ASMR | Relaxing (Theoretical) Neighborhood Gossip 5-23-2020

There's something funny about all this, but I can't tell you what it is.
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[@arynajera2001]

Title: “Theoretical” Me: *stops everything and clicks the notif*

[@rasaan2011]

Totally me too!!😁

[@abbierose92]

Same!!

[@PussnBoot2516]

And me! I love these theoretical hypothetical videos Mary does

[@davidculp5565]

"Between three and five hundred kids" lol

[@angelslove5434]

😂

[@AWhisperSensual]

I got a giggle from that one too!

[@sweettexast2894]

I literally laughed out loud and almost choked on my coffee… She has some of the funniest one liners. I swear this woman should go on tour and be a comedian. Or have some kind of sitcom or something, she is a riot!

[@gracefisher663]

Texas Trinity id go to her live show. Also, I hope you’re okay after choking on your coffee, it’s no fun to choke on hot coffee.

[@hoteltrivago.8111]

World needs a whisper giggle

[@yaya-mk3nn]

i am HOLLERING. i wish i had eccentric neighbors to gossip about, but i’ll settle for living vicariously through your videos.

[@ACGNikki]

Who knocks somebody's door at 10 o'clock at night and asks to put a balloon on your mailbox?? That is so weird lol.. Not supposed to be having parties right now anyway lol

[@myimperfectlife2023]

Robbers and serial killers😵😱👿

[@jessitschu1015]

And not even knocks once and then decides to try the next day but knocking repeatedly??

[@juliatarallo5002]

the salsa story literally has me in tears

[@sisvlogsdaily]

You should make merch with a picture of a highway and the word “salsa” on it

[@blunderwhere]

You theoretically reduce my hypothetical anxiety and allegedly amuse me as I lie here wishing for theoretical sleep.

[@IAMALISONROSE]

Iconic Comment

[@HaIcyonic]

I love the little parts where you quick throw a "theoretically" on the end of a sentence. This series is too good.

[@karenacollins9209]

I just wanted to tell you that your videos have helped me so much durning this time. I’m 19 and enlisting in the military. My anxiety is fine during the day but kinda skyrockets when I’m alone. I play your videos before bed so I’m not completely alone. Thank you 💜

[@michaela2129]

my favorite part was when she roasted the woodpeckers abilities to find a mate 😂😂 i was laughing way too hard

[@idratherbshoppin1950]

I'm 100% just like you in regards to answering my door. If you weren't Invited or don't call me while your at my door ,I'm not opening it..period lol

[@tr3839]

My mom was the same as yours, thinking anything that looked remotely shady was a front for drugs haha. Drugs or the mafia.

[@whatever_r_r]

? Isaid i run a church charity program what r yall talkin' about im a nun ?!

[@mattgoode366]

🎵 “Life is a highway, I wanna ride it Saaalssaaa” 🎶

[@briahamlet8231]

The ‘Salsa’ story made my night 🤣😭

[@loquitakat]

Its been a while since ive left a comment but i have to let you know your hypothetical neighborhood gossip has easily become my favorite of your videos. I first played this one before bed and was knocked out in less than five minutes as usual from your wonderful soothing voice. But i played it again the next morning to listen to all of it and it is absolutely hysterical. You present it like a professional comedy routine. You are so talented! Thank you for sharing these absolutely wild neighborhood stories with your unique commentaries and labels...itchy, scratchy, Buffalo Bill, Dudes with Trucks, etc. And the whole balloon, door knocking incident....no one could make something like that up if they tried. And while you were telling it i was truly scared for you. So glad it was part of the whole ridiculousness of your neighborhood and not something worse. And needless to say but i will THANK YOU FOR SHARING!!! ROFL!

[@KCAdams-kr7ow]

Salsa is a jean company... and they sell graphic tees... maybe she recognized the brand? Does it have a tag?

[@jenwithonen7047]

There's also Salsa Cycles, they also have graphic tees. I hope Mary answers your question about the tag. I like that shirt, from what I can see, it looks pretty cool.

[@AnnafromHungarylvNW]

I think she just had a stain on it

[@euphoriabanx]

“They have anywhere between 3-500 kids” 😂

[@jerzeegrl1693]

The neighborhood is probably not zoned to run a business, the cops can come and shut it down

[@up4rent]

Mary, my daughter and I have been watching/listening you since I was was pregnant with her in 2016. I watched your videos every night when I was pregnant with her & she is so soothed hearing your voice now. We talk about you & her favorite videos of yours frequently! Her name is Olive & she is so happy to have heard you say her name when referring to the Kitten 🤍 we love you so!

