key is a genuine interest in people and their stories. All these things come naturally when you truly value hearing someone's story and feel honored that they are willing to share it with you.

[@PracticalInspiration]

Amazing video, I think this is one of the best I've seen in a while (all of them are great, I just loved this). Oprah is really one of the most inspiring people I can think of, I've heard about where she came from and what she had to go through as a child and seriously that story alone leaves people in tears. However, what's remarkable is while many wouldn't have had the strength to drive themselves away from that, she's not only got her life on track, but she's become one of the most successful people imaginable and she does it by helping others. She's just amazing!

[@MegaLadylove2012]

I think it’s tht feeling of not being judge. Feeling accepted. Maybe respected even

[@trandom2083]

my Grandma is an opra personality. She can talk to anyone and asks the best questions because shes truly interested. Its a gift

[@mryan1788]

Eye contact is tricky. A lot of Asian cultures find it very aggressive, rude, or presumptuous. I'm Filipino and the prolonged eye contact that is normal and expected in western society is really off-putting if I don't know someone well, but engaging in casual platonic touch during conversation is very normal and much more welcome.

[@loveforeva12]

I agree this video is not universally applicable. Eye contact and touching can come off as rude and aggressive in many cultures

[@DontPlayWithMePlayWithYaMama]

Touching? Absolutely not. I don't want a stranger touching me...

[@bluudrippz]

eye contact is not aggressive or rude or presumptuous in asian cultures - if anything, touching is. i’ve never heard of eye-contact being off-putting in filipino culture at all.

[@Leopold_van_Aubel]

A lot of the things he says in his videos sometimes apply to the USA but not to a lot of European countries. So the gap with even farther cultures may be bigger.

[@goodheavens1]

I think this video is more catered to America, in some countries it’s still extremely common for people to touch you in conversation, from my experience at least in the Arab world and the Spanish world people do it all the time

[@bravesoul5743]

Oprah has such a warm personality. With that kind of a person beside you or around you is certainly unforgettable.

[@michaelclark4876]

When I was in med school, during the intro to clinical medicine section on interviewing, we were specifically directed to observe Oprah's technique. What was specifically praised was her ability to get people to open up. Unfortunately not such was discussed in the way of specific methods, just that she was especially good at it.

[@janaesimmons4672]

Wisdom teacher/American Queen (Oprah Winfrey) is so personable, sweet as Pie, a great inspiration for all she presents to. A truly God send. Much blessings to her. JS.

[@heliopyre]

I find the show Hot Ones to be a great example of getting people to open up. he asks such good questions.

[@uberdonkey9721]

I think her childhood trauma, and more importantly overcoming it, made her really empathetic. What she understands about people wanting to be heard, is what she herself needed. Now she knows, she can create this immense love for people.

[@SalemGTV]

I can litterally FEEL the connection with her.

[@tomasgouveia2277]

Man I've got to say you're videos are some of the absotute BEST I've ever seen!And you really deserve like 10+ million subscribers

[@HumanOobleck]

I feel this is naturally my personality type and after years of being treated like an unpaid therapist something inside me has closed off. People feel like a difficult experience for me and everything feels good from a distance. I've trained myself to spend more time with skills and nature. I always focused more on people and now I focus more on painting, hiking, trees, music and designing. It's almost like someone else lives in my body now.

[@DestinyC1020]

Omg you've nailed Oprah! She truly does have a gift. And love her or hate her, you can't help but notice that she really does have the gift of drawing people out and allowing them to feel safe enough to be their TRUE genuine selves around her. I hope to be more like that with my close family and friends. :)

[@nadiamo6522]

I love how you breakdown talk show host styles. I would love a video on Ellen’s hosting style. I’m really curious how she gets actors to play games and how she’s able to scare actors on her show and they still come back to the show another time!

[@jessiesharon7198]

Lol I'm curious too

[@VenusEvan_1885]

Because they love Ellen , she is funny and likeable

[@AvitalShtap]

Notice how she "Yes And"s every interaction!:)

[@Imran_18653]

As an INFJ, these skills come naturally to me. I suffer in making small talk but if the other person makes an effort to ease my tension then I leave a lasting impression by showing real empathy

[@pinkdiamond007]

Oprah is an INFJ too! its a wonderful gift INFJ's have :)

[@HexenFrau]

I am also an INFJ and I concur.

