Autism Childhood Memories & Signs

So for my last video of World Autism Awareness Week, I wanted to share some memories and quirks from my childhood that either were strange or could've prompted us to look into things further had we known more about autism.
#WorldAutismAwarenessWeek #WAAW19 #autism
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[@Keyannakrazewolfie]

i still get really mad/upset when stuff in my room is touched or moved. and i ALWAYS notice it

[@Anton2004]

I go ballistic if people other than my brother or mother touch ANYTHING of mine... I'm super territorial and protective of my possessions.

[@chocolatemilk9889]

Same

[@BarbaraMerryGeng]

Why should anybody randomly touch things that don’t belong to them ? It’s inappropriate & rude. I don’t touch things that don’t belong to me.

[@ladybookworms]

I thought I was the only one that had this annoyance with people. I have to control myself to not smack people when they touch my stuff, like friends come home, so as not to seem weird. And I always make a mental note of what all they touched and sanitize it after they leave. I also have to change my bedsheets even if anyone sits on them, unless they're staying over and have bathed and changed into pyjamas. When I was sharing my room in university etc., my roommates friends would come to visit her and sit on my bed without permission and when I wasn't in. I once walked in on them sitting on my bed and had to apply massive self control to not go ballistic. Since then I always leave stuff on my bed so I know if anyone's been sitting etc on my bed when I'm out. Still hate it.

[@jg1681]

Me too :o I'm always the first person to notice a change in the room

[@troymann5115]

My mom tells me when I was born I lifted my head up and looked around. Tying my shoes was really difficult too. However it was kindergarten when I realized I was different. The other kids could not read yet and they kept talking about trivial stuff to the teacher. I wondered how long it would take the teacher to fix the other kids. lol

[@alexrose20]

i didn't learn to tie my shoes until one day in 4th grade when it clicked lol

[@xXanPakku420x]

Hahahaha fix the other kids, that's so cute 😂

[@Vanbin0]

My mom told me I lifted my head after birth too.. crazy coincidence. I had so many knots in my shoes as a kid I started learning how to unknot with a pencil and the teacher would have me unknot other kids shoes.. kinda similar stories just thought I’d share. Thank you for sharing ❤

[@Keyannakrazewolfie]

i never liked eye contact, i forced myself to do it basically my whole life - i thought it was hard for everyone but just something we were supposed to do for some reason. I've stopped forcing recently and it feels weird/rude sometimes but it makes interactions so much easier and more comfortable for me

[@Abcedfg841]

ننووتتررررزرززارزززز. بيييييييsazz AT 3;;,,, xxxxszzxzzzzzzzjjzkuJUjJujJoaaaaaaaطظظظzZzsssssssssa this massage from autistic boy he is 3 years old

[@kendalliv8566]

Exactly me

[@mikat5927]

I can look people in the eyes without looking into their eyes. I just don`t see their face then - it`s completely blurred.

[@143specialmom]

how about speech delay in ur childhood,did you experience it?bec my son has an autism,pls notice me.♥️♥️♥️

[@p.m.5141]

I'm still wondering what a "normal" childhood would look like ....

[@PIB2000]

Normal is boring, if you ask me.

[@p.m.5141]

@@PIB2000 Not only boring, also weird. I certainly wasn't fond of the activities other teenagers liked like going to discos, dancing, team-sports, etc.

[@PIB2000]

@@p.m.5141 Funny how certain social norms are weird when you think about it. Like, why do people ask "How was your day" and get offended when you just tell them you had a bad day? Did you not want an honest answer?

[@p.m.5141]

@@PIB2000 It's just smalltalk and yes, they usually not even expect to get any answer (certainly not the truth!). It is weird, but that is the way they think and act. I usually tell them that they shouldn't ask if they don't want to hear the answer.

[@micheals1992]

You tend to feel worse as you get old because you get left behind with social development compared to the people around you.

[@rplmhzrk17]

Oooooooooooooooo

[@jg1681]

sadly true

[@muppetjedisparklefeet2982]

I was diagnosed last year and when I told my mom she said “that makes sense. you didn’t talk until you were 2 and you didn’t play with other kids for the first few YEARS of preschool and elementary school.” We went through a bunch of the other signs and she said there wasn’t anyone to evaluate me where I grew up (very rural) and she didn’t want me to have a label. To this day I wait until the last minute to pee! I can’t tell when I have to go until it’s dire, it’s an issue with interpreting the signals from my insides. Also causes problems understanding my emotions and when I’m hungry or thirsty. I kind of feel everything as levels of anxious and it’s taken a long time to understand what kind of anxious means my bladders full and what kind of anxious is tired or sad or hungry.

[@StephanieBethany]

Oh wow! As a general interest, do you wish your mom would have found someone to evaluate you despite a label, or are you fine with a later diagnosis? And I can definitely relate on the waiting to pee and interpreting body signals XD

[@muppetjedisparklefeet2982]

Stephanie Bethany There weren’t any services anyway so I’m not sure. I probably could have used the label in college when I moved somewhere where I could have accessed some therapy and known why I was the way I was. As a younger kid I think it probably would have been worse having a label and not having help but it’s hard to say. The internet wasn’t even around (yeah I remember when the internet became a thing) so I couldn’t have even searched for my own information until late high school anyway.

[@jamesestrella5911]

You're not alone... I tend to be like that as well.

[@BarbaraMerryGeng]

I am learning how to RESPOND WITH KINDNESS - to my feelings of being hungry, thirsty, tired, bored, etc. I address the things that come up for me - as soon as possible .. I’m living a better life nowadays - bc I watch out for myself.

[@aikou2886]

Ah. Yes, I think I have that exact problem with hydration and never have actually paid attention to when I pee or something.

[@n00dlspaz]

Holy crap Stephanie I also loved to swing. For hours. In the heat with long sleeves. I don't remember feeling hot or anything but my parents tell me now that they were concerned for awhile. I also had the ONE friend I stuck to. It still happens today but it's more like I have one friend from a group of mutual "friends". Groups are hard. It's really nice to be able to relate to someone, especially with childhood years.

[@StephanieBethany]

So interesting you can relate so much!

