Autism & Theory of Mind

I have "Theory of Mind" difficulties. And if you have autism, you may do too.
In this third episode of Agony Autie, I talk about "Theory of Mind", hopefully giving some fun tips and examples to try and improve the way we communicate with each other.
ALL people with autism have the triad of "Social, Emotional & Communication" difficulties....We can often find it hard to understand other people's emotions and perspectives, and even harder to explain our own behaviors. Difficulties understanding emotions is known as 'Alexithymia' & I struggle greatly with this...we'll of course do a separate blog on this).
If you enjoyed the video, you can 'like' my page to keep getting more. Share with your friends and family too-the way we see and talk about autism needs to change.
***Please note: we're not professionals, just a husband & wife team, using our time to make this happen. We're not professionals. This is MY interpretation of Theory of Mind. I'm only one person with autism-there're so many other stories to tell.

[@jshir17]

*I find that non-autistic people often have the same theory of mind problems especially when dealing with us autistics. And when we Neurodivergents talk amongst ourselves there’s no mind blindness and we have empathy for one another*

[@leavesofdecember]

I keep saying that.. it's not us! they're the ones missing a brain puzzle piece HAHHAA we make perfect sense to each other ! HAHA

[@iFunktion]

I'm finding myself disagreeing with the part that we autistics don't suffer mind blindness. This is true if both parties have identified as Autistic and have communicated this to the other party otherwise my experience is extremely prompt falling out usually to a mutism response from that moment onwards. Assuming someones spectrum, can really get the daggers moving and many autistic people refrain from identifying in public due to the usual and predictable responses from NT's.

[@jrichard88]

It's funny, because I'm autistic and my experience with gifts is the one you showed as being more neurotypical in nature. In my case, it's always been the neurotypical thinking I didn't like the gift because my facial expressions and body language remained completely neutral the entire time. I've actually had to train myself to outwardly express how much I like a gift, because it wasn't overtly obvious when I didn't.

[@Kamishi845]

I have to agree to some extent. I have a friend who at least unless she would become diagnosed but she herself doesn't think she's ND, has quite impairing social anxiety. She's constantly worrying what others think and feel about her in any given situation and always interprets their body language, behaviors and facial impressions to be a negative reflection of her in some way. Meanwhile, because I have no way to tell what people think and feel in social situations for most of the part, I genuinely don't care most of the time. I think a lot of it comes down to that I feel more confident about myself so if someone dislikes me for something I do or say, I care less about it because I do not need the approval of other people. I find that NTs worry way more what others think about them than what I think is more common among autistics.

[@laurenroth3812]

I like it! I have autism and you just taught me a lot about myself!

[@anonnymouses7134]

The “[couple laying in bed, woman on her side facing away from man, man looking up at ceiling dreamily] her: he’s probably thinking about hot women Him: thinking about any weird obscure thing other than hot women” meme fits this concept pretty well that most can grasp. We just can’t be in people’s heads and many people aren’t outwardly vocal about what’s going on with them mentally. I notice that I give a daily chatter of what I’m thinking to my fiancé and he’s only recently begun reciprocating that chatter. It’s nice to know what he’s really thinking about or what songs are stuck in his head or when we talk he’s just more expressive. I feel closer to him when he reciprocated this behavior because it gives me an insight into his moods and and body language to give cues for me to pick up. I love this video, you’re amazing. It’s so good to have words to conceptualize my experiences and you’re the gift that keeps on giving when it comes to that. Thank you for what you do for our community, and for us as individuals. ❤️❤️❤️

[@recoveringsoul755]

Are we supposed to be mind readers? Nobody can do that, even typical people. They're just guessing. If people don't verbalize something how is anyone supposed to know?

[@drivingangel]

Ahh, the book smell. :)

[@alexba1ley]

Thank you for making this, Sara. This is incredibly insightful. The examples scenes and comics you showed really helped me grasp the concepts more than just hearing a definition of theory of mind. There is a lot to chew on here and I saved this one to rewatch later.

[@berenyildirim1481]

I really like your video! It makes me feel good because it makes me understand someone who is different than me. I really appreciate that you inform people on KZbin so they can be more sensitive. Thank you for teaching people about autism. We learn a lot from you and we are very happy about it!