[@sjones3191]

Agreed

[@jessitabonita]

Agreed! The problem is we become everyone's therapist without any reciprocity. 😕

[@globaltrance092]

@@pinkdiamond007 I think Oprah is an ENFJ

[@maribeldeleon6686]

Great tips for creating or strengthening relationships. However, beware of vicarious trauma. It’s okay to put boundaries on what you are willing to listen to when you are connecting with folks.

[@Guezfye]

also she's an aquarius which makes her a people person very friendly sociable and full of energy

[@Mrburnsburns727]

Give everyone you meet a free car.

[@RoxanneGutierrez010]

Awww and not pay the gift tax... Lol I remember hearing about that incident. It was the epitome of the saying 'No good deed goes unpunished' lol

[@johngoodman5976]

@@RoxanneGutierrez010 Someone grants you a brand new car and you deem them criminals because the gift tax is not included? Forgive me for saying, but right now I just pity you...

[@ItsAsparageese]

Or BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

[@bellabrainrot3348]

*David Dobrik*

[@chirag8503]

mr beast

[@serenitysky23]

I think Lindsay Lohan longed all of her life for appreciation and recognition from her loved ones and she didn't get it from them as she needed it or not at all, that's why people become so emotionally when someone sees their achievments

[@oddflacko5063]

*studies these videos because I'm an awkward sociopath*

[@gavinreid8351]

Vianella.

[@oddflacko5063]

@yerb it does help me

[@gracexpump5320]

Same 🎃

[@shayaneskandari9032]

Same here

[@IamTheLastCasanova]

I teared up watching this too. Thankful that they pinpointed the exact ways Oprah shows the power of true connection. That intimacy can happen in a moment when we are truly present with another and give them a place to feel seen and heard. Empathy is what the humans will bring when AI handles the rest of our lives and at that point we will see that the true currency is connection. Thank you thank you for this concise and impactful video. What a great reminder of the power each of us holds to create a beautiful next world. .

[@dawnlapka2433]

For every bad touch it takes 5,000 good touches. And now we have to stand 6 feet apart for now, except for couples and close family. Oprah makes touch safe. Therapists teaching each other make safe touch can learn from her, well. But she went to school for communication, as well....

[@HanaRosePrevious]

She is so freakin inspiring! Just being present to people is the biggest gift to give

[@_sam_ddn]

She's a two faced hypocrite

[@mackss9468]

@@_sam_ddn Thank you. Oprah is horrific…. But she is a good interviewer, I’ll give her that.

[@MindNow]

She literally CARES and LISTENS to her guests. That is the best way to connect with people! Love it brother

[@ShawnzoSSB]

Winny Films It makes me very uncomfortable that your profile pic's wink is on the right eye but the emoji's is on the left😂

[@MindNow]

Unova 777 hahaha lol! Damn it!! I fudged up!! 😂😂😂

[@busimo]

She is a great actor. You should be on as the guest on the show to know how grest of an actor oprah is.

[@acharich]

Shawno 7 😂

[@CabezasDePescado]

no, she is crap

[@reformaster]

Oprah is amazing indeed but dude you're channel and knowledge you share here is freaking great. What is amazing about you Charlie is that every personality you describe here seems unique and is so indeed and that's why I find you yourself unique! Great Charlie! Keep on going!

[@Charismaoncommand]

Thanks!

[@annaharris4396]

it was because of videos like this that i watched in middle school that i know you're actually supposed to look people in the eye when they're talking

[@imbilta]

YOU....the person who made this video is exceptionally good yourself!!!!

[@sarahholland1375]

It's warmth and genuine interest. Everyone responds to that.

[@xinlingyu8338]

“I am an introvert” she says

[@rocketassistedgoat1079]

She probably is. I'm really comfortable with words, people and public speaking now; but when I was 15, I had a lisp and no one could understand me, it was so fustrating. When I finally got my voice back...all the words just came out, you know. She has the empathy, quiet stillness and just...thoughtful, authentic demeanor of an introvert. I do believe, with a little help and time; they can be among the most charismatic people.