[@rplmhzrk17]

Even I loved a swing and I was terrified of the slide. I was scared of going up, I was scared of sliding down and I remember crying there getting stuck. But I loved the swing

[@jelatinosa]

My mom says that I was different, even as an infant. I didn't like to be held, I was quiet, I didn't eat well so I would wake up several times a night because I was hungry, but I was mostly "a very easy baby", at least during the day. I liked to suck un my mom's hair at night, hated clothes and shoes, hated the texture of some foods, sensory issues. Everyone thought I was highly intelligent, I hated the feeling of diapers and learned to use the toilet earlier than my cousins, sibling and other babies of family and friends. I always was very shy and quiet, I didn't like to talk or be looked at by strangers and would hide behind my mom. I obsessed with learning everything about something. I particularly remember learning everything about lots of dog breeds and their characteristics and care. I loved animals. I was really good at and loved solo play things like puzzles and drawing and painting, reading. I didn't make friends well, and if I did, it was one very close one at a time. I hid in cubbies, I liked being alone and didn't like being touched or cuddled too much. I was always in "lala land" as my family and teachers would say. I daydreamed a lot. I was an excellent student, as I was quiet, calm, and always got As, despite the fact that teachers often thought I wasn't paying attention in class, daydreaming and doodling, and I didn't write down classwork or homework assignments. I got really attached to toys and certain things, took really good care of them and liked to arrange them and play "pretend". I would pretend I was a dog and other made-up human characters, rather than as myself. I loved stuffed animals but didn't like or play with any dolls till I was like 10 and started playing Barbies with my younger sister. I remember having one best friend from preschool till 3rd grade, and after we moved, one best friend from elementary school till middleschool. Moving was traumatizing for me, so much so that I feel like I never really ever adapted and it still affects me as an adult 20 years later. My best friend from middle school stopped hanging out with me because I was weird/different, not like a normal hormonal teen girls I guess. I guess I was kind of naive in a way even though I wasn't really. I didn't make another close friend or hardly friends at all, besides my sister, after that till I met my husband. My mom would always compare me to other girls and children/teens and as hard as I tried to please her and emulate them, I couldn't. Of course I don't think it ever crossed her mind that I could be autistic, as "smart" as I was. I feel like, and my family says, I was always very mature for my age, I prefered being around adults rather than people my age. Yet now I perpetually feel like I'm too immature or something. I've never felt like I "fit in", have a hard time with eye contact, conversation is difficult for me, especially casual/small talk kind of conversation. I don't like to talk unless I feel like I have something to say, don't understand how some people can just talk for the sake of it. I have issues with noise and smells that other people don't seem to notice or bother them. I can relate to people saying to smile, more so as an adult, and me thinking "isn't that what I'm doing!? What do you want me to do? Get facial surgery, look like some creepy bot, with a huge fake smile plastered on my face all day so I can look happy enough for you?! Do I have worse than bitchy rest face, do I look bitchy even when I feel like I'm pleasantly smiling at people? Goddamit!" I have a hard time with social stuff in general, even when I think I'm doing a good job, I can sense people seem to think I'm weird or off at times.

[@AntonFatkin]

How did you meet your husband? Was that difficult? My niece has just been diagnosed. She is 3. She communicates fairly well but doesn't play with any other kids. While her whole kindy is playing a game together she will be in the background doing her own thing. She screams when she doesn't get her way (maybe all kids do, but she does this very consistently). My sister also says she struggles with her emotions as a baby. She has been observed for the last 5 months and the professional has just told us that she has autism on a scale 1 or 2. They said it's too early to tell. I'm freaking out for my sister as the internet can be super scary with lots of bad info, but from what you have written it sounds like you live a fairly normal life.

[@jelatinosa]

@@AntonFatkin I do have a "fairly normal life". About the tantrums, I have no insight or experience. My mom says she was happy I never embarrassed her in public by throwing a tantrum. She says I was very easy and pretty obedient, I seemed to understand the value of money and never demanded anything. I only remember one time I may have been an asshole to my mom in public when she ordered me exactly the wrong food lol, but I was older. That was another thing. I had a hard time ordering my own food and needed someone else to do it for me, even when I was fully capable. When I was younger I tended to keep things inside and only started lashing out as a teen, mostly against my father who was verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, but it spilled over to other things as well. If she's good at communicating, try making sure her tantrums don't have a deeper meaning. Try figuring out if there is more to it. Maybe it's not that she is mad cause she's not getting her way, maybe she just needs to be explained better why she can't have certain things at certain times, or maybe she's frustrated because she feels misunderstood, dismissed or like nobody really listens to her. Maybe try teaching her a better way to communicate her frustration so that you could better understand her and she could better understand herself and her own feelings. Try it when she isn't midtantrum as she'll be more inclined to listen when she isn't being purposefully stubborn. I'd say, it's totally fine to let your niece do her own thing for the most part. It can be overwhelming for certain children to be around a bunch of screaming, rowdy kids. It might be easier for her to interact with smaller groups of less rambunctious children, and she'll probably interact with others when she feels like it, which she may well eventually. Don't force it too hard or it may create a bit of resentment or lower self esteem. I know for me, people's insistance that I be more like other kids made me feel "lesser than" and even more outcast. Made it even harder to relate to others as I felt I was always being compared to and comparing myself with them, wondering why and I couldn't be, and wishing I was more "normal". I really always rather solo activities, such as drawing, reading, or whatever. As long as she isn't showing ANTI-social behaviors, not being particularly social and enjoying her own company is not bad in my opinion. She'll probably develop some social skills and ways to cope with social expectation eventually. My issues were/are mostly social. When I was a child, people just thought I was very shy/introverted, but I comunicated well when I had to, and I did very well in school, and always had at least one or two good friends, so it never occurred to my family that I could be autistic. Plus it wasn't very known about then. I'm actually not shy, just some social anxiety. I met my husband in highschool. Since I had little friends or social life of my own, my mom would have me chaperone my sister on her outings with friends. She's a bit over 2 years younger than me and she was basically my closest friend. Her friends had invited their friends and so on to the bowling alley to hang out. All the "misfits" kinda clicked on the sole fact of not fitting in anywhere else. This included my now husband and myself, so we became close and the rest is history. He says that one of the first things he noticed about me and that drew him to me was actually something about me that bothers most people. I guess I have a bad habit of correcting people. Neither of us remember exactly, but he says I corrected him about something he was saying. Instead of becoming embarrassed or annoyed, he says he felt intrigued and thought I was smart and wanted to get to know me better. We were friends for 2 years before we started dating. Been together for 13 years now.

[@jelatinosa]

@@AntonFatkin but... Autism is a spectrum, so one person's experience can be radically different from others. And I realize you say she's only 3. For some reason I thought I read kindergarten, which is around 6 yrs. She's just a young toddler, she can't be too aware yet. I barely have memory of before I was 4.

[@goldensun3507]

@Kaitlyn Page same! Bc of this kind of stuff I never had much friends in life even though I am very communicative if I am familiar with conversation subject

[@SScott-uv9is]

I'm 75 and found in the last year that I am Asberger's. I have memories back to very early childhood that are clearly indicative--i just never knew of what. Now 7 decades later, I know. You are a smile in my life. and I want to thank you for the outreach you do, and your willingness to share your life and heart.

[@hightalk]

I laughed when you described your childhood photo of you "showing your teeth"! I noticed that in many of my early childhood photos I have the most demented "grin" on my face, and I never realized that may have been why!