[@jenwoods2352]

My son just turned 17 and just got a diagnosis of autism. We suspected it for a long time, but specialists were distracted by the severity of his language disability that they didn't notice the severity of his social difficulties. Anyway, I've been looking for videos to share with friends and family who would like to learn more about autism and how it might explain some of my son's wonderful and unique behaviour, and I just love your video, so I will share it. I really like the way you explain things with stories, it just makes things so much easier to understand. Thank you and take care!

[@annabraper5261]

I just "found" your channel and I am actually crying and hugging myself while binging all your videos. You are like my translator. Finally I can explain how I feel

[@tara6568]

This was such a fascinating video! I absolutely love your personality and how you address the confusion about autism. You make it so that we can relate to you, to help bridge that very gap you're talking about. When you say that it's hard to empathize if you've never experienced something, you truly address everyone, even those considered "not on the spectrum." I truly enjoyed the few minutes inside of your beautiful mind. You were so moving that this is my very first KZbin comment (I think), and I just HAD to tell you.

[@AgonyAutie]

Tara Dieringer hey Tara! For your first KZbin comment ever, that was AWESOME! 👏😱😂💕 Thank you so much for everything you said; it honestly means so much to me and my husband (who edits). We're just glad we seem to be helping people along the way 💕

[@ggarpett8063]

I was actually about to say the same thing

[@tudibelle]

Thank you, this video was really helpful to me. I am pursuing an Autism diagnosis, and really didn’t know what “theory of mind meant”, which was stressing me out. Your examples really resonated with me, especially about thinking everyone hates me and not understanding if people are having fun. Thank you.

[@georgialeigh1674]

this was so insightful and really made me understand the work I've been doing on Theory of Mind in my Psychology degree. Absolutely loved it. It's so interesting to see the perspective of someone who actually experiences these problems, rather than just reading about it and trying to just memorise the information. Great video:)

[@yaboiTetsuo]

Great video, you broke it down really well. Also love your energy and the way you really throw yourself at the roleplay scenes, it keeps the content interesting and gives your videos a good flow. Keep up the great work!

[@NorthernLights96]

Great video! You explained everything so well. I'm studying to become an STA (Specialist Teaching Assistant) and currently work in a school for children with Autism. Your videos are very helpful for me to understand how the pupils in our school think and feel.

[@fanofnormalclips]

Loved the video! I work with kids who have autism, and I recognize a lot of the things you mentioned in the behaivor of my students. It helps to have someone around who can 'translate' so to speak.

[@shereehopo]

Thank you so much for your efforts, explaining this. I have been fighting hard to get my son on the ASD pathway and it's been a struggle to get support. Your blogs are helping me to understand and support my son in so many ways! Keep up your amazing work!! Much love, Sheree x Ps. This is also my first comment on any KZbin video...and believe me...I have watched many. 😂

[@BOUKSIMAYOUB]

Thank you so much for the video! I really like how you explained the issue, this is my first time in your channel, and I already know that I will love all your videos, I feel the same as you sometimes, and what you did was very instructive and describing what a lot of people "suffer" from. I came here because I was reading a book about SLA and the theory of mind, and couldn't get the whole idea with just reading ^^'! thanks again!

[@asyaandayla8186]

Thank you for making this video. I am doing an exam question at university about theory of mind and autism and it was nice to hear this from someone who has autism. My 14 year old son also has autism and I have sent this video to him too. I love all your examples and the flip side you done to them too. Brilliant! X

[@moomanni656]

I CRIED at the "Two hours later" part😂😂😂 I've just been diagnosed and I can totally relate. Love your bubbly personality and how you explain things. Makes total sense :)

[@bradleyhill6571]

I'm a counseling grad student and I found your video to be very informative with regards to the perspective of autistic people. It helped me to understand where and why there is such a disconnect sometime, and why we confuse each other sometimes. Thank you for taking the time to explain your perspective! I feel like I understand the issues that you talked about better now than I did before watching your video.