[@PracticalExperts]

@@rocketassistedgoat1079 No she is not an introvert, she is actually an extrovert ( ENFJ) to be more specific

[@oliverstorey5347]

Charisma on Command should be a college

[@nin7283]

@@PracticalExperts lmao

[@Idkidk-tl1nt]

I actually hate when I am talking to someone and the person is intensively staring at me. I mean, I know it means that they are paying attention, but I have the constant fear that something is wrong with me 😂😂

[@cesarchavez5235]

Ziky 👁_👁'

[@bobsmiles6926]

Saaame 😂💀

[@MegamanStarforce2010]

Odds are they're doing it wrong in that case. It's not just about eye contact, it's first about letting yourself seem like a non-judgmental and open person yourself. Once you've shown that there's absolutely nothing to fear about you, listening with eye contact gets massively stronger at actually getting people comfortable talking to you.

[@imJalk]

Ziky maybe youre insecure

[@apollofateh324]

Ziky Sounds like they make you aware of your insecurities. That means your job is to figure out what those are, and figure out how to be more accepting of yourself.

[@Magagaification]

I always have been able to connect with people and to make them confess easily and without feeling judged, but I didn't really know why, I thought "well I am naturally like that that's all", but with that video I understand better what in my behavior makes me good with relationships with others even strangers, I am an "Oprah-person" ahahah thank you because I feel better about myself, These days I am doubting so much, I needed it. Thanks again !

[@NoName-zb1gm]

I'm no Oprah and I'm actually kind of shy and introverted but I have the ability to make people like me and feel comfortable around me because I'm friendly and I have a sense of humor and I listen to them and make them feel important.

[@sashiniweerasekara278]

Ever since I was a child I've had the trouble of connecting with others while it is the thing I want the most. I just didn't know how to but growing up I figured out that I do some things wrong in communication. And this video just taught me the path to communicate correctly. I so happy I came across this video.

[@Haileyrodriguez288]

Exactly would I commented in another video similar to this one I hear you but the only thing we could really do is try and see where what happens if we fail we keep trying

[@ezzatisaid]

You are not alone. I too had to work on my socialization skills after realising that there's too much misunderstanding than I'd like in my life. Hope you're doing better now!~

[@AirElegant]

I think because Oprah experienced extreme pain in her past making others open up too.

[@7PlayingWithFire7]

Air Elegant Its literally a topic in this video :P

[@PracticalInspiration]

Her life story is actually pretty horrific when you look at what she's been through. Your right, I think personal experience is how she's developed such empathy.

[@hypnoticharmony3507]

True So True

[@Usammityduzntafraidofanythin]

Not everyone who's experienced extreme pain in the past has that skill though. It's more innate, IMO. She probably had to work on it too.

[@jokhard8137]

Air Elegant It's not that simple. Traumatized people (who haven't been able to work on it) are very likely to misinterpret others in "familiar situations" because their psyches are going off the rails at the hint that something bad is going to happen again. She must have worked on it a ton. Don't ever try to hint that anyone is better off experiencing something truly awful again, thanks.

[@MoveInSilence23]

Oprah is a person everyone should study.

[@roadtojoy8037]

Absolutely.

[@blondwiththewind2598]

She's VERY intuitive.... and she "reads" people well. It's innate to her: she does it naturally.....it is NOT just coming from theoretical learning. She has honed her "active listening skills".... BUT she also knows when (and IF) to reflect ideas back to the person. She knows which people NOT to push too hard for information or reactions.... she knows intuitively when to pull back as well as when to lean into a particularly difficult conversation. She's OPRAH!!! She's one of the best interviewers "out there".

[@VenusEvan_1885]

@@blondwiththewind2598 absolutely she is my mentor

[@emilyau8023]

I read this one article that shared you can ask 20 questions and get someone to become attracted to you. I didn't believe it at first, but the questions were personal and deep enough to where sharing such information would make you more likely to like a person. I think Oprah did that technique, but it was televised.

[@Alissasness]

Heck yeah.. she's the wealthiest woman in the US

[@blindsurgeonc]

COC, you are one of the biggest social genius I've ever watched (and I'm a student of psychiatry).