[@carlyfrakes8031]

"Low rumble down in the hole" That actually gave me chills. Reminds me of The Tommyknockers by Stephen King

[@ashlm6758]

Maybe they called the cops on you because one of the birds attacked them. Salsa

[@AWhisperSensual]

Tell the truth: did you edit this, just to add Salsa? 🤣😎😘

[@celluloidkelly612]

Guac

[@PrincessSamantha029]

Oh thank god! Theoretically, I’ve been having neighborhood gossip withdrawals!

[@a.a.s1429]

I just want to take the time to thank you for your videos, I've been trying to do my Uni dissertation work online and listening to music is giving me headaches , like my ears literally feel like their bleeding!!! But, listening to your videos has helped me stay focused and work, so once again thank you for your presence , I and I'm sure everyone are grateful for your KZbin channel. Stay safe xx

[@tiegandunleavy2906]

I guess an extra 40 minutes Of not sleeping will be fine

[@ACGNikki]

I like to watch most youtube vids at 2x speed to help with that 😁

[@JordanSmith-bn3zp]

....how did you know I was thinking the same thing 👀

[@thibautpalma3512]

"because people love to say salsa" -Seinfeld

[@_thathoodwitch]

I lost it at “they have about 3-500 kids” lmfao

[@guillaumenadeau]

ok but these are my fav videos on your channel ThEoRetiCAlLy lmao

[@laurkorbs3124]

24:42 u won’t be disappointed 😂

[@georgiawebster4244]

laurkorbs HHAHAHAHA

[@jordanu467]

I always laugh at these videos, and I’m a tough crowd! You have the most random events happen in your life! 😂 And honestly, I would’ve been so freaked out by the relentless knocking I would’ve been tempted to call 911 instead of the non emergency number!

[@KCAdams-kr7ow]

“Oohhh... I didn’t think of that!” LOL. For some reason that caught me off guard. Laughed til my stomach hurt.

[@hannahhester8376]

Lol, the kitten sliding on the wet floor reminds me of when me and my brother would slide down the hallway in our socks.

[@AnasCorner]

Yeah, I don't like anyone touching my stuff either, don't blame you. What the hell? Go put balloons on your own friggin house.

[@JuliaN-fi9zw]

Hey Mary that balloon could’ve been something to mark you for human trafficking or a robbery! It’s weird that they would ask but you never know with that kind of stuff Edit: Nevermind I just finished that part of the video

[@SouthernASMRSounds]

Yeah, nah. My mom says everything is indicative of human trafficking, too. Strange car goes down the street? Human trafficking. Somebody walks behind her in the grocery store? Human trafficking. Wrong number? Human trafficking. It'd be funny if she wasn't being serious saying it.

[@christmasina]

Sounds like my house full of kids. 🤣 mine do all the screaming in the back yard. I don’t know how to get them to tone it down. My older kids were never this loud!

[@vm88940]

How many kids do you have? 😱😱😱😱

[@christmasina]

Only 9

[@ElevatorMan60]

Thank you so much for uploading this! These are my favorite kind of videos!

[@HeyNowMandy]

It's so funny that your mom thinks everything is a front for drugs and then you see your neighbors have colorful lights and it's "they're smoking drugs" hahahaha

[@SouthernASMRSounds]

I was just being funny. Sorry about that. I'll stop.

[@HeyNowMandy]

SouthernASMR Sounds that’s what I was saying! It was funny.

[@rasaan2011]

Uh oh, hypothetically Buffalo Bills "girlfriend" might not have put the lotion on!!🤔🙃😮

[@back.that.Ash.up85]

Or maybe she got the hose again

[@introvertedfox6826]

oh I do love these videos 😄 Story of Olive trying to snuggle Punkin' reminds me of when we got a puppy as a second dog. Puppy named Bailey wanted to snuggle with our other dog, Winston. Winston was laying at one end of the couch. Bailey tried to snuggle with Winston who growled at him so Bailey moved a few inches away. Winston growled again so Bailey moved a little further away...this went on about 3 more times until Bailey was on the complete oppose end of the couch. Winston STILL growled at him

[@introvertedfox6826]

@@lindsayarmstrong7130 Unfortunately Winston passed away a few years ago but he and Bailey did learn to get along, though I don't know if I'd call them best friends. 😂 Bailey is still around, but getting up there in age. A few years ago we got a puppy and Bailey acted pretty much how Winston did to him, I think it's the older dog establishing that they are in charge

[@zeecold9200]

“Maybe she’s still there, if you know what I mean” LOL 😂😂😂😂

[@lindsaybondie8531]