[@NeurodivergentMom]

This is the best comprehensive video about theory of mind that I came across so far. Or at least it makes the most sense to my autistic brain. Thank you!❤

[@jillikin_billikin]

Thank you for this post. The way you explained it made it so much easier how feel as a non autistic individual and how my autistic son feels and does what he does. There were a lot of aha moments which has made me feel grateful and more understanding of our behaviours. Much thanks. xx

[@zahra71908]

I might be too tired to put this into words properly just so you know, you might just have to trust me on this; I LOVED IT! I felt it! I’m the same way. I love your videos. You’re so easy to understand, it’s like a mental vacation. Oh and yes - Great content as always! Thank you 💗

[@Claire-dg8bk]

I like it a lot! thank you for making these videos! they have been so helpful. I am like %95 sure I'm on the autism spectrum, but getting an official diagnoses have been challenging. so thank you for being so informative. I plan on showing some of your videos to my parents to help them understand.

[@kristilott6334]

I love this video! My son has a hard time with theory of mind and i got so many ideas from you! And you're so entertaining!

[@mariagregoriou711]

This is great, thanks for sharing. My son is on the spectrum and we were told about this just yesterday and I have been trying all day to understand it. We also starting taking him to theatre workshops so knowing that it helped you makes me sure that we are doing the right thing.

[@mehdis812]

amazing, amazing, amazing! The thought depth you have is amazing! I loved your video! Thank you so much for doing it. You helped me understand something I was blind to.

[@charlotterobers9487]

I've recently had an autism reality check, and the things you've spoken about so far have *HITTT* me! So thank you. I cried at your psychologist's reaction just imagining if that's how someone reacted to a gift I gave them 😭

[@nancysimpson5645]

Thank you Sara, I'm just learning what Theory of Mind means. I totally relate to the way you've presented this! I love your personality and sense of fun and humor.

[@jamiehall4388]

Thank you!! My 14 yr old son is on the spectrum, and this explains a lot about his behavior and perspective. I'm also pretty sure autism runs in the family, so your video may very well help with other relationships as well. I know you can't tell via comment, but I am VERY pleased with your explanation! It was concise and descriptive and eye-opening.

[@msgaines07]

I love your video! I am a professor who works with future teachers and I am going to use this video to help my students understand how they should communicate with students on the spectrum. You make everything so clear and easy to understand, plus you make fun joke and provide helpful examples. Thank you!!

[@lynettesutherland6006]

Thanks so much. I found your video really informative and it helped me understand Theory of Mind. It made me think about ways that I could help my daughter develop better theory of mind. The video is also well edited and you are a really engaging speaker. Great Job!

[@seanpariser7300]

I know I am late on this comment, but I love your perspective on this topic. I work a lot with children with autism and am actually touching on the theory of mind for my thesis paper. You are so awesome for opening people's eyes to difficulties I'm sure many others have but may not be able to tell others or even put into words. Thank you! =)

[@nicolejacques2563]

Sara, thank you so much for this! My son has Asperger's and while I feel I have a reasonable understanding of how his lack of theory of mind affects him, I know lots of people don't understand it. I am looking forward to sharing this succinct, excellent explanation with others who could use a little more education on autism and Asperger's. Thank you again and again!

[@sophielogue3630]

What an excellent video. Thank you so much for creating it. I am currently doing teacher training and this helped me understand autism so much more than before.

[@benblessing5150]

Try being a teacher, and receiving an ASD diagnosis. This has been so difficult. You are doing great work!

[@peaches2217]

This is absolutely amazing! Thank you so much for this. I've always had this problem, but I never knew there was a name for it.

[@Hagiazo]

I like your video because it explains important things about how you, and my son, think. And because it helps me love him better now that I know a bit more about him and what he needs from me. I also like it because of how you presented the information. You made it fun and easy to understand. Thank you!

[@nobody-rw9cc]

I'm coming to terms with my autism. This video is very insightful and helpful makes me excited to learn more.

[@marianne4502]

This is so helpful! I'm currently writing a paper about ToM and autism, and this gave me a lot of insight to it. Thank you!

[@SargraGames]

I'm a support worker who works with people with Autism and your explanation is so good! Thank you for helping me understand it better!

[@jamiequigley5906]

Thank you for your great video. I felt a lot of connection to you from how your personality is and the way you have difficulties understanding others. I can never work out why people do things, if I start to think about it it just becomes too complex an equation trying to factor in all the different things going on. I was feeling a bit alone with how I perceive the world but now not so much, thank you! I'm completely the same with presents!