[@criswebb7470]

Oprah is so brilliant; she deserves every penny she's earned.

[@livylu6287]

I don’t care what anybody says about her, I absolutely love her. We live in a day and age where everyone gets scrutinized over every little bad day that they have. Oprah truly was a huge part of my childhood and why I have the empathy for others that I do. My mom used to watch her every day. I continued that into my young adulthood before she stopped doing her show. It absolutely broke my heart when she did. she exposes people to real life issues that they can’t possibly understand if they haven’t been through it… But they can absolutely connect with her guest and empathize through the way she connects and empathizes. ❤ One of my biggest dreams was to be on her show in the audience, but it will never happen. 😢❤

[@andrejackson6618]

“Love to hide in a bathroom” WHEN I TELL YOU I AM LITERALLY HIDING IN A BATHROOM

[@emmylimmy]

There is a distinction between: 1. getting a person to open up to you (which is one-sided), vs. 2. opening yourself up to another person (also one-sided), vs. 3. mutually connecting with a person. In a given situation I'm usually good with #1, and occasionally #2, but really struggle with #3.

[@ElowenFaye]

Having this amount of self-awareness I think is a huge step towards #3

[@joyfuljourney3134]

#3 requires trust and effort on both sides. ❤

[@daymenpollet4202]

U have the most important skill then in my opinion because u can do what other people really need and doing what others can't give to most. Congrads bro, u have a skill to be proud of.

[@Caitlin11ify]

Absolutely stunned that Oprah thinks of herself as an introvert. I had to rewind a few times to make sure I’d actually heard that right!

[@elpidarina1437]

i saw the better health ad and i gasped

[@monp.4903]

Great video. I learned that I need to shut up and listen!!

[@jocelynbui6352]

I immediately cried when I saw Oprah told James that "Every father has a dream for his children".

[@soulincolor]

This makes a lot of sense. My mother had this gift, and it was for many of these same reasons; touch, eye contact, and just really being present and genuinely curious.

[@ankaplanka]

I have a hard time opening up when it's only about me. But I can open up easier if more people feel vulnerable at the same time.. I also read just now that I have the same personality type as Oprah: INFJ. I have always wanted to have these type of discussions with people, because I really wanna cry with them. Since I have autism, I find it hard to keep eye contact for long, because I tend to forget what the person says, being to focused to look into their eyes. So I look between them. I also never know if it's okay for me to just touch someone's shoulder or anything like that, like we see Oprah do here, because I'm so used to being around people who disliked or even hated being touched. I can get stiff but I don't mind being touched, atleast when I'm feeling okay. I have noticed that I have made people cry with my writing. I'm better at constructing sentences on paper than saying them, because they will focus on the text, and therefore, I don't really have to verbally say the hardest part of whatever it might be about. I would love to be able to speak and do things in a similar way as Oprah. She is someone I, like many other people, have always looked up to and she's gonna be remembered for a long time! I really hope so... no. I know. Anyway, hope you all have a great day or night, wherever you are~

[@Justchantel]

I had this in my watch later list forever, so glad I finally watched it.

[@GingerRootsMedia]

I don't remember being taught these things, I think it came from years of dealing with people as a bartender.

[@unleashingpotential-psycho9433]

One thing I noticed is when people talk about their passions, I tend to remember them for a long time.

[@gavinreid8351]

I remember when people talk passionately about what interests them.

[@badicusvibesimus182]

I'm pretty sure if someone started touching me like Oprah did I would remember them forever in a very weird way.

[@greymind9815]

Well I disagree after all a good way to touch a person is to make sure the other person doesnt tense up.

[@PracticalInspiration]

It depends on who it is and how they do it. I actually noticed the HR director at the company I work for does exactly the same thing, but again, there's no awkwardness in the way she does it because of the skills she has to connect with people.

[@Sharon-pb7so]

I have a friend who does that. He does it to everyone even waitresses. You can see them take a mental step back and in 3 seconds decide if he's harmless or not. On more than one occasion I've wandered off to the ladies room but really took a detour to find the waitress and let her know he is harmless. I also slip them an extra tip. I really wish he wouldn't do it, it's getting expensive for me. I'm not comfortable being touched by strangers and I can see the war going on in some of these people's heads. His wife is oblivious, my husband is pretty oblivious too. Maybe I'm just more tuned in but not everyone welcome physical contact even if it is only putting your hand over another's.