[@chocolatemilk9889]

I remember when I was younger I would watch the same movies over and over all day and obsess over them

[@MyASDJourney]

I'm always fascinated listening to another person's recollection of their past through an autistic perspective. I've regretted that my parents are both gone and I cannot get their perspective to find more evidence of my autistic behaviors. Your video made me realize that even those in our family filtered all our behaviors through a Neurotypical filter as well. That their recollection may be even more distorted than ours. I also realized watching your video how we have also make neurotypical associations with all our past behaviors and can so easily pass them by STILL as just being "normal" for Tom or Stephannie... I've started noticing how literal I took everything then and still till today, though I'm a little better at seeing when I do this.. I still want to talk about my topic of interest with people.. and tend to talk on and on and on.... Same with writing ..... LOL even responses on KZbin can be a bit long.... Speaking of long... Ummmm...... Keep up the great videos!

[@Catlily5]

I think my parents were neurodivergent also. They don't think I was that strange. Yet I was kept in preschool for an extra half year because the teachers didn't think I was ready for kindergarten.

[@gybsinparris6426]

I myself was born completely quiet... I was so quiet as a kid that my parents had to check on me in my room to make sure I was still alive. Plus, I was obsessed with swings. I still love parks and I get giddy around Park swings to this day. 😊💕💕

[@lynnielew6165]

In kindergarten I didn't speak for the first month, not responding to the teacher's questions, nothing. Teacher finally got in touch with my mom -- so she asked me why i didn't participate in class. I told her "Nana told me not to talk in class." :)

[@Naz-vy8ls]

I peed my pants 4 years into primary school (grade 3) because we went to a swimming centre which was outside of routine. When we got off the bus I had wet my pants. I was mortified!

[@lesliegann2737]

At least your parents accepted you. My situation was different. I recognize several things you said that happened to me as a child. Your video was very eye opening to me. Thanks.

[@MollyElizabeth89]

I can't even believe someone else still ties their shoes the "easy way"! I've never learned the real way, either. Another thing I had issues with was using scissors, but I managed to get the hang of that one later on (maybe my motor skills developed later than usual). But as for the smiling thing... Uh... I never got the hang of that, either. And people really expect it of you as a girl. I think in highschool I just didn't show up on picture day. And now I just have to hope someone will catch a good candid shot, because I simply can't do it, the smiling on command thing. I can half-smile, and that's gonna have to be good enough. This has been really validating, hearing your experience with being autistic. I'm just partly amazed and partly enraged that I'm 30 years old, and I've never had so much as an evaluation. Getting churned in and out of the mental health system, and no one, not a soul, had the sense to suggest it as a serious possiblity. I go in for an evaluation this Monday, though. I'm guessing it'll come back "positive", but I could be wrong. I just wanted to comment something: I guess I'm jumping the gun, but I'm sure I'm borderline autistic. But I relate to your experience regardless of diagnosis! Oh, and swimming = stimming, for me, even as an adult. Riding my bike, too, come to think of it. So at least I get exercise! I should get back into swinging, too: go to a playground in the dead of night and just swing my heart out! I loved it, too, as a kid: all recess long.

[@hightalk]

How did your evaluation go? I am 32 and just starting my own evaluation. I have been in and out of the mental health system since I was 9, and only 3 months ago I went in for a "crisis" evaluation, and no one ever brought up the possibility, despite being told I had: ocd traits(my intense interests, fixation on details, and routine oriented nature), social phobia (due to not picking up on social cues), anxiety (easily overwhelmed by stimuli), major depression (burnout), and ptsd due to child abuse (for being so "different" in the first place)! It is quite upsetting. I hope you got a satisfactory answer. There is a ton of info out there from autistic people nowadays so hopefully we can all move forward in a healthier way.

[@The_Gnome_Chomskee]

I got put in time out in kindergarten because I couldn’t tie my shoes. Then, when I got home I wasn’t allowed to go see the land before time because I finally, for the only time in my life, I was able to tie my shoe in the ‘right’ way. But it was on the wrong foot. So my dad took my brother and I got a spanking. I was only able to learn to tie my shoes by the two bow method and I still do that today. Damn my parents sucked.

[@imspring3033]

I never thought there’s also someone who couldn’t sleep if the blanket wasn’t put “the right way”. I still do this actually ... most of the time it takes me a while to fall asleep cause i can’t put it in the right way . Never thought much about this though .

[@marmedello]

Yeah I got teased often by my siblings for my sleeping habits. I shared a room. I would have to adjust the blankets, and bedding frequently until I felt no wrinkles. If I felt even one wrinkle, it would be a source of mental discomfort until I sat up and fixed it. My sister would then bark at me to stop fidgeting. I hate feeling the rolls of the wrinkles. I would then lay stiff and wait until she fell asleep and go right back to adjusting the sheets. I am undiagnosed. Eventually I came to a compromise with myself and practiced only shifting the pillowcase so that I wouldn’t have to keep sitting up. I still go back to fixing the whole sheets occasionally though.

[@euanelliott3613]

I don't remember stimming as a child but I was probably doing it unconsciously. I seemed to be able to make friends easier, albeit cautiously. I think this was because my friends weren't particularly analytical when it came to my behaviour. I sometimes said things which made them laugh as they didn't think the same way. In company with my friends I would be mentally far away, and I would always be the one who would take note of what we were all doing, so I could remember it when I was older. I was always streets ahead of my friends as far as intelligence went, and there came a time when I went to college whereas they ended up in court. I also have a thing about keeping my word on things: if I give my word it has to be kept no matter what.

[@selisa86]

When you talked about learning how to ride your bike and then forgetting and relearning... this also happened to me and I thought I was the only one - so I suddenly realized that I was flapping my hands because I was excited lol. And you know, you hear the expression, "oh, it's like riding a bike" when someone is talking about something you'd never forget how to do. Only... not me, because I literally forgot. So thank you for making me feel better about not being the only one lol. Since my doctor mentioned that I may have ASD (I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, but my doc suspects that I'm on the spectrum and all of the research I've done since points strongly in that direction), I've looked back on my childhood and noticed so many "quirks" as well. The thing that I think my Mom thought was the most odd or funny was that when I was learning how to read, she would take me shopping for a new book and it didn't matter so much what it was about, the pages had to be the right texture (glossy) and have a certain weight to them. If they didn't, I didn't want the book. Lol. I also didn't know how to smile for pictures. In most of my baby + toddler pictures I was either crying or staring, but in my kindergarten pic I had a sort of lop-sided smile that made me just look annoyed, but I thought I was smiling. They don't teach you these things lol. Thanks for sharing this! 😄

[@StephanieBethany]

Oh wow! I'm not alone! Haha I too find that saying unrelatable due to forgetting how to ride a bike 😂 Thanks for sharing!

[@JohnCrichton7]

The earliest sign, I guess I'd call it, was that I would only take a certain pacifier. If it got lost my poor parents had to drive to the store and buy the same one or I wouldn't take it. Another time was when my parents took down the safety gate at my door when I was a toddler. I had learned to climb over it and so it was no longer serving it's function. So when I woke up the next morning and found that the gate was gone I sat on the floor where the gate had been and cried.