[@Iamasido]

Great video! You put into words something that I struggle to understand about myself and why I think the ways I do.

[@LilChorwegian]

I don't think I have ever related to a video so much - every thing you said about the gifts and people's feelings was so true😂 love this!

[@sagelenyatsa6094]

Haha you’re so adorable! Studying for psychology and I really appreciate you uploading this.

[@NisaASingh-yk8dy]

You are absolutely brilliant! I love the way you put it across, thank you for helping me to better understand what my son may be going through.

[@fleurcasilda4374]

Great video! So true I loved it and you! I failed the Theory of mind test and facial recognition test as a kid but am much better at those things now, although they can still get me every now and then.

[@TropeOlogy]

thank you for making the theory of mind video, it has quite boggled my mind for a while..

[@JohnParkes00]

If ever there was an Agony Autie video that has popped up to answer a definite need in an autie household this is it. Thank you!

[@DouglasCAPaula]

Excellent practical examples, full of words and facial expressions which can completely demonstrate to us how people feel, think and react to other people's interests.

[@jojomama09]

I love love love this, this is perfect to get people to understand what I go through daily basis...

[@alidouglas3544]

Hi, I just want to say this is a terrific video, and to hear somebody on the spectrum talk about what it is like to have difficulties with theory of mind has been very helpful. :)

[@AgonyAutie]

alison jones thanks again Alison! 💕 We're recording a two parter on Sensory Processing Disorder very soon and will be posting out "What is Autism 101" video hopefully next week 😁🌟🌀💕

[@alidouglas3544]

Thats great news :)

[@rubenbrugman]

I liked it! Thank you, it makes me understand theory of mind in a better way. Keep up the good work and thumps up 👍👍

[@rwh9980]

I came across your video when I was researching for my essay. I really LOVE LOVE LOVE your video, it is hilarious, and very informational. And you are adorable! By the way, i really like how you smell the book, I could not stop laughing.

[@freddyhercz153]

My Great uncle built a company in West Virginia, and he loved it so much that for thirty some years he put all his money from being a surgeon into it even though most business wouldn't have lasted in those conditions with the state and the employees. He had an innocent thought that all people were good and they all took advantage of that, the state, everyone. He is the toughest man I've ever met, and the best musician I've ever met. He never thought about himself and they drove him nearly insane. The thing is that before and when he passed, he never knew what was wrong with himself because everything was going right, he has a whole box full of awards for pioneering in surgery and medicine, he was too innocent and tough for this world. Autism and adhd wellness is so important guys I can't stress it enough. His destiny was not good, but his legacy lives on.

[@maxhamlin636]

I did definitely enjoy this video. I didn’t realize that this is an autism thing and I didn’t realize that it wasn’t normal. Thank you very much.

[@moniquegrbec4257]

Liked it so much that I cried - happy tears of connection/understanding; and I cried more - of those wonderful happy tears. Thank you 😊

[@nickwestlake6770]

I really enjoyed your enthusiasm and informative description of theory of mind. Your presentation helped me to understand and process this concept more clearly. I whole heartily thank you for this wonderful presentation. 

[@thesharingtreewithshari2735]

I so love you! You are so bank on about theory of mind and social imagination for we who are on the autism spectrum! Sara thank you for educating and sharing your experience and opening up and addressing concerns and strategies that are effective ! I would so love to interview you for my collaboration class in grad school! You have really been a force of good in my life and impacted my life through your videos! I would be so on my face humbled and grateful to interview you. I am supposed to find six to interview! I am a social Aspie hope advocate and trying to change the paragraph on how the world perceives us in the world through our lens as neurodiverse! Aspie proud I Am! I wish I could give you the biggest hug in the world! You truly have impacted my own life!!!! I’m so grateful you are here and have this KZbin channel! Sending you positive energy your way! Cheers - Passionately Aspie! Shari

[@laurietschetter2676]

you did an amazing job with sharing specific examples of theory of mind, plus your enthusiasm was wonderful! thanks,

[@AgonyAutie]

laurie tschetter thank you very much 💕😍

[@Sandpow]

Using your videos to explain my Aspergers syndrom to my family and friends. Its a big help, so thank you very much

[@elizabethreyes3599]

WOW ! I really enjoyed watching this video. I work with very young children with autism and I learned so much from your video. Thanks for sharing. It was explained beautifully.