[@cheesecakelasagna]

Sharon Martin maybe he's just like Chris Hemsworth.

[@badicusvibesimus182]

Sharon Martin I would go so far as to say the majority of people dislike being touched by anyone they don't know on a personal level, the only reason why it's considered acceptable here is because it's in front of an audience, and the people being touched basically signed up *in order to get attention*

[@samiraballey2290]

It's a wonderful thing- and I can tell you I had the luck to experience similar situations with many people who suddenly opened up themselves to me. It an incredible situation for both sides. Honestly, many things she does, I do them naturally, so far without being aware of.

[@aywancfc]

I noticed she likes to mimic the posture of her guests. It’s super interesting, like she picks up on their sense of self so to speak. This was a great video, thank you 🙏 :)

[@twentyone5923]

if oprah ever say a simple hi to me id probably bawl my eyes out. that's how powerful she is.

[@afshahussain132]

You know the sitting opposite facing one other, it really works. After watching this, I realised how many people have opened themselves up, especially when you make storing eye contact. Which I often do when I talk to someone. But when I immediately look away, somehow the other person will feel rejected and won't be as comfortable or safe to express.

[@aneni]

you really just have to genuinely care. about what other people have to say, how they feel and think. sadly tho, people rather talk about themselves than listen. not to mention attentively-listen.

[@sanjaynandalall2260]

Has the ability to make anyone cry? Gee, she literally made me cry watching this video. Wow

[@forresttoyne8559]

I had to talk a course in the basics of counseling, and this video basically summarizes everything we learned.

[@jazzblack666]

Can you do a charisma and manipulation techniques breakdown of Hannibal Lecter from the series?

[@spikeyok8497]

YES, PLEASE!

[@shamicentertainment1262]

jazzblack666 Yes I really need to learn from Hannibal. He is my mentor

[@mountgabe]

Since Anthony Hopkins plays Hannibal from the movie, I’d also love to see some charisma analysis from Charlie of him as an actor

[@devinachoudhary8821]

Yess

[@bien.mp4]

No because he's fictional.

[@shaunnarochelle]

my best friend has this effect on people. it makes you feel very important but as the years have gone by, I've noticed it can be self serving for her too. she sometimes cares more about the other thinking she's caring and kind than she actually cares about you. I see the way she is especially when she Mets someone new. it's all about the charm and people pleasing. when i got chronically sick I saw this, when she saw me in person she would say all the right things and listen but then go away and leave me in the dark for ages, never offering actual help or checking in. ask yourself WHY you want to connect with everyone so immediately and intently.

[@sssrr12344]

I simply want to connect to others so I’ll be able to help everyone.

[@Calida]

THIS is what I've been missing. Thank you so much CC, I understand now, and hope to be able to embark on more meaningful relationships in the close relationships I already have now! ♡

[@Charismaoncommand]

~ Best of luck. :-)

[@MissLeonable]

I am like this with people and some folks feel suprr uncomfortable about it. I guess not everybody is ready to connect.

[@aliciakangennow3852]

Yes I agree with you that opera is able to connect with everyone. HOwever, don't forget opera has the stage of the show. you build the environment for people to open up and the show is about open up to the questions on tv. if someone doesn't open up it wouldn't look real and true on television.

[@Bexks]

I can get ANYONE to open up to me. Funnily enough I call it a gift. I think it’s cause I’m a very kind, warm and open person (this is what I’ve learned over the years) (I’m 55). I also love people in general. I’ve never made a penny out of it though 🤷🏻‍♀️ Oh well.

