Autism and being misinterpreted in conversations/RSD

[@stephenie44]

The constant misunderstandings are so exhausting

[@HollywoodHRA]

@@stephenie44 I feel you! It’s hard for sure 😩

[@Sakichii]

From what I’ve heard, rejection sensitive dysphoria is a trauma response, which can stem from frequent misunderstandings that occur due to autism. It sounds like it is a common experience for many neurodivergent people who disproportionately experience/develop trauma from social experiences.

[@MichaelDavis-zu2ko]

I've noticed that unexpected human interactions trigger strong emotional reactions in me. I won't show it, but even small, positive exchanges, like swapping a shopping cart with a stranger for a quarter, can send my mood and thoughts spiraling for many hours or even days. If I find myself in a conversation that seems pleasant to the other person, I often feel overwhelmed afterward, as if I'm in panic mode. That's true even if I also felt like it went well. It's almost as if the better the interaction was, the more passionate I felt about it, the more I felt like I was actually making a connection with someone, the worse I feel immediately afterward. It's like my brain isn't used to being happy and passionate, and making personal connections, so it's overstimulating when it happens. Then, when its over, my brain doesn't know what to do with itself, so it defaults to anxiety and panic. I usually feel like I just can't deal with it, so I end up drinking and isolating.

[@cogs7777]

at the beginning of the interaction, we're so used to protecting our feelings that there is anxiety to watch if something goes wrong. i'm slowly learning to let myself be hurt, or slighted. i try to be humble and let the other person have the ability to hurt me. i try to let any hurt pass through me, even if it takes time. also, i focus on anything positive happening. if the interaction goes well then i can share kindness with a stranger. i have faith that i will recover my heart soon.

[@cogs7777]

i will say, i haven't learned to keep looking people in the eye, lol.

[@pnkhazrd]

I've been thinking about possibly getting assessed for autism this past year. A lot of the things I've heard about it I resonate with, but this might be the biggest one. Even dealing with ADHD, getting misunderstood is something that has affected me my entire life. I always end up overexplaining myself to prevent this and even then the words never seem to come out right 😣 thank you for this video, it was comforting to know we're not alone

[@HollywoodHRA]

@@pnkhazrd I’m so glad it helped! For me personally having the diagnosis was very reassuring 🥰

[@PhilBurns-oc2vg]

Do it as soon as possible because it takes ages to get a referral

[@PoptartParasol]

I also think i have autism and I've already been diagnosed with adhd as a kid. It seems those two go hand in hand with women

[@gmlpc7132]

I tend to obsess a lot over what words I will say to someone as I'm worried I might unintentionally say the wrong thing but overlook the fact that it's the tone that usually matters more. Much of the time people aren't listening much at all to the words but to things like tone of voice, emotion and body language and this is where I really struggle. Maybe it's like being an actor where we can learn the script but still get the performance wrong (in other people's view anyway).

[@sierramares05]

being misunderstood then having to clarify the intention of what you said, all while being sensitive to how you made the other person feel is an odd experience. i only became aware of this happening in conversations recently! I'm so glad to have found this video. this makes me feel understood and less alone, hahah.

[@HollywoodHRA]

@@sierramares05 I’m so glad!! 🥰

[@PoptartParasol]

I've never heard it described like that, but it's spot on to what happens to me. No wonder i get too anxious to talk to people as a result, i feel so terrible when what i say is taken badlt

[@GLORYSURFER]

You are wonderful, thank you for sharing and being brave to do so.

[@HollywoodHRA]

@@GLORYSURFER thank you so much! I will not stop talking about it until people listen and understand! 💛🥰

[@___vlc___5730]

Omg I really feel you! I work as a sale person in a vintage shop. But since I did a lot of therapy, I can handle rejection, and also being a service worker, you learn fast that people are just mean ! But luckily fashion is my special interest 🥰 But I still miss understand people, and it's mostly just minor things. But when People try to do jokes, they fly over my head and Im like, what is happing? :O 😅

[@PhilBurns-oc2vg]

I know all about this.I was diagnosed late in life and what i have said as a joke has often been misunderstood as being rude