Gees Mary - quite an interesting week you're having! My neighborhood's a freakshow also. I've got the wannabe Fast & Furious crew next door so I totally relate to the Mr. Wingwingbike nuisance. Watching the scene in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood where DiCaprio looses it over the hippie's noisy car is what stops me from loosing it on them - always has me laughing out loud. ✌💓

[@themoviereviewhunk]

What in the X-Files type of oddity is happening with those dudes in hats and those holes now. That must be quite unnerving ( allegedly )

[@DanielleDayzz]

I can’t stop laughing at “salsa” BHAHAHAHAH

[@kkizzer13]

Why am I invested so much in a North Carolinian suburb...oh well, I like it!

[@OcarinaLink24]

My friend and I used to eavesdrop on conversations at football games until we heard a name. Then we’d walk up and be like “Jeffrey!! How have you been?”

[@cathylee5840]

You look very pretty Mary love the gossip you're the best 🌹💝😴

[@mothermoon3936]

Girl, I wouldn't have opened that door either...why in the world would you wait till 10pm to go door to door like that?? Also why do you need balloons on everyone's mailbox??

[@defaultuser1447]

That bird had no respect for the uniform!

[@jmorris4972]

Yeah that's too weird, like who knocks at 10pm...what the hell? Yeah Mary the only thing I can think is she was reminding herself to get salsa..hahaha the weirdest stuff happens to you lol.

[@thaliadockery9931]

Love your neighborhood gossip stories!

[@flrlspctrs]

I need a t-shirt that says ‘Theoretically’

[@introvertedfox6826]

OK, now I really want to know about the shirt/salsa connection-if there even is one. Is there a label on the shirt that gives any hint as to the maker?

[@ACGNikki]

The first thing I thought of was maybe it was an album cover and that was the name of the album or band... but (a) that salsa lady would be too old to do a reference like that (b) nothing about that picture says salsa to me 🤣 so idk 🤷‍♀️

[@theskellyboi]

Mary (theoretically) lives in such an odd neighborhood 🤔

[@princeofb7383]

That woodpecker was absolutely read for filth.

[@ArtsiAriesASMR]

This reminds me of the Night Vale Podcast!! Please make more of these 😍 so strange and beautiful 😂

[@hoteltrivago.8111]

Mary you have a lot of theoretical noise in your neighborhood 😂 the 300-500 kids, the vroom vroom guy, the unsuccessful wood pecker, before hand it was the rooster 😂 how do you cope!

[@samanthalouise7819]

I used to think this gossip was definitely real I thought there was no way you could make this stuff up but now that I've seen your roleplay videos i think you could lol

[@yadiracanocamacho6979]

Awww Olive!! That's the perfect name!!

[@mrslisafielding]

When Mary said it's like she gets woken up by a machine gun made me literally laugh out loud 😂

[@lh9347]

Maybe they’re deceased... I don’t know..🤣😂🤣

[@ACGNikki]

Rofl @ "Salsaaa" 🤣

[@jamieczarnecki7718]

I literally have the same crazy stuff happen and I mind my own business lol! I LOVE listening to your hypothetical stories! You make me laugh so hard!!!

[@SuperDeefadog]

Mary, when I tell you this video is a rollercoaster, I couldn’t mean it more! You had me scared sleepless during that story about the balloons (but I loved it, very strange) and then you’d say something very serious (buffalos Bill) and then say “hypothetically” and have me laying there giggling 😂I cannot express how much I love your videos! Please keep up your great work and keep safe! 💜💜

[@defaultuser1447]

Could be worse. When you went by, the Dudes in Trucks could have said, "How ya doing, Mary?"

[@CBPz]

I know it sounds stupid but whenever there are bird chirping loud out my window in the AM, I bark at them like a big dog 😂 , it works and they fly away 😂

[@jmtravelandlifestylevlog920]

🤣🤣

[@Monsicorn]

Keep a close eye on that Buffalo Bill guy. From a safe distance of course. He seems (allegedly) quite shady. Stay safe Mary! ❤

[@joomoopa]

Real or not, I always hope that we would finally found out what’s happening with dudes in trunks.. I am not sure if someone ever suggested, maybe they are digging for petroleum or building an underground bunker 🤷‍♀️

[@thegenesismishpacha4909]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 the balloon story was wild

[@rasaan2011]

Had to theoretically run to listen to the gossip before I caught up with Lynette!!

[@abbierose92]

If someone came banging repeatedly at my door at 10 pm I would be scared shitless

[@rachelb399]

😬😬😬 I have 3 little boys who are outside ALL of the time... gosh we probably annoy my neighbors!