[@yourthighswouldlookbetterw4651]

Extroverts should always post something on social media

[@bonnievids]

Me: damn this video was so good.... Charlie: And that’s why I’m excited to sponsor...BETTERHELP. everyone: ohhhh noooooooo....whyyy Charlie...WHYYYYYYYYYY

[@jellyacc]

at least he put it at the very end

[@BoyMama87]

YES!!! I'm a marriage and family therapist and Oprah is amazing and does what many of us strive to do!! I think I also have this gift. I learned early on as a student how much people just want to feel understood. They just want someone to listen and validate them. So when I felt like, "how can I help them I'm just a student!!!' and their story of trauma seemed overwhelming, I just reminded myself of the quote (someone else shared it in the comments) "People won't remember what you say, but they will remember how you MADE THEM FEEL." so I knew it was more important for me to focus on making sure they felt heard and understood instead of what treatment/theory/psychoeducation I used. She's such a great example of "actions speak louder than words." GAHHHHHH I'm almost 35, so my mom (who's also black) watched Oprah ALL THE TIME growing up. I did sometimes but not much. My mom physically resembles Oprah... I wish her communication style did as well.

[@icanrelate]

Love your videos so much! My favorites right now are about GOT. I was looking for 1 on Oprah. She's super charismatic. I wonder how she can be an introvert yet soooo outgoing. She appears extremely comfortable touching people and being on stage. Baffling!

[@LifeinGlow]

Oprah is a born therapist and possibly a bit of psychic as well, who chose other professions, a truly unique journalist & TV host

[@alexbello777]

This may sound weird, but I remember someone most when they have a unique name

[@Nepthu]

Great comment on the platonic touching. Guys who are buddies will put their arms on each others shoulders, slap backs, shake hands, etc. Women friends often hug or even kiss on the cheek. These gestures are only shared among people that are close.

[@urmompeppapig]

Nepthu ive also witnessed de clapping of de cheeks amongst guys.

[@Thepotatomind]

From my personal experience, Charlie, I would recommend to NOT go with this approach as our default approach when we’re looking to build long-term relationships that tend to have lower sense of boundaries, like friendships, romantic relationships and with relatives, as they may put us on a pedestal and expect the same level of understanding ALL THE TIME, without considering that we’d like it to be reciprocated sometimes. People may often not reciprocate as they'd believe we are an EXCEPTION, and they, simply, are not capable of giving that much. They might not dig deep to believe that it takes efforts for us to give. This can create a huge imbalance, where we're expected to act as their therapist, mentor, parent, apart from the relationship we already share with them. I've had people who'd come to me at any incidence of emotional imbalance, to talk about their childhood trauma, bothersome office politics, relationship woes, detached parents, mean siblings, self-centred friends. All of this is okay until we're bombarded with their woes so much without receiving any respect of our time and preference, that can leave us feel CONSUMED. I've been burned by this many times. It's only recently I realised that this only works better in two ways. One, when we aren't expected to share an intimacy with a person; we can easily chuck away the small talk, get to know each other and build a deeper connection. Two, when we build strong boundaries from the start (or at least NOW), so we don't become the 'go to person' for every ordeal, and we aren't being demanded to keep up with this approach often, just because we're more of a giver.

[@surija3935]

I relate so much with what you're writing. My struggle is right now that I am feeling egoistic or narcistic when I don't give on the same level as before. But I learned when I connect so deeply with a person and the pure their heart out but it's one sided and I can't do the same, the relationship won't last, or at least at some point I loose the will to give the same again again. So the relationship is not equally shared and the other person is kind of fooled by the level of connection they think you share, but they opened up so much and you gave room for that, and in the end you don't do that same and can't go on the same level of intimacy or connection. It's so complex and I didn't understand that fully but I will hopefully. I want to have balanced formes of connection and not just me being like Oprah and not getting the credit that it may deserve... Haha don't know if it makes sense to anyone

[@KT_571]

Dang, Oprah, she has the power to make me cry while watching this video and without her even talking to me, directly! 😭 I'm also very touchy whenever I speak to someone I know, because I want them to feel and know that I'm very caring, attentive, and compassionate toward them. I usually place my hand on their shoulder or arm. I want to express my feelings through physical touch. I feel that I shouldn't invade someone's space and try not touch them, but when I catch myself doing it, I can't seem to help myself from physically expressing my emotions on them. 😆🤷‍♀️

[@veevee5187]

One important thing that wasn't touched on is that you have to be genuine. If you aren't authentic and all in it's not going to have the same powerful impact.