[@net_bianca]

wow the pants thing!! I did that...sometimes still do thought that was just me. So many of these thing and my parent where also just like thats just Bianca haha still don’t touch a trash can...

[@jelatinosa]

Oh, but me and my sister both got sent to be evaluated by a child psychologist on our schools recommendation. Me for socialization reasons and my sister for learning. They gave us some type of IQ test and we both passed, and I got "above average" on the test. As for the "shyness" the psychologist said I would get over it and left it at that. But I later(much later) realized it wasn't mere shyness. I wouldn't even consider myself shy for most of my life, yet I still couldn't socialize "properly" and was labeled as shy.

[@vmcintosh8956]

I was labelled shy, and through therapy realised i wasnt shy and just "didn't like people". Im now awaiting my autism assessment 😅

[@brianna1826]

Holy crap i didn't even realize showing your teeth when told to was an aspect of my autism but it makes so much sense because i just like you obviously just took it very seriously. For years in photos when i wasn't just smiling naturally i smiled showing only my bottom teeth biting my top lip with my bottom lip pouting down in order to properly show my teeth like i was being told.

[@ania5078]

Wow, I never know when I should start talking and interrupting an "adult" person is almost impossible to me. It's good to know I'm not the only one who had this kind of a problem xD

[@tudormiller8898]

I had trouble tying my shoe laces, even aged 8, now as an adult, I only have trouble tying my laces when I'm late for work or an appointment or something. I'm easily frustrated.

[@ladybookworms]

I scrapped shoes with laces once I left school. Try them. Shoes do not need laces!!

[@Ann-bd8jn]

As I'm going through the assesment process at the moment I've been thinking a lot about my childhood memories. My best friend pointed out recently how I always used to line up my toys (something I remember doing) and some other repetetive behaviours I did, like rocking (something I'd rarely notice myself doing, just kind of happens). In elementary school I had one best friend (not the person I just mentioned) and she was my voice. This worked pretty well up until middle school. I'm still pretty quiet I guess but back then I spoke a lot less. Actually my mum says I didn't really talk at all until I was 3. I had some difficulty with shoe laces too and haven't gone beyond the "easy" way. The topic of bikes is one my mum and I have been discussing recently. She thought I'd never be able to ride a bike. Probably because I couldn't keep a bike upright until I was 9ish and I wasn't good at keeping it going and stable until I was maybe 12 or 13. In elementary school I was taught it was a rule to not walk between people that were in a conversation. In theory this is a good rule. The problem was that teachers often spoke to each other from their side of the hallway to a teacher on the other side. I'm sure I was slow getting places a number of times because I'd wait for a signifcant pause in conversation before I'd walk between them. The list of memories that I now think could be autism related seems endless. This is embarassing to talk about but I had accidents at school as well. I'm pretty sure I had a number of accidents in kindergarten. The most memorable accident at school was in grade 6 though. I hated asking to go to the washroom and worse yet I had something of a fear of most public washrooms (more so an extreme discomfort regarding them really). As a result (starting in grade 4 as I'd previously gotten used to the primary grades' washrooms) I would always wait until I went to daycare at the end of the day. One day the routine changed slightly and at 12 I had an accident. I think the experience had me more willing to give public washrooms a shot at least.

[@Keyannakrazewolfie]

I also only ever had one friend, if any. My friend would always have more friends then me, sometimes id be in the hubof those people but id never talk to them or lead anything.

[@ellie9295]

When I was little I lived in the countryside where you know everyone. If we were outside I could recognise the sound of everyones cars and could tell my parants who was coming. I still know what cars all people I know have so that I can recognise them if we meet them in the street and can wave to them. I see this as normal. I have don't think it's 🤔 When I was 5 my best friend started school and "left" me in kindergarten (in Sweden you start school when you're 6). I was so sad that I started to pee in bed when I sleped. Looking back I probably couldn't handle the change in the routine. I started to notice that I have problem with eye contact around the same time I started to read more about autism last summer. Sometime before that I have started to notice that I often reacted different in socal situations compared to others. I have since realised that one of the main reasons that no one saw that I have autism probably is because I'm really good in masking. Which is good and bad at the same time. I learned from an early age that you need to be socal and speak to people. My dad had a store when I was little so he did know almost everyone that we meet when we was out and about. So I'm extremely socal which is an act. It's how everyone expect me to be so I'm. I hate new situations because I haven't learned how to act. I get extreme anxiety from new situations until I learn how to act.

[@stellyz397]

Oh my goodness, I totally peed my pants in first grade because the teacher was in the middle of reading a story to everyone 😳

[@michaelwerner7032]

That happened to me in Kindergarten because I had selective mutism and literally couldn't ask the teacher. I ended up running outside but I only just made it out the door so my teacher heard everything and came to investigate. Her solution was that I write on a piece of paper if I needed to go so I did that until second grade when I started talking to people and not being a mute.

[@MissShembre]

As you can probably tell by my comments as I've been making my way through your videos, I think you're pretty awesome. :) I remember having the same thing happen in Kindergarten, too, only my teacher (nice lady) called everyone's attention as I was headed for the door. She was giving end of the day information, and the rule was something along the lines of Stop and Listen. I also didn't learn to tie my shoes the 'normal way', and learning to type on the computer was hard, even though that's no longer an issue because I wanted to write stories/homework faster. I was a late talker but did kind of a baby sign language. I also outread all my classmates in 2nd grade because Pizza Hut had free pizza coupons (you'd read X amount of books for a personal pan pizza-- my parents got sick of it), but I really struggled with basic counting (my cousins skipped grades and I should have been able to if not for terrible math skills and being small for my age). Any opportunity I've gotten, I'd talk to my teachers/professors before talking to peers. I did come home from elementary school and have meltdowns(?) in my room for reasons I do not remember, but my "friends" were also terrible and played mind games a lot. Same thing happened in college (also kept it to myself) but my roommate was also terrible. I've had meltdowns in my 20s but they've been brought on by social interactions that bothered me, or stress that normal people would understand but not feel as deeply, I guess. I'm going to keep an eye on it from now on. Additionally, I've had several friends in the past be my "middleman" voice advocates (boyfriend helps with this but I'm actively working on that). I'm sure there's other stuff, too, but I've already generated a large paragraph.

[@andrewbauch888]

It’s amazing that you remembered your childhood with the help of your family. Though for me, having inattentive ADHD, I lost 80 percent of my childhood memories as I grew older. It took me 7 years to recover my childhood memories with the help of my older sister and my parents.