[@NoellaFromParis]

Loved the video, the examples are also great and I can relate very well with them (I'm not assessed yet but have the first appointment to do so next week).

[@GeorgiaGeorgette]

You are indescribably helpful. You have made such a positive impact on my life and I wish I could properly express my gratitude.

[@heatherperdelwitz9083]

Thank you! This is sooo helpful in understanding how to work better with my children and explaining to others as well 💖💖

[@Nuverselive]

The way u explained theory of mind took me into my partners mind, which is a place I desire to innerstand! This desire has me researching others because he can't explain it to me. He is often perplexed but if I react it becomes a reason to get defensive for him to back me off because my questions to innerstand feel intrusive or like a murder investigation. This happens often. Honestly I want to perceive as he does so I can feel a deeper level of compassion. This way I won't take things personally as often. Could u do a vid to help ppl have compassion for our loved ones?

[@recoveringsoul755]

How is anyone supposed to know what another is thinking and feeling without actually verbally expressing it? Are we supposed to guess? Or be mind readers? Make assumptions? That would lead to many misunderstandings. Communication is key.

[@KittyKat-hx7wx]

This is one of the most relatable videos I think I have ever watched 😁

[@lewisford7438]

I like it! You're very good at explaining me, in future I'll just send people this video if they want to know what's going on in these moments

[@aislingnebor]

What a great explanation! I work with kids with autism and this was very helpful. Thank you!

[@ziasadaf]

I absolutely loved this! Loved your way of explaining your theory of mind (or lack of ;)) and most important of all after watching your video, I knew exactly what my essay topic would be for my Graduate Psychology class. 'Does lack of theory of mind in ASD youth lead to social anxiety?'. Thank you so much!

[@terriswarthout512]

I appreciate all of your thoughts & considerations that you put into your videos. My husband is on the spectrum & I find his deficiencies in theory of mind so hurtful. For example, I’m not a crier but one evening while sitting in bed together I broke down & sobbed about a serious issue with our older child. I felt so alone. Like a ghost. He sat there indulging in his phone game oblivious to the distress I was in. No arm around me, no kind words, no warm hand, no offering me a Kleenex, nothing. I finally said, can’t you see how upset I am? He verbal huffed because I interrupted his game. I sat there with a face full of tears. He finally said, are you done? I want to finish my game! I enjoy your videos but I would like to hear more about how autism effects loved ones & friends around the person. The difficulties & hurt feelings are real.

[@rngnv4551]

I love it! Thank you. I am Autistic and am more "high functioning" which makes most things non-social fine but when it comes to understanding other people's perspective, especially beyond a mundane every day life trying to get through "ugh," I suddenly freeze. Most people do not want to talk about things in detailed manner and so when I am attempting to understand someone's perspective without diving deep I fail. It's killed a lot of social reputation in my life and not because I didn't care... it was because I didn't understand. :( Ugh, thank you for this. I do love it.

[@JacquieSan]

I love this video - thank you for sharing and helping me to help others.

[@adamhuntercollier]

This is great! I am autistic, too. And I frequently have problems with theory of mind. Your video is extremely helpful!

[@Sarah.VilasBoas]

I'm a med student and hopefully a future shrink. Your video was really fun and interesting to watch. Keep up the good work!

[@ofloopsandstrings9665]

Thank you for your vid. I am happy with the information you shared as it is very helpful, and I love your hair!

[@laelawinkelmann8679]

I really liked you video because it was friendly and warm and explained theory of mind in a way that I could understand without getting bored. Thank you

[@HurricanePixie7]

Brilliant! Perfectly put!