[@backroomslevel974]

I feel your pain with the bikes my direct nextdoor neighbor may or may not have a dog that barks constantly, and they may or may not let him out at 6am to bark directly next to my bedroom. Look forward to all your theoretical neighborhood gossip in the future💕.

[@50hellkat2]

He has turned his garage into a biker hangout.

[@HerAsmr_]

The tea was hot , love this video 🤣❤️

[@smart_friendalways4226]

Of course it’s “theoretical” lol

[@stevenspam7219]

Mary, I love these videos!!! Keep up the good work. You put a smile on face and make my day feel so much happier.

[@jjs71072]

HAHA... a vroom vroom bike infected a Harley

[@kaciejames]

the dudes and trucks are starting to get a wee bit spooky

[@Asher1964]

Mary can be hilarious...especially how she describes, so vividly, her theoretical neighborhood gossip videos.

[@penelopep.maggie5976]

Omg the dudes in trucks are going to start thinking you’re stalking them lol

[@Liz-pc6je]

“They have a light that fades from pink to red to green” *ooh mood lighting* “i think they’re smoking drugs” *or that*

[@Paelmoon]

What if, and go with me on this, the hole really WAS never there? *Xfiles music starts playing* (Or the hole people got to her!) :-P

[@ArtByIHG]

anywhere between 3 and 500 kids lol 😂

[@julsunnyscorpio333]

Always have to watch these twice because I fall asleep half way but wanna know the gossip haha

[@AnnafromHungarylvNW]

Omg this character is like my ex's mum! She was watching the neighbours all day and came up with all these crazy yet super entertaining theories, told them everyone as facts and acted all innocent and cute the whole time!

[@_itzlex6105]

Thank u for this video I'm so excited to watch

[@jessejones7701]

I enjoy hearing bad neighbor stories , I even read them on bad neighbor story sites. I really enjoy your “ Theoretical Neighbor “ stories and I enjoy a few laughs before Bed🤣🤣🤣👍🧑🏻‍🌾

[@elielliso]

if we join your patreon or know the secret code or something, can we be let in on what is funny about these videos? It is really a riddle to me! Regardless, thank you for being a steady source of humor and relaxation. Take care of yourself around the dudes in trucks...

[@soulfoodsmama2980]

The first idea I thought of when you told the shirt story was that maybe the image is of a salsa music album cover?

[@lakeys3056]

U could get kitten it’s own fur toy to snuggle up with when sleeping.

[@FifthAssassin]

Seriously,,you're like a step away from very legit stand up. 😽😽😽😽great work, as always!

[@audreybrandl3187]

I think the lady at Walmart might have been referencing an Alan Jackson song? "You might have seen me in Tulsa I just dropped a load of salsa". He's supposed to a truck driver in the song.

[@natys99.]

Great video

[@kenziegrace7698]

Perfect timing Mary😴

[@SofiaBenitez-hm3qu]

I love how she talks about her cats, I have one as well and it's nice to see how I look talking about my cat hahaha. Great video! Ly ♡

[@HoffmanHappenings]

Unbelievable!! I can’t believe your neighbors did that!! 🤦🏼‍♀️ There’s a nicer way to ask than to bang on someone’s door at 10 pm at night. I love these videos. I love to hear about crazy neighbors. I thought it was just me lol! I’ve learned more about my neighbors during this quarantine since everyone is home now. I’m surrounded by smokers. All three houses around me smoke and it is so frustrating. I hate neighbors.

[@SouthernASMRSounds]

I'm very glad that, as far as I know, none of my neighbors smoke. It's not that I don't like the smell, though. As a former smoker, it makes me want to go buy a pack, so I'm glad nobody smokes around here to tempt me!

[@HoffmanHappenings]

SouthernASMR Sounds congrats to you for quitting! 👍

[@VictoriaAntonetti]

My mom is the same, she thinks everything is a front for something 🤣

[@pollychase6099]

OMG NEVER open the door at night! Not even hypothetically! Salsa -- LOL!

[@SouthernASMRSounds]

Um. I DIDN'T. Hell, I don't even open it during the DAY unless I know someone's stopping by.

[@larrytallant8144]

Strobe light and no sound = The Marcel Marceu Disco. Oh.....one more thing (LOL), suggestion for the kittens name.....Moonpie.

[@TheShhSecret]

Maybe the salsa lady was playing you at your own game >D

[@lisaberg1853]

Oh my sweet southern Lord.....I hope most of this was hypothetical and your hood isn't THAT crazy!