[@lo34567]

You sound so much like my daughter! She’s 4 now. Loves to swing and also spin. She also doesn’t like pants unless they fit how she wants. She just started talking more now and communicating better. She goes to services at school and she’s in a classroom that’s structured for her needs.I only noticed that she was having issues talking and communicating so that’s when I had her evaluated by our school. I like your mom too just said “ hey that’s just my daughter, she’s just how she is”.You just love and except them no matter what. Thank you for making videos from the perspective of an Autistic person. I and many other don’t know -people need to be more educated on Autism. I find that hearing from someone on the spectrum versus reading things on google is more helpful.

[@megan5074]

I'm not diagnosed but I 100% relate especially with the pants being a certain way and having meltdowns if people touched my stuff in my room especially my stuffed animals and I was also very sentimental and stubborn lol

[@benedictjephcote6815]

Thanks Stephanie. Can I relate? Yeah, a whole bunch. Some made me smile a lot because it brought back memories. The taking steps one at a time (spiral staircases were a nightmare), watching my brother and friends play computer games was so much more enjoyable. If I was playing the games myself, it felt like hard work and I wouldn't get to 'see/take in/enjoy' what was happening, so watching others went really well. Thanks for sharing :)

[@chocolatemilk9889]

I remember in kindergarten i would set up my toys in certain ways I still kinda do. I'm 15

[@hightalk]

I had so many indications in childhood that it is truly astonishing that it's taken me 32 years to get a proper evaluation done. Considering also that I've been in and out of the mental health system since I was 9 years old, it truly shows just how little is understood about autism, especially in females! My first sign also appeared the day I was born. I was born in a frank breech position, which is now thought to have an association with autism (along with being the first born, which I also was). I was described as a child as being "serious", "intense", and in my "own little world". As a toddler I walked on my toes at all times (still do it sometimes!) I was described as "an excellent mimic" and repeated words or phrases that I heard people say, but otherwise i was "not overly verbal". Once I did start to speak i did so in an overly formal manner, giving monologues about an intense interest of mine. I didn't play with dolls but had a fixation with a soft doll sweater that I had to carry around with me at all times. I was constantly swinging too! If not on a swing, I was on the monkey bars or climbing things--i was constantly seeking this kind of sensation. I had a period of time where I put absolutely everything I could find in my mouth and I would walk pressing my body against all the cars in a parking lot. I couldnt stand any noise and i would get overstimulated very quickly. I couldnt sleep at night unless the house was completely silent and I would get very upset if I heard so much as a whisper. My parents had to cut off all the tags of my clothing and I would only wear certain fabrics. I couldnt stand any change in routine. I would get completely absorbed in whatever I was doing to the exclusion of anything else. I watched Alice in Wonderland over 300 times in a row. Once I started school I rarely made any attempts to play with other children and mainly spent my time doing crafts or drawing on my own. I could go on but really, it is quite obvious, isn't it? But, just like you, that was just "Miranda". I was "unique and special" (that is, until I could no longer cope with school and refused to go... but that is moving away from the early childhood topic). So yeah those are some of my signs, there are more but those were the ones that came to mind before I decided I had went on and on long enough. :)

[@mimijaneco5523]

I still do bunny ears when tying my shoes. I didn’t think it was weird until someone else pointed it out to me.

[@gertrudelaronge6864]

It is so comforting to hear someonelse describe themselves doing the same weird stuff that I did as a child. I could never explain why I was doing what I was doing. I didn't understand, it was confusing and frustrating and very isolating. These videos that you do are helping me to understand myself. I can never thank you enough for that.

[@harmonyhope1709]

Relate to lots of those behaviours in childhood!

[@dianahiggins9385]

Yes: swing, shoe laces, bike is a no no, etc. Difference: your family seems to have accepted you, and worked around your ways instead of thinking you had something to be diagnosed about. Me: I grew up being told off, taught to eat "all types of food", wear socially acceptable clothes made from unbearable fabrics, attend social events and participate with a smile, meltdowns led to grounding, told not to cry, they hid my books to "cure" my reading obsession, pressure to get more friends (not just one)... Sounds cruel by today's standards; but all was to "make me a better person"; my family never thought there was something to be diagnosed about as academically I was at the top of the class. While I wish some magician had explained my family about autism, I cannot complain, it made me who I am and am very happy as being self diagnosed at 51, welcoming life and a brighter future. Thanks for your clear description, it reinforces what it is like to grow with autism and to live with it.

[@noor-5187]

Haha your story of getting so exited about your sister playing her video game, reminded me of something I forgot about. We used to play this game 'Sonic' on the Sega (nineties kid^^) I would get hysterical while playing and unconsciously copying the character of the game, jumping up and down, left right, nearly pulling out the cables, I just couldn't control myself.

[@EpicKate]

I like rambeling videos! You should totally do them more often. Or you know, as often as you feel like.

[@StephanieBethany]

Haha yay! I'm glad you like them

[@talasheart7889]

I had exactly the same problem with tying my shoes. I just couldn't do it until I was... four or something and my older sister finally taught me the "easy" way (I think we call it "Mariechenschleife"). I still can't do the hard way but at least I can tie my shoes now.

[@karstynmcdaniel]

Omg the sentimental thing. I cried so much when my mom crashed our green van. I remember being really upset about things like that or moving houses

[@uncovsean1843]

In the 4th grade I learned how to tie my shoes

[@triciabourne2237]

I walk down/up the stairs like that too 😭😭😭 Everyone teases me about it but like I can’t help it lol

[@fatimaallawati947]

GREAT video Thank you SO MUCH for the video!!!!!!!!!!

[@lesliegann2737]

I listened to your video again and wrote down things that came to mind, as a comparison and if it is interesting to others. Here goes... not much in the way of stimming but remember twisting my body left and right repeatedly; organizing toys and everything in my room had its own special place (still like that with my ornaments); I remember a turning blue in the face melt down I had in kindergarten after my mother dropped me off; I also had tantrums about clothes that were too itchy; I'm still fussy and prefer natural fabrics, my pants waistline has to be at the right spot; this may be one of your other videos but despite liking dancing I was slow to pick up the steps or to copy what the teacher was doing; was slow to follow physical instruction and could understand it better if I read directions instead; some years were friendless and when I did have a friend I sort of latched on for dear life; being accused of staying in my room too much (which I figured was my way of escaping their drunken arguments); taking things literally sometimes which I still do; having difficulty following conversations with too many words and detours - prefer big picture first then fill in details. Eye contact. My issue has been more about too much eye contact... in a mtg or class where people are situated around a table I have to resist my inclination is to want to stare at each person (rather like an artist studying their subject matter - noticing all the characteristics of someone's face etc). It's like I don't know where to put my eyes and I'm accutely aware of the other people. In ordinary social situations I sometimes have to work at not looking into their eyes too intently as I have an odd sensation of losing myself. Unlike most other women I much prefer going to a walk than sitting facing each other in a restaurant. As a side note: I have mostly just considered these things as a result of CPTSD in a narcissistic family, and that I was a sensitive empath and that my mother pointed out strange or odd things just to gaslight me, but at the same time I have always felt that there was something wrong with me. At least now I know I'm not alone. Whenever I explored autism in the past, the lack of eye contact and lack of supposed empathy was what made me stop exploring as I'd think that this can't be me. So then I looked at Highly Sensitive Person, which had some things in common with autism as to sensory overload etc.