[@leanderdato4764]

Nice video and finally some explanation i understood. I suspect to have autism myself. And the video helped me understand myself a bit more actually. Whenever my girlfriend is telling me something that has happened I will always ask „okay, but what does it mean. Why do you tell this? Has it emotional value?“ or simply „okay, i don‘t know if this is good or bad“ Also the part about the not understanding because of a lack of interest in the topic is very interesting. I never thought about that people can be invested in something that seems absolutely boring to me, just as i am invested in things i enjoy. Now it‘s seems so simple and logical

[@yameyumex]

I want you to know that your videos are SO important to me. I'm a 28 year old woman, I've suspected that I'm autistic for 5-6 years but my now former psychologist's views were outdated as hell. The only diagnosis he cared about was PTSD, "because it's the only diagnosis that states that a person has been through something". And he connected EVERY single trait and behaviour of mine to my PTSD. I've felt so extremely broken and like I'm nothing but a result of what's happened to me. Now I have finally, a lot thanks to you, realised that I am in fact autistic. So I reached out to the health services and got accepted immediatly. I spent like an hour in total talking about my autistic traits and that person was basically like "HOW has no one ever listened to you or noticed your autistic traits? It's inconceivable to me. Your autism is as clear as day". So I will finally get the kind of help that's right for me. So thank you for being you and for making these videos. Much love from Sweden.

[@sharonyahav3381]

Thank you very much. I loved the video. It was very interesting. I study Education and I have a course about emotional development in kids with difficulties. U helped me understand alot and better then the academic articles. And you are lovely, and your video is lovely like you.

[@sarahforsyth32]

Hi, Loved your video and the examples. You explained the concept really well.

[@Tracytcb1]

This was great! You are lovely, informative and enthusiastic! Thank you!

[@lukebramley351]

This is a fantastic video, you I love the way you explain things - things that I have been trying for years to put in to words!! From Amie, a fellow 30 year old female Autie :)

[@MrPsychoticGoblin]

I enjoyed this video and i believe it had helpful advice I will use with some of my friends who are autistic. Thank you so much!

[@anamariagutierrez9068]

I really like this video...I was actually looking for information to make my homework about theory of mind and I found this great .

[@Blondie426]

Brilliant video. Showed it to my husband who is Nt. I'm autistic. Made him understand loads

[@AgonyAutie]

Samantha Stokes so happy you liked it!!! 💕😘

[@ypuenlau110392]

You did great. In a such creative way, you explained it soooo well. Kudos! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@bgoth1435]

I'm not going to keep you guessing, this was fascinating, thank you!

[@theresedignard4267]

OMG, you are sooo me. As an Aspie I can totally relate. Thanks for sharing.

[@Jasmin-gs9wo]

This is really great!! You explained it so well. And you are adorable!! Thanks for sharing!!

[@bicth1988]

Awsome i loved it soooooo much im exactly the same i have overly emotional high functioning aspergers syndrome and all i ever see is under so how u were with the present is me and i can go on and on about on thing that i learn or love u maid me feel like im not the only one i always get told im just warried or wronge i cant have asperger coz im talking to them and if i had it i wouldnt ps i just wanted to say how much i loved this vidio and how amazing u r to have spent the time care and effet in doing it so that we under stand we r not alone and others can understand we aint just one type THANK U SOOOOOOO MUCH ps this is the only and fist commet and subscribe i have ever done because you were extremely great at explaining showing sinarows so aspergers people can understand aswell ur a inspiration to us all xxxxxxxx

[@maxross7319]

Really great video, not sure whether you know but ToM is currently on the A-Level Psychology syllabus, with my exam coming up in just 2 days this was a great little revision video to understand what it is like. Thank you!

[@AgonyAutie]

Hey, how did the exams go? :)

[@bryanjohnson9800]

Very helpful in understanding 'what's going on' ,that is to say, why I process things the way I do. Thanks!

[@yvettemena2024]

I loved what you shared! I think you are lovely and engaging, and you explained it well. :)

[@dindanabilasetyo2193]

I do love the way you explain everything on the video. It is very... Entertaining

[@nathangartshore1784]

Great video, gave it to other people to understand my thought process.

[@Nikistitch1]

I wish I had figured myself out years ago.Thankyou for your videos and explaining things so well ❤

[@faithcole3394]

Amazing video. I'm using for my psychology revision. Thank you it was so helpful

[@jennifernybergpixie7958]

I'm so glad I found your videos

[@MissJuddyalways]

Love this! Very helpful .