[@daintydalmatian]

You have beautiful natural hair! ❤

[@Goldun-nah]

I just take everyone at the words. Words should be people’s bond. Unless they verbally communicate to me something directly, I don’t assume their thoughts or emotions. I tell neurotypical people it’s on them to use their words, I’m not going to read passive body language. Also I don’t assume malice if I’m not sure what they mean, I just ask for clarification but I make clear that I havnt taken them one way or the other I just need clarification. I’m not autistic but I am neurodivergent. A lot of neurotypical people find me exhaustive in my communication skills bc I’m very technical and concise as to avoid misunderstanding. Also grew up with a lot of gaslighting so I’m hyper-vigilant in removing any opportunity to be genuinely or disingenuously misconstrued.

[@BiggieChungulus]

Well, awareness precedes control, or something. I've opted out of any personal attachments to the fake and dumb games people play personally.

[@OlivierOlivemann]

I like really too to see you 🥰😍😘❤️

[@fishinabox]

Hi I the things you said at the beginning I don’t think I would see them as rude. Myself, I was in a meet up with Autistics and they said I took what one of the Autistics said literally when it was meant as a joke. I just let my head drop and said oh!! We had a laugh. The Autistics telling me I was being Autistic. I know only too well about rejection sensitivity. I have tried to change it but it is still there. Can ease it by looking at good aspects of myself. For example I am interested in philosophy. I tell myself if I can philosophise then I must have the capacity to consider what is good so even to consider what is good means I must have some good. I do try to help others and be kind also. If you can reflect on stuff which you on all what you talk about then you want to consider stuff and reconsider. Therefore Holly is good. You are good anyway I would say from watching your videos. Also your spiritual side means you are committed to the journey to be good so there must be good I you. Trying to think of stuff you might want to talk about. Mmmmm! Autistics are dedicated to being truthful being honest and seeking the truth. Is that a stereotype or true. Can be added to self esteem if one does that as it means ethics are within so capacity for good is within. That is to seek the truth is good so there is good within. Spiky Skills profile is something I am curious about.

[@HollywoodHRA]

@@fishinabox thank you so much I needed to hear this!! 🥲 It’s a lot easier being around other autistic people who get it! Ps thanks for the video suggestions! 🥰

[@duncanhewitt6557]

I don't think a lot of the public know anything about autism.

[@Hispanocel]

I'm having issues with a autistic friend of mine he doesn't seem to understand many of the societal norms and when I explain to em he doesn't get it, anybody have tips for that sort of things?

[@HollywoodHRA]

@@Hispanocel hey thanks so much for this comment. What I would say first and foremost is educate yourself on what autism is like for a person and try to better understand why he may struggle to interpret these things. It’s also helpful then to work out how you can be clearer about what he should be doing (and convey that in a calm and caring manner) so that he can try to be better at it. But also bear in mind that sometimes autistic people no matter how hard they try just won’t be able to do certain things. It’s about finding compromise (like for example would be be able to have a conversation if you met in a quiet cafe compared to a pub? Or would he not get so overwhelmed if he wasn’t made to feel embarrassed for having a fidget toy with him?), and also showing that you’re there to support him in these things, but most importantly show that you’re not trying to change him. I hope this helps! 🥰

[@Hispanocel]

@@HollywoodHRA ok thank you very much I will try this

[@magicalsp3lls]

first question whether or not the social norms are nessecary like does it make him awkward or flat out mean? that’s smth i’d pick my battles with and only call out stuff that could actually hurt people

[@magicalsp3lls]

otherwise let him be himself w you masking is tiring for a lot of us

[@Hispanocel]

@@magicalsp3lls not akwqrd or flat out mean it makes people mock him

[@LateDiagnosedAutism]

I can completely relate how you feel it's frustrating.

[@LateDiagnosedAutism]

Hi, Holly when it comes to texting by mobile to someone my words come off as misconstrued, and it frustrates me a lot. I rather tell someone in person or by mobile.

[@HollywoodHRA]

@@LateDiagnosedAutism either way I am doomed ahaha

[@LateDiagnosedAutism]

@@HollywoodHRA hugs🤗