[@BipolarCourage]

Reminded me of my son (childhood Aspergers diagnosis) distraught when we sold furniture including his old set of drawers to move overseas. He was very attached to it, turns out.

[@doingo648]

OMG the bike thing!!! I too forgot how to ride a bike twice. I felt very self conscious about it, and the saying about how "it's like riding a bike" infuriated me so much!

[@angelaanderson993]

One of the few things my mom remembers from my childhood was that I was super alert and looking all over the room right after I was born.

[@Jaichbinhier]

We appreciate that you pulled yourself together to put this video together. :) (What you ought to do is get your own branded beanie and sell it as merch. Then you Can wear one whenever you want and it wouldn't seem too weird, for viewers Would consider it a visual plug for your apparel. So there's something you could do.)

[@EpicKate]

Nice idea! Hey, have you considered being a patreon? You could 1 dollar a month to show support!

[@Jaichbinhier]

​@@EpicKate Actually, I personally hadn't considered it... Not because I don't have a spare dollar or three, But because I don't make online purchases. It's restrictive, but I save a ton of money. I did take a gander at the Patreon page And I like the structure Steph has in place. If I were comfortable with investing via webpage, I would probably be a resident of that space. :)

[@StephanieBethany]

That's definitely an idea to consider!

[@potatoknishu3374]

I didn't learn how to tie my shoes until like 4th grade when one really nice coach taught me an easier way to do it and I still tie them that exact way

[@AndisweatherCenter]

I couldn’t tell you my shoes until I was in the fifth grade and even today it’s really hard for me to do handwriting as I have severe dyspraxia.

[@MissBliss818]

Thank you!!! I also forgot how to ride a bike and when I try telling anyone I forgot how, I get told that’s impossible that you can’t forget, yet I never believed that to be true.

[@AndisweatherCenter]

I was a very anxious child, I had sensory overload very easily and I was also very emotionally sensitive. Basically almost all my senses were extremely heightened, emotions especially. And on top of that I had a very abusive upbringing. My male relatives were horribly abusive, I was physically mentally and emotionally abused throughout my entire childhood. School used to be an escape for me when I was in elementary school up to second grade but when I was in 2nd through sixth grade I was horribly bullied and the bullying at school and the abuse at home got so bad, is that my mom pulled me out of school and sent me to a special ed school in Boston for 6 years. While I was able to emotionally recover there I fell behind educationally and now I am 30 years old and I’m trying to catch up as I’m still in college. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, rejection sensitivity dysphoria and borderline personality disorder. One of the things I’m most sensitive to is rejection and I’ve never been in a relationship before as I’m so afraid of rejection but I almost never put myself out before and the few times I did I was harshly rejected which only reinforced my rejection sensitivity/social anxiety. And the reason for my rejection was the autism as one of the girls I was dating told me that she would’ve never dated me that she knew I was autistic and she was angry that I kept it from her while we were dating. I told her that my diagnosis is none of her business and that she shouldn’t blame me for her ableism. I became very bitter to anyone who insulted me or was toxic towards me and I lost a lot of friends because of my bitterness/anger issues that stemmed from my trauma.

[@AnarchistCatGrrl]

I can relate to the stimming.

[@sarinalight7422]

You said so many Familiar things I did as a child, teen & young adult. As I age I’m aware that some of these things I still do. I’m So Grateful b/c they make me who I am Today, A Proud ASC So Cool (Still have issues getting an Advocate that understands my T1D & Autism together. I’m Thankful I’m alive Today. I can say Technology & NT codes are not on my Fan List. Just being Firm & Direct is a priority without being a Jerk. Have a Great Week ahead! . ☮️

[@bolinhong2598]

Your herbs has work wonders in my family. Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best

[@JonBrase]

In Kindergarten, I remember my teacher coaching me heavily on climbing stairs properly. My gait on stairs is fine now, but was exactly as you describe. I always bore my teeth for the camera too, I knew what gesture I should be trying for, but had no idea how to make it. I've since gone for a close-lipped smile. Part of the issue seems to be that the muscle that lifts the right corner of my mouth doesn't seem to work. I have no idea how long that's been the case, because it took me forever to learn to consciously use the one on the other side. It may have been a factor in childhood, or it may have developed since.

[@bolinhong2598]

There is permanent herbs to improve autism. It’s a medicine you can get from Dr Oyalo KZbin channel, his herbs have made my son improve perfectly in his speech and social skills

[@7minutesago4yearsago29]

I was very serious about the rules and I remember once in kindergarten I accidentally called a girl ugly (I don't remember most of what happened only clips of it in my head) so she told the teacher and the teacher told me to move my clip down (for the first time ever) and I just cried and cried like my eyes were waterfalls. I had my head down in the desk and was sobbing because my clip went from "great" to "good." She kept trying to tell me to calm down and stop crying but I basically tuned her out. If I remember correctly, she threatened to move my clip down again if I didn't stop crying. I was just terrified of getting in trouble and I responded the same way if I ever got close to being in trouble.

[@anjachan2]

I was always very quiet. Loved being alone in my room playing, reading or watching anime. Im still very much the same but try to connect more to people 😅

[@lemon3rd800]

Right at the beginning because this is important (0:45) : Just two weeks ago I talked with one of my sisters about possibly having autism (because I read a lot about it and noticed a lot of similarities). She then told me that she suspected that for a long time already. I then asked her why she didn't tell me about that and her response was that she assumed I already knew I would match (at least ASD) these criteria. Yes, I did notice that I was somewhat off to a good extent over the past years but I always pushed it towards different things such as introverted behavior or depression. I just never realized that I could have autism until I consulted a psychiatrist. I'm pretty certain that someone else experienced something similar as well. I just acted the way I did but never gave it more attention.

[@sarahmi54]

Omg..I'm watching this right now and we are soo similar lol it's kinda crazzzyyyy

[@Peoniesandzinnias]

Some of this sounds similar to me, but I didnt have a very free childhood and I tried really hard not to stand out. Supressed myself. My dad has a similar personality to me.

[@Peoniesandzinnias]

Thank u for sharing your experience! Would u mind sharing what your religion is? I'm catholic

[@jesse85]

The video game thing... I had never heard somebody else experience that.

[@firstnamenate9761]

Looking at my childhood photos I always looked so lost. It’s weird that as a child I questioned the purpose of photography like why do I have to be here? Why do I have to be still yet smile ? I didn’t understand why humans take pictures so unnaturally it’s so strange to me but hey when parents pay they expect you to obey 😂

[@agoodwasteoftime]

I don't remember much from my childhood at all, but what i do know is It took me perhaps a little longer to grasp potty training, and i wet the bed at an embarrasingly late age, While i think i did play with toys in the "normal" way, i remember being fixated on specific things, like for example I had a playmobil house, and all i remember from it is the stairs. just the stairs. I'd be fixated on the stairs for reasons i can't work out. I would just do the same things over and over cause i liked it and not necessarily to play out social situations. I was actually very popular in primary school, i think just cause i would gladly talk to whoever talked to me, and also i grew up in a time when it was "cool" to be "weird" so... i think that probably helped. Other than that i can't think of any other autistic traits i showed in childhood...

[@sarahb.6475]

When I started Kindergarten I had no contact at all with kids my own age. I had bet surrounded by adults only: my mother and grandparents. I think in the long run this made my Asperger's worse. I also took the rule "no talking in class" very seriously so I never said anything unless I was called upon, as I didn't want to get into trouble. I think in my mind the trouble was some nameless fear. But the other kids were all busy talking and I'd sit there very quiet, not saying anything. I couldn't understand why they did not follow the rules? It didn't help any that i was dressed in odd looking outdated clothing. I didn't have a single friend at school. Once I learned to read I quickly passed up my peers. I was on an 8th grade reading level in 6th grade. I remember I didn't understand math at all at first. I did not comprehend what math was about at all. I thought the answer was hidden somewhere else on the page and we had to guess. I'm still somewhat bad at math and I cannot remember numbers. It took me a year to learn my own phone number! I'm great at seeing patterns though? I'm not sure why. I also have aphantasia so I think this plays into my trouble with math. I remember thinking some other strange things while I kid too. Like I had believed that a bra was to hide the little bump made by ones nipple on a shirt...the idea of lift was totally foreign! I had thought the bump was super embarrassing! I also took things very literal and I still do.

[@ap70621]

That part about "always having to have the last word" hit home.

[@dmanzawsome]

smiling is hard

[@johnbillings5260]

I nearly failed kindergarten for not being able to tie my shoes. I excelled in everything in 1st grade and was put into a gifted class in 2nd. I started to struggle then and I just recently figured out (while I've been in the process of getting tested) that it was heavily due to overstimulation.

[@bolinhong2598]

There is permanent herbs to improve autism. It’s a medicine you can get from Dr Oyalo KZbin channel, his herbs have made my son improve perfectly in his speech and social skills

[@MadameCorgi]

Your stairs story makes me think about how I used to crawl up the stairs till I was 8. Thought it was 'easier'

[@AntonFatkin]

My niece just got diagnosed with Autism. She is 3 years old and they have been observing her for a while and now stated that she is either one or two on the spectrum. She seems pretty normal but some things she does aren't normal at all. She also just wants to play on her own while the rest of the class are playing together. She has no fear at all so a tad hard as my sister has to watch her all the time in case she does something dangerous. She also screams a lot if she doesn't get her way. Super worried for her and hope that she ends up being okay

[@mikat5927]

Thank you - this was so helpful because I cannot talk to my parents or anyone in the family. - the photo thing yess -- they would always criticize I`m not smiling and being in a bad mood. Guess who then became angry when pics got taken. And I smiled like a weirdo. - I`m a good biker. But I shouldn`t because when I`m bored or distracted I have bad accidents. So many yet. ADHD/ADD - shoes yess - I always wanted to have my velcros back and finally got them back - shy yess - in social situations - fear of tractors and garbage trucks - disgust of whole-body-rain-suit and plastic pantyhose. Can still feel it while I write it. Ewww. - childish children - when I saw myself in the mirror I said: "I can see a "Name".. I later officially changed my name and renamed myself at age 5 or earlier for the first time. ...

[@alexiefoster3462]

I really enjoy hearing your perspective, Stephanie. Thanks for sharing!

[@danyelPitmon]

I have to agree with Starman I wonder what a normal childhood looks like

[@kyleandrewsmasterson3359]

Don't worry stephanie, you're absolutely fine 💖💖🙏🙏

[@endorolfgreenwolf5265]

That is an awesome keyboard. My first song learned was ode to joy on the keyboard. Mind you though it was a single finger pressing each key for the song and not real piano learning.

[@pikaluv43]

ty for the vid i did some of those things too stephanie

[@CollegeChick818]

Certain things it sounds like you are describing my life to a T! I have ADHD (inattentive subtype) and was diagnosed with Aspergers/pdd-nos at 22. My mom was the one who thought I could be on the spectrum after talking to her therapist. (Her therapist suggested it after they talked about a meltdown I had)

[@keipup4422]

The story from Kindergarden is word for word the same thing that happened to me!

[@alexrose20]

i peed my pants many times at school and i was an occasional bed wetter for way too many years when you dream that ur on the toilet and just let loose 😓 i always make sure to pee before bed ugh

[@beaut-ful-d-saster]

Aspie here. I'm 37 and I do the one at a time stair thing for most staircases, but only when going down them. It's like going up I can see where the edges of the steps are and judge where to put my feet but going down I get paranoid about my heels catching on the edges of the stairs and tripping me up so I fall. It's much worse if I am carrying heavy bags of groceries, so I end up awkwardly sidestepping down the stairs

[@bolinhong2598]

There is permanent herbs to improve autism. It’s a medicine you can get from Dr Oyalo KZbin channel, his herbs have made my son improve perfectly in his speech and social skills

[@Keyannakrazewolfie]

i could not tie my shoes till i was 11, i do it the easy way still i get too confused otherwise

[@kyleandrewsmasterson3359]

I kinda remember few instances where I'd end up basically facing the pavement face first and lacking muscle coordination , coloring on the furniture or walls using. The old fashioned crayons on the dining room table and walls; extremely hyper sensitive to loud noises e.g. Thunderstorms and the like etc. Holding internal conversations e.g. playing with dolls even into teenage years having odd or eccentric social relationships with kids and how to communicate and friendships etc.

[@isaacmoore2083]

Wait the whole "scooting down the stairs" thing isn't normal for kids? (my Nana always called it bumping, because there was a bump every time I'd hit the stairs). I used to do the stairs EXCLUSIVELY like that anywhere there were carpeted stairs. To this day I have issues with the smiling for a camera thing... I'll do a slight grin, and people (my wife especially) do the "Show your teeth" thing and I hate how pictures make me look when I smile like that. Fashion sense has improved since I was young, but I found a few outfits that work and are interchangeable (enough t-shirts and cargo shorts/jeans make it work).

[@kyleandrewsmasterson3359]

I really don't know why but I found myself emotionally connected to you and Chloe a.k a. Princess Aspien I don't know why but I just do for some reason or another but If you find me somehow unobtrusively annoying in anyway please tell me so that I can stop that odd peculiarity within myself! Thanks for being there when I needed someone to open up to!

[@StephanieBethany]

Oh no, you're fine! I just might not catch or respond to all your comments, but it makes me happy seeing that you can relate or even just sharing your thoughts! Don't worry - we can all do something of that nature. I don't find you annoying!

[@bonnie7433]

Oh my gosh, I am so excited to find your channel. I am a mum of a 13 year old boy and 10 year old girl with high functioning autism. Helping my children as they get older negotiate life is so different than when they were little. hearing your perspective is wonderful. Thank you. I am also very intrigued by your computer space. It looks like a great space for chilling out. It also looks like a space that would help with the dreaded homework. My kids have such trouble with staying on task. Can you tell me about it? How does it work for you?

[@StephanieBethany]

So great to have you here! Yeah, so my space behind me is actually a desk underneath a bunk bed sort of thing lol but it being partially enclosed kind of makes it feel like my own safe place. I've been capable of doing tasks in various places but it did help to have a special place set up for me to know, these are the things for when I do my homework and kind of getting into that mindset. I can't say I'm the best at staying on tasks but if I can get my brain on that track I can usually get a lot done in that particular area (i.e. cleaning, schoolwork, etc.) Not sure if that was helpful or not. I did sometimes have music on in the background (preferably instrumental or the lyrics would distract my internal reading voice) and of course the freedom to stim (stimming tends to actually help our minds be more open to learning)

[@christinevansaders3297]

Wow. Thank you for sharing💙 so much resonates.

[@bleeknee28]

I was told as a young girl to keep eye contact when someone is talking so o began to do too much eye contact and get anxiety and look away too much and then make eye contact haha

[@rachaelhayward5495]

I relate to most of these,currently going through the process of a diagnosis

[@stephaniechristian6455]

Omg so many things you said is me. Especially the stubborn part lol. So me! I am almost 42 and still not diagnosed because I cannot find a decent psych2who understand about masking. I know I habe several family members on the spectrum who need to be diagnosed as well but back then nobody thought about it or cared or just thought we were weird. I have been treated poorly from so many people who thought I was a weirdo or unfriendly. Lost jobs as well even though my work and dedication was stellar. No diagnosis yet. I don't know where to go from here 🙁.

[@StephanieBethany]

I'm sorry to hear about your experience. I had to go to a doctor and then get referred to a psychologist. It might help to join a local area autism group on Facebook and see if they have any ideas, something I wish I had done on my search.

[@junkettarp8942]

Hello Stephanie.....I am Asperger syndrome...nice to hear you talk.

[@jg1681]

I stimmed when I was little. I used to have a stim where I would cross my arms and clasp my hands together. I did this a lot to cope when my mom did my hair and helped me get dressed as a kid because I didn't like her touching me like that, though I did it other instances too. She made me unlearn that stim because of how awkward it looked. i also paced and spinned a lot. I also had an obsession with swings and I know the whole "right way" thing was huge with sleep. The bed had to be against the wall and the door had to be closed I also used to line up toys but I think that was due to how my grandpa used to like lining up toys And OMG! I went down the stairs like you did! I was forced to unlearn it because my parents though it was awkward. still takes a lot of effort to go down them (normally) I was terrible at fashion, I really didn't care about fashion that much. I had one female friend I would cling to as well. I was also sentimental and I would not like changes. Also weird thing: I used to go on the different things on the playground in a routine every day. i am still very specific about my pants. they have to sit a certain way and be a certain texture too. a story is when i was at the kindergarten orientation i picked up a book and just started reading and another parent was surprised i could read by myself

[@JenNagleInk]

I sure can relate Stephanie thanks.

[@alexrose20]

there's another way to tie shoes??

[@misspinkpunkykat]

My mom says the same thing about the screaming when I was a baby too. I'm autistic as well. She swears to this day she has hearing damage from me.

[@bolinhong2598]

There is permanent herbs to improve autism. It’s a medicine you can get from Dr Oyalo KZbin channel, his herbs have made my son improve perfectly in his speech and social skills

[@cashew785]

I remember when I was crying bcs I bought the wrong shoes to school and didn't stop until my mom got me random rubber shoes. My teacher was getting frustrated and scolding me and it was just getting more worse

[@agrotta1650]

I was spanked. A LOT (daily. Sometimes several times a day) as a toddler and throughout my elementary school years, and often beyond (other types of spanking rather than on buttocks). There were LOTS of rules so I definitely did no screaming. I got spanked for not understanding what my mom was wanting me to do (when i was 2 years old) when she was using a magnet board and trying to have me arrange magnetic letters alphabetically, and I couldn't recite or arrange them correctly. I was an extremely frustrating child, and I still am frustrating (to my mom and siblings, or anyone that wants to tell me how to think or what to do, or anyone who tries to control me, or make me try on clothes I really find ugly and or physically displeasing)

[@Alphacentauri819]

A Grotta that’s so sad...and I’m sure left trauma... The Personal Development School KZbin channel helped me realize I had fearful avoidant attachment style, due to childhood trauma. I can’t imagine being spanked daily though 😢 I hope you heal. Even your wording calling yourself frustrating... makes me sad for you. I hope the narrative changes and you see yourself more positively and reference your strengths too. Best wishes

[@agrotta1650]

@@Alphacentauri819, it did leave trauma. Thank you. one day I will be fully healed, I believe. Jesus Christ helps me and gives me comfort. I'd be dead from suicide without him. He is fully innocent, God's only begotten Son, who was severely abused and falsely accused and killed and died on that cross for my sin, and rose himself alive from the grave all on my/our behalf on the 3rd day. I only trust in him for my salvation, and in general. He's my rock and my fortress. I keep no religion. I don't work to earn any salvation. Doing anything good won't earn salvation nor maintain salvation. My doing or thinking bad won't cause me to lose salvation because Jesus offers salvation as a free gift without us being required to merit it. Which is amazing. All the religious, child abusing people in the world lie about Jesus and his free gift. They lie about salvation. So I'm thankful Jesus didn't lie, and he is trustworthy, and I'm thankful he is God, and not people. John 3 agrees with 1 Corinthians 15 kjv.

[@agrotta1650]

@@Alphacentauri819, When i went to the psychologist to test me for autism, I was so afraid she would only want to focus on my abuse rather than the autistic traits causing the frustration for my mom and others. I was right. She diagnosed me with autism level 1 because "she didn't know what else to diagnose me with", because I passed the story test, the ADOS or DDOS test (can't remember the name). But apparently other late diagnosed women have had the same experience with getting tested, passing some of the tests, but still being diagnosed autism level 1. The problem is that she didn't consider that women don't have the same traits as men in the same way. Her husband is autistic and she did tell me she understood me because her husband is also autistic. So that has me thinking she did think I am autistic. I don't know.

[@skillit32]

Thanks!

[@griseldap1]

omg I still do the shoelace thing the easy way as well. I did try doing it the other way but the lace just wouldn't stay put, or the pressure once it was tied the other way didn't feel right

[@bolinhong2598]

There is permanent herbs to improve autism. It’s a medicine you can get from Dr Oyalo KZbin channel, his herbs have made my son improve perfectly in his speech and social skills